sunstz
20 posts
insan yanındaki ile yaşar, aklındaki ile ölür
Don't wanna be here? Send us removal request.
Statistics
We looked inside some of the posts by sunstz and here's what we found interesting.
Average Info
Notes Per Post
0
Likes Per Post
0
Reblog Per Post
0
Reply Per Post
0
Time Between Posts
22 days ago
Number of Posts By Type
Text
17
Last Seen Tumblr Blogs
Fun Fact
Tumblr was named as a finalist in Lead411’s New York City Hot 125 in Aug 2010.
Text
mezuniyetim biteli iki saat oluyor ve ben gitmedim. daha tam olarak asla bir daha gidemeyeceğimi kendime yediremedim. aşırı mutsuzum, ama içim rahat.
16 hazirandan önce ziyaret etmem lazım, bunu biliyorum. fakat okula girince giriş katında şimdiki 11leri görme düşüncesi midemi bulandırıyor. hepsi birbirinden kötü, aksi şekilde aralarından en kötü olması gereken aralarından da en iyisi. herkes birbirini sırtından bıçaklama meraklısı orda.
neyse, gidilir. hiç doğru kararlar vermiyorum şu sıralar. sabaha kadar ağlıyorum sonra ders çalışmak yerine saatlerce stardew valley oynuyorum. dün yağmurlu havaya karşı çok sevinmiştim tarlayı sulamama gerek kalmadı diye. ucundan şizofren olmak kimseye zarar vermez :-)
iyi geceler hayallerim, iyi geceler umutlarım, iyi geceler 13 yaşındaki ben. umarım çok hayal kırıklığına uğratmadım seni, sende yaşadığım hayatı görseydin yine aynı kararları verirdin.
0 notes
Text
.
#vent in tags#idgaf#tw eating issues#anyways last year i brought a pair of jeans that were so fk tight on me that i considered returning it#and about like a week later i relapsed into my eating disorder because of Continuous Trauma going on#i still haven't fully recovered bcs the ed grindset never stops 💪💪💪#anyways yesterday i was wearing the same pair of jeans again and they were so fucking baggy on me#im so upset i don't know i can't even take a shower without my head spinning anymore and i don't have the energy to get better either#people say i look great though so no one's particularly concerned#i am taylor swift and this is my 1989 era#just another thing the titular apollo has ruined - my relationship with food#it just started when someone i didn't know said i was a slut while going to the cafeteria and then i just started... not going outside#taking long walks outside of school during lunch breaks to get away from everyone#i was too miserable to eat when i came home so i would say i has just eaten before coming home so i wasn't hungry#and it's not like i had breakfast either#for the entirety of may id maybe have crackers#a little cupcake#mostly just ayran lol#and then people starting complimenting me so much that i just never started eating normally again#bulimia was for punishment you know so april 27 i was in the bathroom letting out acid when the entire school was at the volleyball match#i don't make myself throw up anymore though#i think im going to die miserable and never really that full
0 notes
Text
[SUNSETZ LOOKS AT EVERYTHING SHE HAS DONE. EVERY TRAP FALLEN INTO PLACE. EVERY SUSPICION CONFIRMED TRUE. REVENGE IS SWEET, THE PEACE OF MIND IS SWEETER. IT'S TOO EARLY TO TELL IF IT'S VICTORY, THINGS LIKE THAT DON'T COME EASILY TO PEOPLE LIKE HER, BUT IT'S THE SAME FEELING SHE IMAGINES APOLLO HAD ALL THAT TIME AGO. WHEN SHE WAS ASKING FOR MERCY, WHEN HE KNEW HE WON. BUT APOLLO WAS WEAK TOO, SHE LEARNED THAT MUCH TOO. SHE LEARNED THAT HE WAS LESS APOLLO... MORE ICARUS. FLYING TOO CLOSE TO THE SUN DIDN'T END WELL FOR EITHER OF THEM. AND WHAT ABOUT SEM? AND HER? DID THEY THINK THEY WOULD BE SUCCESSFUL IN THEIR LIVES? EATING THE FRUITS THAT SHE GAVE HER BLOOD, SWEAT AND TEARS TO GROW. NO. THEY SHOULD'VE KNOWN BETTER. BUT THEY ALL UNDERESTIMATED HER.]
