starving-moonprincess93

[starving-moonprincess93]

long time, no fucking see

- well that’s over now, guess who’s relapsing..

i tried to eat properly for a while and it did work for some time, i wasn’t fasting, bingeing, purging and i only very rarely restricted. but i still hated my body. i had some better days were my body image wasn’t complete shit, but for the most part it was unbearable and it still is. that happened in march-april.

fast forward to my next admission in the beginning of may (due to an unrelated suicide attempt). i took this chance to restrict again, since i wasn’t there for my eating disorder that time and they wouldn’t be watching how much (or how little) i’m eating. also i could only access food during meal times which would make it impossible for me to binge because i never binge in front of others. it was the perfect plan, i planned how much i could eat which would look „normal“ but what would never exceed 500 calories and it worked.

but sadly i only stayed there for a week, then they put me in the crisis unit in isolation because i was apparently too suicidal (which i was not but whatever). i stayed there for almost 6 days and i did not eat a single thing. that was my longest water fast ever, 134 hours and i dropped to my lowest weight in months. during the two weeks i was admitted i lost about 10lbs, surely a lot of it was water weight but still, it made me feel great. and my body looked so much better, like my stomach was way flatter. before i had some water retention everywhere, especially in my face (which is the worst!!) and after my fast it was all gone.

but as soon as i was discharged i wanted to try recovery again. shortly after that i started bingeing again and now i gained everything back. i swear i feel SO disgusting and i won’t fucking accept that. i will fast. for a LONG time. 35 days, five weeks, the last week of april and the entire month of june. i will be skinny.

[starving-moonprincess93]

The Ana Handbook

(Or, a masterpost of pro Ana tips and tricks that I’ve compiled which together basically form…………..Yeah, an Ana Handbook. Most posts aren’t mine. Enjoy!)

 Ana Tips

200+ Pro Ana Tips

Ana Guidelines (@skinny-celestial)

Ana Post, Super Long

Tips For A Successful Fast

200+ Thinspo Tips

Pro Ana Tips

How Many Pounds Can You Lose In A Month?

True Ana Tips

Healthy Restriction Tips

Veganism

When You’re Ready To Recover

Recipes & Food

Safe Foods (at Restaurant Chains)

Sugarfree 15cal Iced Coffee

Meal Ideas 

Low Cal Recipes

100 Calorie Meals

Why Is My Green Tea Gross?

Starbucks Iced Coffee

200 Calories Of Good Vs Bad Food

Low Cal Recipes

Is It Vegan?

Trick Foods

Ana Grocery List

Low Calorie Baking Substitutions

Lazy Ana Snacks And Meals

Ana Recipes

Fasting

Tips For A Successful Fast

 Hunger Distractions

132 Hour Fast

Fasting Masterpost

Fasting 101

Fasting For Ana

Basic Fasting Tips

Vitamins While Fasting

Preparing For Dry Fasting

Fasting Tips

Workouts

The Drop 10 Workout

Leg Workout

Really Good Workouts

Workout Ideas

Spell Your Name Workout

Loads Of Workouts

My Favorite Workout (@skinnyrose666)

Exercise Calculator

Random Workout Tips

Exercises You Can Do In Your Room/Bed

2000 Calorie Workout

Before Bed

Binging/Purging

Binge Prevention Tip

Unexpected Things From Losing Over 30 Pounds

Tips For After You Binge

Anti-Binge Guide

Things To Do Instead Of Binging

Hungry? Distract Yourself

Eating Lemons (To Curb Binging)

Keep From Binging & Ruining Fasts

Binge And Purge Tips & Tricks

Purging Tips

How To Avoid Binging

65 Things To Do To Avoid A Binge

Shit To Watch When You’re About To Binge

Binge Tips

Calorie Counting

Fruit Factoids

Calorie List

How Many Calories

Calorie Counting Tip

Calorie Counting Apps

ED Problems

How To Get Less Bloated

Holidays With An ED

Bloating

Stop Binging And Purging

Preventing Hair Loss

Anti-Bloat Smoothie

Stop Missing Food

Handling An Intervention

Hiding Your ED

Purging

Thinspo & Motivation

50 Reasons To Carry On

Noticing The Changes

Reasons To Get Skinny

Don’t Eat

One Day At A Time

Reasons To Lose Weight

Goal Weight Rewards

Thinspo Tips

[starving-moonprincess93]

clinic food rules💌

only eat fruit, yogurt, salad (&dressing)

stay under 500cals

purge if you eat anything but safe foods or if over the calorie limit

drink at least 3 glasses of water with each meal

no sweets, bread etc.

