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Incorrect Troy 2004 quotes because the generator gave me to much power. features y/n. in which everyone inexplicably talks to each other and gets along because I need to laugh, multiple different shipping of y/n x Troy charecters
Odysseus: So what’s the plan? Y/N: I don’t know. You’re smart, points at Achilles they’re mean, come up with something.
Y/N: sighs Paris: You bored? Y/N: Yeah. Paris: Wanna start drama for no reason? Y/N: I thought you’d never ask.
Patroclus: If you get in trouble, I'm gonna be like… a lawyer to you. Ok? Paris: Okay. later Hector: Paris! Sit down on the chair, you're in trouble. Patroclus, whispering: Deny everything. Paris, loudly: That isn't a chair.
Y/N: So, Odysseus is late today. Anyone wanna bet why? Y/N: I say they slipped through the subway grate and is having terrible sex with the mole man. Paris: I don't know about that…I think either their alarm clock didn't go off, or they're in line at the bank. Hector: Take this more seriously! Odysseus was clearly taken in their sleep! Patroclus: I bet they tucked themselves into the bed too tightly and got stuck. Achilles: Maybe they fell into another dimension where they're more interesting…? Odysseus arrives Odysseus: Sorry I'm late - there was a problem at the bank. Paris, clapping their hands in excitement: HOT DAMN!
Hector: Y/N kissed me! Achilles: Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God! Hector: It was unbelievable! Achilles: Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God! Odysseus: Okay, we wanna hear everything. Achilles, get the wine and unplug the phone. Hector, does this end well or do we need tissues? Hector: Oh, it ended very well. Achilles: Do not start without me! Do not start without me! Odysseus: Okay, alright, let’s hear about the kiss. Was it a soft brush against your lips or was it like a, you know, “I gotta have you now” kind of thing? Hector: Well, at first it was really intense, you know? And then, oh God, and then we just sort of sunk into it. Odysseus: Ohh… So, okay, were they holding you? Or were their hands on your back? Hector: First they started out on my waist and then they slid up and then they were in my hair. Achilles and Odysseus: Ohhh. meanwhile Y/N eating pizza in their house: And, uh, and then I kissed them. Paris: Tongue? Y/N: Yeah. Patroclus: Cool.
Hector: Just be yourself. Achilles: Really? Hector, I have one day to win over Y/N’s parents. Achilles: How long did it take for you guys to like me? Odysseus: Couple of weeks. Patroclus: Six months. Paris: Jury’s still out. Achilles: See Hector? ‘Just be yourself,’ what kind of garbage advice is that?!
Y/N: Achilles is too tall for me to kiss them on the lips. What should I do? Hector: Punch them in the stomach. Then, when they double over in pain, kiss them. Paris: Tackle them! Patroclus: Dump them. Odysseus: Kick them in the shin! Achilles: No to all of those! Just ask me to lean down!!
Odysseus: A mouse! Patroclus, pulling out a knife: Go back to where you came from or I'll stab you. Hector, pulling out a frying pan: It'll make a nice meal! Paris, giving the mouse cheese: You deserve a treat, little guy. Achilles, gasping: It's Ratatouille! Y/N: His name is Remi, dummy. Odysseus: …I was going to say to just trap it and throw it out the window… what is wrong with you people.
Odysseus, driving and singing to the Little Einsteins theme song: We’re going on a trip- Y/N: In our favorite piece of shit! Patroclus: Doing 95! Achilles: We’re gonna fucking die!
Y/N: ARE YOU- Patroclus: Fucking. Y/N: KIDDING ME?! YOU- Patroclus: Fucking. Y/N: IDIOT! Achilles: …What was that? Patroclus: Odysseus banned Y/N from swearing, so I’m helping them out.
Hector: Where’s Achilles? Y/N: Around. Hector: Around? Hector: You don’t have any idea, do you? Achilles, dropping down from above: Did you know there’s a space above the ceiling?
Andromache, to Y/N: You drink too much, swear too much, and your morals are highly questionable. Y/N: … Andromache: You are everything I’ve ever wanted in a best friend.
Helen: You’re drunk. Y/N: Correction: drinking. Present tense. Grammar, Helen.
Y/N: I'm sorry. Please talk to me. Helen: Y/N: Hello? World's most amazing person?? Sweet pea? Precious cinnamon roll that's too good for this world, too pure? Helen: 'Sorry' doesn't bring back my fucking M&Ms.
Y/N: Hey. Briseis: Hey? Y/N: I can't sleep. :/ Briseis: I can. Goodnight.
Helen: very seriously You need to stop doing weird things to cope with the stress. Going outside might help. Y/N: I went to the park today. Helen: There you go! I hope you got something from that. Y/N: opening their coat This duck.
Y/N: Oh, fiddlesticks. Andromache: Look, I understand this is a tense situation, but let's watch the fucking language.
Patroclus: My favorite thing about big dogs is that when you push them over, they're all like "Oh, I'm lying down now! Someone might scratch my stomach! I might nap! Endless possibilities!" Y/N: …whereas, when you push little dogs over, they're all like, "Vengeance! Death before dishonor!"
Y/N: makes Achilles a cup of tea but puts salt in it Achilles: sips tea Y/N: Achilles: finishes tea Y/N: Didn't it taste bad? Achilles: Yeah, but I didn't want to hurt your feelings so I drank it all. Y/N, tearing up: Oh, okay.
Y/N: Lol. Heads up if you try to make a candle with food coloring, the food coloring will just sink to the bottom of the glass, and when the flame eventually reaches the bottom all the food coloring will catch fire and become one giant tall flame that you cannot possibly blow out and the glass will start to crack and then you’ll throw your tea on it in a panic and then the extremely hot food coloring will boil and sizzle horribly and then the glass will shatter. Please take my word on this. Hector: What did you do Y/N? Y/N: a Mistake.
Andromache: What the hell is wrong with you? Y/N: I have this weird self-esteem issue where I hate myself but still think I’m better than everyone else.
Y/N, with a headache: Advil me up, daddy. Patroclus: I will short out the language centre of your brain if you say anything like that ever again.
Hector: We’re playing Scrabble. It’s a nightmare. Patroclus: Scrabble? Scrabble’s great. Hector: Not when you’re playing with Odyessus, it’s not. They put words like “ephemeral” and I put “dog.”
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