stephanidwitya

[stephanidwitya]

Marriage Story

I've just finished rewatching Marriage Story movie and feel the need to put this writing down as a reminder to myself.

This movie is undoubtedly outstanding, it has a compelling story and strong characters. It is intimate and quietely heartbreaking. My take on this movie is that often times two people who once deeply love each other might be too obsessed with a certain "final goal" they set by themselves, and lose themselves in the process. They lose the very essence of a relationship; the emotional connection, trust and mutual respect.

This happens to so many of us. We take someone for granted, we dissmiss the importance of the process, and just let it slip...

When in fact, everyone wants to feel wanted, to feel that they are worth to fight for.

Marriage sure seems scary as hell. Even if we get everything right, we still have to put continous effort to make it work.

[stephanidwitya]

Day 12 - Favourite TV Series

Absolutely, the one and only: How I Met Your Mother ❤️

I really love this series! I've religiously watched this series over and over again -- and came into different realizations each time I finished it. I guess, I can relate with the story in so many levels of life.

Each character in this series is unique, and I guess played perfectly by the actors.

BARNEY STINSON (Oh my gosh, where do I start?! 😂), he is super hilarious with all his ridiculously brilliant scheme to get laid and all his catchphrase! He definitely took the show to another level.

Ted Mosby, the designated to-be-loved (and pity) character, the hopeless romantic and his endless pursuit of love. His love for Robin is beyond ✨ which (I guess) everyone kinda wished to have a Ted in their life.

Robin Scherbatsky, the pretty girl everyone loves yet unbelievably more masculine than the other boys.

Marshall and Lily! The loveable couples and our role model in love life 🥰 Marshal with all his quirkiness and Lily with all her life lessons, the one everyone will turns to rely on.

Those words surely cannot sums up their character, so please spare your time to watch. Totally worth it!

You will genuinely root for the characters, you'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll get emotional, you'll get a picture of all kinds of love schemes that you can't imagine before, you'll feel connected that somehow each time you watch this series you'll gain different perspective and insights, you'll get a bunch of wisdom, and your heart will be full.

I bet it's goin to be....

LEGEND

wait for it...

DARY!

[stephanidwitya]

Day 11 - Talk about Your Siblings

My one and only sister, shionya Naga and a very proud Leo. Can you imagine? How dramatic she is and how she thinks the world revolves around her 😂

But that's how much she loves me as well. She truly fought like a lion to protect me, to make sure that I am safe and well. There are too many times that I think I won't make it without her by my side. Simply put, I really can't live without her.

No matter how tough our arguments, how hard we fought, and how surprising our life journey went -- we will always have each other back.

[stephanidwitya]

Day 10 - My Best Friend

There is a very few people in life that I can call best friend. The one that has been there since I was born, and the others that I found along my journey.

I am very grateful for all the friendships were made and I couldn't imagine my life without them.

The ones that stand by me when I hit some rough patches, the ones that understand and accept my flaws, the ones that listens to my repeated boring stories, the ones that laugh at the same silly jokes with me, the ones that always put each other's best interest above all, the ones that honestly remind me when I do something bad or foolish, the ones that simply be there in times of need.

No need to mention the names, because I always hold them dearly in my heart ❤️

[stephanidwitya]

Day 9 - Happiness

It took me some time to realize that 'happiness' cannot be a life's goal. Human has a wide range of emotion, and happiness is part of it.

It is something that we experience along with contentment, anger, sadness, surprising moments, and many others. Thus, it isn't fair to place happiness as something that we want to 'achieve' in life. Simply put, we can't always be in the state of happiness, it's not a finish line.

Getting older (and hopefully wiser?), I have learnt that my happiness lies in small simple things in life. As long as I have the consciousness to be grateful of those things. Seeing a Corgi's fluffy butt, enjoying an ice cream, or even some lame jokes from my boyfriend -- these all are the things that bring happiness to my heart.

