sunlovemoon

[sunlovemoon]

i can't keep the mask of pretens anymore

[sunlovemoon]

i can't keep the mask of pretens anymore

[sunlovemoon]

can you sense my thoughts, our foreheads joined, lines and tiny details of our skin merging as if we were always meant to fit?

how did we get here, so close i feel your warmth sinking into me, our skin igniting like a slow tender flame feels as if it was always ours?

[sunlovemoon]

all they do is hammer their nailing words on my head and when i bleed they complain

[sunlovemoon]

i can't focus on studies i keep thinking about them about the times when everything was perfect i miss my other family i miss my grandparents and everyone but i also think that they don't miss me at all it's just me missing them all the time, they say they do miss me but ig that just saying i can't bring myself to believe them as im a very forgettable person always the replaceable one, i hate myself for that i hope God do justice and i get to live a peaceful life and i stop suffering the consequences of other people's actions

[sunlovemoon]

today marks the four years since october 20, 2020, the day i was separated from my family—the ones who named me, held me first, raised me, and loved me unconditionally. every day since has felt like carrying the weight of an unfinished story, a piece of my soul that wandered away but never stopped aching to return. not a day goes by that i don't feel the emptiness they left behind, like a part of me is missing, floating somewhere out of reach. i miss their voices, their embrace, and the small, everyday moments that made life feel whole. though time passes, the longing remains as fresh as ever, and i pray with every breath that one day, Insha’Allah, i’ll be reunited with them. Ameen. until that day, i hold them in my heart, whispering silent prayers for our reunion, believing that love will guide us back to each other, no matter how far apart we are now. hope is the thread i hold onto, knowing love never fades, no matter the distance or time.

[sunlovemoon]

i brutally slaughter each fragmented version of myself, then cradle the shattered pieces in my loving arms. i whisper gentle reassurances that only echoes within my hollow soul. i tenderly hold my fractured head, rocking myself in a desperate attempt to soothe the anguish. ‘it's for your own good,’ i lie, trying to convince the shattered remnants of my being. ’i'll rise from these ashes, reborn for you, like a pheonix’ tears stream down my face as i chant the mantra, the words feel like ash on my tongue but i cling to them: it will be okay... somehow, someway...

[sunlovemoon]

i can't stop crying this anxiety is real

[sunlovemoon]

all good things exist in a pair, your beautiful eyes, your heart and soul, your soft lips, that pair of ceramic cups in your kitchen, your pair of bangles, every beautiful thing exists in a pair like sun and moon, you and me

[sunlovemoon]

yall know whats happening in the world which album is dropping which celebs are dating which trends are popping and blah blah but are you aware of the genocide happening in palestine since last october ??? its about to be a year of this ongoing crisis and ive even seen friends casually eating kfc while ignoring the suffering?? how can you be so indifferent we started boycotting things right?? its the least we can do if you cant fund anything thats okay at least boycott and share whats happening there. we all have social media sharing this wont ruin your accounts aesthetics im sorry but i cant include you in the category of human if you refuse to speak up about this palestine is slowly being forgotten and people are no longer sharing whats happening SILENCE IS COMPLICITY we need to keep the conversation alive stand in solidarity and make sure their voices arent lost in the noise :)

[sunlovemoon]

everything just hurts and im so tired of it

[sunlovemoon]

i have been losing friends and going insane

[sunlovemoon]

وَلَا تَخَفْ ۖ

“…have no fear”

(Quran 20:21)

لَا تَخَافَآ ۖ

“Have no fear!”

(Quran 20:46)

لَا تَخَفْ

“Do not fear!”

(Quran 20:68)

لَّا تَخَـٰفُ

“Have no fear!”

(Quran 20:77)

[sunlovemoon]

rage in my veins it never leaves so i'll leave

[sunlovemoon]

i develope different kind of hate for everything when im on my war days

[sunlovemoon]

to be able to love without the fear of abandonment

[sunlovemoon]

can i slump in your arms?

can you be the place where i can be myself

where i don't have to hide my flaws or pretend to be someone i'm not

will you be the one to see through the facade?

to love me for who i truly am

to accept my imperfections and flaws

and still see the beauty within

will you be the place where i can finally stop performing for?

where i can let down my guard and be vulnerable

can i lay my head on your chest

and listen to your heartbeat

that reminds me that i'm not alone