snowsilver2000

[snowsilver2000]

Listen i ķnow this will get resolved

But I just need to be dramatic first

[snowsilver2000]

— happy accidents ⟢

being kindred spirits in solitude, a quiet evening away from the festivities is just what you and your good friend, diluc needed. until you accidentally fell into a lake and made your night ten times worse (read: better).

★ FEATURING; diluc x reader

★ WORD COUNT; 8.2k words

★ TAGS; friends to lovers, banter, smut ★ NOTES; this was originally commissioned by my good buddy good pal @joonie-beanie back in april last year, and i deigned to turn it into a diluc bday fic! so happy bday, resident emotionally constipated redhead, and thank you to bean for trusting me to write this for you!!

★ HEADER ART CR; nokkusu on ig

★ SMUT TAGS; lots of teasing, oral (m & f receiving), vaginal fingering, orgasm denial, unprotected sex, aftercare, dom diluc

If someone told you that every day is a festival in Mondstadt City, you’d believe them in a heartbeat. From bards serenading passers-by in every street to the taverns welcoming patrons left and right – you had infinite choices on how to spend your Friday night. 

But as fate might have it…you’re stuck tending to a game booth in an actual, official Favonius-mandated festival instead.

You have nothing against celebrating Ludi Harpastum. It’s your favorite time of the year! It’s everyone’s favorite time of the year! But this week’s set of commissions from the Adventurer’s Guild have become more ridiculous than the last – how the hell were you assigned to escort transport balloons five days in a row?! – and honestly? You want nothing more than to go to town with your buddies for a drink or two. 

Plus, wreaking havoc at Angel’s Share with Kaeya and Rosaria was practically routine now. Having to forego the sacred tradition in favor of covering for one of your colleagues at the Guild was more of a drag than you initially expected. 

After said colleague injured his leg on a field job, he practically begged for you to take this special commission from his hands. It’s from a big-shot client, he said. He’ll nuke the Adventurer’s Guild if we turn him down, he said. Overdramatized explanation aside, you took it without that much of a fuss. 

The commission sounds simple enough on paper – the main reason why you accepted in the first place. It said all you had to do was watch over the ring toss booth near the city gates, and you’ll get seventy percent of the revenue as compensation. You’ve heard enough hearsay about how much these booths actually earn during festivals, so you agreed to watch over it for a week, tops. Maybe you could squeeze a bit more cash to splurge at the bar once everything’s said and done.

On your third night on the job though, you finally start asking yourself if this was all worth it.

“Rough day?”

You startle to see Kaeya approaching as you begrudgingly close up your booth – shooting him a puzzled stare as the cavalry captain simply grins. Like he knows you’re having more than just a ‘rough day’. 

“Didn’t I tell you how I hate taking commissions that require me to deal with people?” you grumble before tossing a sheet of cloth over the ring toss pedestal, hiding it from view. 

Kaeya chuckles. “For someone who loves buying rounds for the entire tavern once the alcohol finally sets, you’re terrible at public relations. When it comes to your job, at least.”

“Drinking and having to run around doing everyone’s weird errands are two completely different things,” you argue.

“If it’s so terrible, why don’t you just quit?”

…Damn it.  

“Anyway,” you emphasize, eye twitching with annoyance. “Where are you headed? Usually, you’d be terrorizing the people at Angel’s Share by now. And by people, I meant Diluc.”

“You flatter me!” The captain laughs again. “Well, I figured I’d flutter off to Cat’s Tail since Master Diluc’s flock of admirers tonight is a bit…stifling.”

Once you’re done securing the booth to make sure no burglars try anything funny, you flash Kaeya an unconvinced look. “Oh? Finding a group of ladies stifling instead of smooth-talking them into admiring you instead?”

“Hehe, though that’s my usual modus operandi on any other evening, what kind of fiend steals the thunder from the birthday boy?” 

That makes you pause. 

“It’s Diluc’s birthday?” 

He nods. “While he may appear holier than thou – a god amongst men – Diluc actually has a birthday! Shocking, isn’t it?”

“Shut up,” you huff. “I’ve been drinking with you guys for years, but he’s never celebrated it. Not even once!”

“Well, that’s probably because he’s always out there saving the world even on his special day, no?” Kaeya shakes his head with a smile. “We’re lucky enough to have him in our midst this year, but I’m afraid his suitors know that very well, too. Just when I thought I could talk him into mixing me that limited edition Dead After Noon…”

You find it a bit funny, picturing the owner of Angel’s Share dealing with a bunch of customers-slash-admirers that just want to greet him a happy birthday. If you aren’t fond of human interaction on the job, Diluc is most definitely allergic to it. But with how exhausted you are, you can’t bring yourself to give an outward reaction.

“I take it you’re not in the mood to drink until dawn at the moment?” Kaeya follows up, brows raised. “I was actually patrolling the perimeter earlier today. Children can be quite…competitive when it comes to carnival games, if I do say so myself.” 

Oh. He must’ve seen those stubborn kids who wanted to keep playing despite having no mora left to fork over. Too bad for them – you haven’t been in the most stellar of moods today, much less a generous one.

“Katheryne told me that jobs like these require the patience of a saint,” you say. “Sister Rosaria would argue that I wouldn’t gain any of that even in my next life.”

“I second that,” Kaeya hums along. “Speaking of Sister Rosaria, I believe she’s waiting for me with a mugful of ale. If you change your mind, come over to Margaret's, will you?” 

You hesitate for a moment. Spending time with these odd vision-wielders took off the day's stress better than simply sleeping it off – you know that pretty well. But you're just so sick of these tedious commissions, that you kind of want to have some time for yourself. Gods, the things you'd do just to snag a job that requires you to venture off somewhere faraway instead of where you are now...

Giving Kaeya one last apologetic look, you say: 

“Maybe next time.”

Are you really a Mondstadter if you don’t like Ludi Harpastum?

The question has been plaguing your head since your first day on the job. It’s the same question you ask yourself as you pass by the taverns and restaurants still bustling with business even this late into the evening. As the jovial noise flits through your ears, instead of being filled with the festive spirit, all you feel is annoyed. 

Things weren’t always this way, though. You wonder if you’re just frustrated about being stuck in the city for longer than usual. You’re an adventurer, for archon’s sake. Sure, accepting boring commissions was part of the job, but anyone would lose their mind if they had to keep repeating the same routine. 

Instead of heading home like you originally planned, you decide to make a quick detour.

The docks just outside the north-east gates are always empty come nightfall. More so now, with the festival in full swing. Usually, you amble by the lakeshore to clear your mind when you don’t want to rely on alcohol to do the job for you. There’s just something so…calming about the sound of water running beneath your feet, and the evening breeze blowing past your face. If you couldn’t go on riveting adventures, at least you can imagine the wind taking you somewhere else, right?

“Hm? It’s you.”

That familiar voice is enough to snap you out of your temporary haze of relaxation – blinking at your present company with a scowl.

Up ahead, you spot Diluc seated at the edge of the dock, the sleeves of his dress shirt folded up to his elbows. His fiery hair shines even under the flimsy light of the street lamp, and it takes you a moment to process that he’s actually there – a pile of stones resting on top of the folded coat right next to him. 

Was he…skipping them across the water?

“Master Diluc,” you greet him with a lopsided smile – making sure your face doesn’t betray your curiosity too much. “What brings you here?”

“I could ask you the same thing,” he replies, taking one of the stones before making it skip four, five times across the lake’s surface. “I thought Kaeya and Rosaria would’ve dragged you off to drink elsewhere, yet here you are.”

You shrug. “They did, but I wasn’t really in the mood.” 

“I see.”

The silence settles over the both of you once more, and you dare to stride closer. With each step, the wooden platform groans beneath your weight. You train your eyes on Diluc as you take a seat next to him – half-wondering if he minds the intrusion. From the way the man quietly resumes his past time of skipping stones, though, you think you’re in the clear.

Your legs dangle over the edge along with his. You don’t really expect him to speak. Whether it’s about today being his birthday or the so-called admirers he’s garnered at the tavern, it’s all the same. Diluc Ragnvindr isn’t one for small talk. You didn’t have to be acquainted for years to know that.

“You’re running a booth this year, aren’t you?”

…Or not.

“I didn’t think the news would reach you,” you say, not bothering to mask your surprise. “I am – against my own will, but that’s besides the point.”

He breathes a sound that suspiciously sounds like a laugh. “Still can’t say no to jobs you don’t want to take. Didn’t Rosaria already talk you out of that habit of yours?” 

“Hey, I’m not some hero-in-disguise who has the freedom to choose who I’m gonna save for the day.” You scoff. If Diluc notices the direct jab at his alter-ego, he doesn’t show it. “Work is work, whether I like it or not. Gods, I wish they would assign me on an expedition soon, though…”

He stares at you passively, weighing a stone on his gloved hand.

“What about your booth then?” 

“It’s just some stupid ring toss booth.” you explain. “Maybe if you train enough out here, you can snag the grand prize in one go.”

Diluc simpers. “Bold of you to assume I’d actually spend my mora on a rigged game.”

“Excuse you.” You’re too late to stifle the gasp that you breathe in, a semi-offended grimace framing your lips despite the fact that you hated your job. “The wooden pegs are just painted for an added…optical illusion! It’s to increase the difficulty.”

“So you admit it’s rigged?”

You click your tongue. “It’s not my fault that customers think the pegs are closer because of the aesthetic! If they really want to win a lifetime supply of sunsettias, they shouldn’t let measly handicaps like that get in the way.”

Diluc tosses another stone into the lake – this one only skips twice before sinking to the bottom.

“A lifetime supply of sunsettias,” he repeats. “That’s your grand prize?”

“Hey, if you don’t like it, then don’t play.”

Again, silence – albeit more comfortable.

Sure, you didn’t get to drink and sing along to a bard’s tunes with Kaeya and Rosaria like usual, but Diluc makes for a good substitute. Even if he practically accused you of being a fraud. When you met him years prior, you never would’ve thought you’d be able to hold a casual conversation with Mondstadt’s wine tycoon like you are now. 

As you sneak a glance from the corner of your eye, you realize that Diluc looks more disheveled than usual. Dress shirt rumpled. Red tufts coming loose from his hair tie. You can’t miss his oddly unguarded demeanor as he sits next to you even if you try, which is a surprise in and of itself, since he’s so uptight even inside his own tavern.

“...A little bird told me you had a bunch of suitors hounding you back at Angel’s Share.”

Diluc pauses for a while before casting you a perplexed stare. “What are you talking about?”

“You’re no fun.” You pout. “I’m talking about all those birthday guests trying to woo you, who else? Don’t tell me you turned them all down without giving at least one of them a chance.”

He takes on an unreadable look – one that tells you he’s ruminating about how you found out about both his birthday and those pushy patrons. In the end, Diluc decides not to ask since the answer is as clear as day anyways.

“You shouldn’t believe everything Kaeya tells you,” he tells you gruffly. “All that ever comes out of his mouth is a melodramatic version of the truth.”

“So there’s still some truth to what he said then?”

He looks like he’s trying very hard not to say something unbecoming of a gentleman to your face. “I held no such event to commemorate anything. The daughters of some shifty business partners just wanted to secure their livelihood by currying my favor is all.”

“Harsh as always,” you sigh. “What if those ladies genuinely liked you? How could you dismiss a person’s feelings as nothing but a ploy instigated by their rich fathers?”

“I personally don’t understand why everyone is more concerned about the state of my love life than I am.” He shakes his head, and – oh. He does get context clues about romance after all. “I don’t concern myself with the…attention of my patrons, because first and foremost they’re my patrons. Second, I don’t have time for trivial things like that.”

Now, that’s just sad. The man sitting right next to you has a face worth a million mora, yet he chooses to live a maidenless life. 

“Look, I know you want to focus on protecting everyone from the shadows, but you should enjoy yourself from time to time, too,” you say, feeling a bit hypocritical given the fact that you were internally bitching about the festival before you ran into him. “It’s a miracle you’re even here, and not – I don’t know. Burning some Fatui bastards on a spit-roast or something?” 

“Who ever said I’m not enjoying myself?”

You scowl at him again, already pitying him at this point, but you know Diluc won’t have any of it anyway. “Diluc. Master Diluc. Famous wine tycoon. Most renowned bachelor in all of Mondstadt – are you seriously committing yourself to being celibate for the rest of your life in the name of justice?”

He laughs almost mockingly. “If I am?”

“Well,” you start, swallowing thickly. “You’re too cool for that.”

“...I’m too cool to be celibate?”

“Yeah! Maybe if you just tried talking to one of those admirers of yours, you’ll finally get some action,” you elaborate without a shred of shame. “Clearly, there are already those who are interested – all lined up outside Angel’s Share, I bet.” 

Diluc soaks up the silence once more before letting out a real laugh – one that catches you off guard, but is a welcome surprise no less.

