spawnofthedivine

[spawnofthedivine]

ACK havent been active.. got our wisdom teeth taken out yesterday... been busy recovering :p

modded fnv just now too

also our friend texted us and said we were "plural coded" oh my god?? he doesnt know anything about us knowing we r plural and it made us gasp HAHA . it was about us not recognizing our voice when listening back to it in a recording :3c

[spawnofthedivine]

modding fallout 3 using a GUIDE this time!!!!!! :D now everything wont fuck up ( hopefully )

last time we tried to do it ourselves and uuhhhh it didnt have many mods and most didn t work . oops.. then again that was back when we were just switching from vortex ( GAGGING NOISES ) to learning abt other mod managers..

( vortex is really really bad . for context. it works OK with some of the more popular skyrim mods somehow but for older games?? does NOT work. when we mod Skyrim again we're probs using mo2 cuz mo2 is our BABY now )

[spawnofthedivine]

im doing it LOL

already made my f/o tag list ( they all got unique tags :333 )

just need a blogname and then an aesthetic i wanna do for the pinned && header/pfp :33

i really should make a new selfship blog ( its Consuming me ) but that side of tumblr is Scary to me now.. had someone come into our dms on my old one ( which was our main blog, starniirs, but we've since wiped it of all posts after this ) and they insulted us before blocking us because we reblogged one of their posts?../ really made us upset we still cant figure out what we did ( we checked their dni and what their ok-to-share f/os were and it was fine ??/ we even logged into our old account and checked their blog for a second time to see if we missed anything and we didnt!!! )

[spawnofthedivine]

i really should make a new selfship blog ( its Consuming me ) but that side of tumblr is Scary to me now.. had someone come into our dms on my old one ( which was our main blog, starniirs, but we've since wiped it of all posts after this ) and they insulted us before blocking us because we reblogged one of their posts?../ really made us upset we still cant figure out what we did ( we checked their dni and what their ok-to-share f/os were and it was fine ??/ we even logged into our old account and checked their blog for a second time to see if we missed anything and we didnt!!! )

[spawnofthedivine]

Okay.. figured out we likely have synesthesia. what the fukc??/ figured it was normal and that everyone had that for the longest time but its not so . ALRIGHT.

smelling, tasting, and feeling ( physically ) colors are what we experience, not sure if its Only those but theyre the daily ones at least. not 24/7 , its multiple times a day every day. it kinda goes at random? one second yellow makes us feel like we're chewing rock candy and the next it doesnt do anything. however it is always the sensation of chewing rock candy, it also needs to be an obvious and bright yellow :P other yellows are different and trigger different senses n reactions. bright red tastes really really sweet like sugar and smells like a full bouquet of flowers ( thats the closest description i can get to it ). if we see a bright yellow and a bright red next to eachother than we start grinding our teeth unconsciously cuz we taste and feel rock candy in our mouth lol

no reason to post this i just think its fun lol :33 also im sure the responses to the colors really depends on whos fronting/close to front cuz they are still reliable responses but they change every now and then. listed only the most common reactions cuz its what we would have to guess spyte has a reaction to.

[spawnofthedivine]

more random flags :) i believe most of these also used templates from revenant-coining on deviantart ( now moved to daydreakthing )

flags in order of appearance : strawberry lemonade scent ( intended for misceverse stuff ). personal sho flag ( definition linked here(link) , created by daybreakthing here on tumblr ). "soft" themed caregiver. autocannibal archetrope. canine holothere. and a god4canine flag!!