[stephanidwitya]

Day 8 - The Power of Music

From visiting new places, falling in love, mending my heartbreak, when my life feels like falling apart, or I'm feeling up for a road trip - music has always been there accompanying my life journey.

Sometimes it's the lyrics, sometimes it's the melody, or even it's just the sentimental aspects from when I first listened to that song. Each music is tied up to a certain memory, whether it's good or bad.

Every part of my life has some kind of soundtrack. All in all, music is certainly very powerful.

[stephanidwitya]

Day 7 - Favorite Movie

I loveeee watching movies! 🥰 I can make a very long list of favorite movies but yea I am just lazy...

This one is my all-time favorite, I've watched it 4-5 times already! 😂

LA LA LAND

La la land beautifully portrays a 'real life' adult relationship; two people who fell in love deeply, but their pursuit of dreams and careers took precedence over any effort to maintain their relationship.

Instead of making a 'happily ever after" ending (like all those Hollywood and Disney fairytales), they offered a bittersweet ending, yet it felt truly honest and close to us.

What's touching my heart is the final scene that shows a fantasy montage of what their life together could be 😭 I guess that's why it's titled La La Land, a place of 'dreamy' imagination just as showed in that montage. The title also tells the story about L.A., where a lot of struggling artists came to pursue their Hollywood dream.

In life, we met a lot of people, might be fell in love multiple times as well. Though sometimes it cannot end up together, the love and dream that once shared between two people, are not any less important.

On a side note, the music was beautiful and jenius, the set and wardrobe are so prettyyy! and I love the strong charater acted by Ryan Gosling and Emma Stone ❤️

[stephanidwitya]

Day 6 - Single and Happy

I've come to a realization that these two words are not supposed to be in a casuality relation. Being single or not won't ever define our happiness.

Happiness, contentment, feeling of joy, and however you name it -- are the variations of emotion, which in life are always fluctuative. But, it certainly has to come from within our own self -- not defined by our relationship status.

Once I've been in a long-committed relationship and at some point I felt miserable. After an upsetting hurtful break up, I was determined to give myself some time. To understand myself and my needs better, to heal, to be able to look what I was searching for in life, to be more caring to myself, to deal with past traumas, to forgive myself, and a lot of other things that I need to 'fix' before jumping into another relationship.

Then it became such a long period of single days 😂 But, I've never viewed my single days as miserable. It was filled with fun times, various kind of learning experiences, and some stumble as well. I kept myself occupied (and mostly loaded by works), tried a lot of things, went to many places, met a lot of people, and also went on a date with various people (I was always being honest that commitment was not on the table).

Those experiences are critical in structuring my perspective on relationship. I get to know what I want and what I don't want from my future partner. I get to learn to love myself, thus I am able to love other person wholeheartedly without losing myself in the process.

Because love can't be rushed. It will eventually happen again. As I stumbled into someone that makes it all feel so easy to fall for, whom I chose to be committed to with sufficient logical consideration.

[stephanidwitya]

Day 5 - My Parents

Well, this one is tough... I almost hesitated to write this one, but let me try, for my own sake...

Sometimes I still remember vividly the days when my parents were screaming and throwing things at each other. They cheated on each other. They both had their own share in hurting me and my sister. My childhood was filled with pain, disappointment, and hate.

I always knew, even when I was just a little girl, at some point it was going to end up in a divorce. It was a messy one. Tell me your worst imagination about a divorce! I almost experienced it all...

Back then they didn't have the wisdom to know and the courage to decide that it's over. I never expected that there could be such deep hatred between two people that once shared love.. and I almost surrender to the thought of never getting married.

But here I am, still trying to put all the pieces back together and learning to believe. Well, not much I learned from my parents (at least on the positive notes); only what not to do in a relationship, what not to do as a parent, and what I wouldn't want to be growing up.

