sophie69420

[sophie69420]

Pride & Prejudice (2005) dir. Joe Wright

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Hierodula salomonis, aka, the “Jade Mantis”

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feb 2025

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the horror bro

getting a text that she has breast cancer right before you have to hop on a zoom

right after you get a news alert that RFK confirmed as Health Secretary

the week before the love of your life’s work hours get cut because of a freeze in USAID funding and thousands of people can’t get their already paid for medication.

and on top of it all it’s so fucking COLD outside

I don’t feel okay!! Life is hard enough without all this fighting!!!!!

2.13.25

[sophie69420]

in the middle of the night, molly, my small gray cat approaches. i can’t see her, but she makes her presence known to me, purring already. she curls up on my pillow, perfectly so that i can rest my head against her back side and wrap my arm to pet her sweet face. purring already, we are warm, and i feel so much.

like that red wheel barrow glazed with rain it means so much. to be loved, to be known, to feel soft, to make something feel good, to feel good, to have it all be temporary. i want you to remember it. she loves to have her cheek rubbed. she is so soft and her love is so sweet.

in about 20 minutes we will drive molly to a tooth removal procedure. it’s too much. life can never be just the cat in the bed at night purring. it has to also be the surgery in the day. the pain and the cost and the temporary-ness.

molly is going to die someday. i am going to die someday. it is worth it is worth it is worth it.

1/22/25

[sophie69420]

End of the year 2024

Song of the year? birds of a feather by billie eilish!!

Album of the year? cowboy carter by beyonce!!

Favorite musical artist / group you started listening to this year? it's gonna have to be Noah Kahan for me personally, I know I am behind but I listened to him for the first time a lot this year

Movie of the year? challengers, thank you zendaya!!

TV show of the year? i watched soooo much dimension 20 this year so I am going to have to pick Burrow's End

Episode of tv or webisode that defined the year for you? it's gonna have to be the election episode of succession

Favorite actor of the year? ayo edibiri

Game of the year? is this video game, or bored game, game of the year for my fam is dungeons and dragons.... and sheep in disguise with gary and jean

Best month for you this year? march? maybe?

Something that made you cry this year? so much!! fighting with rachel lmao!!

Something you want to do again next year? group costume for halloween

Talk about a new friend you made this year i got a lot closer with selena because of her new job across the hall from me shouts out selena, also shout out madeleine from the housing campaign

How was your birthday this year? my birthday was great!! i got a tummy tattoo that is soooo so so sick

Favorite book you read this year? circe by madelein miller

What’s a bad habit you picked up this year? complaining about my boss with my coworkers...

A memorable meal this year? omg the fancy restaurant in montreal i had venicine it was so fucking good, and the dessert, omg omg

What’re you excited about for next year? honestly, I don't have a lot planned for 2025, I guess the new job with exodus, I hope nick and I travel, I hope we go to the north shore in MN together and kiss...

What’s something you learned this year? that fat bias is really stupid and pervasive and has nothing to do with me

What’s something new about your place of residence (room, home, or general location) now vs the start of the year? we got some plumbing done and also the outside of the house painted!!

Favorite place you visited this year? montreal!! also Georgia Aquarium

If you could send a message to yourself back on the first day of the year, what would it be? the music festival is going to be really fucking hot but so worth it, also I love you! also, your family is all going to go to the middle east together and it is gonna make you sad, also two more of your mom's friends die so brace yourself

Did you keep any New Year’s Resolutions? yes! I made three bingos from my bingo card go me good job.

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11/18/2024

I can't remember the last email I wrote to john and hank green but I guess this is really for me:

Dear Brothers Green,

It is truly such an honor to be a part of the Nerdfighter community. I have a signed DFTBA poster in my office from my first Project for Awesome perk in 2016, some eight years ago. I was a teenager then and that was probably around the time I first heard that Dr. King quote about the moral arc of the universe bending towards justice.

I have been thinking a lot about that quote amidst gestures broadly, and how it doesn't feel like the arc is bending much towards anything. And to top it off, I was sick this last weekend! With a cold! Ugh!

Maybe that's why I am feeling overwhelmed by the We're Here newsletter this morning. Why tears are springing to my eyes as I read John's words about making each other feel warm or Hank's gift card dilemma. I am especially feeling overwhelmed by the description of We're Here, that "the overarching theme is that hopelessness is the wrong response to imperfection."

You guys!! That is so good.

Whether or not the arc of the moral universe is bending in any which way is not my problem! Because I am not in charge of the moral universe, I am in charge of me! And the way I treat myself and my husband and my cats and my coworkers and my neighbors.

Here is the moment of kindness I want to share with you. The warmth that was spread to me during a cold Minnesota election cycle.

