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the crows during the ice court heist:

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NO NO NO YKNOW WHATS NOT BEING TALKED ABOUT. IS WHEN THEY TALKED ABOUT THE ORDER OF WASHING IN THE SHOWER. AND PHIL SAID HE CLEANS THE IMPORTANT BITS FIRST. AND THEN DAN GOT ALL WORKED UP AND THEY DIDNT KNOW WHAT TO SAY SO THEY JUST MOVED ON. HMMMMMM

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why would you lie like that Google ai???

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thank god there are phannies in journalism now so we don't have to sit through 500 interviews of "so you make money...on youtube?????" like we did with tatinof and ii, and instead can get the real hardhitting questions like "why is your sims gameplay so wack"

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i love the way that there's absolutely 0 distinction between character and reality for him

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Are they fucking high

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Been talking about this with friends so I present to you, the cursed spectrum of media literacy

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the purpose of friends is to have people who unconditionally hate your shitty exes & relatives. like maybe YOU have a complex relationship with your father but i sure don't. i'm outside his house with a gun. he's not the unforgivable asshole who raised me he's just an unforgivable asshole

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I am cringe but I am free

Enjoy, Tumblr <3

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Why do they keep accidentally making him look like the coolest person alive don’t they want us to hate him

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i think i finally out a good answer to an age old phannie problem. when someone asks you "so are they dating?" and you have that moment, where your life flashes before your eyes because where do you start to address the five dimensional hole they just unknowingly dug

new response: "the facts about dan and phil's relationship are none of my business. the fiction, however, is both encouraged and award winning"

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dr peoper

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I'm reminded of this:

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