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Book Time!

So I decided to write a book. I’ve been on a lot of wacky dates and honestly am getting tired of dating. Hopefully, that will change after this pandemic ends. During this time of quarantine, I decided it would be the best time to start the book. I’ve averaged about a chapter a day currently, but that may slow down a bit to make sure that the writing is good quality. 

The book will be loosely based on my experience with dating apps. The story follows Mia a 30-year-old woman who finds herself single for the first time in a decade (sound familiar?). When Mia goes on her first date after the break-up she thinks the dating scene has become hell. Mia confides in her friends they get a kick out of her rating system and issue her a challenge, to say ‘yes’ to every date and rate it. Mia agrees at first but soon finds herself exhausted with so many terrible dates. She also begins to feel pity for the men she is rating. 

After 50 dates Mia meets two men that change her mind about the dating scene. They’re polar opposites, but she can’t help falling for either of them. This leads Mia on a journey to find out what exactly she’s looking for and if it’s really love or self-love she needs.

I will not be posting the chapters online since they could easily be stolen and claimed as their own. However, I will post small updates and let you know when the finished product has been published.  

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David (date 4)

This is a steamy one, so if things above PG13 make you uncomfortable start scrolling away.

So, I have been on the fence about David. When we’re together things are great. I’m super attracted to him and he makes me laugh. I really enjoy his company. However, he never talks to me outside of setting up another date. I’ve tried initiating, but I don’t get much back from him. I’m starting to worry he’s in a committed relationship and I’m the other woman. 

Anyway on to the date... We met up at 7 pm to see a movie. Zero handholding in the theater, we saw 1917. It was a really well-done movie, but it was super intense. Like I’m not sure I want to bone after seeing people get blown up, but maybe that's a kink. I don’t know.

After the movie, we went to a bar and got drinks. I get tipsy pretty fast so I’m a bit of a cheap date. At this point he had me giggling like a madman and I was basically feeling him up at this point. I have a five-date rule, but I was feeling frisky and was not about to let him go without getting some. At this scroll away if you have virgin eyes, it's about to get raunchy.

We head back to my car and a very heavy make-out session starts. Like this is as intense as the movie. Me having a little bit of liquid courage, I started to undo his belt in 30-degree weather. I should note that although my relationship ended not too long ago, I haven’t had sex in three months. He stopped the make-out session to ask if I was sure which was really cool of him to do. I like that he asked for consent. Even if he’s secretly a man whore. So we get into the car and clothes are coming partially off and he stops us and tells me when he was last tested and asks me about my test and birth control. I’m thinking we ain’t raw doggin’ yet. Ya’ll he brought a nonlatex condom because he remembered my allergy. He even asked if I preferred to use a condom until we knew each other better and I said yes. This is the only thing that has made me think he’s not a man whore. He also told me I was the only one he was seeing, but people lie when they’re horny so I take that with a grain of salt. We proceeded to have very passionate loud sex in the backseat of my car. It was a quicky because we were in public and we were slightly worried about being caught. It was amazing! He is super hot and a very generous partner. So while the virus is going on I’m gonna help him quarantine at his place. Yes, the plan is to basically shack up with him for the next couple of weeks. 

My sober brain is kicking me for hooking up with him. I really shouldn’t have. I just don’t feel like I can trust him. You might think I’m just having trouble opening my heart up again, but it’s not that. There’s something not right and I can’t for the life of me find out what it is. 

Rating:

Conversation: *****

Style: *****

Personality: ***

Sex: *********

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One day you’re going to remember me and how much I loved you…then you’re gonna hate yourself for letting me go.

Aubrey Drake Graham

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Upcoming Dates

James - Friday

David (date 4) - Saturday

Jae (date 3) - Sunday

Sam - Postponed

Cameron - Pending

Aaron - Pending

I’m really tired of dating... It’s really exhausting.

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Moving on from past love...

When is it too soon? What's an acceptable range of time to start dating again?

You may have heard of this absurdly stupid rule where you divide the length of the relationship by two and add something or some giant BS like that. If you want to go that route, by all means, have at it. Below are things that actually determine if it's too soon.

