super-meert-me

[super-meert-me]

Im hurt by my friends. I don't even know if this is legitimate but I feel betrayed. Not by something that is definitive but overall. I am hurt that my friends decided to take a distance from me collectively and then come back as though nothing has happened and expect me to be the same. I'm hurt that the gap was long and that they were comfortable with it. I'm  hurt that their reasons while they are valid , they don't deserve this elongated reaction. Complete inconsidetation of how this could've affected me. And when I confronted some of the reasons were "you're just not as close to me as someone else " ouch. I am hurt that not only they never helped me when I was clearly hurting and now they are friendly with the one that hurt me and expect me to be okay with it. Instead I'm judged that I have these expectations and I tried to change this mindset of mine I tried very hard. But I cannot be okay with it. How can I be okay that when I am bleeding, there's no one I could turn to. It hurts. And I am the one  who is trying to change to accommodate others but they aren't doing the same. I feel like i cancel myself on and on and on again. For the sake of maintaining and keeping my friendships. I don't wanna see or interact with them. I'm just angry at the world right now. I feel lonely. And I wish I had my loving friends around me. But they are not loving anymore and I cannot have people around me that I cannot trust.

[super-meert-me]

Should we forgive or finally see the signs

I've had a couple of mishaps lately. When referring to a break up you presume im talking about a love partner. But break ups happen between different relationship dynamics. I’ve broken up with friends. And it is as hard as losing the love of your life. My most heart wrenching friend breakup was from a severely toxic one. when it was over and i was able to see clearly, I learned that i was aware of all the signs but naive to believe in their pure intent. A lot of other friends saw how i suffered being in this friendship for a year and recovering from it took another year. The toxic actions that were committed against me still leaves open wounds. But my witness friends failed to realize that we they started to poke me where i’ve been stabbed before. And it hurts really hurts im trying to treat this wound but they keep on opening the healed corners. And unlike my previous experience, their intent is pure. But is good intentions enough ? currently i cannot foresee the future. I dont know if i will look back and say im happy i withstood the pain held on or will i kick myself for letting it happen to me again. When should someone draw the line and when should they let go. I am too weak and in too much agony to know.