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wizard college is going to kill me I swear to god. I just saw someone without a component satchel reach into their pocket and pull out a handful of LOOSE tapioca to use as a substitute for blood in their fell ritual. and it worked. I've never been so fucking mad.

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the default way for things to taste is good. we know this because "tasty" means something tastes good. conversely, from the words "smelly" and "noisy" we can conclude that the default way for things to smell and sound is bad. interestingly there are no corresponding adjectives for the senses of sight and touch. the inescapable conclusion is that the most ordinary object possible is invisible and intangible, produces a hideous cacophony, smells terrible, but tastes delicious. and yet this description matches no object or phenomenon known to science or human experience. so what the fuck

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Compelled Duel...and Blur?

So I can make people fight and get away with it.

So much chaos potential

The Randomizer

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get okay with being some level of burden on others, seriously

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•OUTGOING TRANSMISSION•

<Recipient: Clifftop Colony

<From: NOAH Sprygan 3

{Subject: Survival Strategy Reports}

*to be translated into compatible wavelength upon transmission*

To the Elders of Clifftop Colony, as stated in previous reports, I believe it to be without question a necessary component of our ongoing survival strategies that we form a strong and lasting relationship with the humans. Since they have become members of the Grand Assembly of Intelligent Lifeforms, they have shown many times to differ from the normal predator behaviors prevalent in other omnivorous species. While yes, they do consume botanical matter and that is still a concern, they have also shown time and time again the willingness to protect and defend what they know to be other sentient lifeforms, even at the risk of their own lives and wellbeing. One such in particular, my friend* {*see attached file for definition} and lab partner Friend Human Liz suffered catastrophic damage to their own body to defend me during an excursion to MX13* {*see attached files}. I was attacked by a native predator species and could not camouflage myself in time. Friend Human Liz came to my aid, but in doing so suffered the loss of one of her only four limbs in the encounter, and I was informed by the Human Doctor the limb will never grow back. However, instead of perishing, she is now thriving and continues to be of much help to me and our research. It appears these humans can withstand vast amounts of trauma while still performing their duties and functions.

These creatures called humans seem to emotionally bond to anything they spend enough time with, doubly so if they receive attention for it in return. This would no doubt be an incredible asset to us if humans were allowed to pack bond* {*see attached file} within Colonies on Spryga. I’m sure the humans would agree to an ambassadorial delegation, which would prove to be beneficial to both species in the long run.

They also have many devices to create the substance I spoke of in my last report, chocolate* {see attached files}. It’s my theory that a lack of one of the components in this substance is the cause of our slow growth rates and inability to produce saplings at a constant or consistent rate. Perhaps some arrangement could be made with the humans, something we could give them in exchange for this unique substance. I’ve yet to find anything similar to it on other member planets, and we can not locate or mass produce enough of it to equally distribute it across Spryga ourselves.

Befriending the humans could be the key to all future survival strategies.

NOAH Sprygan 3

Named Coco by the humans

•SEND MESSAGE•

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I found humans are space orcsblr.

I have always liked Humans are Space Orcs. It is funny.

But so many posts are like

Alien: *notices weird thing about human* Alien: *asks about it* Human: *responds as if normal activity* Alien: wtf

And I just can’t help but unsuspend the universal translator disbelief. Like, yeah, it’s easy to say you could change one sound to another so that aliens who physically couldn’t make human language sounds can still communicate, but consider:

Aliens who can’t make noises at all.

Aliens who can’t see so sign language isn’t a thing.

Aliens with no sense of touch so even haptics are impossible.

Imagine aliens who communicate by smell (something that happens on earth with some animals) or taste. Aliens who sense different kinds of radiation and communicate that way. Imagine humans are completely incompatible with alien species because we don’t have the organ that senses gamma rays. Like, we take ears for granted because everything on earth can hear (if not disabled). But in the void of space, there is no sound—what if no one is listening, not because they’re not there or because they don’t care, but because we’re talking at a blind person in ASL?

There are so many cool options for communication for aliens—temperature, pressure, microwaves, electric signals, you name it. Like, imagine a species that communicated by the physical sensation of wind.

And, like, you might think, “how could an alien communicate in radiation? There’s radiation all around and we don’t sense it. Plus, there’s so much of it, there’d be no way to tell it apart from natural radiation!” But then consider. We communicate in vibrations of fluids. There’s vibrations all around, and we can sense them all—yet we still manage to pick out human sounds from nonhuman sounds, and distinguish between!

Imagine in head.

Alien, learning how use a sound interpreting machine, being excited with being able to identify a human sound from a mess of nonhuman sounds. Then, realizing that not only can we do this effortlessly, we can tell one human’s sounds apart from another, even if we’ve barely met them. We can make patterns of this incomprehensible gibberish, much in the same way our alien can determine which of their friend’s protons are being reamalgamated.

Then.

Humans have their own unique “voice” in other alien languages, much in the same way aliens would still make sounds just from moving around. Or reactions we didn’t even know we had because we can’t sense them, like alien purrs they couldn’t tell they were making because they don’t have ears.

Just something to think about.

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If I had henchmen I would absolutely be commanding them to "seize him!", and when the target failed to respond with "unhand me!" because people don't actually talk that way, in spite of knowing this would be the outcome I would be bitterly disappointed every single time.

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itt ergonomic keyboard

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my brother had a brilliant idea that i wanted to share with other people who have four-legged family members: he trained our two cats to go directly to the door when they hear the fire alarm.

obviously at first the fire alarm sent them scrambling for cover, but he started slowly by giving them treats whenever it went off, when someone burned food or forgot to open the fireplace flu. he then progressed to calling them to the door to offer treats immediately after the alarm went off. and it actually wasn't too long before the cats voluntarily started going to the door upon hearing the alarm.

i think this was genius because in the event of a real emergency we know exactly where the cats will be and we will not have to waste precious time trying to find them to rescue them. i think this method would work equally well with dogs and probably other free-roaming pets such as rabbits, ferrets, etc. and i certainly encourage others to give it a shot!

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Trying to cause an asthma attack at my family's gift exchange. The gobbler. I made 3 of these bitches.

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Red One is so artistic in a positive way that is; ridiculously good and it's not that bad as I thought it was going to be. Some scenes are gif worthy.

I do like the main message that the movie presents 'everyone is still a kid even when they have grown up' and it's such a sweet perspective.

10/10.

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Tumblr staff: ten options is enough for polls, right? No one needs more than that on a regular basis. The average tumblr user: Hey guys which element of the periodic table do you think is the most fuckable?

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Lyra, my beloved cat of 13 years, passed away this year on Father's Day. She's been by my side through very difficult times and was my little rock of steady and unrelenting love. I struggled a lot drawing this, and struggled a lot posting it, but I know I would've wanted to read a comic like this that validated my grief for her when I lost her.

Wherever you are, Lyra my little summer star, I love you always! Thank you for being the best thing in my life.

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여어- 히싸씨부리 （ ɔ̸ᴉʇɐ͟N͞さんのツイート ）

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how do people make papers for traditional painting and calligraphy in the past by chinese artist 山白shan bai