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storiesworththeirweight · 11 months ago

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My Gaining Journey

I don’t usually put my own stuff out there. Besides my belly pics on Instagram, the stories I’ve posted here over the years, and the books I’ve published to Amazon, I’m mainly a private person. I’m really never one to post anywhere what’s going on with my life, and I’m usually a private person, unless it’s someone I’ve made a friendship with that I met inside the community. I also don’t share my face a lot, mainly due to trust issues from past experiences. What I wanted to say here is just my journey when it comes to gaining and my future decisions, and while I don’t assume many people will read this, which is fine, as always, I hope people who are meant to read this and find similarities with my story, if this can help them or show them a new side of things, that always what I aim for.

Like most of us, I knew I liked fat from a young age, and always hoped that as I got older, I would also get fat. My tastes in men gravitated to those who had some amount of fat on their bodies, whether they were labeled as obese or just had a nice belly on them. I dated whoever I liked, regardless of body type, but bigger men always had a special place in my heart. Upon finding this community and discovering not only my love for bigger men, but men who desired to grow bigger, this helped me so much to put words to my feelings I’ve known since I was a teen and older. GAINER. ENCOURAGER. Those words stuck with me, and I started to realize that I wasn’t the only one who grew up wanting to be bigger or see men become bigger, and multiple varieties of these concepts. I wasn’t alone, and that was the best discovery.

Then came meeting those like me. Up until then, since we all know how Grommr can be, I had many conversations about bellies and getting fatter, most of them resulting in someone getting off to those messages (nothing wrong with that, but something more substantial here and there would be nice also.) Eventually, I was able to meet up with some people I met on Grommr who lived locally. Most of these experiences, while they were for only one night (and not all of them sexual) helped me see how other men felt about weight. One was a gainer, but refused to hit a point where hiking, boating, other outdoor activities, would be a nuisance for him if he got too big. One was already super chubby and liked his weight and size. Another was only into bloating, something I wasn’t familiar with but loved learning about someone who liked the shape of a big belly and the feeling of fullness, but didn’t necessarily want a big belly for himself. I enjoyed, and still very much do, learning about someone’s associations with the community, their journeys, who they are as a person and how they identify with this community/how that shapes their life. That’s partially why I included interviews in my first two gainer novels, since I thought besides fictional weight gain stories, real people in this community deserved a chance to share their own journeys, whether it was just to share in general, or my hope, to help someone who would be reading them, know they are not alone, and learn something from them. I don’t know if that was the result, but I hope it was.

Afterwards, I was able to experience gainer situations I had always hoped I would and wrote about. Living with my folks and not driving until later in my 20’s didn’t allow for much to happen in the way of really gaining, but I still had fun with it. With this person, I was able to really see gaining in action, the work it sometimes takes to gain, see someone enjoy rising numbers on a scale and their body changing. I was able to experience feeding someone and being fed, funnel feedings, belly worship, and enjoyment of being around someone fat and wanting to be fatter. These experiences helped me see gaining in real life and outside of my stories, while finally being able to breathe and do all that I had been wanting to try.

While continuing to write, I moved out on my own RIGHT before the pandemic. I liked to say that living away from my parents and moving in with my roommate/moving out of that apartment and with my partner, during a pandemic, and going from a on my feet job to desk work, really propelled my weight gain. While I wasn’t doing anything special to gain weight, the weight just came. I hit 230 pounds and was thrilled to see I was finally putting on weight, especially since I just noticed how ‘big’ I was, with red stretchmarks on my belly and clothes being a bit tighter. Sure, 230 isn’t much compared to the 273 I hit years later or with how big most men in the community are, but to be more than 212 and to feel big, it was a thrill. Whenever I was asked, I would always say my fantasy weight would be 250. I thought 250 would mean I would finally be big and feel big, and I imagined that this would mean I’d have a nice belly, hopefully ball shaped, and would stop feeling small, which I hated.

