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I remember back in grade school our teachers used to have us do an essay about ourselves. They asked us our what we thought were our best qualities, our hobbies, our favorite things, and I remember everyone enjoyed doing this being that it was a fairly easy assignment. I also remember staring at the sheet of wide ruled paper with a blank mind. I’ve never really known who I am as a person. My personality changes like the weather, my group of friends mimicked a revolving door being that nobody stayed too long. I have always envied people who had their “shit together”. People that are always able to find an answer to questions about themselves. I used to be so creative and mindful and throughout the years I’ve gotten very lost. I feel lobotomized. Behind schedule. I missed the ride to the next level of being. I don’t even know if i’m sad anymore. I don’t notice my constant state of misery enough to try and get better because the pain is so normal, and I don’t know where everything went wrong. The only time everything has ever felt right is when I met the person who was equally as lost as I was. We filled in the missing pieces that we didn’t understand about ourselves and when we were together it was like we could finally breathe. We laughed at everyone that didn’t understand because we knew that they didn’t need to. When I found you I stopped trying to impress others, I stopped trying to figure out who I thought I needed to be and just let everything flow naturally. I learned to laugh again, I cried without fear of judgement, I took photos of myself and you because I never wanted to forget anything we experienced together. It’s been nearly 5 months since you’ve abandoned this sick world and you took me with you when you left. Music isn’t as beautiful, fresh air isn’t as healing, nights of going out and getting faced feel more like a party I wasn’t invited to. I guess you could say i’m lost again and i’m really not sure what to do without you. But I will leave you with this. I will wake up when my alarms go off, I will eat my lunch, I will laugh with my friends, I will love the sunrise and the sunsets, I will dance to music in my lonesome, and I will never stop loving you, lost boy, the way you loved a lost girl like me, in a world where words don’t seem to justify our consciousness. What I love about me, is you.

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die alone

how troubling and lonely it must be to live as a narcissist. all that love and nobody to give it to but yourself.

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:3

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“So crumple these paper buildings and taint water colour skies, I guess the paint hasn’t dried yet and nothing feels real it’s something I can not describe. It’s just something I have dealt with”

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THE ELDER SCROLLS V: SKYRIM — Scenery (10/?)

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