[IF SHE COULD GO BACK, SHE'D ASK APOLLO/ICARUS IF VICTORY WAS SWEET. IF IT WAS WORTH IT. SHE DOUBTED THAT HE WOULD ANSWER HONESTLY, AS IF HE EVER DID. LESS APOLLO, LESS ICARUS, MORE DOLUS. DECEIT RUNS IN HIS BLOOD WARMER THAN THE SUN. SHE STANDS ALONE IN HER VICTORY, SUCCESSFULLY PUSHING AWAY ANYONE WHO COULD'VE INTERFERED WITH HER GRIEF. THE PEOPLE SHE SHARES THE VICTORY WITH ARE TOO FAR AWAY TO CLAP HER ON THE BACK, TOO FAR FOR HER TO HEAR THEIR CHEERS. THEY LOVE HER, BUT IF LOVE WAS A TREE THAT FELL IN A FOREST WITH SUNSETZ TOO FAR AWAY TO HEAR IT, DID IT REALLY FALL?]
[THE STORY ENDS SOON. SHE KNOWS THIS. WITH EVERYTHING THAT WENT ON. SHE HAS PLANS TO ATTEND THE BALL AND SHE HAS PLANS TO VISIT THE MAUSOLEUM WHERE SHE BURIED HERSELF AND THEN THE STORY ENDS.]
[MAYBE SHE'LL HAVE A NICE EPILOGUE. HASN'T SHE GIVEN ENOUGH? AFTER ALL THE BLOOD SPILLED, AFTER ALL THE HATRED, THE LOSS, THE GRIEF, SHE STILL HAS HOPE FOR A SOFT EPILOGUE. AND MAYBE SHE WILL GET IT.]
0 notes
Text
15/5/22
[...]
Which future lover of mine can be him? Someone bring me a chai latte, extra cinnamon, before i end it all immediately.
0 notes
Text
me & my old best friend stopped talking a year ago today. i saw her in the entrance of the mall the other day and she didn't see me. i think about where we broke it off, back then, when i thought love could be the only thing to save me. when i couldn't get out of the bargaining phase of grief, promising god over and over again that i would do it differently, if only He could give me a chance once more. (who is He?)
0 notes
Text
you had already known the answer when you turned to me: "should we stay or go?" those were the days when we could feel hot blood rushing through our young veins, seeking out adventure and ultimately sucking the life out of it to taste the glory. the look you gave me as the caller id flashed your girlfriends name while your hand was wrapped around anothers waist told me everything i needed to know; we were staying in a godless place. you had your flowers back home as mine were blooming but we both dried them out for each other and others as you, i, him, her– all of us laid on your sin soaked bed.
0 notes
Text
one time, a few months prior, i was riddled with anxiety the day before a presentation. i had been having heart issues from the stress all day and took the more than recommended amount of my medication to calm down, and calm down i certainly did. i then spent an hour and a half so into the new day, instead of resting as i was supposed to, chit chatting with a friend. a mistake that came to haunt me as my alarm blared before i could face all my sins in my slumber. in this foreign bed, in this foreign place, i then made a second, yet grave, mistake of stretching my body, which caused veins in my neck to overlap in a horrifying click that sent a cold shiver down my entire body, convincing me i was left paralyzed. prehaps this was it, i reasoned, this was the sacrifice i was giving to the universe for this day to go well. if it did or not changes depending on who you ask, in whatever mood they find themselves in the moment. i spent five hours in that state before adrenaline took over my body and i did not once again feel the pain until it was nearing midnight. i think of that day often, the pleasure of the stretch following by the excruciating pain of the click, that echoed through my skull as i ceased all feeling for microseconds. the terror that gripped me. i think of it as conflicting statements; was it to punish me for what i did the night before, a sacrifice that needed to be made, or an omen for what would become? the answer remains unknown, and will last for as long as i am afraid of stretching in the mornings again.