Can't stop comparing others to your ex. If you are on a date and you are actively comparing the person in front of you to your ex then it is too soon. A little comparison is okay and perfectly natural. Especially, if you are avoiding certain qualities that your ex had.

Can't stop talking about your ex. They are here to talk about you, not your ex. A little explanation of your last relationship is fine, but if every other sentence starts with "my ex" get up and leave because you are too hung up. People that do this tend to bring a lot of emotional baggage into the relationship resulting in another failed relationship. Step away and take time for you. You will find Mr. Right. I promise you the dating pool is vast and you will find someone that meets your needs. Be patient.

Being clingy or title seeking. This is a sign of insecurity. You need to work on you before bringing others into your life. This is for both the chronically single and individuals freshly joining the dating scene. These types tend to cheat when they feel their partner is distancing. They fear being alone and that is not healthy. Let the new crush have their space. Respect boundaries and if you like to communicate all the time be upfront about it so that they can make the decision to continue seeing you or not.

Cyber stocking your ex. FULL STOP. You are not ready to move on. Stop, it's over. Work on you. Work out, get a hobby, something.

While there are more indicators of not being ready to be out there these are the biggest red flags. There is no set time limit. You're ready when you're ready. My ex had a girlfriend a week after our nine-year relationship ended. He's happy and I'm happy for him. This is the sign of maturity and a sign that it's okay to start looking again. If you hold on to anger and resentment it's going to do nothing but make you miserable. Don't let people tell you how long you need to be solo, only you can determine that.

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David (date 3)

This week has been a shit show. Between lack of sleep and the stress of looming finals, I was a mess. Let me paint this picture for you. I woke up 30 minutes late and realized Aunt Flow decided to pay me a visit. Well, there goes my sexy panties in case idea. So I throw on my standard “booty” shorts. They’re more like shorts than underwear, but whatever. I then get dressed. For some reason, I forgot about my date and dressed like a bum. My holiest jeans, a terrible fitting and unflattering crop top, and these business flats with Tinkerbell duct tape on the heel (a story for another time). Luckily, I did my makeup because my face looked like I was some sort of horror movie monster and I didn’t want people to get scared while I walked from class to class. Then I roll out late and it’s pouring down rain and I look like a wannabe sexy beach bum from Cali, only without the sexy. I was like screw it, I’ll be fine. Then while I’m sitting in class I get a text from David and I think FUCK… After the sexy panty idea, I completely forgot about my date. So there I was 20 minutes before meeting him thinking well it was fun while it lasted and maybe he should be rating me instead. Today I’ll be rating myself and my date. 

Rating: 

Conversation: **** (talks too much, but entertaining)

Style: ** (looks like a hot mess without the hot)

Attractiveness: *

Personality: *

On to the date... David got off of work early and met me near my school. He went for the handhold nearly instantly but after the steamy makeout session from last time, I expected at least a peck. Although the conversation was great I was starting to feel a lack of chemistry. I couldn’t tell if he wasn’t feeling me or I wasn’t feeling him. I mean I did look terrible, so maybe he was disappointed that I actually look like the above description on the regular. We hung out for an hour and then agreed to meet later in the evening for a comedy show. Upon meeting later I almost felt like he had lost interest completely. During the show, I made it a point to touch him discreetly to see if that sparked anything. On another note, that comedy show was hilarious. Someone did a bit on dating tall girls that had me in tears. Someone also did a bit about Diva cups that almost made me pee myself because it was such a horrifyingly accurate description of the product. After the show, we went outside the bar to decide what to do next. He grabbed my hand again which caught me by surprise since I was positive he wasn’t interested anymore. We then proceeded to do the most interesting thing I had done on a date. Go shopping for a pint of ice cream to split. While we were sitting there we discussed our likes and interests mainly hovering around comics. He would grab my hand and hold it on occasion. He then proceeded to walk me to my car where we acted like rated R high schoolers. The deed was not done because Aunt Flow decided she had to be in the middle, but it was still a fun end to the evening. Honestly, during some of the conversations, it really sounded like he wanted to start moving into the boyfriend stage. I don’t if I would move into that stage with him. I’m looking for something specific this time around and I’m not sure he’s it. For now, it’s fun. Date four is in the works.