DONT BINGE ON THE WEEKENDS

♥️♠️♦️♣️♥️♠️♦️♣️♥️♠️♦️♣️♥️♠️♦️

example day:

breakfast: apple 80

skip first snack

lunch: salad with dressing 75

second snack: pear 75

dinner: banana & yogurt 200

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

i know that i need to recover sooner or later but it’s just not working in the clinic. they dont take me seriously and i can easily restrict because they literally don’t care about how much i eat. as long as i eat a tiny bit of food theyre happy.

i gained so much fucking weight, like 10lbs... i need to lose it again & i need to lose it fast. maybe some day when i'm skinny i can think of recovering but tbh i just don’t deserve it right now

[starving-moonprincess93]

Reblog the pumpkin king and you’ll lose 5 pounds this week

(just do it)

[starving-moonprincess93]

i will be skinny

wednesday, 11/21/18, 4:29 AM

16h into my fast. it will be a strict water fast with absolutely no calories until saturday 11/24 noontime (at least 96h, i would love to go for 100h). i will break the fast with vegetable broth.

after that i will start a clear liquid fast that allows minimal calories (<100) through coffee, broth, juices etc. i want to continue that for another 48ish hours until monday 26/11 after school.

to make a smoother transition to solid foods i will break the clear liquid fast with a full liquid fast for another 24h where i can eat yogurt, mashed fruit without pieces, thicker soups and so on.

tuesday 26/11 after school i will have solid food again. i will prepare half of the frozen veggies and half of the vegan meat and divide that into 2 small servings. i will eat those until 8PM. the total intake for that day would be just under 250 calories.

wednesday 27/11 i will repeat the same thing and prepare the other half of the food.

from thursday 28/11 on my calorie limit will be 300 but i will try to stay around 200-250.

[starving-moonprincess93]

motivation for fasting/to stop bingeing 🌟🍒

why do you always binge? ——you feel like the food would give you comfort, that you will enjoy it and that it'll give you satisfaction. but what happens in reality? ——you feel good for 5 seconds and then start to regret everything. guilt overcomes you and won’t leave for the next few days. and it shouldn’t ever leave, because what you did was horrible. you could be at your gw if you would have some fucking self control.

because of the guilt you start to fast to even out the bingeing, which is great!! but as soon as you weigh 0.1lbs less than your pre-binge weight you break your fast. and that always turns into another binge. which leads to guilt and then fasting again. you can’t break this cycle because you have no self control. and that needs to change.

this time you will fast for 4+ days. you need to lose all the weight you gained during the last binges. you know that you can do it, you have the willpower to fast for days but you don’t have the self control to restrict afterwards. but this time will be different.

you will break your fast saturday, not before 12pm, preferably around 2pm or later (108h-115h). break your fast once you are at home after your school event. prepare half of the frozen veggies and the vegan meat (240kcal) and divide that into 2 portions. those will be your meals for the day and with coffee your total intake will be under 250 calories. repeat this on sunday so that you will have the other half of the veggies and vegan meat for 240 and coffee.

no excuses. no "i have an exam today and i need to be energized" or "i have PE class and i don’t want to faint" or "there’s this school event i need to attend and i need to eat there". NO! fuck that shit, honestly. if you are really honest with yourself you’re just saying that to binge again.

you don't have energy no matter if you eat or not, eating won’t give you a good grade in that exam that you didn’t study for in that class you never paid attention in. food is not a mysterious solution to your problems, it’s the cause.

you want to avoid fainting? well good, because you've never even fainted once in your life. why do you think you will faint this time? you won't & even if, who cares? at least that means it’s working so suck it up princess.

you don't need to eat. you just don’t. don't eat.

[starving-moonprincess93]

ugh

i've been in a vigorous binge-fast cycle for the last 3 weeks, literally binged every time i ate and then fasted for 2-3 days. i know that fasting is what’s causing me to binge but i just can’t stop it, after bingeing i just feel like i don’t deserve food ever again and i just have this intense urge to fast for days. (is that a form of purging?? i don't use lax or throw up or exercise excessively tho)

this weekend i binged two days in a row, fasted for 24h and then binged again last night and i feel so fucking disgusting and gross and i want to fast until next saturday (12pm-ish, 4 1/2 days).

i have an appointment in a clinic on friday and i just feel like i need to lose more weight in order for them to think i'm valid and actually sick even though i know that that’s stupid. i'm already on the waiting list and will be admitted in the upcoming weeks & my ed isn’t the only reason why i'm going there (it’s not a specialized ed clinic, just a regular hospital with a mental unit for teenagers). i really don’t need to prove anything to anyone, since it was even the idea of multiple professionals that inpatient treatment may be whats best for me right now.

i just can’t stop thinking that no one actually takes me seriously, that i don’t deserve help because i'm not sick enough and not skinny enough and that everyone thinks i'm a faker, an attention seeking brat but they pity me so they do all of those things.

