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To be fair that last one sounds like something Billy would say to Green Arrow… I read one where Billy was the Therapist Supe as Cap and Dinah knew he was Billy, and she told him what happened to Roy because Dinah was also the Gossip/Second Therapist. And him being a little shit to Green Arrow after all of that info is funny to me.

These lists are so fun to make

Things Billy has said when a JL member found him walking around as a child in the Watchtower (you decide which excuses worked and which didn’t)

“I’m Batman’s new Robin” (the blue eyes, black hair, and orphan status convinces everyone worryingly fast.)

“Im checking to see if this building’s up to code!” He had a fake mustache and a clipboard too.

“My class is here on a field trip and I got lost :(“

“Let me call my lawyer then we’ll talk!”

“Dude, did you really forget me? We’ve been working together for years!” (It isn’t gaslighting if it’s technically true)

Points behind them “OhMyGosh! A ghost!” Runs away when they look behind them.

“What am I doing here? What are YOU doing here!?”

“SIR/MA’AM, I AM HERE ON OFFICAL BUSINESS™️. PLEASE STEP AWAY AND LET ME DO MY JOB”

“Hi! I’m the Whiz Kid here to do an interview with Cap!”

“You can see me?”

“Excuse me, this is private property and you should NOT be here!”

Says Shazam and turns back into Cap “no one will ever believe you…”

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Beating out the Hero Worship. The weapon? Being a child therapist / relationship Councelor to your colleagues (who may or may not be going through midlife crisis)

So I love the prompts where the Wisdom of Solomon makes Captain Marvel a defacto Therapist and Relationship Councelor (family, romantic or otherwise) to his very adult coworkers. It’s especially funny when they think Billy is an adult. Billy is very much a child. A child who is giving these sad adults free therapy. Honestly if being a child hero wasn’t enough, the amount of work he has to put into his colleagues well-being should in itself be child labour.

Black Canary, who has been the Therapist, is the only one who can relate to the struggle. Sometimes they even share notes. Well, Billy is, Dinah is here for the gossip. Bring in Barbara, and they got themselves a girls night.

It’s just so funny to me. Gets me every time.

Flash: Man, I can’t believe I’ll need to reschedule my wedding anniversary AGAIN all because of some new villain not getting the memo. Sometimes being the hero on your city takes a lot of you.

Marvel: don’t you have multiple speedsters in your city?

Flash: …

Marvel: you have multiple heroes in your corner who would gladly take over a case for you

Flash: Oh yeeeeaaah

Marvel: Don’t pull a Batman. Ask for help.

Bruce, somewhere in Gotham: something just happened

*or just*

Clark: and it’s just confusing, because Conner sees my parents as his parents making us siblings, but John sees him as his brother making him my son, but Lex sees him as HIS son. Kon even said that Lex was more of a dad to him! Lex!

Marvel: oh yeah, family is difficult. Imagine having two dads, but the hero one is the one who want nothing to do with you. At least Lex tries. When was the last time you had a casual conversation.

Clark: I- *pauses*

Marvel: or talked about hobbies.

Clark: I messed up.

Marvel: yeah yuh did

Bonus:

Billy: Dinah! I didn’t think girls night was for another week!

Dinah: … actually

Billy: … no

Dinah, sitting on the couch: so I need advice

Billy: 🥲

A few moments later

Billy: I’m sorry, GA did WHAT to Roy

Dinah: Exactly, so come Mia-

Some more time later

Green Arrow: why do I hear boss music?

Marvel, slamming open the door: Oooolllieee we need to talk 🙃

Oliver: I’m in danger

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I need Joker to fear Captain Marvel so dam badly. Let me explain.

So we know how we, as a community, all accepted that Billy Batson / Captain Marvel is the most egregious Tax Evader of DC (for this who don’t know, there was a whole poll and our boy Billy won out of literally everyone, including supervillains).

And in the Batman Cartoon (and some comics), it’s stated that Joker is terrified of the IRS.

I think you see the picture.

Joker: I may be crazy enough to fight Batman, but I am NOT crazy enough to deal with the IRS

Captain Marvel: lol imagine doing your taxes

Everyone present: w h a t

*clip goes viral*

IRS Agent: So, Captain Marvel was it? According to this footage, you have no been paying your taxes

Marvel: prove it.

IRS Agent: What?

Marvel: to make me pay anything, you need to know who I am and what’s to pay. I got nothing to pay.

IRS Agent: that’s not-

Marvel: not even Batman knows who or what I am. For all you know, I could be living in a multidimensional rock situated in, quite literally, the middle of nowhere.

IRS Agent: …

IRS Agent: I- w h a t

*some time later*

IRS AGENT: YOU BORE A STRIKING RESEMBLANCE TO LATE CC BATSON. SOMEONE WHO HASNT PAID TAXES IN 70 YEARS! YOU OWE US TAXES

Marvel: no I’m not

IRS Agent: Don’t try-

Marvel, holding the lasso of truth: I am not CC Batson, I don’t owe you shit. Plus he’s totes dead so can’t be me.

IRS Agent: DAMMIT

Joker: This mofo is crazy! Crazy? I was crazy onc-

*later*

IRS Agent, in Fawcette: why is none telling me anything!!!! You, Child, what do you know of your local hero?

