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it might just be because im sleep deprived from jetlag rn but this r/relationship_advice post is making me cry actual tears of laughter. i read the post at first and was like yeah pretty standard whatever but im nosey so i clicked on the drawing op linked and i was not mentally prepared for it. putting it under a read more so you can get the same experience as i did

some of the top comments

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BLANKET RESPONSE TO EVERYBODY BEING WEIRD: Kissing your dad, kissing your dad, kissing your dad. I'm kissing your dad with tongue. If your dad is dead, I re-animated your dad with the glowing green goo from Re-Animator (1985) and I'm kissing him. And if you never met your dad, that sucks, but I met your dad, and I'm kissing him. And if you have two moms, whichever mom is your favorite transitioned, and he's your dad now, and I'm kissing him. And if you have two dads, you know I'm kissing both of your dads at the same time, it's a full on Cronenberg body horror situation where I grew a second mouth so I could kiss both your dads at the same time. And if you are a being of pure light and do not have any kind of creator whatsoever, I'm actually a being of even purer light, and I can conjure dads out of the ether, and I made you a dad, and then I kissed him so fucking sloppy nasty. And if you're thinking that you don't care about me kissing your dad because you don't like your dad, that's where you're wrong, because I built a time machine and I went back in time to stop your dad from doing all the stuff that made you not like him, and then I came back to the present and me and your dad kissed each other on your bed because I reminded him so much of that mysterious young man who helped him become a better dad all those years ago.

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as a huge lover of birds, 90% of the concern against wind turbines being used for energy is literally just pro fossil fuel propaganda. birds ARE at a risk however there is a lot of strategies even as simple as painting one of the blades that reduces a lot of accidental deaths. additionally renewable energy sources will do more in favor of the environment that would positively impact birds (and all of us). one study found over one million bird deaths from wind turbines. while that is a shockingly high number and we should work to drastically shrink it, at least 1.3 billion birds die to outdoor cats on a yearly basis. it was never about caring about birds

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“Loch Ard” 🦢🍂 by | Daniel Casson

Loch Ard, the Trossachs National Park, Scotland

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I read an AITA post a few weeks back about a woman who liked having snacks in the bath when she's had a long day (a result of residual trauma iirc - the bath was her safe space). Her brand new husband of three weeks, a man twice her age who had no job, made her pay all of his bills and do all housework, and spent all day every day gaming because he wanted to make it as a Twitch streamer, had always been fine with this; but, on the day in question, had whisked her bath snacks out of her hands as she was on her way to the bathroom and tried to bin them, telling her it was time to 'break her of that filthy habit in his home'. She told him if he ever actually paid anything towards the house she owns outright he might get a say, took her snacks back, and had her lovely bath. He was since giving her the silent treatment.

(Obviously the judgement was an avalanche of 'NTA and also he's abusing you', which she agreed with, and decided to kick him out, so happy ending.)

Anyway I told my husband about this and he was outraged. "I would never do that!" he told me, furious. "I would find it adorable if you had bath snacks!"

Since then, every time I try to have a bath (which I only do as a rare treat) after about ten minutes there has been an anxious scrabbling at the bathroom door.

"Elanor!" he says. "Do you have bath snacks? Do you need anything?"

My answer is irrelevant. He brings me wine and poptarts. Now I have bath snacks. I'm a bath snacks person. Last time he was literally sleeping on the sofa when I went for the bath. Somehow this still happened. I now have an eager bathroom butler. How did this happen. I have never been so decadent yet bewildered.

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Rating the birds in my backyard by tendency toward violence

Northern Cardinal, 4/10

I'm sometimes worried the male is sexually harassing the female but I'm pretty sure they're just doing some elaborate public pickup roleplay. The rest of us didn't agree to participate in your kink, guys.

American Robin, 1/10

Literally just some dude hanging out. Never bothered anyone but worms. Big fan of the way you just stand there in the middle of the grass like you forgot what you were supposed to be doing.

House Sparrow, 10/10

You're a gang. You're participating in gang violence. There's ten billion of you living in a single wood pile and it's been civil war for three years now. When will the bloodshed end?