“You and your insinuations,” he quips, sounding more amused than vexed. “Now who’s the one who told you I’m not getting any action?”

That makes you whistle. “Oh? He who doesn’t love anything else but Mondstadt is actually getting some? Now that’s something Kaeya, Rosaria, and I are going to have a field day talking about.”

“And why is that?”

Taking a stone from his little pile, skipping it across the water like he did minutes earlier. You even burn through his whole collection until you have nothing more to throw. Diluc’s eyes don’t stray too far as he waits for your response – making you flash him a patronizing smile. 

Others would’ve probably talked smack about you teasing someone as famous and powerful as Diluc, but he’s always let you off the hook every time. That’s enough grounds to assume you’re at least a bit special, isn’t it?

“I just can’t picture you holding someone else’s hand, much more taking someone to bed,” you admit, but there’s no animosity in your voice. The words weren’t meant to tease, they’re just what you’ve generally observed about him. And you know goddamn well that a hundred other people would agree with you, too.

You wonder if Diluc is going to take that as the last straw and finally give you a piece of his mind. Sure, he’s comfortable to let you talk so boldly, but at the end of the day you’re just a regular customer at best. Maybe you shouldn’t try to emulate the way Kaeya treats him too much, just because you’re all buddy-buddy.

“Would you like to test it out then?”

The silence of the evening rings in your ears once again – the water flowing, the breeze sighing. But no matter how hard you try to tell yourself that you must’ve heard wrong, you don’t have enough alcohol in your system to make a convincing argument.

“What?” you ask dryly instead, subtly giving Diluc some leeway to change the topic.

“Hold my hand,” he tells you, and it sounds more imperative than anything else. “Don’t you want to see for yourself if I’m actually incapable of human contact?”

“Now it just sounds like you’re messing with me,” you grumble.

His mouth twitches into an amused smile for half a second before that resting bitch face settles back into place. “Are you going to do it or not?”

Now, you’ve held a great number of hands in your lifetime. Your parents’, your friends’, Master Cyrus from the Guild’s during your first promotion, and even Kaeya’s whenever the occasion calls for a drunken dance at the bar. Needless to say, you’re well-versed in the art of hand-holding.

But right now, with your fingers intertwined with Diluc’s, you feel as if someone pushed you inside Good Hunter’s outdoor stove with how hot your face feels. 

Out of all the reactions you could’ve gotten, biting the bullet is the last thing you imagined Diluc would do. He’s usually the type who just lets every bit of slander thrown at him slide – always choosing to be the bigger person without really meaning to. The man just doesn’t give a damn about what other people have to say. 

So why the hell is he holding your hand just to prove a point?

It doesn’t help that his fingers – though protected by the coarse material of his gloves – are unexpectedly warm. You have no idea why you didn’t anticipate that from a pyro user, but –

“See?” Diluc says coolly, red eyes staring out into the lake. “I can hold someone else’s hand.” 

“That wasn’t the point I was trying to make.”

He turns to you with a miffed look. “What, do you want to test if I know how to hug, too?” 

You could’ve used that chance to make the situation slip back into familiar territory. Diluc wasn’t much of a talker, so most of the conversations you had with him in the past consisted of you ranting about anything under the sun while he quietly listened to your plight. All you had to do was downplay…whatever this was and go back to talking nonsense like usual. 

And yet… 

“Fine.”

This time, you’re the one who initiates the contact – shifting your weight across the dock before pulling him into a wordless embrace. You feel Diluc stiffen, obviously unused to this degree of affection. But his strong arms eventually coil around your shoulders, and you feel your heart pick up the pace.

Two unsuspecting adults hugging by the shore of Cider Lake. Nothing is weird about this at all.

You half-expected him to pull away once he’s proved that he was most definitely not the emotionless excuse of a man everyone thinks he is. But you remain locked in Diluc’s embrace for more than two minutes, and you’re starting to become more and more aware of a lot of things. 

First is his hair. It feels somewhat…fluffy from where the skin of your arms comes into contact with it. Then comes the scent of his clothes. You catch the faintest scent of booze on the fabric, and it’s probably from all the hours he’s spent behind the bar. 

Last is…how firmly he’s holding on to you.

You would’ve boasted about how you got to hug Kaeya’s brother when the captain can’t even get in close proximity without getting an earful from Diluc. Affection has never been the staple between the two of them, it seems. All this time, you thought it was because Diluc is the kind of man who can’t freely give that out to just anyone. But when he heaves a deep, deep sigh and buries his face in the crook of your neck, you wonder how he managed to conceal this side of him for so long.

Is he actually harboring some problems deep down? He’s so mysterious and reserved that hardly anyone can tell if Diluc’s in a good mood or not. Still, despite not being entirely sure, you pat his back in soothing motions – hoping to give him some respite.

He probably needs this hug more than he let on.

It feels like lifetimes later, but the two of you manage to pull away eventually. When you do, though, Diluc is still too close for comfort. Close enough that you can clearly make out the curve of his lips – slightly parted as he sucks in a deep breath. 

You’ve always been aware of how handsome this man actually is, despite the fact that he shoots down every single person who tries to hit him up. But getting up close and personal like this gives you an even deeper understanding of why people are vying for Diluc’s attention in the first place.

“Do you want to test out one more thing?” you whisper, not quite sure where your courage is even coming from.

The moment the words leave your lips, you worry that the message won’t translate well. Would he even get what you’re trying to insinuate? If he does, would Diluc even agree to it? You’re a pretty laid-back person, but you don’t think your pride can take it if he flat out rejects you right then and there.

Though it seems like the gods are on your side when Diluc leans forward without uttering a single word – capturing your lips in a chaste kiss.

Your mind is blank for the entirety of it, given that it’s a bit difficult to process the fact that you’re kissing one of the most untouchable men in the city. There’s nothing special about the way Diluc kisses you right now. He just meshes your mouths together firmly together – no teeth, no tongue. But the feel of Diluc pressing you against him alone is enough to drive your body into a fever pitch.

When he pulls away, he rests his forehead against yours, shoulders heaving with bated breath.

“How was that?” he asks breathlessly.

At that point you don’t even think anymore. You lace your arms behind his head before diving in for another kiss – prying his lips apart with your tongue before threading your fingers through his hair. An animalistic noise rumbles low in his chest, making a full shiver skid across the length of your spine. Diluc holds your face with one hand, while his free arm coils around your waist in a near-possessive fashion. Once a shuddering moan slips past your lips, his grip tightens even more. 

You only disengage when you feel like your lungs are about to burst – so lightheaded that you’re momentarily entranced by the red of his eyes. A trail of saliva even connects your lips, and Diluc stares at you with such a heated look that  you hide your face in embarrassment.

That is not how people with no game kiss at all!

“Sorry,” he rasps, yet he sounds anything but apologetic. “I got carried away –”

“You think?” you laugh, palms gripping his shoulders as you muster the courage to look him in the eye again. “Remind me to never cross you like that again?”

To your surprise, Diluc doesn’t miss a beat. “Very well. Only if you let me do one more thing.”

“...What’s that?”

You barely stifle the yelp that escapes you as Diluc maneuvers you onto his lap – a continuous mantra of what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck ringing inside your head. He stares at you with a semi-amused look, and even if the kisses you shared made you all hot and bothered, you still have the decency to feel embarrassed.

“If you drop me, I’m not going to talk to you for a month,” you hiss.

Diluc breathes in a soft laugh, and you tense up as you feel him massaging the curve of your thighs through your skirt. You know you should probably stand up and just walk the hell away, but when he nuzzles your neck with his nose, you’re too weak to refuse him.

How did things end up like this? One moment, you were teasing him like usual, and now Diluc is having his way with you. His mouth slots so perfectly against yours – swallowing each sound that climbs up your throat before groping your ass. Even through his gloves, you can feel the heat of his fingers, making you unintentionally roll your hips as Diluc devours your lips.

You’re fully aware that, even if everyone else is celebrating Ludi Harpastum to its fullest, you can’t let him whisk your consciousness away. Some poor Favonius guard might spot you sprawled across the lap of none other than Diluc Ragnvindr himself, and both your reputations could be done for. But still, you find solace in the fact that some of the crates stacked nearby are enough to conceal this unlikely tryst from prying eyes.

Kaeya wouldn’t believe it if you told him. Rosaria would bet that you simply had a fever dream. But when Diluc trails his mouth across the cut of your jaw – teeth grazing your skin until he finds your skittering pulse – you surrender yourself to the reality that you might’ve bitten off more than you could chew.

He hasn’t even done anything yet, yet you’re already aching. Diluc leaves bright red marks along the column of your throat, and despite your constant heed for appearances, you let him do as he pleases. 

Something hot and hard prods your middle as you shift your weight. He takes a sharp breath, blood red eyes shining with lust and impatience alike. When you realize that you just got the most coveted man in Mondstadt to pop a boner, you can’t help the hint of smugness that paints your features.

However, your triumph is fleeting. Because even if both of you have long descended into a haze of debauchery, you’re still high-strung. The moment you hear a loud crash somewhere nearby, you violently jerk away from Diluc – failing to realize that there’s nothing behind you but a body of water. 

Despite himself, Diluc is taken by surprise by your knee-jerk reaction, too, and he can only watch in befuddlement as gravity hooks you in with a backward force. 

You’ve always wondered what swimming in Cider Lake feels like. A lot of kids dived into the nearer shores during summer, but the temperature tonight is absolutely not fit for a late night dip. Once you break through the surface, you gasp out loud – completely soaked as the wind mocks you with a soft but chilly breeze.

This is fine. You know how to swim. You’re just going to ignore a certain redheaded liquor tycoon for not being quick enough to catch you, but it’s all good.

Diluc doesn’t exactly feel the same way, though.

Faster than you can voice out your complaints, he kicks off his boots and dives into the lake – splashing water all over your already damp face.

Is this how the people he saves feel about his unsolicited help? Archons, the Dark Knight Hero can be so goddamn unaware –

“Are you alright?”

Diluc wraps his arms around your shoulders swimming closer to the shore until you find your footing again. Amidst his breathlessness, you find traces of concern in his voice. When you dare to look at him again, Diluc’s brows are creased together as he fusses over you, and you can hardly believe the two of you were just making out in the open two minutes ago.

He frowns when you let out the ugliest laugh. “What’s so funny?”

“I just feel like this is the culmination of my shitty week,” you admit with a sheepish smile, wringing out your hair as the heat he’d aroused from your body dissipates with the cold air. “But hey, at least I got to know you in...ways better than anyone else. How about we head back before one of the guards spots us, yeah?”

You thought Diluc was going to be reasonable and agree. It’s not like the two of you can just bring back the atmosphere you unintentionally shattered. Best case scenario, you’ll both walk away like nothing happened, and take this secret to the grave. 

But when you realize that his eyes are transfixed on your chest – blouse suddenly see-through from the splash – your face heats up several degrees higher. 

Gods, who needs dignity anyway?

Surprisingly, he doesn’t resist when you grab him by the collar of his equally wet dress shirt, meeting him in another sloppy kiss. It’s like nothing ever occurred to interrupt the both of you. Diluc snakes a strong arm around your frame, pressing you against his rigid body. When his gloved hand finds its way to your cheek, you nearly whimper. 

You’d be an idiot to let a chance like this slip away, right?

“On second thought…” you whisper against his lips – trembling with anticipation under his ravenous gaze.

“You’ve got a spare room back at Angel’s Share, don’t you?”

Slipping past the knights stationed at the north-east gate is a bit difficult when you and Diluc are soaked from head to toe. Even if his coat is draped across your shoulders, it’s not enough to hide the fact that you both definitely took a swim one way or another. It’s a good thing that younger ones who know about Diluc’s history with the Knights are smart enough to pretend they didn’t see as the two of you make your way back to the tavern. 

You have to admit, though, Diluc is very…impatient.

The man can’t last ten seconds without trying to feel you up – groping your tits, leaving small hickeys on your neck, and even sneaking a kiss or two. You would’ve laughed at how desperate he’s being with you right now, if only you weren’t as horny and pent-up as he is.

“Down, boy,” you breathe. “We’re almost there.”

Angel’s Share is already closed by the time you finally arrive, which must be at the birthday boy’s behest. Speaking of which, Diluc rummages around the pockets of his coat – the one you’re still wearing – cussing under his breath when he doesn’t immediately find the keys to the back. But when he manages to grant both of you entry, Diluc pulls you inside, shuts the door and slams you against the solid surface.

It shouldn’t feel so fucking good, how rough he’s being with you. Diluc tosses his coat to the side, practically ripping off the buttons of your blouse as he reclaims your lips. With the newfound privacy, you allow yourself to be a bit bolder – inching your thighs apart to accommodate the man in front of you. 

“For someone so celibate, you’re pretty pent-up, aren’t you?” 

