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It is SO excruciatingly difficult for me to trust people. How do you trust people when you can't trust your own mother? How do you trust people when you can't trust yourself? How can you trust anyone when no one ever trusted you?

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— Maggie Nelson, Bluets

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You still haunt me. Or I haunt myself into thinking you do. I can't tell the difference anymore. Maybe I never learned. Maybe I never will. But I feel haunted.

via weheartit

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Forugh Farrokhzad, tr. by Sholeh Wolpé, from Sin: Selected Poems of Forugh Farrokhzad; “On Loving”

[Text ID: "I'm so filled with you / I want to run through meadows, / bash my head against mountain rocks, / give myself to ocean waves. / I'm so filled with you / I want to crumble into myself like a speck of dust, / to gently lay my head at your feet, / cling fast to your weightless shadow."]

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via weheartit

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musings on coffee (pt 1)

Ivan Kolisnyk (Still Life with Coffee), Mahmoud Darwish

˗ˏˋ☕ˎˊ˗    

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Snowflakes fall from her eyes

Turning the world around her white

Like a lake frozen in time

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I am so sick and tired of being awake.

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sitting in her room and getting bored all day is the bravest thing a girl can do on a sunday

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3:13 2_ sept,2o22. Why are men inseparable from their 'my way or the highway'? Why? Why is it that when you feel like it..you can waltz back in and say what you have to say and how you decided to say? I hate you. I hate you because you made so weak. No i hate me for being so weak. And I can't explain what things happened the way they did or how in any universe this might ever make sense, but I fell in love with you. I loved you so much it consumed my entire being. You can pull out your wise guy card and try to psychoanalyse my statements...but I hate you..and with passion I want to hate you. I am sick and tired of looking at myself through your eyes, your words. It is crippling. And.AND. you don't even know what you did or what you're sorry for. You made me come down on my knees. And so I did. Happily. With gratitude. With love. Not guilt. With a I can't be without you. I need you. I never saw love. I never saw two people being in a relationship. A proper one. I have not seen, been proper.you did. You are. Why did you not steer me in your direction?? Why did you suffer silently? Why did you wrap up my existence with yours? Why did you not leave? Because you are weak. And a coward. You said you loved me. You never did. I was your habit. You were mine. I couldn't sleep without you. Could you? We never had to though... I haven't slept in peace for a long while. Do you remember the stories you'd say?? We'd close our eyes and go to fields and mountains and rainbows and what not. You don't remember...I don't need much. I can conquer through the day yes. And I am. I just haven't slept in peace for a while long. I remember your eyes. You're an asshole for the thinKing it's fine to just send an apology over text. Did that make you feel good?did that clear your conscience?? Do you feel like the better man?? Do you not feel selfish at all??? Do you not see what you have done to me?? I see you. I see what I have done. And I came to you, on bent knees, hands held out..with nothing but love. And you took me in for blood. I have been selfish too. I loved you because I couldn't be without you. I couldn't breathe without you. I couldn't sleep without you. I loved you to live. I loved you because I needed you. And you don't deserve that love. You deserve a beautiful love. You and I, we are both selfish. We have both been fool in love (?)...whatever love is.

We were meant to cross paths. The first day I was supposed to see you, I missed you by seconds. Car ride back from our friend's place. Crammed together. You were so polite. Can I tell you the truth? I knew something would happen there. You and I. I just didn't know it'd kill us.

But, I am happy. I am trying to be. In my own fucked up ways? And I know you keep going at it.

Uhm what if..? What if we knew better? What if I knew better? What we both could be happy together?

You scare me now.