[starving-moonprincess93]

friday, 9/11/18

1:00pm

i started a liquid fast on tuesday evening after a binge. wednesday it turned into a strict water fast.

that means i've been liquid fasting for 68h and water fasting for roughly 40-45h.

i'll break my fast with some almond milk coffee, soy yogurt and a banana.

theres a birthday party on saturday evening and i'm really afraid i'll binge. they know about my ed and offered me to eat dinner before i come, but there will probably still be some snacks around and there’s breakfast in the morning.

last party i was at i binged and then cried in the bathroom and asked my mom to come and pick me up. i don’t want this to happen again.

technically i could make this my spike day, but i couldn’t accurately count all the calories because a) i don’t have the labels and b) i can’t weigh the exact amount that i eat, so it would just be a lot of guilt and give me anxiety.

ugh i don’t know.

[starving-moonprincess93]

*∴✧⋅∘ november plan ∘⋅✧∴*

✧ 300kcal net limit; 600kcal limit without removing burned calories

✧ spike day to boost metabolism after every 4 days or so of restricting; consume at least 800kcal, limit is 1200kcal

✧ fast for 24h at least once a week, preferably after spike days.

✧ intermittent fasting!! eating period starts at 1pm and ends 7pm (daily 18h fast).

✧ try to sleep enough! sleep deprivation increases appetite by 15%, you'll have less energy than you have anyways (since you heavily restrict calories duh) & the more time you are awake, the more time there is to eat and fuck up. aim for at least 6h on weekdays and 8h on weekends.

✧ stay hydrated and drink water!! super important, calorie restriction can make you very dehydrated. water has only benefits, drink at least 2L a day.

✧ NO JUNK FOOD. not if it’s within the limit, not if it’s a spike day, never! why eat a single 50kcal oreo if you could have a more satisfying, filling and healthy serving of fruit?

✧ no bread/pasta! it always leads to binges and has so many calories. if you have an incredible craving chewing and spitting is okay occasionally, but not often!!

✧ DON'T EVER BINGE! what does binging give you? satisfaction? no, you just feel uncomfortably full and fat and you'll be so guilty. you won’t even enjoy the food when you just stuff yourself. just don’t binge.

✧ if you feel like binging always eat fruit!! doesn’t matter if it’s over the limit, binges are never worth risking, a little bit of fruit won’t make you gain weight.

✧ always walk to school and back home (60 minutes), burns over 200kcal a day.

✧ workout at least 4 times a week, but try working out at least a little bit daily.

✧ do something to earn your meals, e.g. clean your desk or do some self care. you only get to eat something if you really deserve it.

*∴✧⋅∘ *∴✧⋅∘ *∴✧⋅∘ *∴✧⋅∘ *∴✧⋅∘ *∴✧⋅∘

the goal for november is 47.5kg/105lbs

i can do this

i will be skinny

[starving-moonprincess93]

i felt kinda good about myself so i wanted to document

[starving-moonprincess93]

Random ED things nobody really talks about

Being jealous of friends or people who have been severely underweight/ hospitalized

Hundreds of awkward angle body checking photos

Looking at the size of your legs/body in every mirror, reflection, shop window

Being disgusted at watching people eat

Comparing people’s body size and weight to yours before noticing anything else about them

Being obsessed with cooking/dieting/food programmes

The pain of hitting your hip bone on a table

Hating yourself for judging anyone who is healthy or overweight

Being proud of your lowest weight once recovered/weight restored

Eye rolls when anyone without an ED discusses their new diet/weight loss

Eating every tiny bit of a specific calorie portioned food because damn if you’ve counted those calories you are gonna enjoy them

Feeling embarrassed for eating ‘unhealthy’ foods because people assume you eat nothing/survive on lettuce

‘Wow you’re actually eating’ kill me

Not enjoying excercise or wanting to work out

Alternating between being scared of all food and wanting to consume everything in sight

Really horrific awful bad breath (like seriously bad)

One day you’re too scared to eat a tomato the next you eat chocolate without worrying about it

Looking in the mirror after eating and feeling like you gained 20lbs

The anxiety and embarrassment of buying laxatives/diet pills

[starving-moonprincess93]

personal inspiration & motivation 💓🌿

🍃look good in every piece of clothing, every style fits

🌿be able to borrow clothes from everyone; they will never be too small and if they are too big it'll look cute and oversized

🌱getting skinnier means you won’t fit into your old clothes, so you need new ones and can reinvent your style

🍃never be embarrassed when people see you in your underwear, e.g. in changing rooms

🌿everyone can pick you up and you can finally sit on anyone’s lap without crushing them

