stevia-spice-andallthingsnice

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[posted by u/nekkedpebbl]

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Me when i take a solid poop:

vs me when i have Diarrhea :)

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This one got me 💯

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Can my eating disorder either go away completely or be bad enough that I’m actually skinny

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Most people don’t understand the guilt factor of eating disorders

It’s not as simple as “you starve” or “you binge”

I feel guilty for eating. I feel guilty for not eating. I feel guilty for even thinking about food

Like do you understand??? I feel guilty for THINKING about FOOD

FOOD

Something as menial and simple as food. Something as necessary for survival as food.

I feel like a horrible human being for thinking about eating food. I feel disgusting for even entertaining the idea of food, let alone the idea of eating it. I feel anxious every time I have to go out with friends and I know that I’ll have to eat. I feel like dying when I do eat. I feel like I don’t deserve food. I feel like I don’t deserve it.

So no, it’s not as simple as “Just eat! One bite, it’s not going to do any harm”

It’s not as simple as “You don’t have to binge, just control yourself!”

I don’t have the luxury of thinking of food in such simple ways. I don’t have the luxury of thinking of food without wanting to die

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IT'S SOO TRUE

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Lol

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(My) Reasons why it’s not bad enough to get help

 I still give in to my cravings

 I’m not scared of food yet

 I always binge over the weekend

I rarely ever fast successfully for 24 hours

on ‘good’ days I’m still eating around 700-800 calories, and I feel guilty for that

my BMI is healthy, but I’m still closer to being overweight than underweight

when I tell my boyfriend or my family that I lost another pound, they congratulate me 

when I purge after a meal, I never get everything up.

people at work still call me ‘thick’ jokingly

my thighs still touch, my arms aren’t thin and my ribcage doesn’t show

I’m not skinny - yet

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You know the fast is serious when the joint aches and pains set in.

Hour: 51 / 73

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Me: Anorexia is a disease.

Fat Acceptance Advocate: Amen!

Me: Anorexia is not attractive.

FAA: Fuck, no, it’s not!

Me: Not eating enough is not healthy.

FAA: Completely true!

FAA: Get those women some cheeseburgers!

Me: It is completely possible to recover from anorexia and get to a healthy weight, and maintain it!

FAA: Yaaaassss, help those skinny bitches!

Me: Obesity is a disease.

FAA: The fuck did you just say?

Me: Obesity is not attractive.

FAA: Wow, that’s fucking cruel.

Me: Over-eating is unhealthy.

FAA: You don’t know shit about my metabolism.

FAA: Weight and food aren’t connected!

Me: It is completely possible to lose weight and get to a healthy weight and maintain it!

FAA: ALL DIETS FAIL.

FAA: YOUR WEIGHT LITERALLY CANNOT CHANGE.

FAA: YOU ARE A FATPHOBIC BITCH.

FAA: FUCKING DELETE YOUR BLOG.

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Is it just me or does anyone else feel different when they’re hungry, like my body looks different to me after I eat, like I can go the whole day not eating and I’ll feel skinny and my collar bones will seem to stick out more and my waist will be a little slimmer, But then the instant I eat feels like I grow 2 sizes bigger and all of a sudden I’m fat again and never want to eat again.

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Problem with being a rational person with an irrational disorder. I am very aware that it’s not healthy, not good and I know where it came from. I just can’t get myself to change it

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look not to spoil the ending but you’re going to recover and be happy

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Brain: If you starved yourself, you would be happier

Me, sitting down with my brain: