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[sunkissedxin]

#13.

Such an ominous blog title. Hahaha. Let’s blog about something happy!

Exams are finally over! I’ve been working for the past 3 weeks and I can’t wait to finally have enough money to do what I want. Being broke is not a good feeling. But I think I’ll either have to find another part time job or teach tuition, cause BYND seems to be decreasing the amount of working days I have. Oh well, shall see how it goes. If it’s going to be the same next week, I’ll probably start teaching tuition.

Sucks to be adulting so soon. Mum is trying to make me pay for my own phone bills and stuff. Mehhhhhhh. Whalp me pls. 🥺🥺🥺

[sunkissedxin]

#12.

So I have been thinking a lot more than usual these past few days (ever since I went to TOUCH dedication in FCBC). Well, at least more than usual, since I have no time, so it’s like little snippets of thoughts here and there.

So I have been thinking, why have I not accepted Christ?

I had been in a Catholic Church in my pre-school and I have a lot of friends who are Christians. So I kinda know what the bible is about. And my ex-maid used to lend me her church subscriptions for me to read and learn about Christ.

I think it boils down to my family and friends. My family is Taoist, so their opinions matter despite in me not really believing in the religion. Like I’ve always thought that there is someone up there controlling everything, but I just don’t know who the person is. That’s why I wanted to read the different books of religion, like the Quran and the Bible after my examinations to find out more. Also, it doesn’t help that some of my friends don’t believe in Christ and some feels condemned because of the life choices they have made. I personally hold the opinions of my family and my close friends very dearly to me, even though I don’t say so.

I also have a fear of commitment. I’m afraid that halfway down the road to Christianity I would stray. Religion is a very scary thing. Once you commit to it, you will have to stay on that path for the rest of your life. I’m always doubting myself if I could stay committed to something for such a long period of time. And probably that’s why I’m not in a relationship now. Everytime I think of the idea of someone liking me, I will flinch, no matter now good the person is. I guess I will need to straighten out my thoughts, feelings and emotions before I can start something new.

I have always said that I have the thinking of an 8-year-old, and refusing to do anything about it and changing it. Jiaxin, how old already, I’m at the quarter mark of my life. I should stop escaping reality and start facing life heads on. I cannot be selfish anymore. I must work harder to change and be a better version of myself.

Last but not least, I really need to learn how to shut my mouth. Sometimes it’s better not to say some things because it might lead to negative consequences despite the positive intentions behind it. Words hurt. And I wouldn’t like to be someone who is tactless and hurt others. I need to learn how to be more nurturing, and do things in a calming and more acceptable way.

2019 has been great thus far. I’m willing to embrace and have the courage to face this year’s challenges heads on. Like what Winston Churchill once said ; “If you’re going through hell, keep going.” May 2019 be a much better year for everyone. Cheers! ✨✨

[sunkissedxin]

Dude is anti social, just like me. 😂😂

[sunkissedxin]

I’m scared. Let me sleep.

[sunkissedxin]

This is crazy. And if I have the choice I will never get myself in this kind of situation again.

It has been 1.5 months and my ankle is still swollen. Lol. Time to rest and recover.

[sunkissedxin]

#11.

Apparently I’m not a Singaporean because

1. Idk the name of that stupid song

2. Idk the name of the garden that’s coming up in Changi Airport next year.

Wokay. So done with you. LEL.

[sunkissedxin]

Crashed way harder than I would like after ACID camp. I kinda miss doing camps, but I’m also really tired. Isit because I’m older now and my body can’t keep up? Or isit I’m still not having enough rest? Hmmmmm. 🤔🤔

[sunkissedxin]

#10.

这不是你想要的吗？我真心的祝福你们。

[sunkissedxin]

#9.

You can still love even when you’re in pain. I’m sorry things have turned out this way. Since it’s the consequence of your choice, you will have to face it. I know it will be difficult, but I will be there for you every step of the way. Please stay strong. Love you.

Thankful and blessed that I have people in my life who genuinely care.

[sunkissedxin]

#8.

Growing up, my parents showed love very differently to my sister and I. My dad doesn’t really talk to us (well, he’s the only man in the family, can’t really blame him for it) and my mum spends more time bonding with my sister than me. Well, I’m not too sure why, but I think the reason for that is because my sister has always been more rebellious and my mum felt that she needs to keep an eye on her. My mum always ensures that I have what I want and need; she will just hand me cash whenever I asked for anything. And yep, I guess she felt that I’m more mature and able to manage things more? I don’t know. All I know is that my mum feels more comfortable with me handling money as compared to my sister.

I’ve always felt like the odd one out of the family, both physically and mentally. My parents and sister are really traditional and it hurts when they don’t accept the choices I make sometimes. But it hurts even more that they don’t really know much about me. Things between my sister and I are much better, like we can talk and all, but I really feel that my mum doesn’t really know me at all. She doesn’t even know what I can eat and cannot eat. Lel. Oh well, I guess this really shows we need to spend more time together. That is if I don’t lose my temper first, which I’m trying really hard to control. Which is very hard because I feel as if my mum doesn’t even understand me at all.

Hopefully things will get better with time.

[sunkissedxin]

#7.

Was pretty triggered yesterday by the series of events that happened.... But I’m fine now! :D (I hope. Lel.)

Gotta improve in being zen, to calm down and not react to every single thing that happens in my life. Because honestly, some things are just not worthy/worth the time to, especially now, with exams so close.

So I saw a tweet on Facebook just now. It goes something along the lines of somebody crying due to the stress in university but stopped after 10 seconds and continued her work because she had no time to. Lel. Me, right now.

Whalp. So many things to complete and so little time. You can do this Jiaxin! Let’s not get distracted now! 💪🏽💪🏽

[sunkissedxin]

The bane of my existence - People not answering to the question. I’m pretty sure your teacher has taught you this in school, in some form or another; ABQ - Answer the Bloody Question. It just frustrates me so much that people don’t answer to the question. Especially if it’s a yes or no question. Is it so hard to answer questions? I can only think of a few scenarios where people don’t answer the question. 1. You don’t understand the question. 2. You don’t wish to answer the question, and thus, finding another way to reply. And most of the time, it’s number 2. It just shows who you are as a person. Wadchu tryna hide boi? Also, you are not a politician, you don’t have to answer like that. Annoys me to the core. P.s. my friends were role playing with me. Thanks friends for being such sports. 💕

[sunkissedxin]

“说不上爱别说谎，就一点喜欢”

—说散就散

[sunkissedxin]

#6.

I just have this strange thought, and I’m not sure if I’m right.

People will always think that they are right. Unless they are proven wrong. Especially when feelings get involved. And that’s why things get messy, especially if you don’t hear the viewpoint from the other party. (Which likely happens when emotions run high.)

I don’t know. Just wondering though... Have you ever thought about how I felt?

I don’t think it’s important now, ain’t it?