[spawnofthedivine]

this took 5ever but uhm agere & adjacent flags??/ theyre supposed to be themed after divinity but we have uhhh no color or visuals in the brain so it can be considered an ocean sunset theme if you dont think it looks very "divine"

templates used were by revenant-coining on deviantart ( now moved to daybreakthing ) . original download post linked here(link) . some of the ones we made with the template are edited to better fit the color palette.

flag term association in order of appearance : age dreamer, age regressor, pet dreamer, pet regressor, caregiver, guardian, babysitter, and flip.

no full image id, we are not skilled at describing complicated visual details. all of the flags have their own unique symbols. the color palette and order of colors stays consistent through each flag. the stripes are horizontal , and the colors from top to bottom are : a bright, reddish orange. a similar orange, but slightly lighter. a pale orangeish yellow. a pale blue. a warm, significantly darker blue. and a much darker, cool toned blue.

[spawnofthedivine]

we've made six already. onto the seventh rn ( which is probably going to be a part of a set of 7 more if we have the energy today?? ), we'll share them all later i hope?. the ones we already did were pretty quick to do ( 20-30 minutes each, most of the time was getting the colors to cooperate in a palette generator. we still dont think in visuals ) but we've been taking a lot of breaks for the sake of not getting burnout too fast LOL ( we get burnout from creative activities rlly easily oops )

just figured out how to make flags without Freaking my shit ??/ was it rlly this simple the entire fucking time . WHAT

[spawnofthedivine]

just figured out how to make flags without Freaking my shit ??/ was it rlly this simple the entire fucking time . WHAT

[spawnofthedivine]

i really wonder why so many aac resource blogs are anti endo. its weird to me. why do they All flock over to the aac emote/emoji community . almost have half the fucking community blocked at this point its irritating And majorly upsetting

weve "stolen" some of the various blogs' pics for our own aac board ( we dont bother w discord emotes ) but it triggers our paranoia when we do so That sucks ( it also gets triggered if we manage to remember what blog made the images when we see them in the aac board . so we try not to do that unless absolutely necessary for communicating )

[spawnofthedivine]

LMAO our irl friend being shocked over our memory 😭 i genuinely have zero recollection of the image it doesnt even look familiar. i found it and showed him cuz it was funny and i knew id never seen it before (im kinda thinking hes mixing up our chats w another friend of his but idk!!)

[spawnofthedivine]

man i hate this brain why are visuals so hard to comprehend or create. vent below 🎀

tried flag making once more just for fun and it has never been more apparent to us that we ARE, in fact, absolutely clueless when it comes to visuals. literally no idea what to do with colors or shapes or designs or anything, no ideas. brain completely empty no inspiration no nothing. we have never even THOUGHT in images we think in purely words and script symbols ( think : unicode ) HOW DID WE FORGET THAT???? HOW. we already have a super super hard time making rentrys or pfps and text decor, how the fuck did we think we could make FLAGS?

we would Love to join mogai tumblr as term ( not flag ) coiners and such but we do not make flags, they are quite literally impossible to make with the way our brain works, its also why we quit art ( and probably the reason why we arent able to improve or change our artstyle ). and flag making is like.. THE thing for mogai blogs. we havent seen even a single blog that does text/script only content, if those were more common then we'd absolutely make a blog and join them. buuuut its not.

and of course its absolutely humiliating to not be like the majority of people in a group, even if its unlikely for anyone to genuinely dislike us for not being like the rest

it doesnt help the fact that we barely recognize regular visuals as is. we dont know the color wheel by heart. we rarely recognize peoples faces. or where the local stores are, even ones we've been to hundreds of times. or what order colors are on a flag. or how many colors there are on the flag. or what the flag looks like at all ( "i think it has yellow?" wrong, it was green! ). we only have a slightly easier time with numbers/script characters

[spawnofthedivine]

ok more updates :)

got a cold severe enough to make us VOMIT while still having the kidney infection (not really sure if the kidney infection caused the vomiting or What but i think it was the cold mainly cuz no pain or other symptoms from the kindey madness AT ALL since the third day of antibiotics), plus our heartrate is faster than its been in a WHILE. how fun!

measured out heartrate via our wrist and fingers and uhh it was about 140 bpm :) we were laying down the entire time, and had been laying down for an hour without moving very much. no extreme emotions or anything, we were quite literally trying to SLEEP while it kept getting faster and faster. eventually it calmed down but that was AFTER we sat up in bed for about a half hour.

