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TOMORROW IS HALLOWEEN

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TOMORROW IS HALLOWEEN!!!

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WITHERS JUST SLUT SHAMED ME IN FRONT OF A GRIEVING CHILD ☠️

Sir??? This child literally just found out her parents are dead. Can we have the conversation about my love life at a later date???

Time and place Withers! Time and place! 😭😭😭

...also, WHO TOLD HIM????

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Why did Otto make the cut for the ep 8 targ family dinner but not Rhaenys????

She was in the red keep too???

She travelled all the way from Driftmark???

She's related to almost everyone at that table???

Why was she not invited????

Viserys?????????

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At some point some of the kids played dolls (+toy cars in a modern au) with Viserys' Old Valyria model.

They painted parts of it.

They had dragon battles (read: threw the figurines at eachother).

Viserys nearly had a heart attack.

Haelena let her bugs roam the model streets and calmly declared that it's theirs after the doom.

Viserys collapsed. Otto had to catch him.

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Okay but what if...

Aemond says that Jace and Luke "will die in flames like their father".

Luke does not get that he meant Harwin.

Luke slashes Aemond's eye out.

Shortly after that Leanor dies. In flames.

Luke comes to the obvious conclusion.

Aemond killed his dad.

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I don't care how unrealistic and impractical it would be. I need a fic where Viserys' kids decide to put him in a nursing home.

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Modern AU. Vhagar is a vintage car.

A week before the 'Storms End Incident'.

Dearon: *getting out of the car* Well, thanks so much for the ride but... Your car did make a bit of a weird noise a couple of times. I think you should check your breaks.

Aemond: My breaks are FINE. This car is in PERFECT condition.

The breaks were not fine. Aemond almost committed vehicular manslaughter. (Yes, I'm keeping everyone alive in my dumb modern au because canon makes me cry enough actually)

Aemond: So.... ImayhavehitLukewithmycar.

Dearon: Fuck. Was it your breaks?

Aemond: .............

Aemond: I hit him on purpose.

Dearon: Aemond...

Aemond: I am an excellent driver. With full control of my vehicle at all times! THE BREAKS ARE FINE!

The breaks were not fine.

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Aemond was the first to get his driver's license. And because he has a car and is actually a pretty good driver, although he will always drive as fast as he legally can, people did ask him for rides sometimes (when all other options failed).

Aemond has taken to charging them for it and not all fares are created equal. Most of them are genuinely better off taking a cab, it would be cheaper.

He makes Aegon put down a safety deposit before entering the car.

Haelena gets free rides whenever she wants.

Daeron wouldn't have to pay that much anyway but Aemond forgets to charge him half the time.

Baela has her own car. She honks at him every time she sees him on the road.

He doesn't charge Rhaena a lot, mostly because he uses it as an excuse to brag about how he has a car and she doesn't.

Jace took one look at the three figure Venmo request for a 15 minute drive and became the biggest fan of public transport.

Luke negotiated a "You hit me with this fucking car." discount. Aemond did try to charge him for the ride to the hospital.

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Jonah Magnus never learned to cook.

Therefore Elias Bouchard, head of the Magnus Institute, London, cannot cook. He never bothered. Having grown up a Victorian Gentleman ™ he considers it to be beneath him.

He has however reached the point where he knows that it's embarrassing that he doesn't know how to turn on a stove. (Peter has made fun of him relentlessly). He still refuses to learn, but refuses to be mocked.

And so, the performance begins.

"I've seen Elias cook."

"Did you? Or have you just seen him plate things?"

"But...we've cooked together!"

"Really? Or was he standing by the sink, washing one vegetable for over an hour while you did all the work?"

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Vaemond: That is no true Velaryon!

Lucerys: Says the one with the shellfish allergy...

Vaemond: Well, there was absolutely no need to bring that up...

The Stepstones really weren't fun for Vaemond. He had to worry about getting eaten by the crabs AND eating the crabs.

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House of the Dragon but Dragon Insurance is a thing. Because damn it, you can't just burn dow half of the Riverlands! Someone has to pay for it!

You want to go out flying with your cousin-uncle-siblings? Not on that uninsured dragon you're not.

The Dragon Related Damages Insurance prices are spiking again? Prince Daemon must be back in town.

Alicent always wanted to go flying with Rhaenyra, but Otto refused to get her Dragon riding insurance.

Could you maybe try claiming a dragon whose insurance fees won't drive us to the brink of bankruptcy? No? You want Vhagar? Okay...

