softrosehale

[softrosehale]

Caius Volturi’s Mate Adopting a Stray Dog...

Warning: This post contains a depiction of animal abuse

“Hey. Hey! Stop it!” You rushed forward and slammed yourself into the large man, throwing him off balance. He whirled on you with a harsh shove. You lost your balance, ending up against the opposite wall. Your eyes watered, but it only spurred you to anger as he returned to kicking the helpless creature. You squared your shoulders and strode forward to blatantly shove him again. “Hey!” The group’s attention turned from the dog to you, and he turned to face you fully. His expression told you just how much trouble you were in. Before he could scare you further, or indeed, make any move, Afton cleared his throat behind you. The dog-kicker spoke up in rapid Italian.

…

You looked around. Oh no, where had the dog gone? “Did you see where he went?”

“The dog?”

You nodded.

“Do you want me to find him?”

“I just want to make sure he’s okay.”

“Come this way.”

…

Keeping its body low to the ground, the dog slunk forward to sniff your hand.

“Can I pet you?” When his ears perked up, you took that as a yes. You gently stroked his matted fur. He stilled, clearly expecting pain. “It’s okay. It’s okay, baby boy.” After a few moments, he relaxed under your hand.

“That’s it,” you cooed. “Oh, look at you. You’re just a big sweetheart, aren’t you? That’s a good boy.” 

Clearly starved for affection, the mangy canine leaned heavily into your palm, closing his eyes in bliss. After a moment, he came closer and plopped down with his head on your lap. His soulful eyes peeked up at you as though checking to see what you would do. Your heart clenched as you continued to pet him. “It’s okay.”

You looked to Afton. “How do you say ‘good boy’ in Italian?”

“Bravo Ragazzo.”

Smiling, you leaned down to praise the affection stray. “It’s okay, baby boy. You’re such a good boy. Bravo ragazzo. You’re safe now. I’m not going to let anyone hurt you.”

Thump, thump, thump. You looked back to see the dog had started to wag his tail. Biting your lip, you peered at Afton with a torn expression. He had an unreadable emotion in his eyes. 

He sighed. “You want to keep it, don’t you?”

“I can’t just leave him here…” 

Note: Needless to say, you ended up sneaking your new companion into the castle.

…

“Ah, so this is your secret guest.”

You froze. Trying to slow your frantic heartrate, you turned to him with a nervous look. He eyed the sleeping dog. “He seems most content, as though he knows his fortune in finding such an enchanting guardian.”

You flushed at his compliment. He didn’t seem upset… “Can he stay?” you hedged. You held your breath.

“If you were willing to go to such lengths to get him here, there’s not much use in refusing,” he drawled, with a lifted brow. Then, he reluctantly added, “For all intents and purposes, he is already a member of the Volturi.” 

Your eyes lit up. “Like the royal hound?”

At that, he grinned. “Precisely.”

You gasped in delight and you pushed to your feet, rushing to hug him. “Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you! Thank you so much!” 

[softrosehale]

What do you think the Cullens would do if some person they were talking to, out of nowhere just quite literally exploded in front of, and on them? Kinda like in that movie Spontaneous. Would they lose control and slurp up the mess on the ground, (and themselves) or would their bloodlust be curtailed by shock of wtf just happened?

I'd say something witty about how this is a strange anon to receive, but holy jesus you've sent me down a rabbithole.

Here's a trailer to the movie Spontaneous. It looks amazing. Kevin Feige wishes this had been his plot for Infinity War.

Here's a trailer for the movie Spontaneous Combustion, which I found by accident while searching for your fic. This looks amazing too. Can't believe Marvel didn't buy the rights to this guy.

I'm serious, people, you definitely want to watch these trailers. I just about died laughing.

So, on to your ask.

In the spirit of your ask, which implies a level of randomness, I thought the people blowing up should be random too. So, being in the mood to procrastinate through spending way too much time on tumblr things, I wrote a program that'll generate for me random Twilight characters.

Unsure whether the explosion should kill vampires or not, I generated an answer. The answer is yes, any generated vampire dies.

Without further ado:

Alice watches Vladimir blow up.

Alright, alright.

The first question to be answered here is why Alice is in Vladimir's presence in the first time. In canon they only meet once, at the end of Breaking Dawn.

For the sake of simplicity, we'll have Vladimir blow up then.

The Cullens and the witnesses are all celebrating being alive, when Vladimir suddenly explodes.

For the sake of the ask, Alice is sitting closest to him when this happens and making conversation.

Her first thought is utter shock. Not just that he blew up, but that she didn't see it coming (she wouldn't, because I randomly generated him. No decision was made). Her second thought is horror.

The Cullens just confronted the Volturi, now mere hours afterwards their allies are blowing up.

Holy fuck, Aro has a gifted ace up his sleeve, and he's using it to kill them remotely.

Panic ensues, not just for Alice, but among all the witnesses. Some of them refuse to leave, Bella has to shield those 24/7, though given the belief that her gift is psychic that doesn't make them feel very safe.

The others decide to go after the Volturi and beg for mercy, assuring them they never meant to challenge them.

Aro, of course, is very confused, but agrees. Why, yes, he does have a vampire who blows people up. Yes, yes he does.

Bella watches Aro blow up.

Oh I'm dying laughing at this one. And wishing I'd put this down for Carlisle, that would be even funnier, but alright.

Bella is walking about post-Breaking Dawn, minding her own business, when suddenly Aro appears in front of her. He looks around himself, utterly surprised by his sudden deplacement, and then blows up.

Bella has been living in terror of this man for years.

In Volterra he had his servant torture her and Edward and then made ominious threats, then a few months later the Eclipse disaster unfolded, finally we have Breaking Dawn where he showed up to murder her and everyone she loved.

Her shield may be powerful, but for as long as Aro was alive her family was never truly safe.

His untimely implosion changes all of that.

I imagine after a long moment of incredulity, Bella burns the rubble, just to be sure, then tells her family the joyous news.

Carlisle gives the guy a funeral. It's weird.

Carlisle watches Vassilii blow up.

Close call, due to my not switching out the names we almost had Angela. In which case Carlisle have stood there, covered in blood and in shock for several long seconds, before bringing out the bleach and gasoline for a crime scene clean.

As it is, Carlisle is minding his own business when suddenly an immortal child dressed like a medieval Eastern European appears before him. It says something in a foreign language that might mean "hi", he doesn't know but he says "hi" to it back, then the child blows up.

Carlisle stares at the rubble for a very long time, wondering if he is perhaps losing his mind. If, perhaps, Aro was right about animal blood being a slow suicide, and Carlisle has finally hit the limit for how long a vampire can go on without human blood.

He burns the rubble and prays for the child's soul, as an immortal child is doomed anyway, and keeps his silence about what happened. In part because there's a solid chance this was all in his imagination.

If Aro ever touches his hand again, and sees the immortal child that he burned a thousand years earlier resurrect, travel through time, all in order to blow up in front of Carlisle, he... well there comes a point where you say "nothing to see here" and refuse eye contact with the universe glitching.

