stfujayyy

[stfujayyy]

Thirteen days without you.

I never thought I’d have to say goodbye. You watched me grow up, witnessed every step of my journey, and celebrated the woman I’ve become—the woman you always believed in. You told everyone how proud you were of me, and I never imagined the day would come when I’d have to learn to live without you by my side.

The ache of your absence is overwhelming. It’s hard to believe you’re gone, especially after we shared the last three years together under the same roof. Every moment now feels empty. I sit alone in front of your altar, I cry, and I talk to you, longing for one more conversation, one more moment of your wisdom and love.

I miss you more than words can say. The emptiness you’ve left behind is so heavy—it’s a pain I never imagined would feel this deep. I wish I could’ve had more time to make you proud, to show you just how much you meant to me, and how much your guidance shaped me into who I am.

But even though you're no longer here physically, I hope you continue to watch over me, as I grow into the woman you always believed I could be. I carry you with me in everything I do, and I will forever cherish the lessons you gave me.

Rest in peace, and I hope you know how deeply loved you are, now and always.

10/26/1941 - 10/24/2024

[stfujayyy]

Rest Easy Grandma........

its been four days. who knew a number so small carried so much weight. but with each passing day, the numbers will get bigger and heavier. I didn't know how much your absence would take so much affect on me. I miss you. I miss you sitting in the living room, sewing your little napkins, sewing clothing or even knitting. I miss you walking around the house because you're bored and California isn't home for you. i miss you telling me how much you want to go back home,, the stories about home and the stories about the people you carried in your heart. Heart, who even knew that would break so easily. watching you take your last few breaths was something my heart wasn't ready to witness or feel. The heart is supposedly the reason why we are here, but after this month, i realize my heart was never as strong as yours. Strong; being strong isn't something I'm used to anymore. Ive been breaking down since the 12th of this month, since the news of you, and since i watched you go. Watching you go nearly broke me, and i realized i am not strong like you. And even though i carry you in my blood, it hurts me to feel you so far away. Even though i shared my entire life with you, it hurts me to know, ill never hear your voice, laugh and sighs. Even though i was there in the end, i don't think ill make it out alive, or i might not be the same without you. I miss you so much Grandma, until we meet one day.

10/26/1941 - 10/24/2024

[stfujayyy]

3:30 am thoughts

I would wake up everyday since January at 4:30am on your shift days to just get the chance to talk to you. I no longer have a reason to do so since you just got up an left.

My body being so used to naturally waking up so fucking early. ALL FOR FUCKING NOTHING. The late nights i stayed up streaming because its my job, to waking up on time to send you "Good Morning M.P...." messages. ALL FOR FUCKING NOTHING.

And in the act of committing a crime was only loving you, please just gently remind me how stupid i was..... to fall for someone like you, M.P.

[stfujayyy]

Hard for me

its been a year and some days. we haven't spoken. There are days where i miss you and want to reach out, but obviously there's no way. she probably asked you to delete me, or she was the one that blocked me. either way Matty, i miss you. How are you? Are you eating enough? keeping hydrated? Sleeping enough? How's your mom doing? I'm doing okay most days, life is getting lonesome again for me. Some days i get hundred of messages from friends, others, its like i don't exist to anyone. I am still eating, on good days the food is good; my bad days, i cant seem to want to eat, but ill force myself. i keep drinking water, but because my mouth gets soo dry if i don't. Im also trying to sleep more since i wake up everyday at 4:30am. guess my insomnia isnt so bad anymore, because im always tired and drained. i wanted to tell you about this band called "nightlife" and how my friend is the bass for them. i mean he was first touring with Jonny Craig and he was great there too, but he looks much more happier with nightlife. He's such a good person, he deserves this and much more. I miss you, matty. still hoping one day you notice my absence, like how i miss yours. please take care.

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine........

[stfujayyy]

The Skull of the Marquis de Sade (1965) And Other Stories A collection of stories by Robert Bloch

[stfujayyy]

I cant believe you blocked me. AGAIN? or it would have maybe been her? it doesnt matter just know i miss you.

[stfujayyy]

[stfujayyy]

Shiny Glare of Life by bnl00

[stfujayyy]

nothing hurts more than knowing I wont be around to see my little brothers family grow. i know that's so many years down the line, but man, has it made me cry because my little ones will have to see the older ones pass away and the last one wont have me there or any of us. i think this is what has kept me going after i realized how sad this was.

[stfujayyy]

bellum omnium in omnes

[stfujayyy]

HAPPY EASTER 🐰🐣

[stfujayyy]

Inside my mind...

[stfujayyy]

[stfujayyy]

✞ 666 ✞

[stfujayyy]

✞ 666 ✞

[stfujayyy]

✞ 666 ✞

[stfujayyy]

✞ 666 ✞