Well, 250 came and went, all the way up to my highest of 273. I won’t say that’s where my issues started, since I don’t believe my weight is or was an issue, and I don’t want to put out into the universe that weight is an issue (that’s more up for interpretation for the person who has weight in my opinion). At 273, I didn’t have the body shape I wanted, since my weight went to belly, thighs and ass. I didn’t have the belly shape I wanted, but still thought I looked good at my weight, since people were telling me I was finally filling out, I looked healthy, was no longer the skinny kid, all of which I loved hearing as someone who never liked being thin all my life, especially at 6-foot. So, I agreed with their comments.

Obviously, the good must come with the bad for there to be that pesky balance in life. And while I’m not really one to give into opinions about my life, the weight comments have also sucked. Constant comments from my grandmother when I hit 200 pounds at 21 (which keep in mind I was 6 feet, in college and working a fulltime job, 200 pounds is not even bad AND you could still see my ribs, but I digress), and then anytime she sees me the FIRST comment is always weight related, drives me nuts. Ironically, the comments I would get are all from people older than 60, so maybe it’s a generational thing? She makes her excuses: the family issues that are genetic, she was apparently fat once and got made fun of for it, but nothing excused her views of anyone who is a little to extremely overweight, so I don’t give her much of a pass with any of it. The ONLY comment I didn’t say anything about was my mom when she came to visit me after not seeing me for some time was “Your weight worries me a bit,” and that was it. Cause she’s my mom and she cares, I do not fault her for that comment.

I wish I could say that I’m someone who doesn’t take comments and opinions about my life, ambitions, weight, etc. to heart, but it’s hard not to, and I’ve had to accept this about myself. I will create extensive arguments as to why those comments and opinions are ass, and that compared to all the good I do, the person I am, and all that I do to have a great life and be successful and the LAST thing they need to harp on is the number on the scale, my waist size, or the size of my ass, so I don’t allow people to just say it anymore. Still, comments suck and they have stuck over the last few years.

Also, the only person I give a pass is to my fiancé, the person I am marrying in 3 months. He has known about all of this since date #1: my thoughts on myself gaining, the community, my writing, etc. I learned early on to be upfront about this, since most guys I dated all has issues with it: one had body positivity issues and it freaked him out, one accused me of wanting HIM to be the fat one, etc. Can’t blame them, we all know WANTING to be fat(ter) isn’t everyone cup of tea. So, he’s known and doesn’t have any issues with this. He’s been really great with it. But, with his father having a bad heart attack years ago and himself knowing he will have heart issues due to genetics, he is scared for his own health, and now, a bit afraid for mine. I am not inherently unhealthy despite the size and do what I can to be healthier for him and for myself. It’s different, knowing you have no issue with your size or someone else’s, to then be with someone who loves you fully no matter your size and shape, but politely and caringly pushing for that level of healthiness too. And I don’t mean different in a bad way. For example, my grandma’s constant badgering about my weight is the bad I don’t need in my life. I know he loves me and wants me to be with him as long as we can (that sounds more dramatic than I mean it to be, but you all get the point), so how can I even consider being angry with him for it? It’s not like I’m a serious gainer like the rest of you. It’s not like I’m eating Big Macs or Bojangles everyday (though, Bojangles is the shit). I don’t drink boosts or make sure to overdo it with the calories to ensure gains. He says what he says and urges me because of love. Granted, I HATE the gym and I am lazy to a fault, I do what I can to make him happy, cause I do too want to be with him until the world ends (doesn’t give us a lot of time with how things are turning out, but not the point).

Plus, there’s also the fact that I am not happy with my body, and I wish I could be. I never really was happy with it. I didn’t have a nice or defined chest like the guys I went to high school with, I never even in my 20’s had the nice manly physique (whether that means thicc, toned, or just that puberty didn’t do what I wanted it to). I thought with weight would come happiness. Then I hit 273, my highest, a weight above my hypothetical fantasy weight, again assuming I would just be all belly or have a belly like those I’ve admired in the community for years. And even then, I did not feel big (which I found out is common in this community) and the belly is big, I guess, but I’m just not feeling it. I like how the pics look and the comments I get from the amazing people on here, and I’m sure putting on more and more would get me there, but if I’m not feeling it at 273, why would I try more weight to see if happiness would come? It’s like people say, money doesn’t solve happiness (that’s bullshit, give me money and see how happy I would be), and I don’t think in my situation that more fat would bring happiness.

