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*walks into room labelled employees only*

Employee: hey this room is for employees only

Me: then how am I standing here?

Manager: damn ur hired

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Hi sorry to disappear and come back so much but I made a rebubble! It has like cute gay designs and things like that & it’d mean a lot if you guys checked it out! Here’s the link. This whole virus situation has me fucked financially so this is my way of trying to combat that. Thank you guys so much ily

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Ladies and gentlemen, listen to your gut instincts and record racist and sexual harassing conversations with your smartphone.

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I was thinking racism but this works too

people only say it’s a free country when they’re doing something that they absolutely 100% should not be allowed to do

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people only say it’s a free country when they’re doing something that they absolutely 100% should not be allowed to do

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trans bears are literally stronger than any US marine

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Smells like disappointment

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What was the cringiest trend of the decade? My vote is flash mobs. 

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Icelandic Phallological Museum

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If Tumblr really do change their threading interface I’m going to miss the

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SO in Britain all the swans may belong to the Queen, but lemme tell you about Hamburg:

Hamburg is built around a river, so there’s many many many canals (the 2400+ bridges put Venice and Amsterdam to shame), as well as a fairly sizeable lake (here the smaller section, innit precious):

This means a shittonne of swans

(stay away from the swans) (seriously don’t go sailing on the lake because they WILL chase you). Obvs swans aren’t made for cold weather (p sure they’re all Australian immigrants actually) so Hamburg has an official job position to take care of the issue.

This dude’s name is Olaf Nieß (trying to spell his name on non-German keyboards must be fun):

This guy’s job title is “Schwanenvater”, aka “swan father”, and his job literally consists of getting swans to safety before the winter chill sets in. How does he do this, you wonder? Easy: he goes up to EVERY SINGLE FUCKING SWAN in the city and sticks them in barges. I’m serious:

Look at this dude and his swans

Swans are like Satan’s personal pet and he paddles around with barges full of them like it’s nbd.

I fucking love this guy he’s braver than all of us and deserves some recognition for his absurd line of work.

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tumblr bitch: liking creepypasta makes you a freak!

me: **growls really hard**

jeff: its ok theyre just jealous babe…

me: i know jeff, i know

slendy: **slaps my fat juicy ass**

me: NOT NOW SLENDY JEFF AND I ARE HAVING A MOMENT

slendy: youre so boring **murders a whole family**

me: **sighs**

police: **en route**

jeff: **the killer**

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yikes

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