0 notes
Text
APOLLO
[AFTER SPENDING A GOOD WHILE MAKING FUN OF SUNSETZ' HEIGHT, TEASINGLY] Don't change for anyone or get indoctrinated.
SUNSETZ
[APOLLO DOESNT UNDERSTAND, OR DOESNT WANT TO. SUNSETZ ISN'T FOURTEEN, OR FIFTEEN, OR HER SIX MONTHS AGO. FUCK. SHE HAS A PROBLEM, DOESN'T SHE? BUT NOT ANYMORE. IN A MOMENT OF GREAT WORD ASSOCIATION, SUNSETZ FORMS A SENTENCE THAT WILL SURELY CHANGE APOLLO'S STUCK MIND] I do what I want, I'd never change.
APOLLO
[APOLLO KNOWS BETTER, OR HE DOESN'T. NOTHING REALLY MAKES SENSE WITH HIM. BUT DEEP DOWN HE JUST WANTS SUNSETZ TO BE INSECURE WITH HERSELF SO HE CAN BE THE ONE TO MAKE HERSELF FEEL BETTER. BE THE ONE TO FIX HER SINCE HE KILLED DIANA, THIS IS JUST TO RELIEVE HIMSELF OF GUILT] [HE REMINDS SUNSETZ, IN A MOCKING TONE] "See that girl, that's how you should be!" "Yes Sem, I will" [THAT'S NOT HOW THE CONVERSATION EVEN WENT. BUT IF APOLLO WANTS TO MAKE SUNSETZ INSECURE, HE CAN MAKE HER INSECURE IN HIS MIND]
0 notes
Text
[APHRODITE WALKS PAST. SUNSETZ HAS NEVER SEEN ANYONE COOLER, BUT SHE FUCKED IT UP DURING QUARANTINE ON TUMBLR. APHRODITE IS BEAUTIFUL, TALL, SLIM WITH BLONDE HAIR THAT FALLS JUST ABOVE HER SHOULDERS AND BLUE/GREEN EYES. HER SIDE PROFILE LOOKS LIKE IT WAS SCULPTED IN THE IMAGE OF ANCIENT GODS. ALL SUNSETZ CAN THINK ABOUT IS HOW SHE COULD'VE BECOME HER FRIEND BUT FUCKED IT UP. SUNSETZ DOESN'T EVEN KNOW IF SHE WANTS TO BE HER FRIEND OR JUST BE HER]
SEM
[Points at APHRODITE as her back is turned] You know, we were all expecting you to look more like [waves hand in the direction of APHRODITE] and less like you.
SUNSETZ
She's beautiful. [FUCK SHIT FUCK FUCK FUCK WHY CAN'T I BE FRIENDS WITH HER]
SEM
[Still staring at APHRODITE] Yeah, she is.
0 notes
Text
THE OTHER
Is that why you were crying?! Because you were scared of this coming out?
SUNSETZ
[SHE LOOKS HORRIFIED. WHY THE FUCK WOULD SHE SAY THAT IN FRONT OF HIM? THE DISTANCE FROM HERE TO THE GROUND BETTER BE ENOUGH TO KILL HER] I-I-I don't know. I just- After what he wrote- I just knew that if he knew it would come with consequences.
APOLLO
[SCOFFS. THIS IS THE GREATEST DAY OF HIS LIFE] Oh come on. I might be whatever else you say I am, but am I the type to get physically violent with anyone? Am i? Be serious about all of this.
0 notes
Text
[DAVID stares at SUNSETZ while she stares back. She's analyzing him as if he belongs to Michaelangelo. He's analyzing her as if she's the sun]
[DAVID cups SUNSETZ' left cheek with his left hand. What an observation. Was he supposed to cup it with his right hand? He leans in and SUNSETZ closes her eyes but doesn't know why]
[He kisses her]
[It's over as soon as it began and DAVID keeps touching his lips]
SUNSETZ
[THROUGH BREATHY LAUGHTER] [CLEARLY IN SHOCK] [CLEARLY HER FIRST KISS] Was it that bad?
DAVID
No. [CHUCKLES] No, my darling, no.