Itty Bitty Billy Batson: lmao aren’t you that Agent harassing Cap

IRS Agent: it’s not harassment if he owes the government taxes

Billy: good luck taxing anyone in Fawcette lmao, magic doesn’t give a shit about that. Also we have different currency’s that just switches on random basis. So unless the government takes Drachmas, you’re cooked

IRS Agent, on the verge of tears: this has never happened before

Lex Luthor: WRITE THAT DOWN WRTE THAT DOWN

Bonus:

Billy: you know, I know someone who has been commuting tax evasion, tax fraud and more charges. His name is Ebenezer Batson. That’s E B E N Z E R and he lives just outside of Fawcette. Can’t miss him.

IRS Agent, who has a fridge with ‘CC Batson’ and is more than happy to get old man prey: thanks kid

Bonus 2:

Billy: Sweet, the IRS put my uncle in jail and the police gave me back my inheritance. Now to convert this into Fawcette currency (they will not be taxing this money)

Joker, visibly weeps

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One day Tim’s out in casual clothes just roaming because Alfred said he needed to spend time in the sun (Jason said his sickly Victorian child was showing which is what actually got him outside).

Anyway he’s minding his business, bored out of his mind, when an alert about the riddler goes out. He escaped Arkham and Tim is like “I’ve got nothing better to do,” So he tracks him down. Except he tracks him down as Tim Drake, not Red Robin because he was told to get sunlight as Tim.

Kid basically knocks on the door the Riddler’s hideout like “I’m bored and I’m pretty sure I can out riddle you.” And the Riddler isn’t gonna take that challenge sitting down.

He doesn’t even have a plan set up yet. Just drags Tim in like “guess I’ll use this kid as bait he is influential.” And the entire time he’s setting up his elaborate trap he’s shooting riddles back and forth with Tim. Ten minutes in he’s given up on the trap because Tim is not only keeping up but is also dishing out stellar riddles. Riddler’s not about to risk killing one of the few people in Gotham that are actually entertaining.

By this point the Bat’s “Tim Radar” Has gone off. They haven’t heard from him and he hasn’t checked in for the Riddler Breakout. So they track him and they find him sitting in Riddler’s hideout with a mug of coffee playing the equivalent of four dimensional chess but it’s the game Clue.

It ends with the Riddler being willing to go back to Arkham so long has he has regularly scheduled enrichment time with Tim.

Tim’s content with that. Honestly he had a lot of fun.

Bruce is exhausted.

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WERE YOU GUYS SUBJECTED TO SEA SHANTIES EXTREMELY OFTEN AT A YOUNG AGE OR IS THIS NOT A UNIVERSAL WHITE EXPERIENCE… bc like ur man knew all of drunken sailer at age 5

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Sherlock Holmes modern adaptation but the main characters (Sherlock, Watson, Mrs. Hudson, Irene Adler, and maybe even Lestrade) are all vampires and they’ve just been doing their thing since the time period of the original books

Irene gets to be from New Jersey like she is in canon and she’ll occasionally show up and help Sherlock with a case but they don’t ever date or hook up or anything

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Following the author of The Last Unicorn on Facebook is the only thing that makes being on that site worthwhile.

(source)

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DPxDC Legal Power

Batman: You can not punish the Joker

Batman: You are no judge, jury, and executioner

Danny Fenton, standing over Joker's beaten body: Actually, I am

Danny Fenton, raising the Creep Stick up: I am the High King of Infinite Realms, and this bitch has been resurrected more than once

Danny Fenton, smacking Joker like a piñata: With the use of a pool of some nasty smelling ecto, mind you, but it puts him under my jurisdiction nonetheless

Danny Fenton, smiling at Batman as Joker is wheezing and trying to crawl away: So I am the judge, jury, and executioner for him since I'm the highest power in a Realm where he is a denizen

Danny Fenton, catching the Joker by the ankle and dragging him back: And as the King, I hereby sentence him to death by a repetitive use of The Creep Stick over his whole body

Batman: ...

Red Hood, with a bowl of popcorn: Do you mind switching The Creep Stick for a crowbar?

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Crystals study

i'm so tired

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tumblr discourse after 13 years on this fucking website

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The health insurance industry has a term for this sadistic practice. It's called "step therapy." If the choice is between a more expensive medication that works and a cheaper one that doesn't work as well and might have worse side effects, the insurance company requires that the cheaper drug be used first.

One benefit to the insurance company is that the patient on the cheaper drug might die before they get a chance to use the drug that works but is more expensive. That's money in the bank for the insurance company.

Or, the patient might be so worn down and harmed by the cheaper drug that they just give up the fight to get the drug that will help them. Again, that's bank for the insurance company.

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popular YouTube channels are great and informative until they make a video about a topic you're informed on and then the house of cards comes crashing down as you realize how utterly wrong they are about most things

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To be fair… I have so many internalized ones it’s not even funny. My overwhelmed brain will just feel like a scrambled egg put into a deep fryer. If it’s externalized, I’ll probably hide somewhere quieter and have obtained chocolate ice cream. When I’m that overwhelmed, it’s probably best to leave me be and not ask questions. The 404 error is just no thoughts or many thoughts.

Spectrum of overwhelm, now in triangle form due to popular demand

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I know for a fact a country who shuts down periodically for its own protests that used to be violent ain’t looking at us saying they’re unfamiliar with the game. They ran the game before, but because of the tragedies caused in one massive protest, they decided to listen to their people. And they know we don’t learn from anybody’s history even our own. The French know better.