sunlovemoon

[sunlovemoon]

the winter sun is so beautiful, it's warmth feels gentle, like a fleeting touch of comfort.

[sunlovemoon]

i see blood on every rose petal

it turns black as i touch it

unfortunately the rumours were true

i’m cursed

the moon hides its face when i gaze up

every mirror cracks when i come near

the wind whispers secrets i can't unhear

trees twisting their roots to avoid my steps

the lakes dries themselves when i lean into it

will there ever be a dawn for me,

or am i doomed to haunt the night?

[sunlovemoon]

2:30 am friday 20 december 2024

i have been listening to love songs and reading love poetry, watching couples reels still im not feeling anything for anyone, maybe i've fallen out of love, maybe my sadness is greater than my love maybe i don't have love, i have never been romantically interested in anyone, i had crush on this person they kinda broke me again and again so i forgot they existed, i am not even feeling the grief of lost love maybe i have really fallen out of love i feel so pathetic for not being in love with anyone, i don't miss anyone i have become a statue, i have become emotionless maybe i am becoming a robot, im not liking it i want to be in love with someone, i want to feel things, im literally listening to my favourite love songs rn without feeling anything, maybe i neee to read a book or watch a movie i feel so worthless im so sad wtf

[sunlovemoon]

my biggest fear is losing my diaries

[sunlovemoon]

NO WAR

Moon and Venus (Dec. 4, 2024)

[sunlovemoon]

going to give myself a big scar so i can remember how worse my 19th birthday went

[sunlovemoon]

can you sense my thoughts, our foreheads joined, lines and tiny details of our skin merging as if we were always meant to fit?

how did we get here, so close i feel your warmth sinking into me, our skin igniting like a slow tender flame feels as if it was always ours?

[sunlovemoon]

today marks the four years since october 20, 2020, the day i was separated from my family—the ones who named me, held me first, raised me, and loved me unconditionally. every day since has felt like carrying the weight of an unfinished story, a piece of my soul that wandered away but never stopped aching to return. not a day goes by that i don't feel the emptiness they left behind, like a part of me is missing, floating somewhere out of reach. i miss their voices, their embrace, and the small, everyday moments that made life feel whole. though time passes, the longing remains as fresh as ever, and i pray with every breath that one day, Insha’Allah, i’ll be reunited with them. Ameen. until that day, i hold them in my heart, whispering silent prayers for our reunion, believing that love will guide us back to each other, no matter how far apart we are now. hope is the thread i hold onto, knowing love never fades, no matter the distance or time.

[sunlovemoon]

i brutally slaughter each fragmented version of myself, then cradle the shattered pieces in my loving arms. i whisper gentle reassurances that only echoes within my hollow soul. i tenderly hold my fractured head, rocking myself in a desperate attempt to soothe the anguish. ‘it's for your own good,’ i lie, trying to convince the shattered remnants of my being. ’i'll rise from these ashes, reborn for you, like a pheonix’ tears stream down my face as i chant the mantra, the words feel like ash on my tongue but i cling to them: it will be okay... somehow, someway...

[sunlovemoon]

all good things exist in a pair, your beautiful eyes, your heart and soul, your soft lips, that pair of ceramic cups in your kitchen, your pair of bangles, every beautiful thing exists in a pair like sun and moon, you and me

[sunlovemoon]

i have been losing friends and going insane

[sunlovemoon]

rage in my veins it never leaves so i'll leave

[sunlovemoon]

i develope different kind of hate for everything when im on my war days

[sunlovemoon]

to be able to love without the fear of abandonment

[sunlovemoon]

can i slump in your arms?

can you be the place where i can be myself

where i don't have to hide my flaws or pretend to be someone i'm not

will you be the one to see through the facade?

to love me for who i truly am

to accept my imperfections and flaws

and still see the beauty within

will you be the place where i can finally stop performing for?

where i can let down my guard and be vulnerable

can i lay my head on your chest

and listen to your heartbeat

that reminds me that i'm not alone

[sunlovemoon]

I RELATE SO BAD

Talking to people I don't share apart of my soul with is hauntingggg me!!

[sunlovemoon]

Eid is not eid when we lost a family member a day before eid, everything in my home is messed up Allah Tallah please take away all the pain of my loved ones and give them sabr ameen