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[stormc97]

i’m so glad earth only has one moon, if there were more i’d have to pick a favorite and that sounds too emotionally taxing to even fathom

[stormc97]

SHE’S ALIVE!! I WILL DIE ON THIS HILL! THE AIRSHIP AT THE END!!! THE GLITCHY END CREDITS!! THE AIR VENTS!!! THE GLITCH! CAITLYN’S SMIRK AT THE END!!!

[stormc97]

Please, eat them.

I was a bagger for a grocery store and the amount of times old men told me to “cut my fucking hair” or the one old man who straight up yanked on my ponytail and then have all of them realize I was a woman and half apologize/grumble “I didn’t know you were a woman”. Like that shit would be okay if I was a guy? No, it wouldn’t. Because you never said that shit to guys stocking the building, oh wait, that’s right, they were all bigger than the old men.

I will never look feminine enough to be considered female passing to a cis man anyway. Eat them, please.

The people who police your gender will police your gender even if you're cis.

Eat them.

[stormc97]

Dick Grayson:

*runs the titans*

*works for the league*

*has a day job*

*solo patrols bludhaven*

*solo patrols New York*

*on call 24/7 for regularly scheduled Gotham crisis(es)*

*training at least 40% of new gen heroes at any given moment*

*infiltrating the current annoying cult, corrupt gov, spy organization, company, mafia group, evil underground ancestral foundations of a city and random corrupt modeling industry*

*monitoring drug pedaling in 3 cities*

*emotionally regulating 80% of his family bc why would they do it themselves? Nah let’s just ruin relationships for fun -cough Bruce cough-*

* maintaining civilian cover*

*canonically does volunteer work*

I am beginning to think nightwing doesn’t have anger issues he’s just overstimulated bc wtf

Like Dick take a break what is this?

————

Dick currently working on infiltrating the mob, after 4 days of 6+ hour patrols bc bludhaven has no chill an Arkham breakout, a performance review at work that took too long, organizing a titans outer space mission, just got back from training Jon Kent: no one call me plz god no one call me I can’t do this I have so much work no one. Call me plz

*phone rings* -it’s tim

He could ignore it but last time he left Tim alone for a month the dumbass lost his spleen and decided a cowl was a fashion choice (equally bad in his opinion)

Dick picking up the phone with his non broken arm: yello

Tim: so I accidentally maybe got kidnapped and maybe also started a cult around the concept of Batman and I’m out of energy drinks. (All equally dire in tims opinion)

Dick popping 4 caffeine pills: shut up I’ll be there in 30 don’t DO ANYTHing.

—————

Jason: sooo I might be engaged to an alien princess

Dick about to pop a Xanax: tell me it’s Kori or at least in this galaxy

Jason: nope

Dick: …. Can it wait

Jason: she wants to eat me, their species is like a praying mantis knockoff but with space and mind control.

Dick: yeah okay give me an hour I’ll call raven

————

Damian: hello Richard

Dick: what did you do.

Damian: I have been kidnapped by my mother

Dick: again

Damian: I feel it would be redundant to say anything

Dick: …….. alright I’ll call the nearest flying hero be there in a bit… keep ur spine where it is Damian or I swear to god-

——————

Bruce: cult

Dick who just got done with an undercover mission: anddd?

Bruce: we need someone to infiltrate it

Dick: I swear to god I. will. hurt. you

Bruce: hnnnn

——-

Babs: I have… acquired a child

Dick who is fighting deathstroke : …okayyyy

Babs who is watching the fight: she’s a little bit … traumatized

Dick, dodging a katana: preaching to the choir

Babs: can you do your whole, human empathy and kindness tell me ur life story I have puppy dog eyes.

Dick: ….

Babs: you owe me

Dick: … one day I will delete all your numbers and disappear

Babs cheerfully: you know no matter where you go I can find you hunk wonder see you in 3 hours don’t die before then!

[stormc97]

Jason: How long do you think it'll be until Tim finally snaps and commits murder?

Dick: I've been going through life assuming it's already happened at some point and it's just that no one was ever able to trace it back to him.

[stormc97]

Dick, running into the room: HELP! I accidentally set Jason's book on fire. How long do you think I have left to live?

Tim: 10.

Dick: 10 what?

Damian: 9

[stormc97]

at 3 am

Tim: You can say 'Have a nice day!' without a problem.

Tim: But you can't say 'Enjoy the next 24 hours' without sounding vaguely threatening.

Jason: How the fuck did you get into my safehouse again?!

[stormc97]

Tim, bleeding out on the floor: Ah, Hello again. We really need to stop meeting like this.

Jason: Maybe we would, if you would sTOP BREAKING INTO MY FUCKING SAFEHOUSE!!!

[stormc97]

Every year during the Olympics Jason calls Dick and it's just

Jason:..

Dick:..I-

Jason: THAT COULD HAVE BEEN YOU!! And what did you do instead?

Dick: I became a cop 😔

Jason: YOU BECAME A COP!!!

[stormc97]

I made mistake for this as it has no tags, and there is two days left, so I’m gonna remake this poll as if I make mistake, it just needs to be remade. My apologies, to the community who was waiting on this poll.

[stormc97]

Daughter of fantasy villains decides to rebel against her parents by actually going through with her arranged marriage to a local golden retriever of a prince instead of running off with some local villain-to-be or conquering said golden retriever’s kingdom and ruling it solo like her parents expect her to. Plus, sue her, she’s into the clean-cut earnest look.

At the same time, local prince charming discovers that he’s actually very into the gothic fiance his parents have landed him with in order to try and establish peace with the local evil lair down the lane, he would never have guessed a spiderweb pattern could look so fetching on a ball gown…?

Meanwhile, two pairs of parents in a tizzy because they both expected their offspring to whole-heartedly reject this union and give them an excuse to conquer their goody-two-shoes/evil neighbours, they’re not supposed to actually like each other-!

[stormc97]

she was fake.

but i still felt her warmth.

even if it wasn't real, i would relive this feeling a thousand times more.

~ mal-nourish3d

[stormc97]

you! tumblr user!

[stormc97]

can you reblog a two-part post in the correct order?

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Imagine this but with someone with adhd or autism (my spouse constantly has the mii theme or the theme to Nickelodeon with fuck in a low note at the end of the theme).

Telepathic Alien: whose brain keeps playing that?

Me: You need to be specific about what you’re hearing otherwise I won’t have any idea.

Telepathic Alien: It has a lot of human cuss words. But it seems to be in the style of what most young humans calls “Old Timey”, at least I think thats the terms they’d use?

Me: If it’s show tunes with the curse words of “Fucking bullshit”, it’s me. My apologies, it’s been a bad work week.

Telepathic Alien: *proceeds to notice the physical disposition of the human custodial maintenance worker* Someone’s not pulling their weight on the night shift again?

Me: It could be them or they could also be handling stuff from the afternoon shift that they’re not supposed to that got left undone. Tis why the song, makes me laugh and fully expresses the situation I’m in.

Telepathic aliens enjoy that humans will "play music" for hours at a time. When it's too mentally quiet on deck, they just announce the catchiest song titles they know and the humans will start thinking about it automatically.

The humans hate this so, so much.

Zorf: Human Steve, can you please play that song I like, the one with all the females

Steve: what

Zorf: A little bit of Monica in my life

Steve:

Steve: mother fu--