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sundives · 4 days ago

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Tsunami ✶ ksn.

Wreck my plans, stop me dead, kiss me now

Summary: Kim Sunoo is a hopeless romantic. Blame it on his upbringing, and the amount of romance k-dramas he has binged. So don’t blame him when he thinks he found the love of his life when one rainy night, you went to The Rabbit Hole an hour before it's closing, asked for a bottle of soju, and sang at the open mic stage drunk. You barely recall that night, but for Sunoo? his feelings for you came crashing like waves that night.

With a piece of handkerchief and slurry excerpts of yourself, Sunoo is determined to find you and well — court you. But it seems like his dream girl is far from reality when you’re that girl who swore to never ever want to fall in love again.

✰ Song inspiration: Tsunami by Niki, Mess it up by Gracie Abrams, Backburner by Niki

✰ Word Count: 24.1k

✰ Tags: strangers to lovers, love at first sight, meet-cute, kinda coffee shop au ig, fluff with a dash of angst, smut! college settings, misunderstandings, slow-burn, realization of feelings, ghosting, kinda kidfic, mentions of family issues, alcohol and drinking, kim sunoo is a hopeless romantic, reader is Sunoo’s manic pixie dream girl, older! reader, flawed! reader, mentions of enhypen members, mentions of kpop idols. Not proofread lmao.

✰ CW: smut! Plot with little porn, protected sex (we cheer!!) p in v sex, sub! reader, dom! sunoo, a bit of manhandling, kinda degradation? (you guys be the judge of it) petnames, facial, oral (m and f receiving), face riding, heavy makeouts, mentions of blood, they’re just really really nasty, soft aftercare. Shitty smut, just giving you guys a heads up.

✰ Asul’s note: Blushing right now because it’s Sunoo's story! Sixth installment of Arcanum series, let's go!! I think this plot is the most chaotic out of all the series? But it’s still a fluff-filled story! Also I know Sunoo has an older sister, but I gave him an older brother for the sake of the plot. Hope you enjoy this one! I literally crashed out a lot writing this fic lmaooo, but I am so satisfied with the outcome and all i can say is Sunoo pogi (handsome). Seriously, he's so pogi here in this fic. :(

You can check the other member's stories here: Heeseung | Jay | Jake | Sunghoon | Jungwon

✰ Taglist: @kiikiisblog @chuuyaobsessed @mangoescrazy @toastmenace @fancypeacepersona

Tuesday nights are usually slow hours for The Rabbit Hole.

The last customer just left, battling themselves against the pouring rain. Sunoo bids them with their usual goodbye before he cleans up the plates left on the table. The rain felt like beats of drum, beating against the concrete road, almost flooding the outside — a serene noise for their closing hour.

Sunoo’s thoughts trailed on the empty place, thinking that the weather wasn't the suitable option for people to go out and eat outside. Hence, why there weren’t any customers around.

Well, aside from that, it’s already 11:30 pm. There’s an hour left until he closes The Rabbit Hole. His boss, Jeonghan, the owner of the place had given him the keys of the doors before bidding goodnight and going upstairs where his home is.

Sunoo decides that it’s best to just close the place early. After he placed the plates on the drying rack, Sunoo dried off his hand with a clean towel. He goes outside to get ready to turn off the air conditioner when he hears the door swing open.

“Oh,” his eyes darted immediately at the entrance where a girl entered the place. Surprised to see an empty place. “Is it close now?”

Sunoo stares at you for a minute. You were holding on to your closed umbrella, wearing a letterman jacket that has the Decelis’ symbol on the right. Underneath it was a plain shirt and denim shorts.

“No,” Sunoo replied after the deafening silence. “But the only thing that’s available are the pastries and drinks, our cook has clocked out now.”

“I just need a bottle of soju,” you said sharply. “Would that be okay?”

Now, despite being a mixture of coffee shop and bar lounge, The Rabbit Hole still minimizes their alcohol service. Given that it’s near the university, Jeonghan makes sure that they don’t enable underage drinking or may cause ruckus when their patrons are under influence — they still have ties with the university after all.

“Sure,” he only nods, even though the soju that are available are used to their mixed cocktails and combos. “Do you want any flavor?”

“No, give me the original,” you said.

“Just go sit wherever you want, I’ll give you your order in just a minute,” he ushers and you could only give him a smile as you decided to sit near the window and entrance.

Sunoo goes inside the kitchen, where he grabs his phone hurriedly to send Jeonghan a message, stating that there’s a last-minute customer. While waiting, Sunoo prepares your order, grabbing one bottle and a clean shot glass. He exits the kitchen, approaching you who seems to be in deep thought.

“Here you go,” Sunoo said with his customer service voice. Placing down the bottle and shot glass in front of you. “Is there anything you need?”

“I’ll just let you know, thank you,” you glanced at him, and that’s when Sunoo was able to see your face clearer.

He doesn’t know why but he can feel his heart beating faster as his eyes locked onto yours. You were pretty. So fucking pretty if he can curse outloud. But despite your beauty, Sunoo can see the worried expression on your face — like you’ve been through a lot and you haven’t slept in days.

You look away first, opening the bottle and pouring it on to the shot glass. Not full, just half before taking a shot. That’s when Sunoo leaves you be, going inside the kitchen once again as he realized he stood near you for way too long.

He grabbed his phone and noticed that Jeonghan had replied to him, and it was just a simple message. His boss trusts him to take care of the customer. Of course, typical Jeonghan, he probably has tons of experience with last-minute customers before closing. This shouldn’t be his worry.

Sunoo only purses his lips. He’s not against last-minute customers — especially troubled ones, but he couldn’t help but to be curious about you. Going to The Rabbit Hole last minute, ordering a bottle of soju? He finds it concerning. He’ll understand if you’re going to buy a pastry or maybe a strong iced americano, because that’s what students do, but you were different. It’s like you’re trying to drown your worries away.

It’s his empath that’s talking, and he couldn’t stand to see you wallow under a bottle of soju. That’s why Sunoo decided to grab something from the fridge. Opening it, he sees the huge tupperwares of side dishes that their cook, Joshua, had stored. There’s no harm in taking some since the angel-like chef said that it’s for everyone, just don’t abuse it.

Sunoo took some portions of fish cake and marbled potatoes. That’ll do. The least he could do was give you some food so that you won’t drown yourself with the alcohol.

He exits the kitchen once again, holding the tray, slowly approaching you who’s on your phone. Tapping furiously like you’re fighting someone through text. Sunoo, although curious, didn’t pry further as he grabs the small plate of side dish and places it in front of you, catching you completely off-guard.

“I didn’t order this,” you said immediately.

“It’s in the house, you know drinking soju isn’t good without food,” Sunoo insisted.

You only stared at him for a second before muttering your thanks. Sunoo nods softly before turning around and going towards the bar counter where he decided to just distract himself with games on his phone.

The place was filled with tranquil silence for the following minutes, save it from the continuous downpour of the rain outside, almost flooding the streets while you remained on your seat, staring at the bottle, almost halfway finished while the side dishes are only a few pieces left.

You can feel it — your head spinning and eyes getting drowsy, which is weird because back in your college days you could finish a whole bottle of soju without getting tipsy. Now, you just wanted to lay down because your body feels heavy.

But instead of taking another shot, you grabbed the opened bottle and chugged it straight. The bittersweet liquor sliding down your throat, almost wincing at the warm it emits but you didn’t care. You drank it like it’s just a water bottle — not until a hand holds your wrist.

“I don’t think you should be doing that,” Sunoo said with a serious tone, making you remove the bottle from your lips. “There’s a shot glass for a reason.”

“Why do you care?” you asked with an annoyed tone.

“Store policy, we don’t allow customers to be drunk to an extent,” he explains softly.

“Why give me this then?”

“You're a customer that’s why,” then, Sunoo lets out a sigh. “It seems like you need it too.”

For a minute you didn’t answer, instead, you placed down the bottle on the table. “You’re right, I really need a drink. Everything in my life is shit to be honest.”

Sunoo’s eyes widened, he didn’t expect you to suddenly say those words. He stood there while you brushed your messy hair before looking at him.

“I just hate my family,” you started. “They’re such a mess, and it feels like it’s my responsibility to resolve everything just because I can talk to both sides.”

You stared at the soju bottle, almost a quarter left. You poured another one on your shot glass, hands shaky that you spilled a few liquid on the table. “Do I have to worry about that? When I should be focusing on my studies — and they’re not helping either, it’s like they wanted me to drop out of school just to fix our family.”

“Have you ever tried cutting them off?” Sunoo couldn’t help but to say something, you only bitterly waved him off.

“They pay for my school fees and everything, as much as I hate this mess, I still need to depend on them,” you only laughed. “That’s why the only thing I can do is drink my problem away.”

Sunoo watches as you drink the alcohol. Messy and almost spilling out of your mouth, trailing down to your chin. His hands moved instinctively, grabbing the tissue from the box when you ignored him. You grabbed your handkerchief from your jacket’s pocket and used it to wipe your mouth and chin.

“You’re still a student aren’t you?” you asked out of nowhere as you placed down your handkerchief on the table.

“Yup, Decelis University,” Sunoo replied. “You too?”

“You mean Decelis? Yeah, I’m a first year med student,” you chuckled.

Oh. Sunoo thought. You’re younger than him. Although you look mature for your age, which surprises him.

“I’m a junior,” Sunoo shared, in which you only reply with a nod.

“I’m sorry, you probably wanted to close the place but I came in,” you mumbled.

“Last minute customers happen,” Sunoo waves it off, before glancing at the clock. “It’s only half an hour before its closing hours, we had customers who stayed even after the closing hours.”

You only chuckled at his words. He seems nice, a little bit young to be a waiter but you guessed that he works part-time at The Rabbit Hole as a student assistant. That’s when you glanced at the small stage in the center of the place, where a mic stand is placed.

“Hey, do you mind if I sing?” you asked, and before Sunoo could even say a word, you stood up from your seat and walked wobbly towards the stage. Sitting on the tall stool, you grab the microphone and tap it slowly, it’s open and working.

Sunoo wasn’t able to do anything but to stand in the middle, watching you slowly hum a tune before you started singing.

His world stopped. Sunoo can feel his heart beating fast as your voice echoed through the place. Soft and gentle as you sang an old love song that you used to hear on the radio. Your eyes are closed as you sway lightly while you drunkenly sing the song with all your heart.

Your voice was like a siren’s call that Sunoo found himself locked on yours. He thinks he is in a k-drama scene — the one where he realized that he’s been in love with someone after being oblivious of his own feelings for years.

Sunoo curses internally because of his new-found feelings, but that’s how he really feels as he stands in front of you. Sunoo thinks cupid has struck him. And as corny as it sounds, he thinks that the search is over — you’re the one that he’s been looking for.

But in the height of the moment, the mic fell from your hands with a loud thud, snapping him out of reality. You jumped out of the stool and Sunoo went eyes wide when you fell on the floor flat.

“Shit!” his late response wasn’t helpful when he drops onto his knees to check you up. You’re knocked-out but breathing. Great. You just blacked-out and Sunoo knows that he’ll get an earful from Jeonghan if his boss discovers that he gave too much alcohol to a customer.

In his defense, he doesn’t know that your alcohol tolerance was this bad. The only thing that he could do was bring you to your home — which is another problem, because he doesn’t know where your home is.

“Hey, where do you live?” Sunoo stupidly asked, shaking your shoulder aggressively to wake you up, but he was only given with nothing but your soft breathing. You really are knocked-out dead and that frustrates Sunoo even more.

Would it be bad to bring you to his home? It’s like Sunoo has other options especially when he doesn’t know you at all except for the other information that you blurted out tonight — which isn’t also helpful for his situation right now.

Of course, he couldn't bear to leave you here, his boss will definitely fire him for leaving customers alone inside the establishment. That’s why bringing you to his home is his last resort.

Sunoo gently lifted you from the floor, carrying you back to your chair and making you sit there wasn’t that hard. You were like a doll, unalive and unmoving which helped him make you sit on the chair with ease.

Sunoo cleaned up everything while you sat there, still asleep. He had guessed that you’ll wake up the next day. After checking everything at the last minute, the part-timer had concluded the night.

He approaches you with soft steps. Gently, he tried to shake your shoulders again, hoping that it’ll stir you up. But he didn’t receive any response, so he only grabbed you and carried you on his back.

Locking the door of The Rabbit Hole, he made his way back to his apartment flat. Luckily, it’s just a few blocks away from the coffee shop. The rain was only soft plitter-platters now, and the night was quiet. Everyone’s already inside their house, preparing for their goodnight sleep which Sunoo was planning to do but you happened.

As he entered his place, he flickered the lights on and removed his shoes, going straight to his bedroom without any complaints. From there, he gently placed you down on his bed, removing your shoes in the process.

Sunoo couldn’t help but to stop for a moment and stare at you. He can feel it — his cheeks heating up and heart beating in a rapid manner. You look peaceful in your sleep, as if you didn’t drink your problems away.

That’s when Sunoo recalled your frustrations earlier, and it hurts him that you’re stuck in an helpless situation. He wishes he could help you in some ways — if only time provides him a good timing to approach you.

Then, in his deep thoughts, you let out a small groan as you stirred in his bed.

“Hey, you okay?” he asked, leaning closely to you who seemed to be blinded by the lights.

Then it happened.

All of the sudden, Sunoo’s eyes went wide when he felt your lips crashing onto his. An act that made him freeze as you captured his lips with yours. Softly, you moved your lips to feel more of him who was only frozen from where he was. Your mind was hazy and your eyes were shut that you don’t even know who’s the stranger that you were kissing. In the back of your mind, you just had the urge to feel something raw and intimate.

But before it could go further, Sunoo breaks out from the kiss. Still in the middle of processing it, the only thing he did was gently push you back to the bed, and then scurried his way out of the room.

It’s not that Sunoo’s a virgin or a prude, but he was just surprised that you kissed him all of the sudden. Cold sweats broke from his body as he fans himself from the warmth that he felt from the kiss. He couldn’t help but still feel flustered about it even though the act felt absolutely wrong.

Sunoo glances at the door of his room once again, wondering if you woke up due to your sudden action. He wanted to double-check if you’re doing fine but he’s worried that it might happen again. He doesn’t even know how to properly explain to you what’s going on if he ever finds you actually awake.

He couldn’t help but to let out a deep sigh as he paced back and forth while he thought whether or not, should he check on you. But in the end, Sunoo decided to flop down on the couch and just sleep the embarrassment away. He couldn’t help but to feel like a k-drama male lead, the one who was too frustrated to confess their feelings due to emotional constipation.

Sunoo’s thought had him awake until three am. The couch felt uncomfortable to sleep in but he’s much worried that you might wake up anytime. What will happen when morning comes and the two of you have woken up? It kept on playing in his mind until he felt the drowsiness knock him down.

Kim Sunoo is a hopeless romantic.

Blame it on his empath personality and growing up being showered with love by his family. He remembers how his father would still court his mother with love and gifts despite being married for almost 20 years. They set the standard for him and his older brother. Sunoo can see that their father’s way of loving their mother was also passed on to his older brother, who at the moment, is engaged to his girlfriend of seven years.

He believes that love pursues. If you love someone, you’ll make an effort. You want the girl? Prove to her that you’re serious with your love. Sunoo had a fair share of relationships from the past. Some were short and some were long. He doesn’t regret any of his past relationships at all, but he knows they weren’t the right ones for him.

But you? Sunoo is certain that it’s you, who’s he’s been waiting for. There’s something about you that struck his heart, that’s why he’s currently looking for you, hoping that his heart won’t betray him.

Sadly, his college love story is a fairytale under the story of Cinderella, but instead of a glass slipper, you left him a handkerchief and a stolen kiss that still lingers on his lips despite a week having passed. It bugged him because Decelis University is huge. How will he be able to find you amongst the thousands of students?

What’s harder is that your handkerchief only has one clue. An embroidered letter “N.” Sunoo had assumed that it’s the first letter of your name, or maybe it’s part of the design — he doesn’t know and it irritates him even more.

“You’ve been staring at that handkerchief for a week,” Jungwon pointed out, face writhing in disgust. “Have you even washed it?”

“Of course! I even added Downy to it!” Sunoo defended, quickly placing back the handkerchief on his pocket. He’s keeping it everyday, hoping that when he bumped into you, he can return it.

“It’s been a week, you know that she’s not coming back, you know?” Riki, who’s busy wiping on the glasses on the bar counter, mumbled. “Unless, well, she remembers to pay back for the bottle of soju, which looks like she has forgotten.”

“I told you that it’ll be cut off on my pay,” the brunette said, which only made Riki roll his eyes.

“Damn, nothing’s starting yet, and you’re already making grand gestures,” Jungwon grins and Sunoo throws a scrunched tissue paper on his face.

“Wanna bet that she’s not going to return?” Riki challenged, smiling playfully at the two.

“50,000 won that Sunoo will find her within this week,” Jungwon accepted.

“Dude, you’re betting that much? I was fucking joking,” the taller man said in surprised.

“Wow, you guys are really going to bet on my lovelife,” Sunoo sarcastically remarked.

“It’ll motivate you to find her,” Jungwon laughs before glancing at Riki. “Take it or leave it.”

“Fine, 50,000 won that she had ghosted Sunoo.”

Sunoo ignores his friend’s banters as he sadly pouts on the bar stool. It was past one am. The Rabbit Hole is already closed. The three of them remained, waiting for Riki who’s in charge of the closing shift. The shift wasn’t that busy today, but Sunoo still can feel the ache on his body wearing him out.

He has classes tomorrow and after that, he’ll go straight to The Rabbit Hole again because it’s a Wednesday, Arcanum has a scheduled gig and it’ll be a full house again. Sunoo’s used to it. Having to work part-time on The Rabbit Hole since sophomore year, he knows how to move around the place and still be able to prioritize his studies.

Jeonghan, the owner of the place, fixes his shift based on his schedule every semester. Same with the other part-time working students like Riki. That’s why he couldn’t bear to leave it too, plus the pay is an additional allowance for him.

As Riki locks the door of the entrance. The three of them walked their way towards Sunoo’s dorm, deciding to have a spontaneous sleepover there in which the tenant, had no words to say,

“Why can’t you try asking Jake hyung about her?” Riki suggested, making Sunoo raise an eyebrow.

“Why would Jake hyung know her?”

“I mean, he’s the president of the student aid, maybe he can help you find your mystery girl,” there’s a menacing smile on the taller man’s lips which made Sunoo punch his best friend’s shoulders lightly.

“Dumbass, he didn’t even help Jay hyung with his mystery girl, why would he even help me?” Sunoo rolls his eyes.

“He has a soft spot on you, you never know,” Jungwon interjected.

“Oh sure, because he can find a freshman who’s name starts with the letter N out of all the thousands of freshmen in Decelis.” Sunoo sarcastically replied.

“You’re so pessimistic about it,” Jungwon laughs. “We’re giving you a way to find her and you’re so against it.”

“Because it’s stupid, and who knows, maybe I’ll bump into her tomorrow,” Sunoo confidently said.

“I’ll add an additional 20,000 won if you bump into her tomorrow,” Riki stated.

“Deal,” Jungwon smiles.

“You guys stop betting on my love life will you?” Sunoo complained, but the two only laughed at their best friend as they walked on the empty streets. Filling the cold night with laughter and teasings.

Today’s weather was warm and sunny. Sunoo likes that kind of weather especially when it’s been cloudy and rainy for the past few days. The sun waved at him along with the white fluffy clouds against the bright blue sky. He didn’t mind the heat it emits, for him, it’s a good sign.

It was a good sign indeed. He got a perfect score in a quiz, his professor praised him for his reporting, and he had completed a loyalty card at the local coffee shop, which gave him free cookies along with his favorite drink. Yup. Today is a good day for Sunoo.

He had returned back inside the campus for his next class, munching on the chocolate chip cookie with the cup of iced coffee on his right hand, walking along the busy walkway along with the other students who, like him, are on their way towards their class.

Sunoo was walking on pilot when he miscalculated a step — bumping into a student who seemed to be in a hurry. Luckily, he was able to raise his arms, hence the drink only spilled a little on his hands.

“I’m sorry —” Sunoo wasn’t able to finish his words when he was surprised to see that it was you.

Like his day could get any luckier. He had finally found you! You’re here and you’re real. You’re wearing a white uniform that’s akin to a nurse’ uniform, confusing Sunoo because he knows that you’re just a freshman. Those uniforms are for medical school students — oh.

“I’m sorry, excuse me,” but the next thing you knew, Sunoo had grabbed you by your arms which startled you.

“You don’t remember me?” he asked, which made you stop to look at him.

He’s tall. Soft-looking yet masculine. He reminds you of a fox as his stare at you was too long that you became wary about it. The more you stare at him, the more you try to sink in where you know him.

But your stress-filled mind just could pinpoint where you saw him.

“Maybe this would help,” he said before you could even say a word. From his slack pocket, he grabs a handkerchief that has strawberry patterns. That’s when your eyes widen.

“That’s the handkerchief that I’m missing,” you said, grabbing it from his hand. As you open its fold, the embroidered “N” was there. “I forgot where I left it.”

“At The Rabbit Hole,” Sunoo answered. “I’m Sunoo, I was the waiter there.”

“Y/n,” you instinctively introduced. Trying to sink in where you saw him aside from The Rabbit Hole. “I’m sorry to ask, but why was I at The Rabbit Hole?”

“You asked for a bottle of soju and finished the whole bottle,” he explained, and that’s when it sinked into you.

You remember that night. You had a fight with your mother over the phone. It wasn’t about you, it’s about your sister which annoyed you. She’s trying to pass all her frustrations on you, who’s in the middle of a study at that time. Hence, why you decided to leave your apartment flat and get a drink — which was a huge mistake.

“I’m sorry, I probably made a mess there,” you laughed awkwardly.

“Not much, you sang your hearts out in the open mic and then dropped dead on the floor,” Sunoo explains and that made you groan in embarrassment.

“Please don’t remind me,” you said as you covered your face out of shame. “What else?”

“I have to bring you to my place because I don’t know where your home is, and you…kissed me,” Sunoo shyly said, and that made your eyes wide.

“I did what?” you asked, trying to make sure that your ears weren’t betraying you.

“You kissed me.” he stated like it was nothing — but to you, it’s embarrassing. You know how clingy you were whenever you’re drunk, but this one went too far — kissing a stranger? You wanted the ground to swallow you whole.

“But don’t worry, it was only a kiss. I made you sleep in my bed, I slept on the couch, and then you disappeared the next day.” he added immediately, and you don’t know if you should feel relieved hearing it.

You recalled that one. You remember waking up in an unfamiliar place, and your phone was blowing up. Your roommate’s looking for you and it’s as if she’s going to report you to the police as a missing person case if you haven’t called her back that time.

You were scared because you ended up in a stranger’s place. Although your clothes are still intact, your head and sides were aching that you whined in pain but still, you managed to sprint your way out of the place — not being able to notice Sunoo who’s passed-out on the couch.

“Yeah, sorry about that,” you apologized meekly, then you remembered one thing. The thing that caused this mess. “Oh right! The soju, I forgot! Oh my god — I’m banned from The Rabbit Hole am I?”

“Don’t worry about that, I’ve already paid for it,” Sunoo insisted. You don’t know what it means but you don’t want to be in debt to a stranger.

“No, I should pay you back, it’s embarrassing, plus you cleaned up my mess, I should at least pay you back,” you said, even grabbing your purse on your bag but Sunoo was quick to stop you.

“It’s fine, seriously.”

“I don’t want to be in debt please.”

Sunoo deeply exhales before giving you a sweet smile, “fine, you can pay me back.”

There’s a relief on your face when he says that. “Thank you! How much was the soju?”

“Let me take you out on a date,” Sunoo straightforwardly said.

You felt your world stop when you heard those words. Your heart skipped a beat, which it shouldn’t. But you couldn’t help but to feel your cheeks warm as Sunoo smiled at you genuinely.

“What do you mean?” you asked, almost stuttering.

“You can pay me back, by letting me take you out on a date.” Sunoo explained.

Oh. Your eyes widen. You never expect those words to come out from his mouth. He looks genuine, and the fact that he took care of you, didn’t take advantage of you, and even paid for the soju — he seems sweet yet, it’s that sickening type of sweetness that you wanted to avoid.

“You don’t even know me,” you pointed out.

“And I want to get to know you more,” Sunoo rebutted, even shrugging nonchalantly.

You stared at him for too long. Words stuck in your mouth as the taller man only stood there, waiting for your answer. You don’t know why but his words went straight to your heart that it started beating fast out of nervousness. No. You shouldn’t be feeling it again.

“Mama!” you were startled from where you were standing when you heard a familiar voice.

Sunoo watches as you turn to your left, and from afar, a kid probably about three years old is running towards her. Sunoo’s eyes widened because of how she’s the splitting image of you.

Oh. Sunoo thought. You’re a mother. It’s like a meteorite crashed right into him. His dream girl — is someone who’s probably in a happy relationship with someone. What he thought was going to be his luckiest day turned into bad luck in just a split second. He never had a chance in the first place.

Sunoo watches as you immediately run towards the toddler, and thankfully, you were able to catch her before she tripped on her toes. Kneeling to be the same height as her, as you looked at her worried.

“Nabi! Where’s Auntie Chaewon?” you asked, checking if there are any scratches on her arms and legs.

Nabi points in the direction where she came from, but there’s not a single Chaewon on sight. You had guessed that she had separated herself from your roommate. You sighed in relief, ever since Nabi had learned to run, she always sprint whenever she had the chance.

“Y/n,” that’s when it hit you that Sunoo was still there, and probably had witnessed the scene.

As you turned around to him, Sunoo’s eyes were still wide. That didn’t surprise you because Nabi and you look so much alike.

“Hello,” Sunoo greets, and Nabi, although not used to new people, waved at Sunoo. She seems starstrucked by the man’s visual.

“This is Nabi,” you introduced. “She’s my niece.”

Oh.

Oh. Sunoo felt relieved in his heart. The last thing that he wants to be is to be a homewrecker. He had to physically put his hand on his almost fainting heart due to shock.

“I see,” Sunoo nods, but there’s still a shock in his tone. “She calls you mama?”

“Long story,” you only said, and somehow in the back of your mind, you don’t know why you had to explain to Sunoo that she’s your niece. You could’ve used her as a cover to say no to him, but there’s a small guilt in your heart. You couldn’t bear to lie to Sunoo. You still owe him something after all.

“Listen Sunoo,” you started, standing up with Nabi on your arms. “I feel flattered, but I’m not looking for someone at the moment, if this is the intention of asking me out, I’m going to say no to you,” you explained.

“It’s okay,” Sunoo smiles, and you wonder how he can smile so brightly at you even after saying no to him. “It’s just a one date. Let me just take you out, if that’s okay with you.”

Just one date. One date and you can be off on your debt to him. That’s it. He assured you that that’s all he wants. There’s no harm with it right? It’s just one, platonic, date. It’s not like it’s going to lead somewhere.

“Fine,” so you agreed, and you can see the surprised look on Sunoo’s face.

“Wait, really? Are you sure?” he asks once again.

“It’s just one date, Sunoo,” you told him. “I don’t have any expectations on it.”

After all, it’s just a day with a stranger who happened to see you at your worst. It’s just you repaying for the kindness that he showed to you. That’s it. It’s not you letting a man enter your life, again.

“So, it's a date.”

“A platonic date,” you clarified to Chaewon. “I just want to pay off my debt to him, that’s why I agreed. You know me Chae, I don’t want to burden people.”

“He seems like a nice guy,” Chaewon commented, before tickling Nabi who’s sitting on her lap. “Is he? Is he a nice guy Nabi?”

The toddler only squealed in joy as Chaewon showered her with kisses, while you fixed your mascara in front of the vanity mirror. You can feel your heart beating fast, unfortunately, you’re nervous about this date.

It’s been two years since your last relationship. Said relationship was your final straw. A disastrous one year situationship that became a serious relationship — only for him to cheat on you during your relationship. From there, you didn’t look for another relationship anymore. Prioritizing raising Nabi and at the same time, well, survive medical school.

