sunsetsoft

[sunsetsoft]

he'd let this go on too long. this had long stopped being allowing herself to enjoy the thrill of a crush, and it had been thrilling, especially with ellis. once she'd stopped getting in her own way, allowing ellis' flirtations to feel good rather than embarrass her, the way his skin brushed against hers when they moved too close, or the ghosting of his breath against her cheek as they danced: that had felt good. when waking up in his arms, warm and safe, had started to feel good, the mage had known she had let it go too far. 

it wasn't ellis' fault, not really. he was a flirt, and elinor had known him a long time before he'd started sending butterflies through his chest to the pit of her stomach. she had dug her own grave. it wasn't his fault elinor had let herself get lost in the fantasy. but a twisted part of her mind was incredibly skilled at deflection, and every lingering touch ellis had given her, every heart-thumping cocky grin when he landed a particularly crude punchline she had to roll her eyes at. every insinuation they both knew he wouldn't follow through on. that was his fault. at least when ellie's mind wasn't strong enough to rationalise that sometimes, love just hurts. love? is that how bad she'd let it get? oh, maker... 

there's a fine balance to be struck, keeping everything under lock and key, hidden away, while being so emotionally reactive. passive aggression came naturally to ellie, more naturally than he'd like, and her mood oozed from her: they were working and traveling together. she was helping him. he couldn't just leave. which would objectively be the best way to try and bury his feelings for the man. so the pair sat in silences, once companionable, now awkward. or recoiling from his casual touch. 

there wasn't the strength to pull away from him, not at first. the familiar thrill shocked her and she leant in for a moment before a wave of frustration knocked her back, altering her features, pulling away and almost snarling the words, lips curled around them, uncharacteristically sharp. 

she didn't want him to leave her alone, so ellis planting his feet soothed her aching heart. it was short-lived, as he remembered he needed ellis to be as far away as possible. ellie's jaw set in response to his defiance. 

"oh, that's rich." she couldn't tell him, so she wouldn't. the frustration that coloured ellis' face was almost enough to temper the guilt she was feeling. she knew him well enough to know there was more under the surface, clenched fists a fight against his own emotions as much as her. so as her own frustration roiled closer to the surface than he liked, she fought to even her tone, though the damage was already done. "please, don't. don't touch me, just..." she wouldn't tell him, so she couldn't...

[ 𝐚𝐥𝐨𝐧𝐞 ] : sender is getting frustrated with their repressed affection and asks receiver to leave them alone. || @sunsetsoft

ellis had been hovering on the edge of elinor's space for most of the day now. he could tell something was wrong but had not been able to find the sense to ask her what it could be. elinor was usually better at keeping his feelings to himself & though ellis lived for the shimmers of her truth, it was beginning to concern him. so he kept pushing & kept pushing, half-wondering if he had done something to upset her.

ellis identifies the rising frustration in him quickly. it's familiar, something he's acquainted with from experience. he & frustration were on a first name basis at this point. so he places a hand on either side of elinor's face, looking him in the eyes. she's lovely like this, in all her rawness. there is beauty in elinor's truth that ellis is sure he will never get enough of.

after revering her for what is likely a few moments too long, elinor snaps at him. leave me alone, it's a direct demand. one that drives ellis to recoil, physically & emotionally. the words cut through him & his stomach suddenly feels very tight. so he had made elinor angry. fear rises quickly in his chest, making him want to tuck his tail between his legs & run. instead, he stands a little taller. his brow falls into a frustrated expression all his own. hands fall into tight fists at his sides & blue eyes sear into elinor.

" tell me what i did wrong, " it's his turn to make a demand, a wall thrown up before him to defend himself from the uncomfortable ache in his chest now. his his voice twists into a challenge, " if you want me gone at least tell me why. "

[sunsetsoft]

🍒 ooc. okay i'm going to try and squeeze out one more reply but then it might be bedtime....

[sunsetsoft]

🍒 ooc. puts elinor ingellvar in my mouth and shakes her like a dog with a toy, tearing her to shreds.

[sunsetsoft]

"i don't think you're doing anything wrong." it's easy for ellie to say, words soft to meet obi-wan's concern, but it's also easy to see that things between anakin and obi-wan were quicker to be called tense than anything else. "he's a teenager. and very few padawan that come through the temple aren't troubled, anakin especially so. i think it's more complicated than either of you doing anything wrong." ellie often found herself playing mediator, bridging gaps in communication between the two, a skill that came naturally to her but only found herself in any way suited to here through the years of knowing obi-wan and qui-gon, their own relationship... perhaps not as turbulent as anakin, but lending her the nuance for moments like these. "sometimes you both end up... speaking around each other, is all. from what i've heard, everyone who raises a teenager experiences it." 

she pauses, regarding the jedi, not bothering to hide the frown that creases her brow. "you need to be kinder to yourself about this, you're not being hard on yourself, are you? beating yourself up is only going to make the both of you more frustrated."

