special-flavored-cupcake
Collected Stories
3K posts
Just a 30-something (and her cat) being entertained.
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special-flavored-cupcake · 2 days ago
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I love genuinely innocent “boys will be boys.” Just saw a guy come out of a frat house to poke a pair of jeans they’d left outside - they were frozen solid, and as soon as he confirmed that, like twenty more boys came rushing out of the house going “YOOOOOOOOOO”
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special-flavored-cupcake · 2 days ago
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im quitting tumblr
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special-flavored-cupcake · 2 days ago
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Conversation that Tumblr is not ready for:
A Vampire's fangs are also it's reproductive organs
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special-flavored-cupcake · 2 days ago
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Fun little math trick I find really helpful: the ratio of a mile to a kilometer is within 1% of the Golden Ratio. That means that if you have a good memory for Fibonacci numbers (1 2 3 5 8 13 21 34 55 89) you can convert pretty accurately by taking consecutive Fibonacci numbers.
For example, 89 kilometers is really close to 55 miles (55.3). Or, say you need to convert 26 miles to kilometers: 26 can be written as 21 plus 5, so taking the next Fibonacci number up gives 34 and 8, meaning it should be around 42 kilometers. Sure enough, it's 41.8 km!
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special-flavored-cupcake · 2 days ago
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Dear lord I feel old now
YOURE 30???????
yeah I mean i've been posting on tumblr since 2011, I'm part of the geriatric tumblrinas
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special-flavored-cupcake · 2 days ago
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Settle a bet.
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special-flavored-cupcake · 2 days ago
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i had a dream that time travel was invented and too many people choose to travel back in time to save the titanic from sinking (the question of whether unsinking of the titanic deserved so much attention in the face of human history was the subject of both heavy academic and online discourse), which caused a rift in the space-time-continuum that led to the titanic showing up indiscriminately all over the world’s oceans and sea in various states of sinking.
this caused a lot of issues both in terms of fixing said space-time-continuum and in terms of nautical navigation, and after a long and heavy battle in the international maritime organization it was decided that the bureaucratic burden of dealing with this was to be upon Ireland, much to their dismay. the Irish Government then released an app for all sailors and seafarers so they could report titanic sightings during their journeys, even though they heavily dissuaded you from reporting them given the paperwork it caused.
anyway i woke up with a clear image of the app in my head and needed to recreate it for all of you:
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special-flavored-cupcake · 2 days ago
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special-flavored-cupcake · 3 days ago
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Source
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special-flavored-cupcake · 3 days ago
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This keeps him busy for the rest of the night.
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special-flavored-cupcake · 4 days ago
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me with my quilava
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special-flavored-cupcake · 4 days ago
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special-flavored-cupcake · 4 days ago
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Yes, but they eat my clothes, specifically my kilt, and that's Not Okay. If they left my clothes alone I'd have no issues with them. As it stands, those who cross my threshold become a threat and will be treated as such.
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special-flavored-cupcake · 5 days ago
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Oh my god. I need to share another story of my new friend making today. So my friends husband says, very casually, as we’re about to leave for the ren faire, “Yeah, it’s like my story about fucking a chicken.”
And of the four people present I was the only one who was shocked. The others all nodded as if to say, yes yes, we know, the chicken fucking.
So he explained, when a progressive person is analyzing a behavior they will typically use the metric, Harm/No Harm. They may not like things in the No Harm category but they wouldn’t object.
Conversely, a more conservative mindset used something like eight metrics. Authority/No Authority Moral/Not Moral, things like that.
So, he posited if you want to sound out someone’s mindset (and you’re willing to live with the repercussions) you can ask: if a man buys a dead chicken from the store, cleans it thoroughly, then fucks it, and then eats it himself…?
I listened in dawning horror, both rapt and disgusted. But into the growing pause I whispered, “No harm…” because it really has no effect on me or anyone else if a man fucks a dead chicken. I don’t like it, I think he’s a weird dude, but like. That’s his dick. But a more conservative person will hear that and object on moral grounds despite not being harmed.
It’s been haunting me all day, so please enjoy.
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special-flavored-cupcake · 9 days ago
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i feel like the knowledge that there are some medical databases with free-to-use 3D scans of various human organs available for 3D printing would have drastically reduced tumblrs amount of bone stealing scandals. plus you can make ones that glow in the dark.
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look at my glow in the dark humerus boy
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special-flavored-cupcake · 9 days ago
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new variant on “your boos mean nothing; I’ve seen what makes you cheer”
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special-flavored-cupcake · 10 days ago
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To be fair, turkeys can fry very well. The caveat is that frozen turkeys do not fry well. People do not thaw their turkey properly and explosions are the result. Boiling grease and frozen water do not mix in any way other than violence.
I love that every year fire departments are like "hey. maybe DON'T fry your turkeys?"
and across the nation, patriots rise up and shout "FUCK YOU" bc surely it'll be fine for THEM
and then start massive grease fires in their backyards
it is my most favorite thanksgiving tradition
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