Tufted Titmouse, 1/10

A shy baby. A pretty little guy. I saw you on the neighbor's garage roof and time stopped. There were anime sparkles around you. Come back.

European Starling, 9/10

Why is it always you? Listen, I know, I KNOW the sparrows are the problem, and YET. When the fighting starts, it's always you in the middle of it, provoking them and then screaming like you're an innocent bystander defending yourself. I'm onto you.

Carolina Wren, 3/10

This rating is not for physical violence, which you don't engage in, but for your role as an incurable narc. A tattle tale. I know they're fighting again, okay? I see it. Our yard has been a warzone for years, you don't have to make a big announcement every time someone misbehaves.

Eastern Wood-Peewee, 0/10

If this were "birds who think they're better than everyone else," you'd get 10/10.

Red-bellied Woodpecker, 6/10

It's a utility pole. It's not a tree. You're surrounded by trees that are full of bugs. But there you are, on the utility pole. Committing vandalism.

American Crow, unrated

For who am I to cast judgment on the actions of La Famiglia? I assume you are doing what is best for the neighborhood. If I could, though, without criticism, make a single observation. That when large numbers of you gather in the ominous dead cottonwood - no? No, you're right. None of my business.

Great Crested Flycatcher, 5/10

Frankly, I think you could be doing more. I think your name implies a great potential. I think you should massacre the insects. I think your beak should drip with viscera.

Stay tuned for more criminal activity!

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Several weeks ago one of my coworkers called me over into her cubicle and gave me a very unexpected gift. Her mother passed away recently, and she'd been packing stuff up at her condo to give to relatives and sell, so the home could be sold. The mother was an avid knitter and crocheter, and when my coworker came upon her stash of equipment, she told me, she "immediately thought of me as someone who might get some use out of it."

So, I have inherited a varied collection of knitting needles and crochet hooks, cable needles, sewing needles, and, best of all, now-out-of-print pattern books, mostly for blankets, because that was what this lady loved to make most. Plus, I also have a bunch of gauge swatches she made, pinned to little bits of card covered in perfect schoolteacher handwriting setting out the patterns they were made to test.

And also...

My coworker brought another bag, full of yarn and...knitted blanket squares. Her mother's last started project, before she got too sick to continue. And she asked if there was anything I could do with it.

It turned out, there are twelve completed squares, and I quickly located the pattern book they are from amid those given to me. It's a book of 60 patterns, meant to be put together however the maker wishes into blankets of 20 squares. I figured out which of the numbered patterns were already made, and selected eight more that I thought might go well with them.

So now! I am working on completing! My coworker's mother's last knitting project!

And I really am feeling very good about doing it.

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susurruses

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*doom music starts to play* I actually kindof like scheduling these kinds of appointments now...

but seriously Fellas, don't forget to schedule a pap smear every couple of years just in case. If you still have a cervix you can still get cervical cancer. ilu

this has been a psa

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I've been curious about this for awhile now, and with a re-surge of the "hey you know you tumblr doesn't have an algorithm and you need to reblog things here if you want to see more of stuff and/or support creators" posts I think I'll finally make a poll to test a theory, Which is that: 1) Where you came from before tumblr has a heavy influence on if you reblog posts or not and 2) That the decline in reblogs has come from a influx of users from other social media over the recent years who were conditioned to interact with 'content' in a "more passive consumption, less community-interaction" way. So, whether you reblog posts or not- I want to know where you came from before tumblr

[Clarification: For the purposes of this poll, "do reblog" refers to if you often reblog the posts that you enjoy. This doesn't mean that you reblog every single post that comes on your dash- just that you reblog posts more than you hit the Like button and/or you regularly also reblog posts that you hit the Like button for. If you rarely reblog (i.e: you exclusively hit the Like button on more posts than you reblog, and/or have an empty blog), then please choose "don't reblog"]

Also, obligatory, "Please reblog for larger sample size" Because: science

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Starfleet issue eyeshadow.