steviewrites

[steviewrites]

Lately I’ve been struggling with my mental health. Drowning is a more accurate term.

I was stuck in a rut. 

Get up, go to work, come home too exhausted to move, go to sleep. Play this on repeat for a year and a half and you’ll have what my life was. 

My husband was annoying me, my kids were always too loud and in the way and there wasn't any space in my head for a single thought, let alone space to create. 

My home life suffered, My family suffered and my work suffered.

What I didn’t realise at the time is that I was suffering from intense burn out. And what I have termed my mid-life crisis (ongoing) 

A little over a month ago in the height of my crisis I quit my job without having any backup or any plan going forward because I physically and mentally couldn't do it. 

So here I was at 32, a husband, two kids and oh yeah just (as in three months ago) bought our second house. So no, not in a financial position to quit my job.

I didn’t even care, it didn’t even register on my mind how stupid that decision was because of how much better I instantly felt after sending in my resignation. 

I was offered three jobs before I even got through my two week period so there was never much stress. (I’m very aware that could have gone another way. But I am also aware of my skills in my field)

I mention this because of what I got as a result of leaving a toxic job, because that's the point to take from this.

I got breathing room. I got to pause.

I got the ability to see my life for what it is and what’s important. In doing so I have set myself on a new path in getting to a life that I love and have dreamed about for so long either being to afraid to go after it or thinking it was stupid to try.

I think there is a feeling you get at my age where you think that the life you have is the one you have to keep, because you're too old to start over. But screw that! I owe it to seven year old me to realise her (and my) dream of becoming an author.

Day 24 of 100 days of journaling.