spilling-breakers

[spilling-breakers]

we clearly weren't as strong as we thought if things ended up like this

[spilling-breakers]

Scars would heal. I knew that, so I threw myself into the deep end. I knew you would hurt me, even as I promised myself to tread with caution. I knew my stupidity wouldn't bode well for myself; but how could you expect anyone in love to act rationally? Thankfully, the scars really do heal. And I would like to thank them for egging on my childish propensity to love you, and also protecting me from you--but mostly myself.

The truth is: I’m the one leading myself on, and breaking my own heart. 

[spilling-breakers]

I'm sorry, it was foolish to promise you forever. I never wanted to stamp an expiry date on us, but feelings dry out, and the magic goes stale. Nothing can withstand the sandpapers of times, we were silly to put up such futile resistance. So before I wear you out and down too, I want to leave while you still remember how we only shared good times.

how I slowly but surely turned into a romance anarchist. 

[spilling-breakers]

Don't bank on what ifs. Don't lead yourself on. It shouldn't be confusing. If he loves you, he'll let you know. If he's worth it, he'll prove it.

Lessons I learnt after reflecting over a can of Coke Zero 

[spilling-breakers]

this is how

wanting to go grocery shop with them and cook them surprise dinners

to brush your teeth while they’re doing no.2 next to you

their ambition makes you dream of your own 

scolding them for being lazy and they mock you for being naggy in return

when you want to play with their hair but also their nipples

receiving a call about their successful acceptance and you dance in excitement

choosing to love over distance and oceans 

ordering for no bell peppers on the pizza, as always 

when the I love you is so heavy on the heart; its hard to shout aloud 

and sounds better in a whisper before bed

-- how do you know you love somebody?

[spilling-breakers]

Maybe the saddest lines can't really be written, and the saddest thoughts can't really be uttered. And maybe, I miss you, is the closest thing we could have.

[spilling-breakers]

Entropy wills it: life on Earth will eventually fade-- or end abruptly. The universe is in constant expansion. At some point in time, all the stars will die, and every kind of life will cease to exist. In approximately 2 billion years life on Earth will be impossible since the sun will be way to hot and evaporate all the water here; not assuming a bigger threat makes us move sooner.

Dust to earth, in imminent total obliteration we stand

Matter is our vessel, shackled by our own mortality

Hundred billion have succumbed, 7 billion and more to be

Sent into a slumber beyond the hyperaware’s desperation to understand

The solace I’ve been offered is to not care, because the dead can’t care

I don’t fear the pain or the paperwork that comes with death 

But the garble of my words can only manage to spit out the antithetical:

I fear not existing

A chronic haunting and takes me down a spiral

After Philosophy’s loads of teaching, with not one poignant answer

After showers where the water has been left to stream too long

After egocentric inflation of my value to the universe

When each are competing protagonists, promised that we are more

Yet in reality we are so.... so small

Minuscule in all dimensions, pitted against the ever-expanding nothingness

Consider our purpose in life built upon a self-validated uniqueness

To be a human being-- to be a human being?

I still toss and turn tonight 

The reality of my skin against the sheets is terrifying to confront

Still I know I cannot live a life in fear

But there is fear in the life I live, and what comes after living. 

-- An anonymous existentialist. // There may well be almost infinitesimal fluctuations but other than that the universe as we know it will be dead.

[spilling-breakers]

Wasting all this time thinking about you

When you’d never do the same

[spilling-breakers]

I'll always try to make you happy. I want to be a ray of sunshine, and turn you into one for when I can't be there anymore.

me, getting sad thinking about my friends who are sad. 

[spilling-breakers]

sure you're eccentric, but that gives a good laugh. Then again, I haven't seen you when you're angry or sad. But you're a good character to begin with.

what a guy said to me, on the first time we met. 

[spilling-breakers]

[spilling-breakers]

That disappointment feeling you get when the people you love most in the world let you down, or get away from you. The kind of pain that makes you fall to the floor and hide away from the whole world. That kind of pain you think you’ll never get over.

(via n0t-that-kind)

[spilling-breakers]

You don’t feel like we’re drifting but I do. Maybe it’s because this friendship meant more to me from the beginning. You can’t feel the loss of something precious when you were never bothered to treasure it. I know the distance that grows between us in inevitable and we’ll never have the outcome I dream about sometimes, but our conversations have turned stale and forgettable and we’re morphing into strangers. We aren’t just too busy for each other, we’re losing connection. 

You don’t feel sad because you’ve never invested as much. 

So perhaps I shouldn’t have, because all I got out of it was pimples from overthinking and getting sad thinking about the what ifs. 

If there’s anything you taught me, it’s that people always leave. 

[spilling-breakers]

to K

You and I weren’t right from the start

And all I/you wanted was the company 

It wasn’t love. It never was. 

We were in love with the idea of having each other, unfortunately undeniably.

Why did I even try to start thinking that this might work. 

Why did I think that I could be the one who changed you.

I invested so much effort, not expecting much in return.

I was willing to set fire to myself to keep the way lighted up for you. 

I knew that was a stupid idea, but when you’re lonely and delusional

You’ll follow through with a conscious mistake anyway. 

[spilling-breakers]

more than seconds

I wished I never gave you chance after chance

to expect change

and to be whisked away by your little nothings

and forgive you again

making excuses for you

cheating myself

on top of you cheating on me

I have had it

and wished I had never met you

because now I am sad hurt and crying

and you don't feel a thing or two

[spilling-breakers]

I hate that you know how to wrap my little impressionable heart around your fingers

you know the ways to make your imprint on a girl, to make her think about you before you sleep

you brush her back, grab her by the hand, pin her to the wall, come so close to her, lie to her, offer to cook for her, not wanting her to cook in case she cuts herself, pushes her inwards when there are cyclists, help her carry groceries, puts your arms around her when you’re beside her, give her head massages.

yet she still isn't the only thing on ur mind. to you, this is a game. and you lie. and you make her wait for your replies. and she isn't the most perfect human being but she sure doesn't deserve to be treated like this. 

she can tell that you’re bored, and that you don't listen to her as much anymore. the moment you knew you got her wrapped around your finger, you’re zooming away.

and thats why she’s crying now, and wished she’d never let you in.

[spilling-breakers]

what i like about her is that she blooms whether you water her or not. whether you give her light or not. she exists without your existence.

iambrillyant  (via wnq-writers)