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With all the trials that come to my life, i believe there is something beautiful that Allah has prepare for me in the future. I believe i surely pass this trials with smiles on my face. I believe there are better days that waiting for me to enjoy them in the future. Not matter how hard the situation is, i still and have to believe for all the goods after all this trials. Just for now, i am hoping for some strength from the Almighty to give me strenght to face all this trial.

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After all this issues that arise already cool down, i wanna move from this place as soon as possible. I am mad. Seriously mad and ive got no one to talk to. Maybe this is a lesson and a way for me to not think and depending on people anymore. You want to go out from my life. Yes you can. Just go. With the open heart, i open the door for you. Go away from my life and never comeback. Dont find me again. Yes i know maybe this is the hardest decision ive decided. But im so done. Im tired. Im broke again my heart just because of one damn person who never appreciate my presence. If i could turn back time, i wish we never met and never know each other. So that i can save my heart from being broken again.

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This time, i am finally give up. Give up to hold onto this friendship again. I will stop begging and hoping for you. Just so you know, my heart is tired, to always hoping and begging for you. This time, once i leave you, i will never looking back anymore. My prayer still with you along all the side of your lives. Thank you for all this time. And thank you for teaching me on how to live without people in my life. I finally decided to walk this path alone. And if you ever need me, im always here. You can find me anytime you want. I will always be there for you. But tbh, to be just like myself back then, i cannot. My heart has already broke. This time, it need more time to heal. But dont worry, ive already forgive you. Just to forget about all the things that happen, i think i cannot. Because this heart is aching every second. You will never know how much this heart had suffer bcause of you. You never for once try to live in my situation, who always longing and hoping for this friendship to work. And now, im thinking to give myself a space. And my heart a rest. From being broken again by my most important friend. And i dont want tears fall from my eyes bcause of you again. Im tired. Seriously tired. Thanks for everything. I will leave and put a stop in this friendship.

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Losing someone is hard when that particular person means the world to you. But im tired of trying to be good enough for you. Im tired of letting this friendship works. Im tired on struggling to make all things work. I can never be good enough for you. I can never the one of your priority. I can never do that. Friend, if leaving you is the option for me, then i will go and never stay again. It is enough for me to keep on hurting my heart. Im done friend. Im tired. Im giving up on us.

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Just to let this heavy heart ease it burden. Im so angry, like seriusly upset with the same thing that keep repeating to happen. Why on earth is still there some people who cant value timing. For once or twice, yes i can accept this. But it kept repeating until i don think i can endure it anymore. Im trying to be as patience as i can with this situation, but tbh, my patience have its limit. At this point, i just wish i can scream out loud, tell people abt my problem, what are the things that make my heart feel heavy. But i cant do that and the only thing i can do is only pretend as nothing happen. Like usual. Im tired for always taken care of others heart while mine one had already broken into pieces. IM TIREDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD. IM MADDDDDDDDDDDDDDD.

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Im feel like for a millions of time, i kept on lying to myself, to always give you the chances that i didnt give to anybody else. The chances for you to break my heart again and again. I know where i stand in your life. I know how unimportant myself to you. How you always make me a choice in your life. Your last choice when you have no one. I know that. Im being patient to this extend but i dont know until when. I don know until when this heart will kept forgiving you for the same mistakes that youve done to me. But just so you know, if one day i leave, im no longer here, next to you, make you a priority inside my life, that is the moment, im giving up. Giving up for all this dramas to happen. Giving up for us. That time will surely come when the day, you can live your life, without me anymore. That is when my heart is finaly find it peace. And maybe on that day, you wont see my face again. I will go, go far from you and your life. And if the time come, don come and cry in front of me, bcause that is the thing that you wont do for me. And i believe, i am always your option. Your last option. Thank you for all the heartbreaks. You thought me to live my life on my own. And thank you for all the memories. I will go, and that is my promise.

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I love the sound of raining🌧️

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So what if you’re alone right now. Embrace it. Go get coffee alone. Shop alone. Drive alone. Watch movies alone. Get to know yourself. Nothing bad can come from riding whatever wave to self improvement you’re blessed with in the moment.

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I should stop thinking of you, i should stop waiting for the time to see your face again. Bcause at the end of the day, im the one who suffering.

Dear heart, i know u are tired of hoping so lets stop okay. We continue this life together and lets Him do His magic. Believe in Him. I promise you one thing, i will take good care of you. I will do. Insya Allah. 💕

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Day rant.

Its been a while since i didnt post or rant anything on my tumblr and somehow i can said that i kinda miss tumblr, just to share my thoughts. Lately, ive been thinking more abt my future, not only the future of my career and family, but more specifically, ive been thinking hard about my other half. It has been almost five years i didnt have any serious relationship or have the person who i turn into when im down. The person ive share my thought, my joy and sadness. And i kinda miss that moment when i can be myself with the person i love and the person who understand me enough. Its not that i am not moving on from my past. Its just that im misssing those meaningful moment. How much im happy at that time. But i guess letting you go and let you choose your path is the best decision ive made in order to let you be happy. Thats the least i can do. And lately, ive been thinking a lot about my life partner. I know i shouldnt think so hard but somehow my surrounding made me think how it is so happy to have one person who always be there for you. Dear you, whoever you are, know that, i already love you even we does not meet yet. I always been thinking of many incidents on how we meet soon and i will smile by myself. I want you to know, i am here waiting for you. Waiting for us to be together and live happily together. To have a children together. To see your face everyday, during my day and night. To hear your voice. To see you smile. To text you whenever i want. And to proudly said you are mine and im yours. Love, i hope for the day i meet you. I hope for us to be patient along our way to meet up. Im waiting for the right moment to come when we both meet and accepting each other flaws and history and decided we willl be together in this dunya and akhirah. And for now, i will take good care of this heart just for you. And also you my love. Please take good care of yourself and your heart. Remember that, someone here is waiting for you patiently. Until we meet one day love.

Sincerely,

Your future wife.

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I promise, you are tougher than you think. You got this.

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youre okay, okay?? :))

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Midnight thought

I know everyone have this thought inside of their life, the thought of their future, the thought of how to continueee life without expecting people to be in their journey too. Tbh, am so tired right now. I just dunno where to start what i had already left. I feel like i just want to stop time and make all this thing clear again, but then i know i cant. Everyday im just hoping that when i open my eyes in the morning, all this burden feels will go away from me. I just want some time to sort things out. To make the things go on in their own ways. But then i realise, no matter how hard ive been trying to run from this reality, i also have to accept that, i need to face it. Because the more you ran away from the reality, the more you will get hurt. The more you suffering. And at the end of the day, youre not going to feel satisfied with any decision that youve made. So, face it, running away wont solve any matter. Sooner or later, you have to face it eventhough how hard the situation is. Just keep praying that all this matter will go on their way and become better. Face it with sabr. If you feel like crying can make this burden feel lighter, then just cry, crying is not weak, its just an action when you cant say into words what you really feel inside. This road may no be easy and smooth sailing but believe that you will pass, believe that one day you will look back and thank for this day because you proud youre not give up for it. All you want to see is rainbows after all this pain. So stay strong my heart, even if you think you dont have shoulder to cry on, but remember, you still have the ground for you to say all inside your heart. Remember Allah because He never let his slave to be in the wrong situation, there must be something that He want you to know. This pain will go away one day. Have faith.