softlixies

[softlixies]

We are…

If we were a movie,

We are one day.

We are love, Rosie.

About time.

And all other films about missed opportunity.

Our love is battered and bruised,

And yet stands unnerved by the coming storm.

We are two directions of wind,

Brushing past one another for short bursts of time.

And then we are gone.

We are 22.

20.

16.

We are tears mixed into the rain,

And the sun that burns them away.

We are anger,

Hurt,

Confusion.

We are everything and yet nothing.

We are missing and yet whole.

We are the trope that keeps romcoms going.

We are.

And yet we are not at all.

[softlixies]

I am a girl who doesn't want her man to buy her expensive gifts. I am a girl who craves love and care. Don't buy me stuff, do things from your heart. Like, write a letter straight from your soul that will reach my soul, and I will read it ten times every day until I memorize it by heart and take its essence with me when I am gone beyond this life.

@scribblersobia

[softlixies]

falling in love makes me want to eat

[softlixies]

And after a while you just stop. You stop watering your plants. You stop watching netflix. You stop reading. You stop replying to your friends as fast as you used to. You stop buying yourself nice things. You stop putting an effort into how you look. You stop taking care of yourself like you used to. You stop sleeping. You stop eating healthy foods. You stop petting your dog. You stop socializing.

You stop with everything. You find yourself sitting in your room for hours on end, without doing a single thing. Days feel like years. And you think you can’t do it for much longer.

[softlixies]

I don't even know if I love people anymore. I don't know if I was in love everytime I claimed to be in love. I think I was just obsessed. because I need to be obsessed with one thing or the other. if not I'll have to focus on myself, and anything is better than focusing on myself. so I choose to be obsessed and I call it love so that I can romanticise it and make it seem all rosy and good cause otherwise my whole life is falling part and i am falling apart and none of it is beautiful. so I pretend. I pretend to be in love, when I'm just obsessed. and when the person I'm obsessed with leaves, it hurts, it hurts like hell because I'm kicked back to reality again and I have only me to focus on and I'd rather do anything BUT that.

I don't think I've ever been in love. I don't know what love feels like. and that bloody sucks.

[softlixies]

don’t get involved in people’s drama. when they talk about their issues let them talk and only give advice. don’t invest more into people’s lives than your own self. you just gotta know how to deal with people.

[softlixies]

Studying so no men is better than me.

Studying so no men can mensplain shit to me.

Studying so I get better grades than the sexist men & get them angry.

Studying to be better than anyone who talk shit behind your back.

Studying to be sexy & intelligent.

Studying to hear more often “ how can you be pretty & get good grades”

Studying to be the hot intelligent ex.

Studying to be the boss of shitty men & treat them how they deserve it.

Nothing is better than a hot women with something in the head.

Studying to not marry a rich man, to be the rich man.

[softlixies]

this last weeks i was truly happy.

i’ve gone out with friends almost everyday and i was never tired of it.

it felt like the days i did nothing, were so boring.

everytime i was outside, everything was great.

i was happy the whole day.

i woke up and was excited about the day and i went to bed happy.

without negative thoughts.

but right now i start worry again.

because everytime i’m so happy and carefree i wonder when it will stop.

it kinda stopped yesterday not really.

the last weeks were amazing and i don’t want to start that negative shit again.

i want to be as happy and outgoing as i was the last few weeks of summer.

this summer has been amazing until now. but i know i’ll ruin it somehow with my overthinking soon.

there was only one moment where i felt like everything’s too much.

but just one little moment. and the day after, everything was fine again.

i wish i could live like that forever.

not naive but like free.

[softlixies]

The things that make me fall in love with you more every day.

Your box smile when you’re laughing too hard. How you give me all the gherkins. The way you manage to always be in the way when I’m cooking. Your ambitious nature. How, to you, there’s always a sunny angle. The way you know I like the first seasons the most. How you butcher my language every time but try so hard anyway. The way your sideburns splay out when you’ve let your hair grow out. Your monobrow I have to pluck, weekly. Your angry face when you’re concentrating. The way your eyes crinkle when you smile. Your love of garlic and acceptance of my overuse. Your face when you’re playing guitar and think no one can see you.