After Trump won, I text and called a lot of people I love. Because I was worried about how this was making them feel cause it was making me feel pretty shit. So I texted them things like "hey I love you, let's hang out soon" "hey, I love you, any reaction is an appropriate reaction."

And the best text I got back was from my 60 year old beloved Uncle Gary. I should tell you upfront, Gary's daughter, my cousin, died of cancer when she was 16 in 2010. A dark cold moment in our lives that really fucking sucked. Over the last 14 years without Cara here physically, some warmth emerged. I read the Fault in Our Stars and really connected with what I understand the central theme of the book to be, can the lives that have been cut short be meaningful? yes they sure can. And it led me to finding Nerdfighteria and all of that warmth. It also led to me having a relationship with Cara's family to be extremely deep and meaningful. Cara's sister Rachel is my best friend, the maid of honor in my wedding last summer (where we read an expert of the Anthropocene Reviewed as part of the service).

It also led me to reach out to Gary after the election where he sent me back this incredible text I share with you:

"Love you too. If you'd like to drown your sorrow in some ice cream or a shot of whiskey, or if you'd like to go out in the woods where we can scream expletives until our throats hurt, just let me know. I'm available all afternoon and evening."

In that moment, and in the evening when we did hang out and drink and talk about everything and nothing, Gary made warmth for me where there otherwise wasn't any.

This is definitely too long to include in your newsletter but it felt really good to write. Here is a picture of Gary and me enjoying some delicious Minnesota apples.

Thanks for everything.

Don't forget to be awesome, Sophie

[sophie69420]

September 17, 20(16)(24)

Hey 2016 me how’s it going?

Hey 2024 me it’s pretty good, I mean it’s hot as fuck and I’m really nervous and excited about graduating and some weird/hard stuff is happening with our family but, I’m good, I’m taking two choir classes lol. How are you?

Yeah I mean I’m good too, I think that it’s hot here but it’s like 85 and like really green. The leaves are just turning a bit yellow. I’m so excited for fall.

I’m so jealous.

I know.

So why are you writing to me?

Oh John green made a video and it made me think of you.

I’m so relieved to hear John Green still makes videos.

Me too.

What did he say?

He was talking about algorithms and how they use our emotions as their capital and I thought about how you didn’t know that Tik tok exists. Actually I just fucking googled it and musical.ly is rebranding to Tik Tok exactly where and when you are in September of 2016.

Tik tok like the Kesha song?

Yeah exactly like the fucking Kesha song but it’s apparently not related and we are all just ok and accepting of that? Weird I know. Anyway it’s like Vine with the short repeating videos but they can be longer than seven seconds

Oh my god RIP vine I loved vine

I know, road work ahead I sure hope it does when I see those signs

Iconic

Anyways. Everyone is addicted to Tik Tok now even if they don’t have Tik tok every app is trying to do the same thing, make these short form vertical videos that you can just scroll through for ever and ever. Like Instagram has them and YouTube and like fucking twitter which is called X now but I don’t know if people really call it that is trying to do it to

Is it like the endless scrolling feature but for videos?

Yeah exactly

Huh weird. Why are you telling me this?

I don’t know I guess I wanted to talk to you. Also Donald trump is running for President again.

WHAT THE FUCK

[sophie69420]

Hinterland ratings

Valencia grace:4/10

Was just her in a tutu and a piano and backing tracks. She sounded nice but uncooked.

Debbie Dawson: 5/10

Just her and her guitar, beautiful voice and songs but weird banter in between, not confident

Josiah and the Bonnevilles : 7/10

Really cute lead singer who was earnest and sounded sooooo good, very unique voice

The Last Dinner Party: 10/10

They absolutely killed, great sound great songs lead singer was a star and came into the audience. It was awesome soooo good

Sam Barber: 6/10

Just not for me, only 21, they sounded great but not my favorite

Hippo Campus: 7/10

Sounded great, everyone was really good looking, little basest looked like he was wired on coke which was fun, great songs unique energetic sound

Orville Peck: 9/10

He had the BEST stage presence great outfit great bod great songs storytelling. Point deducted cause he sang off key a couple of times

Hozier: 10/10

Vocalist of a generation, moving in a community and solidarity sense, great throwbacks and new songs

Blondshell: 6/10

She sounded great, small but mighty band gave it her all vocally

Richy mitch and the coal miners: 8/10

Gotta hand it to these kids this was a fun set and they sounded great talked about supporting women in Iowa because abortion

Madison Cunningham: 5/10

She sounded good but she didn’t play the one song I knew and the other music was pretty slow, not a vibe

The red clay strays: 7/10

Oh my god the lead singer has such a great voice and was so suave southern it was so fun, I didn’t stay the whole way

Charlie Crockett:

Puts on an amazing show charisma coming out his butt, super fun performer with his little wiggles, also very southern, they had a trumpet so that was nice

Lizzy mcalpine: 8/10

The band really added to the beauty of each song, the music is beautiful and means so much to me. She had unique runs on fave songs with beautiful voice!! Angelic!

