starwarsyouneverknewyouneeded

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As you’ve probably figured out by now (it’s been--years?--since I last posted), the blog is defunct.

The original point of this blog was to make fun of Disney’s desire to generate more profits expand the Star Wars universe with the A Star Wars Story sub-franchise, but since they’ve shifted it over to Disney+ series, the fun’s gone out of it.

While I won’t be posting anymore, I’m going to leave the blog up in case anyone at D+ wants to develop these ideas for posterity.

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My ideal Star Wars movie would be a nature documentary of cute space critters narrated by the robot from Rogue One, who clearly knows nothing about nature and is making the descriptions up as he goes along.

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Nice to see Daisy suggesting an idea for this blog.

When you found out about [Rey’s parentage], were you surprised about what you learned, or in the way it’s divulged? … I think quite a few questions that people have are answered in this. It’s Jar Jar. Jar Jar appears, and that’s what shocked you. It’s actually Jabba.

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this is the most relatable thing i have ever seen in my life

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Yes. Yes it does. 

Also, despite shenanigans, what ultimately calls the engagement off is when she realises Thor’s dad is actually a cannibalistic serial killer.

Princess Leia and Thor meet at a Disney royalty mixer and take a liking to one another. They decide to marry to unite the multiverse, so Han teams up with Loki to stop the upcoming nuptials.

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Princess Leia and Thor meet at a Disney royalty mixer and take a liking to one another. They decide to marry to unite the multiverse, so Han teams up with Loki to stop the upcoming nuptials.

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On a search for his father, Star-Lord and the Guardians of the Galaxy arrive in the Empire and end up challenging Boba Fett to a dance off.

[Cue hilarious HISHE scene in which Vader thinks he might be Peter’s father.]

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A group of Jedi out exploring the universe come across a galaxy far, far away in the future where a one-eyed Mace Windu runs an organisation of secret agents and superheroes.

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I’ve recently come to realize that Star Wars is actually shit so I will no longer be doing this blog.

APRIL FOOLS!!!

I declare April to be cross over month. Stay tuned.

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Clearly, because they didn’t hire me as the writer. 

Yoda adjusting to life on alone on Dagobah. Kind of like Castaway, only instead of Wilson the volleyball he’s made the entire Jedi council out of rocks and acts out scenes with them.

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In another universe, Star Wars is just a story, but people have embraced the image of Princess Leia in their efforts to resist an evil tyrant....

Oh, wait.

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Yoda adjusting to life on alone on Dagobah. Kind of like Castaway, only instead of Wilson the volleyball he’s made the entire Jedi council out of rocks and acts out scenes with them.

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A series of Jacque Tati-style slapstick comedies starring none other than... Porkins!

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The wholesome love story of how Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru met.

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A musical version of the Holiday Special.  With seagulls. 

Idea supplied by @bratwurst-poltergeist and @derangementofepitaphs

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Darth Vader enters a pod race for old time’s sake, and all the other racers are terrified of beating him, but there’s one who’s brave and/or stupid enough to try.

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20 Minute Abs with Master Kit Fisto:  Fitness Through the Force!