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82 YEARS AGO - BATMAN DEBUTED FOR THE FIRST TIME Eighty-two years ago on March 30, 1939, Detective Comics #27 hit newsstands, introducing the Caped Crusader for the very first time in a featured story called “The Case of the Chemical Syndicate.”

“And for all that fierce exterior, I’ve never met anyone who cared as deeply about his fellow man as Bruce Wayne.”  - Amanda Waller, Justice League Unlimited, Season 2 Episode 13 (2005)

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the audacity of the official dc account to even post this 😭

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Need a the Waynes Lived AU where Martha’s a vampire. She snuck in a Wayne Gala for a potential late night snack, but Thomas thought she was a socialite.

“So, what do you do?”

“I drain people of their life sources.”

“Oh, you’re a CEO too?”

She can’t drink Thomas’ blood because he smokes too much, the baggy eyes indicate long nights spent on his feet during surgery, which means it’ll taste bitter, and she saw him drown 10 whiskey shots in one go.

It’s a taste thing, nothing against him.

He is, how ever, very handsome, and she decided she’ll be his house cat for the time being. Fast forward two years later and they have a vampire cherub of a baby named Bruce.

Babies usually don’t come out with fangs and tiny bat wings, so, yeah. His wife’s a vampire. Cool.

“How come I’ve never seen your wife outside during the daytime, Tom??”

“How come I’ve never seen you mind your own fucking business?”

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Tim tells the Batclan he's going on a space mission with Young Justice for a few weeks, he's got everything sorted civilian side and his cases and patrol routes covered, and also if any of his usual Rogue's Gallery suddenly comes looking for him don't worry about it.

And all of that is fine and normal - except that last part hey Tim what the fuck does that mean?

and Tim just goes it's fine don't worry about it anyway gotta go bye! and then he just bounces

and everything is fine until not even a day later when Babs forwards them a video Red Robin uploaded to his social medias that is a music video of him (Red Robin) seductively lip-syncing along to Chappell Roan's "My Kink is Karma" against a backdrop of fail compilation clips of several of the villains Tim has a particular grudge against, including Azrael, Lex Luthor, and most prominently Ra's al Ghul.

so there's Tim, in a form-fitting catsuit styled like his Red Robin costume, in heels, feeling himself up with a video clip in the background showing Ra's tripping on his own robes and face planting into the brickwork, evidence he dyes out some of the gray in his hair, his sash coming undone and pants falling off in the middle of a fight, trying to swipe the effects of a glitterbomb off of himself, etc.

It all ends with the Mean Girls clip of "why are you so obsessed with me?"

The video is immediately viral.

(There's some clips of Red Hood in there fucking up but Jason can't even be mad because he's laughing so hard he's gonna throw up)

Tim's Rogues absolutely DO show up to Gotham looking for him, and while they all want revenge, Red Robin is THEIR arch enemy like HELL are they going to work with these other embarrassments, so they all start fighting each other and it is absolutely CHAOS (Lex decides discretion is the better part of valor and makes a statement that no of course he has nothing against Red Robin he has no idea why he was included in that video haha yes of course it was Very Funny when a bird accidentally pooped on his head he is Very Capable of laughing at himself Thank You, and then he quietly goes to one of his vacation houses and moodily drinks for several days waiting for things to blow over)

Tim, meanwhile, is having a wonderful vacation with Young Justice, catching up with Lobo and Slobo, chasing down some space pirates, and just getting out of Gotham and away from his Rogues trying to challenge him/seduce him/kill him/whatever.

Bruce is taking the constant psychic damage of having the image of softcore Red Robin erotica burned into his brain along with the realization that way, way, WAY too many of Tim's Rogues want to sleep with him like an absolute champ. (Dick is not taking it like a champ, Dick is taking it like an unhinged vengeful wraith and has had to be benched for trying to tear out Ra's throat with his teeth.)

Stephanie is having the Time of Her Life. Damian cannot look anyone in the eye and absolutely cannot look Ra's (or his mother who ALSO showed up prominently in the video) in the face and is Not Having the Time of His Life.

(Jason is with Steph on this one, he is having SUCH a blast, this is so fucking hysterical)

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Dick Grayson, watching Bruce sleep his way through the Justice League, have 17 different situationships, and leave a trail of ridiculous hot but emotionally unavailable exes in his wake: well that's not going to be ME when I grow up

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@hainingart

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Solace

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[wip] i managed to squeeze in a little tim doodle between commissions though not sure it will be rendered any time in the near future lolz

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This drawing may be doomed to be a floating head forever

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just another night in gotham

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I need more of the batfam acting like normal siblings in fics. Like you know that thing kids do when they’re stuck in the car for too long??

(In the same pretense as “I’m not touching you”)

Tim: I’m not even in crime alley

Jason: (pointing a gun at him) your foot is over the line

Tim: but I’m not in it

Jason: why are you even here??

Tim: wouldn’t you like to know weather boy

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The comic I did for the @gothamhorrorzine

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Damian: "My grandfather drives faster than this, and he's dead!"

Jason and Steph, leaning forward from the backseat: "Ra's died?!"

Tim: "He's still alive. He literally never--"

Dick, rolling his eyes, hands clenched on the wheel: "Guys he means Thomas."

Steph, slumping back: "Wow, I legitimately forgot about that."

Damian: "Every word that comes out of your mouth is a reminder--"

Dick: *cranks up the radio loudly*

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tim: mr red hood, i know you’re about to kill me, but can you just proof read my essay on macbeth before you mutilate my body with bullet holes?

jason: kid, do i look like someone who did well in school?

tim: …

jason, 4.0 gpa teachers pet, whose built like a tank and looks like an escaped convict: shut up, don’t answer that, and hand me your shitty essay

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The Robins(and 1 signal) + The Onion/Reductress headlines

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my lovely son waking me up to tell me he threw up.

us waking up my wonderful butlerfather to tell him he threw up.

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Baby Damian (and Jason)