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why is he laid up like this bye 😭

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something just feels so right about being a teenage girl and watching supernatural for the first time. like i'm giggling on my bed with my feet in the air as a watch three muscular men fight monsters and demons and ghosts. everything is just as it should be... the universe is in perfect balance.

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HQ handholding :) (thanks to Amberdreams on Youtube)

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BONUS:

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Heat of the Moment

I didn’t finish this in time for the 1st, so it’s a little late rip

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AHHHHHHH

love when he goes 😯

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— like if you use or saved ♡

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when i’m not busy marveling at sam’s beauty i’m instead filled with a deep sadness and despair at how truly tragic he is

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Supernatural S5E21 Two Minutes to Midnight

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i love it when a man looks all sad and beat up like yes baby come here i'll take care of you

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Everything is still bearable and nothing hurts too much - SN: 07x16

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everything is right in the world (misha collins said something deeply, deeply insane)

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meg was so real for this

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sam's faces and mannerisms in This Part Specifically... my sweet darling damsel in distress 🥺

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𝒓𝒆𝒈𝒓𝒆𝒕 - 𝒔 + 𝒅. 𝒘𝒊𝒏𝒄𝒉𝒆𝒔𝒕𝒆𝒓

❥ 𝒔𝒖𝒎𝒎𝒂𝒓𝒚 - set in s4 after Dean finds out about the demon blood Sam’s been drinking, you’re riddled with guilt because you knew you could’ve stopped it.

❥ sam and dean winchester x reader, fem!reader, sfw

❥ features: bloodjunkie!sam, posthell!dean, yearning lustfully, upset, slight violence, sam in the panic room.

❥ word count: 1,546

❥ a/n: this may be a little confusing to read so i’ll explain. reader is telling Dean about something that happened with Sam whilst he was in hell, it starts off with Dean and reader speaking and then goes on to reader explaining what happened and then back to Dean! I HOPE THIS MAKES SENSE LOL

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Dean had been trying to get whatever the hell it is you felt so guilty about out of you, but you just wouldn’t budge. You, Dean and Bobby were all at Bobby’s house- Sam downstairs screaming in the panic room he’d been locked in. Bobby had finally gotten you to sit down and tell them what happened that’s made you feel so much gut wrenching guilt.

Dean said your name softly, but the frustration was ghosting around him. “Please. Just tell us…”

You hesitated for a moment before taking a deep breath, beginning to recall the memory from a few months ago…

You walk into the dingy motel room that- no matter how many times it’d been cleaned- always seemed to smell damp. You were a dear friend of the Winchesters and had been for a while, so when Dean was sent to hell after his demon deal to save Sam’s life. You figured Sam needed some company.

You were right.

Sam was sat on the end of his bed, he hadn’t said much recently. About anything. You understood why of course, he’d just lost his brother, he blamed himself. You had sympathy pouring from your pores for him, his once so full and lively eyes now looked dead. Because a part of him was, loosing Dean was like loosing a part of his soul.

But you were trying your best to make him feel better. See ever since you met Sam, he caught your attention instantly. You two would lightly flirt with each other, nothing too serious. But once Dean died all that stopped, but your feelings for him stayed.

You had just been to the store to get a few DVD’s, snacks and beer. You walked towards him and sat next to him, taking the items out one by one.

“So. I got some beer and snacks- can’t watch a movie without essentials can we?”

Sam shrugged. You weren’t expecting a reply, so even that was something.

“And i didn’t really know what movie you’d wanna watch so i got a few.” you looked at the covers of them, they were less than a dollar each and looked pretty crappy. But being a hunter wasn’t a million dollar job sadly.

“Okay… i know they look bad but, never judge a book by its cover right?” you said with a smile. Which earned you a small nod from Sam which was alreadly half way through a bottle of beer. You hated to see him like this, the broken shell of a man he once was. Before he could raise the bottle again you gently put your hand over his that were gripping the bottle.

“Sam… please talk to me.” you said softly.

He scoffed lightly. “Talk to you? What is there to talk about.” he raised the bottle, finishing off the last of his beer before putting the empty one on the floor. He went to reach for another but you moved the case away, causing him to look at you.

“Sam your brothers dead.” it was a little blunt but true, the statement alone made Sam’s heart clench. “You have to talk about it… please Sam.”