but ahhh yes according to the cardiologist (not our primary doctor) we saw we dont have a problem at all because we dont pass out or have obvious palpitations :) ((they only measured us w a heart monitor for a week. and we had a very good time w our symptoms for a week (has never happened to us before or after that one week of the heart monitor), which was quite possibly the worst thing that couldve happened because having a WHOLE WEEK OF LITTLE TO NO OBVIOUS SYMPTOMS ISNT GOOD WHILE WE'RE TRYING TO DOCUMENT OUR FUCKING SYMPTOMS.))

our primary doctor fully believes us and thinks that we have POTS and he has always referred to our experience as having POTS, which we ALSO fully agree with. the cardiologist however did not agree with this and likely thought we were being dramatic or lying (she didnt say this outloud, but she explained that theres a spectrum of the POTS symptoms and that you can have all the symptoms of POTS and "seemingly fit the criteria" while not actually having it bad enough for a diagnosis. makes absolutely zero fucking sense but we had to just sit through it because what the fuck else were we supposed to do), which has happened to us for every single fucking cardiologist we have ever seen. we are so fucking unlucky w cardiologists its driving me insane

anyways this was a rant about all the heart stuff on accident but uhh basically we're not feeling well :(

[spawnofthedivine]

BIG agree ^^ we used to do a bit of assigning labels here and there but it was so exhausting!! its hard enough to figure out what we like and dislike so we just let everything Chill and try not to worry about it. much much easier to just Be a Random Guy

i think a lot of younger systems would be better off if they took a minute to stop stressing about roles or consciousness labels or headspaces or origins and just treat members of their system like random guys. that one headmate you can't tell the role of? they like hot chocolate with marshmallows and listening to the rain. you too. you need to be a random guy. being a random guy is good for everyone.

[spawnofthedivine]

might have to get into game of thrones or house of the dragon im not sure which to watch first. we need something to watch that isnt bluey while we still have time to actually watch things :p not sure if we could read the books because we have a rather unfortunate attention span & its very difficult to put names to faces, let alone names to text descriptions (and the names we've seen are uhhhhh rather complex to look at to say the least)

[spawnofthedivine]

kidney infection update :] nothing really bad the post just got long

ok we were actually feeling worse yesterday after 24 hours of being on the first antibiotic. went back to urgent care and a new doctor told us that apparently we are so fully resistant to every other common uti/kidney infection treatment that he had no other choice to put us on the REALLY strong ones that we havent used before (there was a list of about 25 on our chart, only one of them we were sensitive to but that was the one we were taking that didnt make us feel any better). its so strong we have to both eat probiotic foods AND take supplements in case we get hurt from the antibiotic. he said the infection was getting Bad (almost hospitalization level) so we had no other choice but to take the med :P if we hadnt felt better today he told us to go to the emergency room immediately.

so uhmm thankfully after the first two doses of the new one we are feeling a LOTTT better :) we can barely feel ANY pain with ibuprofen and tylenol ❤️❤️ its very mild without the pain meds too!!

we however are at a bit of a risk for the side effects that we were warned about. its not on our chart so he didnt know to warn about it but we are hypermobile, and the medication has a chance to cause our tendons to rip apart which has an even bigger chance if u have hEDS or are otherwise hypermobile. he told us about the tendons part but not the hypermobility risk (which makes sense, theres nothing on our chart)

also for the antibiotic resistances he said we had the chart of a 60 year old patient, not an 18 year old, and that hes never seen something like this in someone so young. this was purely from everything we were resistant to :P oops

[spawnofthedivine]

Okay. just had the worst pain of our lives last night. mom convined us to go into urgent care this morning and apparently we have a pretty bad kidney infection, stemmed from a UTI that we were clueless about. the only reason we went in was for the pain, we have NO other symptoms . wtf