Larys finding out too late that Harrenhall was insured for Dragonfire, not regular fire, so now he has to fix it out of pocket.

Hey Luke, how well insured is Arrax? Just asking out of curiosity, don't worry about it. ☺️

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At some point during early season 2 the archival team goes out for drinks. It's a failed attempt at trying to get back to where they were before the worm attack.

The only person who genuinely appears to have fun is NotSasha. Look NotThem has been bound to the web table for decades at this point, they haven't been on a night out in ages. At this point the company doesn't really matter.

Either way, they all get drunk, but NotSasha gets DRUNK. Tim keeps having to make sure she doesn't fall over while they wait for a cab.

They can't get one. The busses aren't running anymore. All of their options are way to expensive. NotSasha insists that she'll just call her friends and they'll pick them up.

Breekon and Hope show up in their delivery truck. In their pajamas.

Jon, Martin and Tim can't clearly remember much of the ride home besides having to hold on for dear life to pieces of furniture in the truck. NotSasha just sat on one of the boxes, sliding around the vehicle, scrolling on her phone, unbothered.

Either way, the friendship between Breekon &Hope and NotThem is just very precious to me for some reason.

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Okay, it's Easter season and I'm bored at home so here it goes.

Modern hotd spring cleaning/easter preparation headcanons.

(For the sake of this, let's just say that Westeros has some form of an Easter equivalent idk)

* Rhaeneyra and Alicent work out a chore chart for the rest of the family. It was a grueling process. There was screaming, there was crying, there was flirting. But somehow it's done. They can just relax and supervise it all. Right?

* Viserys doesn't actually contribute to making anything happen, but he does keep coming up with new ideas to improve the festivities. Everyone tries their best to humor him and make it happen. But gods damn it, why couldn't he mention any of this when they were making the chore chart?????

* Jace, Luke, Baela and Rhaena do a bit of both the cooking and the cleaning. The issue is, that Aemond has also been trusted with that amount of responsibility and most of the time they have to flee the room the second he shows up.

* Aemond is a terror. He does what he was supposed to do and more. He doesn't care if it's someone else's assigned job, he will literally take the broom/sponge/utensil out of their hands because "they're doing it wrong". Anyone who tries to help him regrets it very quickly. He will make people cry if they use the wrong frying pan.

* Helaena is making decorations with Joffrey's help. Rhaena joins in after deciding that she can't deal with Aemond interrupting her every five minutes. Alicent gave Helaena specific patterns because her own were too "out there". The other two are not having it and quickly decide to stick with Helaena's designs because they're just much cooler.

* All Aegon was supposed to do was take the trash out. He did not do it.

* Baela and Jace do the baking. It's fun, it's sweet. They barricaded the door with a chair so Alicent can't show up and complain about the kind of flour they're using. They put music on so they can't hear her telling them to open the door. They decide to try a recipe from Winterfell and have to facetime Cregan for help.

* Luke is calling the entire guest list to confirm if they're still coming. He tells Larys the whole holiday has been cancelled. He show up anyway. Borros forgot the address and somehow it's all Luke's fault.

* Aemond rage vacuums. The moment he enters the room and plugs the vacuum in, everyone there is trapped. If anyone tries to put their feet on the floor they will get attacked, immediately. .

* What does Daemon do? Not a damn thing. He is supposed to contribute, but he refuses to listen to Alicent, just in general. However he does know that it still needs to get done so he keeps finding Jace and saying he has "a task of the upmost importance, that only he can do". Jace is actively avoiding him at this point.

* Someone was supposed to pick up Daeron from the train station. They never did. Daeron had to walk for almost two hours. The second he steps through the door Daemon gives him "a task of the upmost importance" - it's walking the dogs.

*Otto tries very hard to talk Viserys out of getting a live band last minute. Rhaena and Daeron make a playlist for the event. Otto hates it but does not understand technology enough to do anything about it.

* Criston does all the last minute shopping. He doesn't care that the stores are closed, Alicent needs that spinach and he will get it. He will make the store let him in. He will call the manager.

* Alicent almost faints when she sees the decorations. Rhaenyra offers to help Haelena apply to art schools.

* The wine doesn't mach the food because Aegon drank it all.

* Daeron can eat maybe three things on the table because nobody remembered his dietary restrictions.

* Daemon got a spork instead of normal cutlery. He still threatens Otto with it.

* Rhaenys and Corlys show up, find out what food was made by their grandkids, then complain about the rest. Baela and Jace didn't slack-bake the cake, Alicent, yours is just dry. They promise to host next year...and do it better.