🌱people finally notice you, no one pays attention to that average girl

🍃the cheekbones & big eyes!! my face will look so much better with all the baby fat finally gone

🌿collarbones, shoulder bones, chest bones, ribs, hip bones

🌱flat stomach, thigh gap, perky boobs and butt, dainty hands, skinny wrists, thin arms & legs

🍃no one would ever think i'm lazy; skinny girls have power and dedication, fat girls are lazy

🌿people would actually worry about me and finally acknowledge that my problems are real. they would finally care

[starving-moonprincess93]

1:40am, 10/25/18

tomorrow (actually today but yk) will be another spike day to boost my metabolism. really scared of eating so much but it'll be worth it. i will lose weight that way.

i planned all of my meals and snacks and they add up to 904kcals which is like twice as much as i usually eat. tbh i just doubled the portion sizes of my regular safe meals because i'm too terrified to actually eat pasta or stuff like that.

my dad just came back from working abroad last evening so it’s good that i eat more tomorrow so it’s not too suspicious. i dont want him to find out about this ed thing, he wouldn’t understand. my mom already doesn’t understand and i don’t need a second annoying parent to tell me to "just eat".

[starving-moonprincess93]

I JUST BINGED FOR TWO DAYS STRAIGHT AND DIDN’T GAIN A SINGLE POUND!!!!!!

💕🔮REBLOG FOR BINGE IMMUNITY ~ PROTECTS YOU FROM GAINING AFTER THAT AWFUL BINGE🔮💕

[starving-moonprincess93]

recovery?

i'm currently in a state of mind where i realize that i have a serious problem. this is not just me wanting to be "a little bit skinnier", i'm sick and need help. i have an eating disorder and at some point i have to recover. i can’t keep on doing this forever, i know that now.

but the thing is: i don’t want to recover right now. i don’t want to be sick but i'd rather be dead than fat. this sounds so stupid and i know it is, but that’s my sick brain with my disordered thoughts. i'm aware them now, i used to think that was just me wanting to lose weight, but it was anorexia. everytime i yelled at my mom for making me food, everytime i told myself to keep on pushing myself, everytime it was this parasite in my head.

my friend, who just recovered / is still in recovery of anorexia, suggested a clinic, she said that really helped her and she couldn’t have done it without treatment. i'm seriously considering it but my anorexia still tells me i‘m not "sick enough". i can’t have an eating disorder because i'm not "skinny enough".

even though that my true self is "awoken" and recognizes the lies ana is telling me, my body is still controlled my her. i still use all of my disordered behaviors and i'm not gonna stop.

my head is a mess. both voices are just screaming at each other and i can’t think clearly. i'm scared of recovery and i'm scared of continuing like this..

[starving-moonprincess93]

info about me

(disordered eating behaviors)

5'5 // 112.4lbs // 16y/o female

lost 17-18lbs in 4-6weeks

calorie counting of every single calorie

weighing every single ingredient/food (like spices or vegetables)

restrictive diet for about one month (always under 1200, mostly under 400-500 calories)

skipping meals, fasting, chewing and spitting, burning "excess" calories over limit with exercise (though rarely)

extreme anxiety around food / meal times

having safe / fear foods

avoidance of high calorie foods / foods with unknown calories

avoidance of eating in company

striving to lose more weight, even though it’s not necessary or even healthy anymore

"binge eating", though very rarely and only relatively small binges but with the feeling of loss of control and being extremely upset and guilty afterwards

food rituals and rules (cutting up food in tiny pieces, only eating one piece at a time, drinking a lot of water during meals, eating very slowly...)

punishment if rules are broken (e.g. fasting for at least 24h)

use of diet pills (appetite control pills before meals)

thoughts constantly circle around food, everything has to have a connection to food to be interesting (playing cooking/farming games, watching mukbangs (to satisfy cravings))

being incredibly irritable when it comes to food; no one is allowed to cook for me, no one can touch my food, no one should know what exactly i eat; questions about food make me angry ("have you eaten yet?" or just "do we still have X or do we need to buy more?" -> does not even involve me directly / doesn’t imply i need to eat anything, still makes me very uncomfortable)

planning every meal (& meal times) ahead to avoid spontaneous meals (=more/unknown calories)

perceiving oneself as not thin enough despite being on the edge of being underweight

daily (or more times a day) checking of body, weight etc.

throwing away fear foods or generally food i don’t want to eat

more coming

[starving-moonprincess93]

Don’t treat yourself with food

Treat yo’ self with

💓A bubble bath

💓Going shopping

💓A manicure

💓A new hairstyle

💓A day off from exercising

💓Arranging your room

💓Watching a movie

💓A nap

💓Art

💓Taking cute photos

💓Houseplants

💓Video games

💓Concerts

Feel free to add something 💞