[LEFT CHEEK. LEFT HAND. THEY KISS BUT DONT BREAK AWAY. THEY'VE ONLY BEEN EATING PIECES OF CHOCOLATE FOR THE PAST SIX HOURS. THEY'RE STARVING]
[THE SMOKER SINGS IN THE BACKGROUND. SUNSETZ PULLS AWAY WHEN SHE REALIZES. SHE CANNOT STOP LAUGHING. DAVID CANNOT STOP KISSING HER]
0 notes
Text
[It's a short memory. A supercut]
[APOLLO is sitting on a green chair, SUNSETZ is standing across him leaning on a table. He is staring. He looks enamored with her. He looks as if he has everything he will ever want across from him. It's not. They both know this]
0 notes
Text
[APOLLO is yelling to the lyrics of Mitski's Nobody. There is no music, only an echo. He is running on adrenaline. Things could go so many ways with tonight. He played with his cards.]
[Unaware, SUNSETZ is taking a two and a half hour long shower. There is no need to exfoliate, to do a full body shave. The ritual is exhausting but it makes her feel in control]
[Unaware, APOLLO carries on to sing]
0 notes
Text
ALMOST-ED KEMPER
[SCOFFING] Look at you. Look at you. [HANDS A TISSUE TO THE STILL SNIFFLING SUNSETZ] Take this, wipe your nose. Wipe your eyes. You have only this weekend to go through, and if it goes well then it's over for you.
SUNSETZ
[ANGRY. THE SOLUTION ON HER WRIST HAS DRIED OUT AND STOPPED STINGING. SO MUCH FAILURE IS AROUND HER THAT SHE REEKS OF IT] I don't want to fucking go through this weekend! I don't want to do this! This isn't my fucking fault! I should've gotten killed by him! That would've shown all of you!
ALMOST-ED KEMPER
[LAUGHS, AND SUNSETZ IS FURIOUS. HOW DARE HE LAUGH] You didn't play your cards right kid. You can't have everything. You have some things, and you pay the consequences for the others.
[SUNSETZ, WHO HAS BEEN REARRANGING COINS TO LOOK LIKE FLOWERS THIS ENTIRE TIME, LOOKS UP TO SHOOT AN ANGRY STARE, AND OPENS HER MOUTH TO SPEAK ONLY TO BE INTERRUPTED]
ALMOST-ED KEMPER
I know. I know. I know that you're going to say that "whatever the hell I've done the consequences aren't this" but these are the cards you've been dealt with and you just have to get through this weekend. I'm going to be fair to you though. I think what he's done is worse but you're overshadowing his mistakes because you've got the glory surrounding you. He doesn't. Just this weekend and it's over. Play with your cards.
0 notes
Text
[NOTHING HAS CHANGED. IT HAS BEEN SEVEN HOURS. APOLLO NOW FILLS THE EMPTY SEAT.]
[THE TWO ARE OFF TO THE SIDE]
[APOLLO LOOKS AT SUNSETZ. SUNSETZ WASN'T EVEN AWARE SHE WAS LOOKING AT HIM. HE TAKES IN THE SIGHT. JERK OFF MATERIAL FOR LATER]
SUNSETZ
[THIS ON AND OFF BATTLE HAS COME TO AN END. SHE HAS LOST. THERE'S NO WAY TO SHIFT THE TIDE, BUT THERE'S STILL AN ATTEMPT TO ASK FOR MERCY] [SOFTLY] Enough.
[APOLLO CONTINUES TO STARE, BUT LOOKS AS IF HE HAS WOKEN UP. LOOKS AS IF HE WASN'T AWARE HE WAS STARING EITHER. THE EXPRESSION IS EMOTIONLESS. THIS IS THE JERK OFF MATERIAL FOR LATER THAT HE'S COMMITTING TO MEMORY, BECAUSE ASKING FOR MERCY MEANS HE HAS WON]
[THE TWO FOCUS ON APOLLO]
APOLLO
You should look at this too.
[NO ONE LOOKS AT SUNSETZ. FREE OF OBSERVATION, SHE LOOKS OUTSIDE THE WINDOW AND CALCULATES IF THE HEIGHT TO THE GROUND WILL BE ENOUGH TO KILL HER]
0 notes