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Elven Ambush by Nikolay Donskikh.

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I’m back and as sus as ever

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When your DM does the dialogue for the monsters but can’t do the voices.

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And I lost hope when I was still so young Had an angel on my shoulder But the devil always won _________________ [image id: a picture of my d&d character, hades, and his sister, agnes. hades is on the left. he is a thin person with short black hair and star tattoos and peircings on his face. he wears a black top and black corset with a purple scarf. agnes is a girl with long dark hair and is bloodied. she wears a grey bustier and skirt over a white lacy blouse. both are reaching out to eachother. the text is animated and reads “ i can feel you in the hollow, and every cloud on the horizon, come back to me darling. end id]

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Original Tweet

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When everyone’s low on health, about to die, the healer goes down, and the DM hasn’t even said the villain is “looking rough” yet:

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“we were born wrong”

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i love being dm. it means i can ask the most innocuous questions totally unprompted to my players like “hey what’s your bard’s swimming speed?” and get this reaction every time

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why the fuck does the statblock for ‘horse’ in 5e have an 11 wisdom. its got a 2 intelligence but somehow an 11 wisdom. what fucking wisdom can a horse dispense? if a wise horse could talk all it would tell you is pain is the seed of all evil; the cause and the product, and that it fully intends to sew and harvest

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Me: *rolling a death saving throw*

Cleric: NAT 1 NAT 1

Me: *rolls a Nat 1*

Me: Why would you curse me like this?

DM: Why would you do that?

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Druid (aka DM’s 8-year-old daughter): my druid’s name is Silver Wolf! She was raised by wolves. Her animal companion’s her sister, also named Silver Wolf.  So are their parents. Actually, the whole pack is named Silver Wolf. Wolves aren’t very creative. 

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Me convincing myself I dont need to buy more dice because all my games are online:

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Boss with legendary action that doesn’t allow you to look at your character sheet