st4rving4rt1st

[st4rving4rt1st]

Absolutely insane about the Thelyss brothers in Vasselheim cause like

Essek the Bright Queen is RIGHT THERE SIR PLEASE - but then, so is his brother, his little brother he probably still thinks of as a child because they were allowed to be children so briefly before anamnesis failed to come and they had to make something of themselves as new souls in an ancient Den, and Verin is the youngest Taskhand of Bazzoxan and a highly accomplished Echo Knight but he’s going to war??? Against aliens and would-be god killers and Ludinus Da’leth???? And Essek is a heretic fugitive and selfish to his bones, but he loved his brother even when he didn’t think he was capable of love at all, even if he wasn’t very good at it. So he stays in Vasselheim and he makes sure that these strange, awe-inspiring legendary heroes know his brother’s face, his voice, his armour, so that maybe if he falls one of them will deign to pick him up. He thinks about his friends, far from him now (Caleb, out of his reach and likely preparing to do something reckless but too brilliant to be called foolish), and looks at his brother, who will also go, who might never come back.

And Verin??? The youngest son of his Den, the second new soul prodigy by necessity who never really understood his brother but loved him anyway, who mourned their father so hard that he tried to become him by throwing himself against the endless hordes of the Hells, who now answers the call of all the gods and Exandria itself to fight a war with impossible odds, offering himself and his soldiers as potential cannon fodder so that the legendary heroes of the age might emerge victorious? I need to know how long he’s known what Essek did (because I know that Essek confessed and part of him hoped that Verin would condemn him, his righteous, devoted brother), and I need to know if Essek faked his death or just vanished, and I need to know if Verin wept for him. Verin who loves his people and his country and his god, who believes in things like faith and loyalty because he’s never really had cause not to, who has to find a way to believe in his brother, too. He learns to recognize this Archivist disguise and a few others that Essek favours, and he stops referring to his brother by name ever just so he doesn’t forget at the wrong moment, and he carries the beat-up booklet of Ashari poetry that he first learned to read Common from that still has child-Essek’s penmanship in the margins and he thinks about how seasons change and how winter doesn’t really kill, it just rests, and the process of a butterfly’s metamorphosis isn’t really that far off from the Luxon’s decree to become your ever-bettering self.

Essek doesn’t say “come back” but he does say “fight smart” and Verin knows what he means. Verin wraps him in a spine-cracking bear hug, uncomfortable in his armour but Essek has gotten better about physical affection in the past few years and one day Verin intends to thank the Mighty Nein personally for that. Verin says “stay sharp” and then quieter he says “i’ll see you again” and Essek hears ‘in this life or the next’ and he very calmly and sanely doesn’t start screaming, but he does press a pearl to Verin’s forehead (Caleb’s variation of the somatics, a useless bit of sentimentality made powerful that Essek adores). And then they have to part ways before Verin rejoins the Kryn contingent and Essek disappears back into the crowd, two brothers finally on the same side but unable to stand together.

Anyway, I think they’re neat.

[st4rving4rt1st]

Gaslighting myself into picky eating is my favourite habit

You like food too much? -no you don't

You don't like ✨️low calorie healthy✨️ foods? -yes you do

You're craving your favourite food? -nothing is your favourite

You like chocolate? -says who, because you never did...?..

Over time you start to trick your mind into actually believing in those

[st4rving4rt1st]

Im so tired of constantly failing constantly overeating constantly gaining I don't want to look or feel like this anymore but like everytime I'm hungry and around food I completely zone out and I don't realize until I've already stuffed most of the food down my throat I don't know what to do tbh maybe I'm js not serious enough I hope I die soon

[st4rving4rt1st]

I'm so tired of being fat

I...my midsection is growing. I can feel my clothes no longer fitting

Until I can get Zepbound...I'm starving. That's it. I've changed my app to say I only get 1200 Cals max. Usually it gives me 2400 bc im active (barista and baker) but nah. Not enough.

I'm gaining even though I eat 1800-1900 a day and walk 8-10k steps

Done. I've started a fast and im gonna see how long I can go. And then after work I'm going on a walk or I'm doing the elliptical.

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Not diabetes, yet.

Insulin Resistance

And yet that isn't enough for me to get mounjaro or zepbound covered by insurance. No I have to get FATTER before they help me. I want to personally bitch slap every person who has ruined these medications for ppl who need it. My mom went 3 months without it. My boss 4. I can't even GET IT even tho my doctor said it would save my LIFE.