Edward watches Randall blow up.

Randall, for the ignorants, is one of Carlisle's friends that came to witness for the Cullens in Breaking Dawn.

Suddenly he appears in front of Edward, says hi and how do you do, and then he blows up.

Edward tells Carlisle, who is saddened by this, and they try to piece the guy together. They fail.

Edward sends a somber thought to this noble man who agreed with Edward that the Cullens are awesome enough to be worth dying for.

Emmett watches Mary blow up.

Emmett will never admit it, but it's the coolest, raddest thing he's ever seen.

Esme watches Eleazar blow up.

Oh boy.

The Cullens are visiting the Denali. Irina has not been dead for long, but given the crystal clear memory of vampires, and the loss they already suffered (Sasha's death traumatized them) it doesn't really matter how long it's been, the Denali are devastated anyway.

The whole coven is as fragile as it can possibly get.

Then, Eleazar goes to join Esme in the kitchen, and explodes all over her and the kitchen.

The remaining Denali and the Cullens are called to the kitchen by the sound of Esme's screaming, and find her in hysterics, surrounded by gray rubble.

The Denali are near catatonic with grief at this point, while cooking has been ruined for Esme. One moment you're making food, the next people are exploding all over your kitchen.

Yeah.

Esme is not okay.

Jasper watches Nahuel blow up.

It's a shameful moment in his life.

But, hybrids are edible.

And that blood was splattered all over him.

Jasper has the worst control fail of his life, worse even than when he failed with Bella because this fail means he can't be around Renesmée anymore.

It's miserable all around.

The one highlight here is that it didn't happen when they were headed to the Volturi trial together.

Rosalie watches Emmett blow up.

Jesus christ, random Twilight character generator, just when I thought you were just going to give me boring results.

Not only does Rosalie lose the love of her life, the guy who kept her together, the one good thing she had going for her who made her life worth living, but he did so right in front of her, blowing up out of nowhere.

There's no explanation to be had, no culprit to be found, no reason for it. She had no goodbye, just as she can have no revenge.

She will never have closure.

Renesmée watches Renée blow up.

We go out on a high note, my god. Well done, generator, I'm laughing.

Renesmée is curious enough about her grandmother to go to Florida. She was going to watch from afar, but finds herself talking to the woman who raised her mother.

It's all going well until Renée suddenly explodes all over Renesmée.

Renesmée's first thought is nothing, she's in shock.

Then...

Well, she was controlled as an infant, so I don't think an adult Renesmée would lose it unless under extreme circumstances, like if she encountered a singer.

More, though, Renesmée might have any reasons of her own not to drink human blood, but she has been raised with this being a big no-no.

So she shouldn't.

However...

Is she ever going to get a better chance?

Ethically, she could easily argue this is the right choice. No one will be negatively affected by this, at least not directly.

The human is right there, already dead, and there's no body so while Renesmée does have to clean up the gore. Hell, if she laps up the blood on her clothes and the ground she will be cleaning up. Why waste perfectly good blood?

If Renesmée Cullen is ever going to have human blood, this is it.

It will come down to how much she respects her grandfather, and how important she believes Renée was to Bella.

-

Bonus, because I'm having way too much fun with this:

Bree watches Atheonodora blow up.

Bree is minding her own business when suddenly a vampire unlike any she has ever seen before, one with hazy eyes and odd skin, appears before her. They stare at each other. Then the woman blows up.

Bree takes this to mean that exploding is apparently something vampires just do sometimes, runs off in a panic and, sobbing, tells Riley.

Riley, having no idea what to make of any of this, tells her it was those evil yellow-eyes with their witchcraft and sorcery.

[softrosehale]

The Cullen fortune is gone overnight. The rest of the Cullens have to get jobs to support their lifestyle.

What jobs would you suggest for them to experience growth/be the best version of themselves? (minus Carlisle, for whom I'm pretty sure the answer is just doctor, unless you have other thoughts)

Alternatively, what jobs would they be objectively terrible at, but you find really funny to imagine them having just the world's worst day at work doing?

Oh this has got to be the best anon I've received all year.

Right then, the Cullens lose their money, we'll say the wealth-eating vampire Ivan (turned in 1929, this bolshevik is on a mission to create a communist utopia, and has the gift to go with: he has the power of liquidating all assets belonging to private persons and companies and giving it back to the state) set his eyes on them and it's history from there.

For the sake of simplicity, we'll say the year is 2008, they're all still living in Forks.

The Cullens could get by on Carlisle's paycheck, he makes enough to pay the bills and buy them something nice every now and then. It's stretched a bit thin, though, the Forks hospital can't afford as much as a hospital in a bigger city could and there are nine of them. He's got the bills and a shared family car (that he (wait for it) has to buy from Billy Black) covered and not much else.

They've got to get jobs.

Alice decides it's time to no longer do what she's good at for free: she's going to become a clothes designer and fashion consultant. With her skill she will take the fashion world by storm, with her family she has the glamorous models in the box already, and with her gift she'll have a failsafe ensuring no idea she has ever fails. She is already planning the Met gala outfits she'll outfit stars in.

The trouble is this: she has no brand and no clients. She's starting at rock bottom.

Never fear: she makes a battle plan for herself. She'll start small with a neat-looking website, promote herself as so exclusive that the reason you haven't heard of her is because she's that big a deal, and she'll attract clients with her amazing concept designs.

She gets Carlisle to invest in the hottest new thing: a stark white MacBook (Image below), gets Rosalie to program the website (Rosalie cries because the programming she knows is from studying astrophysics, she can give you an animation of a sphere's trajectory through a frictionless space if thrown at various speeds, she has no idea how to make a website. She ends up making Alice a blog at Wordpress. It has really nice HTML, though), now it's portfolio time.

Portfolio time goes terribly: Carlisle won't let her publish photos of the family on the interwebz, and the making clothes part of the equation turns out to easier said than done because Alice wants quality merchandise, but quality fabrics are expensive. Carlisle offers to make her fabrics out of wool and hides from the animals they hunt, offering that it would be a rustic look, and she has a horrible feeling he's being serious.

(Alice is in the red)

We cut to how Emmett is doing.

Emmett was thinking he'd get work as a lumberjack, it would be fun and manly, but then Alice bought that computer which has a webcamera and he thought, why not become a fitness instructor? That could spell money.

He asks Carlisle if the computer is a family computer and not just Alice's, Carlisle says yes, Alice fumes, and Emmett sets up a studio in the basement. He publishes one video per day, and his ridiculously muscular frame combined with being an insanely beautiful man wearing a blindfold so he'll be less recognizable (Carlisle's stipulation) while physically exerting himself makes him an instant hit among gay men and straight women everywhere.

(Emmett is in the green)

Esme was inspired by Alice quoting "if you're good at something, never do it for free!" and decided to become a cleaning lady who also cooks. This works really well for the first few weeks: she's incredibly sweet so everyone likes her, she's a white woman so the racists don't worry about giving her access to their possessions, and she's alarmingly talented at what she does. One hour of Esme in your home, and your house smells like cookies and looks cleaner than an operation room.