Unfortunate to you, love seems to be drawn to you. You had recalled a lot of rejections and failed attempts from guys asking for your social media accounts. You’re used to it, and clearly, you’ve grown to hate men, especially those who can’t take a fucking hint.

But you’ll let this one slide because you owe him one, and as much as you hate dates and meeting new people, you’d rather agree on the date than live with the memory that you had a chaotic, barely recalled night with him.

“You don’t even know him, Chae,” you answered back.

“I know him, stupid,” Chaewon replied, rolling her eyes. “He’s my junior, he works part-time at The Rabbit Hole, plus he’s a staff for Decelis Writer’s Guild. He’s a great guy I swear.”

“He’s younger than me,” you only replied.

“So? Maybe you’re meant for younger guys,” Chaewon teases.

“Whatever,” you said in defeat. After doing some last minute finishing touches, you looked at the mirror one last time before shifting your attention towards your roommate.

“I look okay, right?” a white summer blouse paired with straight denim pants and sneakers was your outfit. Nothing special or fancy — it’s like you’re just going out with a friend, and hopefully he can take that hint.

“Yup, pretty as always,” the girl gave you a thumbs up which Nabi followed with a smile. You only smiled before grabbing Nabi to give her a goodbye kiss. Telling her to behave well, which she only said yes with glee.

“Have fun with your date,” Chaewon waves goodbye, which you reciprocated before leaving the apartment.

You and Sunoo agreed to meet at the entrance of The Rabbit Hole, which seems to be the midpoint of each other’s apartment. Your eyes immediately catch Sunoo who’s wearing a casual outfit. A plain white shirt paired with black cotton jacket and denim pants. His hair falls messily, bangs almost reaching his eyes. It had struck you that Sunoo was this handsome, brain malfunctioning midway through your walk.

“Oh you’re here,” Sunoo smiles as soon as you’re near him, you only reciprocate it with a small smile before nodding, feeling the awkward tension between the two of you.

“Let’s go?” he gestured.

“You’re not going to bring me to The Rabbit Hole aren’t you?” you asked, almost teasing.

Sunoo only laughs, “of course not, I’d prepare something, come on.”

You two went to the nearest bus stop, hopping onto the third bus that passed by. The bus was a bit full, so Sunoo offered you the remaining empty seat while he stood in front of you.

The bus ride was quiet, your eyes darting on the streets, watching as the streets slowly became unfamiliar to you. Going farther from the vicinity of Decelis which is where you’re much familiar with.

“Come on,” Sunoo gestured as soon as the bus stopped at the sixth bus stop, and you only followed him.

“So where are you going to bring me?” you asked, eyes filled with curiosity as you eyed the area. The streets were busy and you noticed how there were also a lot of people walking alongside you two. The area was bustling with shops — jewelries, pharmacies, and groceries with unfamiliar signage.

“Have you had lunch yet?” he asked instead, his hands finding his way on your back, like he was guiding you towards the streets.

“No, not yet,” you shake your head.

“Great, we’re having a food trip!” Sunoo said excitedly. The two of you continued walking until you noticed a familiar church with red walls — realizing where you were.

“We’re in Chinatown, aren’t we?” you asked. You’ve heard of it, the huge area in your city that’s filled with Chinese street foods and restaurants. It’s been going viral on Tiktok which shouldn’t surprise you that Sunoo brought you there. No wonder there's a lot of people going in the same direction as yours.

“Come on!” Sunoo gestured, his hands finding its way to yours as the two of you found your way towards the crowd. His hold on you was tight, making sure that he won’t lose you in the crowd, and you don’t know why but the gesture had you blushing hard — like you two are in a k-drama scene.

Since there’s a lot of places and stalls that have gone viral, you and Sunoo ventured out for other hidden gems in the area. He seems to know the place too much since he’s turning left and right without batting an eye at the streets.

“Just because something went viral, doesn’t mean it’s good,” Sunoo explained before handing you a plate that contains steaming hot dumplings. “I’m not going to waste our date lining up for hours.”

You only laughed at his comment before taking a bite on the dumpling, burning your tongue on the process but you shrugged it off. It feels refreshing that you and Sunoo are in a small alleyway, outside a small eatery, eating their best sellers. In the midst of the noisy crowd outside, the two of you found some solemn silence.

“So why bring me here?” you asked.

“Because a way through a person’s heart is through their stomach or whatever that old saying goes,” Sunoo casually shrugs while taking another bite.

You don’t know why, but his comment made you laugh genuinely. “You should be cooking a meal for that person for it to happen.”

“I can only cook ramen, so I rather bring them on foodtrips.”

Your food crawl didn’t stop there. Turns out, Sunoo does know the place like the back of his hand. Scallion pancakes were his next target. Then after that, he bought fried siopaos and some egg tarts that weren’t sold in a famous bakery.

As the afternoon deepens, the two of you end up at a decades old Chinese eatery that has an al fresco area. It oversees the river nearby, which is the perfect spot to watch the sunset.

Finally settling down at your seats. It became a way for you and Sunoo to learn more about each other. True to Chaewon’s words, they do know each other when you brought up the fact that you had left Nabi under Chaewon’s care.

He was also surprised that you were actually a first year in medical school, not a freshman undergraduate.

“Does that change a bit?” you asked.

“No, I just thought, you do look older for a freshman, no offense,” Sunoo shared and you only laughed at his words instead of being offended.

“It’s the stress and wrinkles. Taking care of a baby and studying medicine isn’t for the weak,” you said as your eyes darted at the view by your side. Sunoo only follows you, silence hovering the two of you.

“About Nabi,” you opened up, glancing at Sunoo whose eyes you met. “She’s my older sister’s daughter. She left her under my care, while she went abroad to work and well…chase after the guy who knocked her out.”

You don’t know why those words came out of your mouth. It’s not a great impression to share your back story during a first date. And in the back of your mind, you’ve been reminding yourself a million times that this is just a one time thing, and is also, should be considered as something platonic.

But your mouth just couldn’t help to blurt out some words. To remove the tension, especially when you know that Sunoo’s probably curious about your situation.

“I’m sorry, but why you?” he asked with a soft tone, careful to not offend you. “What about your parents?”

You only bitterly smiled at the thought. “My parents have been divorced ever since I was twelve, my dad’s living with his new family, while my mom lives alone,” then you let out a deep sigh. “Mom had disowned her. While we never had any contact with our dad anymore. My sister — she was supposed to be the one studying medicine, not me, but because she got pregnant, she dropped out of school so she could sustain Nabi’s needs.”

What’s one way to ruin one’s date? Probably drop the most insane lore about you. It’s a great way for your date to be turned off and you somehow hoped that Sunoo might be turned off by you. You know guys, they don’t like it when you’re committed to other things aside from them.

“Mom doesn’t want to see Nabi, so I have to take care of her. I know that it’s shitty that suddenly I have to take care of my niece, but I’m not alone in this one, I have my roommate Chaewon, and most of the time, our landlady, Auntie Joohyun helps us.” you added.

“It must’ve been hard,” Sunoo briefly comments.

“It is,” you didn’t try to sugarcoat it, smiling bitterly at the thought. “I love Nabi, she’s the sweetest angel ever but, she also gave me a reason to not have kids in the future. I just don’t think I’m fit for that, even with relationships.”

You noticed the sudden shift in Sunoo’s expression. “You had relationships before?”

“Yeah, always a failure,” you laughed it off. “I just can’t hold a relationship, so for me, maybe I’m not suited for it.”

“Maybe you are, you just haven’t found the right one,” he pointed out, and it didn’t surprise you that he said those words. Having to hear it once, you know what guys meant by that — that they’re the right one for you.

Of course, you’re not going to fall for the second time around.

“You guys always say that,” you said with a bitter tone. “You go chase after the girl, get the girl, and when you realise that the girl is not worth the chase, you leave them or maybe cheat them in the process.”

“You seem to have a rebut on everything.” the younger male laughs.

“That’s how I see it,” you argued, tone becoming more sarcastic than ever. “Flowers, gestures, dates? The same cliches, guys are all the same, I’m convinced.”

Sunoo didn’t say a word. He only stared at you, hearing your perception about love, it makes him wonder if he has a chance from you. His feelings were disheartening at the thought, but at the same time, he couldn’t blame you when you shared your upbringing.

Love has been a mess for you ever since you were a kid. It didn’t add the fact that you had failed relationships while taking care of a baby that wasn’t really yours. He couldn’t blame you if that’s how he felt.

But somehow, Sunoo is very determined, to make you feel like you can still believe in love.

Luckily, the awkward tension didn’t last a minute when the waiter arrived with your order. Placing the plates in front of you, which made both of you fall into relief.

“Should we eat now?” Sunoo asked.

“Of course.” you only said, smiling.

The sun had set by the time you and Sunoo left the restaurant. Walking towards a different route from where you two entered, the two of you stumbled upon a nearby community park where a small flea market was being held.

The two of you went there quietly. You’ve always loved small trinkets and stickers that’s why the flea market immediately caught your attention. They were selling a lot of variations from pre-loved clothes up to bracelets. You tried to look for something that will fit the money you brought.

“Here,” you turned around to see Sunoo holding a small plastic bag.

“What is that?” you asked, confused.

“Crochet keychains, I thought you might like it, I also bought one for Nabi and Chaewon-noona,” he said.

“Oh,” you softly said. “Thank you Sunoo.”

As you look at the insides, it contains three characters, miffy, totoro, and cinnamoroll. It was a random variation but you know that Nabi will appreciate the totoro one. So you only smiled at the thought.

“Let’s look for more down there, I saw a jewelry booth, and I was interested in buying new earrings,” Sunoo suggested.

You were about to answer him when a loud ringtone startled the two of you. Grabbing your phone, you noticed that it was Chaewon who’s calling — immediately, your heart fell on the floor.

“Hey? Is there something wrong?” you asked immediately.

“I’m really sorry for interrupting but Nabi’s having a fever right now,” Chaewon said and it made your eyes wide.

“What!? But she was fine when I left,” you exclaimed.

“I know! I left her to wash the dishes and when I returned she’s crying and sweating, and she’s looking for you, I don’t know what happened!”

“Calm down, give her some meds and —”

“I think we ran out of it, I tried looking at your medicine box or any at our kitchen pantry, but there’s none,” Chaewon explained.

“Okay, fuck — I’m going home now, I just need to pass by the pharmacy to buy her medicine.” you only groaned.

“I’ve placed the cold towel on her forehead, be careful on your way home.”

The call ended and that made you glance at Sunoo who has a worried expression written on his face.

“I’m sorry, but I need to go home now, Nabi’s sick and I —”

“It’s okay, and I’m sorry because I’ve overheard your conversation. Should we go to the pharmacy first? I know there’s one nearby, and we can just book a ride home from there,” Sunoo suggested.

Desperate measures, you could only nod at his suggestion. His hands make their way to your shoulders as he guides you out of the flea market, exiting the park and returning to the streets once again.

As you bought the medicines at the pharmacy, Sunoo was waiting for the car to arrive. Humming lightly as his eyes wandered on his phone, backreading the conversations he had missed from his friends’ group chat. They know that he’s on a date at the moment.

Sun, Won, & Ki

Sunoo: we’re on our way home rn, Nabi’s sick

7:23 pm

Jungwon: Who's Nabi again?

7:24 pm

Riki: damn, that sucks

7:24 pm

Riki: Nabi is y/n’s kid, this is what you get for not backreading our gc.

7:25 pm

Jungwon: How can I fucking backread when you send your tiktok fyp here instead of sending it on our tiktok gc you bitch

7:26 pm

Riki: skill issue

7:26 pm

Jungwon: okay wtf??? She has a kid??? Sunoo you’re a milf hunter

7:27 pm

Sunoo: dumbass, she’s only her niece

7:28 pm

Jungwon: close enough

7:28 pm

Sunoo: car’s here, I’ll tell you the details tomorrow, ig.

7:28 pm

Riki: take care, use condoms

7:29 pm

Sunoo only rolled his eyes at the last message. The car had parked in front of them and just in time, you just finished buying everything you needed.

Sunoo didn’t say a word to you, he opened the car’s door and you only went inside without asking. Sunoo sat beside you and during the whole ride, the two of you were quiet.

“You okay?” Sunoo asked in the middle of the ride.

You only nod, but there’s a deep exhale leaving your mouth as you glanced at him with a sorry expression. “I’m sorry for the sudden interruption.”

“Hey it’s okay, Nabi comes first, don’t worry,” Sunoo insisted and it only breaks your heart more. Feeling guilty that the date ended immediately.

“Listen Sunoo,” you started, lips forming in a thin line. “You’re nice, and young, and handsome — I’m pretty sure you can find a girlfriend with your personality.”

You saw how Sunoo’s forehead creased. “What do you mean?”

“Not just me,” you heaved out a sigh. You convinced yourself that whatever this is was platonic, but of course, that wasn’t probably the case on Sunoo. “Look, I enjoyed the date seriously, I never felt relaxed for the past years, but I don’t think I have time to be in a committed relationship.”

“And I’m okay to wait,” Sunoo immediately replied, surprising you with his words.

“No, don’t wait for me,” you interjected. “Sunoo, I don’t to burden myself on prioritizing a relationship as well, especially on younger guys —”

“Okay, now what does it have to do with our age gap? We’re only two years apart,” Sunoo justified, sounding more offended than ever.

“Because I know young guys! They still want to be taken care of,” you argued back, and it seems like Sunoo didn’t take your words seriously when he let out a boisterous laughter.

“Y/n,” he faces you, expression becoming serious. “I’m still a man, do you want me to prove it to you? In another way? Hmm?”

A faint blush flushed on your cheeks. And the next thing you did was smacked Sunoo out of annoyance who only laughed at your action.

“I’m telling you Sunoo, you’re not getting anything from me,” you repeated.

“And I’m not asking immediately for your answer,” Sunoo shrugs, leaning against the car seat. “We just met, we still don’t know each other deeply. Love takes time. My friend, Jay hyung had a crush on a girl and it took him like, I don’t know, two years to date her.”

At the mention of the word “love” you couldn’t help but to feel a faint skip in your heart. You fell into a deep utter silence. Not this again. You’ve thought. Not anymore. You’ve closed the chapters of your life when it comes to relationships. You’re not going to fall for the same shit all over again.

“You can wait two years for me?” you asked with a mocking tone.

“Even longer,” he challenged.

And that made you grin. “You’re lovestruck,”

“Babe,” he smiled. “You have no fucking idea.”

You should’ve been flustered by his words. But instead, you gave him a bitter smile.

“And you have no fucking idea about me,” you replied. “You’ll just be disappointed by me.”

“What’s disappointing about you?”

“Everything,” you only said. “I’ve told you my story, I stopped believing in love Sunoo, you’ll never find it from me.”

“I still believe,” he started. “That somewhere there, you’re still yearning for it. You’re just afraid.”

You weren’t able to rebut his words. You know that that’s not the case. Why yearn for something that has hurt you too many times? You wanted to ask him that, but his lovestruck stare had your mind blanking. Sunoo smiles at you genuinely. The space between the two of you was never crossed — like he’s telling you that he’s fine that you’re within his reach, only if you allow him.

“And I’m not forcing you to open up to me, but I’ll be here for you, however you need me, a friend, more than that, a companion, I just want to let you know that I’ll be here.” Sunoo assured you, and it gave you relief. He gave you his words. He can be anything you want, other than what he wants.

He’s okay with it, and you know it sucks to keep him around if you couldn’t reciprocate his feelings for you, but you still had that urge and need to have someone in your life aside from Chaewon and Nabi.

“Thank you Sunoo.” you only said, and with that, he only reciprocated you with a soft smile.

The moment the car stopped in front of your apartment building, the two of you went out of the car. With Sunoo standing outside, it only made sense that he’s waiting for you to say something.

So you turned around and gave him a small smile. “Thank you Sunoo, I enjoyed today and I’m really sorry if we went home all of the sudden.”

“It’s no worries,” he assured. “Let’s just hope that Nabi’s fever isn’t that high.”

You only nod, before heaving out a sigh. “I’ll make it up to you, don’t worry.”

“What? It’s okay, you don’t owe me anything —”

“I insist,” you told him, and it had you wondering why you would say that. Today was supposed to be a one time thing. You’re debt-free even though Sunoo paid for all the expenses today. Somehow, in the back of your mind, you just had that feeling to do it.

“If it’s about the soju, it’s okay, you don’t need to, and don’t feel guilty about my feelings about you,” Sunoo explained, smile never wavering. “Okay? I’m not accepting any rebuts from you, I’ll be going now. Goodnight y/n!”

Before you could say another word, Sunoo had run away from your vicinity, but it wasn’t a block away when he turned around and waved at you for a second.

A small smile on your lips formed, making you scoff in disbelief and yet, you only wave back at the male before entering the apartment building.

Weeks passed and you slowly let Sunoo enter your life without you knowing.

You said you two were just friends. Chaewon says otherwise. Friends don’t wait for each other’s class to be done to hangout. Friends don’t do some late night calls while studying. She even snickers whenever Sunoo drops by to bring you iced coffee from The Rabbit Hole before his shift. “Friends don’t do that,” she said one time and you only rolled your eyes.

“If I bought you iced coffee, would you give meaning to it?” you asked.

“No! Of course not,” your roommate immediately replied.

“Exactly! Sunoo can give me iced coffee as a friend, there’s nothing wrong with it,” you justified before turning your attention towards your studies. Nabi’s quietly watching Bluey on your phone, enough to keep her distracted throughout the night. Chaewon only shrugged before going back to her room.

But you couldn’t put your mind on your studies when the tall drink stood in front of you. Chaewon’s words linger in your mind, and bothered you that your roommate had placed that idea in your mind.

This is nothing. This is just something that’s platonic. I don’t need him in my life — maybe I do, but platonically. I don’t care if he has feelings for me. I am not burdened to reciprocate his feelings for me —

Another sigh escapes your lips as you push your mind to focus on the pile of books in front of you. You have a very important quiz tomorrow, and you’re not going to let a man distract you from your studies.

Not anymore. You’re done with them. You’re done with having a relationship. There are no more redemptions for them, and that’s final —

The doorbell rang and it made you turn your head quickly. Nabi stood up from her place before you could’ve moved. You watched as her tiny arms reached the handle, swinging it open to reveal your landlady.

“Hi baby,” the old maid who’s beauty never fades greets Nabi with a smile before glancing at you.

“Delivery,” she said with a teasing smile, raising the plastic bag that she was carrying, noticing the familiar logo of a coffee shop.

“I didn’t order anything,” you said, playing dumb because you know damn well who it was from.

“You’re just making a fool of yourself sweetie,” Joohyun walks inside the apartment before placing down the plastic bag beside the iced coffee, both logos mocking you like you’re an idiot. “He said he baked it himself, and wanted you to try some — gave me one too, lovely kid.”

“You’re slowly having a soft spot on him,” you remarked and she merely shrugged.

“He has a brighter aura than Euijoo,” she pointed out, and hearing his name gave you nothing but shivers.

“You still can’t trust men,” you jokingly replied. “I’d rather be like you, single, beautiful, and own a large apartment building while taking care of three cats.”

“Don’t romanticize my life,” Joohyun laughs but in a split second, a bitter smile forms on her lips. “It gets lonely sometimes too.”

You didn’t say another word. The older woman only gave you a soft brush on your hair before she glanced at the dining table. “Seems like you’re pulling an all-nighter again, I guess the treats will come in handy. Goodnight, and make sure to put Nabi to sleep now, it’s getting late now.”

“Of course, goodnight auntie,” you replied.

Joohyun hugs Nabi goodnight before she exits the apartment. After that moment, you opened the plastic and noticed that the box contained six pieces of cookies. Different flavors, and nothing follows. No sweet notes, no message from Sunoo. Nothing at all. Just a mere delivery, just like what Joohyun said.

“Cookies!” Nabi jumps, probably smelling the warm toast of sugar and butter. “Mama, can I have some?”

“Tomorrow okay? No sugars for tonight, it’s time for you to sleep okay?” you told her, and thankfully, she didn’t complain about it. Nabi only nods as her eyes still focus on the box.

“I want that,” she pointed to the brown one, probably a brownie flavored one, which only made you smile at her.

“Of course sweetie, we’ll save it for tomorrow okay? You can eat it after breakfast.” you stood up from your seat and carried her towards your room. “We should get you to sleep, it’s getting late now.”

“I want my totoro!” she demanded and you only laughed. Reminding you the totoro keychain Sunoo gifted to her. Although it was just the size of hands, she clung to it like a teddy bear during her sleep.

You place her down on your bed, and watch as she handles things on her own. Grabbing the keychain on the side table and plopping down on the pillow, while you grabbed the soft folded blanket to cover her up.

“Should we turn off the lights?” you asked, and she shakes her head before letting out a small yawn. Her energy finally wears down.

You only laughed at her gestures. “Alright, sleep well my baby.”

“Goodnight mama,” she whispered, and it stopped you for a moment. Hearing that word come out of her mouth reminded you of the bitter reality you’re in.

“Goodnight Nabi,” you kissed her forehead before you left her alone inside your room.

Returning to the dining table, you glanced at the box of cookies once again.

Joohyun said that Sunoo baked it himself. Although he never told you that he can bake, you only stared at it for a good minute before picking the chocolate chip one. It still felt warm on your hand before you took a small bite on it.

Not too sweet. Just like the way you like it. It tasted like comfort and support, a warm that could ease you up at the most crucial times.

It was just what you needed right now.

You never wanted to attend medical school in the first place.

You never planned to become a doctor someday. Sure you do want to help people in the healthcare system, but that was in the form of a nurse. You wanted to become a nurse. Being a doctor is just too heavy for you.

The problem started during your sophomore year. An accident that led to a choice. Your older sister got pregnant by her boyfriend of five years. She kept it because according to her, it was created out of their love.

You didn’t question her choice. She looks so happy that she’s going to have a baby, and you don’t want to give her the reality check — that she’s just a college girl who’s going to give up everything to build a family, like the two of you didn’t witness your family fall apart at a young age.

Then it happened in a snap. Suddenly, her boyfriend left her and went to another country. Your ever hopeful and optimistic sister was determined to chase after him despite the numerous attempts to hold her down to stay in the country and take care of her baby.

It didn’t help either that she dropped out of medical school, and had a huge fight with your mother who disowned her immediately. Pride got in the way for them to fix their relationship. Your sister was determined to prove your mother wrong while your mother treated you as the only daughter she had. Suddenly, your mother poured her dream on you, forcing you to continue to study medicine after your undergraduate.

Which puts you in your situation right now.

“I want to play! Play!” the loud shriek ringed on your ears as Nabi grabbed a fistful of your hair to pull you. You tried to hush her, even attempting to pull away from her touch but she’s too strong for your tired and weary self.

“We’ll play tomorrow okay? I just need to do something,” and said something was an important exam that holds 35% of your grades in a major subject, but of course, a toddler wouldn’t understand that concept. She only knows how to play and throw tantrums.

Nabi was both a blessing and a curse for you. You took care of her ever since she was brought to this world. When your sister left her when she was barely eight months old, that’s when the crucial reality slapped you in the face.

The word “tried” never suited your situation. You didn’t try to balance everything — you crawled everything during that time. You found yourself filling the role of Nabi’s mother even though she was only your niece, and at the same time, you didn’t want Nabi to be a hindrance to your studies; you didn’t sign up to take care of a baby that wasn’t yours in the first place.

Situations like this remind you of the hateful feeling of not wanting to have a child in the future. You knew that there were times that you loathed not only Nabi, but also your sister and your parents, for putting you in this situation. It was a domino effect of having a broken, unloving family wherein you’re on the receiving end.

You feel so helpless. Despite some few hands to help you, you know that the responsibilities still fall under you because she’s still your blood afterall.

Nabi was still crying her heart out and you’re on the edge of screaming your frustrations away.

But you grabbed your phone and went through your contacts, clicking his number in hopes that he can save you in your situation right now.

“Hey, y/n, what is it?”

“Hey, sorry for the sudden call,” you said with a soft tone, as if Nabi wasn’t screaming directly at your other ear.

“Is Nabi okay?” Sunoo asked with a concerned tone.

“She’s okay it’s just — I just need someone to look after her. Chaewon’s not here and I don’t want to wake Auntie Joohyun at this hour, and I have a really important exam tomorrow, and I can’t concentrate with Nabi being antsy and hyper the whole day —”

“It’s okay, I can take care of her,” Sunoo offered without missing a beat. “Just go, pull an all-nighter, Nabi’s safe with me don’t worry, I have a friend who has an older sister, I can ask help from them.”

And as much as you’re grateful that Sunoo was there to help you, you still couldn’t help but to hate yourself for passing the burden on someone else. “I’m really sorry —”

“Don’t say sorry y/n, I’m here for you, remember?”

You only smile quietly before nodding.

“I’ll be there in a few minutes, just wait for me, okay?”

“Okay,” you only whispered as the call ended before you shifted your attention to Nabi.

“Nabi stop crying now,” you hushed, shaking her in your arms as her cries slowly became quieter, her energy must’ve been slowly draining out.

“Uncle Sunoo will pick you up, you’re going to stay over to his place, now can you behave for him?” you asked, and it seems like Sunoo’s the only thing that can solve her tantrums.

“Uncle Sunoo!” Nabi shouted in glee like she wasn’t being an earful to you earlier.

You only gave her a soft smile. “Yup, he’s going to play with you okay? You want that right?”

“You’re coming mama?” she asked, and you shake your head as an answer before putting her down. Kneeling to be the same height as her.

“Listen Nabi, I’m going to do something very very important, okay? That’s why I won’t be able to join you. We’ll play another time but for now, Uncle Sunoo will look after you okay? Is that okay with you?”

“Are you going to the hospital again?” she asked, almost stumbling to say the word “hospital.”

“Yup, I need to save lives, like a superhero, you know that one Nabi right? You want me to become a superhero?” you asked, and you can see how fascinated Nabi was. She eagerly nods which eases you.

You’ve lost count of the times you gave Nabi white lies. But some things are better unexplained especially when you know she’s not capable of understanding everything yet.

You changed her in her sleeping clothes before grabbing a small bag for her other essentials. Putting her in a jacket, the doorbell of your flat rang, and you’re thankful that you just made it on time.

“Uncle Sunoo!” Nabi shouted the moment you opened the door. Sunoo greets you with a smile before gesturing to Nabi for a hug.

“Thank you Sunoo,” you only said, “and I’m sorry for disturbing you.”

“It’s fine, I told you,” he assured. “Here, have some sugar to make your brain work.”

“I feel like you’re not getting your pay in The Rabbit Hole from the many times you brought me their food.” you jokingly said as you received the plastic bag.

“We’re allowed to have a piece of pastry and drinks during our shift so don’t worry about my pay,” Sunoo explained. “We should get going now, good luck on your exam.”

“Thanks Sunoo,” you smiled before glancing at your niece. “Behave well okay? See you tomorrow baby.”

“Goodluck mama!” she encouraged. Her arms are resting on Sunoo’s shoulders who waved at you before you closed the door.

As you turned around, you were greeted with nothing but silence — far from the chaos that you had earlier. And partly, you’re grateful for Sunoo for giving you peace.

With Nabi in his arms, Sunoo hums his way toward the opposite direction of his dorm. He crosses a few roads before turning right towards a familiar place. Knocking on the door and waiting a few minutes for someone to open it for him.

“So let me get this straight,” Jungwon said, forehead already creasing at the sight of his best friend at the door steps of his house.

“You agreed to babysit a three year old just because she needs to cram her studies?” Jungwon groans, fingertips massaging both temples as Sunoo could only smile.

“Is your sister there?” Sunoo asked instead.

“She’s not here, she’s at Karina-noona’s house.” Jungwon explained, crossing his arms. “Do you really think noona can help us? Nope, she can’t.”

