starryeyedkid

[starryeyedkid]

i’m gonna heal. no matter what it takes

[starryeyedkid]

my friend sent me these photos of him and i wanna make it my wallpaper he is SO incredibly beautiful

[starryeyedkid]

rose i like you so FUCKING much this is the third year in a row what the actual fuck

[starryeyedkid]

please be happier without me. because i’m miserable without you.

[starryeyedkid]

i know i need to heal first before being able to love you again. i know this was for the best. but this feels like a new wound in itself. it feels like i’m going to bleed out from how much this hurts me. i want you back. i want you to be mine again.

[starryeyedkid]

i miss you so much it physically hurst me. i miss being loved by you. i miss being the most beautiful person in your eyes. i miss the feeling of being in your arms. i miss being comforted by you. i miss those blue eyes. that golden hair. your laugh. your smile. the way your nose crinkles when you’re focused really hard. the way you drop everything for me when i’m breaking down. i miss you so much.

[starryeyedkid]

i miss you so much

[starryeyedkid]

he did things to me that i didn’t even know could be there. i stay silent because each time a word falls from my mouth another sting from the past gets bulldozed under my skin. i hate this so much.

[starryeyedkid]

i have stretch marks everywhere, my arms and thighs are too big, my shoulders are too broad, i’m too short for my age, my face is too round, my fingers are stubby, my stomach is too big

[starryeyedkid]

i crave for everyday to be like clockwork. i hate this feeling of constantly expecting the worst to happen and doing everything i can to prevent it.

[starryeyedkid]

a little embarrassed to turn 19 next year because i’ll sound like a little 12 year old faking my age

[starryeyedkid]

seriously if you’re under 18 please don’t interact, i talk about some dark stuff and i just don’t feel comfortable exposing minors to that

[starryeyedkid]

finally back 5/15/22

jesus tits i have so much to say

i have a boyfriend now. we've been together for a little over 2 months now. i'll call him elijah. believe me when i tell you that he is truly the sweetest man i have ever known. he treats me like a queen and i honestly don't deserve him. i've known him for 9 years and yet i'm only realising now how much i could love him. i'm such an idiot. i'll make another post about him soon.

i joined my school's danceworks team. our final performance is on june 3rd, so thats great. if that wasn't enough to tire me out i also joined my school's track and field team. i'm only really interested in doing javelin or shotput, so at least my legs won't be entirely worn out.

EUPHORIA SEASON 2 HERE ARE MY THOUGHTS 1)okay so jules and rue got together kinda which was great, but jesus jules is so problematic this season. like she cheated on rue, again, with the guy that she accused rue of having a crush on. AND after she claimed to no longer be interested in men. like bestie what are you on you were my favourite in season one now ur just letting everyone down 2) elliot is kinda a useless character, i get he was put in to represent someone who enables bad behaviour (in this case rue's addiction) but istg it just seems like he was there for the sole purpose of giving rue and jules problems in their relationship. i will say, however, i didn't mind his song. a lot of people were hating but those people just wanted to see maddy beat the shit out of cassie 3) cassie WHAT THE fUCk okay like it's not just that she hooked up with her best friends ex, she hooked up with her best friend's abuser. she knew the kind of hell nate put maddy through and yet she still pursued. i think she'll get a redemption bc what her character represents is so important, but god it was so satisfying watching maddy beat her tf up. she deserved it. 4) lexi is like the best character this season. her play, while questionable at times, shows how rue's addiction impacted everyone in her life, not just herself and her family. the parts she included about cassie were fucked up, but like fez said, some people need to get their feelings hurt. lexi was even hesitant about showing the school in the first place. honestly i loved lexi this season, she got the recognition she deserved and i hope that her and rue can work things out again. same for her and fez, i love them. 5) FEZCO>>> okay so his backstory was a perfect start to the series again. he deserved a backstory episode more than anyone and i absolutely loved it. it started with that hallway and ended in that hallway, iykyk 6) kat. deserved. MORE. i dont know what happened between her and sam levinson but her story arc deserved more. she introduced toxic positivity within social media but that was about it. they wasted her completely and i'm angry 7) no one can say that euphoria glamorizes drug use after episode 5. its so raw and emotionally complex, it brought me to tears and zendaya deserves that emmy more than anyone. i can't even begin to describe its layers without going on for hours. 8) bye mckay, you were raped purely for shock value. sorry man. 9) this season was like, really messy. it wasn't that bad, but it had the unfair task of living up to season 1- a masterpiece. i just hope season 3 is worth the wait.

i took a break from tumblr because i just didn;t have the time to formulate my thoughts into it. but, i love this. it's my diary and i want to check in more often. bye for now <3

[starryeyedkid]

i'm just really confused taylor

[starryeyedkid]

all he did was leave me on seen and when i tell you i’m just slightly devastated

[starryeyedkid]

i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he was dead i wish he w

[starryeyedkid]

just going from my phone here, but, MERRY CHRISTMAS!! and 2021 is a simulation, i can’t believe its over. like i swear this shit didn’t even happen