He hums at your words, making you throw your head back with a moan as he massages your breasts. When Diluc laughs, you feel your chest flutter at the sound of it.

“You have no idea.”

The trip to the second floor takes longer than you’d otherwise like. Things would’ve progressed more swiftly if Diluc didn’t keep pressing you against every piece of furniture in the bar – leaving you with less and less clothing as you drew closer to the spare room. By the time you’re standing in front of it, you’re left with nothing but a flimsy bra and your soaked panties – something that Diluc obviously enjoys seeing. 

In the back of your mind, you wonder if he’s tried to ravage other women like this in the past. Did he strew their clothes around his own tavern, too? Did he exhibit the same, raw desire that he has for you now? 

You decide that it doesn’t matter in the end. After all, today is Diluc’s birthday. 

What kind of friend would you be if you didn’t give him a present he won’t forget?

When the bedroom door clicks shut, you’re quick to sink to your knees – taking Diluc by surprise as you fumble around with his belt. The erection straining against his wet trousers makes your mouth water, and despite his protests, you haul out his cock without a word. The length is impressive enough to have you squirming, and just imagining how his thick girth will spread you open makes you even more impatient.

But before that, you’d like to do a little something for him first.

“What are you – nghh!” 

Diluc tilts his head back when you take him into your mouth, lathering his length with saliva as you stare up at him the whole time. His face is flushed as he struggles to peel off his gloves, attempting to pull you off his cock, though the effort is weak.

Oh, what a sight to see: Diluc Ragnvindr’s stoic façade, torn asunder by a blowjob.

Though that’s as far as your teasing goes.

The moment you pry your lips off him for a breather, Diluc leans down to hoist you into his arms – an unnecessary display of strength, but one that sends a rush of heat straight to your cunt. He’s pissed. You can tell from the stiff set of his jaw, and how little heed he has for your comfort as he tosses you onto the bed.

You shoot him a scowl as he strips the rest of his clothing. “Hey, I wasn’t –”

“You’re starting to become more and more cocky, aren’t you?” Diluc shakes his head, freeing his damp hair from that flimsy tie as the red tresses fall across his shoulders. “I let you do as you please for a while, and suddenly you think you’re the one who’s calling the shots? Hmph.”

You’ve never heard him talk like this before – like some master chastising a disobedient pet. It doesn’t help that you’re given a generous view of his toned chest, marred with scars you’ll probably never know the stories behind. You want nothing more than to reach out and kiss every single one, but when you try to move, Diluc quickly pins your wrists against the bed – restricting your movement in more ways than one.

You’re stunned into silence as Diluc continues lecturing you. The words, however, are lost in the haze of your own arousal – nerves set alight as he trails his lips down your thigh. He teases you with these fleeting sensations until he’s up close and personal with your clothed cunt, red eyes boring deeply into yours.

“You need to stop provoking me if you don’t want to get burned.”

He allows you a moment of reprieve when he drags the fabric of your underwear off your legs – tossing it somewhere behind him as he marvels at the sight of your bare pussy. You’re wet and waiting for him, just like he wanted.

Diluc doesn’t waste any time, doing a few experimental licks across your slit as he quietly observes you. It fills him with a sick sense of pride when you have adorably sharp reactions each time his tongue makes a pass over your clit – fingers threading through his hair as you bite down a moan. 

He laps up your essence like a man starved before easing a finger into the tight ring of your cunt, and you sandwich his head between your thighs as he loosens you up. It’s hard to think about anything else apart from the skillful licks of Diluc’s tongue. When he teases your weeping entrance with the tip of his appendage, you let out an embarrassingly lewd sound.

You hear him chuckle. “See? Isn’t this better?”

When he manages to slide two fingers inside you, he curls the digits just so, making you keen his name as your toes curl with pleasure. Diluc is relentless; not giving you any space to breathe as he eats you out. He’s loosening you up real good, and you can only imagine what’s yet to come when he frays your overstimulated nerves.

That coil in your gut is wound up so tight, you fear like you’ll explode. As your heavy pants fill the room, you give your lover a few telltale signs that you’re close. The grip you have on his hair is more fervent, and you even roll your hips to meet his tongue. You feel like such a vixen, defiling Diluc’s face like this, but from the way he vigorously responds to your desperation, you’re fairly certain he just wants to get you off as much as you do.

Diluc teases the beginnings of your g-spot with each curl of his fingers, and every time he does, your eyes roll to the back of your head. How the fuck did he learn to eat pussy like that?!

But when you’re finally tethered across the edge of climax, he stops.

“Why…?” you half-sob, bemoaning the loss of his heat as Diluc untangles himself from your thighs. He smirks, lips still slick with your juices.

“Open,” he orders before leaning forward, prodding your lips with the fingers he’d buried inside your pussy not five seconds earlier. To his delight, you’re all-too willing to comply, tasting yourself on his skin as you lather your tongue around his thick digits. Diluc meets your wanton reaction with an amused sigh. He’s gotten quite lucky tonight.

“Good girl,” he whispers, and you feel your cunt throb at the praise.

He sinks into the mattress with you when he takes those fingers out of your mouth – replacing them with his lips as he meets you in another fervent kiss. A strong hand rests on the curve of your waist, possessively tugging you close to leave no inch of space between you. Despite the tangy aftertaste on his lips, you welcome him all the same.

When he slides his hard length between your thighs, you don’t even flinch – letting Diluc tease your folds with the head of his cock. With that little edging stint he pulled, you’re very much aching and desperate to have your pussy stuffed to the brim.

“Diluc,” you mewl, sighing against his lips. “Want you…inside.”

He growls, reaching behind you to finally unclasp your bra – the last piece of clothing you had. Diluc practically nuzzles his face into your breasts as he angles his hips, biting down hard once his cock breaches your entrance. A broken moan slips past your lips as you take every inch of him, and you nearly sob once he finally bottoms out.

His forehead rests against yours as he catches his breath, and you nearly lose it from the feel of his dick pulsating inside you. Everything feels so hot, it’s like you’ll melt from his touch alone.

“Not so celibate now, are we?” he says, and you would’ve laughed, if he wasn’t stretching your pussy so goddamn good. 

Diluc snaps his hips sharply, catching you off-guard before setting a steadier pace. His dick rubs against the velvet walls of your cunt as he leaves even more marks along the curve of your tits. He even presses one of your legs against your chest to introduce a better angle, and tears quite literally dot your lashes when the head of his cock brushes your cervix. 

He’s so big inside you, prying your pussy open with each drag of his length. Even if you want nothing more than to wrap your legs around his waist to bring him closer, Diluc is adamant about keeping you in place – both thighs pressed against your breasts as he pounds you into the mattress.

You’ve never had sex that felt as mind-shattering as Diluc’s. You didn’t even know it was possible to be this wet for someone. The lewd squelch of flesh ringing in your ears is a testament to that. Archons, if you knew Diluc could dick you down this good, you would’ve jumped him ages ago.

“Turn around. Hands and knees.”

It’s so pathetic, how you blindly follow him as if you’ve traded in your autonomy to be his cocksleeve. You whimper when you feel Diluc take out his dick, but silently comply with his orders – getting down on all fours on the bed as you stare at him in anticipation.

He breathes out a long-winded sigh, large, warm hands smoothing across the swell of your ass before hiking up your waist, making you shiver with delight. 

“Who would’ve known this body can take my dick so well?” Diluc chuckles, and you feel the head of his cock gliding along your slit once more. Obviously, the question is rhetorical, because before you can even slip in some underhanded remark, he’s already slipping himself back into your aching pussy – hitting you in places that have you struggling to prop yourself up.

“D-Diluc, I –” Your words are cut off by a moan as he forces you back down on the mattress – chest pressed against the bed as he continues to mount your ass. 

“So good for me,” he praises, fingers wound around the nape of your neck. “You’ve got such a lewd cunt. Did you always want me to claim you like this?” 

Of all the discoveries you’ve made tonight, the fact that Diluc is actually capable of talking so filthily might’ve made it on the top of your list. He whispered the words in your ear in such a tantalizing manner, you unintentionally clamp around his length – making him groan as each pass he makes in your cunt suddenly became tighter. 

“Yes,” you gasp when he makes a particularly deep thrust. “Yes, yes, please. Diluc, I-I want it.”

Diluc leans closer, taking the lobe of your ear between his teeth as he relentlessly moves his hips in time with yours. “What an honest girl. You deserve a little reward, don’t you think?”

Faster than you can blink, Diluc flips you onto your back once again – not giving you any time to breathe as he fills you up again. He wastes no time easing you into a mating press, and you can barely utter out the syllables of his name as he drives his length into you over, and over again. The heat in the pit of your stomach threatens to boil over, along with the goosebumps that erupt across your flesh. Closer, closer – you can almost taste it.

You end up coming with starbursts exploding behind your eyelids, and Diluc muffles the high-pitched keen of his name with a kiss. He rides out your orgasm – despite your spasming walls doing little in helping him keep it together. But when his own climax finally crests, he pulls out just in time, painting your breasts, your stomach, and your thighs with his white-hot release.

He marvels at the sight of you – blissed out with his cum staining your tits. Will the gods ever forgive him if this’ll be the same picture he thinks of during the lonelier nights he has out there?

Unless…

It takes you a while to anchor yourself back to reality and regain the feeling in your legs. You could’ve sworn you’d passed out for a moment, but the feeling of something soft being dabbed across your skin rouses your consciousness even just a bit.

That’s when you realize Diluc is wiping his own emission off your body.

“Can’t have you sleeping all gross like that,” he grumbles as he disposes of the cotton towel he got from gods-know-where in a basket sitting in the corner. “Unless you want me to prepare a bath for you?”

You smile at him sleepily, grabbing his face to give him a long, sweet kiss.

“Happy birthday,” you giggle. “I wouldn’t mind doing this again at all.”

Diluc tenses for a fraction of a second, but it completely goes over your head – still buzzed from the intensity of the orgasm he just gave you. As you tug him under the sheets, he figures that you might be too tired for a bath, and admittedly, he’s a bit drained too.

You get the feeling that Diluc is skirting around a question he wants to ask – red eyes darting with uncharacteristic uncertainty before shying away when you try to meet his gaze. You’re no body language expert, but you know a curious man when you see it.

“Got anything else to say to me?” you ask.

He swallows thickly, a slight redness dusting the high of his cheekbones. Yet another first for you – seeing Diluc Ragnvindr blush like a preteen.

“You were talking about wanting to go on expeditions instead of tending to boring commissions, weren’t you?” he starts, wrapping a muscular arm around your waist. You nod. “How about you come with me? I’m headed to Sumeru in a few days because there’s someone I need to track down.”

Now that definitely wakes you up. 

Seeing Diluc become a beast in the bedroom is one thing, but hearing him invite you to travel with him is another story. Sex and companionship are two very different things. You can have sex without completely trusting the person you’re with, but…constant companionship for his travels? He could’ve proposed to you and it would’ve meant the same thing!

That, or you just have such a skewed view of romance that you might be reading his offer wrong. 

“I-I’ll think about it,” you tell him instead – not wanting to make the situation awkward because of your own assumptions. “If I’m going with you, then I might have to file a pretty long vacation leave.”

He simpers. “Who said it’s for vacation? I’m commissioning you for your expertise as an adventurer, you know? Don’t sell yourself short.”

Well, now you’re not very sure if you should feel flattered or offended.

“Hey, wise guy, I can so go on adventures without the incentive of a reward.” You scowl. “You think I’m only in the Adventurer’s Guild for the money?” 

Diluc nods. “A week ago, you drunkenly proclaimed to the whole bar how much you loved the Guild because of the good pay. Even if your jobs are such a chore, you’ll let them exploit you as they please.”

…Note to self: stop spouting off nonsense when Diluc is there to remember every word.

“So you’re going to exploit me next?” you deflect with your pride all chinked up. It’s just so hard to get the last word with this guy!

“Well –”

Your quarreling is interrupted by the sound of the bedroom door groaning on its hinges. To your horror, the intruder comes in the form of two people. One is Kaeya, who’s drunk out of his wits as he shifts his weight onto his poor companion. Said companion just happens to be Rosaria, who gapes at the sight of you and Diluc both conspicuously naked under the sheets.

Oh, fuck.

Rosaria soundlessly moves her lips for a moment, like she can’t quite find the words until Kaeya mumbles something under his breath and leans against the doorframe. 

“Hey, how about you go sleep at my place tonight, big guy?” She pats his shoulder, keen eyes shying away from the spectacle in front of her. “Master Diluc might just castrate you if he finds out you’re crashing in his spare room again.”

Kaeya gives her a sleepy smile. “Oh? Trying to make a move on me, are you?”

“You know I’m allergic to penises, asshole. Come on.”