“That’s a bummer, but at least we have the house all by ourselves,” Sunoo didn’t even bother asking permission, he went straight inside and sat comfortably on the couch, hushing Nabi who seems to be trying to adjust to her new environment. She was clutching at Sunoo’s shirt tightly as her stare at Jungwon became longer, intimidated by the blonde man who at the same time, is intimidated by the toddler.

“I need to call back-up,” Jungwon said in defeat, grabbing his phone and pressing a familiar number, making Sunoo laugh.

“You’re acting like we can’t babysit a kid, it’s just for one night.” Sunoo pointed out.

“I don’t trust ourselves, especially on that…thing.” Jungwon commented before shifting his attention to the caller on the phone.

Sunoo gasped dramatically, “you didn’t just call Nabi a thing, she can hear and understand you, you know!”

“Whatever, I’m getting my readings from upstairs, I guess we’ll have to sleep down here — don’t you have classes tomorrow?” his best friend answered as soon as the call ended.

“It starts at one, so I got the whole morning by myself.”

“Okay, fuck you and your non-exhausting schedule,” the latter complained.

“Don’t curse, Nabi can hear you!” Sunoo nagged but Jungwon only flipped him off before going upstairs to his room to grab his readings.

Surprisingly, for the next few minutes, the living room was filled with nothing but silence.

Perhaps Nabi’s energy had died down, or maybe, she’s just shy around Jungwon who she met for the first time tonight. The male thinks that it was because of his strangely blonde hair, but he didn’t mind it since the kid was quiet, flipping through the storybooks you had lent to Sunoo.

Not long after, the doorbell of the entrance rang. Jungwon stands up and opens it, letting the visitor who walks in confidently.

“Yo,” Riki greeted as soon as he entered the living room, eyeing Nabi. “That's the baby?”

“He’s your back-up?” Sunoo raises an eyebrow at Jungwon who only gives him a teasing smile.

“Dude, I took care of my younger sister, don’t underestimate me,” Riki said, kneeling in front of Nabi who darted her attention immediately on him. Riki smiles, waving at Nabi who, unexpectedly, cried loudly.

It startled everyone. Riki takes a step back while Sunoo jumps out from the couch to hush the toddler.

“She doesn’t like you,” Jungwon laughs at the scene.

“She’s just surprised because you’re a giant,” Sunoo laughs, carrying Nabi as he hushes her softly.

Riki, feeling offended more than ever, just sat beside Jungwon. “Yeah whatever, I even brought chocolates!”

“You can’t give her chocolates, it’s late! She’ll be hyper and her sleeping schedule will be messed-up,” Jungwon explained.

“Damn, are you sure you really needed my help?” Riki raises an eyebrow, while he glances at Sunoo who’s carrying Nabi with ease. The toddler had eased up and is now resting her head on Sunoo’s shoulder.

“You look like you’re ready to be her dad,” the taller guy grins.

“Don’t be stupid,” Sunoo replied.

“No wait,” Jungwon halted, eyeing his best friend for a minute. “No way, I can see it.”

“You guys should stop it. She’s her niece, not her daughter.”

“Okay but if she was her daughter, are you ready to step up?”

Sunoo didn’t answer. He turns around and continues swaying Nabi who seems to have relaxed on his shoulders. Thankfully, she had been weary since it was past her bed time now.

“Oh my god, you’re thinking about it huh?” Sunoo’s thoughts were shaken by Jungwon’s voice.

“No I’m not,” Sunoo immediately replied. “I just —”

“Just what Sunoo.”

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

Riki and Jungwon didn’t pry furthermore. They decided to just focus on helping Sunoo look after Nabi.

Nabi seemed to like that she had friends to play with. Playing tea parties with the three of them who’s holding back their laughs — seeing each other holding tiny plastic tea cups as the toddler acts like a princess while they play along.

Eventually, after a short play of tag with Riki carrying Nabi on his shoulders as they ran around the huge house with Jungwon and Sunoo as the it, Nabi managed to fall asleep on the makeshift bed they made on the mattress, hugging the Miffy plush owned by Jungwon’s older sister. The three of them decided to drink cold cans of beer to celebrate the successful babysitting.

“Do you want to talk about it now?” Jungwon opened up.

“About what?” Sunoo innocently asked.

“You’re okay with this?” Jungwon asked in a concerned tone. “This?” He then gestures at the whole mess.

“As long as I’m with y/n, I don’t mind,” Sunoo softly said, smiling at the thought of you.

“That’s sweet,” Riki genuinely commented. “But don’t revolve your world too much on her, she looks like the type that doesn’t settle down.”

“Yeah, you mentioned to us that she doesn’t believe in the idea of relationships and marriage and such,” Jungwon observes. “You two are complete opposites.”

“That’s for a long term plan,” Sunoo takes a short sip from his can. “I don’t want to pressure her either, I’m fine with waiting. Dad courted mom for like two years before they became a couple.”

“That’s old school romance,” Riki pointed out. “We’re in the present world dude, it’s either you’re in a situationship with her, or be pushed into a friendzone or get ghosted, pick a choice.”

“He’s somewhere in between situationship and friendzone.” Jungwon observes.

“I’m not going to label myself with that,” Sunoo explains. “I’m courting her, end of story.”

“Does she even know that?” Jungwon asked once again.

The two of them watched as Sunoo took a sip on his beer instead. Both Jungwon and Riki know that silence for Sunoo means he doesn’t know either. Which means his status with you is at dead end.

“I don’t get it,” Jungwon said with a confused tone. “Why go through all the measures if you’re unsure.”

“I’m not unsure, I just think…it’ll take me longer than what you guys expect,” the raven-haired mumbled. “Love does not come quickly guys, remember that.”

“Yeah we know that but it’s painfully obvious that there’s no love to be seen from her,” Riki justified. “We just don’t want you to end up being used by her.”

“It’s not like I’m doing everything for her, I just babysat Nabi for tonight, just trust me guys on this one,” Sunoo assured.

Jungwon only heaved out a sigh. He smiled bitterly as he raised the can of beer. “Whatever, to Sunoo’s love life, hopefully this is not a failed one.”

The two only laughed at his words, before following his gesture. The can bumped onto each other as they finished the whole can of beer before deciding to get a good night's sleep shortly.

The Rabbit Hole wasn’t full today.

There were a few patrons. The usual people who would go to the place to have some light drinks or eat late dinner. Some students passed by to get some takeout coffees and pastries, while you stood outside fidgeting your fingers and thinking if this is a good idea.

It’s been a few days since Sunoo babysat Nabi and you haven’t repaired him yet. You offered him another date but he turned you down again.

“I’m not doing this in hopes to receive a favor from you, I’m doing it simply because I want to,” that was his answer and you’re much bothered by it. You’re the type of person who doesn’t want to burden others, that’s why you’re insistent to return the favor.

Hence, why you’re in front of The Rabbit Hole. You opened the door, and the familiar bell rang. The first thing you did was to look for an empty table. A table that doesn’t catch much attention. Your eyes darted at the cornerside near the bar counter when Sunoo noticed you.

“What are you doing?” You turned around to him, and there, you only smiled.

“Is that how you talk to your customers?” you teased, and Sunoo scoffed in disbelief.

“No, just surprise.” he shrugs.

“What time are you going to finish? Let’s eat here, my treat,” you offered.

“If this is about Nabi then —”

“No, I just want to talk to you,” you casually replied.

You noticed the way Sunoo’s expression shifted. Something inside his eyes was filled with excitement. He slowly nods before he tells you to take a seat, and he’ll clock out in about thirty minutes.

So you waited for him. You sat there at the table while he skillfully did his work. Taking and bringing orders. Making drinks by the counter beside the tall worker who he seems to be close with. Time passed by quickly when Sunoo walked to your table without his apron on.

“What do you want — wait, have you tried eating here? Our cook’s a great chef actually!” Sunoo brightly spoke, and you only handed him the menu.

“I’m in the mood for a cocktail actually,” you said.

“You swore that you’re not going to pass out drunk again?” Sunoo asked and you merely laughed.

“At least I know you’ll be there to look after me,” you softly said and Sunoo’s expression faltered.

“Just this once,” he stated, and it only made you smile.

Sunoo stands up from his seat, going straight to the bar counter where the taller part-timer talked him out of it. You noticed the way the bartender laughed at Sunoo who seems to be teased by him.

When Sunoo returns, he places down two colorful cocktails. Both placed in a two tall glass with sides of sliced orange.

“Orange flower, it’s our bestseller,” Sunoo introduces. “The gin’s not that strong, and you won’t taste the alcohol at all. Riki’s great at mixing cocktails.”

You only quipped a smile before grabbing the glass, raising it as you looked at Sunoo. “Cheers?”

“Cheers.”

You should’ve stopped at the second drink.

Because right now, you’re slowly drowning in the alcohol. You thought that it was nothing, because it tasted sweet — it was like drinking juice.

But the time you’ve taken a sip on your fourth drink, you’ve realized that the alcohol had a punch into your system. Now, your head’s spinning and everything’s too funny for you. On the other side of the table, sat Sunoo, his drink left untouched as he watches you rest your head on the table.

It’s just the two of you left there. There’s a few minutes left before The Rabbit Hole closes and in your mind, it feels like deja vu.

“Sometimes, I wish Nabi didn't exist,” you confessed through your muffled voice. Feeling the urge to let out some frustrations.

“Why do you think of that?” he asked, and for a minute, he was only welcomed with silence.

“Because…” you trailed off for a second, before raising your head towards Sunoo, smiling at him as a giggle escapes your lips. “She’s the catalyst, why my life’s a shit.”

“I think you should blame your sister, not the kid,” Sunoo pointed out.

“No, she’s part of it,” you justified. “She — do you know how much my sister loves her? Even when she was just a tiny little bean inside her, my sister — she couldn’t wait for her to come out, and she and her asshole of a boyfriend will be a big happy family and —” tears started to stream. The small hiccups escaping from your lips as you tried to bite in from the tears to continuously fall.

“I can’t — I hate them,” you don’t know who you were talking about but the seething anger just keeps on continuing to grow. It’s overflowing inside you that you know that there’s nothing left to you but anger — that’s why you just can’t think that you can give someone an ounce of love.

“Hey, it’s okay, just let it all out,” Sunoo assured. His hands find their way to pull you towards his touch. Softly caressing your shoulder as he hushes you softly.

“My sister should be fucking lucky, because I was still being nice. If I wasn’t, I would’ve placed Nabi in an orphanage the moment she left,” you explained. “But I didn’t, and I took care of her, but I didn’t want this. I didn’t want to become a mother at a young age — and then here comes my mom.”

Feeling your throat getting dry, you grab the tall glass of cocktail and take a huge sip on it. “I don’t want to study medicine anymore. I wanted to become a nurse! I should be studying for my nursing license, not medicine. But my mom wasn’t satisfied with it — and because her other daughter was a failure, I was plan b. I know she only wants me to study medicine so that she could brag about it to her friends. Fucking bullshit.”

“Tell me Sunoo, what did I do to deserve this? Was I a bad person from my past life?” you cried.

“It’s not you, it’s your family,” Sunoo softly answered. Facing you as he wipes your tears gently. “You’re not a bad person y/n, in fact, you’re strong and kind. Because despite everything, you never gave up. You still find a way to keep on living.”

You couldn’t help but burst out further when you feel Sunoo softly swaying you — his hands gentle to its touch as you melt into his warmth. God. Sunoo feels so warm and he’s everything that you’ve been longing for. So patient and kind. Never complaining and always there by your side no matter how hard you put him only within your reach — but never giving him a space in your life.

You couldn’t help but to break out from his touch. Facing him with your red, glassy eyes. Lips still trembling as Sunoo only stared at you fondly. Assuring you that everything’s alright as he holds your hands tightly.

Your instinct moved, you leaned closer to him — only for him to avoid it. Shame came crashing into you as you looked at him with utter shock.

“Don’t,” Sunoo whispered to you. “You’re drunk.”

Quietly you look at him. Appalled and shocked with his words.

“We kissed back then when I was drunk,” you brought up.

“Seems like it’s a habit of yours, to kiss someone when you’re drunk,” Sunoo clarified, his smile becoming bitter. “And you only kissed me, I didn’t kiss you back. I pushed you away y/n.”

“I didn’t know.” it was the only thing you said, hoping that it can ease the hurt you just gave him.

“Of course you don’t, you’re too drunk to remember.”

Another moment of silence stood between the two of you. You felt his hands retrieving back from yours and in that moment, you knew your action was wrong.

“Kiss me when you mean it, not when you feel alone and in need of someone.” he stated and those words hit you like a bucket of cold water.

You watched as he stood up from his seat, before glancing at you. “It’s getting late now, I should walk you home.”

You didn’t say a word. You only followed him as the two of you left The Rabbit Hole. The walk back to your place was quiet yet tense. You tried your best to try to make up some words but — your mind is just too blurry due to the alcohol.

“I’m sorry for tonight.” you immediately said the moment you two reached your place.

Sunoo stared at you for a good minute before plastering a smile, and you’ve known Sunoo for too long to know that his smile was fake. “It’s nothing.”

“I shouldn't have done that,” you looked at him. “Leading you into something.”

Sunoo only nods, “take some rest for tonight. Goodnight y/n.”

And for the first time, Sunoo didn’t assure you. No “it’s okay” or “it’s fine, love takes time.” from him. You watched as he walked away from your sight. The faint beat in your heart became more rapid as Sunoo didn’t turn around to wave back at you. Slowly, you watched him disappear right in front of your eyes.

You hate how Sunoo has a huge effect on you.

It bothered you how much a week of silence from him would bother you so much. You should be happy, because he has given up on you. He’s not bothering you anymore and it just saved you from hurting yourself furthermore. You almost forgot your promise to yourself that you’re not going to love again.

But at the same time, you didn’t like it. You didn’t like how he suddenly became cold to you because of the incident.

“Kiss me when you mean it, not when you feel alone and in need of someone.” His words keep on repeating inside your mind, completely distracting you from your class and you hated him for that.

It bothered you because he’s right. You did it because you wanted to be seen — hoping that he’ll fulfill it, but it was painfully obvious that he knows what’s real or not and he’s not one who’ll fall for it.

He’s not going to take advantage of you just because you’re under the influence. Sunoo wanted everything to be real and genuine, and he’s somewhere out there probably waiting for you to realize that that’s what he wants — and it’s funny because you did realise why he didn’t bother you for a week. He gave you space to think about the two of you, and unfortunately, it’s working and it’s taking a toll on you.

Your last class has ended. You grabbed your things and left the classroom, opening your phone while you walk on auto-pilot, hoping that miraculously, you received a message from Sunoo.

But you only had one message, and it’s from Joohyun who gave you a photo of Nabi eating snacks, giving you a short feeling of happiness in the midst of your thoughts. You closed your phone and decided that waiting can be too long for you — you need to go to Sunoo yourself.

But it seems like fate is making its way to cross your paths because your eyes immediately caught Sunoo who’s walking a few meters away from you. He’s in his department uniform, wearing earphones as he’s going towards one of Decelis’ gates.

Your steps became faster, hoping you’d catch him. Feet in a hurry, almost squeezing through the crowd until you had him within your vicinity, your voice screaming his name, making him stop to turn around. His eyes went wide to see you walking towards him.

“Hey,” you greeted as soon as you reached him, catching your breath while he stood there.

“Hi, is there anything you need?” he asked, tone filled with surprise and confusion.

“Are you busy?”

“No, not at the moment, why?”

Perfect. “Come on.”

Sunoo only stared at you for a good second before he spoke, “where?”

“Just trust me.”

He stood there for a minute, eyeing on you and wondering what you were planning to do.

“Come on, just trust me,” you insisted, tone hinting a bit of desperation that Sunoo finds surprising in you.

It made Sunoo give in and he eventually followed you.

As you two exited Decelis, the sky was dark, and gray clouds started to swarm the place. It’s slowly becoming chilly as you two made your way towards the bus stop, sitting there for twenty minutes before the bus that you were waiting for arrived.

Sunoo quietly followed you, not even bothering asking you where the two of you are going. The two of you sat there in silence, heart racing and mind questioning about your relationship.

Sunoo didn’t expect your final destination. The two of you ended up at the beach. The nearest one which is an hour away from the city. It wasn’t crowded even though there’s a lot of restaurants and hotels nearby. The weather wasn’t suitable either. The wind’s howling and the waves are roaring. Any minute now, it’s going to rain.

But it gave you solace. The harsh weather and the loud waves gave you nothing but peace. The ocean has always been your safe place. It’s where you can swim your thoughts away and just drown yourself in the deep blue water. You always think that you were a marine animal from your past life because of how much you were drawn to the waters.

If you had the chance, you would’ve dived into the roaring waves, but the beach wasn’t recommended to be swam though, that’s why the two of you only stood there, watching the waves crash down. It was huge, almost hovering over the two of you. Both barefoot as the seawater tickled both of your feet.

“This is nice,” you hummed, breaking the silence that’s been creeping for the last few hours.

“It’ll be nicer if it’s sunny, or it wasn’t night, and the waves aren’t huge,” Sunoo muttered, eyes never leaving the view. “And we can see crystal clear water instead of a deep void.”

“I like this view more,” you explained. “It’s calming for me, comforting wherein even the most beautiful thing can still be a natural disaster.”

Sunoo didn’t say a word, he only looked at you. “You okay?”

“Of course,” you only spoke, smiling like there’s no tension brewing between the two of you. “Why? Is it weird to be poetic sometimes? I always wanted to be a writer, if I had the privilege, I would’ve chosen that path.

“You didn’t fight for it?” Sunoo questioned.

“I’m scared too. What future lies to me if I keep on writing poems? It was just a mere hobby for me, I still wanted to become someone who helps other people — I just didn’t want it to go to this extent,” you explained.

“I hope you never lose the spark to it.” Sunoo stated, and that made you bitterly smile.

“I hope so.”

Silence. Deep silence was the only thing engulfed between the two of you.

“Sunoo,” you called out, in which Sunoo only responded with a hum.

“Tell me, what did you even like about me?” you asked. It was that one question that wanted to ask him but never crossed your mind.

“Would it be cliche if I say that I like everything about you?” he answered without any hesitation.

“That sounds unfair,” you argued. “Are you always this vague?”

“You really want clear answers?” Sunoo challenged, and you only did nothing but to face him.

“I like your chaos,” Sunoo answered. “The first time we met, it was weirdly chaotic but good, and I don’t know why but I just know my heart skipped a beat when we interacted.”

Quietly, you listened to his explanation. You can see the lovestruck expression on his face. “It’s like cupid had struck me that night, I just felt it in my heart that I should pursue after you, and I’m really sorry, but I was persistent about you.”

“I hate you,” you blurted out, completely catching Sunoo off-guard. “I hate you because you’re making me break my vow to never trust men again. I hated relationships, Sunoo. I didn't ever want to enter relationships then came you.”

“You were persistent in courting me, and at the same time, it didn’t feel too overwhelming. You were there for me if I needed you, never offering anything nor dropping false promises. Just there silently, waiting for me to let you in my life.”

“You don’t know, how much I am holding back just to prove to you that I’m serious, I don’t want to scare you off y/n, I wanted to make sure that you truly trust me first before I can show you how far my love for you can go.” Sunoo replied with a serious tone. He looks at you like he’s yearning for you — the usual lovestruck gaze he always had whenever he’s with you.

“Then don’t hold back,” you stated.

Sunoo felt his breath halting. Sounds of waves crashing ringed beneath his ears as he only stared at you, surprised by your words.

“I trust you,” you said with a smile. “So damn much, and I’m really, really grateful that you’re by my side. So don’t hold back on me Sunoo, because with you, I feel safe to love someone again.”

Sunoo meekly smiles. His hands find their way to yours, clutching it tightly as his thumb caresses your knuckles. “Then I’m glad that you felt safe around you.”

And then came your words, “Can I kiss you?”

Sunoo only blinked. Surprised by your words. “Like you mean it?”

“I wouldn’t ask if it doesn't mean anything.”

A hitch of breath escaped from Sunoo as you leaned on him slowly, but surely, making him close his eyes as he felt your soft lips landing on his.

Sunoo pressed closer, wanting to feel your lips against his. Slowly, his hand finds its way towards your face, thumb caressing your cheeks as he deepens the kiss.

Everything felt right. Just the right amount of assurance that both of you yearn for. It was soft yet firm. Sunoo’s hands remain on your face as he breaks away from the kiss. Bright eyes yearning for yours, making you locked into his.

“I want you Sunoo,” you confessed the moment you caught your breath.

“Woah — are you sure?”

“You want this too, right?” you asked him back.

“Of course, but I don’t want to force you.”

“I’m sure, so sure about you and everything about this,” you muttered.

“Okay,” Sunoo breathes, hands almost shaky as he cups your face tighter. “Let’s go back to my place.”

The two of you returned to the bus stop, hands intertwined with each other, the small smile on both lips never left even after you two boarded the bus. The whole ride was filled with nothing but silence — but it was a good silence. Your head rested on Sunoo’s shoulder as you fiddled with his fingers. Comforting and assuring, your heart is bursting any minute and it's the anticipation of what’s about to happen next.

The walk towards his place was even more breath-holding. As the door swung open and lights flickered, you were welcomed by the small flat. Quiet and humble, smelling faintly like vanilla and apples, you took small steps while Sunoo closed the door behind, his heart filled with nervousness as he looked at you.

But you gave him a smile, and that assured Sunoo. Slowly, he approaches you until both of you are just a few inches away from each other.

“Do you trust me?” he asked.

“With all my heart,” you confessed, and that was the only thing he needed to hear.

Gently, Sunoo cups your cheeks, eyes finding yours and as soon as you lock into his deep brown eyes, Sunoo leans closer to you and kisses your lips once again. You could only close your eyes as you moved your lips, responding to his earnest touches while your hands had put a hold on his arms.

The two of you stood there, lips never leaving each other before Sunoo took the courage to move you and trapped you against the couch, your back hit the couch with a soft thud before you felt him hovered over you.

Your lips found each other once again, but this time it’s much needier and greedy. Hot and too risky as your hands found its way through Sunoo’s hair, brushing against his nape while both his hands were in beside your head, steadying himself while he eagerly savoured your lips.

The place was getting hotter and you felt yourself getting impatient. Wanting to have him more than anything, you boldly took the step to move your hips upwards to meet his hips — completely catching him off-guard that he broke the kiss.

“You’re impatient,” he teases.

“You’re too slow,” you replied to him, and he only hummed.

“Just taking my time,” Sunoo smirks. “But if you’re being needy, I’m not going to let you whine more about it.”

Before you could say anything else, Sunoo removes himself from you and carries you all of the sudden. You let out a startled yep as you hold on his shoulder. The male easily brought you to his bedroom where he gently placed you down in his bed and hovered towards you again.

“You want it?” he asked, tilting his head sidewards with an amusing smile on his lips.

“Yes,” you boldly replied, hands finding their way to his uniform, slowly you reached onto the buttons and began unbuttoning it. “Get with it now.”

“You can’t order me around,” he only smiled, before taking off his uniform and stripping off from his white undershirt.

“I’m older than you.”

“Nice try babe,” he smiled. “But who’s on top of you right now?”

It took you those words to flip the switch. Sunoo felt his back landing on the soft mattress while you straddled on top of him. But there’s no surprise in his expression — only amusement, and it annoys you that he’s taunting you.

“Get with it now,” Sunoo mocks sarcastically, and a scoff was the only thing you could do, before you felt Sunoo grabbing your face. Crashing his lips against yours in a more aggressive manner.

You hold onto his shoulders as your heated makeout session only made the temperature higher. Both battling for dominance, lips biting each other with teeth clashing hard enough to draw blood from the latter. Sunoo grabs your cheeks firmly as he targets your jawline next, making you fall into his touch.

“What’s the difference between putting me down? You’ll still end up submitting yourself,” Sunoo whispered to you, voice husky and daring as his lips drew trails on your neck, making you softly whimper. As the moment became more hot, you unconsciously undressed yourself in front of him. Leaving your upper body bare as the kiss never stopped.

“You’d still look cute underneath me,” he said in between each kiss. “But you look hotter on top of me.” his hands find their way through your waist, and slowly, his hips move to meet yours. Grinding teasingly against your cunt. The dent on his pants had made it obvious that he was hard, and it had you salivating. You met his movements, more deliberate and faster than his. It made you pathetically needy, but you’re too deep to not care about it.

“I want it,” you whispered to Sunoo.

“You sure?” he asked in the sweetest yet teasing tone.

“Please Sunoo, stop teasing me!” you cried and Sunoo only cooed at your words.

“Then show me how much you fucking want it,” he said sharply as he lets go of your face.

You pushed yourself back, kneeling in front of him with your face just a few inches near his crotch. Sunoo pushes himself back, relaxing against the headboard of his bed as he watches you with sharp eyes as you palm the straining bulge on his pants, leaving him breathless.

You unzipped his pants and tugged it down along with his boxers, his hard cock springing upwards hitting his stomach.

“Fuck,” you cursed. Fingers wrapping around his length, feeling it twitch against your cold hands as you glance at Sunoo who’s watching every move you make.

You gathered a few strings of your drool, letting it drip against the tip of his cock. Hands rounding around the end, hearing Sunoo hiss as his body tensed up against your touch.

Slowly, you began stroking his length at a normal pace, feeling its every inch before you started giving the tip some small kitten kisses. Tongue swirling around as his pre-cum started to bud out of the tip.

“Fuck —” Sunoo curses as your tongue directly entered his slit. His hold on the bedsheet tightens as your strokes become faster and sloppier.

“You look pretty fucked-up,” you smiled as you decided to swallow his cock onto your mouth, hearing Sunoo let out a breathy moan as you sucked him hard — cheeks hollowed and lips messed with drool. Your head continued to bobbed in and out while your hands stroke the few inches your mouth couldn’t reach.

Your tongue expertly licks its underside as you look at Sunoo who’s in daze. Eyes closed and eyebrows furrowed, holding himself back to grab your head and push it further to swallow him full.

“I’m gonna — fuck,” another moan escapes his lips as you removed your mouth with a loud pop. You started to stroke his cock faster than before, feeling it twitch along with Sunoo’s legs almost shaking — you know, that he’s near.

“Give it to me baby,” you smiled as your hands kept on squeezing his tip at every stroke you made, face a few inches in front of it as you glanced at him. “Want you to cum in front of me.”

Sunoo lets out a loud cry as he cums uncontrollably. His seeds shooting out of his length, spilling everywhere — mostly in your face, but you didn’t care about it. You only closed your eyes as you felt his hot cum splattered on your face, your tongue licking the salty taste as your hands finally let go of his softened dick.

“What the fuck,” it was the only thing Sunoo could say as his high came down. Seeing you sitting in front of him, face stained and glistening with his cum. He lets out a scoff in disbelief as you locked your eyes on him while you licked the remaining cum off from your hands.

“Come here,” Sunoo orders. “Ride my face.”

“What?” you stopped.

“You’re a mess, I want you also to mess my face,” Sunoo encouraged, his hands making their way towards the hem of your skirt.

“I never tried it before,” you told him.

“Just trust me, choke me, I don’t care, ride my face baby.”

You stumble your way out of Sunoo’s lap, almost falling from the floor if it wasn’t for his arms around your waist. You tugged your skirt down along with your panties. Revealing your already wet cunt which only had Sunoo thirsty that he didn’t even wait for your next move. His strong arms pulled you upwards until your pussy was just an inch away from his face.

“Don’t be shy baby, sit on it,” he encouraged, and you only moved to hover it — startling you when Sunoo pulled you downwards enough for your pussy to land perfectly on his lips.

A moan escapes on your lips when Sunoo licks your open cunt in a swift manner. Tongue expertly brushing against your entrance and towards your clit. Your hand finds its way to hold on the headboard while you rest half of your weight on Sunoo’s face. His arms gripping your thighs for support while he devoured your pussy like a madman.

“Fuck — grind on it baby, don’t be scared to suffocate me,” Sunoo ordered as he continued eating you out. His hold became firm as a whimper started to leave your lips.

Slowly, you moved your hips, just enough to meet his tongue. Steady and relaxed, as your clit bumped on his nose every movement you make.

