sorry-its-elliot

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my ape brain when it gets dark at 4:45pm

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ive been making bumper stickers in illustrator

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scientists have successfully induced gender dysphoria in a tardigrade

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Fascinating things that people on Tumblr seem to be unaware of/confused by:

If someone gives advice that's worded as "when no better options are available, [solution] is the best option", it means that doing that particular solution is better than not doing anything. It does not mean that this solution is better than all other options, best choice at all times. All the better options that you can think of that a person should do instead are already implied to be unavailable in the "when no better options are available"-part.

When something is stated in past tense, that implies that this thing is no longer this way at the current moment. "Past tense" means that it happens in the past, which implies that it has stopped happening. If someone says "I thought myself well-educated on the subject", the past tense implies that they are now aware that they were not, in fact, well-educated on the subject. You do not need to tell them this.

A person saying something in passive tense is not stating that they personally do or believe whatever the statement is. Saying "at one point, it was thought", means that there has been, at some point, unnamed other people, who thought this thing, and therefore this has a distinct nuance difference to "I think", which means that the person saying this is also the one thinking it.

The words "common", "most" and "the average" refer to a majority of a population, but not the whole population. That is a different thing than "all" and "everything". If someone says "most dogs have four legs", but you know two dogs who have three legs each, saying so does not disprove the previous person's point, as "most" is a different word than "all". It's a different word that changes what the sentence means.

When someone says a sentence, you should always assume that every word in it is important for the context. If you don't know what a word means, you should look it up to find out what it means, instead of skipping over it and assuming that it isn't important. "Strict and irreconcilable parenting styles are inherently traumatic" means a different thing than "strict parenting styles are inherently traumatic". Adding or removing one word can sometimes change the whole sentence, and you can't just skip the ones that you don't know.

If you are the type of a person who has a hard time understanding concepts like this, and jumps at peoples' throats over things you thought they said, I hope that everyone who fucks you insists on using a condom.

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the thing with terms like "seggs" and "unalive" is that on the one hand the paranoia that leads people to say stuff like that seems bad socially but on the other hand i find euphemisms very funny and i'd rather people be more creative

causing your own rebirth in a fantasy universe

Sudden-Onset Cerebral Entropy Syndrome

self-induced Wikipedia verb-tense shift event

vehicular Isekai

accelerating the timeline on your estate's legacy process

personal temperature normalization

ghost tf

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"save me, substance abuse!" i cry. before you can moralize to me about the dangers of addiction, a noble and powerful steed gallops into the room - my horse whom i have named "substance abuse". you learn an important lesson about making assumptions. i snort a line off its back

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normally it's frustrating when mystery games hand you answers on a silver plate but in ace attorney, the witnesses' tendencies to conveniently say far more than what they were asked for is so hilarious that it becomes its own reward. ace attorney witnesses will be asked what time they saw the murder and they'll say it was 10:40 and they know it was exactly that time because that's the exact minute they open the can of Fancy Feast to feed their elderly russian blue cat, father of 12 kittens and phoenix will be like umm actually i spoke to your cat and here's a written affidavit from him that there was a recall on Fancy Feast and also he's never been to russia nor known the touch of a woman. you're going to jail buddy

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I’m going to iron your brain out to make it smooth

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Your man looks like he drops common loot when defeated

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i have developed a much more viceral understanding of why bank robbers were widely regarded as popular heroes in the 1930s

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M&Ms, skittles, reese's pieces, and ibuprofen all in one bowl

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everybody shut up this is the funniest response to a post about folklore that’s tagged unreality

Americans will make memes about european vs. american cryptids/folklore like "hee hee you have twee friendly little leprechauns and unicorns and shit, there's a fucking entity outside my house who keeps talking in my dead mother's voice and every single night I have to shoot it in the face and every single night it appears again".

That's not how any of this works smartass. Some entities are safe like a horse is safe - it won't kill you if you know how to treat it properly, but it will kill you super fast if you do one of the like 3 things that you were taught to never ever do around this specific creature. And some of them are like bears - you're taught how to avoid the places they roam, how to avoid aggravating it if you do encounter one, and the things you could do that might enable you to survive if you already fucked up.

European creatures aren't "safe" or "friendly". They will kill you if you don't know what you're dealing with and haven't been taught what to do. The wee elf of the sauna can skin you alive if you fuck with it.

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i think tumblr should up its game and let negative notes be a thing i wanna dislike peoples posts i want to see what did the WORST on a tag