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I think I’ve finally cracked it

Edit: Guys I changed this a long time ago as a reblog, but I had only watched about half of season 1 of enterprise when I made this, I am here to correct my mistake:

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Funniest room in the series

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Tank reminds you to do your daily click for Palestine

BE SURE TO HAVE ADBLOCK OFF BEFORE CLICKING

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"when I was younger" bro everything you've ever done happened when you were younger dipshit

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this is the best tik tok ive ever seen i love her so much

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"You can’t separate us, not unless we’re willing to do so."

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Let’s Have Another Bullet Point Story, Courtesy of a Friend

So I have a friend that used to be in the tumblers troupe at the renfaire as a contortionist

We were chatting online and she told me to tell you all this story.

I love Kat dearly

but she forgets that she’s stupid strong and hypermobile

so one day she throws her back out

bad enough that she needed painkillers and couldn’t stand upright

“But also I needed Tampons and like.  A Burrito, real bad.”

she’s flat on her back in her apartment when she decides this

and, in an

impeccable

leap of reasoning, decides

“I can’t roll my back forward to sit/stand up like normal.

But I can ARCH my back just fine.

SO 

I’m going to do that and get on my hands and feet in a stomach-in-the-air this-shit-belongs-in-a-horror-movie-type pose,

And amble on down to the 7-11”

“And get me that Burrito”

It is, 

for context, 

after midnight in July during a wildfire so it’s hot as satan’s own asshole and the moon is red and shit’s already generally cursed.

Imagineyou are some poor sap working nights at the world’s deadest 7-11, and you hear the door jangle but you don’t see anyone’s head over the counters.

Whatever.

Except you keep hearing noises like there’s someone in the next aisle over.  

Fucking around in the burrito section

It’s also worth mentioning that Kat

1. sings whatever earworm is currently running through her head when she’s not paying attention

2. sounds EXACTLY like some kind of creepy child from a horror movie when doing so

tonight’s song is something from veggietales.

DUDE ACTUALLY STANDS HIS GROUND

and/or is really fucking high and isn’t sure if he’s tripping balls or notanyway

Kat goes up to pay for her burrito and tampons

She realizes the counter presents something of a challenge, and then demonstrates for me on her kitchen table at 4AM during a different july wildfire, 

exactly 

how she used the shelves to climb up the counter 

like one of the boston robotics beasties

dude stares at her for like, five minutes and says.

“Register’s broke.”

“Oh No!” Says Kat. “Just Take ‘em.” “Really?  I can leave cash-you don’t have to give me change I don’t want you to get in trouble with your manager.” “…Nah.” “Oh!  OK!  Thank you!” “Yeah ok bye.”

Shortly after she arrived back at the apartment, she got a text on her phone from the campus security about  "A Suspicious Individual” at tle 7-11. 

It took her 

FOUR

FUCKING 

YEARS

 to realize she was the suspicious individual

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"the magnets that fix your depression?"

"the magnets that fix your depression."

"i don't believe in that."

"dude i've been there."

"how would that even work?"

"they use magnets."

"magnets?"

"to fix your depression."

"the magnets that fix your depression."

"they use the magnets that fix your depression."

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cozy capybara

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this callout couldve been a block button

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*goes to egg your house but I find out you're vegan so I ¼ cup of unsweetened applesauce your house instead*

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There's something awful about forever.

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If your boss could, they would work you to death and dump your body behind your workplace without the police caring. If they cannot do this to you right now, that is historically contingent - they used to be able to do this to you, they currently can do this to other people, and in the future they will likely be able to do this to you again. The only thing that has ever prevented them from doing so is worker organisation and violent resistance against violence. You are livestock to the ruling class. Never trick yourself into thinking that these people will not slaughter you as soon as it benefits them, and do not avert your eyes from the slaughter now.

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malevolent is a very fun flavor of unreliable narrator. narrator who you're in a situationship with. narrator who doesn't know what owls are and gets scared of your reflection. narrator who refuses to narrate when he doesn't want you to find your keys