“That’s it, good girl, grind on it,” Sunoo stated as he continued lapping your pussy nonstop. This time harsher and more eager his head moving to meet your pussy, making your body slowly becoming sensitive than ever.

“Oh my —” a broken cry leaves your lips when Sunoo slaps your ass cheek, encouraging you to move faster than before. You can feel your breath becoming uneven, like you’re holding back something aside from your breath.

You couldn’t help but to feel your body slowly becoming sensitive as you continued to grind against Sunoo’s face who didn’t stop latching on your pussy. He becomes more rough, fingers pressing on your thighs, making you whine loudly.

“I’m gonna — Sunoo — fuck!” You stumble out of your words, feeling the heat pooling inside your body as the feeling became more intense, too much for but you were chasing after a feeling that you can feel Sunoo’s head moving alongside your hips — which led you to your orgasm.

A curse escapes your lips as Sunoo continues his movement despite you having cum already. You wanted to get out of his face but his grip was too strong like he wanted to drink every juice your pussy had released.

“Fuck — stop please,” you begged and with a final lick, Sunoo stopped. Hands grabbing your waist and pulling you down to straddle on his lap. You looked at his face fucked up with your cum and juice — just like you with his.

It was nasty to look at him, but you couldn’t help but to lick the slick on his face before pulling him on a kiss. Both tasting each other’s remnants as the kiss became torturously aggressive. Biting and licking every slick on the skin, as the moans and groans filled the room.

It didn’t hit you that you had switched positions, not until you felt your back hitting against the mattress. You watch as Sunoo reaches over the first drawer of his table, pulling out a condom packet which suddenly halted into you.

“We can stop if you don’t want it,” Sunoo snaps you out of your thoughts, making you realise that your expression was readable.

“No, it’s okay, I’m good —” your breath hitches. “I’m just nervous.”

“Would it ease you if you’re on top of me instead?” he suggested and you only shake your head.

“I’m good with this, don’t worry,” you assured.

Sunoo didn’t push further. He only tore the packet open and sheathed the rubber inside his leaking cock, red and hard before he hovered you once again.

He spreads your legs wider for him to have enough access. Hands softly massaging your inner thigh before he glances at you for a signal.

“Actually, can we try something?” you asked, and it confused Sunoo for a second, but he only nodded.

You crawled out of the bed along with him. With him behind you, you bended on the edge of the bed, face and stomach flat against the mattress, while your ass is at full display in front of him along with your leaking pussy.

“Go, fuck me hard Sunoo, I want that,” you ordered.

And all you got was a deep chuckle before you felt the tip of his cock poking on your entrance. Sliding up and down like he was teasing you.

“And here I thought, I should be careful with you,” Sunoo cooed, finger feathering your bare spine, sending shivers to you. His movement halted and all you can feel is your heart beating.

In one huge thrust, you felt yourself getting impaled by Sunoo’s cock, making you cry from the sudden penetration. Breath stopping as you suddenly feel yourself full.

“Crying now suddenly? I thought you want me to fuck you hard?” he taunted as he pulled his cock out, leaving his tip inside you before slamming it once again — the tip stabbing your cervix sharply.

“Fuck look at this babe,” he hissed as he pulls his cock in and out, slowly thrusting your insides as he watch his cock disappear inside your pussy, coating his wrapped cock with your slick mixed with blood which ignited something in Sunoo.

“You’re bleeding, you know that?” he whispered to you, making him look at you, shocked. The sly smirk on his face was evident that he liked the idea. “That's because you're so tight — fuck, like I devirginized you all again.”

The thought only had your pussy tighting as Sunoo continued pounding inside you. More precise and sharp, sliding inside your warm walls with ease before he grabs you by your waist and lifts you upwards that your feet are hanging midair.

He stops his movement for a second before he thrusted you around his cock like you’re his own fleshlight, making you feel more of his cock inside you. Every thrust left you choking as it stabs your cervix nonstop.

“Sunoo —” you weren’t able to say another word when he’s almost holding your weight. Your upper body almost leaves the edge of the bed if it wasn’t for your hands gripping tightly on the bedsheet.

“You want it hard right? Want to use you like my own fuckdoll? Take it, you get what you deserve,” he sharply said as he continued pounding you around him. His groans are loud and bold, making you more embarrassed as your pussy clamps around his cock. It felt too good being used by Sunoo, your head is spinning and going crazy at the thought.

It didn’t take long for you to feel your orgasm coming once again. A whine escapes your lips as you hold onto the sheet tightly. Your mind started to become hazy, too deep into Sunoo’s actions.

“I want —” tears swell on your eyes as Sunoo thrusted you sharply. “C-cum…please.”

“Oh my, doll want to cum?” he said in a sickening sweet tone, and it only made you feel more eager for your release. Head nodding feverishly before Sunoo pulls out of your pussy, making you cry.

“Please —” you weren’t able to finish your words when Sunoo flipped you, your back landing on the mattress while Sunoo hovered over you. Your legs dangle against the edge as Sunoo grabs both your legs to spread it further, almost putting you into splits, displaying to him your glistening pussy.

“Wanna see you come undone in front of me,” Sunoo smiled, before he pushed himself once again, making you moan as he began thrusting inside you in the same manner.

“Look at you doll, all fucked out for me? Look at your tears and cum-stained face, you still ended up wanting me right?” and then he laughs. Kim Sunoo devilishly laughed as he expertly rubbed his thumb on your clit, making you cry due to the overwhelming feeling. He was drawing 8s as his free hand grabs your face, fingers buried on your cheeks making him face you.

“Look at me,” he ordered, and the coiling feeling was near, almost knocking you out of your breath while tears continued to fall from your eyes.

“Cum for me baby,” that’s all it takes for you to reach your orgasm. Tears fell from your eyes as your eyes rolled until it turned white in front of Sunoo. He fucked you out of your orgasm until he feels himself coming too.

With a few extra sharp thrusts that made your leg twitch every stab, Sunoo pulled out and released himself inside the condom. Breathe unsteady and legs almost falling out that he could only hold onto the mattress for support.

While you were coming down from your high, you felt Sunoo put your legs back together before lifting it up towards the bed. His soft hands brushing your messy hair before planting a kiss on your lips, which you only hummed as a response.

“Are you okay? Does it hurt anywhere?” he asked, and you only shook your head as answer.

“I feel sticky,” you managed to slip out some words, and that only took for Sunoo to grab you and carry you bridal style.

“What —”

“Cleaning you up,” Sunoo shared as he exited the bedroom, heading towards the bathroom.

He places you down in the shower — jolting you with the sudden warm water.

“Don’t worry, let’s just clean up okay? Soothe your body too, I think I went too much,” he assured, and softly, you smiled.

“It was nice Sunoo,” you told him. “I enjoyed every bit of it.”

“That’s good to hear,” he said, before pulling you to a loving kiss once again.

The bath was filled with small teasings and soft kisses. It ran for almost an hour until the water had become too cold that you two decided to dry off.

After changing the sheets and drying each other’s hair. The two of you slumped on his bed, with you wearing nothing but his boxer and pullover. Sunoo had pulled you against him which you only complied, resting on his chest while his right arm is wrapped on your shoulders. Humming lightly as the post sex euphoria had sunk in into the two of you.

“Thank you Sunoo,” it was the only thing you could say, heart overwhelmed yet full.

“Thank you too,” he replied, his hands drifting upwards to pat your head before stealing a kiss on top of it. “Goodnight y/n.”

“Goodnight Sunoo.”

Sunoo isn’t the type to rush. He’s been the most patient, everyone who knows Sunoo knows that. But his current situation right now isn’t making him patient at all.

Waking up to an empty space next to him isn’t what he expected the next day. After all the feelings poured out last night. After you told him what you really felt about him, Sunoo thought you had reciprocated it, but instead — you vanished without any traces.

It didn’t help that you’re not responding to every message he sends you. His calls ended up unattended like you’re somewhere there’s no signal, making him nervous.

Sunoo needed answers. He’s not convinced that you left all of the sudden. That’s why he ended up at the doorsteps of your apartment floor. He rings the doorbell thrice, standing there for a few minutes before the door opens.

“Oh my god,” it wasn’t you who answered the door.

“Chaewon noona,” Sunoo spoke. “Is y/n there?”

There’s a surprised look on Chaewon’s face. Slowly, her lips fell into a thin line. “She didn’t tell you either?”

Sunoo only shakes his head, heart beating fast at the thought that something bad happened to you.

“Y/n left.” Chaewon announced.

It took Sunoo a minute to process everything. Eyes widening at the news, “what do you mean left?”

Chaewon leans on the doorframe, a worried expression written on her face. “She left, she packed her bags and just…left.”

“What about Nabi?” Sunoo couldn’t help but to ask.

“She left her…” Chaewon started, immediately noticing the shift in Sunoo's expression. “I know it’s shitty, and listen, as much as I love y/n, Nabi is not my responsibility. Currently, she’s being taken care of by Auntie Joohyun. If you want to visit her, just go to the only door on the first floor.”

“She left Nabi?” Sunoo asked, shocked.

“I can’t blame her too, Nabi’s not even her child,” the older female lets out a sigh. “She’s been taking care of Nabi ever since the baby was born. I don’t blame her if she has given up, y/n has been through a lot.”

“Do you know where she is?” Sunoo asked, hoping that Chaewon knows.

But Chaewon shakes her head, “I wasn’t able to catch her, but she does this frequently that I’m used to it. I know, it’s kinda weird that she did it in the middle of the school year, but you never know that you’re at your lowest until it hits you.”

Sunoo knows that. He had heard all of your problems and resentment, but the fact that it wasn’t enough for you to fully trust him and be the person you’d run to. It broke him. He could’ve been there for you more than you needed.

“Look, I know it’s hard to process everything but that’s just how y/n been,” Chaewon assures, smiling to comfort her junior. “She’s the type to run away from her problems, give it a week or two, and she’ll come back with an explanation, just hear her out okay? Don’t make her feel guilty that she ghosted you all of the sudden.”

“Okay,” it was the only thing Sunoo could say, feeling defeated to learn that he’s at a dead end. “Thank you noona.”

“Don’t fret! This happened a lot of the time, so I’m used to it,” Chaewon shared.

“Does she always do this? Running away and leaving Nabi?” Sunoo asked, itched with the thought that you just left all of the sudden.

“She usually brings Nabi with her, but this one’s different…and I don’t know why either.” Then, she eyed Sunoo. “You didn’t do anything stupid didn’t you?”

Sunoo heaves out a sigh. “We had sex last night — but, she initiated, she told me that she trusts me and she was glad that I was there for her. I didn’t rush her or anything, so why did she leave?”

“You didn’t rush her, but maybe she rushed herself,” Chaewon explained, crossing her arms. “It’s been two years since her last relationship, it was her final straw when it comes to love. Do you know how many guys she rejected in that span of two years? Sunoo, you were lucky that she let you enter her life.”

Sunoo didn’t answer Chaewon, the older female noticed how much it bothered the younger male. Chaewon softly pats Sunoo’s shoulder before she smiles at him. “You seem to be a romantic yourself, can you wait for her Sunoo?”

“Of course, no matter how long it takes.” Sunoo immediately answered and Chaewon was assured — you finally found the right guy.

“It’s just a week or two Sunoo, don’t stress it out.” Chaewon assured.

But a week or two turned into months.

It’s been three months ever since you disappeared. No traces, no message or calls. You deleted every social media account that you have, and even your phone number cannot be reached.

Sunoo was worried sick. Nabi has been looking for you. There’s not a day where Sunoo visits the baby who seems to be adjusted at the old maid’s flat. Auntie Joohyun seems to find joy in taking care of the baby.

Of course, Joohyun still thinks that it was irresponsible of you to leave the baby, but at the same time, who could blame a young adult who suddenly was given a huge responsibility that wasn’t hers in the first place for running away?

“I miss my mama,” Nabi pouted, eyeing Sunoo who brushes her hair quietly. “Will mama return?”

“I don’t know, baby. You know where she is right? She’s on ugh…medical mission,” Sunoo said, a bitter smile escaping on his lips. “You know that your mama’s going to be a doctor right? She’s saving lives, she’s going to…heal people?”

“Like a superhero?” Nabi asked, and Sunoo only smiled.

“Yeah, like a superhero! She always tells you that, right?” Sunoo assured.

“But…but mama told me, she’s going to save people, and she’s going to be there for me,” Nabi stated, and that thought only made Sunoo scratch his nape.

“I don’t know either,” the male said in defeat. “Let’s just wait for your mama okay?”

Nabi only nods. Fortunately, she shifted her focus on watching Bluey on Joohyun’s iPad. Sunoo couldn’t help but to think about you, wondering where you are right now or whether you’re missing Nabi or not.

“It’s getting harder to lie to a kid huh?” Joohyun asked, the lady smiled as she placed a slice of red velvet cake on the table before sitting on the empty chair next to Sunoo. She quietly watched as the younger male gave Nabi a small piece of cake.

“Y/n has always been a troubled teenager,” Joohyun shared, making Sunoo glance at him. “She’s the type to keep everything to herself, even to her roommate, she rarely opens up, she runs away from her problem and then returns like nothing happened. We’re used to it. You should too.”

“But Chaewon said it usually happened in a week or two.”

“I don’t know,” Joohyun shrugs. “All I know is that she had let a man in her life again, and maybe she got scared.”

“Is it my fault?”

“No, it’s not your fault, she’s just scared.” Joohyun smiled comfortably. “Rushed feelings, a man who’s younger than you, and has helped you through all your struggles. You’re probably the first guy that saw through her and not in a shallow way — a rare kind of guy, and so rare that she’s scared that you aren’t actually, and will be just like the other guys she dated before.”

“There’s nothing special about me,” Sunoo explained, forehead creasing. “I like her, I courted her. My friends told me I’m old-fashioned, but love pursues right?”

“Of course kiddo,” the old maid only smiled at your words. “And that’s what scared her probably, how will she be so sure of you?”

Sunoo became quiet. Soon, Nabi let out a yawn as she rested her head on Sunoo’s shoulder, like she was preparing to sleep. The male didn’t even flinch, his hands finding its way to gently leave short pats on the toddler’s back. Hushing her to sleep.

“You seem to really love y/n, and I can see that you have nothing but pure intentions to her,” Joohyun observed, before she gestured to Sunoo to give her the toddler. “But beneath your heart, you still deserve to feel hurt because of her sudden disappearance.”

Somehow, Sunoo could only do nothing but nod at her words. Assured that he still has the right to feel angry at you.

“Are you sure you’re fine with taking care of Nabi?” Sunoo asked all of a sudden as he made his way out of the apartment flat.

“Of course, it keeps me entertained,” she laughs. “I’m not going to let you take care of her, you still need to prioritize your studies, kid. Don’t worry about me, I’m just an old maid who owns an apartment building, I have the time in this world.”

“That sounds nice,” Sunoo complimented.

“And so do you,” Joohyun throws back. “You’re young and beautiful, you have a lot of time in this world. If she’s not for you, there will be one someday.”

Sunoo only smiled at the woman’s advice. Deep inside, his heart is still yearning for you. He still hopes that you’ll return. Sunoo doesn’t care if it’ll take him another month or even if a year, as long as you return — he’ll be just happy to see you alive and safe.

“Four months,” Riki mumbled mindlessly as he cleaned the bar counter. His eyes wandered at the door of the place, like he’s the one who’s waiting for someone. “Do you think she’ll return?”

“I highly doubt,” Jungwon mumbled, eyes focused on his phone.

“What about Nabi?” Riki asked, shifting his head towards Sunoo who’s busy placing the chairs on top of the table. “She’s going to leave her niece? That’s kinda fucked up.”

“Dude, if I was raising a child that wasn’t mine in the first place, plus studying a program that I also didn’t want in the first place, I would run away too,” Jungwon answered instead. “I get her, the world is too harsh, you only have yourself to be honest.”

“You seem to be talking about something else,” Riki teases while his friend only rolled his eyes before scoffing.

The Rabbit Hole’s at its closing time. Jeonghan already went upstairs, leaving everything to Riki and Sunoo who was accompanied by Jungwon. Today’s shift was alright, leaving Sunoo and Riki with less exhaustion and worry. The semester’s about to end in a week, and somehow, they’re just relieved that their stress will be less now that they have more free time.

“Anyways, any plans for the holidays?” Riki asked.

“I’m going home next week,” Sunoo announced. “My brother’s picking me up.”

“Just the usual, my parents aren’t going home this year, so it’s going to be me and noona this holiday,” Jungwon said so casually like he’s used to it. “You can have dinner at our place. I know you hated celebrating holidays alone.”

“Thanks for the offer, I’ll think about it,” his friend only smiled, before folding the damp towel and placing it on the kitchen sink.

“I’m done here,” Sunoo stated, hands patting dry on his apron. “You’re done there Riki?”

“Yeah, all good.”

They started removing their aprons. Hanging it at the clothing rack near the kitchen’s door, before they grabbed their bags and exited the kitchen — just in time when the door of the coffee shop swung open. The doorbell rings like it’s a small notice.

“Sorry, we’re closed —” Sunoo wasn’t able to finish his sentence when he noticed who was standing in front of the door.

It’s you. You’re standing in front of the entrance, wearing the same letterman jacket but instead, a summer dress was underneath. Your cheeks became fuller than the last time he saw you, and you were practically glowing. Sunoo was only left frozen from where he was standing. He couldn’t believe that it’s you.

“You’re here,” Sunoo said, eyes wide as he stood in front of you.

“Hi Sunoo,” you only smiled, so casual and light, like you didn’t ghost him for four months. “Can we talk?”

Talk. Of course you two can. It’s been a while. You still look the same. But it’s you. You’re in front of him, alive and safe — and that assured Sunoo.

“I’ll give you half an hour,” Sunoo only said, his words almost stumbling out of his lips. “I’m also in a hurry.”

“Of course,” you bitterly said, knowing that this sudden talk wasn’t a pleasant surprise for him.

His friends decided to just leave the closing on him. Going home first, while you and Sunoo decided to sit at the nearest table — the one by the window, which was the one you sat on that night. It feels surreal as you sit in silence, while Sunoo only stares at you.

“How have you been Sunoo?” you took all the courage to ask him that question. So it shouldn’t surprise you that Sunoo looked so offended by your question.

“Do you really want me to answer that?” Sunoo asked in a serious tone. “You left y/n, all of the sudden. No explanations or anything. Chaewon noona told me that it’s just a week or two but it went months, where were you?”

“Somewhere where I can be myself,” you only said, smiling. “I don’t know, for the past few months all I did was take a swim on the beach, write poems, and bake a few sweets — I’ve never been so free Sunoo. I’ve never been this happy in my entire life. It was just me, alone at the beach. No school, no responsibilities. It was everything that I’ve yearned for.”

“You seem to be enjoying your life, so why did you even return?” Sunoo bitterly asked.

You became quiet for a moment. A pang of guilt growing in your heart. “Because I owe you an explanation.”

“It took you four months to show up,” he argued back. “I would’ve understood if you said it earlier, I would’ve given you space, but you disappeared without any trace — after what we did. Do you know how it drove me crazy? There’s not a day where I think of you, and wondering about your whereabouts. I was worried sick of you.”

“You didn’t need to.” you quickly replied.

“How could I not? You said that night that you trusted me, that you’re grateful to have me by your side. You gave me some assurance y/n, then you fucking ghosted me? If you don’t feel the same way then you don't need to lie to me about what you feel,” Sunoo sharply said. His voice is still filled with resentment and anger, and this is the first time you ever saw him this angry — and it hurts you to know that you’re the reason behind it.

“No, I didn’t lie Sunoo, I swear, I truly care for you and everything,” you heaved out a sigh. “I’m just scared of my feelings, I am falling for you deeply — I’m just scared that you’ll leave me eventually, after you get tired of me.”

“When are you going to open your heart y/n? Do you think I went against all odds just to get tired of you?” Sunoo objected.

“Because why me?”

“Because you’re you!”

For a minute, you were quiet. Before a bitter smile formed on your lips. “Do you really love me because of me, or because of the idea of me?”

Then, Sunoo lets out a scoff. “Is that how low you think of me? Or yourself? Have you ever thought that you’re still worth loving?”

“What idea of you? You think that in my mind you’re some dream girl of mine that’s worth saving and helping? y/n, yes I fell for you the first time we met, but I fell for you deeper the more I got to know you.” he added, and your eyes only went wide at his words. Despite your disappearance, his love never wavered. His words were still genuine and true — and that hit you with reality. That there’s still someone who will still wait for you no matter what.

“I didn’t court you just because you were my dream girl. I enjoyed your company, and I was okay with what we had but you — you gave me assurance and a signal to cross the line. If you’re too scared, you should’ve pushed me away instead of leading me onto something.” he added, and you hated how it’s the truth.

Your heart was beating rapidly. You could only stare at Sunoo’s whose expression never faltered. It wasn’t cold nor mad anymore. He looks disappointed at you and it hurts you even more.

“If you had said everything that you need, you can go now, I don’t want to take your time anymore —”

“The morning after, my sister called,” you started, breathing deeply as you looked at Sunoo. “She found her ex-boyfriend, and he’s with someone new. It left her devastated, she was crying for almost an hour. She was crying because of a guy, and it triggered me, I remembered my mom crying because my dad left, I remember crying because my exes left me —”

The air in your lungs knocked out. Your eyes turned glassy as you harshly bit your lips. “I don’t want to cry again Sunoo. I don’t want to be left again.”

“So you left first?”

“I was scared that you’ll leave me, I thought you’ll be just like the other guys I’ve dated before,” you explained.

“But you were persistent from them Sunoo, and I’m sorry it took me a while to realise that you were different from them, you never forced yourself nor love bombed me,” you gave him a small smile. “You showed me what love feels like — but it scared me because I don’t know if this is right or wrong, I don’t know if I love you or not but I just — I’m comfortable with you, and I like your company.”

“I’m not asking for an answer from you y/n now,” Sunoo repeated. “I told you, it takes time, and I’m going to wait for you no matter what.”

“I might disappear again.” you only spoke. “I always disappear, I run away from my problems because I don’t know how to face them. I let it fade until it’s okay for me to return.”

“I’ll wait for you if that’s what you want from me,” Sunoo boldly said. “Do you want me to?”

“No,” you immediately replied. “I…want to be with you, I don’t think I can let myself disappear without telling you again. I don’t want to leave you hanging around. I don’t want to hurt you again.”

“Alright.” it was the only thing he said, and yet, there’s a sense of relief hearing those words from him.

“I’m sorry Sunoo,” you let out a sigh. “And thank you, for hearing me out.”

“It’s nothing,” Sunoo replied. “I told you, I’ll be here.”

“No, I should make it up to you,” you insisted. “I couldn’t bear to just walk into your life and act like everything that happened was nothing.”

Sunoo looks at you with confusion.

“Let me court you Sunoo, prove to you that I’m not going to run away ever again,” you boldly announced.

And Sunoo, due to shock and surprise — laughs at your words. Your forehead creased as Sunoo’s head dipped back, his laugh hysterically echoing through the whole empty place.

“You’re not taking me seriously, aren’t you?” you stated, full of embarrassment.

“Oh baby —” he coos. “You think I’m going to let you court me? No way, I’d rather die.”

“Then what do you want me to do?” you asked.

“Just don’t ever leave me, or everyone — I’m not going to let you disappear on my sight ever again,” he stated. “If you run away, I’m going to hunt you, I swear.”

“You swear?”

“Yeah, me and Nabi will chase after you.” he threatened lightheartedly but all you heard was your niece’s name.

“Is she okay?” you asked, and Sunoo immediately understood who you meant.

“Did you go to Nabi?”

“No, not yet, I’m scared, she might be angry at me,” you heaved out a sigh. “I went to you first. I just don't know how to handle this one.”

“I don’t think so,” Sunoo said. “She thinks you’re just out there saving people. I think she’ll be more happy to see you.”

“Can you accompany me? I’m just scared to face her.” you asked, and from there, Sunoo only gave you an assuring smile.

“Of course.”

After Sunoo closes The Rabbit Hole, he glances at you who only gave him a smile — and that assured him. You’re here now, and you’re not going to run away anymore. You were still carrying your duffle bag as the two of you walked hand in hand towards their apartment flat.

The knock on the door was even more breath-holding. You couldn’t help but to hold onto Sunoo’s arms as he knocks on the door of Joohyun’s flat. Your heart beating fast as shame came all over you, scared of what awaits you.

The door swung open, revealing your landlady whose sleepy eyes widened to see you. You only gave her a small smile, and she only gave you a smile back — that comforting motherly smile from your landlady who has known you for years.

“Come in,” she offered. It was late night, she knew that her sleep was disrupted but this disruption was a good disturbance for her.

As the two of you entered the apartment flat, there was a sense of relief in you. Your hand remained on Sunoo’s arms who had his hand on the back of your arms as the two of you waited for Joohyun.

Joohyun returns in a minute, holding Nabi who’s jolted awake, her tiny hands rubbing her eyes as she tries to open it.

“Mama!” Then came her words. It’s as if her drowsiness faded the moment she saw you.

“My baby,” you choked out as tears started to fall from your eyes. Joohyun brings her to you and you could only do nothing but to embrace her tightly, sobbing as you held her close to you.

“Mama don’t cry,” Nabi mumbled to you, and that only made you cry harder.

“No baby — I’m just happy to see you, I just miss you,” you whispered to her. Softly brushing her hair as the guilt in your heart slowly started to dissipate.

At that moment, Sunoo only stood there with a smile, looking at you as you held your niece tightly like you don’t want to let go. Joohyun slowly took her steps closer towards Sunoo, lightly patting his shoulder and making him shift his attention towards the lady.

“Thank you,” the old maid smiled.

“I didn’t do anything,” Sunoo confessed.

But Joohyun shakes her head, “you’re here to give her strength to face Nabi again. I think that matters.”

Sunoo only nods. Still, in the back of his mind, the only thing he did was to wait for you — and he’s glad that he did. He was the reason why you decided to return and Sunoo was glad that you finally reunited with Nabi.

It didn’t take long for Nabi to eventually fall asleep in your arms. The three of you had left the landlady’s apartment before you walked Sunoo out of the apartment, where the two of you stood in silence for a moment.

“Thank you again Sunoo,” you mumbled to him. “I’m really, really grateful for you.”

“It’s no worries y/n,” he said. “I’m glad that you’re back.”

“Of course, you gave me a reason to return.”

“Listen y/n. I’ll be leaving for the holidays next week,” Sunoo informed. “I might see you next semester.”

“Oh,” your hold on Nabi tightens. “Well, of course, I understand.”

But Sunoo only smiled, approaching you with quiet steps before softly cupping your cheeks. He leans close to give your temple a kiss.

“I’ll make sure to text you everyday, if that assures you.” Sunoo shared. “Plus we have a week to be together before I go.”

You only smile bitterly, before you tug his shirt, pulling him for a hug despite having Nabi in your hold.

“I miss you so much,” you only whispered. “I don’t want you to go.”

“You can come if you want to, we have a beach in our hometown, I’m sure you’ll love it.” Sunoo suggested, hands brushing your hair.

You only shake your head before breaking out of the hug. “No, I don’t want to disturb your time with your family. I’ll be here, waiting for you — just like how you waited for me.”

“I’m glad to hear that then.”

Sunoo leaves you a goodbye kiss on the forehead before he starts walking away. You only stood there as he slowly became farther from you. It wasn’t until a few blocks when he turned around and waved at you, making you smile, as you waved back at him.

Epilogue.

The waves crashed down in huge forms, yet the sun was shining bright in summer’s time. The water’s inked clear blue against the fine white sands of Sunoo’s hometown beach.

“Nabi come here!” you shouted in worry as your niece ran towards the crashing waves. Your heart filled with nervousness as before she got swallowed by the waves, Sunoo was able to catch him with ease. Both getting splashed by the seawater.

“Don’t go against the crashing waves, what if it swept you off?” you lectured the toddler who only pouted.

“But you like to go against it!” she rebutted and you only became quiet due to her answer. You heard Sunoo’s soft chuckle making you glare at him.

“She has a point though,” Sunoo brushes off his damp hair before he sits beside you. “You even do it during rainstorms.”

“She’s a kid Noo,” you rolled your eyes. “My sister will kill me if she learns that her daughter’s becoming a daredevil.”

“I guess she got it from you,” the male merely chuckles.

“Mama, I want to swim!” Nabi pouted, and that was your cue. “Fine, alright — let’s go Sunoo?”

“You guys go ahead, I’ll watch over our things.”

You didn’t rebut him further, you stood up with Nabi on your arms as you two submerged into the water. The cold water completely contrasts the warm rays of the sun. Sunoo was right when he mentioned that the ocean is also beautiful during summer’s time.

Meanwhile Sunoo only sat there, watching the two of you play around the sea. Your body’s submerged through your stomach as he can hear your faint laugh from where he was. His smile never fades as watching you reminds him that it’s been a year since you returned.

You two are still adjusting with your relationship. It might have been a slow adjustment, but Sunoo’s content with what you two had. He’s just glad that in a span of a year, you didn’t run away anymore. You found support in him, and slowly, you’ve been reciprocating his feelings and affection to you.

The skinships, and stolen kisses, followed by sweet words. It all means so much to him. The way you sometimes pass by The Rabbit Hole to take a glance at him, he likes how you’ve slowly become a patron in the place he works for.

“Hey,” Sunoo’s thoughts snapped out when he heard your voice. He hurriedly grabs the towel for you and Nabi who shivered cold. The toddler hugs herself in the warm cloth while you sit next to Sunoo before grabbing the packed sandwich you two brought.

“Here,” you handed it over to your niece who only said her thanks before she walked away from the two of you.

“This is nice,” you whispered, head resting on Sunoo’s shoulder who didn’t move an inch. “This place is beautiful.”

“I told you, you’ll love it.” Sunoo stated and you merely chuckled. After a week of persuasion, you finally agreed to join Sunoo to have a holiday in his hometown.

At first you were scared of meeting his family, but it’s Sunoo’s family. They’re as warm and welcoming as your lover was. They were even cooing at Nabi who seems to be pleased with the affection and attention she got from Sunoo’s parents.

You remembered how his mother hugged you, and you almost cried. It’s been a while since you felt a mother’s affection and never would you think that you’ll find it in Sunoo's mother — perhaps, you were indeed lucky to meet him.

“Sunoo,” you called out. Eyes never leaving the ocean. The waves continued to crash right in front of you, and somehow — everything felt right.

“Do you need anything?” Sunoo asked.

You only smiled at his tone. Always a worrier when it comes to you. “I love you.”

You can feel Sunoo visibly flinch, making you chuckle once more. “What?”

“I said I love you —”

“No, I heard you the first time, it’s just — I’m shocked.” Sunoo pointed out, and that’s when you looked at him who’s eyes were wide.

“It felt natural saying it to you,” you only shrugged like it’s the easiest thing to say. Like it didn’t take you a year to say it.

But god, looking at Sunoo’s expression? He was breathless. He couldn’t believe that you said those words. He could only cup your cheeks as the smile on his face never left. “I’m glad then.”

“Sorry it took me a year to say it.” you apologized immediately.

But instead of saying anything, Sunoo only kisses your lips which you reciprocated immediately. “I told you, it’s worth the wait.” he said as your lips separated.

“Are you going to say it back?” you teased him back.

“Mama! I wanted apple juice!” the two of you separated when Nabi’s voice caught your ears. You turned to her direction and saw that she’s slowly approaching you two. You only groaned while Sunoo chuckled at the moment.

“Huh, seems like someone interrupted our moment,” Sunoo teases.

“Bad timing Nabi,” you only muttered as you grabbed the box of apple juice inside the cooler. Standing up from your seat to go over to your niece when Sunoo calls you out, making you glance back at him.

“I love you too.”

223 notes · View notes

sundives · 27 days ago

Text

happy 1000+ notes for hope ur ok! im glad i broke a lot of hearts with this fic JUST KIDDING. But seriously, thank you for loving Jungwon's story. (ﾉ´ヮ´)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

I hope you guys will love sunoo's story! pls give him lots and lots of love!! we're almost done with Arcanum series!! ٩(^ᗜ^ )و ´-

Hope ur ok ✶ yjw.

Well, I hope you know how proud I am you were created.

Summary: Ever since you rejected Jungwon's feelings back in high school, he swore to his life that he'll make you regret it by beating you at every competition that he can possibly see — and you're not one to back down either

Four years into college and your unwavering rivalry with Jungwon never stopped and it's leading you to insanity, wondering if this is a battle of one's wit or pride, or just a pay back for breaking your best friend's heart.

✰ Song inspiration: Hope Ur Ok by Olivia Rodrigo, Colossal Loss by Niki, Teenage Dream by Olivia Rodrigo

✰ Word Count: 22.6k

✰ Tags: Childhood friends to best friends to academic rivals to lovers or enemies? Or a third thing? We don’t know, infuriating angst, miscommunications? no communications at all, hurt no comfort, denial of feelings, betrayal, a bit of fluff ig, smut! cursing and banters, college setting, classmates, bands, house parties (jungwon had the party 4 u moment), Yang Jungwon is in a band (and he’s a petty asshole,) reader is also petty (also has pent-up feelings for Jungwon). They were young and immature, let them slide, mentions of enhypen members, mentions of kpop idols, oc characters. Minju as your best friend. Open ending.

✰ CW: smut! Plot with little porn, unprotected sex (pls don’t) oral (f receiving), clothed sex, dom! Jungwon, sub! Reader, nipple/breast play, degradation, dacryphilia, implied somnophilia.

✰ Asul’s note: fifth installment of arcanum series!! FINALLY Jungwon’s story is here! I know you guys are waiting for this one, and I hope you guys enjoy this one. I didn’t hold back with the angst in this one so yeah. Also shitty smut ahead, I’m not great with the degradation and mean stuff lol. Inaacuracies once again, and not proofread enough, but enjoy it though.

Also if you have read Heeseung’s story, his gf is also the reader, but I gave her a name here in Jungwon's story since she has a huge role in this one lol. (They’re still considered as y/n in their own story.)

You can check the other member's stories here: Heeseung | Jay | Jake | Sunghoon

✰ Taglist: @kiikiisblog @chuuyaobsessed @mangoescrazy @dearestdreamies @ambi01 @meowwons @sourkiki @won1yoiz @avadie @tinyteezer @tatikeu @heeseungsgf26 @k1ttyjwon @wondash @whotfcrystal

The classroom was filled with noises. Bustling whispers and groans as the midterm papers are being returned by their professor. The woman in front, Atty. Yoon has a small smile on her lips as she hands out the papers one by one.

“Congratulations Jungwon! You’ve got a perfect score,” a round of applause filled the classroom. All eyes were on Jungwon who had a small smile as he accepted his paper from the midterm exams.

As Jungwon sat on his chair, he quietly observed his answers after not seeing it for a week. It wasn't his best arguments but it still got him a perfect score, he doesn’t have the right to complain about whether he could’ve done better.

“Y/n, perfect score too, congratulations!” his head lifted immediately as soon as your name was called. Jungwon watches you stand up from your seat and walk towards the teacher’s table. You mouthed your thanks to your professor before going back towards your seat — catching the way Jungwon was staring at you, and giving him an eye roll before sitting.

You began rereading your paper. Seeing the small comments and remarks from your professor made your smile even wider. The perfect score was just a small thing, but hearing feedback from your professor was a different praise for your intelligence.

After returning all the papers. Atty. Yoon began her lecture. The class fell into silence, unable to ask their peers their results. You listened to her diligently as you wrote down notes and observations from her lectures, until the clock strikes at three-thirty.

“Okay! That’s all for today, remember to pass your activities tomorrow and — oh! May I request those who got a score of ninety-five and above to approach me? Class dismissed.” she smiled as she watched her students scramble from their seats.

You stood up from your seat, walking straight towards the teacher’s table along with some classmates of yours — including Jungwon, who only gave you a small glance.

“The Supreme court is opening their office for interns this year, but only one will be given to this section since limited slots will be open,” the professor explained, looking at each student one by one.

“This isn’t mandatory but it will be a great experience. I am giving you all the opportunity to apply for it. It’ll be open next month, just wait for my further announcement, but for now, think about it and its merit on your future” with that, she grabs her things, smiling at them as she bids, “that would be all, goodbye!”

As she exited the classroom, your classmates were surprised by the news, they began conversing about the internship while you’re still sinking in the news.

An internship in the supreme court? It’s a great starter to know more about the court trials and hearing of laws. — it’s not just a great opportunity, it might be a stepping stone for your future as a lawyer.

“You’re going to try?” you turned to your classmate who you only replied with a smile.

“Of course she will! Y/n, I think you’ll be a great candidate for it!” another one complimented, and you only chuckled.

“I do think it’s a great opportunity,” you simply answered, not missing the way Jungwon glanced at you.

“What about you Jungwon? You’re going to try?” someone asked, and Jungwon didn’t say a word for a moment.

“I’ll think about it,” Jungwon replied, glancing at you who’s smile faded. “I might be busy with Arcanum too.”

“Oh really? But I bet you can multitask it, you’re not Yang Jungwon for nothing!”

As soon as their attention shifted on Jungwon, you excused yourself and returned to your seat. A thinned line formed on your lips as you grabbed your bag when you felt a presence approaching you.

“You seem relieved,” Jungwon stated. “That I’ll think about it.”

“What makes you think that I’m relieved? It’s like you’re saying I’m scared that you might steal the slot from me.”

“Your words, not mine,” Jungwon nonchalantly shrugged.

“Because I know you Jungwon, your ‘I’ll think about it’ will just take a day and you’re going to do it eventually,” you sassed.

“And I know you y/n, this opportunity is a great kick for your law school essays,” Jungwon smirked at you as he reached his hand. “May the best student win.”

“Fuck off Jungwon,” you snarled at him, glaring before leaving the classroom. The heavy feeling in your heart followed you not long after as you exited your department building.

You and Jungwon used to be two peas in a pod. Growing up in the same neighborhood, you two became close the moment your parents knocked on the doors of the Yang residence and introduced themselves.

You remember five year old Jungwon peeking behind his mother while his older sister was just right beside him. He quickly introduced himself to you, smiling despite lacking one upper front tooth, and inviting you if you want to play their wii station.

From there, you and Jungwon grew up together along with Jiwon. You assumed that you’ll be closer with Jiwon, playing dress-ups and dolls, but Jungwon always makes sure that you’ll get to play with him — which resulted in the two of you becoming best friends. He always clings to you, talks to you with the most random thoughts which usually catch you off-guard, and gives you the most random things just because it reminds him of you.

Your friendship with Jungwon didn’t stop when you returned to your original address during high school. You know that texts and chats won’t suffice, that’s why you begged your parents to continue your study at Decelis University’s high school department because you know that Jungwon is there — and you don’t want to be separated from him.

With the condition of maintaining good grades, your parents allowed you to study there. During high school, you and Jungwon were considered as a genius duo. Always on the top two of the whole department, but none of you see it as a rivalry. It’s more of a support to each other. He helps you with math and science, while you help him in history and language.

You two spend most of the time studying, frequently in his house or sometimes in a random coffee shop. It was tranquil, and you loved every moment with Jungwon. You considered him as your bestest friend, and you were looking forward to continuing it during college especially when both of you got accepted into Decelis University.

Then came your high school graduation. That moment was supposed to be a celebration for both of you. You were ranked second while Jungwon’s the valedictorian of the batch. Everything felt so right, not until Jungwon asked you for a favor.

“What are we doing here Jungwon?” you asked. The hallways were empty, students were inside the small convention hall of Decelis, lining up for the ceremony. Your parents will be here any moment and so are his, but Jungwon asked to accompany him — having to get something in their locker.

That’s how you two ended up inside your empty classroom, you stood there while Jungwon fiddled his locker. Opening it, grabbing something, and then as he faces you. Jungwon looks so nervous and you’re confused, never in your life would you see your best friend this nervous.

“I’m going straight to the point but I like you y/n, not as a best friend, but as a woman,” he confessed boldly. He then stretches his arms, showing you the object that he was holding: a small white paper bag with a delicate blue ribbon wrapped on the side. You eyed the logo of the paper bag and knew that it was an expensive jewelry brand.

“Jungwon —” you stopped. Words couldn’t get out of your mouth. Your heart starts beating fast because you don’t know what to say. You were flustered — surprised on top of that. You didn’t expect Jungwon to boldly confess to you.

You didn’t expect that Jungwon has feelings for you, or maybe he’s not subtle and you’re just too oblivious about it. That’s why you stood there frozen as you tried to stitch some words to say to Jungwon.

“I’m sorry Wonwon…” you managed to stutter. “But I can’t accept your feelings — my parents, they told me to focus on my studies first. They think relationships will just be a distraction.”

As those words fell from your mouth, Jungwon felt his ears ringing. Heart dropping as he slowly brings back the paperbag he was holding. He couldn’t believe what you just said to him.

Bullshit. Jungwon called it bullshit. He can feel his heart shattering into thousands of pieces as he processes every damn word that you said. You watched as the hopeful look on Jungwon’s face distorted in a confusion then slowly, his face became bitter and betrayed.

“I see how it is,” Jungwon bitterly laughs. “Really? That’s your reason? Alright, if that’s really your reason then prove it to me.”

Your forehead creased at his words, confused by Jungwon’s reaction. “Prove it to you — Jungwon, what are you talking about?”

“Prove it to me, show me that your reason really is the truth and now just some excuse,” Jungwon challenged.

“Are you seriously throwing away our friendship just because I rejected you?” you couldn’t believe it. Years of friendship all crumbled down just because you couldn’t reciprocate your feelings to him.

“Your reason is shallow y/n,” he pointed out instead. That’s when you realized that the Jungwon in front of you isn’t your best friend anymore. That the Jungwon in front of you was a guy who you just rejected but couldn’t accept.

You scoffed in disbelief, “shallow!? You’re the one who couldn’t accept that I rejected you!”

“And you’re going to regret rejecting me.” Jungwon warned with a serious tone. “Prioritizing studies? You think I’m going to believe that?”

“Think whatever you want Jungwon,” you snarled at him. “We’re done, I don’t want to be friends with you anymore.”

“Oh no, we’re not done yet,” Jungwon smirks at you. “We’re just getting started.”

Your years of friendship with Jungwon vanished that day. Ever since that day, Jungwon looks at you like a competition that he needs to beat — and he sticks true to his words.

You know how petty Jungwon can be. But you didn’t realise that he was that petty and prideful enough to challenge you. It even led him to transferring to the same college program as you which is legal management. You were surprised to see him in your classroom on the first day of class. You thought that he’ll stick with Physical Therapy but he chose the same program as yours just so he can prove to you that he’s serious about his words.

You weren’t going to take it seriously, but when the first debate was exchanged between the two of you a week into your freshman year, you decided to play along with his games.

It wasn’t those typical, my grades are higher than you so suck it up! type of rivalry. Both of you are equally intelligent, gpa and grades are always 1 never falling under 2. Jungwon doesn’t care if you aced an exam and he got three mistakes. What he cares about is competing with you at anything that will be worth your pride and academics.

Recitations, rankings, organizations and contests. Those are his targets. If you joined a club, he’s joining it too. If you’re joining a contest, he’s joining it too. He’ll argue with you at every chance he could get, he doesn’t care if it ends up illogical, all he wants to see is the pissed expression on your face as he never stops rebutting all your arguments.

The tallies of the winner and losers are always equal because you’re not one to back down either. You’re not going to let him win. After ruining your friendship, you want Jungwon to regret ruining his friendship with you.

No one was tallying but the first one to quit loses, and so far, no one has ever forfeited. Both of you are fueled with pride and intelligence, eager to prove the other party that they’re wrong. Everyone knows that tension between the two of you. Some are wary of it, but others brush it off, thinking that it’s just a stupid college rivalry — not knowing the history you two had.

The only thing that Jungwon didn’t join was the Decelis Publications because for once, he admits that he’s not that creative when it comes to writing articles. He’s not going to burn his creative juices in that area, so instead, he ventured on other things — which is joining a band.

During his freshman year, Jungwon was roped into joining a university band along with three of his seniors. Arcanum was created and they became widely popular during their years in Decelis. Jungwon was their drummer and it didn’t surprise you since Jungwon has always loved playing drums ever since he was a kid.

So while he’s out there making noise as a band member, you find peace in Decelis Publications. An area that only you can touch. A place where there is no Yang Jungwon breathing against your neck and you can move on your own. Everything about it was worth it especially when you were appointed as the paper’s Editor-in-Chief in your last year in college.

“Excuse me, you want me to do what?” you repeated, an offended look on your face was written.

“Not me, it was Ma’am Jo, she wants you to do an exclusive interview with Jungwon,” Minju, your best friend slash assistant editor of the publication repeated.

“I know Minju, but — are you serious!?” you whisper-shouted but Minju could only give you a knowing look. She knows about your rivalry with Jungwon, and she knows how much you hate that boy but the order came from the paper’s adviser.

No way. There’s no fucking way. You already interviewed Arcanum back then during the year-end concert. Why do the publications need to write an article about them — specifically Yang Jungwon.

“Listen, they’re popular now, they’re going to go mainstream especially when they’re gearing up for their debut single, every eyes is on them, and Jungwon, being the youngest and still in college, managed to multitask his studies and playing in a band, he’s the pride of Decelis at the moment.” Minju explains calmly.

“Wouldn’t that offend the other members who just happen to be ahead of him? Isn’t it better to just interview the whole group since all of them are from Decelis?” you justified, and Minju nods in agreement.

“You just don’t want to interview Jungwon alone, don’t you?” Minju laughs, making you roll your eyes.

“You know me Minju,” it’s the only thing you could say.

“Then, tell that to Ma’am Jo, I’ll think she’ll understand your reason,” your best friend suggested.

“She should or else I’ll have you interview them,” you threatened, leaving the club room with Minju laughing at your remark.

The walk towards the faculty room was short. Knocking on the door, all heads turned as you gave the teachers inside a smile and small greeting before approaching your adviser who focused on her laptop.

“Yes, y/n what is it dear?” Miss Jo brightly asked, beaming at you.

“Ma’am, regarding your request to interview Yang Jungwon,” you started.

She seems delighted with your words, “yes! What about it?”

“Why is he the focus of our article just because he’s still a Decelis student? Wouldn’t that be unfair for the other members of the band? They only graduated last year too,” you explained.

Miss Jo hums for a second, nodding as she seems to understand your sentiments. “Well, I only suggested Jungwon because he’ll be easier to be reached unlike the other three — unless you have connections with them? My original plan was to cover their whole journey. Starting from being a university band up to where they are now. I’m a bit intimidated to reach the others, that’s why I only suggested Jungwon.”

“That’s a lot Ma’am,” you commented shortly.

“Yes, it’s a bit hectic too, that's why I suggested that you handle it, and just ask Jungwon a short interview — unless you know how to reach the whole band.”

“I can do that, I just want to ask for the deadline,” you asked, hoping that it won’t clash with the internship. You know that you can multitask but at the same time, priorities should also be ranked, and the internship is a huge deal for you.

“It’s up to you, just be there during their release of their single debut and their showcase, we’ll put them in the paper’s front page and we’ll post them on the university’s official page,” she explains.

“That seems to be a lot of work,” you mindlessly commented.

“Don’t worry, I’ll ask for merit points on your extracurriculars, how’s that sound?” she suggested.

“Deal,” you said without any hesitation.

As you exit the office, you lightly skip your way back towards the club room. It’ll be an easy task, you know someone who’s close to Arcanum and is willing to set up an interview with them. There’s no need to go through Jungwon because you know that he’ll immediately reject your request for the interview.

Good for him though, you don’t have any plans of involving him on your plan too.

The daycare center across the street of Decelis University was filled with noises and kids running on the playground. The afternoon’s windy and cool with dark gray clouds filling the place and yet, it didn’t bother you as you went inside one of the classrooms where she was waiting for you.

“Of course babe! When do you need it?” the older girl said with a smile. You watch as she cleans each table of her students, while you’re following her from behind.

Yang Jiwon — Jungwon’s older sister, has known Arcanum for years. The Yang residence used to be the band’s spot for practices during their college days and Jiwon had witnessed Arcanum starting from their humble beginnings.

When you and Jungwon broke up your friendship, Jiwon was the first person you ran into — despite knowing that Jungwon probably had run into her too. Jiwon was both your middle ground and pacifier. She fully understands both sides and instead of interfering, she lets you two play around the rivalry — hoping that one day, you two fully understand that you two have been dancing around your feelings instead of properly communicating.

Jiwon is still a close friend of yours. You were also there to witness her college love story that revolved around her delusional crush with Arcanum’s vocalist and how they eventually became a couple — which leads to where you are right now.

“As soon as possible, is it a busy week for them?” you asked.

“Just a couple of gigs, and band practices as far as I know, I’ll ask Hee,” Jiwon hums. “You know I was going to ask you why you approached me in reaching out for Arcanum when Jungwon’s there, but then again, never mind.”

You ignored the older girl’s teasing tone, rolling your eyes as you darted your attention somewhere else. “He won’t agree to it even if I approach him first.”

“Hey, why would he reject it? You know it’s big news that Decelis will cover their showcase, it’s rare for universities to support their students — it’s good exposure too, it’ll benefit both of you,” Jiwon pointed out.

“Because I’m writing it, it’s going to be under Decelis publications, which is being handled by me,” you explained.

“You and Jungwon’s rivalry,” Jiwon could only breathe. “Seriously, it’s been four years, you two aren’t going to call it quits? Have you ever thought of just giving up and properly explaining it to him? I graduated, got a job, and everything and you two are still fighitng.”

“Yeah, I think we both would rather die than properly communicate,” you shrugged, making Jiwon let out a sigh before grabbing her bag, and the two of you exit the classroom.

“What am I going to do to make you two go back to being friends,” she murmured, massaging her temples like it’s stressing her out.

“Nothing at all, so don’t worry about us,” you smiled, but the older girl didn’t buy it.

“I’m just scared y/n, that things might go too far,” Jiwon sincerely said.

You only laughed at her worries, “it won’t. It’s just an academic rivalry, plus I like the competition.”

“Enough to outweigh your feelings for him?”

You didn’t answer Jiwon. The whole minute of awkward silence was enough for her to not pry further and just continue walking. She knows that you’re holding back your feelings because of its irony. Up to this point you still won’t accept the fact that you had developed feelings for Jungwon even though he’s a jerk and ruined your friendship.

Jiwon knows your conflict and the only way to fix it is to tell Jungwon the truth but your pride says otherwise — there’s no use when you know that Jungwon doesn’t see you that way anymore.

A week later, Jungwon approaches you. He’s not even near your vicinity and yet you’re already aware of him and his intention to ruin your Monday.

“An interview with Arcanum, that’s so sweet of you, you know?” he coos and you only let out a gruntled sound.

“Did Jiwon tell you that?” you asked, not even raising your head to look at him.

“Not noona, but Heeseung-hyung did,” Jungwon pointed out, and that makes sense to you too. Jiwon had informed you that she had passed the message to her boyfriend, they agreed but last week they were swarmed with gigs, that's why they weren’t able to meet you. “Which hurts me because you know I’ll agree if you asked me to interview us.”

“I don’t want you shoving it to me that you did me a favor.” you justified. The last thing that you want is to be in debt to Jungwon.

“How about we drop that act and be professional on this one?” he offered, and that’s when you raised your hand. Glancing at him who only stood there with a small smile on his lips.

“Professional — you’re shitting yourself Jungwon? Since when did you even become professional with everything that involves me,” you mocked.

“Don’t you want it? I’m lowering myself down for you.”

“I don’t need you to.”

“I want to,” Jungwon insisted, his tone becoming serious. “How about this, you’ll get the full inside scoop of Arcanum’s preparation for our debut, even a free media pass for our showcase, but you have to make sure that it’ll give us good publicity.”

“What’s in for me?” you quickly interjected.

“I’m not going to participate in the internship,” Jungwon boldly said, and that made you raise an eyebrow. “I’ll be busy with Arcanum, our schedule and bookings are full by the end of the year, I might not be able to balance a heavy internship.”

“You really mean it?” you asked. You don’t know why but you felt something odd with Jungwon approaching you all of the sudden and striking a deal with you — like he didn’t just tell you, “may the best student wins.” last week. It’s like he has a deeper intention than what he proposed to you.

“It won’t even benefit me, it’s not like I’m going to continue taking law,” he casually shrugs. Right. You did remember that legal management wasn’t even his choice of career. “Do you even want it or not?”

“Fine,” you said in defeat, it’s not like you’ll immediately get the slot, but since Jungwon’s forfeiting it meant less competitors for you.

You raised your pinky finger and Jungwon only stared at it for a minute.

“What are you twelve?” he mocks.

“You know I take pinky promises Won,” you told him. “If you really mean it, swear it on me.”

Jungwon heaves out a sigh before intertwining his pinky finger on yours and touching your thumb with his thumb to secure the deal. As you broke out from his touch, you only gave him a small glare.

“Keep your promises Won,” you told him.

“When did I even break my promise?” he said, and you didn’t rebut because you know it yourself that Yang Jungwon doesn’t break promises.

You had prepared yourself for meeting Arcanum. Listening to their old songs, and asking Jiwon for some information about them. You wanted to make sure that you have a deep knowledge about the group before properly interviewing them.

Jungwon told you that he’ll let you know when the interview will be, but the following days there has been a radio silence. Classes continued. Quizzes, recitations, and small debates that always had your section witnessing your endless banters with Jungwon occured.

The internship for the Supreme Court was also posted on board, and it seems like the slots really are limited this time — only five and that’s for the whole one-hundred and fifty senior students under your program. Atty. Yoon had handed the requirements and while you had spare time, you completed everything that’s needed.

“Let’s go,” Jungwon said one fine Wednesday afternoon, startling you who’s still sitting in the chair.

“Don’t scare me like that,” you snarled at him.

“Come on now, you said you want a glimpse right? You’ll be joining us at our practice tonight,” Jungwon explains and that only made you roll your eyes.

“Fine, just a minute —”

“Faster, I don’t want to be stuck in the rush hour —”

“Damn it Jungwon, just wait!” you shouted at him who only had a teasing smile on his lips. He crossed his arms as you hurriedly shoved everything inside your bag before carrying it on your shoulder.

God you wonder how you’ll be able to spend the remaining day without Jungwon taunting you. You’ll probably go nuts before the article ends.

You followed Jungwon towards the parking lot where a familiar red car is parked. You know that car, you remember the first time Jungwon drove it and how you two almost ran over a cat crossing the street. Both of you were so traumatized that he didn’t drive it for a whole week — and he managed to overcome it when you stayed late at night in their place one time, and he offered to drive you back to your house instead of booking a car.

You hate how nostalgia is rushing through your mind especially when things aren’t the way it was before then. A bitter smile escapes your lips as you step inside the car. Everything is the same, even that nose-prickling strawberry scent is still there.

Jungwon didn’t teased further, he only opened the bluetooth speaker and played a song on shuffle before he drove away from the university in silence. Daydream Records — the label that took them in was thirty minutes away from Decelis, with additional ten minutes due to the rush hour traffic, you and Jungwon arrived at the building before the sun had set.

“What do you even want to know about us,” Jungwon asked the moment you two entered the elevator. “We’re barely starting with our career.”

“Everyone’s eyeing on your debut,” you only said leaning against the wall. “Stop being so humble, you know it yourself that Arcanum is getting popular.”

The elevator stopped and Jungwon exited first while you only followed him. Turning towards the right hallway before going inside a door. He opens the door without any hesitation and soft strums of keyboard welcome you.

“Hi guys,” Jungwon greeted casually.

“Hey —” Heeseung wasn’t able to finish his sentence when his eyes darted on you.

“This is y/n, Decelis publication’s editor-in-chief,” Jungwon introduces and you only gave them an awkward smile as their stare darted at you.

“Oh! Your so-called archnemesis,” Sunghoon spoked, grinning as he waves at you.

