speedyweird

[speedyweird]

so i saw the pretty boy again today, and i can honestly say … i don’t want him

and for the first time in over two years, i don’t want a guy

i’m just focusing on myself and being happy

because last few days i’ve been crying a little at night

[speedyweird]

uhhhhh … i know i said i was done … and i completely am

but there’s a new guy that started at work this week. rumors swirling he might be the new supervisor and rumors are saying that he’s just a temporary agent, he might not be here for long.

but this guy, this guy … he’s so freaking pretty!!!

luscious hair, brown eyes

i was able to talk to him a little bit today, we met on monday, and he also likes anime.

my bestie and i both say he looks gay.

but

but

i’m not going down that rabbit hole again.

i had my heart teared to pieces by g, i am not going to fall that easily and i am not going to get hurt again.

i am done.

but

but

if he is interested …

[speedyweird]

i don’t think i can handle this shit anymore

two guys i had feelings for and they go off and have serious relationships

i’m done

i’ve been hurt too many times now

[speedyweird]

[speedyweird]

fuuucccckkk i can’t concentrate on my homework because of how my brain is so fried

i’m having trouble reading and comprehending assignments

this job is making me lose my mind

[speedyweird]

so … i have a dilemma … and it doesn’t involve a boy

for the past 4 months, i’ve had a new boss

in those 4 months, he has blamed me for fails, says i’m not doing my job right, has suspended me for two days, hates me, and puts on a two face when i’m doing my job right

the last two months, i’ve been worked up with school work, as i am on my last classes before getting my bachelors

i am mentally fried, i am exhausted, and i try to compose myself with talking to my friends, my bestie, and watching shows/movies

but there are points where i want to quit. where i let the stress win and take me out

but that’s what this guy wants. he wants me to leave. because i don’t side with him. he likes the people that kiss his ass. and i’m not one of them. so that’s why he hates me

he hates me to the point where he doesn’t think of me when buying lunch. or when we do lunch, we have to chip in.

i’ll give him this, the station has been passing with flying colors, he knows what he’s doing. but i just want him to respect me. i’ll maybe fake respect him, but i just need him to respect me.

the last two weeks he’s been telling me great job. i need more of that. i’m gonna show him that’s how he should have acted when he got here.

[speedyweird]

i’ve actually been mad h*rny today, like no joke

i’ve seen a few videos and pictures but fighting back the urge to ✊🏼💦

[speedyweird]

i miss you, Cameron. i love you forever 🤍

[speedyweird]

hi again

it’s been a while

so yesterday, i had this thought where i should say good night to g before i leave

little did i know that would be the worst thing i could’ve done

he told me that he is in a relationship with a girl

the moment the words, “i have a girlfriend” came out of his mouth, my heart dropped

but my face glowed

i am truly, deeply happy for him

they have been dating for two weeks now and have already done the most, including showering in each other’s house

i told him that i was happy for him, i wished him the best, told him to take things slow, and i hugged him

but last night, i couldn’t stop thinking about it

i was going through a lot of emotions, i was happy, sad, angry, and heartbroken

the last two months, after he gave me closure, have been fine, i’ve been treating him like a friend, but i was mainly focused on myself

this hurts, and it’s gonna sting for a while, but i know if i just focus on myself, talk to him normal, it will pass by like nothing

[speedyweird]

"please don't stick a q tip in your ears, our product can damage your eardrums" lies. they're trying to stop you from hitting the ear g spot. they're in league with the church

[speedyweird]

happy birthday, Cameron

i love you 🤍

[speedyweird]

[speedyweird]

forgot to share this

last week tuesday, i talked to g

and he gave me the closure i needed and i didn’t even have to ask for it

we talked about relationships and stuff and he brought up that he’s really interested in a girl who is his best friend’s cousin

that was it

i am okay with him being straight. yeah, a whole year of seeming he was gay and it turns out he’s not

i’m okay with him not considering me as a friend

i’m okay with just talking to him normally

it’s all fine

all the stress has gone away

[speedyweird]

fuck a domino effect

[speedyweird]

i had to cover for my bestie today

and as i was getting ready to clock out, g comes up to me and asks me what i was doing here so late

and so i told him and he went and asked me if i was doing anything this weekend

i told him i had my brother and all of that

he tells me he’s stacked with assignments and all of that

and as he’s talking about his classes and path, i look into his eyes and i just think, “where did you go?”

i thought, “this is the you that i fell for. this is the you i like. when did you become so obsessed with work?”

like, i look in his eyes, and i see his uncle

but when i was talking to him tonight, i saw the boy i fell for

the boy who i was in love with

now he’s gone and appears randomly

i don’t like that

and so we finish up, i hug him and tell him goodnight

it felt nice to talk to him like that again

[speedyweird]

a disney movie where the prince eats ass

[speedyweird]

this whole 'writing' part of being a writer is so hard