“ must’ve been ignoring you for that part. fine with me , really. more opportunities to keep the other women in my life satisfied. craving ? sounds like you’re dreaming. you’re the easiest to handle out of all of our friends , i’ll give you that. happy now ? ”
“ didn’t i just tell you i hooked up with him the other night ? guess you’re not the only one i’m calling in the middle of the night. tolerating it ? more like craving my attention. why not be honest for once and admit you LIKE having me around. ”
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“ i’m gonna need you to stop saying sweet shit like that , first of all. you’re making it impossible not to fall even harder for you. second of all , you can’t predict any of it. you can say you won’t but what if you do ? and what if it FEELS like the end of the world ? what if i realize i can’t live without you . . . or love anyone else but you. what then , huh ? i’m already in too deep . . . WE are in too deep. and for the record , i’m not worth it. you should have someone better. someone who wouldn’t be questioning all this shit , someone who wears those rose - colored glasses without any second thoughts. you deserve that. i don’t know how else to make you understand this all. ”
“ except you’re wrong aria , it is THAT simple. you could simply trust that i’m not going to hurt you. because i’m not going to. and if , god forbid , something were to happen , then it’s not the end of the world. but if you’re asking for me to just walk away and never talk to you again , i’m not going to do it because i want you. i want ALL of this and you pushing me away like this just makes me want to stay even more. you’re worth it all. ”
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“ this is so predictable of you. you want me to say all the right things and then you don’t even believe them. you’re so caught up self - sabotaging that you don’t even realize you’ll lose me this way. if you want to end things , go ahead. i won’t be begging for you to stay with me. i know you’ll never find anyone as good as me , and that’s a loss you’ll have to deal with. no one else would sacrifice their whole life for you but i’m here , right now , willing. and it’s still not good enough for you. ”
“ yes you’re telling me everything i want to hear right now , but that’s just it. it’s all WORDS. and i believe you , i think you mean it when you say you’re all in right now , but we can’t predict the future. ” dark hues downcast , pausing. “ it just feels like it would be easier to end things here than to create this life together and have you break my heart three years from now. ”
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“ luckily for you , your confidence cancels out your whiny voice. never heard that before , you might need to enlighten me. alright , i’ll take your word for it . . . however , i think you should get ready to regret those words. ”
“ trust me , my confidence isn’t the only sexy thing about me. fall for YOU ? know what they say about big egos, don’t you ? i’ve never had problems catching myself before , don’t flatter yourself. ”
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“ don’t you think i deserve that as an option though ? don’t you think . . . that you should be concerned about different love languages and affection ? i’m not saying i want all these things , all the time. but if you told me you wanted me to bend over backwards for you to feel special , i would do that. in a heartbeat. that’s the difference here. you say you care but . . . you don’t EVER show it. you seriously mean that ? you haven’t thought of another girl , for real ? because i’m finding it harder and harder to believe you. ”
“ i never said you were immature , i’m just saying that whether or not i care about you shouldn’t depend on whether or not i treat you like a trophy in public ? you’re a person , i don’t need to CLAIM you . . . other girls , are you kidding ? the only girl that i’ve even thought of in the last few months has been you. if i wanted to be with whoever you think i’m staring at, i would be. but i’ve chosen you and i continue to choose you , but obviously that’s not enough. ”
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“ not just anyone but , with you ? absolutely. i’d rather fight with you everyday then get along perfectly with anyone else. i don’t know why that’s so hard for you to comprehend. ugh , whatever. there is hotter guys than you out there and worse case scenario , i’ll just fuck him with the lights off. i can’t help if you cross my mind from time to time , it’s natural. what do you want here , reed ? do you want me to leave and never talk to you again ? do you want me to have a fake personality so you’ll like me again ? what the fuck do YOU want out of this ? ”
“ so you’re saying that you want to argue with someone about everything for the REST of your life ? that sounds like fun ? i can’t agree with that , but that doesn’t mean i won’t be jealous seeing you with some lowlife guy. but i can guarantee you he won’t be hotter than me and you’ll still be thinking about me the entire time. that’s the fucked up part of this all , don’t you think ? ”