" what am i doing wrong? " it has been a difficult week with anakin, one of those in which obi-wan begins to question just how capable he is of training him. begins to think about how qui-gon would have been better. how anakin would have been a better padawan to qui-gon than he himself had been. he tries not to allow himself to linger on the thoughts, but just now, as anakin has just left the apartment in a temper, it is rather difficult. he turns to elinor. " i seem to say the wrong thing at every turn. " @sunsetsoft ♥

[sunsetsoft]

📩 you are not a fool. @wakesleft 🔆 disco elysium: the final cut – accepting!

ellie can feel the frustrated tears stinging the corners of his eyes. she knew that there wasn't time for this, for her to doubt herself (how could she not?), for her to wallow in mistakes made, to ask emmrich for... support? comfort? the truth was, elinor hadn't asked the professor for anything: he had offered it willingly. 

"i should have seen it. something." desperation seeps into his words, poured out of watery blue eyes, wide as they drifted up to emmrich's face. "with what we do, with what we know... he was dead the whole time." she knew better than to truly blame herself for that, knew the strength of blood magic, but it was easier than admitting that he had fallen for solas' game. despite the warnings, her tender heart had bled and she had listened to him. trusted him. 

"if i'm not a fool, i'm definitely something." his gaze had wandered away now, combing the familiar bookshelves without reading the spines. "an easy mark, if nothing else." pathetic, too, though she knew emmrich would have something to say if she referred to herself as such aloud. "i'm better in a team, working with people. i never should have been leading the charge." 

[sunsetsoft]

color palette + HC (colors you most associate with elinor) music + HC (favorite genre, band, song, lyrics, etc) emergency rooms + HC

@velvetpill 🔆 headcanon words!

colour palette.

it's always going to be baby blue, baby pink and white, first and foremost. if something is baby blue or baby pink, 9 times out of 10 i'm thinking of ellie when i'm looking at it. but once you're past the immediate pastels, literally any colour you see during a sunset on a mostly clear day, and beyond that, a deep, dark berry blue. which i guess does count as part of a sunset, just a mostly set sun situation. also he wears silver jewelry, so i threw that in.

music. her favourite song is a tie between technicolour beat by oh wonder, or serendipity by bts. i actually have a playlist of ellie's favourites so let me just link that- bastille are also among his favourites, and spends a lot of time listening to lofi and instrumental beats! ellie can also be caught in the mood for big band jazz, but that's either at 2am after a little weed, or on a pier at 6pm on a summers day, no in between.

emergency rooms. usually a place that elicits strong emotions for most, there's a mundanity to emergency rooms for el, and for as much as they are stressful places to be, whether you're there as a patient, loved one or any kind of staff, and as anxious as elinor tends to sit at her baseline, emergency rooms, whether its the one she works in or others, she is calm in them. he knows how they work, even with the unpredictability, knows what the next thing to do is. knows how to handle herself and others in emergency rooms. i wouldn't say they are relaxing places for her, but an emergency room is, ironically, the place ellie feels most in control.

[sunsetsoft]

art + HC

@magicxecustos 🔆 headcanon words!

i hadn't thought about this until you sent this in, but i realised that three of elinor's closest people (beau, byan & rissa) are all artists, and mint could also be considered an artist with his photography. so there's something about elinor that attracts artists to him, which is funny, because elinor is not particularly artsy herself.

she can appreciate art, knows what she likes, loves what her friends create, but the more abstract pieces can go over his head in a way that makes her incredibly glad to have rissa explaining things any time they get the chance. unless it's something that one of his friends has created, she's much more likely to opt for photography for any interior design.

[sunsetsoft]

Some quotes from Disco Elysium -the Final Cut (2019)

these were narrowed down from a specific set of dialogue and descriptions based off this video essay (I Don't Want To Be This Kind Of Animal Anymore | Disco Elysium Analysis) by jeffiot. I highly recommend watching it.

