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today, now
i dont feel depressed. i feel nervous. a feeling ive felt ever since i could remember. i am not sad, i am just afraid. afraid of what? the ifs, ands, and buts. nothing merely important than my life. i strive to help myself live. to experience without fear. ignorance is bliss.
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finding me
i have a hard time feeling me. i dont recognize that peron in the mirror. when i do look i am afraid of who i see. in my brain i picture someone much different. i know my old soul. shes an old friend. i have so many great memories with her. the person i see now isnt her. it isnt me. it is hard for me to digest these situations. when i try to tell others they look at me with that almost rude look. i hope to someday find me. others like me as well.
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think
do people think like i do? do they understand things like me? i have come to find the answer is no. with so many people on this planet it is hard not to find myself feeling alone in my head. understanding my journey is difficult but fun. keeps me going most days. the out of body feeling of unknowing is also a huge feeling of anxiety. why dont i know more? can i educate myself or is there supposed to be no answer. time will tell.
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