(Esme is in the green)

The problems arise once Esme's instinct to care for others conflict with her work.

Sooner or later someone struggles to pay her, or it becomes clear simply from the state of their house that this, having someone make their house look nice, is them splurging.

Esme was once on her own, working to make ends meet, and her apartment looked terrible not because she didn't try to keep it clean, but because between working, being pregnant, and saving up for a baby she had no money or energy left to do things like fix flaking tapestry or a rocky chair. And having a clean, pleasant space to live in- it sounds frivolous, but that matters.

She decides to lower the price for cleaning people's houses, and expands so she's now home maintenance, not just cleaning. Instantly she has more clients than she did before. So she expands her work hours, and lowers the price again.

Before long, she throws the towel in and starts working pro bono.

The money she made are spent on supplies, and she starts leeching off of Carlisle's paycheck.

(Esme is in the red)

The family never sees her around anymore, meanwhile the denizens of Forks are now much happier for having a real life Mary Poppins running around town helping everybody. There's a general sentiment that they should do something for this poor woman, who works pro bono for the town's poorest even when her family lost all their money. Between that and adopting all those kids, the Mr. and Mrs. Cullen are starting to look like saints.

Hey, isn't her daughter trying to start a business?

Alice gets her first few clients, three to be specific. One is Jessica Stanley's cousin who's getting married and thought she could save on the dress by having her cousin's former classmate design it, the other two are forty-something women who were touched by Esme Cullen's initiative and thought they'd do something for her daughter. Can't Alice design each of them a gown for weddings and other formal occasions?

Alice wants to be happy she's finally getting off the ground, except-

Those two forty-something women are not the kind of clients she wanted. They're not young, for starters, and they're... well, she isn't sure how to say this to them but if they want to wear one of her designs they're going to have to lose a few pounds first. And get a makeover. It's fine, she can give them a makeover, and Carlisle can set them up with a diet to lose weight (what's that, he can't? Why not? He's being completely- oh, jeeze, fine. Rosalie can come up with the diet then! Or tell them to just stop eating, period, that works too.), Alice will airbrush the photos to hell in her portfolio, THIS IS FINE.

It's not fine.

The ladies get offended and cancel their orders when Alice tries to explain this over the phone, which just goes to prove that Renesmee really needs to learn to leave the room already whenever aunt Alice has a phone call because if she'd been able to See what would happen then she could have found a way to phrase this that wouldn't have lost her two clients.

She's left with Jessica's cousin, who gave her a budget of $500.

For a wedding dress.

And Alice doesn't get to decide anything else, she knows from her gift that the wedding will be- not the worst she's seen, but a pitifully forgettable mediocre with a boring colorscheme and ugly bridesmaid dresses. Nope, she's just going to have to sit there and watch that happen, design a gorgeous dress for this subpar wedding.

Pearls before swine.

Alice tries to reason with Jessica's cousin, and offers to design the dresses for the bridesmaids at a discount. She won't ask them to lose weight, she will pay for the fabric herself if that's what it's gonna take. Fuck, she'll do this for free. Oh, what's that, Jessica's cousin, you already got the dresses? At H&M?!

... this would be a stain on her portfolio. It wouldn't advance her career at all. Alice has got to get out of this.

Jessica's cousin fires her before she can quit.

(Alice is in the red)

Jasper becomes a drug dealer.

(Jasper is in the green)

Edward and Rosalie, meanwhile, both decided that they wanted 9-5 jobs that would get them their paychecks without having to build anything.

Rosalie gets a job as an electrical engineer at an established company that'll pay her big dough, and she now has a bigger paycheck than Carlisle. The problem is that she's a young blonde woman working in STEM.

Rosalie proceeds to spend her workdays being sexually harassed by some colleagues and belittled by others, and has a terrible time.

Still, she stays on the job, because she really really wants to be able to buy things again.

(Rosalie is in the green)

Edward, with his gift and medical training, figures he would do great as a therapist. Steady supply of money, could become a lot of money if he makes a name for himself, and he'd be making a difference for people who really need it.

Carlisle is thrilled: finally, one of his kids isn't telling well-meaning ladies to lose weight, pandering to horny people on the internet (to be fair, no one has had the heart to tell Emmett this. Rosalie moderates his comment section zealously), dealing drugs, or being harassed by sexist pigs! Go forth into the world of psychotherapy, Edward, make that difference!

Edward gets certified (read: Jasper pays Mr. Jenks a visit) and, wanting to prove that he's modest and wants to do good by the world rather than seek money at his earliest convenience, accepts a job as a councillor for college students.

(Edward is in the green)

Edward proceeds to spend his days listening to students with petty problems such as doing poorly in class, breaking up with their lovers, and blah de blah. Edward could not care less about their problems. They're lying through their teeth, too, making the whole thing in an exercise in frustration.

He quits after a month.

Throughout all of this, Bella has been floundering. She has no marketable skills, and... though she won't admit it even now, she did not become a Cullen so that she would have to worry about going to work and making ends.

Just- god, she didn't care about the money, at all, definitely not, it's just that it wasn't supposed to suddenly be gone!

She eventually gets it together and starts applying for jobs.

She doesn't get any of them, not when she's applying for office jobs with nothing to show but a high school diploma.

She starts applying for retail jobs.

The worst application, by far, is calling Newton's and asking if she can have the job back (she can't, they have a new girl. They're very sorry).

(Bella is in the red)

Renesmee, wanting to pitch in, asks her grandpa Charlie if she could get a job. He lets her be his secretary, and she makes $30 per hour telling people to go to the waiting room.

(Renesmee is in the green)

Bella's daughter is now networking better than her and making more money than she ever did. Her daughter is less than two years old.

She asks Carlisle if he's got a job for her, and Carlisle takes pity on her. She is to be his secretary, just man the phone and tell people Dr. Cullen is busy when he is in fact eating squirrels in the woods before a surgery.

(Bella is in the green)

It's terribly unfortunate, then, that Bella in her awkwardness manages to make it sound like Dr. Cullen is masturbating in there (He's taking care of business, har de Cullen inside joke har har. Seriously though, you don't want to disturb him right now.) and has absolutely no ability to keep things secret so she will openly tell anyone and everyone who is seeing Dr. Cullen and for what (I can't believe Mike's got an STD! And he let it get so far, holy cow I hope somebody told Jessica. Oh my god, someone should tell Jessica).

Carlisle is put in the unenviable position of having to fire his daughter-in-law.

Alice gets desperate enough to try Carlisle's animal hides idea, and Carlisle finds himself working round the clock as he gets home from the hospital, and immediately has to go hunt down good pelts so he can then slave away in the one-man sweatshop she set up making woolen gowns. He makes sure Esme is out cleaning 24/7, lest she be dragged into this as well.

Alice still has no clients, but that she'll think of something.

Any day now.

(Alice is in the red)

Emmett gets sued. Turns out his channel was getting people hurt (lift with your backs, guys! When you're stretching, try to make it fast and jerky! Keep pushing if you're uncomfortable, that's when it's getting good!), so now he has legal problems.

Carlisle, Rosalie, Edward, Bella, Jasper and Renesmee each have to pitch in the money they've made to fight this lawsuit and pay the monstrous fine Emmett gets slapped with.

(Everyone is in the red)

The Cullens hold a strategy meeting.

Who's actually made money, who's going anywhere?

Rosalie's making dough, but she's not going anywhere due to sexism in the workplace keeping her from advancing.

Alice may have gotten off to a rough start but she is going somewhere, she assures them. She just needs to change her brand: streetwear and smart casual are much more marketable, and it can still be high end, she'll just make it more down to earth. How's that?

Edward reads in her mind her ideas for $600 sheepskin tank tops, and grimaces, but he's not suicidal enough to say anything.

Carlisle is already making as much as he can at that hospital, if he wants to make more he'd have to move. And then Renesmee and Jasper would be out of work.

Renesmee is actually doing rather well for herself, she's now running errands and taking small jobs around town, picking up $20 here and $50 there. Everyone agrees Edward's niece is a delightful little girl, and she's successfully gaslighting them that she's always been this tall. Or this tall. Or this tall.

Jasper has progressed as well, he is a cleaner now. No, not the same kind as Esme. He's making more money than Carlisle and Rosalie combined, though, so Forks (Well, Seattle. And the state of Washington, really, his guys know distance isn't really a problem for him) is good by him.

Emmett still has his YouTube channel, he's posting videos of himself flexing his muscles and lifting things. People are strangely willing to pay to see that, he's got commissions to eat and wear various objects and everything. Crazy world, eh!

Realizing that his brothers are now doing better than him, one by being a gangster and the other by posting softcore porn, Edward decides to get back into psychotherapy because goddamnit this won't stand.

Bella asks Renesmee if she too can run errands and be Charlie's secretary. Renesmee readily agrees, her aging was getting too obvious anyway. She becomes Bella's... manager, is the term they land on: Renesmee gets the gigs and Bella does them, both make money.

On seeing Alice struggle without initial capital of her own, Renesmee decides that Alice can run errands too. That way, Renesmee's operation can expand and she will be more effectively be able to compete with the other kids in town trying to make dough or that accursed Esme who cleans and paints houses and mows lawns for free. How do we compete with that? By being cheaper than the other kids and better than Esme!

She has to get more manpower to pull this off, so Emmett and Edward get pulled in as well.

She ends up working Alice, Bella, Edward, and Emmett so hard that Alice's fashionista dreams get put on hold (this is also because she's making such lousy money being a one-year-old's below-minimal-wage-worker that after six months she still can't afford any of the things she needs to get started), while Renesmee has the money to hire the kids who were formerly her competition. To keep them on retainer she has to actually pay them, of course, something she didn't have to do with her family because family will work for $5 a gig.

(Renesmee is in the green)

In the end, Ivan the wealth-eating bolshevik vampire is appalled by the monster he created in Renesmee. In his outrage he takes all the Cullens' assets again, and tells the Volturi on them because he won't stand for such blatant exploitation of the workers!

Aro can't even.

[softrosehale]

Edward laying in Bella's bed while she excuses herself to go to the bathroom and he is forced to listen to the plop of each of her poops hitting the toilet water

this blog was a mistake.

[softrosehale]

Jacob and Emmett BFFs pt 3

-they release a rap album on SoundCloud

-it’s not very popular as a whole but a single song featuring Jasper on the banjo titled “Yeehaw and Yippie Ki Yay Bitch” goes viral

-it’s actually a banger and one night while they’re out they hear it in a club and they lose their minds

-they start blasting it in the house constantly because “it’s art you guys” and Edward stays in a hotel for a month until they agree to stop

-it’s actually gets so popular at a local club that Emmett and Jacob are invited to be guest bartenders for the night

-Jacob is actually pretty good but Emmett has never made a drink in his life so he’s just going off whether or not the color is pretty. He gets too creative and adds dish soap.

-They call it the Banjo Beatdrop and it becomes the new eating tidepods-like trend

[softrosehale]

imagine rosalie and edward going to high school when it was just the two of them lmaoo

- “oh yeah, the cullen siblings? they hate each other. but for whatever reason they don’t hang out with anyone else”

- “yesterday in gym class, the blonde one hit a baseball directly into the back of the guy’s head. it should’ve, like, dented his skull or something but he just looked mildly annoyed”

- they constantly bicker at lunch

- no one can hear what they’re talking about but it’s hard to miss them literally pouring beverages down each other’s shirts

- they even go to prom together, which would’ve been weird if it weren’t so painfully obvious that romance is the last thing they have between them

- the whole time they’re needling each other with insults while simultaneously outshining everyone else on the floor

- even though they fight 24/7 it’s obvious that they don’t completely loathe each other because one time in chem a guy said something vulgar about rosalie and edward just so happened to accidentally spill half a gallon of sulphuric acid on him

- luckily the teacher was female so edward was able to get off the hook but everyone knows it wasn’t an accident

- mainly because the chem lab doesn’t have sulphuric acid and about nine people watched edward take a mysterious white jug out of his backpack while deliberately staring at said boy

- but if it was good enough for the police it’s good enough for EVERYONE ELSE

- carlisle decides it might be best to homeschool them for awhile after that

[softrosehale]

Baby photos evidently i don’t understand the phrase ‘quick sketch’ but i will never turn down a chance to good-naturedly shame 1 (one) immortal ginger (feat. ultimate dad carlisle, and bella ‘extremely psyched to have this future blackmail material lying around’ swan) thank you for the ask! assorted twilight trash (6/?)

[softrosehale]

expanding a little bit on this idea

edward figures out bella is a vampire way before bella figured out edward was. he is very intuitive, after all

bella is still a shield. she didn’t know until way after she became a vampire; there were no indicators. she only discovers it upon meeting eleazar for the first time

she was turned in 1917 after contracting the spanish flu. her father, charles swan, also died from the influenza. in his very last moments, he grabbed carlisle by the collar and used his final breath to say “do for her what only you can do, doc”

bella, always one to make the best out of a bad situation, settles in well with carlisle. since she can’t read minds she can’t read carlisle’s Emo Thoughts and is therefore much happier than edward was. she is a positive influence on carlisle.

bella does not have a Dark Period; she isn’t resentful of carlisle. she knows he did what he thought was right and doesn’t let carlisle beat himself up over it

when esme joins the family she becomes the mother bella never had. bella’s human mother was well-meaning but often not as hands-on as she should’ve been sometimes

she has never killed a human. she has Super Self Control after all

her and rose are friends. rose has no reason to be threatened by bella and bella reminds rose a lot of vera. her and bella learn to build cars together

when emmett comes a long they became Instant Chaos Twins. they use carlisle’s exorbitant wealth to plan the most grandiose pranks on each other. they wrestle often; emmett has the advantage of strength but bella’s slight size makes her difficult to get a good grip on

alice takes a shining to bella immediately. instead of moving all of bella’s stuff out of her room like she did edward’s, bella returns home to find that her entire wardrobe (formerly just slacks and button-ups) has been replaced with the finest designer items. bella is too quick as a vampire to fall victim to alice’s fashion and makeup ambushes but when she does partake voluntarily she has fun. the three sisters make a dynamic trio

bella was very intuitive in life so she finds that while she and jasper don’t speak much, they share a lot of comfortable and meaningful silences. they understand each other and form a sort of kinship. they make each other comfortable

instead of her walls being lined with cd’s and cassettes, bella’s room is essentially just a small library. floor-to-ceiling shelves stuffed to capacity with first editions. she has a special affinity for female-written fiction

[softrosehale]

Cullens at minigolf

Well I’m never going to not be thinking abt this so thanks.

Bella: blue ball

Edward: green ball

Emmett: orange ball

Rosalie: red ball

Alice: purple ball

Jasper: black ball

Esme: yellow ball

Carlisle: white ball

Ness: scorekeeper

Alice giggles as they approach each hole because she’s watching everyone decide their strategies. (She also just copies whoever’s strategy is the most successful.)

Edward realizes this at about hole six, when she accidentally stops blaring Radio Gaga in Cantonese through her thoughts, and begins to copy her.

Emmett is too big for the entire course and basically keeps missing because he can’t see the end of the club around his biceps.

Rosalie, the engineering major, has the most success. Alice and Edward are mainly copying her, but because they are only copying they aren’t quite as successful.

Carlisle is terrible. Esme keeps joking about it.

“Aren’t doctors supposed to be good at golf?”

“It may surprise you dear, that I don’t make it down to the links with my colleagues on sunny days.”

Esme either plays a lot of golf or is just having too much fun to be competitive and as a result is doing exceptionally well.

Jasper keeps messing with Bella’s mood as she approaches the tee.

“Knock it off, dickwad!”

“Hit the ball, Bella!”

She’s so aggressively angry at him that she hits it too hard and it sails out of bounds and into the pond.

They’re playing early 00s throwback music and Rosalie, Bella, and Alice are singing in three part harmony.

“We should take this on the road! We sound awesome!”

“Alice, dear, what part of low profile are you not understanding?”

Emmett misses six times on the final hole and recreates the vine where the kid launches himself into the pond at the minigolf course.

The pack was the group behind them and Jake and Seth immediately join Emmett in the pond.

They are asked to leave the premises and never return.

[softrosehale]

Post BD Resolutions:

It's been ten years. Ness is fully grown, Jacob, Leah, and Seth continue to phase, while the rest of the pack hasn't in years. Everything has been quiet, but no one is calm.

Immediately following the confrontation in the clearing, Carlisle and Rosalie begin working on a new project. They've been holed up in the lab for years, only leaving rarely to hunt and to avoid neglecting their family.

Edward is, of course, sworn to secrecy.

So naturally, Bella knows what's happening as well.

So does Alice, who agrees not to tell Jasper, because she doesn't want him to get his hopes up.

Despite the lack of secrecy, there's still an air of mystery when they hear the whooping coming from the lab. Rosalie and Carlisle are laughing, screaming in triumph.

Their relief is short-lived.

Alice has a vision.

"Call them, Carlisle. Call them now."

"Call who, Alice?"

"Everyone. They... they killed Alistair. They're coming after us, one by one. Call everyone."

The Volturi manage to get Kebi, Amun, Tia, Peter, Charlotte, and Liam before they make it to Forks.

Benjamin arrives on his knees. "They took them," he says. "They took them all, and wanted me for themselves."

The Amazons arrive almost immediately, ready to defend their small friend Ness, who is small no longer.

Siobahn and Maggie are furious. Everyone is furious. Their numbers are dwindled. What are they supposed to do?

"Ve take back vat is ours," says Stefan. "Ve have vaited long enough."

This sparks a riot. Why should the Romanians rule? Any one of them should be able to do it. Some clamor for a vote, others name themselves kings in their own right.

The room goes black. Well, Bella can see, but everyone else is scrabbling blindly.

"It should be Carlisle," Zafrina, Senna, and Kachiri say in unison.

"Who brought us here?" asks Senna.

"Who warned us of the danger?" Kachiri chimes in.

"Who is the kindest among us, who wants it the least?" says Zafrina. "Carlisle, the leader of the Cullen Coven, should be the one to uphold the law."

"But he will force us into his lifestyle!"

"I vill not submit myself to animals."

"What's wrong with animal blood?"

"If I may," says Carlisle, "while I'm flattered, and I hear your complaints, I believe my daughter and I have landed on a compromise. If you'll have me."

"It is decided, then. We are all agents to keep the secret, and we answer to Carlisle Cullen." The Amazons speak the statement as if it is law.

They travel to Isle Esme. When they come, they want to keep as many human lives safe as possible.

The Volturi rise from the sea to a phalanx of red-eyes waiting for them.

Every vampire, Denails and Cullens included, has blood red eyes, is at full potential strength.

They don't hesitate. Benjamin traps them in the water, and sends Chelsea into a hole, where Bella wraps her shield around her, cutting her off from the rest of her coven.

Benjamin hurls fireballs, taking down several of the guard before Aro calls for talks.

"You want to talk? Now you want to talk? You come to destroy us on what must be trumped up charges, but you seek peace talks?" Bella spits out, hating these men, hating what they've done to her family.

"Benjamin," Carlisle says, with a light hand on his shoulder. Benjamin drops his hold, and the Volturi scramble to regain their footing.

"Friends, we do not have to fight. These men, they have told you this is the way, but they do not have your interests, or the interests of the world, in mind. They only seek to take what they do not yet possess, namely, my children. I'm here to tell you there is another way."

"Hypocrite," Aro says. "You have the best interest of the world? Your eyes say differently."

Rosalie appears at Carlisle's side with a blood bag. "This is what we drank," she says. "Entirely synthetic." She throws it to Demitri, who drinks it in one go.

"Lies," he says. "That is blood."

"It is not," says Carlisle. "We created it. You have a choice. Join us, leave these greedy men I once called friend, live in the new world, where we no longer have to sacrifice human lives to live ours, or die with your masters."

"The fight has now yet begun," says Aro. "We have the numbers. You're too headstrong, old friend. You will not win easily."

"No. But we will win."

With Bella, Alice, Edward, Jasper, and Kate's combined powers, the Volturi that remained loyal to the three leaders didn't stand a chance.

That wasn't factoring in Benjamin, whose pain at losing his coven drove him wild, splitting the ground beneath the Volturi's feet and raining fire into the canyon he created.

The wolves, three old and four new, phased in by the influx of vampires in Forks, take down more than their fair share.

In the end, Esme convinced Jane and Alec to join them, Carlisle got to Felix, and Heidi left the second Rosalie held up the blood bag. They release Chelsea from the ground and ask if she'd like to join them, and she accepts.

They lost Maggie, Eleazar, and Senna in the fight.

They are avenged with the heads of Marcus, Caius, and Aro.