❝ I don't want to be this kind of animal anymore. ❞

❝ You're the type of animal I would like to be. ❞

❝ I'm glad to be me -- an incredibly sensitive instrument. ❞

❝ No one believed I exist -- almost no one. Until you came. ❞

❝ Are you a miracle? ❞

❝ Of all the creatures I've met, you are the scariest. ❞

❝ Of all the creatures I've met, you are the most beautiful. ❞

❝ Of all the creatures I've met, you are the kindest. ❞

❝ Few of us can begin to imagine the horror of you -- with all creation reflected in your forebrain. ❞

❝ It must be like the highest of hells, a kaleidoscope of fire and writhing glass. Eternal damnation. ❞

❝ Even when you're sleeping… And when you wake, you carry it around on your neck. With eyes open that cannot help but swallow more behind the mirror. ❞

❝ I feel great, mute empathy for you. ❞

❝ You told us to fuck off. ❞

❝ Yes. You're sorry. You're the sorriest person who ever lived. Nothing has changed. I've heard this repentance shit a million times over. ❞

❝ We did everything we could. ❞

❝ You are tireless. Madly driven. ❞

❝ Then there's the… self-flagellating issue. ❞

❝ I don't want to be anymore. It hurts. ❞

❝ I've finally gone insane. ❞

❝ Go home. Or fuck off. ❞

❝ There is nothing. Only warm, primordial blackness. Your conscience ferments in it -- no larger than a single grain of malt. You don't have to do anything anymore. ❞

❝ This is a terrible line of questioning, and it will only lead to more awareness. ❞

❝ Alright. Nothingtown to Fuck-All-Borough! ❞

❝ Have you looked in the mirror lately? You have the exact features of a savage art critic. Disheveled and prophetic. ❞

❝ Looks like the circus left town, but the clowns are still here. ❞

❝ I am the vilest of the vile: A traitor, a devourer of nations and infants. ❞

❝ My days of giving a shit and being this type of animal are over. ❞

❝ Don't stop, keep singing. Sing me the song of death. ❞

❝ When you wear your coat, you wear my soul. ❞

❝ Weave this into the story of you. ❞

❝ Do I have a shaker in my hand? Am I wearing a little bow-tie? Am I smiling? Do you see me smiling and shaking my little shaker? No? Do you know why? Because I'm not a bartender! ❞

❝ I'm currently in between names. ❞

❝ What the fuck is a rake? I'm not a gardener! ❞

❝ The streets will flow red once more. You wait and see. ❞

❝ You are obsessed with sadness and with frivolous pop culture. ❞

❝ It's a matter of days. Not weeks. ❞

❝ It's very late. We should be resting already. Tomorrow will be another tough day. ❞

❝ I am the law. ❞

❝ You failed. You failed me. ❞

❝ Time to go work in the shit factory! ❞

❝ Don't worry, we will protect you from her beauty. ❞

❝ I see through deceits. ❞

❝ You are not a fool. ❞

❝ We made each other drink harder. That's why I liked him. ❞

❝ That's why I liked him. ❞

❝ My real name isn't mine. ❞

❝ I am as queer as cabaret. ❞

❝ You're a human can-opener. ❞

❝ I hope that at least that extra lining helps you keep warm at night. I wouldn't like you to catch cold. ❞

❝ It's your disgusting body. Even through your sleep, you feel a vague discomfort suffusing it. Your belly and your sides are unpleasantly tender. You wish you could curl up into a fetal ball of safety, but you cannot -- because of the pain. ❞

❝ You're just pretending that you're asleep, even to yourself. While the world goes on without you... ❞

❝ Thou art honourable and just, sire. 'Tis the snakes who are vile! Hissing in the grass... ❞

❝ You look like shit. ❞

❝ Oh God, ___! oh God, ___, what did you do...?! ❞

❝ I'm sorry ___. I'm so sorry. ❞

❝ The night is always darkest before the dawn. ❞

❝ Look under the floorboards. ❞

❝ Yes, I enjoyed the way he bled. ❞

❝ Habitual alcohol use has made you into a scared little pussy. ❞

❝ People just don't know how to accept gifts, especially taxidermy. ❞

❝ I'm very sorry for your loss. ❞

❝ It's not your place to live their lives. ❞

❝ What going to happen now? Everyone's going to die! What do you think is going to happen? ❞

❝ No one ever cares anymore, why would they cheat me like this?... ❞

❝ The person inside doesn't even know you are here. ❞

❝ It's the world. You're made of it. Every day you're out there you make more of yourself from it. I'm afraid you can't be unmade now. ❞

❝ You're one fine instrument. ❞

❝ You're the son of the World again. A ceaseless agent picking up litter and old newspapers, collecting your little bubble gum wrappers and idiot picture cards. Meaningless, meaningless keepsakes. ❞

❝ All those faces and all those names, all that laughter and screaming and scheming around... Every corner and every street... Recorded in you. Forever. ❞