The things you don’t know are there, are the things I love most about you.

You might not see it, but it the most important to me.

[softlixies]

need new playlists on spotify? *READ BELOW*

I made a bunch of different playlists for different kinds of moods. Most of them is about love in one way or another. I’m definitely NOT done editing them, but go check them out, maybe you want to save some of them?

15 playlists, 15 different meanings  

we’re ending and it hurts - for when your relationship is ending and you know it.

you were the love of my life and I lost you. - for when you’ve lost the person you loved. 

you’re the one - a bunch of happy love songs to listen to when you’re in love.

maybe one day we can be together - right person, wrong time playlist.

you chose someone else instead of me - when the person you loved decided to be with someone else instead of you.

I’m sorry - VERY short, but songs for when you’re sorry for ruining your relationship. 

I will always love you - songs that just says “even after everything, I will always love you”. 

you cheated, it sucks - The title is the playlist.. being cheated on.

I can’t let you go - even if you want to let go, you can’t. 

I miss what we were - songs where you can think back at the times you had together. 

lets move the f*ck on - songs that gives you the kick to move on!

we’re a mess and I love it - being with someone, it’s messy, but you love it.

I’m with someone new, but I still miss you - the title says it all.. VERY short

I left because I had to - songs that helps you realize you had to move on, even if it was/is painful.

you’re not who you used to be - a playlist to listen to when they aren’t the ones you fell in love with. 

As said before: They aren’t completed at all, but check them out!

[softlixies]

Puzzle 9

I used to say, If only you appreciated all the things I did for you.

I made a playlist on your 22nd Birthday with all the songs that reminded me of you and us.

I wrote poems about you and tried to immortalise your quirks and memories, to honour the love we had.

I put you first. Yes, catered to your happiness irrespective of all the pain, hurt and longing I felt. In the hope that you would see my worth and keep me in your life forever. Even though you plucked me, I was still trying to get you to love me, you love-bombed.

Now, that I sit here, and think about it, you never asked me to do these things for you. I did it all on my own accord, its true you asked for money and superficial things I gave it to you but I should have loved me more and I wouldn’t have felt this much remorse.

[softlixies]

I’d be lying if I said I don’t miss him. But I’d also be lying if I said I do miss him. If I'm being honest, I miss the way I felt around him. I miss the smile in my face in all our memories. I miss the way he knew everything about me. I miss the good morning texts. I miss how effortlessly easy it was. I miss his hugs and his lips. But I don't miss the way my heart shattered. I don't miss when I found out what he did. I don't miss feeling like I wasn't good enough. I don't miss feeling lied to. I don't miss not being able to rely on him or the way he'd ignore my texts when he was mad. I don't miss holding onto the hope he'd change. I'm stuck in between, somewhere in the middle of I hate him and I don’t think I’ll ever stop loving him.

[softlixies]

I want to destroy everything. I want to ruin my life, smash glass bottles agaisnt walls, run away into the night and get in trouble, scream and yell at the top of my lungs, get into fist fights, and stand up for myself. I want to be so so angry and loud about how awful I feel that everyone realizes that I was never okay, and I was never going to be okay, and that they left me behind to suffer. But I'm too tired. I'm too tired to move, to think. I just want to lay in bed all day and ignore the world. I just slap on a neutral face and do as I'm told. I wish I could be so angry about how sick I've become, but instead I keep quietly to myself, and live another miserable tired day.

[softlixies]

You can't keep doing this.

You can't keep doing shitty things and then feel bad about yourself like that makes it okay.

You need to be better.

You are all the things that are wrong with you.

It's not the alcohol, or the drugs, or any of the shitty things that happened to you in your career, or when you were a kid,

it's you.

[softlixies]

My traumatized brain: everyone will hurt you and no one can be trusted

[softlixies]

What hurts me the most is realizing that i was not the one you're looking for..

[softlixies]

Today I was at my worst, I cried and cried and cried and cried some more till the tears dried up