Eventually, years later, when all vampires are using the synthetic, they come out to the humans. Strict laws prohibit the creation of new vampires without a heap of bureaucratic hoops to jump, and even then, one can only be changed by Carlisle himself.

There is peace, until there isn't.

But that is a story for another time.

[softrosehale]

rose and emmetr hcs? 💕

Follow-up:

Emmett and Rose get married at least once every ten years. Even if they're in the middle of a new high school career, they sneak off to get hitched.

Rosalie is always willing to wait until they can do the big shindig, but Emmett gets too antsy and giddy and just wants to say the words again.

Hearing Rosie say them doesn't suck either.

And any excuse for a wedding night is always good enough for Emmett.

She rolls her eyes, but Rosalie loves it.

Rosalie loves photography, and Emmett is her favorite subject.

She fixes up a sweet "new" vintage car, loads her equipment in the back, and she and Emmett drive until they find someplace secluded and sunny.

She takes thousands of photos of the fractals surrounding Emmett, the rainbows dazzling in a lower exposure.

Emmett doesn't mind, but his favorite picture is one he took while she was getting nature shots.

Rosalie, her hair pulled back and a soft smile on her face, the camera held up to her face, shocking rainbows dancing across her skin.

She just looks so... Happy. Peaceful. It's Emmett's Rosalie, not the hard, cynical Rosalie that most people see.

She scoffs when he tells her that, but he can see the clench of her jaw that means she's hiding emotion. He just smiles.

She doesn't have to say it, he knows.

Even though someone insane says they don't need to shower, Rosalie loves baths. The warmth is almost like being human again.

Emmett joins her sometimes, but he knows she likes to be alone, too. It's relaxing.

So he draws her bath for her a lot. He knows how much lavender oil and bath salts and the right temperature. He buys bath bombs and dried petals.

Rosalie always remembers and finds little ways to pay him back. A fun new video game, a bear hunt, a trip to the Northern Lights. Anything to show him that she remembers the things he does for her and wants him to feel just as loved.

There are days when she doesn't want to deal with anything, wants to wallow and hate herself and what she's become and everyone around her.

Those are the days when Emmett knows she needs him the most.

So he stays still and silent, the only time he ever does, and is just there.

Their love is demonstrative, yes. But it's also molecular. The very essence of Emmett was created for Rosalie, and her for him.

When nothing else makes sense to them, that does.

[softrosehale]

Headcanon: Emmett does not make fun of Bella anymore. This became a solid notion on a friday where all the Cullens and Bella were in class, except for Emmett, who had a free period. Having absolutely nothing to do, he decided to sit outside the building where he’d have his next class. He stared at nothing and played with a rock for some time when his brain suddenly focused on Bella. He realized his little sister was inside that same building when he heard Tyler Crowley call her name. Emmett then proceeded to hear the guy good naturedly make fun of her, just like he used to do, and some other people laughing. It started to piss him off a little, because it felt different from when he’d make fun of her, but Emmett wasn’t planning to do anything about it. And then he heard a little sniff and the group quieted down abruptly. Bella apologized quickly. And it dawned on Emmett that they had pushed her little sister over the edge of embarrassment where she’d start crying. When Bella came out of class, Emmett didn’t mention what had happened nor the fact he’d heard it all. He just took her hand and squeezed it, his heart sad for her still slightly wet eyes. And from that day on, Emmett never forgot the look on her face, because he knew his little girl shouldn’t be suffering anymore than she did when they all left her.

[softrosehale]

floral headcanon prompts, requested by @statticghost

poppy: success headcanons for bella

after becoming a vampire, bella wasn’t too sure what she wanted to do with her life. her only goal for awhile now had been to live an immortal life with edward, and now she had that. she was happier than she had ever been for a long time. but after a few years, the lack of any real hobby outside of reading began to bother her. she had read most of carlisle’s books; it was pretty much all she did when she didn’t have to be faking her way through school, hunting, or spending time with edward. even he had hobbies he liked to do, so she couldn’t be with him all of the time.

she started exploring different activities. esme tried to teach her painting and drawing, but she never really got the hang of it, and didn’t enjoy it too much. she loved looking at esme’s work, but she didn’t want to create any herself. alice offered to teach her about fashion design, but bella quickly turned her down. she had never been interested in that. her self control wasn’t quite THAT strong enough to work on being a doctor with carlisle, and she still had no ideas or interest in learning mechanic skills with rosalie. her lack of interest in sports as a human carried over to her vampire life, much to emmett’s dismay. so she was never really sure what to do.

so sat down one day, looking at a stack of sketchbooks that esme had bought her. each one only had a couple drawings in it, before it had been discarded due to lack of interest. she thought about giving them back to esme, knowing she would find a use for them. but she didn’t really want to let them go; she loved the fact that esme had thought to give them to her and didn’t want to risk hurting her feelings by giving them back. she grabbed one of the books at random and flipped through to a blank page, grabbing a pencil out of the collection of drawing pencils that was nearby. she made a few marks on the page without thinking about it, not sure what she wanted to draw, or even if she did. the sound of edward’s piano drifted up the stairs. she concentrated on the notes, seeing if she could grab any inspiration from them. they didn’t give her any ideas for what she could draw. but drawing wasn’t the only thing she could do with a sketchbook and a pencil.

edward walked up the stairs, after having spent the past few hours practicing playing the piano. he found bella still sitting hunched over her desk, the pencil quickly running back and forth across the pages. her watched her for a moment, wondering what she was up to but not wanting to disturb her. he waited for a bit, expecting her to hear or see him, but she still didn’t look up. eventually, curiosity got the better of him, and he walked over to see what she was working on.

bella jumped at edward’s approach, stopping mid-sentence and dropping her pencil. “edward! you scared me!” she said, standing up and playfully punching him on the shoulder.

“haven’t been able to do that for awhile now, have i?” he responded, bending down for a brief kiss. “what were you working on?” he asked, motioning towards the half-filled sketchbook, page after page of bella’s slightly messy handwriting.

“oh, uh… just started writing a little while listening to you play,” bella said, picking up the sketchbook and closing it.

“looks like more than a little,” edward said with a smile. “what were you writing?” he reached for the sketchbook she was now clutching to her chest. “may i?” she handed it to him.

“just a story,” bella said, not really sure how else to describe it. “thought it might be a fun hobby to try,” she added awkwardly, as edward began to read what she had written. she watched as he flipped through the pages, wondering what he was thinking.

“bella… this is wonderful!” edward said, setting the sketchbook down and pulling her into a hug. “i’m so proud of you.”

“thank you, edward,” she said, hugging him back before taking her seat again. she picked her pencil back up and grabbed the sketchbook again, flipping to the last page she had written on. “i just have to try and finish it now,” she said, writing a few more words. 

“what do you plan to do with it when you’re done?” edward asked.

“hadn’t thought about it,” bella said slowly, twirling the pencil between her fingers. “probably just start a stack or something of them? i’m enjoying writing it. so i may try writing some more.”

“would you be interested in publishing it?” edward asked her.

“what? how?” bella asked in surprise.

