snowybazs

[snowybazs]

Chapter 8-1

Forever

Read Heartstopper Online

More info/buy the books: https://aliceoseman.com/

Heartstopper updates three times a month, on the 1st, 11th, and 21st at 11am UK time.

[snowybazs]

more snowbaz. feeling very normal about them

[snowybazs]

i should write more snowbaz fics......

[snowybazs]

made a carrd for my commission info

[snowybazs]

opened an artistree so commissions are more convenient on both ends! please consider checking it out and reblogging to help me out, i am currently unemployed so art will be my only source of income for a while

link

[snowybazs]

Thinking about how Simon Snow's journey in understanding love and sexual attraction is just so very interesting. It's obvious looking back how it's only ever been Baz for him, but it's also clear why there's so much confusion for him, even outside of the typical roles they were all playing (hero, damsel, enemies, etc). Just some of the points on my mind:

-When he first sees Agatha, he's stricken and drawn to her beauty (she's notably very traditionally beautiful, down to the blond hair). He imagines what it must be like to be that beautiful, and he links it to "being untouchable from things that can hurt you". She was kidnapped all the time, so clearly he doesn't mean physical things, it's about being loved and wanted: the opposite of how Simon feels. But he wants to feel like that too, he wants to be beautiful (even if it's just by asociation) so he wants to get closer to her–but it's notably superficial (sitting beside her), rather than emotional closeness or intimacy. Heteronormative brainwashing makes him mistakenly reframe this as feeling attraction and wanting to date her (this is why an aspec reading of Simon helps understanding him, he doesn't know how attraction looks like, he doesn't experience it like the "norm"–nothing about this scenario is "regular boy with a crush", the are some issues to process here folks!). Funnily enough, a boy with feelings of inadequacy wanting to "draw strenght" from the "desirability" of a conventionally pretty girl feels like a queer experience to me!

-Simon has very little to say about Agatha outside of her beauty. Little that's positive, that's it. Much of what he says about her reveals that he doesn't share her interests, and he doesn't truly understand her either. He doesn't really feel the inclination to change that either, he barely even thinks about her. He looks at her, but he doesn't really see her.

-It really stands out to me that one of the first things he says about Agatha is that she's a weak magician. Sure, that's just what it is, and he's just going to think about magic while on his way to a magical school. But there's something to kinda introducing someone with "here's something that's hard for them and they're not particularly fond of" y'know?

-It's the complete opposite with Baz. He can never stop thinking about Baz, even when he's convinced that he absolutely hates him. He can't stop following him everywhere, he always wants to know where he is, what he's doing, what he's thinking about. He never wants him out of his sight. He always wants to know if he's safe, that he isn't in trouble. He reframes it as "I absolutely have to know what he's plotting!! this is about life and death!!!" but this is actually about Simon wanting to know everything about Baz. He wants to be closer to Baz than anyone else, and this isn't superficial: he wants emotional closeness (and later, he wants the intimacy). It's why he gets so pissed at the insinuation that someone else who might know Baz better than him ("no one knows Baz better than him!!")

-Simon going to Baz's football matches and violin practices is totally about Simon wanting to be part of Baz's interests. He wants to see Baz doing things he likes and that he's good at. I mean, what kind of "plotting" would a little emo gay do while playing his little violin? you're not fooling anyone Simon!

-When Simon talks about Baz's physical attractiveness, it comes hand in hand with a comprehensive list of things he knows about him (once again I must bring up that aspec reading). Even when he doesn't have the full picture, even if he misunderstands him, he does know a lot of shit about Baz. And Baz's "beauty" (or rather, how dare he be so fit and so bloody perfect!!!) isn't made into a "thing" for Simon to project his insecurities and fears and wants into. It's just part of the package, of a whole person Simon is very interested in.

-A Simon in doubt is a Simon ready to stab. An emotional Simon is also a Simon ready to stab. Naturally, when attraction for Baz starts manifesting, he wants to jump him, he wants to fight him, he's ready to pull that sword out (i know we can come up with a double, perhaps even a triple meaning here).