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pauses , words stuck on tip of tongue. feels impossible to create sound , to formulate these words together because heart pangs , beating against chest in protest. if only it was that simple. “ fine , please leave. ”
“ if your heart isn’t in it anymore , then tell me to leave. it’s not that hard. nothing else you say is going to hurt any worse than this. ”
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“ funny you say a six but i’m the one you’re calling in the middle of the night. ENJOYING ? sounds impossible. more like tolerating it so i don’t have any random girls clinging to me. ”
“ he should know he’s obviously an eight and you’re barely a six. sounds a little possessive if you ask me , it’s almost like you actually enjoy my company. ”
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“ baby , i just told you i’m ALL in. there is nothing complicated about that. i don’t know what you want right now. i’m telling you how i feel . . . i’m telling you all the things you WANT to hear and you’re still here scared. it is only as complicated as you’re making it. ”
“ it is complicated. it’s not like we’re deciding on a dinner place , you’re deciding on whether to move across the country with me. you think i WANT to say i told you so ? this all just . . . it scares me tommy. ”
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“ am i not supposed to admit that you’re wrong right now ? because i think people are allowed to have opposite opinions. whatever. great. so answer this for me then , if you’re done , i’m gonna move on. probably fuck around with someone hotter. you’re REALLY not gonna care ? you’re not even gonna be jealous . . . at all ? ”
“ well it’s not like we’re agreeing right now. sometimes. it’s a normal thing for people to fight sometimes. not every day. obviously we don’t know how to NOT do it , so what’s even the point in trying ? ”
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“ i’m sure it is not an easy thing to hear. however , you’re just trying to make me say worse things. it’s just complicated. i’m not trying to sabotage anything , my heart is just not in it anymore. ”
“ and you don’t think telling me you don’t want me doesn’t HURT ? you can’t say it because you don’t mean it , i don’t get why you’re trying to sabotage this. ”
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“ are you not hearing yourself ? you want to be with me but ONLY in the way you want . . . so , i’m immature if i need a little validation ? this is all your fault. i see the way your eyes linger a little too fucking long on other girls so , yeah i’m gonna feel stupid. did you ever realize maybe i needed you to prove to ME that you cared ? forget everyone else but here we go again. that’s all you seem to ever care about. ”
“ no , you must be joking. i’ve literally been here this entire time because i want to be with you. just because i don’t want to be public about us doesn’t mean i don’t care. what are you ? five ? i don’t need to hold hands on the playground for everyone to see just so you can prove to everyone that i care. ”
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“ your confidence is pretty sexy. trust me , i’ll be nothing but humble when you fall for me. if i’m feeling nice , maybe i’ll even catch you and soften the blow. ”
“ remember this moment when you’re crying a few months from now , i’m pretty sure it’s impossible not to fall for me , can't say the same for you. ”
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“ i mean , like exist away from me. i don’t think you want to but , i think you would . . . and i can’t give you the power to do that. please , you can’t say sweet things like that. this is hard enough as it is , and you saying that makes me want to reconsider all my decisions. of course i want you , of course i want every single second i can get with you . . . but it’s not just that simple. ”
“ so the solution is for me to . . . not exist ? you really think i want to hurt you ? i can’t tell the future obviously, but if this whole thing crashed and burned , it’d be WORTH it to at least have that time with you. you’re worth the what - if. ”
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“ he’s so jealous . . . and for what ? shut the fuck up ava , you’re�� not going anywhere else. you're stuck with me for the night. ”
“ only because he’s staring daggers at YOU , i could go make sure he’s real fucking happy. i’d rather be talking to anyone else here anyways. ”
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“ fine , i guess that’s a risk i’m WILLING to take. you’re gonna have to try harder if you really want to scare me away. ”
“ you’re not the BAD one here. i’m just letting you know , i’m going to break your heart. ”
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“ we don’t need to overcomplicate things. we can go wherever you want , be whoever you want for however long you want . . i don’t care , as long as i have you. fine , worse scenario , i’ll regret this all and you can say i told you so. just . . . trust me , would you ? ”
“ so say we actually say fuck it and move away , start a NEW life. how long until you miss it here ? a week ? a month ? a year ? you’re going to regret me. ”
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