suhnnyandbubu

[suhnnyandbubu]

first blush.

by bubu 🌹

pairing: boyfriend jaehyun x fem!reader

genre: fluff 💚

wording: 1.1k

[lowercase intended]

••• 

jaehyun and you could lay in bed for hours; just holding each other, telling each other things that no one knew about or just relishing the feeling of being close to one another. you did not realise when or how exactly you fell so hard for jaehyun. the mere thought of him could calm you down, hearing his laugh could make you feel at ease, like being at home. you looked at the bedside clock and it reads 4:00 AM, you could see the light rays gracing the morning sky, revamping from a night blue to a soft morning hue.  

you feel your lips stretch into a tender smile, gradually growing as you crane your neck to look at the brown haired boy who stole your heart to find him already looking at you with a soft smile on his lips, his lips. you blush as the memories of last night come crashing to you, compelling you to remember the sweet taste it left, the way his lips were on yours; drawing you in for more, on your neck; adorning it with elegant marks, on your temple; kissing away all of your worries, your doubts. 

you feel his fingers lightly tracing on your lower back, leaving feather light touches on its way. your blush deepens recalling the very same fingers touching you feverishly, his fingers deep in you, pleasuring you, making you feel so good so loved that you, someone who didn’t believe in any celestial being, wanted to visit every saintly place, to express your gratitude to the divine beings for sending jaehyun your way when you needed him the most.

jaehyun made you feel cherished, wanted and he loved you for who you are. he made you feel blessed; he made you feel you. it has been four years since you saw him outside of your favourite coffee shop, which had become your safe haven, well now the beautiful boy beside you holds the title of being your safe haven.  you could not explain it then but you knew in an instance that this man standing in front of you was going to become a key part of your life, for better or for worse, you did not know at that time; still you felt a connection as you have never felt with anyone.

it’s been three years since you guys officially started dating even so your friends beg to differ, for them it was the moment right outside the coffee shop when you smiled at jaehyun and he brushed the snow out of your hair, that they knew, this moment between you and him is a classic instance of love at first sight. you were never the one to believe in this pretence of love at first sight. you were more of an annoyed at first sight kind of person but everything changed when jaehyun gate crashed into your life claiming his rightful place in your heart and making you his.

you feel his fingers lightly tracing your cheeks, pulling you back to the present, back from the memory lane, back to him. you still find yourself wondering how you even got so lucky to call him the love of your life, for jaehyun to feel the same way as you did. you crane your neck more and press a chaste kiss on his lips, pulling back while smiling at him but he pulls you in for a much more needy and passionate kiss which leaves you feeling breathless. you feel his smile against your lips, making your smile grow wider. ever since meeting jaehyun all you do is smile and for the first time in your life, you are not tired of it. jaehyun pecks you one more time before moving back, tilting his head and looking at you with so much love brimming in his eyes that you could feel yourself drowning in them.

jaehyun ran his knuckles gingerly on your cheeks, and then he held your face; grazing into your eyes while you nuzzled into his palm. he lowly chuckled and pulled you to his lap, you claiming your rightful throne; you hooked your arms around his neck and pecked his nose before giggling softly.

there were times when your insecurities got the best of you. no matter how hard you tried to keep all your gloomy thoughts at bay they still loomed over you like dark grey clouds of hopelessness. there were times when you felt so hopeless, so weak that all you could think about is how undeserving you are of jaehyun, of his love. you knew, you could feel that you would be the one to turn this beautiful relationship into nothing, into ruins.

you were afraid, afraid of not being good enough, not being beautiful enough, just not being enough for jaehyun; yet he was always there for you, walking with you to overcome every obstacle in your way, helping you tackle your self-doubt and kissing all your worries away.

“why are you even with me?” you wondered aloud, while running your fingers gently around the nape of his neck.

jaehyun smiled his in famous eye smile that literally knocked the life out of you and left you marvelling at how can a human being be so heavenly. all the thoughts about not being enough dived straight out of the window as you looked at him, looking at you as if you were the epitome of everything beautiful in this world, well to him it was true. no matter what you thought, but for jaehyun you were the love of his life, the one he swore to love and cherish for all the eternity.

pulling you to his chest jaehyun whispered against your ear, “why you ask?  it is quite simple yet complicated. it’s simple because i love you, i love you to the very core of my existence, and its complicated because no matter what i say, i can’t exactly tell you how much you mean to me, how much i love you, how much you want me to be a better person for you. that’s why i’m going to spend eternity showing you how much i love you and how lucky i am to have you, to call you mine, to be the one you call yours, to be the one you love.” jaehyun responded with such an intensity that made something inside your heart swell, you felt warm and all mushy inside.

your heart swelled with love at his words, for you it was not into your ears he whispered, but into your heart and when he kissed you for the umpteenth time that night, it was not on to your lips he kissed but on to your soul.

•••

❝the best part of your life time will be the the small, nameless moments you spend smiling with someone who matters to you.❞

a/n: hey everyone! welcome to this page. i am bubu 🌹, a muggle born slytherin who is also an amateur writer and a couch potato. this is my first time trying my hands at writing fan-fiction. there are going to be grammatical errors, cringe-worthy writing, so please bear with it. i’m open to constructive criticism but if your comments are rude; then they are going to be simply ignored. thank you.  

