stupidcunt9000

[stupidcunt9000]

Potato

You look like a potato, but I keep having sex dreams about you. Isn’t this fun?

[stupidcunt9000]

Another Dream

I walked up to her house, and she was there but not afraid of me. Somehow I told her I just wanted to talk, and we were laying down on the grass together. 

[stupidcunt9000]

Attempt 56 of Forgiveness

I am trying to forgive.

I am trying to forgive.

I forgive you. 

I’m trying.

[stupidcunt9000]

Portraits of Gabby

[stupidcunt9000]

The First Dream

This dream occurred one week exactly before she confessed.

I went to her workplace, which looks in real life very similar to what I dreamed. I found where she works recently and drove to see it for myself. To confirm if the dream world is connected.

_

We were outside in the back of the bank office, by a fence or parking lot. 

We were kissing, and it was like a suction to the depth of my soul happened, and I felt something that I rarely ever feel in a kiss. There was a desperation in her mouth, as she kissed me back fiercely. 

It felt intimate.

Suddenly, she began telling me horrible things about what he’d put her through. About what they had done the whole time. 

She started to cry violently and fell to the ground. My compassion overcame me, and I held her against my chest, like a small child, and kissed her on the forehead and told her it would be okay.

Next she was in the car, and she spread her legs for me. Her vagina was covered in white residue, and I thought, “Ah, so that’s how I got the yeast infection.”

Her smile had an evil glimmer to it.

[stupidcunt9000]

Written August 8, 8 days before getting pregnant with his child

I fantasize about Gabby now. I masturbated to the thought of being with her by myself. I wanted to explore her body on my own. I wanted to have her to myself, like he did.

I’m tempted to call her. I have her number.

I know it’s sin. I know this path is self destructive. I know where this leads.

Maybe I want to destroy everything because I’m afraid he’ll hurt me again anyway, and at least if I control the destruction, I can walk away like I did with my “polyamorous” exes, knowing I ultimately chose it.

He’s going to church. He’s praying.

God is working and I’m tempted to destroy it. Why?

Maybe I don’t trust God. I certainly don’t trust him.

There’s a war in my mind. If I really do want him, then I need to get her out of my head.

If I want to destroy it the fun way, then I contact her.

There’s no other way to look at it.

I want to marry him. Right?

I want to walk with God.

Why am I so afraid?

[stupidcunt9000]

Dream

I had a very strange dream.

I was with him were in the house that it all happened in, and Gabby was there cleaning and putting boxes away because it was her recently deceased grandmother’s house.

Her mom was there too.

And I didn’t feel angry.

She was a bit stand offish to me but I was trying to hug her and be close to her.

At one point we were laying on the bed, and he was kind of off to the side, very quiet.

And I kept touching her face and said, “I’ve been really angry.”

And she said, “Me too.”

And I said, “I’m more angry at him than I am at you. This was more on him than either of us, it always was,” and she agreed. She let me touch her skin. 

I apologized for trying to hurt her and she was still really reserved.

Then I woke up.

[stupidcunt9000]

Stupid Townie

So you have well off parents

And you could go to college anywhere in the world

Like literally anywhere

And you chose to go to college in the same town

You live in? 

Were you afraid to leave mommy? Would it be too hard to try living on your own?

You’re 25 years old and your life is like a teenager’s.

YOU WOULD NEVER SURVIVE A DAY IN THE LIFE I’VE LIVED.

The fact that you willingly chose to ADD STRESS to my life knowing that I was in a custody battle, knowing I was suicidal, knowing my intimate problems... it makes you pure evil.

You tried to sabotage my life. For revenge? For what? He never was proud to be with you, ugly troll. 

You chose to have an abortion at 18 because you’re a coward. I chose life at 18 because I’m a warrior. 

You would never survive a day in my life. 

You are weak and pathetic.

[stupidcunt9000]

Gabrielle Bokan

Imagine being so pathetic

Having no self worth at all

That you’d subject yourself 

To being a side whore for years

Always being second best

Always being the uglier one

Compared to a goddess

Oozing with talent like myrrh

And gold

I am so much more than you’ll ever be

And you know it

How does it feel to be the troll?

The ugly fucking troll.

The pathetic, horrible, disgusting troll.

You are nothing but a forehead with moles.

Where are your cheekbones?

You look like a chipmunk 

An ugly fucking rodent

You are an evil person

To have done what you did for years

You knew he was out of your league from the beginning

That’s why you held on

He used you because you were easy

Pathetic and desperate

You are a desperate little fuck

You are disturbingly pathetic, whore

Fuck you

I hate you more than I’ve ever hated anyone

May you suffer indefinitely 

And may you end up alone and miserable

And very fat 

May your face grow more moles 

And may you die a painful death

You fucking cunt