Sam was quite, looking down at the ground with his head in his hands. You put a hand on his back, gently rubbing it up and down his spine in a comforting manner.

“In your own time…” you said quietly. The feel of your hand made Sam take a deep breath out, he then spoke.

“It’s all my fault…” his voice was alien to you. He sounded angry, upset, broken- everything. “He… he sold his damn soul to save me.” he was still looking down.

It was a hard pill to swallow for you, you couldn’t imagine how Sam was feeling. You shifted a little closer. “This is not your fault Sam.” your voice was so certain, there wasn’t a single doubt in your mind that told you this was his fault.

Sam shook his head, the tears threatening to prick his eyes. “How isn’t it?”

You thought for a moment, you could absolutely understand why he thought this. You lifted his chin up gently so he’d look at you. He looked broken, like he had nothing else to give.

“Because Dean had a choice. He could’ve chosen to save you and face the consequences, or lived the rest of his life without his baby brother. And he chose to save you.” You said softly, like you were approaching a wild animal and had to speak in a certain tone to avoid spooking it away.

Sam’s lip jittered slightly, the tears pricking his eyes.

“It should’ve been me.” you could hear the emotion balling up in his throat. “I want it to be me.”

“Oh Sam…” you said quietly, bringing him close to you, putting his head on your chest as he began to weep like a child. His hands gripped onto your shirt, like he had to feel you were real and here with him.

You held him as he cried, every so often he’d mutter something through his tears like ‘i miss him so much’ or ‘i wish he was still here’. You just wished you could fix this, take his pain away.

Eventually Sam straightened up, wiping his face with the back of his hands like a child would. He then looked at you, he was craving comfort and didn’t care what form he got it in. It was only now you realised how close you both were.

He lifted his hand to tuck your hair behind your ear, that pained expression still on his face. “You’re so beautiful…” he said quietly, his voice still shaky.

What?! Had you heard him right?

“You… what?” you replied, confused yet soft.

He let his hand run through the end of your hair, it was so soft between his fingers. Oddly comforting and familiar.

“I’ve thought it ever since we met… how amazing you are.” he swallowed, he knew this was a bad idea. But right now he didn’t care. “how kissable your lips look..”

Your head almost exploded at that. A part of you wanted to lean in, tease him and then kiss him. Smiling as you do so. But another part- the more dominant part- was telling you to end this before it got any further.

“Sam..” you said softly, you hated the fact you had to turn him down. Especially since you would’ve loved nothing but to be like that with him.

“No.. Don’t- don’t ’Sam’ me like that.” his tone was sort of angry, hurt more than anything. He took your hands in his. “You can’t just… this is something. It has to be.” it’s almost like he was begging you to give him the chance, you were the only good thing in his life right now. But you were thinking logically, you knew you’d mostly be a stress relief. And that’s not what you wanted to be. You took your hands out of his grip, putting them on his face instead.

“Sammy…” you said softly. “It is something… but that something? It’s not meant to happen right now. When it does happen, i want it to happen because we both need it.” you paused. “Not because we want it.”

Sam leaned into your touch, god he hated the fact you were right. He sighed softly and nodded.

“Yeah… yeah okay.” he stayed seated for a moment, you ran of your hands through his hair which almost made him flinch. He was so tense right now for so many reasons, so he stood up.

“I’m gonna go shower… you uh- you can set the movie up.” he said quietly as he walked into the bathroom.

You came to regret this moment.

Because days later, Sam stumbled across Ruby again.

He accepted her ‘help’.

She gave him the attention he so desperately craved from you.

It’s.

Your.

Fault.

As you finally finished telling Dean you were in tears, he was looking at you with a sympathetic look.

“That’s not your fault… how were you supposed to know? You did the right thing, Y/N.” Dean said as he got to your level, forcing you to avert your gaze from the floor to him.

You were about to say something else until you heard Sam start to scream again from the panic room, you couldn’t take it anymore. You had to get the hell out of there.

Everytime you heard his screams.

Everytime you heard him begging- pleading- for a god to come and save him.

All you could hear was sirens going off, screaming that it was all your fault.

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i lowkey came up with this idea and wrote it within 10 mins so it’s not proof read and may be a lil doody. BUT THANK U FOR READING !!

tags: @jztcas @gh0stlightss @viemonster @ar1nanna @whatif67

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I can't even begin to describe what this makes me feel