Katy Kirby: 3/10

Just wasn’t hype or memorable so sorry queen

Flipturn: 8/10

Great energy, sounded great, drummer brought a kit into the audience and played and then put the drum on his head and played. Played the song august and it went craaaaazy

The Japanese House: 6/10

We did the wave before she came out

Chappell Roan: 10/10

She is the moment.

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summer 2024 so far.......

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May 2024?!

lova ya

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2/7/2024

I would like to tell you what it is like to be 25 in 2024. Mostly because I want to remember it and everything is so new yet so tired already. I look back at photos of 2012 and Facebook shit posts that I shared when I was 11 because I had Facebook when I was 11 and it helps me remember what it felt like to be young and in 2012.

So, you’re 25 in 2024. Your computer is your job, your job is on your computer? The real world problems happen in the real world though. You hang out with two third graders at a shelter in a church in the richest country in the world and you feel guilty. You ask their mom, “so, where are you from?” and she says “why do you need to know?”. She’s right, she’s on her iPhone, those who need to know know. You think to yourself that the whole point of this is to hang out and learn from each other and that that is an easy take to have as you drive home to your four bedroom house. 

You love Taylor Swift lyrics. She sings to you “I’d like to be my old self again, but I’m still try to find it”, and “it’s hard to be at a party when I feel like an open wound” and you buy pizza for your coworker whose 14 year old niece killed herself a year ago today (February 7, 2024). You eat your pizza as you read tweets (on Twitter which is actually X) about how you should actually hate Taylor Swift because she uses her private jet to fly for 14 minutes and is guzzling gas like it isn’t 53 degrees outside today in February. 

Your friends are young and hot and go on dating apps and talk about sex. You’re in love with your husband, you’ve been married for just over half a year. You go out with your friends, you couldn’t do that right after you turned 21 because of the pandemic, and so you party and kiss strangers like you are grateful you still can. You get drunk and you sing loud. You go home and you cuddle with the person who knows you the best. You talk about work and the meaning of life and you play tabletop role playing games and you feel peaceful and happy. 

And then you look on your phone and like 25% of people are really emotional about a genocide happening on a 27 mile stretch of land that is inhabited by kids and grandparents and uncles. They should be emotional, why can’t you stomach it? Is it white supremacy? That feels like a lot for Mankato on a Wednesday.

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jan 2024

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dec 2023

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sept 2023

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7/15/2023

Wedding memories:

Rachel was barefoot when we got married

Mika and Dr Nick as ushers holding the doors open for nick and I as we walked in

Going to the bar with dad Nick Jack and Rachel right before the wedding

Ms. Gravelle’s gorgeous song

Monty and Will’s adorable walk in together

Megan and Vanessa’s applause sign lol and ms. Gravelle’s kid standing on stage and everyone cheering for her

Nick’s beautiful vows “you deserve it”

Nick sobbing in the basement

Justine doing the SPLITS on the dance floor

Hot hot church

Jean absolutely crushing her reading, LIVE your life, live YOUR life, live your LIFE

Travis the sound guy playing the Joseph mega mix after the speeches

Angie and Erin the pub 500 trivia people surprising nick and I, brought me my topo Chico

Matt dancing just like in his childhood basement

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6.26.2023

How could I find the right words to say enough about Nick? While avoiding cliche? While trying to invent something that I haven’t told him or Rachel or my mom?

When I was 16 my grandma Re sent me an email with 16 pieces of advice, and the last piece of advice was choosing kindness over being right. That was hard for me to swallow. I was a very opinionated 16 year old. I was sure that I was right about so many things, about feminism, about what bands were good or not, about which teachers were smart and good at their jobs which they loved to hear about.

As someone who grew up with the interent, it didn’t feel like I was alone in having opinions and feeling that expressing them and letting other people know they were wrong was how we were going to right the injustices around us. We could rightously anger ourselves into a better world.

Nick, I love everything more because I love you.

Someday my tattoos will fade, and we will forget about the Mona Lisa but my love for you will have left behind a chain of positive energy that will make the next clover or bug

Hi Nick, I’d like to submit this application to be your sidekick. I think I might have accidently tricked everyone, including you, including me, that it is the other way around. That I’m Batman and you’re Robin, that I’m Penn and you’re Teller.

Nick, you often lament about the right words not coming out of your mouth. That the ideas all sort of push forward at the same time. And that’s usually when you are describing what a story you heard on NPR. Well, I feel the struggle in trying to find words to summize the last five years of dating and how I feel they have set us up for marriage.