❝ You're a real political animal. You still don't see that it's the world that's changing you. ❞

❝ I am the city. ❞

❝ I am a fragment of the world spirit. ❞

❝ My heart is the wind corridor. ❞    

❝ I've seen you with her -- and I've seen you without her. I've seen you on the crescent of the hill. ❞

❝ I need you. You can keep me on this earth. ❞

❝ Be vigilant. ❞    

❝ I love you. ❞

❝ You're going to keep your vows. ❞

❝ I'm not going to be played by an upset stomach. ❞

❝ Kill him if you have to. Our ultimate fate depends on it. ❞

❝ It is time to unleash the Other-World. ❞

❝ They said they killed him. They said 'it was a good way to end a Sunday night'. ❞    

❝ Be wary of the abyss. ❞

❝ Okay Mr. Sunshine, I guess I'd be pretty gloomy too had I gotten shot in the ass. ❞

❝ You already were a ghost. ❞    

❝ It's the living who are ghosts. The dead are silent. They don't rattle windows or write letters in blood. The living do. ❞

❝ You are the infernal engine. You never stop. You only get worse. ❞

❝ Sunrise, ____. Prepare for war. ❞

❝ I just don't want to walk into another embarrassment. ❞

❝ I am a creature of pride, you see... I'm afraid of becoming a joke. ❞

❝ Let's just admire this piece of the world we happen to have in front of us, eh? ❞

❝ Sometimes I feel like I don't have a good brain. ❞

❝ I am a deserter, a partisan, and a prisoner of war. This is my term-less surrender. ❞

❝ It's the life of a dog, not a human being. ❞

❝ Men without ideals are only animals. ❞

❝ In truth -- perhaps I'm nothing? ❞

[sunsetsoft]

°ㅤ𝙷𝙾𝚆 𝙳𝙾𝙴𝚂 𝚈𝙾𝚄𝚁 𝙼𝚄𝚂𝙴 𝙲𝙰𝚁𝚁𝚈 𝙴𝙼𝙾𝚃𝙸𝙾𝙽 ? please repost , don’t reblog ! bold / italicize what applies accordingly .

『 𝒂𝒏𝒈𝒆𝒓 . 』   jaw     clenching ,     hands     balling     into     fists ,     teeth     grinding,     yelling ,     going     nonverbal ,     vocalizations ,     stuttering     speech ,     rushed     speech ,     slow     concise     speech ,     rambling ,     quiet ,     arms     crossing ,     shaking     head ,     curling     lip     upwards ,     baring     teeth ,     tearing     up ,     animated ,     expressionless ,     projects ,     internalizes ,     vents ,     withdraws ,     tighter     movements ,     passive-aggressive ,     direct ,     physical     outbursts ,     verbal     outbursts ,     pacing ,     going     still ,     anger     boils     over     in     the     heat     of     the     moment     but     cools     down     quickly     afterwards ,     anger     brews     slowly     but     lingers     longer ,     will     act     out     of     impulse     when     angry ,     will     stew     on     their     anger     and     plot     revenge ,     holds     grudges ,     forgives     easily ,     forgives     but     never     forgets

『 𝒋𝒐𝒚 . 』  easy     smiles ,     fighting     back     grins ,     suppressed     laughter ,     loud     laughter ,     giggles ,     chuckling ,     smirks ,     whole     body     laughs ,     covers     mouth     when     laughing/giggling ,     throws     head     back     when     laughing ,     slaps     leg ,     touches     people     around     them     when     laughing ,     looks     down     when     laughing ,     looks     for     eye     contact     when     laughing,     sparkling     eyes ,     bubbly     happiness ,     quiet     subtle     happiness ,     obnoxious     happiness ,     wants     to     spread     joy ,     quietly     savors     joy

『 𝒔𝒂𝒅𝒏𝒆𝒔𝒔 . 』   crying ,     bottling     it     up ,     seeking     distractions ,     wallowing ,     meditating     and     processing ,     avoidance ,     seeking     out     comfort ,     withdrawing ,     swallowing     thickly ,     talking     it     out ,     internalizing     it ,     sad     smiles ,     depression     naps ,     using     alcohol ,     using     drugs ,     seeking     out     sources     of     joy ,     fidgets     with     sentimental     item ,     sits     in     silence ,     broods ,     gets     moody ,     wants     someone     to     share     the     misery ,     tries     to     hide     negative     emotions ,     nurtures     others     to     make     themselves     feel     better