“self-publishing is pretty easy now. and you could use a pen name for secrecy. carlisle and i could help you edit it. i think people would be interested,” he said with a shrug. “why not?”

“we could try, i guess. if you really believe it would go anywhere.”

“i believe in anything you do.”

“you’re just saying that,” bella said with a roll of her eyes.

“bella, i have never in my life doubted you. and it has nothing to do with being irrevocably in love with you.” he smiled and stepped over to her for a kiss. “now i’ll leave you alone to write,” he said, leaving the room. bella smiled to herself and went back to writing, shortly finishing the book. 

true to his promise, edward helped edit it, and carlisle joined in. alice was able to see whether a publishing house would be better than self-publishing, and found a few they were likely to have success with.

bella published her first book under the name renee masen, beginning a series of modern fairy tales. she published other types of books under different names: a bunch of children’s books (illustrated by esme) under the name lillian platt; historical romances (meticulously researched with the help of her immortal family) under the name mary whitlock; anda few random mystery novels under the name mary mccartey. her books did moderately well, and she was able to donate the royalties to various children’s literacy groups. 

every new book she wrote was first handwritten in a sketchbook; she loved to get them as gifts from her various family members. the words always flowed easier when handwriting, instead of typing. every time she finished a book, she would give the handwritten copy to edward: her first, biggest, and most supportive fan.

floral headcanon prompts

see on ao3

[softrosehale]

Jacob teaching the pack to make little wooden charms?? Like them all having a boys (and Leah lmao) night and making little wooden figurines together? I just think it’d be cute,,

so i have very little knowledge of woodcarving myself, so these turned into craft night headcanons ft. woodcarving. hope that’s ok!!!

Sam insisted they did group bonding activities every so often. They knew each other from growing up on the reservation together, from school and family friends, but they didn’t hang out in a group before the transformation. After, they saw plenty of each other, but it wasn’t social. So Sam said they’d have more fun and work together better if they hung out more, so hang out they did. 

A couple attempts at game night didn’t work out (it got too competitive), and neither did movie nights (half were too loud and half just wanted to watch the movies - if they could ever agree on one). Jacob was the one who finally suggested craft nights. Most of them had a skill to share and it would be something fun to do while learning something new.

As it was Jacob’s idea, he went first, and he chose to teach wood carving. They all learned the basics at some point or another, but it had been awhile for most of them. He gathered up a handful of wood pieces and scraps and all the tools he had. They always had these events at Sam’s house as he had the biggest living room where they could all fit. Jacob carefully spread everything out on the table, where the rest of the group quickly joined. He spent the next few hours teaching them the basics and then some. By the end of the night, everyone had some form of simple carving done - from Sam’s little star to Paul’s more detailed treble clef.

Quil volunteered to go next - he wanted to teach everyone weaving. He had taught himself over the years, and was excited to share that skill with his friends. His yarn collection was quite extensive, so it was easier to meet at his house. Everyone chose their yarn and sat on the floor in his room, following along with his descriptions. They all made squares that Quil later sewed together to make a blanket, which they gave to Emily. Her birthday was coming up anyway.

Leah had recently picked up painting again. She didn’t really know how to teach that, nor did she particularly want to. Instead, she went to a few nearby craft stores, and picked up some cheap paints and a bunch of paint-by-number kits. They burned through them all in one night, choosing whichever colors they wanted to create their masterpieces and fighting over the best ones.

To help control his temper, Paul had taken up macrame. The work was simple and repetitive, which helped him refocus himself. So he showed it to everyone else. He borrowed some yarn from Quil, and brought some of his own. The basic knot was easy enough for him to teach, and after that everyone started making small bracelets for each other. Everyone left that night with a full wrist and slightly sore fingers.

Embry continuously argued that he didn’t have a creative bone in his body, but the others insisted he take a night and bring in a craft. He searched around and brought in a bunch of sheets of paper and instructions to make an origami wolf. They all struggled with the instructions, but a few hours later they all had something resembling a wolf - sort of. 

A tie-dye night was Seth’s choice. Everyone pitched in to buy the t-shirts and dye, and set up in the Uley backyard one sunny day. Seth had printed out pages and pages of patterns, and they all chose one to try. They sat out for a few days to dry and for the colors to set, and then they gathered again to rinse them out with a hose - which immediately turned into a water fight.

Jared had taken a couple of art classes online, and had learned a couple of different drawing games through them. One involved creating blind contour drawings, and he thought it would be fun to create portraits of each other that way. He gathered up all his old markers, found some poster board from past school projects, and instructed everyone what to do. They all had fun laughing at each other’s attempts, and spent the rest of the night decorating them. 

more fic // request fic

[softrosehale]

Making Twilight gay, but not with who you expect: Headcanon addition

-Bella’s entire high school friend group realizes that they’re gay and were just forcing themselves to go out with each other/ask Bella out in Mike and Eric’s case because of compulsive heterosexuality and internalized Homophobia

-Eric is the first of the guys to realize he’s gay when he plays spin the bottle at college and discovers kissing guys is way more fun/enjoyable than kissing girls. He has a few flings and one night stands, but being Asian and a nerd at University with a bunch of racist, rude assholes makes it hard to get a boyfriend 

-He drags Mike to a gay club one weekend when they’re both back in Washington and that’s when Mike gets his Awakening, surrounded by really cute guys giving him a lot of attention and all wanting to buy him drinks. He realizes it was really Bella he was jealous of the whole time and he was just pissed off that Edward wasn’t kissing him. But now he has like 10 guys numbers in his phone, so TAKE THAT BELLA + EDWARD (he still cares about them both and all, he’s just angry he didn’t realize what was actually going on with him sooner). 

-Mike goes on dates with the guys who’s numbers he got and even sets Eric up with some people. They both had a short-lived relationship with a few of them, but none of them lasted. 

-Eric and Mike get drunk together one night in Eric’s apartment. Eric is an emotional drunk and ends up pouring his heart out to Mike about how he’s scared he’ll never find love, and how he’s afraid of what his parents will think. Mike tells him he’ll be there, every step of the way. His head was too far up his ass to really help Eric out in high school but he’d be damned if he let his friend get hurt again. When Mike leaves that night Eric kisses him on the cheek when they say goodbye and he has a Crisis. He can’t leave his dorm for days. And he can’t stop thinking about how nice it would have been for Eric to kiss his lips rather than his cheek. 

-They eventually get together. But it takes forever. And epic wlw intervention, provided by Angela and Jessica 

-Angela realized she liked girls her senior year. Did you see how she was looking at the Cullen’s cousins at Bella’s wedding? That girl was confident in herself. When Jessica shows up on her door one night, in tears with makeup all over her face and rambling something about how she thinks she likes girls and guys, she brings her inside and sits her down and explains to her that it’s ok. It’s ok to like guys and girls. She wasn’t broken. She told her what being bisexual meant and gave her some people to contact that she’d met at her own college that Jessica could talk to, to meet more people like her. 