When she successfully hauls the oblivious cavalry captain out of the room, Rosaria flashes you a knowing smirk – mouthing the words: you owe me one before shutting the door behind her.

Then, the silence.

You don’t know if it’s proper to laugh, when two of your closest friends quite literally walked in on you in the midst of your pillow-talk (pillow-argument?) with Diluc. Even if only one of them was remotely aware of what was going on, that doesn’t make it any less embarrassing.

Diluc sighs, carding his fingers through his hair before padding over to the door to put the lock in place. When he returns to your side, he pulls you in a tight embrace that you can’t help but return.

“If you come with me, I promise…” he begins – and the husky undertone his voice takes on makes you shiver, “that the next time I get you mounted on my cock, it’s somewhere we won’t get interrupted by anyone else.”

When he peppers your neck with a trail of fiery kisses, you realize that Diluc Ragnvindr is playing with such unfair stakes. How the hell can you say no to that?

When the vigor in the both of you finally wanes, you doze off next to him in the afterglow. It feels comfortable, resting in the middle of Diluc’s strong embrace. The steady rise and fall of his chest is enough to lull you into slumber, and you find it somewhat amusing to know that this all started because of a harmless conversation at the docks.

Ludi Harpastum really is your favorite time of the year, after all.

★ MASTERLIST . AO3 ★

© cryoculus | kaientai ✧ all rights reserved. do not repost or translate my work on other platforms without permission.

[snowsilver2000]

Masterlist

Genshin Impact

🔞 = Contains Smut, suggestive themes

❗ = Contains triggering content

🧋 = Author's favorites

🌸 = Requests

✨ = Mini-fics

🧧 = AUs

[All contents listed/linked down below are also posted on my AO3]

Imagines/One-Shots:

• An Unfortunate Event (Zhongli x reader) 🧋 [Published on Jan 27, 2022]

Summary of "An Unfortunate Event": You and Zhongli were supposed to have a lovely date, but unfortunately, you ended up falling ill. The two of you end up taking shelter in a cave and Zhongli has to care for you while waiting for the rain to stop.

• Tragic Outcomes (Xiao x fem!reader) 🧋 [Published on February 25, 2022]

Summary of "Tragic Outcomes": You and Xiao are dating, but you don't see him as much as he sees Lumine and Aether. You invite Xiao to accompany you on your commission, but he rejects that offer. Things end up going downhill from there.

• Tragic Outcomes 2 (Xiao x fem!reader x Zhongli) [Published on March 26, 2022]

Summary of "Tragic Outcomes 2": Ever since the incident, Zhongli has offered to take care of you while you heal from your injuries. You had endless nightmares and night terrors that prevented you from sleeping. Just when you thought that your torment was over, it seems like someone didn't want it to end.

• Caught in The Crossfire (Kamisato Ayato x fem!reader) [Published on April 8, 2022] 🧋

Summary of "Caught in The Crossfire": You are engaged to the head of the Kamisato Clan, Kamisato Ayato. Despite the marriage being arranged, you harbored feelings for the young Yashio Commissioner and head of the Kamisato Clan. To you, it seems like Ayato wasn't interested in you at all, much to your dismay. As the head of the Kamisato Clan, Ayato has to deal with a lot of things. From documents to paperwork, to assassination attempts, it was like it was a typical Tuesday afternoon for him. But what if you, his fiancee, were to get caught in the crossfire?

• Tragic Outcomes 3 (Xiao x fem!reader x Zhongli) [Published on April 15, 2022]

Summary of "Tragic Outcomes 3": Ever since you and Xiao have made up, you didn't want to leave Zhongli behind. So, the three of you have decided to alternate between the days when you go to Wangshu Inn to be with Xiao and to Liyue Harbor to be with Zhongli. During the escort, you come to a realization that you didn't want to continue to alternate between two different places to be with Xiao and Zhongli. Xiao then reveals to you about him being constantly haunted by the sounds of your voice crying out to him and you came to a conclusion on how to stay with the two of them in the end. But it seems like something- or someone- is lurking in the corners, waiting to strike.

• Caught in The Crossfire 2 (Kamisato Ayato x fem!reader) [Published on May 28, 2022]

Summary of "Caught in The Crossfire 2": After you have been poisoned, you couldn't help but feel skeptical about the servant that works for the Kamisato estate. When voicing your concerns about the servent, Ayato brushes your concerns away. Only for it to inflict more harm on you.

• Tragic Outcomes 4 (Xiao x fem!reader x Zhongli) [Published on June 4, 2022/June 5, 2022] 🔞

Summary of "Tragic Outcomes 4": After deciding on living at Wangshu Inn with both Xiao and Zhongli, you didn't think much of how it would impact the relationship the three of you have with one another. Xiao and Zhongli agreed to train you in combat and help you improve your stamina in an interesting way. The day after your.... training... session with Xiao and Zhongli, Lumine finds the perfect time to strike, only for it to uncover something that you didn't even know about yourself.

• Outdated Traditions (Zhongli x fem!reader) [Published on August 7, 2022] 🧋, ❗

Summary of "Outdated Traditions": The life of a socialite was fun and exciting, but it wasn't the type of lifestyle you would see yourself in as you grew older. You ended up quitting the socialite life and have decided to work as an assistant for the funeral consultant of Wangsheng Funeral Parlor. Your wealthy parents end up breaking certain news to you, only to put you in a position that you cannot get out of.

• Sleepless Night in Mondstadt (Venti x reader) [Published on August 18, 2022] 🌸

Summary of "Sleepless Night in Mondstadt": You have trouble with falling asleep, so Venti finds the perfect solution to help you fall asleep.

• Praise the Anemo Archon, Barbatos! (Venti x fem!reader) [Published on September 3, 2022] 🌸, 🔞

Summary of "Praise the Anemo Archon, Barbatos!": You are the wife of the anemo archon, Lord Barbatos. You know him as Venti, Lord Barbatos, and your husband. After a steamy morning with your husband, you have decided to explore the City of Freedom and stop by the Cathedral that is dedicated to your husband. After coming across a very devoted follower of your husband, you and the sister butt heads over who is more devoted to the Anemo archon. To show your dedication to your husband, Lord Barbatos, you have decided to offer your body to the said archon.

• Tragic Outcomes 5 (Xiao x fem!reader x Zhongli) [Published on September 18, 2022]

Summary of "Tragic Outcomes 5": After finding out about being an adepti, you wanted to know more about your background and the people that have abandoned you. After Childe gives you information about your background, he tells you that there is another person that is after your head, feeding false information about you to Lumine to fuel her hatred towards you. You, Zhongli, and Xiao take a trip to Mt. Aocang to speak to Cloud Retainer regarding your parents after Childe gives you information about your background.

• Tragic Outcomes 6 (Xiao x fem!reader x Zhongli) [Published on April 23, 2023]

Summary of "Tragic Outcomes 6": It's Xiao's birthday! You and Zhongli plan on making almond tofu to celebrate Xiao's birthday. While you and Zhongli are waiting for Xiao to return, Xiao seems to be a little bit occupied with something on his end that's keeping him out late.

• Caught in the Crossfire 3 (Kamisato Ayato x fem!Reader) [Published on April 30, 2023]

Summary of Caught in the Crossfire 3: You and Ayato were having a tea and snack break when you started to feel strange. You end up falling "ill" (although you felt fine despite having to visit the bathroom to empty your stomach every time you eat), and Ayato calls a doctor to get you checked up to see what was the cause of your sudden sickness.

Series:

Not What You'd Expect [Various Genshin Men x Isekai'd!Reader] (One-shot series):

Summary of "Not What You'd Expect [Various Genshin Men x Isekai'd!Reader]": Who knew that getting Isekai'd into Genshin Impact would get you into many situations that you've never thought you'd get yourself into! Whether the situation is life-threatening or just one of those soft and fluffy moments, you don't think you'd want to leave the game any time soon! And it seems like they don't want you to leave any time soon either! So, you might as well enjoy your stay while you're at it!

• How to (Not) Play Windtrace (Various Genshin Men x Isekai'd!Reader) [Published on February 4, 2022] 🧋

Summary of "How to (Not) Play Windtrace": You’re playing Windtrace with the men of Genshin Impact and last time you checked, this is not how you play it.

• How to (Not) Play Windtrace 2 (Various Genshin Men x Isekai'd!Reader) [Published on February 11, 2022] 🧋, 🔞

Summary of "How to (Not) Play Windtrace Part 2": You are the prey in this round of Windtrace; only, it gets pretty heated when a certain hunter finds you. New faces show up when an argument sparked amongst the men after Kazuha, Thoma, and Gorou guide you away from the trouble.

• Valentine's Day Gone Wrong (Various Genshin Men x Isekai'd!Reader) [Published on February 17, 2022]

Summary of "Valentine's Day Gone Wrong" (Alternate Title: A Day About Love): You were supposed to celebrate Valentine's Day with the men, but unfortunately, it didn't turn out how you'd hoped it would.

• Crave (Various Genshin Men x Isekai'd!Reader, Zhongli x Isekai'd!Reader x Diluc) [Published on March 4, 2022] 🔞

Summary of "Crave": Your need for physical touch ends up putting you into a situation where you would never see yourself getting into up until now.

• Obsessed with You (Various Genshin Men x Isekai'd!Reader) [Published on March 12, 2022] 🧋

Summary of "Obsessed with You": All you wanted was the Rex Lapis jumbo-sized plushie, but did you know what else you got aside from the colossal Rex Lapis plushie? A stalker.

• Drinks of Teyvat (Various Genshin Men x Isekai'd!Reader) [Published on March 18, 2022]

Summary of "Drinks of Teyvat": You never thought that you'd have to deal with alcohol in Teyvat anytime soon until Venti, Kaeya, and Kazuha come back to the abode with loads of alcohol. You do a taste on these alcohols and it doesn't turn out so well. But hey, at least you didn't get drunk! That's a good thing, right?

• Constellations (Various Genshin Men x Isekai'd!Reader) [Published on April 2, 2022] 🧋

Summary of "Constellations": The men wanted to know what constellations are, but you were reluctant on what to tell them. Especially after they wanted to know which person had all of their constellations. Looks like you're going to have to break all of their hearts except for one person.

• Words that Should Have Been Left Unsaid (Various Genshin Men x Isekai'd!Reader) [Published on April 23, 2022]

Summary of "Words that Should Have Been Left Unsaid": Sometimes people say the meanest things in the heat of the moment. You’re hiding the fact that something is going on with you, but you didn’t want to worry the men. But because you were hiding something from them, it ticked off one person in particular and made him say something that should’ve been left unsaid.

• First Crush and First Love (Various Genshin Men x Isekai'd!Reader) [Published on April 30, 2022/May 1, 2022]

Summary of "First Crush and First Love": Everyone has a first crush and their first love! Whether it's a real person or a fictional character, the fifteen men (specifically Childe) are curious about who was the first one to have stolen your heart.

• Overprotective with a Hint of Jealousy (Various Genshin Men x Isekai'd!Reader) [Published on May 7, 2022]

Summary of "Overprotective with a Hint of Jealousy": You knew that the men are protective over you because many things happened to you while you were in Teyvat. Even though you knew they were all protective of you, you couldn't help but have an inkling feeling that a certain someone isn't as nearly as protective of you as they are with someone that no longer exists.

• Seal of Disapproval (Various Genshin Men x Isekai'd!Reader) [Published on May 14, 2022/May 15, 2022] 🧧

Summary of "Seal of Disapproval": An AU in which you have a boyfriend, but the fifteen men do not approve of him at all. In fact, they all hate him and want nothing to do with the man. If the men have a hard time accepting your relationship with another man, then why are you still with him and what's stopping you from breaking up with him?

• A Small Problem (Various Genshin Men x Isekai'd!Reader) [Published on May 21, 2022] 🧋

Summary of "A Small Problem": Albedo was coming up with a concoction that would strengthen the men during combat. But one little mix-up caused you to become a parent for a day.

• Crave 2 (Various Genshin Men x Isekai'd!Reader, Childe x Isekai'd!Reader, Foul Legacy x Isekai'd!Reader) [Published on June 11, 2022] 🔞, ❗

Summary of "Crave 2": You end up having an interesting dream about Childe's Foul Legacy form, causing you to feel guilty about it. You end up ignoring him for two days, only for Childe to confront you at the bathhouse as to why you were ignoring him. One thing led to another, you suddenly find Childe buried deep inside of you.

• Words that Should Have Been Left Unsaid 2 (Various Genshin Men x Isekai'd!Reader) [Published on June 18, 2022]

Summary of "Word that Should Have Been Left Unsaid 2": After struggling to wake you up from your slumber, the men have to figure out what is going on with you and what was causing you to be in a terrible state. While you have gained consciousness, it was hard for you to stay awake and you continued to have a thundering headache, and sometimes your nose, eyes, mouth, and ears will randomly bleed, causing you to lose consciousness. What was going on with you?