“Yeah, that’s me,” you chuckled. “I’m here to interview you guys and observe your daily routine before your showcase. If it’s your practice time, I won’t disturb you at all. I’ll just be here to watch you.”

“For the papers right? So glad that you were able to convince Jungwon to do this,” Heeseung jokes.

“We made a promise,” you nonchalantly replied. “If I wrote a bad article, blame it on him.”

“Woah, you really had Jungwon on chokehold,” Jay laughs, while the youngest couldn’t do anything but to glare at his bandmates.

“Since you’re here, want to hear our debut single? It’ll be released in two weeks, so consider yourself lucky that you’ll hear it before the whole country does,” Heeseung suggested, before he led you to sit on the couch nearby.

“So you’ll only be releasing a single?” you asked while you took a seat.

“Already on the interview part? Yeah, we want to check whether we’ll reach our target audience through our music, although some of our original songs are still on streaming sites, they can listen to it — but this one establishes our name in the mainstream,” Heeseung explains.

You only nod as you continue your conversations with them. They seem chill to talk with, like talking to a friend who’s a band member. After that short interview, they began practicing for their song.

Their debut single, “Helium” was ear-catching. Jay produced the song and out of all the fifteen songs they’ve composed, they opted for Helium since it’s catchy and it’s like starting their career with a bang. Jay and Heeseung eventually became the vocalists of the band, with Heeseung taking the main parts.

While Sunghoon and Jungwon remained on their instruments, the band was planning on making everyone sing on the l0ng run. They shared that all of them can sing — which surprises you.

“You don’t know? Jungwon can sing,” Sunghoon teases during their short break, taking it as an opportunity for you to ask questions again.

“I just haven’t heard him sing,” you answered.

“I guess, it’s time for Jungwon to sing,” Jay pats Jungwon’s shoulder who rolls his eyes.

“Keep on dreaming y/n,” he sticks his tongue out.

“I’m not requesting you to sing bitch,” you sassed.

“No fighting in this room so stop it you two,” Heeseung claps his hand, immediately stopping the fight before it could go longer. “Break time’s over, let’s go back to practice.”

The three of them stood up from their place and returned to their instruments, with Jungwon turning his back and giving you a middle finger, you scoffed in disbelief and did the same to him, even mouthing “fuck you.”

This is going to be a challenging article for you.

You’re not sure how you manage to hold on to your sanity everytime you’re with Arcanum — actually, it’s just Jungwon.

The article’s still in process. Miss Jo seems to be happy with the progress and has pitched some of her ideas. You’ve interviewed the members one by one then as a group. The three older members were easy to interview with. Casual and fun to talk with. They’re very passionate with the band even though none of them took music as a college program. It amazes you how their passion outweighs everything.

While Jungwon? Jungwon’s making it hard for you. He’s there with his smug grin and arms crossed as he tilts his head teasingly while you’re trying your best to give him questions about his journey as Arcanum’s drummer.

Professional my ass.

Your phone recorder had witnessed your hour long banter with him. Even the snarky remarks and name calling was there. Of course you’re not going to transcribe that in the papers, you’ll get suspended. Still, it frustrates you that Jungwon’s making it hard for you.

“What happens to being a professional?” you asked, raising an eyebrow.

“I am being professional,” he shrugs.

“Sure because answering “it’s cool” and “i’m having fun” to my questions is professional,” you sarcastically replied.

“Well, I’m a man of few words,” Jungwon smiled, and there it was — that shit-eating grin.

“Okay, fine, that’s how you want it? I’ll take note of that,” you said before standing up. “I think I’m done for today, just tell your bandmates I’ve left.”

“Already? You’re easy to give up y/n,” he mocked, and you only rolled your eyes.

“I have to prepare for the internship,” you reasoned out. “My life isn’t all about the article just so you know.”

“Oh, I thought your life revolved around our rivalry.”

“Maybe it’s you who’s revolving around it, since you started it.”

“And yet, you’re not backing out of it.”

“Jerk.”

“Only for you.”

You didn’t answer Jungwon, but instead you made your way out of the room, halting your walk mid-way when you felt your phone vibrating. Your pent-up frustrations died a bit when you saw that it was your mother who’s calling.

“Hey mom,” you greeted.

“Hi sweetie, how are you? I’m just checking on you because it’s been a while since you called,” she started with a worried tone.

You heaved out a sigh. All the stress and workload had made you forget to make a call to your parents. “I’m fine ma, I’m at outside at the moment, I just finished an interview with Arcanum —”

“Oh! Jungwon’s band! How is he? Is he still there?” your mother asked excitingly.

You only closed your eyes before smiling bitterly. “No ma, I mean — I just finished the interview and I’ll be going home now, I have to finish the requirements for the internship, you know, the one for the supreme court.”

“Have you ever thought about your aunt’s offer? It’s a good deal y/n,” your mother changes the topic suddenly.

“Ma, it’s too far, I can’t, it’ll be a huge adjustment for me,” you argued. There it is again. Your mother has been bugging you about your career decisions. Your aunt was also a lawyer, but she’s currently residing in the states. She was nice to give you a scholarship under their firm, along with an internship. The offer was huge and it’ll even give you a bigger stepping stone to your dream.

But it was too soon. Too rash for you and as much as it’s a huge opportunity, you find it hard to leave everything behind in a short time.

“But we will be there y/n, you’re not going to be alone, we’re here to support you,” she softly said and that assured you, but still.

“I know that ma, but I’m just not ready to leave yet,” you only said.

“Oh that’s right, you couldn’t leave Jungwon alone,” she laughed and that made you wince. “But the offer is still open y/n, I asked your aunt to send you details through your email, looked into it okay?”

“Okay ma,” the call ended and you only laughed ironically at how your parents still think that you and Jungwon are still friends. Oh well. Things are better unexplained.

“Hey y/n,” that’s when you turned to your left, noticing that the other Arcanum members were there. That’s when you remembered where you are right now, hopefully, they weren’t able to hear your call with your mother.

“I just finished my interview with Jungwon,” you lied, smiling awkwardly at them. “I’ll be going now, bye guys!”

You didn’t even let them bid you goodbye, you hurriedly went past them and went straight to the elevator, confusing the three but they had a small hunch.

The moment they returned to the room, Jungwon stared at them innocently.

“What?” he asked, like a deer caught in the headlights.

“Jungwon, come on take this seriously,” Heeseung reprimanded.

“If she seriously wrote us in a bad light, we’re blaming you,” Jay pointed out and it only made the younger boy laugh.

“She won’t, don’t worry,” Jungwon assured.

“Okay, but you shouldn’t make it hard for her,” Heeseung shared. “I get that you guys have some rivalry, but in the end, she’ll be the one who’ll get in trouble if she won’t be able to pass the article before the deadline.”

“You’re nagging me aren’t you?” the youngest only said.

“Just — don’t make it hard for her to do her job,” Heeseung added, patting Jungwon's shoulder lightly. “You’re too old for this childish shit Jungwon.”

“Yeah, holding onto a grudge won’t bring you good too,” Sunghoon added.

“You guys worry too much,” Jungwon commented.

“Don’t give her a hard time Jungwon,” Jay crosses his arms. “We didn’t mean to pry but we heard her call earlier with her mom, she seems to be going through something.”

“What do you mean?”

“We don’t know the context,” Heeseung answered. “But for her sake, don’t give her more stress, can you?”

“Fine.” it was the only thing Jungwon could say. Mind filled with curiosity about your call with your mother.

You’re all alone inside the club room.

You’ve been staring at your laptop for a few minutes. The tab of your microsoft word where your article is is left untouched. You’re deep in thoughts as you stare at the email that your aunt sent you a few days ago. Fingers tapping on the mousepad as your mind becomes afloat.

Decisions are being made inside you, weighing the pros and cons, and internally, all you wanted was a sign.

And as if, someone heard your prayers. A knock on the door echoed inside the whole room. Startled, you immediately close your tab before turning around to see Jungwon standing in front of the door.

“Do you need anything?” you asked with a serious tone.

“I’m just here to inform you that the showcase will be next Friday,” Jungwon said. “Heeseung hyung will be giving you a media pass, you can bring another one too. Ma’am Jo has a separate one because she’s handling the livestream.”

“Alright,” you only nod.

“How’s the article,” he asked, sounding more genuine than usual.

“It’s great actually,” you replied with a casual tone.

Jungwon didn’t stop despite the whole fiasco.

The good thing was that his members were there during his solo interview. Watching him like a hawk that he was left with no choice but to answer your questions properly. Thank God they subtly helped you or else you might just have to write him out of the article.

Days passed and your articles almost finished. All you need is the coverage of their debut showcase — at a small theater hall yet it sold out in minutes. Highlighting their popularity and the public’s anticipation of their debut.

“The internship?” he asked, sounding curious rather than mocking.

“Interview’s will be at the end of the month,” a week after the showcase. It’ll give you more time to prepare for it. You’ve already submitted your resumè to them, along with the required documents. All you needed was to prepare for the interview.

Somehow you couldn’t help but to feel nervous about it. Even though Jungwon, your biggest rival, isn't going to participate, the chances of you getting picked are still small. That’s why you’re eager to finish the article so that you can focus on preparing for the interview.

“Good luck to you,” he said, making you glance at him.

With his smile, you felt a faint skip on your heart. You can feel your cheeks heating up as the two of you stood there in silence.

“Make sure to get the slot so that my promise won’t go to waste,” he added and that immediately crashes your assumptions about his words.

You only rolled your eyes as you focused on your laptop screen. “Can you even be genuine for once, Yang Jungwon?”

“You really want that from me?” he asked, and there’s a bitter tone on it that made you realise.

“Right,” you only chuckled, remembering that you and Jungwon are still rivals despite helping each other. “If you don’t need anything else, you can leave now.”

“They heard your phone call with your mom,” Jungwon started, halting your actions. You knew what he was talking about. “You had a fight with her?”

“That’s none of your business,” you answered him back.

“You never fought with her,” Jungwon pointed out.

“Maybe they should’ve added more context about my call,” you said with an annoyed tone. “I just haven’t called her in weeks, that’s why she called me worried.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah, so there’s nothing going on with me at the moment,” you glanced at him. “Don’t act like you’re suddenly concerned for my well-being, Jungwon.”

For a moment, the two of you only stood there in silence. Jungwon didn’t move. He only stared at you who’s eyebags are heavy underneath the glasses. You’re not really great at hiding everything, and even with snarky remarks of yours, Jungwon still won’t buy that excuse.

But who is he even anyway? Jungwon remembers that there’s no use of him being concerned about you, it’ll only leave him confused — and so do you. So he only turned around and left. The door closes and it reminds you that your friendship with Jungwon had been gone for long — and no amount of redemption and battles of wit would ever mend it.

You opened the mail tab once again, staring at it — the opportunity and the final step towards achieving your dreams. It’s right there in front of you. It’s chasing after you and it’s appalling because it’s begging for you and not the other way around. You’re just playing hard-to-get in this game.

But you know that you’re not ready for a big change. That’s why you shut down your laptop instead. Choices are being thunked as you exit the club room, walking towards the empty hallway as you make your way outside the building.

You were welcomed by the golden sky, and you only smiled at the sky because you’ve been used to it as someone who’s been in Decelis since her high school days. It feels hard to say goodbye to it. You thought as you started walking towards the university gate.

You didn’t even notice Jungwon’s who’s sitting by a nearby bench. Watching you disappear from his sight. Mind still bugged about you and what’s going on with your life.

“Jungwon!” his thoughts disappeared when a tap on the shoulder startled him.

“Don’t scare me like that!” he snarled at his friends who laughed at his reaction.

“We’ve been calling you from afar but you’re busy ogling at y/n,” Sunoo teased, glancing at the direction where you went.

“You know we still have a lot of months for our senior year, it’s not too late to talk to her,” Riki suggested.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Jungwon replied sharply.

“Still in denial I see,” the taller man laughs.

“Not in denial,” Jungwon refuted. “I just don’t see why there’s a need to.”

“Why, afraid of getting rejected again?” Sunoo rolls his eyes. “You know, if you swallow your pride and be persistent to her, maybe the second time’s the charm, you know?”

“Not going to follow you Sunoo.”

“Okay fine, hold onto your pride, but who has a girlfriend between the three of us?” Sunoo smirks, and the other two groans in response.

“You two don’t have a label yet!” Riki justified, and the three of them only laughed as they decided to leave their place and find a place to eat dinner.

The theater hall is bustling with people. Fans, media, and reporters are busying themselves as the showcase will start around six in the evening.

You sat on your designated seat beside Minju who served as the paper’s photographer. She’s busy fixing her camera’s settings while you only sit there, waiting for it to start.

The first segment will be the interview. An hour segment wherein they’ll be answering questions from the press and their fans. While the other half will be their performance. It’ll run for an hour and a half along with a short hi-touch for the fans. Just like what they’ve told you.

You’re busy doodling on your notebook while Minju quietly captures the stage. Slowly, the place is getting crowded. Miss Jo is beside the tech booth along with some general staff, preparing for the livestream.

The program started exactly at six. The crowd became loud and flashes of camera started to flicker as the mc of the showcase announced the arrival of Arcanum.

One by one, they entered the stage, wearing casual and sporty attire. They’re also wearing light makeup and heavy accessories — their usual get-up whenever they have a gig. The screams became louder, almost like whistles of whales, and it shows that they’re currently a fan sensation.

“Wow, they all look so handsome,” Minju said and you only nod at her words. They’re all visually-appealing, which is one of the reasons why they can easily attract fans.

“Hello, we are Arcanum,” Heeseung leads the greeting, waving at the crowd enthusiastically before introducing themselves one by one. As they busy themselves with their greetings and introduction, you open your laptop where you have access on Decelis Publication’s social media page, preparing for a live update and multitasking on writing short captions about them.

They started the interview lightheartedly. Sharing their thoughts and journey starting as a university band to an independent one, and eventually, signing under a label, everyone expressed their sentiments and how they’re honored that their label took them in and hone their talent.

They also mention their goals and expectations this year, Jay wished to have their own solo concerts while Heeseung wanted to meet their fans all over the country. The question then darted to Jungwon who’s still finishing his studies, the boy only smiled at the question.

“Time management is the key, also it’s not only me who’s studying, Sunghoon hyung is doing it too,” Jungwon answered. The mc noted that their dedication and discipline is on the next level especially when their college program is far from their current career.

“Always choose your passion, that’s what strives us to work harder,” Sunghoon added.

“Actually, none of us took music as a college program,” Heeseung shared with a laugh. “But after Jay and I graduated last year, the four of us talked about our future deeply and we realized that we couldn’t let go of Arcanum, that’s why we’re here.”

“And you guys made the right decision,” the mc said genuinely, making the four smile.

They continued the segment, changing the topic about their music, their debut single, and old songs. The members were able to answer the questions with sense and well-thought, sharing the process in their music composition and how they find inspiration on writing lyrics.

Eventually, they moved onto the segment where they can answer their fan’s questions. The staff pulled a whiteboard with tons of sticky notes stuck to it, surprising the group with the amount of questions they received.

“How did Arcanum form?” It was the first question Heeseung picked, which surprised them.

“We haven’t told anyone this one right?” Jay shared, and the other two agreed.

“To start, Jay and I met during freshman orientation, we became close because we learned that we love playing guitar and singing. We actually tried joining Decelis Chorale but we got rejected,” Heeseung started, laughing at his freshman self who was deflated when he didn’t get to be part of the chorale.

“So out of spite, we thought that we should form a band, but we need to recruit members,” Heeseung added.

“While Sunghoon has been an acquaintance of mine since our parents knew each other, we met again in Decelis and I asked if he still plays the piano and he doesn’t anymore but he rekindled it when I asked him that,” Jay added. “Sunghoon was interested in playing in a band, so it’s slowly coming into pieces, we just need someone who plays the drums and Jungwon popped out of nowhere.”

“Jay hyung posted an instagram story asking if there’s any Decelis student who’s interested in playing drums, I thought it was just a one time thing but now I’m stuck with these useless hyungs,” Jungwon jokes, making the whole theater laugh.

“We were sophomores back then while Jungwon’s still a freshman, we tried practicing our chemistry together and it worked, we performed the first time at The Rabbit Hole and there, Arcanum was born,” Sunghoon stated.

“And here you are guys,” the mc concluded.

Heeseung only smiles, “right, here we are now.”

After the question, they moved to another one. Jay picks a random one and as he reads it, he laughs at the question.

“Oh this is interesting, what is the member’s ideal type,” Jay shared, earning screams from the fans.

“Seems like everyone’s curious, who knows maybe their lucky girl is someone from the audience,” the mc teases, making the crowd scream louder. You only laughed at their reaction, looking at each other, they’re probably contemplating on whether they’ll expose their relationship or not.

“Who should go first? Jay? Since you picked it?” the mc gestured, and Jay only hums for a moment.

“For me, my ideal type would probably be someone who’s confident and has a kind heart,” he smiled and tons of screams filled the place.

“Anyone that comes to your mind?” Heeseung asked, and the screams became louder. Jay only laughed before he looked at the vocalist.

“How about you tell us your type Heeseung,” Jay changes the topic instead.

“My type?” Heeseung thinks about it for a minute, even though there’s someone on his mind right now. “My type is someone who’s mature and independent, but at the same time, I want to take care of her too.”

“That’s cute, it’s like you want her to be dependent on you,” the mc complimented, and Heeseung could only shyly nod. “How about you Sunghoon?”

“Mine is someone who’s hard-working and goal oriented, a little hard-headed but she’s cute when she’s too stubborn,” Sunghoon smiles.

“That’s oddly specific hyung, it’s like you’re describing someone,” Jungwon commented.

“He is actually describing someone,” Jay teases, and Sunghoon’s smile never fades as he looks at Jungwon.

“It’s your turn Jungwon, tell us your ideal type,” the keyboardist asked.

“My type?” Jungwon asked, grinning before he looked at the audience.

And for a minute, you’re sure that you and him made eye contact for a second. He smiles before shifting his gaze back to the crowd.

“I like someone who can put up with me,” he explains. “Someone that I can consider as my other half.”

“Yeah, we know someone who can put up with you,” Heeseung commented, and before you could even react Minju’s slapping your shoulder, scowling at her.

“What the fuck Minju,” you whispered-shout to her.

“Don’t deny it bitch, he’s talking about you!” your best friend teases, the same way Jungwon’s friends are teasing him on the stage.

“And? I’m not going to jump into it,” you rolled your eyes, but Minju’s laughter still lingered.

The segment continued on. The questions were random, like ranking their visuals or what they do if they weren’t in the band. You only follow through their interview as you tap away on your laptop, until they wrapped the interview and they went backstage to change.

A five minute break was given, which gave you subtle time to stretch your legs. You looked at Miss Jo’s message and she was happy because there’s a lot of engagement about Arcanum’s showcase. You searched for her at the tech booth, and as you made eye contact with her, your adviser only smiled and gave you a thumbs up.

Arcanum returned with their outfit changed, earning cheers from the crowd as they went to their respective places. It means that their performance showcase will start.

On Heeseung’s cue, he raises his right arm, a silent countdown to three, and the first strike on his guitar made the crowd scream loudly. You only sat there, astonished how they can control the crowd with such ease.

Each member has their own charisma. It’s hard to not focus on just one member, but your eyes always end up on Jungwon who’s behind Heeseung, in his little world with his drums, playing along with the beat as their vocalist sings his heart out.

He’s truly born to perform on stage. You thought as your hands typed the sentence on your word file, eyes never leaving him.

They started with some of their old songs like “XO” and “Give me your forever.” They also covered a few songs, old covers that they’ve done back then.

They end their showcase with “Helium.” Everyone was screaming their hearts out. Heeseung and Jay were a great duo and their voices complemented each other. After the end of the song, they proceed to the center and do a final bow as a sign of gratitude. Waving goodbye to their fans before they move to another hall room where the hi-touch will be held.

You watched as one by one, everyone left the hall. You and Minju stayed there for a moment, not wanting to squeeze yourself at the crowd. You and Minju were busy looking at the photos she captured when you felt your phone vibrating.

“Hey Jiwon, what’s up?” you asked as soon as you answered the phone.

“You’re still in the theater hall? We're backstage, you want to carpool with us?” she asked.

“If there’s space sure, I’m with Minju by the way,” you answered.

“Of course she can come — oh right! We’re having a house party at our place after this, want to come?” Jiwon said with excitement.

You glanced at Minju before separating your phone from your ears. “Hey, they’re having a house party at Jiwon’s place, you want to come?”

“Yeah I’m good, but can we please change our outfits? I want to look presentable,” Minju begs. She was wearing a baggy shirt and black slacks, a semi-formal combination which made you chuckle softly.

“Yeah, I think I need to take a short shower too,” you commented before returning to Jiwon. “Hey, we’ll just meet you at the party, I need to take a short shower while Minju wants to drop her camera at our dorm.”

“Alright, just let me know if you guys are on your way, the party’s exclusive, so a pass is required.” and with that, she hangs up. You let out a small chuckle before glancing at Minju.

“Let’s go have dinner first, I’m kinda starving,” you suggested as you two decided that it’s not crowded for you to leave.

“Yeah, so do I — anyways, let’s just drink moderately tonight.” Minju added, in which you agreed.

True to Jiwon’s words, the party was indeed exclusive.

You’ve noticed the small crowd of people outside. Some are complaining how the party is for “Decelis Students” only. You didn’t even know that there was a party not until an hour ago. The details were probably given in secret.

You’ve texted Jiwon earlier that you’re on your way to their place. As you reached their gate, she was standing outside, holding her phone. You called out her name hoping that it’ll reach her despite the loud noise inside.

Jiwon immediately notices you and smiles, approaching you two, and giving you and Minju a hug.

“I’m glad that you two are here!” she excitedly said, eyeing you and Minju. “Nice outfit by the way.”

You only gave her your thanks as she ushered you two inside their house — and there it was.

A party to celebrate Arcanum’s debut. A house party filled with loud music, alcohol, and heat. The decorations were on point. Neon lights filled the place along with some balloons and party strings. You know that their parents are always away, so it’s not a surprise that they manage to throw a house party.

“You really went all out Jiwon,” you told her, who only smiled as you followed her towards the kitchen where the food and drinks were placed.

“Cocktails? Beers? What do you want? Food? We have pizza and chicken poppers too!” the older girl excitedly said, making you glance at Minju.

“We’ll have the beer, thank you so much,” Minju only said. Jiwon grabs some cold bottles from the cooler, opening it for the two of you.

“Arcanum will perform around eight, you guys can wander anywhere and I’ll give you guys the privilege to go upstairs, just tell Sunoo and Jake that you’re with me,” Jiwon winks before leaving you two there alone.

You and Minju decided to just stay in the kitchen, stuffing yourself with food and beer while talking about the most random topics that you two could ever think about while judging the strangers passing by. Despite being an exclusive party, the place was still pretty crowded.

Suddenly, the music stopped in the middle of your conversation. Both you and Minju glanced at the living room when you heard screaming from the crowd.

“Hey Decelis, we’re back,” a familiar voice echoed through the huge house. That’s when you and Minju decided to go to the living and there they were.

Set up in the middle of the living room was Arcanum. A smile on their face as they greet their fellow students. They’re met with nostalgia and fulfillment as they stand in front of the crowd.

“First of all, let me just give you all a short trivia about Arcanum and this place,” Heeseung started. “Let’s just say this place holds a lot of memories for our band. This place served as a space for us to practice our gigs and songs. Not only that, we laughed, cried, composed songs, and got passed-out drunk in this place. So it’s right that we celebrate our debut with a homecoming party here.”

A few “awww” and claps enamored in the crowd, they were cheering for Arcanum and the members only smiled at the thought that there’s an overwhelming support from their alma mater.

They all feel fulfilled. From performing earlier at the theater hall up to performing in front of their schoolmates inside the house that served as their practice room for years, the band couldn’t help but to be grateful for everyone.

“Yeah, yeah, enough with the sappy shits, we’re here to party!” Jay interrupted, and the first strum of his electric guitar earned cheers from the crowd. They immediately controlled the crowd with a familiar song that hit the students with nostalgia.

You and Minju only stood there watching them despite having to watch them earlier at the showcase. Compared to their performance back then, the Arcanum in front of you is much more laid-back. Chill and free like it’s just their typical gig at The Rabbit Hole. It made sense that they’re more free when it’s just them performing in front of their fellow students.

Your eyes focused on Jungwon who’s too focused with the drums. Eyebrows scrunched yet expression laid back as he syncs along the beat, heavy and loud making him tilt his head upwards like he’s feeling the music.

“I want you guys to sing along!” Heeseung shouted before he started singing the chorus. The crowd follows him, even Minju was screaming along the lyrics while you stood there, eyes never taking Jungwon off.

The heavy feeling of seeing him earlier at the showcase, debuting as a musician, you couldn’t help but to feel a soft hitch on your heart. He’s out there finally achieving your dreams while you’re still far away from yours.

You’re not thinking about your rivalry with him at those moments. All you knew was that your heart was screaming how much you’re proud of him. Despite all the chaos you had to endure of interviewing the band the past few weeks, you couldn’t help but feel a small win — their article also felt like a big break for you.

That’s why for once you let loose. You sang along to their songs, danced along with Minju, and drank as much beer as your tolerance could handle. It’s not surprising that you ended up a little bit tipsy by the end of Arcanum’s performance. Everyone was applauding for them as they took a final bow before greeting the crowd.

You and Minju decided to escape the crowd, the music started once again and the living room’s became pretty too crowded, partygoers had entered more than what it’s capacitated, so you and Minju went back to the less crowded kitchen to stuff yourself some food once again while talking about Arcanum’s performance.

“I’m glad that we went here,” Minju said, making you glance at her. “Yeah me too,” you only smiled.

“We seldom have time to party, and now that we’re going to be much busier this year, I don’t know if I can handle more,” Minju started, making both of you fall into silence.

“Right, it’s going to be a hard year huh?” you laughed, making your best friend laugh too. Minju only raised her beer and so you clanked your beer against her before chugging it until the last drop.

“Should we try their mysterious cocktail drinks?” Minju suggested, eyeing on the huge pitcher towers that’s color red and blue.

“Why not?” you agreed, grabbing clean red cups and pouring you two some drinks.

“Minju, hey,” the two of you turned when someone tapped your best friend’s shoulder, only to see a co-senior of yours, you forgot his name, but he looked nervous, almost embarrassed by the thought of standing in front of you two.

“Hi,” your best friend greets, you can see how Minju’s expression softens, almost blushing — you raise an eyebrow as you observe them.

“Uhm…can we talk? Maybe somewhere not noisy?” he mustered up the courage and you almost laughed on the spot because of how he stumbled on his own words.

“Well,” Minju glances at you, and you immediately catch it.

“It’s okay! Go on, I’ll be here Minju, or maybe upstairs, just text me okay?” you assured.

“You sure?”

“Babe, I know this place like the back of my hand, I’ll be safe here,” you assured, then you leaned against her and quietly handed her a sharp knife keychain you keep in your pockets. “Just making sure you’re safe.”

Minju only smiles at you before agreeing to him. You watched as Minju leaves with the boy. He seems to be really interested in her, so you let it be. Smiling because it might be your best friend’s potential love life.

It left you standing there awkwardly by the kitchen counter, sipping on the mysterious cocktail that tastes like sweetened pineapple with a tequila aftertaste. For a moment, you let the silence engulf you, too much overwhelmed by the crowd in the living room but when silence has been too noisy for you, that’s when you decided to step out of the kitchen — only to be bumped by someone.

“Y/n?”

Your eyes widened in surprise before a smile formed on your lips, “oh my god, Dohoon! How are you?” you excitedly said as you hugged Dohoon who only reciprocates your action.

“Good, all good, how about you Ms. Editor-in-Chief?” he smiled as the two of you broke out of the hug.

“Well I’m doing great too, Mr. Soccer Team Captain,” you teased back.

“I can’t believe that this is where we’ll see each other,” Dohoon said in disbelief and you only nod.

