stupidshitlawyerssay

[stupidshitlawyerssay]

Oh, for the love of....?$!@

So, here’s a new one! Our firm’s ARs, account receivables, are apparently out of control. Now, at our firm we don’t typically bill for support staff time. Only the lawyers are responsible for billable hours. Baby lawyer has been running up clients’ bills and not asking for retainers to be replenished. So now we have top heavy cases that no one is getting paid on. We were told today that we will not be getting bonuses or holiday time off until the AR situation is under control and it is our job as the paralegals to track and make sure clients are paying. Baby lawyer has screwed us yet again!!It’s her fault we are in this situation and now it’s our responsibility to get her out. This situation is compounded by the fact that the only two lawyers in the office took off about two months each at the same time over this past summer. But, now it’s our responsibility to get money flowing back into the firm if we want bonuses and holiday time off. This poor management and poor financial planning should not be shouldered by the support staff. We’re not paid enough and it’s the “partners” who should fix the mess they’ve created!

[stupidshitlawyerssay]

I was asked to go to a networking event for the firm. Baby lawyer couldn’t drive more than 10 miles to attend and asked that I go in her stead. Get there and there is no networking event only a Christmas party for the organizers. And the party is fancy dress, i.e. tuxes and ball gowns. Baby stupid lawyer couldn’t tell me this ahead of time, i show up in business attire to a non-networking event. Ughh....

[stupidshitlawyerssay]

Baby lawyer has acquired herself 1 legal assistant and 1 paralegal. We were hoping that this would parlez into more clients. Alas, baby lawyer is now even more incompetent. And her assistants are about as incompetent as she is. She thought they’d be her saviors from me because she couldn’t handle me reminding her of deadlines, pointing out aggregious mistakes, and generally telling her she’s wrong everyday. Now she has to remember everything herself because her new assistants do not understand procedure. Ahh...do you hear that? Oh that’s just me dying of laughter on the inside from the irony!!! She didn’t like me doing my job, but now needs someone to do my job.

[stupidshitlawyerssay]

Family Member: Ah, Beagle, I’ve been meaning to ask you this since you’re a lawyer-

Me, not a lawyer: I’m a paralegal

Family Member: Exactly! So anyway…

[stupidshitlawyerssay]

Tonight I will be picking up a bottle of wine on the way home so I can shove a straw in it and down that mofo like a goddamn juice box.

[stupidshitlawyerssay]

Making up a rule in a practice bar essay because I forgot the real rule. 

[stupidshitlawyerssay]

I’m the dumb one? Really!?!?

I made a minor procedural mistake which I caught and not the idiot attorney. Then in discussing said mistake it was pointed out to me “yeah, I didn’t think you were that dumb!” Well, thank you, I can rest easy now knowing that you don’t think I’m that dumb. This coming from an attorney who can’t figure out how to scan a document let alone find a valid legal argument to support her cases.

[stupidshitlawyerssay]

Kid FTW

Funniest convo from a client today: Mom says to kid - why don't you bleach your hair some more and kill more of your brain cells?! Kid replies with: why don't you pop some more Zoloft and gain more weight?! Kid FTW.

[stupidshitlawyerssay]

Technicalities in Civil Procedure

[stupidshitlawyerssay]

Lol!

“Monstrosos! That’s what this is about? He’s king of the double cross. I mean, think about it. He’s a lawyer and a super villain. That’s like a shark with a grenade launcher on his head.”

-Dr. Mrs. The Monarch, “The Venture Brothers”

[stupidshitlawyerssay]

When I make a law joke in front of non-lawyers.

[stupidshitlawyerssay]

Shadenfreude

I had the best experience of Shadenfreude the other day. During a really bad Florida summer storm, a tree fell on the nasty lawyer's car; totaling it. We all had a good laugh as the day before she was making fun of our receptionist for being sick and not being able to afford medical insurance. Who makes fun of someone for that?

[stupidshitlawyerssay]

[stupidshitlawyerssay]

[stupidshitlawyerssay]

Trial Exhibits and Tears

Baby lawyer cries when she refuses to stay a second past 5:00 or do any work on the weekend causing her to not be timely with providing trial exhibits. Baby lawyer says all the stress of figuring out what trial exhibits to provide makes her cry. Baby lawyer can’t do her job.

[stupidshitlawyerssay]

[stupidshitlawyerssay]

Job Duties

It is not my job to do your job. You have "Esq" after your name, you figure it out.