• Malewives Reporting for Duty (Various Genshin Men x Isekai'd!Reader) [Published on June 25, 2022/June 26, 2022] 🌸

Summary of "Malewives Reporting for Duty": You somehow mysteriously get sick despite feeling fine the day before. Since you're sick and can't care for yourself, the Genshin men step up and take care of you while you're ill. After the men have successfully nursed you back to being healthy, you repay them back by making them breakfast.

• Drunken Desires (Various Genshin Men x Isekai'd!Reader) [Published on July 2, 2022] 🌸

Summary of "Drunken Desires": You've consumed way more alcohol than you thought. You ended up getting drunk from drinking an entire bottle of wine, causing you to not remember certain men and the fact that you're not dating them. And you mistook the fifteen men for strangers whom you've cheated on your boyfriends with (spoiler, you didn't cheat on anyone, you're just drunk and confused as fuck)

• Blood, Cramps, and Mood Swings (Various Genshin Men x Isekai'd!Reader) [Published on July 9, 2022/July 10, 2022] 🌸

Summary of "Blood, Cramps, and Mood Swings": You suddenly have your period while in Teyvat after months of not having it. The men have to deal with your mood swings while you have to deal with the blood clots coming out of you, making you feel like a ketchup packet, the excruciating cramps, and jealousy.

• Crave 3 (Various Genshin Men x Isekai'd!Reader, Itto x Isekai'd!Reader, Xiao x Isekai'd!Reader) [Published on July 16, 2022/July 17, 2022] 🔞

Summary of "Crave 3": After Itto had carried you out of the bathhouse, it was now Itto's turn to show you what it's like to actually have sex (no offense to the other men). After Itto had wrecked your insides, and you struggled to walk, Xiao assists you to your room! A notebook catches Xiao's eyes and his curiosity got the best of him, only for him to find himself balls deep inside of you.

• Wolves in Sheep's Clothing (Various Genshin Men x Isekai'd!Reader) [Published on July 23, 2022]

Summary of "Wolves in Sheep's Clothing": The fifteen men were reluctant to let you go out to Teyvat with Aether and Heizou because not only are they protective over you, but they have separation anxiety (and so do you). After convincing the fifteen men to grant your, Aether, and Heizou's wishes, you three set foot to Teyvat to hang out! Only, you ended up getting separated from Heizou and Aether, leaving you all alone in Teyvat. While frantically searching for Heizou and Aether, you run into a group of people that pose a threat to your safety. At least, that's what your seventeen (yes, seventeen) boyfriends think.

• By the Seashore (Various Genshin Men x Isekai'd!Reader) [Published on July 30, 2022/July 31, 2022] 🌸, 🔞

Summary of "By the Seashore": The heatwave in Teyvat is making you and the twenty-one (yes, twenty-one) men suffer. In order to not suffer from the intense heatwave in Teyvat and the abode, the twenty-two of you decided to take a trip down to the seashore of Yaoguang Shaol and visit the heart-shaped island.

• Through the Kamera Lens | Obsessed with You 2 (Various Genshin Men x Isekai'd!Reader) [Published on August 13, 2022] 🧋, 🔞, ❗

Summary of "Through the Kamera Lens | Obsessed with You 2": Itto has gotten a new kamera from the Deputy of the Arataki Gang, Kuki Shinobu. He decides to take pictures with every chance he gets and has chosen you to be the model for his candid shots. At first, you didn't mind that it was Itto that was taking these pictures of you, but what if it wasn't just Itto that had been taking pictures of you while you were unaware of it? Random pictures of you start to appear in your bedroom, and soon, these pictures are accompanied by letters from your new secret admirer.

• A New Friend (Various Genshin Men x Isekai'd!Reader) [Published on August 20, 2022] 🌸, ❗

Summary of "A New Friend": You made a new friend, and you were so excited about it! But for some reason, your boyfriends don't approve of her (other than the four Harbingers), you beg for your boyfriends to give her a chance, but that ends up being your biggest mistake.

• The Soul Puppet (Various Genshin Men x Isekai'd!Reader) [Published on August 27, 2022/August 28, 2022] 🌸 , ❗️, 🧋

Summary of "The Soul Puppet": You and the men were spending time together at the Mid-Autumn Festival at Liyue Harbor when a merchant called you over to show off a necklace that might interest you. After seeing how much the necklace cost, you refused to buy it. The merchant demands that you take the necklace, and you reluctantly take it in the end. Who knew that things would go downhill from there that cost your life?

• Crave 4 (Various Genshin Men x Isekai'd!Reader, Kamisato Ayato x Isekai'd!Reader, Thoma x Isekai'd!Reader, Kamisato Ayato x Isekai'd!Reader x Thoma) [Published on September 10, 2022/September 11, 2022] 🔞

Summary of "Crave 4": Ayato and Thoma have decided to take you to the Kamisato Estate to show you what they do in their day-to-day lives! At first, the other men did not agree to let you stay at the Kamisato Estate for two or three days just to see what the two men do on a daily basis but soon gave in. Instead of learning what Ayato and Thoma do, you find yourself being stuffed with their cocks instead.

• Crash Landing in Teyvat (Various Genshin Men x Isekai'd!Reader, minor Lumine x Isekai'd!Reader) [Published on September 24. 2022]

Summary of "Crash Landing in Teyvat": You’re having the worst day ever. You failed your sociology exam, your laptop was ruined because your backpack was soaked due to the rain, your mother compared you to your cousin, and you lost a friend. Instead of working on your university assignments, you decided to take a nap instead. Only to wake up and find out that you’ve been Isekai’d into Genshin Impact.

• Mixed Signals (Various Genshin Men x Isekai'd!Reader) [Published on October 1, 2022/October 2, 2022]

Summary of "Mixed Signals": Why do pregnancy and menstrual cycles have the same symptoms? Not only does it cause anxiety, but it gives out mixed signals.

• Secrets and Doubts (Various Genshin Men x Isekai'd!Reader) [Published on October 9, 2022]

Summary of "Secrets and Doubts": You landed your first-ever job in Inazuma City! You wanted to keep it a secret away from the men for now because, well, you don’t know how they’d react if they knew what your job was. Because of your secrecy and strange behavior, your secrecy made the men suspicious of you.

• Secrets of the Akademiya (Various Genshin Men x Isekai'd!Reader) [Published on October 16, 2022] 🌸

Summary of "Secrets of the Akademiya": You applied to be a student at the Akademiya and were accepted! What you had in mind was to study and do well in school. What you didn't expect was to go on a field trip to the Mausoleum of King Deshret where everything goes downhill from there.

• In Loving Memory (Various Genshin Men x Isekai'd!Reader) [Published on October 23, 2022]

Summary of "In Loving Memory": While exploring Inazuma, Watasumi Island, and Stormterror's Lair with the men, you guys run into people with familiar faces.

• Eating for Two | Mixed Signals Alternate Ending (Various Genshin Men x Isekai'd!Reader) [Published on October 30, 2022] 🔞

Summary of "Eating for Two | Mixed Signals Alternate Ending": You are officially eating for two people! Even though you didn't think you'd become a parent, it happened (in this alternate ending), and people around you are pretty excited about your pregnancy and the birth of your child.

• Special Day (Various Genshin Men x Isekai'd!Reader) [Published on November 1, 2022] 🧋

Summary of "Special Day": It's a special day for you, and the men are determined to make you a birthday cake before the clock strikes midnight.

• Haus of Harbingers (Various Genshin Men x Isekai'd!Reader) [Published on November 6, 2022]

Summary of "Haus of Harbingers": You've always wanted to see the inside of the Harbingers' estate, and now you finally did! You never knew why the men didn't want you to go over there to visit other than because the estate belonged to the four Harbingers. Who knew that this would be the first and last time you visited the Haus of Harbingers.

• The Return of the Yakshas (Various Genshin Men x Isekai'd!Reader) [Published on November 13, 2022]

Summary of "The Return of the Yakshas": The four Yakshas are back, and they are going to make sure that you take a break from your studies. One wrong move from Bosacius makes Xiao wish that the Yakshas returned to their graves. Oh, and the men bond with each other at the Chasm! Lots of wholesomeness on that end.

• Into the Void (Various Genshin Men x Isekai'd!Reader) [Published on November 20, 2022] 🌸

Summary of "Into the Void": You never had a single thought about falling into the Abyss until it happened to you while you were in Sumeru trying to gather some Viparyas for your research. Who knew that you being a mortal, would be stripped from you so soon all because the Abyss needed a new ruler.

• Irresistible (Various Genshin Men x Isekai'd!Reader) [Published on November 27, 2022] 🧋

Summary of "Irresistible": You invite Kaveh to lunch at the abode with the men! While at the abode, Kaveh notices how the men crave for your attention and affection. You and Kaveh have a small (playful) argument. You two can't seem to resist each other, huh?

• Little Moments with You (Various Genshin Men x Isekai'd!Reader) [Published on December 4, 2022]

Summary for "Little Moments with You": You and the men cherish every moment with each other; while going on with your day after coming home from the Akademiya, the things that you do and say make a few men in the estate think about the little moments with you.

• Another Small Problem (Various Genshin Men x Isekai'd!Reader) [Published on December 11, 2022] 🌸

Summary of "Another Small Problem": After the first incident of your boyfriends turning into children (except for Zhongli and the newly added men to the harem), the men find themselves having to deal with another small problem that relates to the previous issue. You turning into a child.

• Keep Your Voice Down (Al Haitham x Isekai'd!Reader) [Published on December 15, 2022] 🔞, ✨

Summary of "Keep Your Voice Down": Al Haitham fucks you on the Grand Sage's desk at House of Daena. You tried your best to keep your voice down, but the feeling of Al Haitham hammering your insides with his fat cock makes it hard for you to keep your mouth shut.

• How to (Not) Play Windtrace 3 (Various Genshin Men x Isekai'd!Reader) [Published on December 18, 2022]

Summary of "How to (Not) Play Windtrace 3": You and the men are officially playing Windtrace again after a while! This time, new people are added to the game, and it makes the game more challenging! Or, at least, that's what you thought until someone found you a minute or two into the game. You all end up changing the venue of the game, and you end up meeting a "new face."

• Give 'Em a Show (Pierro x Isekai'd!Reader (x Capitano)) [Published on December 23, 2022] 🔞, ✨

Summary of "Give 'Em a Show": Pierro fucks you until your vision becomes white when you cum. You're put in a situation where your naked body is on display for others to see. Specifically when you're getting railed by the first Harbinger.

• Crave 5 (Various Genshin Men x Isekai'd!Reader, Albedo x Isekai'd!Reader) [Published on December 25, 2022] 🔞

Summary of "Crave 5": You and Albedo go to Dragonspine to conduct an experiment on whether plants from another region can survive Dragonspine's climate and soil. While conducting an experiment, you get really cold, and Albedo gives you a warming potion to drink that should keep you warm for the next few hours. Unfortunately, the potion isn't a warming potion. Instead, it's an unknown potion that contains an aphrodisiac.

• Golden Hour (Zhongli x isekai'd!Reader) [Published on December 31, 2022] 🔞, 🧋, ✨

Summary of "Golden Hour": It's Zhongli's birthday, and you take him out to Liyue Harbor to celebrate it! You wake up before the golden hour to bake him a cupcake for his birthday, and you get your guts rearranged by Zhongli during the golden hour while the sun is setting. What a way to celebrate the former Geo archon's birthday.

• Actions Have Consequences (Various Genshin men x Isekai'd!Reader) [Published on January 1, 2023] 🌸, ❗

Summary of "Actions Have Consequences": Lately, you have been pranking the men around the estate, and the men are getting tired of it. Yes, your pranks are harmless, but they're starting to get old. Instead of speaking to you about the pranks, like how Gorou suggested, Itto and Childe decide to prank you back with the cruelest joke that causes more harm than good. Who knew that actions have consequences?

• The Lonely God (Various Genshin Men x Isekai'd!Reader/Creator!Reader) [Published on January 8, 2023] 🧧

Summary of "The Lonely God": You're the creator of all things! Everyone in Teyvat worships you; even their ancestors worship you! You answer prayers and make miracles happen. But you know what's ironic, though? Despite you being worshipped by many, you couldn't help but feel lonely. You yearn for friendship and attempt to bond with the twenty-five men who are tasked to protect you while you're in Teyvat. Oh, and you're also not the best at expressing your feelings.

• The Copycat (Various Genshin Men x Isekai'd!Reader) [Published on January 15, 2023]

Summary of "The Copycat": You have a classmate who ends up being a close acquaintance of yours (you wouldn't really consider them as a friend). You two seem to get along just fine until you find out that they're trying to be just like you.

