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well lads I just saw my thighs and now it’s time to starve

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What happens once you kill yourself? Because I'm ready to go.

You wanna know what happens once you kill yourself? Your mother comes home from work and finds her baby dead and she screams and runs over to you and tries to get you to wake up but you won’t and she keeps screaming and shaking you and her tears are dripping onto your face and your dad hears all the screaming and runs into the room and he can’t even speak because the child that he loved and the child that he watched grow up is gone forever and finally your little sister runs into the room to see what all the fuss is about and she sees you dead. The person she looked up to and loved. The person she bragged about to  her friends, the person she wanted to be just like when she grew up, the person that made her feel safe. But she’s never really going to get to grow up and smile and laugh and love because she’ll always be consumed with this feeling of missing you. And now there’s something missing from your family and they can barely look at each other anymore because everything reminds them of you but you’re gone and hurts more than anything. and you think that your mom never cared because she was always busy and yelling at you to finish your homework and clean your room and forgot to say I love you sometimes but really, she loved you more than anything and she doesn’t leave the house anymore, she can’t even get out of bed and she’s getting thinner and thinner because it’s too hard to eat. Your father had to quit his job and he doesn’t sleep anymore, every time he closes his eyes he sees his baby dead, and the image never goes away no matter how much alcohol he drinks. And at school your best friend sees that your seat is empty and she gets this sick feeling in her stomach and that’s when she hears the announcement. You killed yourself. And suddenly she’s screaming and crying in the middle of class and no one even bothers comforting because they’re all  busy sitting there staring at your empty seat with tears dripping down their cheeks and all she wants is for you to hug her and tell her it’s gonna be okay like you always did, but this time, you’re not there to do it, everything is dark now that you’re gone and her grades are slipping, she barely goes to school anymore and she ended up in hospital after taking too many pills because she wanted to see you again. the girls who used to make fun of the way you dressed feel their throats get tight, they don’t talk to each other anymore, they don’t talk to anyone, they’re all in therapy trying so hard not to blame themselves but nothing works. and your teacher who always gave you a hard time stares blankly at the wall, she quits her job a few days later. And then your boyfriend hears the news and he can’t breathe, he still calls you a lot just to hear your voice and he talks to you on facebook but you never message him back, he can’t fall in love again because every girl he meets reminds him of you, he’s never going to get over you, he loved you and he cries himself to sleep every night, hating himself and slicing his skin because he couldn’t save you and he’s never going to hold you in his arms or hear you laugh again. Now everyone who knew you, whether they were a big part of your life or someone you passed in the hallway a few times a week, they carry this aching feeling around inside them because you’re gone, and they miss you, and they don’t know why you left but it must’ve been their fault and they should’ve stopped you and they should’ve told you they loved you more and that feeling is never going to go away. And so you killed yourself

but you killed everyone else around you too. 

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how does it feel? pretend it's ok

My ed made me a great liar & I am good at pretending that I am not hungry

Good at pretending that It has not darkend in my eyes because of hunger for a few seconds and pretending I can see everything when I am not

Good at pretending that I've already eaten what I cooked for my family

Good at pretending that I have changed my food preferences for not to eat with friends that junk food they love

Good at pretending that I'm allergic to some food to justify why I can't eat it

Good at pretending that I am against diets when I try to to talk other people out of unhealthy weight loss

To be honest, I can lie without thinking

It became something of a habit

A habit of protecting my ed ass

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THIS !!

I wanna be so fucking skinny that I can pass for malespo because my titties disappeared

This was literally my mentality and still is

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**No binge November**

I love opening Reddit and seeing some thinspo

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103lbs 😊

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bruised knees & quiet eyes

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😋😋

List of Ana & Mia Songs:

1. Kent - We Need To Eat

2. Carbon Carousel - Skinny

3. ElysianSoul - Waitig to be Weightless

4. Nicole Dollanganger - Please Eat

5. Nicole 12 -Ballerina

6. Fiona Apple - Paper Bag

7. Dollyrots - Skinny

8. Mellow Melange - Anorexia Nervosa

9. Stage - Live Happy, Live With Anorexia

10. Gianmarco Leone - Anorexia

11. Corinna Fugate - Blood Red Bracelet

12. Skylar Grey - Invisible

13. Picture Me Broken - Skin and Bones

14. r00k - Eat

15. Svavar Knútur - Emotional Anorexic

16. r00k - Anorexic

17. Huntingtons - Annie’s Anorexic

18. Pulp - Anorexic Beauty

19. Silverchair - Ana’s Song (Open Fire)

20. Saturday Supercade - Penny is an Anorexic

21. Eleanor McEvoy - Sophie

22. Polly Scattergood - I Hate the Way

23. Los Campesinos! - The Sea Is A Good Place To Think Of The Future

24. Dead Celebrity Status - Someone I Once Knew

25. Ted Leo and the Pharmacists - Me and Mia

26. Geri Karlstrom - Starving for Attention

27. Lisa Loeb - She’s Falling Apart

28. Maria Mena - Eyesore

29. Mickey Avalon - So Rich, So Pretty

30. Filter - Skinny

31. Pompeii - Numbers

32. Outcast Youth - Genevieve

33. King Adorable - Big Isn’t Beautiful

34. Jill Sobule - Lucy at the Gym

35. Juliana Hatfield - Feed Me

36. From First to Last - World War Me

37. Superchick - Courage

38. Mother Mother - Body

39. Garbage - Bleed Like Me

40. Wale - 90210

🕊Feel free to add more, and remember I am not running this blog to support people into Ed’s, I’m running it because I need it for me and I know how it feels to feel like you’re alone if that makes sense.🐇

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does anyone else think they’ll just magically stop being ugly once they reach their ugw? or is it just me?

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Hhhh I need to get out of this cycle .-.

just eating disorder things

feeling like you wanna fucking die after eating a normal meal

thinking after you eat that normal meal “fuck it i may as well”

and then eating everything in sight

hating yourself more after that

restricting more after that

repeat

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I never thought I’d make myself sick, cause I’ve struggled to before, but now it seems I’m going down the path of bulimia to add to my ednos/anorexia, and I’m both ashamed and proud of myself

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Reasons I want to be Skinny

Not have my thighs rub against eachother

Look dainty an cute

Have a sharp and defined jawline

Collarbones

Be the skinny one™ in a group

Not jiggle all the damn time

Wear clothes and have them look good on me

Being able to were size xs/s

Looking good in concert photos

Be someones dream girl

Be literal thinspo

Have everyone who hasn't seen me in months tell me I look good

Have a low bmi and body fat percentage

Learn self-control around food

Being able to see my ribs

Not having to suck in

Feel thin

Have everyone ask how you got so skinny

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I NEED WILLPOWER

when ur willpower kicks in and u don’t eat the thing

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.-.

no one ever tells you how fucking BORING life is when you don’t eat

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Cant relate ;-;

I can’t believe that I lost weight omg

How how how? :)