-Jessica, of course, wants to experiment, because she’s Jessica, and Angela happily agrees. They kiss, do some sexual stuff Jessica is curious about, and eventually, Jessica asks Angela to be her first (and hopefully only/last/permanent) girlfriend. They aren’t nearly as clueless as Mike and Eric. They go on a lot of super cute dates, and their relationship is a lot more on the romantic side than some people would expect. 

-Both relationships work out wonderfully. Jessica and Angela get married after dating for two years, but Eric and Mike wait until after they complete their undergrads. Eric’s parents were accepting but Mike’s weren’t and he wasn’t allowed back home, so the Yorkies let him stay with them on the long breaks and vacations during college. 

-The entire Cullen family and several of their friends went to both weddings. Bella is just relieved she won’t have Mike chasing after her anymore, but Edward just smiles knowingly. Eric and Mike really hadn’t been subtle in their thoughts during locker room changes, but they’d pushed those thoughts down, and Edward was happy to see them finally be true to themselves. 

-Tyler was Eric’s best man, and Mike’s was a guy he’d met at college. Bella was Jessica’s maid of honor, and Alice was Angela’s (they bonded during the wedding planning). The toasts and speeches they gave were all emotional. Mike and Angela cried at their respective weddings. Bella also cried. Jasper would have cried if vampires could shed tears. 

-They all remained happily married, Mike and Eric adopting two kids and Angela and Jessica decided that the two of them were enough of a family. They all grew old together, and while Bella was sad to see her friends age without her she was grateful they had all gotten their happy endings. 

[softrosehale]

ooh, headcanon prompt for how leah eventually warmed up to esme?

Esme watched from the window as Emmett, Seth, and Jacob wrestled in the backyard. Her eyes drifted from group of boys over to where Leah was sitting alone on the porch. She was picking at the hole in her jean shorts absentmindedly, her brow furrowed in annoyance.

Esme walked into the kitchen, stacking the cookies she’d just finished baking onto a plate followed by some rice krispie treats she’d made specifically for Leah. Seth mentioned just a few days earlier that they were Leah’s favorite sweets.

She poured a few glasses of the pink lemonade they loved so much before carrying it all out onto the porch. She placed the drinks and plate down on the little table situated between the porch chairs.

Leah looked up at her. “Thanks.” She muttered.

“Do you mind if I sit with you?”

Leah shrugged. “It’s your house.”

Esme took a seat in the chair on the other side of the little table. In the yard, Seth was taking a running leap onto Emmett’s back. Her son threw the boy off of him and laughed.

“Emmett, be careful!” Esme called, watching Seth stand up.

Seth waved at her. “I’m okay, Mrs. C!”

She waved back with a smile, shaking her head at the boys antics. She looked at Leah. “You don’t want to get down there and wrestle?”

Leah shrugged again. “I did for a little while but then I got bored.”

Esme nodded, nudging the plate of treats closer to the girl. She reached over and took a rice krispie treat, smiling slightly.

“No wonder they’re all idiots.” Leah said as Jacob shoved Seth’s head into the dirt. “They keep slamming their heads into things.”

Esme laughed softly. “It’s a good thing they’re all extra durable.”

All three boys ran, crashing into each other and landing in grass. The impact of their bodies made a mark in the land, their clothes covered in grass stains.

“Durability can’t fix stupid.” Leah commented, shaking her head as she took another bite.

The vampire glanced at her, smiling sadly for the girl who must have been so lonely. The young girl who’d had her heart broken too many times. “It must be difficult being the only girl.” Esme said softly.

The girl shrugged. “It sucks sometimes.”

“You know, for a while I was the only woman in this family.”

“Really? Blondie and the little one weren’t here?”

Esme shook her head. “When I was turned, it was just Edward and Carlisle living here.”

“So, Edward’s older than you?”

“Not exactly. He’s been a vampire longer than me but I was born six years before him.”

“Weird.”

“Yeah.” Esme said with a smile. “So, it was just me and the boys for a while. They were kind, of course, but I missed the company of other women.”

Leah was quiet, watching the boys as she listened to Esme.

“I know this seems odd- this friendship that our families have now but…we care for you just as much as we care for the boys.” Esme told her, picking another rice krispie treat from the plate and offering it to the girl.

Leah hesitated a moment but then took it. “Thanks.”

“If you ever need a break from wrestling and…fart noises, you can always come find me. Or Rosalie, Alice, or Bella.”

“I don’t like all of that girly stuff that they’re into.” Leah said quickly.

“Believe it or not, Leah, the women of the Cullen family are into more than just painting our nails. Not that we don’t love that too but- you could play baseball with us, help me fix up some houses, or in the garden. You might find that you like it.”

“You fix houses?” Leah asked, her curiosity piqued.

“Mhm. In fact, I built this one.”

“You built this?!”

“Designed it too.”

“Wow.” Leah said, looking back at the house. “I didn’t know you could do all that.”

Esme shrugged, smiling. “I’ve been alive for a long time. I needed something to do with my time. And I’ve always loved art…creating.”

“I used to like to build houses with…blocks.” Leah smiled slightly self deprecatingly. “That’s nothing-”

“No, it’s not nothing.” Esme said quickly. “I started off by building little houses for the barn cats on my family’s farm.”

“Really?”

Esme laughed. “Yeah. A few poor cats had their homes collapse on top them.”

Leah couldn’t help but laugh too. “It looks like you got better, though. This one hasn’t collasped.” She gestured to the house behind her.

“No, it’s been a while since one of my houses collapsed. And even then it had nothing to do with my work and everything to do with the rowdy teenaged vampires living in my house.”

Leah watched the vampire, surprised by her kindness yet again. Not that the others hadn’t been nice enough but they didn’t actively try to include her in the way Esme did.

“Maybe I could help you sometime.” Leah said.

“I’d really like that, Leah.” Esme said, smiling as she sat back in her chair.

send me fic prompts

[softrosehale]

headcanon that emmett has never once told rose that she was beautiful.

he’ll agree, of course, if someone else points it out, but even when she’s not in the room he’ll think of something else to say.

he’ll call her fierce. he’ll call her wicked smart. he’ll compliment her knowledge of cars. he’ll say indomitable and strong-willed and loving and generous and protective and powerful and kind and loyal, selfless in the way that she’ll let the world burn, and herself included, before she lets someone hurt the ones she loves, (which he’ll always insist is the best type of selfless). he’ll compliment the fact that she can take down a bear without getting a drop of blood on her clothes. he’ll say survivor and strong and healer and guardian and badass, he’ll compliment her on her baseball skills and her impulse control and the little dramatic wicked streak that makes the two of them a menace when they team up for pranks, and tell her that her sense of humor matches his perfectly.

never once has the word beautiful, in any of its forms, passed his lips.

it’s been a century, and he still has new things to say. new compliments as he sits, idly toying with her hair.

because he knows that she was defined by her looks, and he knows that she still is, by ignorant vampires who look and assume that her only talent is beauty, and he knows that she has heard “pretty” enough times that it has stopped being something to be proud of and started being armor.

and he’ll be damned to hell before he lets himself be another person who can’t see past it.