“Yeah, me too,” you only said, smiling at him as you took a sip from your cup.

You decided to stay inside the kitchen to accompany Dohoon who ditches his friend in the living room because he was hungry. You two ended up catching up after years of not seeing each other, which is funny because you two go to the same university but never saw each other. But it feels nice to hear how he has been, and it relieves you that he managed to save you from the awkward loneliness inside the party.

You’re too busy talking to Dohoon that you failed to notice that Jungwon has been standing from afar, watching as you and Dohoon laughed and talked to each other like you two didn’t have a past.

His sight darkens. Jungwon couldn’t believe that you had the guts to do it in his house. His eyes blinding with jealousy as the red cup on his hand tightens, almost spilling juices on his hands.

Jungwon gulps the cocktail from his cup, hoping that his jealousy might be washed off from the thirst, while his eyes never left yours — stomach knotting in an indescribable yet annoying feeling.

Jungwon knows he doesn’t have the right to feel that way, but he can't help it when his feelings have a strong control over him. He even tried to look away, but when he noticed from his peripheral vision that Dohoon leaned against you, his feet moved out of instinct.

“Excuse me —” you two stopped when Jungwon stood in front of you two. “You two are in the way.”

Dohoon was the first one to realise that you two are by the cocktail counter. “Oh, sorry about that dude, congrats on your debut by the way.”

“Thanks,” Jungwon only said, not even batting an eye at the other male.

“Rude,” you mumbled under your breath.

“What’s rude is that you two are on the way to the cocktail counter,” Jungwon fumed.

Dohoon seems to be taken back by Jungwon’s tone. Not trying to push further, he only gives you a small smile before he said, “it’s good to see you y/n again, let’s catch up sometime? Maybe have some tacos and burritos?”

“Just like before? Of course!” you excitedly said.

“Great, great, just set the date, and we’ll make it work,” Dohoon smiles before he bids goodbye to you. You waved back at him and as you watched him disappear into the crowd, Jungwon laughed mockingly which made you glare at him.

“You’re not a great host aren’t you?” you mocked Jungwon.

“And you’re flirting at my house,” Jungwon pointed out, taking a sip on his cup. “This is my party, you know? Why are you even here?”

“Jiwon invited me, you think I went here for you? Keep dreaming Won.”

“Well, I was hoping that you’ll show a little gratitude for me since I saved your ass by letting you interview the band for your article.”

“Oh right, almost forgot that, now if you excuse me, I’ll go look for Heeseung and thank him for agreeing with the interview.” you sarcastically replied, and before you could move, Jungwon had cornered over you.

Your heart started beating fast, surprised that Jungwon’s almost an inch closer to your face. His eyes were dark and glaring, and you only stood there, not knowing where to go as the counter against your back was cold.

“Can’t believe you have the audacity to flirt with that guy,” he blurted out and his words struck you.

“Holy shit, are you jealous Yang Jungwon?” you snickered, smiling devilishly. “Why would you even be jealous of Dohoon? You don’t have the right to be jealous of him,” dainty fingers pointing at his chest until you shove him out of the way — and surprisingly, he lets you be.

You exit the kitchen, ignoring Jungwon’s stabbing glare, as you enter the overcrowded living room. There weren’t enough to even pass by. Hot, sweaty bodies stuck together like glue, touching your arms and making you wince as you excuse yourself from the crowd. Some were still sane to give way while others were too rough to care.

“Shit!’ you cursed as someone’s drinks spilled on your blouse, they didn’t even notice that they bumped into you, probably too intoxicated. The cold, sticky alcohol spread on your body made you groan in annoyance.

You managed to squeeze your way out of the crowd, just one second of bursting out of frustration because it was your favorite blouse, now it’s stained with red juice and it’ll be hard for you to remove it.

“Oh my god, y/n are you okay?” you didn’t notice Jiwon approaching you, eyes glued on your disastrous blouse.

“Yeah, the crowd's too rough and someone spilled on me,” you only replied, not even batting an eye at them.

“Go borrow some clothes from my closet, you can stay there too if you want I don’t mind,” she suggested, and you only nod to her words.

“Thank you Jiwon.” you defeatedly said.

“No worries! I saw Minju is still talking with some guy outside, want me to tell her your whereabouts?” she offered and you only shook your head, not wanting to ruin your best friend or Jiwon’s night.

You climbed upstairs, greeting the guys that were there. You’re familiar with them and they seem to know that you’re close with the Yang siblings so they let you further down the hallway.

You went inside Jiwon’s room. The walls painted baby pink and clean, smelling like the floral perfume she wears, and the silence only made you heave out a relieved sigh.

You began unbuttoning your blouse, discarding it and going towards the small bathroom inside her room. Washing off the stickiness that stuck on your skin as your eyes darted on your white bra, stained with red juice too. Great. Not only your favorite blouse is ruined, but also one of your newly-bought bras too.

As you exit the bathroom, you jump out a mile when you see Jungwon sitting on Jiwon’s bed. Turning around and looking at you — noticing how his eyes darted down on your chest.

“What the fuck — get out!?” you shouted, covering your bra but Jungwon seems to be unfazed by it.

“Quit acting like I didn’t see you in a bikini top,” Jungwon teased.

You only rolled your eyes, “yeah that was five years ago when we were still friends — what the fuck are you even doing here? Get the hell out?”

Jungwon tilts his head amusingly, “we’re in our house, I can do anything I want.”

“Jungwon, seriously, get out or —”

“Here,” he said, and in a split second you managed to catch the thing he threw — a shirt of his. You only stare at it, cheeks heating up as you find the gesture sweet.

“You okay? You look like you’re about to cry earlier,” Jungwon said with a teasing tone, and the flustered feeling was immediately replaced with annoyance.

“If you’re here to make fun of me, just get out,” you said. Throwing his shirt on the floor and going towards Jiwon’s closet. You opened the door where hundreds of shirts are folded neatly, you chose to pick up the first one on top when you felt a figure hovering over you.

“Jungwon,” you warned, feeling his body way too close to yours. “Whatever you’re doing, fuck off.”

“You’re the one who’s assuming that I’ll do something,” Jungwon taunted, and slowly, he leaned down near your ear. “If you want me to, you’ll have to beg for it.”

You only rolled your eyes, but you can’t deny that there’s a heavy tension between the two of you. Jungwon’s right arm stretches on the side, trapping you one-sided which means he’s giving you the chance to walk away.

But you didn’t. You stood there frozen as you clutched on the shirt tightly. Deep inside the fire’s burning, your curiosity is fighting your pride along with your yearning. A simple touch from him, and you’ll feel like your knees will weaken.

“Beg?” you mockingly asked, turning around to face him with a prideful expression. “I’d rather die than to beg.”

“But you’re blushing babe,” Jungwon pointed out and that’s when you pushed him away. Large strides going towards the door when the male pushes it close. You didn’t even stand a chance against his strength.

“Come on, I’m just playing with you,” and you don’t know what’s got into Jungwon, all you know is that he reeks of alcohol and probably tipsy with his words. He’s close again. Way too close. And that only hitches your breath. Heart beating fast as the tension between you grew heavier.

“What do you even want, Jungwon,” you shouldn’t have said, you know what it meant. An invitation, a rhetorical question because both of you know where it leads.

“You.”

You froze there when his lips landed on the side of your neck. Nibbling and leaving trails of his soft lips, both of his hands made their way to your waist, holding onto your soft skin as you held onto your breath.

“I’m not going to play with your games Jungwon,” you only said, eyes closing as you pray internally that he leaves you be.

“Who said I’m playing with you?” he taunted between his kisses.

“You just fucking said it earlier.” you said with gritted teeth.

“And what if I’m serious right now?” Jungwon answered with a serious tone.

You weren’t able to say anything, you only stood there as Jungwon’s lips continued playing around your shoulder area.

“You want this too, you know?” he smirks behind you. “Because if you really don’t, you would’ve pushed me away. Cursed me, and left me hard and wanting for you.”

You didn’t answer his words, because he’s right — you’re just too prideful to admit it. You let him be, let his hands explore your body and lips leave marks on your skin.

You don’t know what happened, but the next thing you knew, he turned you around and his lips were on yours.

Hungry. Craving. Jungwon’s devouring your lips like he’s been thirsting it for years. The years of his lingering feelings for you all burst out that night.

And so was yours. Because you kissed him back. Your lips locked on that infuriating asshole who used to be your other half now turned rival in everything because fuck, you’ve been yearning for it too.

Your heart and mind were battling each other while your lips produced soft noises against Jungwon’s. Everything about it feels wrong, especially when you shouldn’t be going down with him.

You should’ve pushed him away, cursed at his face and left the place — but instead, your hands found its way on Jungwon’s hair, tugging on it harshly as his lips bites down on your lower lips, sucking at the skin while his hands squeezed your waist tighter.

“In the end, you’ll give in too,” Jungwon smirks, both hands lifting you as he carries you towards the bed. Slamming you down with a soft thud, back hitting against the mattress while Jungwon quickly crawled over you, pulling you to another aggressive kiss as his knees pushed in between your thighs.

“Fuck you Jungwon,” you could only breathe.

“We’ll get to that babe,” Jungwon taunted before he pressed his lips against yours once again.

Eyes closed, you lost yourself to Jungwon as the male started exploring your body. Rough, calloused hands feeling every exposed skin of yours until it drafts on your face, cupping your jawline as he separates from your lips.

His lips trailed down on your neck, tilting your head for space as he began sucking the soft skin of yours. A breathy moan escapes your lips as Jungwon never stopped. Neck, collarbone, and even above your chest. Until everything is purple and marked like he has always wanted to do you for years.

“Mine,” he mumbled, barely hearing it before he lifted you to reach your back and unclasped your strap, only hovering it upwards and started fondling your firm breasts, fitting on his hands like a glove.

“You should see yourself, writhing underneath me,” Jungwon spoke before he latches his mouth on one of your hardened nipples. Biting harshly making you yelp in pain as his hot, warm tongue played around it.

“Asshole,” you mumbled against your moans as Jungwon continued the act. Sucking harshly on your nipples.

“This asshole is going to fuck you hard tonight,” he taunted. “Going to make you forget everything we had, until the only thing you can remember is how my cock fits inside you perfectly.”

And those words only made you whimper as Jungwon’s hips moved against his own, grinding his clothed cock against yours. The rough friction of his pants against your panty were harsh yet it threw a tease for you two.

“You want it?” he teased. “You're gonna need your words babe.”

“Dream on Jungwon,” you replied with a gritted teeth. You’re still holding onto your pride. Your mind trying to rationalize that this is still wrong but fuck, your arousal’s starting to heat and the way Jungwon’s hips grind against you just gives you the urge to give in.

“Your body says otherwise,” he grins, hands in between your thighs as he cups it despite the layered clothes. Whistling teasingly as his thumb somehow finds the spot, making you let out a small mewl which made Jungwon chuckle deeply.

“Jungwon —”

“Come on, while I’m still being nice babe,” he coos, hand pressing against it. “You don’t want me being mean don’t you?”

And despite all the teasing, you still won’t give in. “Go. Fuck. Yourself.”

The next thing you knew, his hands were cupping your face tightly while the other hand landed a harsh slap in between your thighs, making you let out a loud yelp.

“What do I expect, you’ve always been a brat y/n,” he sneered. “But don’t worry babe, I’m going to fuck that attitude out of you.”

Jungwon didn’t waste any time. Harshly, he lifts up your skirt and kneed your legs wider, thanking you internally for giving him easier access. He looks at your clothed cunt, seeing the wet patch in the middle, he couldn’t help but to chuckle darkly as the tent inside him became more visible, begging to be freed.

He leans against you once again, cupping your cheeks harshly as his lips crash on yours once again. Rough and forcing as his tongue swipes down your lips, fingers pressing the side making you whine loudly — giving Jungwon the opportunity to insert his tongue at you.

A shaky breath was all you could do as your hands finds it way towards Jungwon’s hair, tugging it harshly but instead of pulling him away from you, you could only hold on his hair for leverage, because as much as you know that this is wrong, you eventually gave in and want more of it.

Your words fell flat the moment you let yourself indulge into the act. You find yourself moaning as you kiss him back, tongue battling against his as you tug his hair harder, making Jungwon moan against your lips.

“See, you want this too, don’t you?” he laughs as he breaks out from the kiss. Calloused hands finding its way in between your thigh once again, just its light feathering made you let out a loudest sound inside the room. His finger fiddled with your panty’s waistband, tugging it until he had access to your cunt.

“Fuck already wet for me? You’re getting wet for your rival? See that, what will your pride say about you?”

You didn’t response to his words, but instead, you tugged his hair harder that he pulled away backwards — and he only laughs at your action because Jungwon fucking loves how you’re too prideful to not give in so you let your actions speak.

And so does Jungwon, because he’s planning to make you give in to him that night. His fingers trailed against the lips of your core. It's wet and pulsating and it only sends chills towards the man. Hearing you holding back your moan, as he dips it further, sliding in and out like he was teasing you.

Jungwon finds your entrance, fingertips swirling against it and you unknowingly bucked your hips against it.

He slid one finger inside, curling and pumping inside as your walls hugged his finger, eager for pleasure while his curiosity lingered so much. Pumping twice before he removes his finger and decides to lick your musk out of his fingers.

“Fuck,” Jungwon moans loudly, he wanted it. He can feel his dick twitching at your taste. He wanted to taste more of you that in a second, he’s kneeling in front of you, removing your panties completely and throwing it somewhere.

It didn’t occur to you that Jungwon had dipped his head in between your thighs. Not until he licks your pussy in one large stripe, and fuck, Jungwon groans heavenly. Why do you taste so fucking good? He couldn’t help but to bury himself against your pussy as he continued to lick your entrance. Tongue protruding as he sucks it harshly, moaning against it while his hands grab both your thighs to stabilize you.

“Jungwon!” you let out a scream as he focused on your clit. That little bud that had you writhing under his touch. Jungwon grazes his teeth against it, a curse escapes your lips as you look down and makes eye contact with Jungwon — leaving you in daze.

He stared at you like a curious cat while he busied his mouth on your clit. Giving it kitty licks slow and teasing that it had you holding onto your breath.

“Look how easy you fell for me babe,” he smiled, giving your pussy soft kisses before devouring you once again.

“Stop — Jungwon,” you mewled as you can feel your stomach tightening, your grip against the bedsheets tightens as Jungwon didn’t stop but instead, he became faster and rougher that another moan escapes your lips.

You can feel your orgasm building up, you couldn’t help but to cry as you buck your hips upward to meet Jungwon’s tongue. It’s right there, everything just feels so good and you’re just in the right momentum —

Not until Jungwon stops, separating himself from your cunt dying down your orgasm, and leaving you sensitive and wanting. A whiny cry was all you can do as you watch him unbuckle his belt.

“You think I’ll let you cum babe?” he smirks at you. You can see his messed up face filled with your slick. “I’m not that easy.”

And instead of fighting back, your mouth lets out a small whine making him chuckle harder.

“You’ll get to cum with my dick, you want that?” he said and you weren’t able to say another word. Jungwon frees his huge dick. Angry red and twitching, almost sensitive as he strokes it lightly while he approaches you like a predator.

“Come on, use your words,” he ordered.

“Yes,” you whimpered in defeat, and that obviously had glistened something lustful in Jungwon’s stare.

Jungwon hovered against you, breath steady as he aligned his hard cock on your entrance. A soft whimper escapes your lips as his tip glides up and down on your sensitive cunt. You hold onto his shoulder as Jungwon pushes his cock inside, sliding with ease as your walls welcome it.

“You’re so tight,” Jungwon moaned before he started moving his hips. “So fucking tight for me, your pussy’s sucking me like it doesn’t want my cock to leave you.”

Tears started to fall from your eyes. Breathy moans escaping your lips as Jungwon continued to thrust harshly, rough almost bruising your hips, holding it with his firm hands. You could only take his cock whole, filling you full and reaching your deepest parts.

“Oh my god — Jungwon —” you stifled a moan when Jungwon reached down and started playing with your tits once again. Fondling and biting the erected bud while his hips never stopped its movement. It only led you to becoming more sensitive. Too fucked-up to sink in that Jungwon, your sworn rival is fucking you hard.

“Look at you babe, already fucked-up? Whoever thought you'd be dumb when a cock’s pounding inside you?” Jungwon teases, thrust sharp and calculated, every slide stabs your cervix, gliding through your spot that tears continue to flow.

“What a gorgeous mess,” he whispered to himself as Jungwon wiped the tears trailing down your cheeks. “A crying mess for me, want me to ruin you more?”

You weren’t able to answer his question when he started to pound inside you once again, earning shaking whines from you, legs wanting to escape his hold but Jungwon’s too strong for you. He holds you tightly underneath, expression proud and ego swelling to see you ruined under him.

“Answer my question,” Jungwon commanded. “Come on, you can still make up some words slut, or are you too fucked out to say because of my cock?”

You writhe from his touch, “please —” you stuttered out. It’s the only thing you could think of, especially when you’re on the edge of orgasm. As much as you hated your situation, you also wanted to at least get something from it.

“Beg harder babe, I’m not that easy.”

“Fuck, ruined me Jungwon! Do whatever you want!” you shouted, and that only gave him the signal to thrust harder, harsher that his fingernails are dipping hard on the flesh of your thighs.

“Oh don’t worry babe,” he grins at you. “I have every intention of ruining you.”

“Jungwon —” a whimper escapes your lips as you can feel your stomach churning, “please I want to cum.”

“That’s what I want from you,” Jungwon sneered. “Begging to cum? Can’t do that without me? Since I’m being good, you can cum babe. Show me that you’ve cum because of me.”

His thrust became sharper, stabbing the right spot endlessly that it’s slowly coiling your insides, your walls becoming tight, hugging Jungwon’s cock and making him groan out of pleasure. Your warm flesh trapping his dick as he fucks you continuously.

You cum silently. Body shaking, tears falling as a muted cry escaped your lips, eyes shut as Jungwon continued his movement. Fucking you through orgasm until your pushing him away.

“Stop — please,” you only begged but your words didn’t even reach Jungwon’s ears. He mercilessly pounded on you until he could feel his dick twitching, and body becoming hotter.

“Fuck —” Jungwon pulls out in a second, hands stroking his dick as he washed through his orgasm. Painting you with his cum, traces of semen tainting your body just like what Jungwon had intended.

You took deep breaths, body slowly coming down as you felt yourself weary and tired, eyes drowsy like Jungwon had sucked all your energy out. It didn’t help that you had a tiring day too, that’s why you couldn’t help but to close your eyes for a moment.

But in a minute, you felt Jungwon’s arms grabbing you by your hips, too tired to fight back you only let out a small whimper when he flipped your body, stomach pressing against the sheets as you felt his body hovering over you.

“Tapping out so early? Come on, we only had one round,” Jungwon taunted, before slapping your ass cheeks, making you moan quietly.

“Fine, get some rest babe,” he defeated, planting a kiss on your temple before he moved near your ears. “But I’m not done yet with you, we’re just getting started.”

You woke up with your head throbbing and body aching.

A loud groan escapes from your lips as you sit up from the bed — that’s when you realized that the walls were navy blue and the interiors were different.

You’re in Jungwon’s room alone. You remembered last night’s chaos, and you find yourself wearing the shirt Jungwon had given you along with some large boxers. You glanced at the bedside and saw your ruined clothes folded, that’s when it reminded you of last night’s disaster.

You couldn’t even remember what happened after. All you know was that you and Jungwon had sex, and if he had fucked you again after, you didn’t care at all. All you wanted was to get the hell out of his room.

You grabbed your phone beside your clothes, opening it to see any notifications. But one notification stands out from the rest. A few missed calls from a classmate of yours. You couldn’t help but to press her number once again and after a few rings, she answered it.

“Oh my gosh y/n, please tell me you’re on your way!”

You furrowed your eyebrows, “on my way? what do you mean?”

“Did you read the groupchat? The interview was moved to today at 10 am! They had a last minute announcement last night. I know the party was last night but did Jungwon inform you?”

“Wait — are you serious?” you asked, stumbling down on your own feet, you can feel your heart rapidly beating fast. “Why — why would they even move it to today!?”

“I don’t know either! It still hasn’t started yet, but I feel like you can make it, just go!”

The call ended and you can feel your heart beating fast. You glanced at your phone and it’s nine-twenty am. The supreme court’s half an hour away and if you’re fast, you can make it with just a few minutes of tardiness.

But you’re unprepared. You haven’t had practice yet, and you know you couldn’t go to an interview unprepared. It’ll mess up your mind. You don’t even have any of the requirements with you. Your mind’s still throbbing and the remnants of last night’s alcohol is dried up on your throat.

Yet, you’re desperate. You need to get on that interview — you badly need to secure it or else, your future will crumble.

“Fuck it,” that’s the only you could say as you left Jungwon’s room. You didn’t care to find his whereabouts. Hurriedly, you went towards the room in front of you, knocking so loudly that you know you’re disturbing their sleep.

“Y/n —”

“Jiwon, I’m sorry, I know it’s too early in the morning but they moved the interview for the internship today and I need to go there right now! I just need some clothes and can I borr—”

“Calm down yn, calm down, I’ll lend you some of my smart casuals and heels. Do you want to wash up for a few minutes? Or —”

“I just need to be there before ten or maybe a few minutes late, Jiwon, you know how important this is to me.” you cried, voice almost pleading.

“Don’t worry babe, go! Wash up at least, I’ll wake Heeseung up to drive you to the supreme court, I’ll prepare the clothes,” Jiwon instructed, giving you the signal to go to the bathroom.

After washing up for a short time, patting some light makeup, and changing into clothes Jiwon lent to you, the two of you scrambled downstairs. That’s when you noticed that their other friends stayed over to sleep in the living room. All are in their daydream, not even noticing the chaos you brought so early in the morning.

On the way towards the supreme court, you couldn’t help but to bite onto your nails. The music coming from the speaker wasn’t helping at all. You’re nervous, and it’s stressing you out. Your heart is going to burst any moment and it’s no help that it’s already ten in the morning.

You don’t know what to blame. The program for the sudden change of schedule or you who didn’t bother opening her phone last night because you’re too busy with Jungwon. You wanted to curse yourself too. If you have pushed him away, then maybe you could’ve seen the announcement.

“Relax y/n,” Jiwon softly smiled. “Don’t cry now, it’ll ruin your mascara.”

“What if I fuck up Ji?” you nervously replied.

“No you will not,” the older female assured. “You can ace this one!”

“I hope so,” you only said with a worried tone. “This is a life and death situation.”

You arrived at the Supreme Court an hour later. It didn’t help that the traffic was jam-packed that day. Parking on the side, you could only scream your gratitude towards the couple before scurrying your way inside the building.

“Good luck!” Jiwon shouted, not minding that you didn’t turn around to wave back to them.

Heeseung drove away as soon as you entered the building, passing by the hundreds of cars parked outside, as Jiwon darted her attention on the view outside.

“Babe, isn’t that your family car?” Heeseung asked out of blue. Jiwon glanced at the direction of Heeseung’s stare and was surprised to see a familiar red car parked nearby. Jiwon’s eyes followed through it, squinted hard to read the plate.

“Huh?” Jiwon muttered. “What the hell is Jungwon doing here?”

You were walking fast inside the empty hallway. Catching your breath as you turned left and you immediately saw your classmates by the waiting area. As soon as they saw you, they were surprised but a sorry look was all they could give — that’s when you knew.

“It’s finished,” it was the only thing they could say as soon as you approached them. That’s when you felt your heart crashing into thousands of pieces.

“Seriously?” you asked, hoping that it’s not true and the interview is still on-going. You were begging inside. Please. Just one chance.

“Yeah, they had deliberated who they’re going to choose, it was a quick process that’s why it’s a bit unfair too.” another one commented.

“Is it really finished? Seriously? What the hell, that’s unfair!” you frustratedly shouted, and they could only agree with you.

They explained to you that the other sections also weren’t able to get the interview. What all they can agree on is that the court was busy, that's why they couldn’t spare time interviewing interns.

“If that’s the reason, why did they even open the program in the first place?” you complained, and they could only agree with your worries. Exclaiming their frustrations while you’re still processing the thought.

“Who got the slot?” you asked suddenly.

All of them looked at each other wary, before answering. “Jungwon got it.”

There it was. Like a bullet straight to your heart. You can feel yourself tensing up, mind blanking as his name came out of their name.

No way.

“He told me…he’s not going to try because he’s going to be busy —” then it hit you. Like a knife deepening on your chest.

Jungwon lied to you. He cheated his way towards the internship. He made you confident that you’ll get the slot when he forfeited.

He swore a promise to you and he broke it. Yang Jungwon broke his promise to you.

He probably knew last night that the schedule was changed, but he didn’t tell you about it, and instead distracted you and lured you to where you are right now. He sabotaged everything that you’ve prepared for.

“Where is he?”

“I think he went to the restroom, it’s on the other side of the hallway.”

“Excuse me.”

Your footsteps were heavy, heels clicking and making noise against the marbled tiles. Your heart was fuming with anger and betrayal, your mind was filled with nothing but a mouthful of curses and thinking how big of an asshole Jungwon was.

And beneath those, your hands are shaking and lips are trembling. You can feel your eyes starting to get watery and you’re holding it back — you’re not going to cry because of Yang Jungwon. No fucking way.

And there he was. You can feel your heart stop as he looks at you, bored expression and relaxed with his hands on his slacks pocket — and that pisses you even more. Hurriedly, you strided over him, grabbed him by the collars and pushed him against the wall as your raging eyes stared at him.

“You told me, you’re not going to join the internship — you promised me!” your shout echoed against the empty hallway. Your tears started to flow while Jungwon remained cold with his stare.

“How does it feel? Getting betrayed by your best friend? Getting lied to by them? Hurts right?” Jungwon asked instead, tone filled with bitterness. Like he’s been bottling his years of resentment to you.

You looked at him confused. For a moment, you didn’t understand what Jungwon meant. Too stunned with the fact that he broke his promise — then it hit you. The years of him beating you at every competition. Your rivalry with him, the neverending game of each other’s pride. It all makes sense now.

“Is this because I rejected you? You’re still hung up about it? Jungwon, that was years ago!” you shouted at him.

“It’s not about the fact that you rejected me, it’s the fact that you dated Dohoon weeks after you rejected me!” Jungwon shouted back, and that made you freeze.

The hand on his collar loosened, realizing that he had found out. Jungwon looks at you with the same stare that he had given you when you rejected him. Eyes wide and angry, while the bitterness dripped on his tongue, like he was holding it back for years.

“You think I don’t know? You think you can hide from me that Dohoon asked you out a week before graduation? Why didn’t you think I confessed to you all of the sudden? And then you fucking lied to me that you’ll prioritize your study — only for you two to officially become a couple a week after graduation.” Jungwon argued.

“Jungwon, I don’t want to hurt you —”

“You hurt me more when you lied to me, I can accept it y/n if you don’t have feelings for me!”

“I’m sorry Jungwon, I was young and I was just so scared of losing you.”

“Well, you already did. I’m your best friend y/n, I’ll understand if that’s all you see in me, but you chose to hide it from me,” Jungwon sighed.

“I didn’t mean to hurt you, and I’m sorry that I was so oblivious about your feelings to me,” you confessed. “I’m sorry Jungwon, I really am. Whatever Dohoon and I had, it’s just a passing feeling. It didn’t even last that long, because throughout, all I could think of is that I hurt you.”

“It’s too late y/n, the damage has been done.”

“Did I really hurt you that much? Were you hurting so much that all you can think of was competing against me?” you bitterly asked.

“Yes,” Jungwon coldly replied. “You think this is just something silly? I have loved you since we were kids y/n, don’t you know that? Why are you so oblivious to my feelings for you?”

“I don’t know!” you shouted back. “And I’m sorry if I was too oblivious to notice, but did it really have to go this far Jungwon? You promised me! And I know you Jungwon, you never break promises but all for it was just an act so that you can get back to me!”

“Maybe you don’t know me anymore y/n, we’re not friends anymore y/n, have you forgotten that?”