Rating:

Date Originality: ****

Style: *** 

Conversation: *****

Chemistry: **

Adult Stuff: ***

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Remembering I have a date with David tonight. My nerves are through the roof!

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Upcoming Posts

The following are the dates I have set up. Keep your eyes open for the dating review. 

David (This Friday)

Jae (Next week official day not picked)

Sam (Next Saturday)

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David (date 2)

On date two I thought David had stood me up. It was ten minutes passed the original plan to meet. I messaged my friends not sure of what to do. They told me to wait ten minutes before leaving. Right as I was about to leave I got a message from David. He had lost track of time and was on his way. He was super apologetic. When he finally arrived, the conversation was instant. We clicked just like last time. This time he sat next to me and would periodically move closer. After eating and listening to some awesome flute players we decided to walk around town a bit. He was pretty confident in grabbing my hand and we walked around giggling like two kids. Walking and talking with him felt so right. The conversation was easy, he was attentive, and didn’t mind me being a little weird and awkward. I accidentally told him that I don’t shave my legs in winter and that I wear boxers because I like the freedom they provide. Goodbye, sexy points. Instead of being grossed out he laughed and made jokes at my expense. Finally, he walked me back to my car where we shared a steamy make-out session before setting date number three. It was AMAZING. I was feeling like a woman and I couldn’t wait to see him again. The only issue I foresaw was my tattoos. He’s Asian. I have tattoos and for most Asian men that’s a deal-breaker. He hasn’t seen them yet because it’s been so damn cold. I plan to talk to him about it on date number three. I hope it goes well because I have a bit of a crush. The other issue is there’s zero conversation when we aren’t together which is disappointing. 

Rating:

Attractiveness: *****

Conversation: *****

Personality: **** (deducted for lateness)

Things in common: *****

Kissing: *****

After Date Communication: *

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Caleb

Caleb wasn’t really my type, but I had accidentally matched with him and didn’t want to crush his soul so I agreed to go out with him. When we met in person at a local brewery I was pleasantly surprised by his appearance. His dating profile had terrible photos. In-person, he was actually kind of adorable. But, it wasn’t the I want to jump your bones type of attractive. We got our designer beers and sat down and began talking. We actually had a lot in common but the spark just wasn’t there. He also shared very similar likes to my ex and it became even more off-putting. I ended the date after my third bathroom trip. I told him that I enjoyed our conversation and began leaving. When I got home he texted me saying it was the most fun date he had been on and he wants to see me again. My heart sank. I couldn’t lead this very sweet guy on. I told him that I could see us as friends, but that I just didn’t feel the chemistry. This didn’t deter him and he asked if we could hang out again. He wanted a chance to prove there could be a spark. This came off as clingy and desperate which concerned me. I kindly told him that I wasn’t interested in dating him and that I was sorry. He didn’t message me back and I felt like a shitty person.

Rating:

Attractiveness: ***

Conversation: ***

Personality: ***

Things in common: ****

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David (date 1)

When David and I began chatting the conversation was slow-moving, but then it suddenly picked up when we discovered that we had the same love for Japanese game shows. He asked me a question and before answering he said “Wait, tell me in person. I have to meet you. When are you free?” We set up a date for later that day. With an hour to get ready, I slithered into my skinny jeans, put on a top that showed off my assets a bit, and then got my crazy hair under control. I was off and nervous as hell. Even though I had set up a date with Cheng first, David was my first date since the breakup. I nearly hyperventilated walking to the coffee shop. I entered and saw David and he was even sexier in person. My face showed that I thought he was attractive too. I couldn’t believe this beautiful man wanted to go out with me. I instantly thought there is something wrong with him, but I couldn’t locate it because of those damn rose-colored glasses. Anywho, we ordered coffee sat down and began talking. Conversation with him was so easy. He was so attentive and listened to every word even when I began to ramble. My ex never listened to me and even mentioned how annoying my rambling was. When I apologized for rambling David told me he thought it was cute and loved to listen to me talk. As our date drew to an end he scheduled the next one right then and there for Sunday afternoon. Y’all I left thinking I’m in love. I had to slap myself and bring my normally logical head back to reality. It was safe to say I was crushing hard on David. 