• A Star from Another Universe (Various Genshin Men x Isekai'd!Reader/Idol Reader) [Published on January 22, 2023] 🧧

Summary of "A Star from Another Universe": What if Alice found you when you first arrived in Teyvat? Alice nursed you back to health, and you stayed with her until you healed. One day, Alice goes up to you while you're babysitting Klee and asks you what your thoughts are on becoming an idol.

• Your Highness (Various Genshin Men x Isekai'd!Reader/Royal!Reader) [Published on January 29, 2023] 🧧

Summary of "Your Highness": Imagine your retainer (Heizou) waking you up from your slumber, telling you to get up and get ready for the day before high-profiled visitors arrive to the kingdom. Who are these high-profiled visitors, you may ask? Oh, they're the people your parents have chosen for you to get married to! Speaking of getting married, you're unaware of the arranged marriage situation until Heizou woke you up from your slumber. So, Your Highness, who are you going to pick to be your future husband?

• Drawn to You (Various Genshin Men x Isekai'd!Reader) [Published on February 5, 2023] 🧋

Summary of "Drawn to You": You are Lumine, Aether, and Paimon's new traveling companion! Your existence is unknown and the four of you have been journeying around Teyvat, searching for who you are. Unfortunately, there are no records of you existing in any regions of Teyvat. Lumine, Aether, and Paimon introduce you to many new people, who cannot help but be drawn to you.

• Failed Attempts (Various Genshin Men x Isekai'd!Reader) [Published on February 12, 2023]

Summary of "Failed Attempts": An AU in which you and the men aren't dating (yet). This is about the men and their failed attempts at flirting with you and getting some alone time with you away from the others.

• They Don't Deserve You (Various Genshin Men x Isekai'd!Reader) [Published on February 19, 2023] 🌸

Summary of "They Don't Deserve You": Before going to bed, you suffer a painful headache. Baizhu, Dottore, Albedo, and Tighnari couldn't pinpoint the issue. Right before falling asleep, the headache comes back and knocks you unconscious. You end up waking up back in your world, only you didn't wake up alone in your bedroom. The men have teleported into your world with you.

• Insecurities and Jealousy (Various Genshin Men x Isekai'd!Reader, Zhongli x Isekai'd!Reader) [Published on February 26, 2023] 🌸, 🧋, 🔞

Summary of "Insecurities and Jealousy": Your insecurity and jealousy get the best of you, causing you to overthink. You assumed Zhongli would leave you for someone else because she (Lumine) looks a tiny bit like Guizhong (according to Venti). The tension between you and Zhongli proceeds to grow, thus you demand that Zhongli prove that he cares about you when the twenty-four men leave your bedroom to give you and Zhongli some privacy to speak.

• Crave 6 (Various Genshin Men x Isekai'd!Reader, Dainsleif x Isekai'd!Reader x Kaeya) [Published on March 5, 2023] 🔞

Summary of "Crave 6": You're going adventuring to the ruins on your own! The men will accompany you on the first part of your exploration to get rid of the monsters that are roaming around and you'll continue your exploration after they eliminate the monsters. Just when you think you're in the ruins alone, two people make their appearance known after watching your little performance.

• Our Dear Creator (Various Genshin Men x Isekai'd!Reader/Creator!Reader) [Published on March 12, 2022] 🧧

Summary of "Our Dear Creator": The men are assigned to be at your side at all times and even though they are your most loyal followers, you consider them to be your friends and protectors. These men are not only devoted to you, but they will not hesitate to kill for you if they have to.

• Burning Desire (Various Genshin Men x Isekai'd!Reader) [Published on March 19, 2023] 🔞

Summary of "Burning Desire": You and the men are exploring the Chasm to search for the flower dubbed the Scent of Spring. A rare flower that is the last of its kind. While trying to pull the flower from the cracks in the wall, the flower sprays a strange powder all over you. When the flower sprays powder all over you, you end up inhaling a large amount of it.

• Suitors (Various Genshin Men x Isekai'd!Reader) [Published on March 26, 2023]

Summary of "Suitors": Many people in Teyvat knows about your relationship with twenty-five men. Though, they disregard it and continue to try to set you up with someone they know. What happens when one of your "suitors" ends up being wanted by the Fatui?

• The Men Who Worry a Lot (Various Genshin Men x Isekai'd!Reader) [Published on April 2, 2023]

Summary of "The Men Who Worry a Lot": Ever since you got pregnant, the men have been worrying about you and the baby. Your hunger skyrocketed, your hormones are all over the place, and your immune system is weaker and cannot fight off infections as much as it could before you were pregnant. You sometimes wander off alone when you’re out of the abode with the men. Can you really blame the men for worrying so much about you while you’re heavily pregnant?

• Burning Desire 2 [Scaramouche's Route] (Various Genshin Men x Isekai'd!Reader, Scaramouche x Isekai'd!Reader) [Published on April 9, 2023] 🔞

Summary of "Burning Desire 2 [Scaramouche's Route]": After inhaling a large amount of aphrodisiac, you’re now struggling to hold yourself together. You're burning with desire and desperate to extinguish the fiery pit in your stomach. Still, you're hesitant about having one of your boyfriends help you with your problem. Who knew that the first person to “help” you with your problem would only make it worse for you by teasing you and calling you names.

• At Arm's Length (Various Genshin Men x Isekai'd!Reader) [Published on April 16, 2023] 🧧

Summary of "At Arm's Length": After being forced into a marriage with the twenty-five men— technically, you agreed to it, so you weren't really forced into it, you couldn't help but yearn for a genuine connection with the men. You end up expressing your feelings about your marriage with your twenty-five husbands to Lumine, who is also your sister in law.

• Oh, Baby! (Various Genshin Men x Isekai'd!Reader) [Published on April 23, 2023] ✨

Summary of "Oh, Baby!": Congratulations! You and the men are officially a parent to a newborn son! You thought you were prepared to be a parent because of the parenting books you and the men bought during your pregnancy. But boy, you and the men weren't prepared for your child to be so clingy to you.

• Connection (Various Genshin Men x Isekai'd!Reader) [Published on April 23, 2023] ✨, 🧧

Summary of Connection: Imagine waking up, and twenty-five men are trying to convince you that you're their soulmate. Of course, you don't believe in such a thing because it sounds silly from how they're explaining. Until you made a slip-up.

• Beyond the Stars (Various Genshin Men x Isekai'd!Reader x Various HSR Men) [Published on May 7, 2023]

Summary of "Beyond the Stars": You were having a relaxing day at Yaoguang Shoal all alone, decompressing from the grueling week that is finals week at the Akademiya. Just when you thought you'll be able to relax and unwind, eight outlanders decided to ruin that all because they were searching for you.

• Seeking Solace (Various Genshin Men x Isekai'd!Reader) [Published on May 14, 2023]

Summary of "Seeking Solace": You're feeling sad and unmotivated. It's hard for you to get out of bed and go downstairs to eat. The twenty-five men comfort you and keep you company. Just when you thought it would happen for only a day, it dragged on to the next day.

• The Unexpected (Various Genshin Men x Isekai'd!Reader) [Published on May 21, 2023]

Summary of "The Unexpected": You never really think much about how long you'll be on Teyvat. You're not from the men's universe and everyone knows that. It's not possible for you to be gifted a vision from Celestia, or at least that's what you and the men assumed. Who knew that getting kidnapped overnight and disappearing without a trace ends up with you having a vision.

• Sick Days (Various Genshin Men x Isekai'd!Reader) [Published on May 28, 2023] ✨

Summary of "Sick Days": Eighteen out of twenty-five men are sick, and you (and the other seven men who aren't sick) try to take care of the sick men who have fallen ill. Just when you thought they were already needier, they're even needier when they're sick.

• Attached to the Hips (Various Genshin Men x Isekai'd!Reader) [Published on June 4, 2023]

Summary of "Attached to the Hips": You thought you were a clingy lover until these men came into your life. You and the men are attached to the hip, and they will follow you everywhere you go.

• A Guide on How to Study (Various Genshin Men x Isekai'd!Reader) [Published on June 11, 2023] ✨

Summary of "A Guide on How to Study": You have been studying for three final exams that are looming over you. You stayed up countless nights to study, but you're not retaining any information in your notes and study guides. Luckily for you, your twenty-five boyfriends have the perfect guide on how to study for your final exams.

• Just for You (Various Genshin Men x Isekai'd!Reader x Various HSR Men) [Published on June 18, 2023] ✨

Summary of "Just for You": Ever since the eight outlanders arrived to Teyvat, the men have been on edge. Your twenty-five boyfriends (mainly Childe and Al Haitham) show the eight outlanders that you belong to them. Things start to escalate, only to end with you sandwiched between Capitano and Blade.

• Burning Desire 3 [Tighnari's Route] (Various Genshin Men x Isekai'd!Reader) [Published on June 25, 2023] 🔞

Summary of Burning Desire 3 [Tighnari's Route]: After Scaramouche leaves your room, Tighnari offers to take care of you while you try to recover from your previous session with Scaramouche. While waiting for Tighnari to run you a bath, the burning pit in your stomach persists, leading to you attempting to relieve yourself from the desire. The aphrodisiac continues running in your system, making it nearly impossible to control yourself.

• Predator vs. Prey (Various Genshin Men x Isekai'd!Reader) [Published on July 2, 2023]

Summary of "Predator vs. Prey": You're put to the test on how well you can escape in case people are hunting you down. Your trial was going well in the beginning until you ran into the predators the men are training you to run away from.

• Lost and Found (Various Genshin Men x Isekai'd!Reader, Neuvillette x Isekai'd!Reader x Wriothesley) [Published on July 8, 2023] ✨

Summary of "Lost and Found": You and your boyfriends end up getting separated in the City of Justice, causing you to scramble all over the city searching for them, only to no avail. Two handsome and well-dressed men from Fontaine offer to help you search for your significant others.

• The Soul Puppet 2 (Various Genshin Men x Isekai'd!Reader) [Published on July 9, 2023]

Summary of "The Soul Puppet 2": After the incident with the two ancient gods possessing your body and using you as a vessel, you were left to battle for your life as you're hanging by a thread. The Adeptis soon infuse you with Adeptal energy to save your life, only for it to go downhill from there.

• Crave 7 (Various Genshin Men x Isekai'd!Reader, Scaramouche x Isekai'd!Reader) [Published on July 16, 2023] 🔞

Summary of "Crave 7": You and Scaramouche go to Inazuma City together! Even though Scaramouche is (reluctantly) accompanying you to the City of Eternity, you can't help but feel like you're forcing him to go with you. The next thing you know, you and Scaramouche booked a motel room overnight because of a sudden weather change. 

- HONKAI STAR RAIL: -

Brightest Star in the Universe [Various Honkai Star Rail Men x Isekai'd!reader] (One-shot series):

Summary of "Brightest Star in the Universe [Various Honkai Star Rail Men x Isekai'd!Reader]: You were thrust into the world of Honkai Star Rail without warning and any recollection of your memory. Blade and Kafka refer to you as the fallen star. You don't know what it means, and you think it sounds ridiculous. After meeting the men from the Honkai Star Rail universe, these men can't help but feel drawn to you. As if there's this invisible line that's pulling them closer to you. Just when you thought your stay in the Honkai Star Rail universe couldn't get any weirder, the universe keeps proving you wrong.

• The Fallen Star (Various Honkai Star Rail Men x Isekai'd!reader) [Published on May 28, 2023] 🧋

Summary of "The Fallen Star": You wake up in a void and see someone towering over you. He's breathtaking and covers the sun and sky. One minute you are talking to him, but then you gain consciousness. You wake up to a silver-haired man giving you (failed) CPR, only to find yourself on the Xianzhou Luofu with four other people who soon later become your (temporary?) traveling companions.

• Written in the Stars (Various Honkai Star Rail Men x Isekai'd!Reader) [Published on June 4, 2023]

Summary of "Written in the Stars": Your existence in the world of Honkai Star Rail continues to be a mystery, but General Jing Yuan thinks he can help you regain your memory and find out your origins. Who knew that your chances of meeting them was written in the stars.

• Pictures of a Shining Star (Various Honkai Star Rail Men x Isekai'd!Reader) [Published on June 11, 2023]

Summary of "Pictures of a Shining Star": Nanook's sudden disappearance has left you feeling sad. To cheer you up, and without your knowledge, Mr. Yang, Dan Heng, Caelus, March, and Himeko decided to get you a phone! March appoints herself as your unofficial official photographer and decides to take pictures of the littlest things for you and sends them your (and the men's) way.

• Yanqing's Babysitting Service (Various Honkai Star Rail Men x Isekai'd!Reader) [Published on June 18, 2023] ✨

Summary of "Yanqing's Babysitting Service": Your traveling companions have matters to deal with at the Xianzhou Luofu. General Jing Yuan assigns Yanqing, his retainer, to be your babysitter for the day! You and Yanqing were supposed to search for puzzles to complete on the Xianzhou Luofu while the others are occupied, but instead, you two go to Boulder Town.