You stopped. Realization hitting you that he’s right. You two aren’t friends anymore. He’s your sworn rival now. Nothing more, nothing less. The small hope that you’re holding on — the one that you wanted to hold on until your hands bleed finally decided to let go at that moment.

“So, this is my karma for breaking your heart.” you started, looking at him with glassy eyes and trembling lips. “Happy now? Seems like you're satisfied that you’ve ruined the only opportunity for me to get into law school.”

You saw how Jungwon’s eyes widened. Of course, he doesn’t know about this part, and it felt just right not to tell him — even if it means ruining some opportunities for you. Jungwon didn’t say a word. For the first time ever, he wasn’t able to articulate words when tears started to form on your eyes.

“I quit Jungwon, you won, congratulations, I hope you got what you wanted,” you only said. And with that, you walked away from him. While he stood there, watching you disappear from his sight — just like before.

Quietly, Jungwon went home with a heavy heart.

The once noisy and crowded house is now filled with silence that felt so eerie as he entered the living room. Everything’s clean now and back to the way it was. Except, Jiwon’s by the couch, watching some series and as soon as her younger brother is within her vicinity, she closes the television.

“Yang Jungwon,” Jiwon said with a serious tone, standing up which made Jungwon stop.

“Not now noona —”

“What you did was wrong,” she crosses her arms, tone cold and serious, and Jungwon hates it. It was rare for his older sister to be this angry. “So wrong, you destroyed y/n’s dreams, are you happy now?”

“So you’re siding with her?” Jungwon scoffed.

“I am siding with no one, but what you did was too much,” Jiwon pointed out. “You could’ve just — I don’t know, break her heart the same way she broke yours but this one? You don’t even care about law school! You’re in a band Jungwon, but y/n? She needs that internship because it’s her stepping stone on becoming a lawyer, and you just stole it from her.”

Frustrated, Jungwon could help but to shout. “Rub it on my face, go on! I was a jerk, an asshole I admit it!”

“Oh I will because I didn’t teach you to be a selfish jerk Jungwon!” Jiwon shouted back. “I didn’t mind that petty competition you and y/n have, I thought that it’s just an academic thing but this has gone too far! Why do you have to do that Jungwon?”

Jungwon falls under a deep silence. He doesn’t know. Really. He doesn’t know why he did it. He thought it’ll ease the grudge that he was holding against you. But it only felt like he had broken your heart once again.

“She hurt me noona.” That was the only thing he could say.

“Unintentionally, she didn’t know about your feelings, and you’re the one who walked away first from your friendship.”

“She lied to me, how many times do I have to tell you that? She told me that she’ll be prioritizing her studies only to find out that she’s dating someone.” Jungwon argued back.

“And she regrets it,” Jiwon countered. “Everyday, she wished that she didn’t date Dohoon because she realized that she’s just infatuated with him, and all she can think about is how it ruined her friendship with you. Do you even know that there’s not a day where she still wishes to be friends again with you?”

“You think that’ll make me feel better?”

“It should be Jungwon, because I’m giving you reasons, but you, you’re still holding onto your grudge and pride. Jungwon, nothing will happen if you keep holding onto that. You’ll just keep on blocking every opportunity for you to mend your relationship with y/n,” Jiwon lets out a deep sigh before approaching her younger brother.

“You’re not blocking her because you don’t want your feelings to get hurt again. It’s just that you don’t want your pride to be stepped on again.”

Jungwon didn’t rebut his sister’s words. Too frustrated to answer back because Jiwon’s right. It’s not about his feelings anymore. It’s about his pride — it’ll only ruin him to lower his pride especially when he’s the one who started it in the first place.

Until the very end, he chose his pride but after everything, it didn’t feel like he won at all. It felt useless for him.

“I’m going to y/n, just stay here and don’t do anything stupid.” Jiwon excuses, glancing at Jungwon who only had his head low.

With the small shut of the door, Jungwon was met with nothing but utter silence that killed him slowly.

Outside the house, Jiwon lets out a breathy sigh. Disappointment written all over her face as she hugged on her jacket lightly before walking towards your dorm. This is what she’s afraid of. Your rivalry going too far that it’ll end up hurting someone.

Jiwon hates it. She could’ve prevented it, but she chose to be a bystander, because she thought you two are mature enough to handle it. But it looks like she’s wrong.

As she turns right to your dorm, Jiwon immediately notices that you’re outside your dorm. Talking to someone over the phone. Your eyes and nose were red from crying, streams from your tears dried on your cheeks while you’re still wearing the clothes she lent you.

Jiwon approaches you quietly, enough not to disturb your call. She was about to tap your shoulder when she froze to hear your words.

“Y/n,” it was the only thing she could say, and that stopped you. Turning around and surprised to see Jiwon standing in front of you shocked.

“Jiwon,”

“Tell me it’s not true?” she asked in disbelief. “You’re moving to the states?”

And the only thing you could do was smile at her bitterly. “I’m sorry.”

You and Jungwon became strangers ever since that day.

No more rivalry, no more competitions, or nonsense banters. The results were obvious — Jungwon won. He got the internship and instead of being grateful about it, it only left a heavy pressure on him — especially when he’s going to balance it along with his career and studies. All for it so that he could get back to you.

You, on the other hand, blended within the walls. Jungwon had observed it. How you become eerily quiet, listening to the professors, and only answering questions when called. You tried to distract yourself, spending more time in the club room, finishing the article along with your other duties.

It’s ironic but Jungwon wondered how you were. There was one time he saw you talking to Atty Yoon. It was serious talk and his curiosity itched, he wondered what it’s all about. He wanted to badly ask you, but he knows that he doesn’t have the right to — and this time, he distanced himself for you.

The rest of the members noticed how Jungwon’s out of his mind during practice. He insists that he’s fine, but the three older members know that he’s hiding something, and it probably involves you.

So they took it upon their hands, and cornered him.

“Okay, what the hell is this?” Jungwon asked, crossing his arms as he looked at his friends one by one.

“It’s an intervention,” Sunghoon stated, and Jungwon groaned in response.

“Not you three too,” he could only complain.

“I think it’s the right thing to do because we don’t hurt girls here Jungwon,” Heeseung pointed out.

“I don’t even know whether to take you seriously or not.”

“No, seriously, we’re here to give you advice, man to man,” Jay said in a serious tone before looking at the younger male. “What you did was an asshole move, but before we dive into that, we want to hear your side first.”

“What do you mean?”

“Oh come on, open up! Just tell us everything starting from the very start.” Jay gestured. “No judgement, no opinions until you finish your story, we’ll listen and we don’t judge.”

“He means it,” Heeseung added.

Jungwon could only let out a sigh. Frustratedly, he brushes his hair before telling his side.

“I love her,” he started, surprising the three with his words. “When we were kids, it was just a small crush, an infatuation. She was pretty, kind, and she stands up for what's right. We were together almost all the time. It surprises me that we’re closer than she and noona, but we’re just inseparable. She — she even convinced her parents for her to study in Decelis High School because she doesn’t want to be separated from me.”

He looks at his band mates who are attentively listening to his story. “Is it bad that I gave meaning to it? She stayed because she didn't want to be separated from me. She didn’t mind traveling an hour and half back and forth just to study at Decelis, and that’s because of me, how can I not give meaning to it?”

Sunghoon was about to speak up but Heeseung had clasped his hand on the keyboardist’s mouth. Jungwon didn’t seem to notice as he’s too deep into his worries.

“That made me love her more, and I thought I stood a chance on her. I thought it’ll be those cliches that we were friends who like each other but are just too afraid to ruin their friendship, so no one confesses.” Jungwon lets out a deep sigh. “But in the end, she only sees me as her best friend.”

Jay winces at the words, while Sunghoon could only comfort his hurting self. Heeseung being the one who’s serious at Jungwon’s story, gestures to him to continue.

“I made a mistake, I was wrong, that’s all I know. When I learned that Dohoon confessed to y/n a week before graduation, I was scared that he’ll take her away from me.” Jungwon then remembers that day. That afternoon in the empty classroom, his confession, your rejection, and the fact that the bracelet is still hidden deep in his closet meant that he’s still holding on to you.

“My confession was sudden, I know that. That’s why I am prepared for rejection, I just want to dump my feelings on her. But hearing her excuse, I couldn’t help but be angry” the frustrating feelings washes over him again. “First, it’s because she didn’t tell me that Dohoon confessed to her, we’re friends right? Why did she keep it a secret from me? Second, because she gave me a shallow reason why she turned down my confession. Studies first? Who the fuck will believe to those?”

“I do,” Heeseung couldn’t help but to butt in, earning glares from the three. “Look, sorry I know we don’t judge in this intervention, but some people do prioritize their studies and think that relationships can be a distraction.”

“You’re missing the point hyung,” Jay rebutted. “She lied to Jungwon, it’s a white lie because she didn’t want to hurt Jungwon, she doesn’t want to reject him with the reason that she doesn’t feel the same way.”

“And instead of accepting it like a real man, you decided to be petty and turned her reason for you two to become academic rivals?” Sunghoon asked, a scoff of disbelief following afterwards.

“I felt betrayed,” Jungwon defended. “I don’t need her to think about my feelings, I can accept it if she doesn’t like me back! Why did she need to lie to me?”

“Jungwon, you mean so much to her that she doesn’t want to lose you, that’s why she did that,” Heeseung explains calmly. An assuring smile forms on the eldest lips. “Maybe a part of her thought that you’ll understand if she said that reason.”

“But instead, you made it into a rivalry,” Sunghoon butts in. “Did it ever cross your mind why you resorted to that plan?”

“I was immature, I want her to prove to me that she was telling the truth even though I know that it’s just a lie,” Jungwon huffs out. “I was hurt, and seeing her getting frustrated and angry because I beat her at every competition, it fuels my pride. It just proves to me that I was right, but —”

Jungwon freezes midway. “Back in there, in the supreme court, I know I crossed the line. I know it was too much. We made a promise, that she’ll give us good publicity in exchange, I won’t participate in the internship. I lied, I cheated, and I got the slot, the thing that she was aiming for. I thought she would just be mad at me, curse me like she always does but she cried — she cried because of me.”

“Okay maybe this is the part that we judge,” Jay interrupted. “Jungwon, you broke your promise to her.”

“I did,” Jungwon said in defeat. “I did, I lied just like what she did.”

“She lied because she doesn’t want to hurt you, you lied because you want to hurt her, there’s a difference, Jungwon,” Sunghoon pointed out, and that only had sunken Jungwon’s shoulders.

“Well, you finally beat her right?” Heeseung sarcastically interjected. “Are you happy with it now? Is the grudge on your heart gone now?”

No. It never left. In fact, the pain became deeper. He felt guilty. His grudge never left and it only left Jungwon mad at himself, especially when he knew that he had gone too far.

But he couldn’t do anything about it. Not when he doesn’t know where to start. He doesn’t know how to approach you either. It’s like the more you two meet, the more you two hurt each other — and that thought pains him. You two used to be glued together, but now? You two can’t be in the same room anymore.

“It just hurts me more,” Jungwon could only say. “I don’t know what to do anymore, noona’s mad at me, and I’m sure you guys are disappointed with me.”

“Yeah, you did too much Jungwon,” Jay heaves out a sigh. “But we still wanted to be there for you, the only thing you should do is to turn things right.”

“Talk. You two should talk and just communicate,” Sunghoon added. “It’s important to clear things up.”

“How can I? She’s avoiding me.”

“I think she had enough of you Won,” Heeseung defeatedly said. “I think you need to give her space, let her heal the wounds. It’ll just hurt you two more if you two immediately talk to each other.”

“I wish it’s easy,” Jungwon said. You’re like a breath of life for him. He couldn’t stand being away from you despite the anger he’s holding on to. He knows he’s conflicted, but deep inside he is still yearning for you.

“If you really love her, you’ll let go of her Won,” Heeseung shared. “Right now, your pride and heart are fighting with each other, you have to let go of one thing.”

The newspaper fell flat on top of the coffee table. Jungwon, who seems to be busy with his task, stops and glances at it.

There they are. Front page of the university newspaper. A whole page on page four will be dedicated to them, and only about them.

“I hope you’re happy now Jungwon-ah,” Jiwon said with a serious tone while the younger male focused his attention towards the article.

You stuck to your promise that you’ll give them a good exposure — and you did. The article was concise and catchy. You highlighted their journey starting from being a university band shifting into an independent one, and now here you are, a mainstream band.

Despite being the youngest in the band, Yang Jungwon from the Department of Law seems to be able to catch up with the older members. Impressively, he’s even ahead of them. He controls every song and beats with his drums, a huge backbone of the band, considered as the last puzzle piece of Arcanum.

He continued reading his section — realization hitting him like being poured with a bucket of ice. Even after everything he had done to you, you still made sure that Arcanum’s image won’t be in a bad light.

Why would Jungwon be happy? Two weeks had passed and his sister’s mad at him, his friends were disappointed with his actions, and he broke your heart, again. He still doesn’t know how to approach you. The only thing he could hold on was his pride. But what’s to hold on when you two are strangers now?

“I am not,” it was the only thing Jungwon could say.

“Good,” Jiwon spat. “You deserve it.”

“How long are you going to villainize me?”

“Long until y/n forgives you,” the older girl said, before grabbing her phone. “But I guess that won’t happen because you still couldn’t face her like a real man.”

“Quit it, you’re just like Sunghoon-hyung,”

“Then stop moping around and face her,” Jiwon nagged. “Before everything is too late and she’ll be gone for good.”

Jungwon halted, his ears deafening at his older sister’s words.

“What do you mean?”

Jiwon didn’t answer.

“Noona, what the fuck do you mean?”

“She’s leaving Jungwon,” Jiwon stated, and Jungwon felt his heart dropping on the floor. “She’s continuing her studies in the states, and she doesn’t know when she will return or not. It depends on the future.”

“I don’t know that — she didn’t told me that.”

“Why would she tell you that Jungwon? Why would she tell the guy who she lost her internship to, that she’s migrating to the states? She’ll be scared that you might do it too just to beat her out of it,” Jiwon sarcastically replied, and that deepened the stab in Jungwon’s heart.

“When was this?”

“A few weeks ago,” Jiwon shared. “It’s a great scholarship deal but she’s hesitating because it’s in the states, she’ll struggle to adapt. The internship was her sign, if she doesn't get in, she’ll accept it.”

Jungwon didn’t say a word. No wonder you reacted that way when he got the slot. You need it. It’s the only thing that will make you stay here.

“She doesn’t want to leave you Jungwon,” Jiwon bitterly smiles, thinking about her friend who’s leaving for good. “Even if you were an infuriating asshole, she didn’t want to pursue it, but you outdid yourself this time Won.”

Shit. Jungwon curses. There’s no way. He’s not going to let you leave the country. He has to do something about it.

“I got to go,” Jungwon could only say, standing up from his seat and leaving the house in an abrupt manner.

Jiwon knows that she’s not in the right position to tell but she knows you two. She had witnessed your friendship grow and crumble throughout the years. She was there, watching your rivalry unfold and quickly be ruined again. She’s not going to let you leave with a heavy heart — and her younger brother wondering why you suddenly disappeared.

Jungwon stood outside your dorm apartment. He’s been constantly bugging you, calling you nonstop, almost begging for you to talk to him. He stood there for an hour before you decided that he’s not going to leave unless you show up, so with the remaining pride you had in you, you decided to go down and face him.

“What did I hear from noona?” Jungwon angrily asked, the moment you're near him.

You didn’t say a word but instead, you stood there as Jungwon stared at you like you had betrayed him once again.

“You’re leaving for states? You’re not going to wait until graduation? Do you really hate me that much?” he asked almost in disbelief.

Of course. You only think. Jiwon’s going to tell him. You don’t know whether to be mad at the older girl but you let it slide. You know that she told him so that you two could finally talk, to clear things up and perhaps, for you to leave the country without holding any grudge against Jungwon.

After all, everything about this is about you now — not about Jungwon, not about your rivalry with him. It’s not to shove to him that you’re going abroad to study and he couldn’t. No more games and petty competition that was created due to an immature reason. Everything about this is for your future.

“This isn’t about you anymore Jungwon, nor is it about whatever competition we have,” you only exhaled. “This is about me and my future, and I wouldn’t have done this if it wasn’t for you.”

“No,” Jungwon firmly said. “You can’t leave, don’t leave —”

“Why? So you could continue our rivalry? Jungwon, you’ve won, you got the internship! Is that not enough for you!?”

“I don’t want to lose you,” Jungwon answered instead. “Please, don’t go, please stay…stay with me, I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize now that everything you’ve done caught up to you. If I stay, what good will it become for us? We’re only hurting each other Jungwon.”

“We can start all over again, please, I’m sorry —”

“Jungwon, it’s not easy for me to just get over it and start over again,” You let out a deep sigh before looking at him. “I made some mistakes too, I’m sorry for breaking your heart Jungwon —”

You weren’t able to finish your sentence when Jungwon pulls you to a tight hug, arms wrapped around you that you freeze from your place. “I don’t care about that anymore, please, just don’t leave me.”

You could only close your eyes, tears falling as Jungwon’s warmth engulfs you. You hate it. You hate how despite everything Jungwon has done to you, you still miss your best friend so much. You missed his touch, his warmth, and the comfort his hugs gave you.

“This is for my future Jungwon,” you repeated. “I wouldn’t have done this if only I got the internship.”

“I’m sorry, please —” Jungwon stuttered through his words. All his pride crumbled down in a snap, he was almost kneeling in front of you as the guilt had become heavier than the anger he had towards you. “Please don’t leave me, I’ll decline the internship, I’ll make sure you’ll get the spot.”

“It’s too late Jungwon,” you only said, and before he could say anything, you broke out from the hug. “I don’t see a reason for me to stay, my parents are moving too. We had already hurt each other. I think it’s best that we keep our distance from now on.”

“I’m sorry,” Jungwon apologized. “I’m sorry for ruining our friendship. For being an asshole to you, and stealing your internship after I made a promise. I’m sorry.”

“I have forgiven you a long time ago, Jungwon,” you consoled. “But the more I see you, the more I’m hurt because I regret not reciprocating your feelings for me — and it took me a year to realized that I love you, and I miss my best friend so much, and I was holding on to our petty competition because it’s the only way I could get close to you again, even if our pride is getting in the way for us to communicate properly.”

“Why are you telling me this now?” Jungwon breathes. “Why now? When you’re leaving?”

“Because even though I love you, I’m still hurting Jungwon,” you explained. “And I need space, I need a place on my own — a life without you.”

“There’s nothing I can do to make up your mind?” he pleaded desperately.

“Nothing.”

Jungwon became quiet. That’s when he knew that your decisions were final. Nothing can change your mind, not even if he kneeled there and bled himself dry. He had hurt you deeply that you had to distance yourself from you.

“What happened to us Jungwon?” you asked. It was the question that you’ve long to ask him for years. “Why did everything lead to this?”

“It’s me,” Jungwon said in defeat. At that moment, he chooses his love over his pride. “It’s my fault, I was immature — scared that the only person I love will be gone. The funny thing was, she did, but it’s because of me.”

“Now, you really are going to be gone, I pushed you away, again, just like back then,” Jungwon mumbled. “I never thought it'd happen again.”

You only stared at him, “it’s for the best Jungwon. Maybe, it’s meant for us to end up this way.”

“Don’t say that,” Jungwon huffs. “We were inseparable back then, we…we could’ve been more than friends —”

“If only I'd realized it sooner,” you bitterly smiled. “I’m sorry Won, I’m sorry because I was too dumb to realise that my best friend’s in love with me — that I’m also in love with him.”

“Is your love for him not enough to outweigh the hurting feeling?”

You only nod, defeated, Jungwon didn’t say a word.

“Can I hug you?” Jungwon pleaded, thinking that tonight will probably be the last time he’ll get to talk to you. “Please, one last time?”

“Okay,” it was the only thing you could say before Jungwon pulled you to a bone-crushing hug. You rested your head on his chest as he tightly held you, not wanting to let you go, head resting on your shoulders.

“I’m sorry, I love you so much,” Jungwon cried. “I’m sorry if I hold onto my anger and pride, I’m sorry —”

“I’m sorry too, Jungwon.”

“Please, stay…I’ll distance myself from you, just stay here.” he persuaded once again.

“I’m sorry, my decision’s final.”

And the only thing you could hear was Jungwon soft cries as he buried himself to you, muffling his cries on your shoulder as tears fell from yours too.

Epilogue.

“You’re listening to 101.3 mixed up radio station, here we are with the hottest band in the scene, Arcanum!” the voice echoed through the radio station.

Behind the scene, the camera director signaled that the cameras were rolling. The DJ, Boo Seungkwan nodded as he smiled at the four guys sitting in front of him. Huge microphones in front of them, as they smiled nervously.

They introduced themselves one by one. Smiling despite being deep inside, they’re nervous for their first live radio guest. The DJ was cheerful and light to talk with. He makes sure that every member gets to answer, darting topics from their journey up to their music. The segment was going well and the longer the talk was, the tension on their shoulders lessened.

“Alright, so we’re here to ask you guys some burning hot questions. Everyone’s curious, what’s your relationship status? Some say that you guys are in a relationship while others aren't, it’s also a hot topic that you guys describe your ideal type during your showcase.” Seungkwan asked, glancing at the members one by one.

The boys laughed at the question, before quietly looking at each other. Gesturing the oldest to answer the question. “Alright, uhm — we’re not going to deny it anymore, but we’re in a healthy relationship, well except for Jungwon, he’s still single and ready to mingle if anyone wants him,” Heeseung teased, making the youngest glare at him.

“Oh this shouldn’t surprise me given that you guys are so handsome! It’s kinda controversial you know? It’s rare for singers to debut while maintaining a relationship and exposing them immediately to the public,” Seungkwan stated.

The members only agreed with the DJ’s words. One of the things they negotiated with the label is their private life outside their career. Daydream Records wasn’t strict with romantic relationships, and gave them the decision to reveal their relationship in public. While they weren’t the type to flaunt their girlfriends at every chance they have, their fans are quick to stalk their personal social media accounts.

“Well, they’ve been supporting us from the start, it’s fundamental that we also have trust in each other,” Sunghoon explained, smiling as he remembered his girlfriend.

“That’s true, plus they’re also the inspiration to our music, our fans love it to be honest, they think it’s romantic that we dedicated our songs for them,” Heeseung added.

“That’s right, from what I heard, your first ever composed song was dedicated to your girlfriend right?”

Heeseung only laughed at the DJ’s words but the obvious red ears gave off the answer. They remember the first time they performed it — in front of thousands of Decelis students at the year-ender concert. One of the biggest crowds that they had performed.

“That’s true, I’m going to say that the lyrics aren’t that deep and it’s a bit cheesy but that’s how I feel for her,” Heeseung explained, smiling wider than ever.

“If you want a small fact, Heeseung’s dating Jungwon’s older sister,” Jay chuckles.

“Oh! Seriously? Jungwon, what are your thoughts about it?” Seungkwan asked.

“Well,” Jungwon lets out a disappointing sigh. “I had no choice, they love each other.”

The talk about Arcanum’s relationships continued, gossiping about how they met and where, the DJ seemed to be impressed how they all have different love stories. Commenting at how their listeners are probably gushing at how cute their relationships are.

“You guys seem to really love them,” Seungkwan sentimentally said, and the members only smiled. “And I can see that they’re also a bunch of sweet and genuine girlfriends, that’s why we prepared a surprise for you guys!”

The members were surprised with Seungkwan’s words that they started looking around, wondering if their significant others are present in the set. Jungwon only laughed as the only single member, but his eyes wandered too, curious what kind of surprise the DJ had presented.

“Hello love,” a voice echoed through the speaker.

“Oh my god,” Sunghoon blurted out, surprised by a familiar voice that’s always been a tune to his ears.

“Oh it’s a voice message,” Jay said in relief.

The members decided to become quiet as they started listening to their voice messages. Sunghoon was smiling wide as his girlfriend made the call after her hospital shift, soft voice encouraging him and telling him that she’ll be there to support him no matter what — and she’ll be waiting at their home no matter what, making the keyboardist hold onto the ring on his ring finger, smiling wider that his eyes curved into crescent moons.

Jay laughs when he hears the bubbly tone of his girlfriend. Excitedly, she first shares anecdotes of their relationship, remembering that one time she kissed him in front of the crowd at the Rabbit Hole, a memory that seems to be a core memory not only for them, but also for the band. She then explains how lucky she was to have Jay as her boyfriend, a huge green flag she added. She warmly wraps it up with the sentence, “I’ll be cheering for you my rockstar.”

“Hi Heeseung,” Jiwon’s voice came last. Just from her voice, Heeseung can see her smile and that thought made him smile wider.

Jiwon expressed how she was there from the start. From their first band practice in their house up to now, and she’s proud of what they’ve become. She’ll be supporting them from afar and reminding them that the Yang residence can still be a place for their band practice. Her message wasn’t just solely for Heeseung — but for the whole group, touching everyone's heart, while the vocalist only smiled at the thought of Jiwon caring enough for his band members.

“For Jungwonnie, I’ll leave a message to you too,” Jiwon spoke, a teasing laugh escaping her lips. “Don’t be hard-headed to your members just because you’re the youngest! I won’t be there to nag you all the time! But noona will always be here cheering you on, I’m proud of you always. I love you kiddo.” From there, Jiwon’s voice stops. Jungwon’s smile never fades, heart touched by his sister’s words.

“At least I got a short message from my sister,” Jungwon jokes, making the other three laugh.

“Are you sure about that?” Seungkwan asked teasingly, “because while we’re listening to the voicemails, we suddenly received a message from someone. It says it’s from your best friend.”

Jungwon stops, confused and wondering who it was. His heart started beating fast, and there’s a small hope inside him that hopes it’s from you.

“Would you like to hear it?”

Jungwon only nods. Eager, even leaning against his microphone like it’ll make the voicemail louder.

“Hi Jungwon, congrats on your debut and your radio interview. It seems like life has always been in your favor,” there it was. Your soft tone that Jungwon immediately recognized.

“You have always been so perfect in so many ways Wonwon,” a laughter escapes your lips, making Jungwon smile. “Do you still hate it? Calling you Wonwon? But the nickname stuck with me ever since, so you have no choice about it.”

“I’ve known you ever since we were kids, you always love playing music, I never got to beat your guitar hero high score.” a faint laugh escapes your lips, and Jungwon swore that your laugh was the prettiest thing he had heard today. “It makes sense that you’ll be in a band, Wonwon even though you can do almost everything.”

Then, a deep silence followed after. From the other side, you stood in front of the glass wall, watching the planes take off while you waited for your boarding time. Your heart filled with regret but also relief as you clutched on your phone tightly.

“I just want to tell you that I’m proud of you, for everything that you’ve achieved. You deserve it, and I’m pretty sure that there’s more to come with you and Arcanum, and that makes me even more proud.”

“I hope you’re okay now Jungwon, I love you so, so much, don’t you ever forget that,” you only said, lips trembling as you choke back your tears while an announcement echoed in the background.

“It’s time for me to go, I don’t know what the future holds, but I’ll be here supporting you and Arcanum. Goodbye Jungwon.”

The call ended. Jungwon was quiet as he thought of you. He doesn’t know what to feel hearing your voice. But somehow, he felt closure with it, and he was glad to hear your voice one last time before you leave the country.

“Wow, that’s such touching words from your best friend,” Seungkwan softly said, touched by your message. “And of course! From your girlfriends too, before we close this segment, how about you guys give a few words for them?”

One by one, the members sent their love and short messages for their significant others. Hoping that it’ll reach them. All smiles and sweet words were given before it darted to Jungwon who gave the message last.

“Hi, thank you for the message. I don’t know if you’re still listening to this interview, but I hope you’ll be okay there in the states. It's a lot of adjustments, but I know you'll handle it strongly. Take care always. I love you so much, don't you ever forget that,” Jungwon deeply exhales before smiling.

“I'm doing okay now. I'm glad that we're were best friends y/n."

#enhypen fic #jungwon fic #jungwon angst #enhypen angst

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