『 𝒆𝒎𝒃𝒂𝒓𝒓𝒂𝒔𝒔𝒎𝒆𝒏𝒕     /     𝒔𝒉𝒂𝒎𝒆 . 』       blushing ,     looking     away ,     rubbing     at     the     back     of     the     head ,     running     a     hand     through     hair ,     clearing     throat ,     covering     the     face ,     laughing     nervously ,     laughing     it     off ,     overthinking ,     letting     it     go ,     self-deprecating     humor ,     deflecting ,     getting     irritated ,     smiling ,     withdraws ,     crossing     arms     over     the     stomach ,     crossing     arms     over     chest ,     hands     in     pockets ,     shoulders     sinking ,     shrugs ,     falling     into     silence     until     comfortable     again ,     talking     a     lot     to     compensate

『 𝒈𝒖𝒊𝒍𝒕 . 』   avoiding     eye     contact ,     shoulders     sinking     low ,     head     hanging     down ,     crying ,     chest     aches ,     lashing     out ,     internalizing ,     apologizing ,     deflecting ,     communicating ,     withdrawing ,     grand     gestures     for     forgiveness ,     accepting     fault     easily ,     punishing     themselves ,     martyrdom ,     victim     complex ,     over-active     guilt     complex ,     healthy     conscience ,     internalizes     even     after     forgiveness ,     seeking     redemption ,     moves     on     easily ,     denial ,     shuts     off     empathy     to     cope ,     lack     of     guilt / conscience ,     sorry     they     got     caught     more     than     caused     harm ,     can’t     handle     knowing     they     hurt     others

『 𝒇𝒆𝒂𝒓     /     𝒂𝒏𝒙𝒊𝒆𝒕𝒚 . 』   trembling ,     crying ,     sarcasm / sass     to     cope,     humour     to     cope ,     rambles ,     going     quiet ,     going     nonverbal ,     getting     angry ,     fidgeting ,     freezing     up ,     impatience ,     clenching     jaw ,     picking     at     nails ,     chewing     at     the     lip ,     pulling     at     clothes ,     adjusting     jewelry / clothing / hair ,     pacing ,     swallowing     thickly ,     eyes     widening ,     over - reacts ,     under - reacts ,     calm ,     logical ,     panic ,     irrational,     overthinks ,     carefully     analyzes ,     talk     to     themselves ,     breathing     exercises ,     flight ,     fight ,     withdraw ,     fawn

tagged: @harpersoath tagging: @byanyan / @lctibule, @magicxecustos, @elliscousland, you!!

[sunsetsoft]

not kissing a vampire after they drink your blood is like not kissing someone after they give you head. Where’s your class. intimacy

[sunsetsoft]

I'm not done being annoying, get the fuck back here.

[sunsetsoft]

when do you gaze at your soulmate?

when they don't see you - you love them and you're not sure they know. but that's okay. you're used to loving more than you are loved. you give more than is given. and maybe others don't understand but you don't expect more. you tell yourself the love in your heart is not meant to be savored by anyone other than you. it's more than enough to get to exist at the same time as them. you stand in their shadow and you thank the sun for casting it. they touch your arm but they do not feel the same warmth which lingers on your skin for days. you gaze at them and they might even be looking right back but they are not seeing into your soul the same way you have memorized theirs. it's enough you tell yourself. it's enough. it's enough. but what if it's not? and what if you're wrong. what if they see you and all this time you have been too scared to ask what they're looking at.

tagged by: i stole it from the dash tagging: @byanyan / @lctibule, @magicxecustos, @elliscousland, @wakesleft, @harpersoath + you! tag me if you do this, i wanna see!!

[sunsetsoft]

🍒ooc. oh how i hate working with a trackpad... (guy who literally just left the mouse on the table and is making his own life harder by not getting up to get it, its literally that easy....) anyway. this is a MEME CALL. like for a collection of memes in your inbox over the next 24 hours or so! just make sure you have an accessible meme tag for me to peruse!

[sunsetsoft]

🍒 ooc. have ttrpg tonight, but if my sleep is anything like it has been the past week or so, i'm hoping to utilise the awake hours once i've recovered from that mutuals please hmu on discord, i cannot handle the tumblr dm system, just let me know who you are and know i'll be busy for the next few hours

[sunsetsoft]

IN THE SEA OF THE FADE, THERE ARE WAKES LEFT BY OUR PASSING, OUR DESIRES, OUR FEARS. . .

[sunsetsoft]

theres no such thing as tmi to me. i want to live in your ribcage.

[sunsetsoft]

#the way she’s so soft pushing his hair out of his face #the way william grips her ass and pulls her closer #kill me now #a sweet death