• Feelings (Various Honkai Star Rail Men x Isekai'd!Reader) [Published on June 25, 2023] 🔞

Summary of "Feelings": You have a dream about having the steamiest makeout session with the Aeon of Destruction. Your dreams about Nanook and your interaction with the nine men make you question your feelings for the men. Not only were you the one questioning how you felt toward the nine men, but they began to question it as well. Yes, they have feelings for you, but how much longer can these men bury their feelings for you?

• Prisoner of the Mind (Various Honkai Star Rail Men x Isekai'd!Reader) [Published on July 2, 2023] 🧋

Summary of "Prisoner of the Mind": You couldn't join March, Mr. Yang, Dan Heng, and Caelus on their trip to Jarilo-VI after Gepard and Sampo informed them of an issue in Belobog. The Astral Express is under attack, putting you and Pom-Pom in a dangerous situation, leading to you sacrificing yourself to save the train's conductor. Needless to say, the Aeon of Destruction was not too pleased about it.

• The Star that Enchants (Various Honkai Star Rail Men x Isekai'd!Reader) [Published on July 9, 2023]

Summary of "The Star that Enchants": Ever since Nanook decided to tag along on your journey across the stars, the men have been tensed around the Aeon of Destruction. Nanook notices the men have taken an interest in you and have decided to test their patience and show them who you belong to. Can they blame you? It's not your fault you unknowingly enchant people easily.

• Double Whammy (Various Honkai Star Rail Men x Isekai'd!Reader) [Published on July 16, 2023]

Summary of "Double Whammy": You wake up one day feeling unwell. You discover you have started your period, and not only are you menstruating, but you also have a fever. You're sick, you're menstruating, and you have awful cramps. It's a double whammy you didn't think you would have to deal with in the men's universe, but alas, Lady Luck is not on your side.

Minis:

Minis are from asks that contain a mini-story (kind of)!

• The men sharing baths and the reader walks in: [here] 🧋

• Reader asking Dainsleif and Ayato if they could sleep in Ayato and Dainsleif's room because they can't sleep during a storm: [here]

• The Genshin men having to deal with Isekai'd!Reader being on their period (Isekai'd!reader leans towards fem/afab!reader): [here] 🧋, 🔞

• Reader has poor eyesight and has been hiding the fact that they cannot see without glasses from the Genshin men: [here]

• Reader is rich and spends a crap ton of money without batting an eye: [here]

• The Genshin men trading photos of you with each other as a way to bond with one another: [here]

[snowsilver2000]

• SUMMARY •

About me:

You can call me Mari / 22 / AroAce / She/Her / INFJ / 5w6

Generalities:

Anonlist

It would be nice if you read this

My masterlists:

♡ GENSHIN IMPACT ♡

Masterlist Genshin Impact 1

Masterlist Genshin Impact 2

"Voicelines about you" series:

Part 1; Part 2; Part 3; Part 4

Events I've done:

"Themed Phrases" NSFW Game

NSFW Alphabet

Fluff Alphabet

Smut prompts (NSFW game)

1 character, 1 kink (NSFW game)

1 character, 1 kink (NSFW game, pt. 2)

August NSFW Headcanons Collection

Posts with many characters:

University Life (SFW Headcanons)

Fluff headcanons

NSFW Drabbles

♡ LEAGUE OF LEGENDS ♡

Masterlist League of Legends and Arcane

♡ DEAD BY DAYLIGHT ♡

Danny Johnson (Ghost Face)

"No other choice"

"Long to devour you"

Frank Morrison (The Legion)

"Longing"

[snowsilver2000]

ᡣ𐭩 JUDGMENT BY THE HOUNDS

FEATURING: dazai osamu

SUMMARY: dazai has an encounter with someone who is supposed to be dead, and now he's somehow left in an even worse position than he was before—and he didn't even know that was possible. if there's one thing that's always rung true in his life, it's that things can always get worse.

AUTHOR'S NOTES: SORRY GUYS IM SO LATE BUT I HAD AN INTERACTION WITH MY FAV COSPLAYER THAT HAD ME SO FLUSTERED I FORGOT I WAS POSTING TONIGHT LOLLLLLLL. anyway!!! enjoy the chapter, the first scene was genuinely one of my all time favs to write!!! i'm going to be responding to comments from the last chapter, last week's one shot, and this chapter this weekend! so sorry its taken me so long to respond wahhhh. also i didn’t research the whole mayoral system in japan LOL so i based removal process mostly on US mayoral removal process. reblogs and comments always appreciated!!

GENERAL WARNINGS: fem!reader, port mafia boss!reader, civilian!dazai, ptsd, mentions of past war crimes, mentions of alcoholism, temporary amnesia, dazai is mentally unstable, so is reader, both of them are struggling LOL, grieving (reader), a bit of suicide ideation (that's a given from dazai, a little bit from reader too tho), as always: reader is part of the mafia, expect mafia behavior from her, she is not a good person.

SEE: THE LAND IS INHOSPITABLE (BUT ARE WE?) SERIES MASTERLIST

What the fuck?

Dazai stares at a dead man. 

A living man? 

A living man who should be dead. 

Mori Ougai is very much alive, although Dazai is struggling to comprehend it. His lips part to say something, but he can only blink and shake his head. He’s too confused to even be angry at the sight of the man who ruined everything for him. The silence stretches too long, and Dazai knows he should be the first one to speak. He needs to demand an answer before Mori can get in the first blow.

“What are you doing here?” Dazai finally demands. “How the fuck are you alive?”

Mori clicks his tongue mockingly. “Language, Shuji-kun,” he chides. “There are children around.”

Dazai blanches. He’s not sure if he’s more disgusted by the use of his birth name or shocked by the implications of Mori speaking it. Does Mori remember him? How is that possible? How is he alive? Dazai’s mind spins as he grasps for answers, but he doesn’t even know where to start. You killed Mori, but somehow he’s standing right in front of Dazai, so that means you didn’t kill him, obviously, and if he’s aware of Dazai, then you didn’t even wipe his memories? So then what was the point of pretending to kill him? What was the point of the coup? What was the point of wiping your memories of him? Of erasing him from everyone’s minds? 

Dazai suddenly feels nauseous. He’s not sure if he’s sick with anger, frustration, or insecurity. Maybe all three. Anger at you for lying to him, frustration at never understanding the whole situation no matter how hard he tries to, insecurity because does this mean you erased him from your life for no reason other than wanting him gone?

Not to protect him, but because you were sick of him.

No, Dazai thinks, trying not to let his throat swell with hurt. No, he’s misunderstanding something.

Do you even know that Mori is alive?

Mori sighs dramatically. “You were indeed the last person I expected to find me here, Shuji-kun. How unfortunate. Come, boy. I may as well make use of you.”

Dazai doesn’t move when Mori leaves and disappears down the left corridor. He doesn’t know if he should follow him at all, and the only reason why he’s considering it is because he desperately wants—needs—answers. 

There’s no way that you know Mori is alive. You can’t, Dazai knows you. You weren’t faking the grief you felt. You think Mori is dead, which means… did someone in your inner circle betray you? The memory manipulator—Repin—he had to have played a part in the betrayal. Who else? Tolstoy? Dazai knows you trust Tolstoy with your life, and he also knows you gave Tolstoy a seat at the executive table. And Chuuya? Chuuya is the only one who retained any memories of Dazai. Does he also know about this?

Dazai has no desire to follow Mori, but if there’s a rat in your inner circle working against you…

He finds himself moving up the stairs before he can stop himself, dread pooling in his stomach. At the top of the stairs, the corridor splits into two. Mori had gone left, but Dazai hesitates, looking down it carefully before finally exhaling, feet dragging against the carpet as he makes his way to where Mori disappeared.

This is a bad idea, he thinks, swallowing thickly. The last time Dazai saw Mori, he was trying to convince you to kill him. For all he knows, he’s about to finish what you couldn’t, but he’s not… scared. Not even nervous. He realizes that he’s angry.

Sure, he’s resentful because of everything that happened to him because of Mori, but his anger is new. Dazai is angry that Mori has been hiding out here for months, letting you grieve him, making you mourn him, leading you to believe that you killed him. That your father’s blood is on your hands. Sure, Dazai wasn’t innocent in everything that led up to the shit show that took place seven months ago—he made dumb decisions, and those dumb decisions ended up backfiring on you, but it was Mori who betrayed you by kidnapping him and forcing you to choose.

When he enters the room at the end of the corridor, Mori is standing behind the desk, hands behind his desk and an amused expression on his face. Even standing in a rickety office, dressed in a casual button-up, without the long black coat and the burgundy scarf draped around his neck, he still looks ever the mafia boss he used to be. Dazai was confused and intimidated the last time he was on the opposite side of a desk from him—not this time.

“You’re thinking very hard, Shuji-kun,” Mori says with a too-pleasant smile. “I can practically hear the gears grinding from here. How exhausting that must be for you.”

That name again, Dazai thinks bitterly, biting his tongue to stop himself from snapping at Mori, which is clearly what the man wants from the way he watches Dazai expectantly. Not now, he’ll just have to deal with the name, because he needs answers before anything else.

“You let her think you’re dead,” Dazai says flatly instead of rising to the bait. “She’s a mess. She’s mourning you. She thinks she killed you. And you just—”

To his credit, Mori does look ashamed for a moment. He looks away, inhaling deeply; he seems to be collecting his thoughts, a grimace spreading across his face before it smooths back out. He raises his eyebrows at Dazai mockingly, but his lips are too taut at the corners to fully embrace the haughtiness. 

“Shuji-kun,” he says with faux-sympathy. “You must know by now what this line of business is like. You—”

“No,” Dazai cuts him off immediately. “No, you don’t get to say that. Have you even bothered to see what you’ve done to her? Do you even care—”

The words come out way more resentful than Dazai intends for them to. 

Resentful, and maybe a little envious, because Mori gets to be mourned by you, whereas Dazai was just wiped from your memory, completely forgotten. How is any of this fair? The bastard that ruined everything gets to live after everything he did, he gets to be mourned, and Dazai is just… he’s nothing. 

“Watch yourself, Shuji-kun,” Mori says, voice low and threatening, silencing Dazai, who doesn’t expect the abrupt change in demeanor from the collected man. “You don’t know anything about my relationship with her. This was a necessary sacrifice. Anyway, I wouldn’t go throwing stones in glass houses. Don’t forget who it was that set the events of seven months ago in motion.”

Dazai scoffs. “I didn’t set anything in motion,” he says, raising his chin. “I had no idea who I was. You put everything in motion when you decided I was some sort of threat to the Mafia.”

Mori gives Dazai yet another mocking smile—this one pisses Dazai off more than the last, because it’s too complacent. Amused. Like he’s dealing with an unruly child, and it’s endearing watching him protest the way he is. The second time in less than twenty-four hours that someone has looked at him like this.

“Shuji-kun, you were a threat to the Mafia whether you were aware of your identity or not,” Mori hums, tilting his head to the side. “I’ve been preparing her to take over after me for fifteen years, and the moment you came into the picture, she threw all of the lessons I taught her away. She hardly knew you for two weeks, and she started a war with one of the biggest Yakuza syndicates in Japan for you. She put everything we built at risk for a boy she barely knew. You have been a threat since the moment you met her.”

Dazai’s jaw tightens at the accusation. He says tightly, “I made her happy.”

“You did,” Mori agrees to his surprise, “and it would’ve gotten her killed.”

“You don’t know that,” Dazai replies. “You—”

“I do,” Mori interrupts. “The only things guaranteed in our line of work is death. One way or another, something would have happened to you, and it would have killed her. Just like it almost killed her four years ago when her partner died.”

“Just like it’s killing her now?” Dazai asks snidely, relishing in the way Mori falters. “Anyway, what right do you have to talk about him? You were the one who got him killed, weren’t you?”

“Is that what she thinks?” Mori asks after a moment, an odd expression on his face as he looks down at his desk. Dazai’s brows furrow, scrutinizing Mori’s expression as he tries to figure out if the man is being genuine. “I had nothing to do with Itou Asahi’s death, but I made sure when it happened that we didn’t come out empty-handed.”

The truth?

Dazai presses his lips together as he tries to comprehend the implications of what Mori said. You’re certain that Mori played a hand in Itou’s death, going as far as to blame yourself for it because you were the one to tell Mori about Itou’s wishes for you. If Mori wasn’t involved, and you’re certain someone was, then who was it?

“No? He didn’t distract her like I did?” Dazai asks coolly. “You didn’t think she would be better off if he were gone? Maybe cut a deal with the government to make it happen?”

“Let’s make one thing clear,” Mori replies, matching his tone. “If I wanted Itou Asahi dead, she never would have been suspicious of my involvement.”