-Following the line of some previous points, one of the things Simon finds attractive is how good Baz is at the things he does. Once he has this figured out, he's jumping him to make out with him because it's so hot that he can see Baz fight, and he didn't even have to pick a fight with him himself (implying one of the reasons Simon picked up fights it's because he thought Baz's hot when he fights) (related: Baz looking unimpressed with him in awtwb gets him hot and bothered)

-Many elements like a heteronormative mindset reinforced by his surroundings (he never really thought outside of this until he's literally kissing Baz, at which point he goes "i'm kissing a boy!!"), Simon not understanding attraction (aspec reading!) among other things makes it understandably very hard for Simon to figure out himself and how he feels. Hell, he's settled in a relationship with Baz 100% sure of his feelings for him, and he still has much to figure out.

[snowybazs]

do you ever think about how lister’s twitter is canonically a PR nightmare

[snowybazs]

Just realised that I have lost the file for this fic. My laptop got wiped :(

May or may not have started a new snowbaz fic

[snowybazs]

pastel-baz -> snowybazs

[snowybazs]

I have changed my url!!!

pastel-baz -> snowybazs

Might change my url,,,, pastel-baz just feels a lil basic

[snowybazs]

Might change my url,,,, pastel-baz just feels a lil basic

[snowybazs]

Happy Snowbazday to all who celebrate 💛

[snowybazs]

two days till Christmas, perfect time to come over to my house covered in mud just cause you found a clue about my mothers murder that we’re trying to solve, follow me to a vampire bar, and kiss me to stop me from killing myself in a forest fire that i started (and i’ve been in love with you for three years), any takers?

[snowybazs]

took me a while to get back to working on it, but this is nice. im enjoying this. been a while since i wrote something low pressure.

also if anyone has a suggestion for a new username im a little sick of this one

May or may not have started a new snowbaz fic

[snowybazs]

May or may not have started a new snowbaz fic

[snowybazs]

And they were roommates! (Snowbaz fic)

My writer self is back, armed with a cringe title and a whole lot of angst. Ladies, gentlemen, and nonbinary folk, I bring you a second part of the only fanfic I have ever written: And there was only one bed! (full of me projecting onto Baz because I can)

Summary: Baz and Simon have been sharing a bed for quite a while now, but their relationship is not progressing at all. Who will make the next move? Can they just talk to each other like normal people? Find out for yourselves!!

Word count:  7,5k

Tags: sharing a bed, kissing, unholy amounts of angst, heartbreak, oblivious gay energy, Penny the emotion translator, eventual fluff, Baz being a tortured soul x10

BAZ

What followed was silence.

Approximately five weeks passed since the time Snow exploded at me – this time in verbal form – and demanded we keep sleeping in the same bed, for no better reason than he wants to. (Look at pretentious I am, saying “approximately” like I haven’t been counting every single night.) 

Each sunset marked the time Simon Snow would come from the bathroom, breath smelling of peppermint toothpaste, and lay down in my bed. Sometimes I wasn’t there to witness it, as I was at football practice or feeding underground, but I assumed it would always happen like that. I could see him there, waiting for me, every time I closed my eyes.

I didn’t even have the energy to call myself pathetic at this point. I was too far gone.

The issue I had with this was that we – upon previous agreement, you could say – didn’t ever talk about it. At first, that seemed ideal. Wouldn’t it be dangerous to get too close? We might as well avoid it. Not give anything we were doing a name. What an adventure,I thought like the idiot I am. We would be secret lovers that didn’t call themselves secret lovers for the safety of it.

Now, I desperately wanted something defined. Something I could name and understand.

Keep reading

[snowybazs]

SIGN-UPS ARE OPEN! Click here to register!

Sign-ups close DECEMBER 1, 2020.

Submission deadline - FEBRUARY 10, 2021.