This doesn’t change my love for those I’ve met and encountered here, or those I have followed for years. I still love a big round belly, thick love handles, soft chests, all of it. I love the content you all make on here and how you can live your fattest life and you all enjoy it. I love that for you. Am I jealous I don’t and can’t grow fatter to see how the grass is greener on that side? OF COURSE! It bugs me sometimes that I don’t want to grow fatter or just hog out for days on end. It’s just not in the cards for me, and I know it wouldn’t make me happier. Much of what I love to see, is how happy you all are being fat and the smiles you all have when you grab your fat guts or see how those shirts you used to be able to wear allow your big bellies to pour out underneath, and my heart is so happy to see people being happy with their fat and their gains. And I wish you all the best of luck with your journeys and I will verbally encourage you all however I can, and I’ll sing your praises and share your content with my encouragements where I can, cause you all deserve your happiest and fattest life you can have.

So, what does this all mean for me?

Well, I have been losing weight here and there, down to about 260 now, and I’m happy with it. I don’t know where I’ll end up on the scale down the road, or if I’ll ever have a body I’m happy with, but only time will tell, and that’s my thing to figure out.

I’m still writing my gainer fiction, currently working on book three out of five, and am just as excited writing this as I was writing my first stores for this Tumblr or piecing together my first book. I love when the creative spark hits and I can create a story where someone will discover their pull towards weight gain and their fantastic journey to their dream body. I’ve known for a while that I write these stories, mainly cause I and other people find them hot, but also cause in a way, it is me writing about a world I cannot take part it, where I can’t be the person to get fat with a jiggly wide ball-like gut and an appetite that won’t quit. I write stories where the person at the end is fat, happy, and there’s always a sun in the sky. And I’ll continue to do so.

I know one day I will set aside gainer fiction and write other things, short stories, or books that I can see on a Barnes and Noble shelf and share with my family and friends, since very few people in my life know about my adventure writing these books and the journey I’ve taken. I want to create other worlds and characters, experiment with something outside gainer fiction. These works will always be in my heart, and I’m not saying I won’t come back to this, but possibly after my last book in The BIG Life of Cody Harris Series, it may be my last for a little while.

If you’ve read this far, and no anger to you if you haven’t, I now this post isn’t something that is showcasing a gainer’s terrific body or a story where at the end is an orgasm and a hot fatass who closes out the story by asking ‘What’s for dinner?’ like what I usually post.

But if you have read this far, hearing about my own gainer journey and how I am now progressing on a different path than the one 22-year-old me thought I would be on at this point in my life (living without any regrets or wishes that things were different), I want to say thank you. Odds are, you’re someone who made me want to create gainer fiction in the first place. You may be one of the inspirations and realizations I had when I first found this community. It may have been your pictures to show me that this is the community I belong in, even though I won’t have the belly to show I am here. I know it’s not all about the gut, but that’s also where my imposter syndrome comes into play, and let’s just say, that kills like a motherfucker.

You also may be a friend I made along the way, or someone I’ve had years of conversations with and shared posts of so and so’s tremendous gains with, I thank you for your time with me over the last few years and being a guiding light and companion throughout all of this. I will always thank those who helped me discover more about myself than I thought possible, and for a few of you, I will be indebted to forever.

In closing, I am still here even if I lose weight. I’ll still encourage you, even if it is from afar. I’ll still keep knocking out these books until it is time for another focus.

This Tumblr will always be here for those who need a good gainer story (as of posting this, I promise at some point I’ll clean it up, cause at this moment the page is a bit of a mess) and for those who are on their own path to discovery. I first found out I liked gaining and fat guys getting fatter through gainer stories, so these will remain for people after me who need the same discovery.

With much love and endless appreciation,

Matthew Langston

(P.S. Put your phone down and eat a donut, you’ve earned it fatty.)

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