soullessfemme

[soullessfemme]

in the mornings when she laments about her appearance i wonder if she'll ever be able to work on her appearance even when we are out of this awful living situation and it scares me. i love her but what if thats not enough.

[soullessfemme]

everything i was building has been reduced to dust once again. i thought maybe i was in love again, and that that love was worth molding my future around. but it all collapsed because she gave me covid. idk if thats even that weird these days. people probably give eachother covid all the time. they probably don't think about it any more. i dont know what to do about that. i guess i don't really want to be friends with someone who treats covid like a tiny sinus infection and still goes to work with it. i think thats lots of people these days though. fuck.

friend visiting for the next few days. im filled with rage and dread. i hope meta isnt weird as fuck to my friend but i bet she will be :( I hate that that bitch has control over my whole life. this is the first time I've had a friend over in two years. two fucking years. we can't live this isolated anymore. meta is an insane bitch that is content to rot for the rest of her pathetic life. i hate that she limits me. keeps me from doing all the things id promised myself id do once i got here. agony. dumb bitch has her life figured out and doesnt care if ours wallow forever as long as she can get a private taxi for her fucking rabbit food. fuck.

[soullessfemme]

I hate when she falls asleep in the direct middle of the bed and wont move over it drives me insane

[soullessfemme]

even now i waver

[soullessfemme]

[soullessfemme]

parkour civilization

[soullessfemme]

having the same conversation about final fantasy with kat again. i dont understand her. every single time we play it together she gets furious and incredibly upset and says awful things to me the whole time which makes it super hard to focus. i don't want to play the game with her if its gonna be like this every single time. how are we supposed to be in voice with everyone if she is constantly berating herself and me. its so fucking stupid. i guess nthis is the only way i get to play it with her though :(

[soullessfemme]

would very much like to rip and tear

[soullessfemme]

she is such an asshole to me why am i trying to build a life with her

[soullessfemme]

hey. listen. when you use too much detergent in your laundry you aren't making your clothes cleaner, you are making them degrade faster. the machine isn't able to rinse out the entire cup of soap you put in, so some of it is left in the fibers of your clothes. when they dry this makes the fabric stiffer and more brittle, so the fibers are more likely to erode and break. over time this makes your clothes wear out much faster than if they were properly rinsed with minimal soap. you are wasting money by overusing detergent, not just on the detergent itself but the clothes you are shortening the lifespan of.

[soullessfemme]

This is definitely my kink

[soullessfemme]

how do i exist in the world im just stringing everything along. I promise ill be able to escape my house soon haha yea i just live with this 40 year old woman who is convinced i we should never see other living human beings in person ever again i fucking hate it i hate this life i hate it i hate it i hate her. kill me dude. I hate doing this. I hate sitting here every day spending so much time talking to someone who I feel like really cares about me and im just fucking stringing them along it feels like shit i wanna die i wanna die kill me.

[soullessfemme]

painpainpainpainpainpainpainpainpainpain

keep talking to this they/she and they want me to come hang out all the time and they know I cant because of the fucked living situation and their really nice about it but also when they tenatively ask me to maybe come out or if i can sneak away i just wanna die theres no fucking way out of here this fucking bitch is sitting right next to the front door 18 hours a day i live in hell dude everytime they ask me now i just get a little more sad and convinced this is all gonna fizzle out because I cant get out of my shitass housing situation because i have nothing at all

[soullessfemme]

metamour is doing that fucking annoying shitty thing again where she points out something gf or i messed up and then starts joking about ways to fix it that are fucking demeaning and pointless because its always just a symptom of our adhd that cant be fixed with some stupid ass trick and its fucking annoying to joke about ugh. i hate when she tries to relate to us about not being neurotypical too because she fucking is???? neurotypical to my knowledge and she is always an asshole about our neurodivergence like bitch shut the fuck up

[soullessfemme]

my life is so fucking stupid why am i making lifelong plans right now i should just fucking leave because its so fucked here

[soullessfemme]

i asked her to wake me up with her today yesterday and she didnt and i slept 6 extra hours and she is having a fucking breakdown so she cant go to the grocery store so i can eat today how is my life so fucking stupid i want to die. theres no one to fucking support me when it really matters because when it really matters she breaks down and fails

[soullessfemme]

im so afraid to anything when other people are on the room and im literally never alone i feel like im being torn apart every fucking day