After all, they are my parents. I owe my life to them. I guess somehow they managed to show me that they love me and I love them back anyway -- it's an unconditional one (since we can't choose our family). Whatever they did in my past, those are the ones that shaped me into who I am today. The invaluable experiences that taught me to presevere through any kind of turbulence, to bounce back, and to rely on myself.

[stephanidwitya]

Day 4 - Places I Want to Visit

Where do I start?

I suppose this seems-like-never-ending pandemic has taken its toll on each one of us. I haven't board on any flight for more than 1.5 years. The furthest place I've been in a while is Puncak, I guess 🥲

Once I dreamt to travel around the world, I wanna see the beautiful landscapes of New Zealand, I wanna ride a gondola in Venice, or simply go sailing on Komodo Island, and there are lots of other places.

But for now, I just want to visit some places I once experienced as a home. Bali, my whole family live there, what other reasons I need?

and surely trip to my growing-up hometowns: Magelang, Solo, Jogja.

Let's cross our finger and pray this all will over soon!

[stephanidwitya]

Day 3 - A Memory

That little girl sat in a car with her whole family, mom and dad, her sister and a beloved dog. They went to a beach 3-4 hours long drive from home, for a weekend. Stayed in a small villa right in the front of the sea, she went swimming and catching small fishes, running around the beach with her dog. They watched sunset together and had a nice dinner by the beach.

The view was exquisite, the food was super delicious. They had a good laugh and talks.

My childhood was rough, messy and complicated. But that moment, though a little bit blurry, is one of my fondest memory.

[stephanidwitya]

Day 2 - Things that Makes Me Happy

There's A LOOOOOTT of things that makes me happy 🥳 (yea I'm easily excited)

Starting with today's breakfast! This morning I had an avocado toast with a sunny side-up -- this instantly makes me happy. Oh, a bowl of pork ramen, ice cream, donuts, pastries, gorengan, all kind of meals 🥨🥪🌭🍕🍔🍤🍱🥗🍟🍪🍧🍓🍗🍜 anything! and of course my all-time favourite: chicken satay! Good food always makes me happy, easily.

and lot of other things: Binge-watching a favourite series. Watching a live musical or theater. Playing games and becoming so competitive. Having a good sleep. Going around on an art-gallery and pretending to understand the art. Sing along in a concert. That feeling after deep-cleaning my room. Swimming in the sea. Planning a holiday. Conversation with people with similiar sense of humor. Feeling accomplished after doing something right or excellently! Watching sunrises and sunsets. Reading books or just hanging out in a beach. Gentle strokes on my hair. Forehead kisses. Holding hands...

and above all: feeling loved 🥰

[stephanidwitya]

Day 1 - Personality (?)

I put a question mark there because often times people overvalued and overgeneralised the term 'personality' -- into everything, any aspects of life.

I hold a bachelor's degree in Psychology, so yea there are a lot of people asked whether I can 'read' their mind or guess their personality type. Believe me, I had enough 😌

As I cited from the American Psychological Association, personality refers to individual differences in characteristic patterns of thinking, feeling and behaving.

Thus, all the personality theories out there are studies about patterns -- an attempt to understand the similiarities and differences pattern among different people and different groups. The results of most personality tests can be used to help you understand yourself better, moreover to develop yourself (both in personal and professional context), to find a better way in interacting with other people, and to help you make a better decision in daily life. On the contrary, people tend to use their personality test result as an excuse for their bad behavior, or misfortunes, or simply laziness -- for instance "I cannot speak in public because I am an introvert!".

No, personality type doesn't work like that, darling...

Okay enough with the long-paragraph introduction and get to the point of the 1st day of my writing challenge: describe your personality...

Well, I honestly have a hard time in describing myself. So here's my test result of that famous 16 personalities:

Often times it feels true, I am an Assertive Debater, an Extraverted-Intuitive-Thinking-Prospecting person and all those explanations of personality type.

