sunlovemoon

[sunlovemoon]

pushing everyone away so when i kill myself they don't remember a shit about me

[sunlovemoon]

im trying so hard to be strong but i break apart so miserably

[sunlovemoon]

so today i talked about my fifteen years of trauma and i feel a little lighter, he gave me strength to handle it he showed that he cares for me and will be there for me whenever i need help, i told him im considering therapy and he became my therapist, he's so caring and patient with me, May Allah SWT bless him with good health and wealth i pray he achieves everything he wants and dreams of, i pray for his happiness, im so grateful to him as a best friend<3

[sunlovemoon]

losing my dadi was my breaking point bec now i don't have anyone to save me...im tired of this everyday trauma it adds up more trauma and i keep suffering please Allah help mer it's really too hard for me to take

[sunlovemoon]

i remember studying all night or doing my work, my dadi used to wake up at night to check on me to see if i need anything, she used to ask "coffee bana du?, paani hai? thaand toh nahi lag rahi" she loved me a lot ya Allah pls give me sabr i can never process this i miss my dadi so much, may Allah SWT grant her highest rank in Jannah ameen summa ameen, i hope she's happy there, i just can't stop crying it hurts

[sunlovemoon]

i have gotten really sick but im not telling anyone i don't want anyone to worry about me in all these things idk i don't want to be here

[sunlovemoon]

i miss my dadi so much i can't stop crying it hurts a lot ya Allah please give me sabr

[sunlovemoon]

there are so many of my friends texting and calling me daily to make sure im okay and if i need anything...they say they're worried about me, even i am bec im breaking apart so miserably it doesn't stop

[sunlovemoon]

im surrounded by thrones and im disgusted by the injustice and the behaviour of people i wish i could run away

[sunlovemoon]

im never going to be okay until i die so i might just kms

[sunlovemoon]

im trying to hold every thread i can but if they want to slip away i'll hold it again but for the third time i myself will cut it off

[sunlovemoon]

the people i pushed away stayed with me and the people i kept close stepped back

[sunlovemoon]

idk how to be okay im scared here

[sunlovemoon]

it's hurting a lot im losing myself

[sunlovemoon]

i can't process the loss i am so scared

[sunlovemoon]

last day

[sunlovemoon]