•••

[suhnnyandbubu]

alone in the night.

by suhnny 😺

lower case intended.

number of words : 1,225

trigger warning : mentions of self harm. 

characters : johnny suh × oc [i am not confirming the oc to a particular gender, hence you are free to imagine the oc as you want]

it was one of those cold, chilly winter nights. you were walking down the path of the hangang river garden. earphones in, slipknot blasting through. you speed walked. you walked as if you were running away from someone, without seeming too obvious. perhaps, your own thoughts. you finally came to a stop and took a seat on the grass overseeing the river. the river looks too pretty at night you thought. you look up into the sky, and see the moon out, all shining so bright. it was the full moon. you wondered the moon looks so close, and yet it's so far. the stars shined. you heard the eerie silence, occasionally with the sounds of some insects and the chilly wind blowing through the leaves of the trees. it was quiet. it was silent. it was isolated, you thought to yourself.

this is what you did when you wanted to escape from the thoughts forming in your head. the thoughts edging you to hurt yourself. you wanted to fill your head with the loud music and the beautiful scenery right infront of you to tone down the intensity of the thoughts. you looked around to see if there's someone else, wallowing in their loneliness. it was 2 am. a few meters away, you found a guy all dressed in black sitting, staring into the river. i am not the only sad person here, you thought to yourself.

sometimes, you wondered, you had the perfect life, according to you. perfect parents, perfect family, never had any issues regarding anything. you excelled in school. people did like you. but why did you feel empty? as days passed by, and you grew up, the emptiness became deeper and deeper. as if there's something that's missing, as if there's something missing in your chest. as times passed, the ache in your chest became worse, and now you have this dull ache ringing through your chest. you spent nights after nights, sleepless, trying for ways to make it stop. you begged to yourself, you cried, make this stop please, you repeated over and over again, and finally, one day, you found the way. you overdosed on your prescription pills. enough to make it stop, but not enough to kill you.

you became a version of yourself you never expected. you used to think maybe this is what being a young adult feels like. things that used to excite you, didn't excite you anymore. you used to be the type of person that found happiness in everything small, everything excited you. but now, you don't even know what to say. you used to hate being alone, and now, you love the isolation. now, being around people makes you feel so lonely and empty, you want to escape. as if, your own thoughts are mocking you. mocking you, telling you everyday, you're weak, go ahead, hurt yourself some more. you stopped talking to most people in general. you didn't go out except for the time when your best friends would drag you out. your life consisted of college, home, trying to survive so that you don't hurt make your parents feel bad. and suddenly, you feel the tears streaming down your eyes. you felt so overwhelmed by emotions, you couldn't control them. and you cried, with your hand on your mouth, trying your best to contain in your sobs. but, were they really sobs, were your cry for help?

suddenly, you feel a presence next to you. you turn around to find the same guy you saw staring into the river. he offers you a tissue. you take it, thanking him and wipe your face. he just sits next to you. and you both sit next to each other for the next 10 mins, before he speaks up. he says i don't know what you're going through and why, but know that you're not alone, and never hold your sobs in, let it out, let your heart out and cry, makes you feel lighter. and, don't give up. fight the fight. and you just look at him, your eyes watering. its the first time, after so long, someone said these words to you. occasionally, you would hear your mum and dad tell you, if there's anything bothering you, you should tell them without a second thought and they'd listen to you, help you. but you just felt too embarrassed and sad to tell them what you're going through. it would break into pieces, you'd think to yourself and it would stop you.

you stay silent. registering his words in your head. you look away and tell him how after a long time, you're hearing these words. and that you wish you knew what's going on with you. you wish you'd understand all these whirlpool of emotions raging through your head.

he tells you, i went through the same, i am going through the same, and its not our fault we are going through. it isn't our fault we feel so broken amongst so many people. and its not our fault, if people think there's something wrong with us. maybe there is, but so is it with everything else.

you tell him now numb you feel, the emptiness, the sleepless, tearful nights. the overdose. and he turns around, looks at you and tells you, you're brave. you're strong. and i am so proud of you. you are fighting, you didn't give up, like i once did. you didn't run away, like i once did. he told you that life is hard, some pretend, some get accustomed to it and some don't. we are the ones who don't pretend. we do not accept how harsh it is, and we try to fight it back. and once we did, we are labelled as the ones who have something wrong with their heads. the depressed kids. we raise questions, we ask our self, what is wrong, why am i feeling this way, why am i feeling so empty, and once it realizes we are questioning it, it affects us. our thoughts, our deepest, darkest fears come into life, they come to haunt us every night, and day, till we give up. and we didn't.

and suddenly, his phone rings, he mutters an excuse me and takes the call. he then tells you that something came up and he needs to leave. he asks you if you want to go home now and you both stand up, decide to walk together till the exit gate. and that’s when under the proper light, do you notice who he was. he saw your face and could understand you recognized him. and as you guys reached the exit gate, he just told you, I'll be here at 10 pm tomorrow, the same spot and waved you a goodbye and left.

you knew you were coming back tomorrow. not because he was an artist you genuinely liked but, because you found someone who'd say words to you that you wanted to hear. you found someone who'd tell you you're brave and strong. and is proud of you for fighting.

Note : I'm not sure if i should turn this into a series.

Author’s note : Suhnny here. Welcome to this page. You might have read this scenario in another account (its mine xD). All kinds of feedback is appreciated, unless its rude. Please refrain from being hurtful. I am not super experienced in writing things like these hence, apologies from the beginning.