But I can say that I'm a lot of other things too: I could be very argumentative, but often times I could just get along with others. One time I could be a bubbly cheery one, other time I could be drown in sadness. I could be the mature one in a relationship and sometimes I could be so childish and possesive.

Because, I believe that change is the only constant thing in life. Our beliefs, feelings, and thoughts are constructed by every conversations we had, every books we read, every movies we watched, every falling in love and heartbreaks we had, every friendships we made, every dreams and aspirations we had. All those things are something fluid that change overtime, so are humans and personalities.

[stephanidwitya]

Going to do this! Eventhough I still got a looooot of works to do but yea let's procrastinate and do other unnecessary things 🙃

[stephanidwitya]

If One Day I Have a Daughter

Dear my future daughter,

I hope you grow to be a woman with depth...

the one that sees something beyond the surface,

the one who is self-sufficient and resourceful,

the one who has aspirations and never lose hope,

the one that chooses to understand first before ask to be understood,

the one who understands that people are consist of many layers and very complex, thus people don't feel judged around her.

the one that can embrace her wide range of emotions; when she feels sad or in pain, she acknowledges that and let herself vulnerable for a while; when she is happy, she is feeling it deep and able to celebrate.

most of all, a woman of depth loves herself and understands her self-worth.

I hope you understand that even with flaws, you are beautiful and worthy, you are loved.

Because, let's be real, society has set an unrealistic standard of 'how a perfect woman should be' and this will somehow affect you. For example, one day you might find that even the man who declares his love to you profoundly, suddenly follows or likes a picture of a random girl on social media. Or worst case (but hope it won't ever happen to you), you get cheated on -- this kind of things might makes you feel insecure and feel that you are not good enough for him.

But, I hope you grow to be a woman who understands that self-worth goes beyond what lie in appearances.

You, yourself only are worthy. You deserve to be treated well, always. Remember that your parents will always love you no matter what.

I hope you get to learn all those things in your time growing up, as I am still learning too.

and one day, I hope you get to meet a man who understands all those things, who loves you, who feels content with you; that yourself is enough for him, who respects you and holds you in high regard -- as I hope, the one that you call your father got this too.

[stephanidwitya]

Pesan-pesan untuk diri sendiri supaya tetap waras

Halo Tya, belakangan ini (dan tentunya masih banyak hari-hari ke depan) terasa berat dan membingungkan ya. Tapi kok kadang takut ngerasa egois kalau mau mengeluh, soalnya banyak sekali di luar sana yang sedang mengalami cobaan-cobaan yang begitu berat.

It felt like I've already tried everything in my power to stay afloat, but often times I still found myself feeling super exhausted and want to do nothing. Other times I might cried myself to sleep. Or in some other nights, my eyes were wide open all night and my mind wandered here and there -- feeling overly anxious about many things.

Even when everything is going well in my life, deep deep down there's a thought that something will happened and messed up my life, again. It's like... "something is coming, I knew it! just wait for it -- it's either you, Tya, or... I don't know, but it must be".

When in fact, I one-hundred-percent realized that it was all in my head. And obviously, I don't want it to be some kind of self-fulfilling prophecy. No, I hope it won't.

It's okay, Tya. Some days are bad, but there are lot of good ones too. Remind yourself that you deserve good things in life.

Kirim doa untuk semua yang sedang cemas, bingung, terpuruk, sakit, marah, sedih, kehilangan dan berduka

Hang in there! Kalau hari ini begitu berat, kita jalanin pelan-pelan, satu per satu. I hope you all find something to live for, event the smallest simplest one.

Jangan lupa bersyukur ya, Tya.

Untuk semuanya, setiap hal-hal kecil dalam keseharianmu. Semoga dengan bersyukur, bahagia lebih mudah hadir di hati ya ❤️

This too, shall pass!

[stephanidwitya]

dumping some old photos from all around Indonesia...

Traveling soon? #fingercrossed