Rating: 

Attractiveness: *****

Conversation: *****

Personality: *****

Things in common: **** (I talked way too much)

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Cheng

I met Cheng on a dating app and based on his profile we seemed to be pretty compatible. His pictures made him seem pretty adventurous, social, and he liked dogs. Liking animals is a huge plus for me, so I started chatting him up. The first mistake I made was not talking with him longer through the dating app. He asked me pretty quickly to grab a drink at a popular bar and I obliged giving him my number in the process. We proceeded to message back and forth about the movies we had seen and liked. Things seemed to be going pretty well. I was excited that this whole dating app thing was going well. I had heard so many horror stories that I was honestly terrified that it was going to be an awful experience, and shortly unbeknownst to me, it would be.

I arrived at the bar a bit early and decided to buy my own drink even though he insisted on paying for the evening. I didn't want to be in a situation where I felt I owed him something if you catch my drift. When he finally arrived a sense of disappointment washed over me. His pictures weren't very accurate... He had a cute face, but his body left something to be desired. He was abnormally skinny. My muscles were bigger than his. I began thinking of our future together and realized I would have to open all the jars at home. I snapped myself out of it. Maybe he had a great personality. I didn't want to end up in another bad relationship because I chose a ravioli over a spaghetti noodle. 

We sat down and things got awkward fast. He was super quiet. I thought maybe he's just nervous and I didn't blame him because I was nervous too. My palms were so sweaty I  was surprised I could grip my beer glass. I began to try to make small talk and he replied with short sentences or one-word answers. I was getting frustrated and asked him if he was nervous. He said no that he just didn't like to talk... Okay but you're on a first date you kind of have to do that to get to know each other! Despite his answer and my bottled up frustration, I continued to play nice. "Yeah, I get it. I'm an introvert too." I said trying to hopefully breakthrough to this mime of a man. His reply is what made me say screw this I'm out.

"Introverts have ego problems. You must have an ego." He said to me. If looks could kill he would have been a pile of dust on the ground.

"Excuse me?!" I tried to force a smile at him.

"Introverts are worried about their self-image that's why they sit silently in corners. They don't want to hurt their egos." He said nonchalantly. 

"I don't have an ego. Being in large groups just makes me tired. I'm not worried about making a fool of myself." I stated with the sass of a teenager backtalking their parent. At this point, I told him I needed to leave. He walked me out of the bar and asked me if I wanted to come back to his place. I politely declined and reiterated I had to go AWAY from HIM. He tried to go for a kiss and I dodged with enough super speed to make the planet spin the opposite direction. I quickly walked to my car and left.

The next day I received a message from Cheng asking me to come over or hang out again. I again declined and was much more straight forward in telling him that I wasn't interested. He then proceeded to ask if I was breaking up with him. That’s when I rethought my entrance into the dating world. Was this common now? One awkward date and then bam you’re going steady? Nah, it couldn’t be. Dating hadn’t changed that drastically. I kindly let him know that I wasn’t interested in a relationship and wished him luck. The poor man was crushed. Yes, I have received messages pleading me to reconsider. I didn't realize I was going to become such a heartbreaker this time around.

Rating:

Attractiveness: ***

Conversation: *

Personality: *

Things in common: **

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Beginning my adventure...

One day I came home with a sinking feeling. Something hadn’t been right in my relationship. Thinking back on it now I don’t think things had ever been truly right with the relationship. This sinking feeling had been there for years and I was just doing my best to ignore it. Maybe my mind was making mountains out of molehills, but then my boyfriend of nine years walked through the door. I saw his face and began to cry. I knew what was coming. He broke up with me. No, let’s work on this or here are the problems can we fix them. Just you make me miserable. I would be lying to you if I said that I wasn’t crushed. After days of crying the tears suddenly stopped flowing. Clarity washed over me and I realized I was never happy. I never felt trust in him. It always felt like he was hiding things or not communicating fully. 

Finally, I was ready to get back out there and find Mr. Right (now). I downloaded a few different apps and began my swiping. To my surprise, I was pretty popular. I had convinced myself that no one would be interested in a 30-year-old average looking woman, but that response had me realize that either these men were desperate (possibly) or I wasn’t nearly as washed-up as I felt.