I am so angry and bitter bc im almost 30, and not even starving helps me lose anymore. But I can't get a GLP-1 cheap bc it isn't covered by my insurance AND I'm too poor to just buy it compounded. Yes 99-129 USD a month is a LOT TO ME. I just declared bankruptcy bc of medical debts!

It's just so fucking absurd that I'm sitting here at 260lbs, looking at the cure, and I cannot get it. I can't. I'm not sick enough. Just like i wasn't skinny enough for anorexia either in college even tho my skin was thin and my eyes were sunken in and my hair was thinning it didn't matter.

I just want to be healthy. It's like the universe wants me to die young.

Pretty sure I have diabetes despite working my entire life to not get it but...genetics are a bitch man.

Sometimes you starve and recover and then your body punishes you by making you crave and binge sugar and sleep for 15 hours bc it decided to stop processing glucose correctly!!

Remember: Diabetes is not "fat disease", it's a metabolic/autoimmune disease that causes your body to become resistant to insulin and to not process glucose. Weight gain is a side effect. But you can also lose weight too fast with diabetes. Genetics plays a huge role.

Do I still feel like a failure? Yes

Am I now diving head first into thinspo again? Oh absolutely

Can't wait to binge all of SSvsSS again lmao

[st4rving4rt1st]

Heartbreak is one thing

My waist is another

I beg you please dont make me eat

Motherfucker

[st4rving4rt1st]

I'm relapsing. It's decided.

I got promoted at work (somehow???) And now I need to get my ass in shape.

A lead at a popular coffee shop in town that's been in business 50+ years? Ppl like me? I'm paid well?

I should look like I've earned it too

6 months into my dream career in culinary places and I'm 260lbs. It's the heaviest I've ever been. I am 5'10". I don't "look fat" according to others but it's a lie. I know how to dress for my size to appear smaller and more cinched is all.

So back to it.

I walk 5-6k steps a day, I am on my feet I am lifting I am physically active. But no pounds lost. So something must give. Time to restrict.

[st4rving4rt1st]

Family bonding

[st4rving4rt1st]

My friend is trying to name herself, and she's like, "Oh, what's that name that's like marmalade, but it's a name?" and I know she means Adelaide, but I think I can talk her into naming herself Marmalade if I play my cards right here.

[st4rving4rt1st]

from ep 99 i think when it was raining on the boat and cad was real pissed when ppl went down

“There are three things all wise men fear: the sea in storm, a night with no moon, and the anger of a gentle man.” - Patrick Rothfuss

[st4rving4rt1st]

IWTV is sooo good at showing you things instead of telling you. The lack of intimacy in private between Armand & Louis is just so fucking loud when you look at the intimacy between Loustat even towards the end of their relationship.

[st4rving4rt1st]

Our fandom forbearers did NOT suffer through Anne Rice, strikethrough, and other bullshit for fucking ACOTAR and Harry Potter fans to fucking ruin it for all of us by selling fanfiction. I am not losing novel length yaoi epics because some of you don't know how to act in fannish spaces and yes I do blame the booktokification of fanfic but I also blame those of you that treat fandom like content to consume and not a community to engage with.

[st4rving4rt1st]

Redhead thinspo omg

4ever !!

[st4rving4rt1st]

Pretty sure I have diabetes despite working my entire life to not get it but...genetics are a bitch man.

Sometimes you starve and recover and then your body punishes you by making you crave and binge sugar and sleep for 15 hours bc it decided to stop processing glucose correctly!!

Remember: Diabetes is not "fat disease", it's a metabolic/autoimmune disease that causes your body to become resistant to insulin and to not process glucose. Weight gain is a side effect. But you can also lose weight too fast with diabetes. Genetics plays a huge role.

Do I still feel like a failure? Yes

Am I now diving head first into thinspo again? Oh absolutely

Can't wait to binge all of SSvsSS again lmao

[st4rving4rt1st]

Guess who's back

Back again

ED's back

Tell a friend (jk don't they'll make you eat)

[st4rving4rt1st]

[st4rving4rt1st]

I draw this to relax, but in the process fell into the very depths of apathy and a job that takes a day at most stretched into a week

Yeeeeeeah...

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