Dazai wonders if that’s meant to be some sort of threat, but he doesn’t budge, raising his chin when Mori levels a challenging stare at him. After what feels like an eternity, Mori lets out an exhausting sigh.

“I did not have anything to do with that boy’s death,” he repeats. “He was… stabilizing for her. I considered it, yes, but came to the realization that his death would do more harm than good.”

Dazai rolls his eyes hard. “How compassionate of you,” he says, voice dripping with sarcasm. 

Mori hums like he doesn’t catch the sarcasm. “Elise is dear to me,” he murmurs more to himself than to Dazai, “but I raised that girl. Do you know how I found her, Shuji-kun?” 

Mori lifts his head to look at Dazai, an oddly serious expression on his face. Dazai suddenly feels unsure. He vaguely knows of your past with him. He knows Mori saved you during the Great War, pulled you out of a warzone when your village had been massacred, but he has a feeling he’s about to hear more than he bargained for.

“She lived on the mainland, where the heart of the Great War was until Tokoyami Island appeared,” Mori continues when Dazai doesn’t respond. “There were seven different factions with encampments in the mountain range her village was in. The Japanese military was one of them.”

“Your regiment,” Dazai says.

“How astute,” Mori replies dryly. “It was before I was promoted to head physician for the infantry corps. Her village went mostly under the radar; it was underneath the trees in a valley. They got lucky, but luck always runs out. The commander of my regiment was the first to see the smoke—we went to check it out. We smelled the rot of corpses before we were even in sight of the village. They must’ve been dead for days before we got there.”

Dazai swallows thickly, shoving his hands in his pockets as Mori looks down at something on his desk. He can’t see what it is from where he’s standing, but it looks like a picture frame. 

“The village was small compared to most, but you’d be surprised how many people five hundred is when all of the corpses are piled together before your eyes,” Mori says quietly, frowning to himself. Dazai knew this much—he knew your village was massacred, but bile still rises in his throat. “Do you know where I found her?” 

“The center,” Dazai says after a few moments, recalling what you told him, voice too hoarse for his liking. He tries to subtly clear his throat, but he doesn’t think Mori even noticed.

“The bottom,” Mori corrects.

“What?” he breathes out.

“The bottom,” Mori replies. “Our commander ordered us to bury all of the bodies instead of leaving them to rot without proper burial. He was more sentimental than most—otherwise, they would’ve just been burned. It took hours to get to the bottom of the pile, but we did. She was stuffed at the bottom—wasn’t moving, I could hardly tell she was breathing. I didn’t realize she was alive until she blinked when I tried to pick her up.”

Dazai tries to imagine it. He tries to imagine you at the bottom of a pile of corpses. He tries to imagine what Mori had seen back then. You would have been so small. Seven years old, eight max. Small and brittle at the bottom of a mountain of corpses. He can almost see it—your tiny frame wedged between broken limbs, crushed beneath bodies that had once been your neighbors, your friends, maybe even your family. Sheer luck is the only reason you survived; you should have suffocated, but maybe there was a small pocket of air. He tries to imagine the way the stench would have clogged your throat every time you tried to breathe—the way the flies and maggots must have already started their work.

He doesn’t realize he gags until his hand flies to his mouth to hold back the bile that threatens to expel from his mouth.

“She didn’t cry,” Mori says softly. “Didn’t scream. Didn’t even flinch when I grabbed her and pulled her out of there. She didn’t speak for a month. Didn’t acknowledge anyone’s presence for weeks. Our commander wanted me to send her back to Japan—‘the warfront was no place for a child,’ he said, but she never would’ve survived on her own back in the real world, not after what happened to her. So I kept her with me. I carried her through the mountain ranges on my back. Had to spoon-feed her to force her to eat. She couldn’t sleep unless I was there with her. She couldn’t handle being in closed spaces or underneath the ground.”

Dazai’s fingers are shaking. He’s glad he stuffed his hands in his pockets. 

“Most children, they wail until their throats bleed when they have nightmares. She never made a sound, but I would be startled awake by the shaking. She trembled so badly that I thought she would rattle her bones apart,” he murmurs to himself, shaking his head. “All this to say, I have made very questionable decisions in my life, but I have never made one that I thought would harm her more than it would help. I don’t care for much, Shuji-kun. I wish to see Yokohama thrive, safe from foreign and domestic threats. I wish to see the Port Mafia on the top of the world’s criminal underworld. And I wish to see her…”

He trails off, brows furrowing as a contemplative expression crosses his face. For once, there’s no sharpness to his voice. No calculated edge. He sounds… tired, almost.

“Alive,” he finally finishes, gaze fixed somewhere beyond Dazai. “I wish to see her alive. She functions much like a robot. She follows orders better than any soldier and will complete any task given to her no matter what the cost. But she doesn’t live. She doesn’t think for herself, no matter how much I try to push her in that direction. I’ve tried countless times to get her to—I’ve tried guiding her in that direction, I’ve tried placing her in competition with other proteges of mine, I’ve threatened her, I’ve praised her, I’ve been gentle and harsh. I’ve tried so hard that she became resentful toward me for it, but nothing gets her out of the shell she’s locked herself in. I let things go on between the two of you as long as I did, because I thought it might be the push she needed.”

“Wasn’t it?” Dazai asks, throat tightening as he forces himself to speak. “I would say faking my death and the coup were ‘against your orders.’”

“But at what cost?” Mori questions, tilting his head to the side. “I want her living, Shuji-kun, but not at the cost of her life. You were becoming more harm than help. You were putting her and the Port Mafia in danger. So you needed to be removed from the equation.”

Dazai’s eyes immediately narrow at the phrasing. Removed from the equation—that could be another way of saying killed, but it was oddly vague. Too vague. Mori’s lips curl into a knowing smile, and a pit forms in Dazai’s stomach.

“You never expected her to kill me,” he realizes quietly. “This was all your plan from the beginning.”

“Death, erased, what really is the difference? You’re out of the picture, aren’t you?” Mori says with a too-easy smile. Rage eats at Dazai’s heart, his bones, his soul, but he pushes it away. He still needs more answers. “Everything has gone exactly how I wanted it to.”

“Why?” Dazai asks tightly. “Why? How could this possibly help her more than it hurts? Have you seen her lately?”

Mori hums, fingers thrumming against his desk as he tilts his head to the side as if considering his words. “What do you know about Leo Tolstoy?”

There it is. Confirmation that Tolstoy is part of whatever this scheme is. Dazai’s gaze sharpens onto Mori, who is still giving him an inquisitive look.

“He’s one of her closest confidants,” Dazai says dryly, “and maybe a traitor.”

“Please,” Mori scoffs. “That man would rather die than betray her.”

“And yet, he’s plotting with you,” Dazai accuses.

“More help than harm,” Mori sings like the answer is obvious, smiling mysteriously. “Do you know what Tolstoy’s ability is, Shuji-kun?”

Dazai doesn’t like admitting not knowing things, so he just stays silent, which Mori rightfully takes as an answer.

“It is called War and Peace. It’s a type of… precognitive ability. Tolstoy can pick any conceptual desire, and his ability will provide him with the series of steps required to attain that desire. It gives him multiple paths, some more likely than others to turn out victorious,” Mori explains. 

Dazai frowns. “How does that work? How does he ever lose anything then? How did the Three Deaths essentially become a branch of the Port Mafia?”

“Originally, I was going to send Chuuya-kun to Russia when the Three Deaths started getting… froggy at our borders. I thought our most powerful ability user would be enough to deter the Three Deaths from fighting back, but to my surprise, they continued militarizing even when we ensured intel reached them that Chuuya-kun would be the one to handle them. The ability gives Tolstoy paths to victory, but it doesn’t necessarily mean they will be successful in implementing those plans, whether they don’t have the strength, the means, or simply make a mistake.”

“So Chuuya went there and kicked their ass?” Dazai asks dryly. “How riveting.”

“Actually, no,” Mori corrects with a smile. “Our lovely hime asked to be the one sent instead of Chuuya-kun. I was against the idea, but she insisted. Imagine my surprise when she arrived and Tolstoy immediately had his men stand down. Six paths to victory against Chuuya-kun turned to zero against her. Force might win battles, but persuasion wins wars. Chuuya-kun might’ve won in combat against the Three Deaths, but they would never stop fighting and undermining us. It was her who ensured that.”

Dazai somehow isn’t surprised by that. He heard what you did to Professor Ui and how you handled Francis Fitzgerald. Dazai thinks that of all the abilities he’s seen—even Chuuya’s and Arahabaki—yours still has the potential for the most destruction. Because you can’t see the destruction yours causes, it’s the silent, invisible destroyer. You can toy with people’s emotions without them realizing it, weaving your intentions into theirs with the quiet ease of a shadow.

It’s not like anything he’s ever witnessed before. With Chuuya, there’s a clear form of attack. With Akutagawa and Atsushi, there’s a clear form of attack. But you… It’s the subtlety—you slip beneath the surface, like water carving through stone, changing everything in a way that’s too quiet to track until it’s already too late. It’s invisible and insidious; it doesn’t need brute force, it doesn’t even need presence. Just a few words and an emotion, and they’re halfway to whatever you want them to be.

“What does that have to do with why you did this?” Dazai asks, changing the subject. “Why you faked your death?” 

Mori studies Dazai for a moment. “Who do you think the real enemy is, Shuji-kun?” 

“I have a feeling that you’re going to tell me,” Dazai says dryly.

“Humor me,” Mori replies easily. “I want to see how good your intuition is.”

Irritated, Dazai wonders how exactly he’s supposed to know who the real enemy is when he has limited knowledge of the criminal underworld. It can’t be the government, that’s too obvious an answer. It’s not Fitzgerald, you played him like a fiddle. But then who? You’ve mentioned other organizations in passing, but who did you seem the most disturbed by?

Fitzgerald mentioned he had allies, referred to them as rats…

Rats, hm? That explains a lot, actually.

You looked beyond him, your expression was unreadable, but he could tell you were disconcerted by that knowledge. Is that it? The rats? But who were they?

“The rats,” he says quietly, and Mori’s eyes glitter with glee like he’s pleased with Dazai’s answer.

“His name is Fyodor Dostoevsky. His organization is called the House of the Dead, and its members are called rats,” Mori explains, fingers laced in front of him. Dazai is startled by the name of the man who approached him last night. “He is… something unlike anything we’ve ever faced before, and if we’re not careful, he won’t just spell the end of the Port Mafia or Yokohama.”

“What do you mean?” Dazai asks quietly.

“I need to be able to understand his goals and what he’s capable of,” Mori says instead of answering Dazai’s question. “To do that, I need to be able to go under the radar. Otherwise, he’ll figure out what I’m doing and ensure every lead I find is a dead end. He won’t think of tracking a dead man.”

Fyodor Dostoevsky. Dazai had a feeling that he wasn’t just any ordinary person last night The way Mori speaks about him, though… He’s not just a rival of the Port Mafia, he’s a threat of an entirely different magnitude, and that is an… unsettling realization. This isn’t just another game of chess for Mori—it’s not power plays or manipulation—it’s about survival.

Dazai leans back on his heels, crossing his arms over his chest. His gaze narrows as he tries to grasp what Mori is saying. “So you faked your death, made her suffer in grief and regret for seven months, to become invisible to Dostoevsky? To protect your moves from him?” 

Mori smiles faintly. “Exactly. If he thinks I’m dead, he won’t be able to anticipate my actions. If he doesn’t know I’m still active, I can move freely. But if he knows, I’ll be playing directly into his hands. She… she had to think I was dead, otherwise he would never.”

“What does he want?” Dazai asks. “Why is he such a threat?”

Mori’s smile falters for a brief second before he collects himself. “That, Shuji-kun, is what we have yet to figure out. He’s not like any other enemy we’ve faced. His goals are… unclear, and he has his rats in every major organization in the world. Whatever his goals are, he’s been working at them for years, he’s patient. He operates in the shadows, pulling strings with a subtlety even our lovely hime struggles to match.”

“And Tolstoy?” 

“He understands the threat of Dostoevsky better than anyone. He and Repin agreed to help me fake my death so that we could perhaps get the upper hand on him. It was a… trying conversation. He did not like the idea of going behind her back, but he knew this was necessary if he wanted us to stand a chance against that demon.”

Dazai exhales heavily, an unsure expression crossing his face as he looks down at the floor. He knows where this is leading—if you not knowing is necessary to maintain the illusion of Mori’s death, that means Mori needs to ensure Dazai’s silence on the matter. But Dazai can’t—he can’t lie to you about something like this.

Mori tilts his head to the side as if he knows exactly what Dazai is thinking, and Dazai stiffens.

“She cannot know,” Mori says, voicing his thoughts. “The moment she knows I’m alive, Dostoevsky will know.”

Dazai shakes his head. “I can’t keep this from her,” Dazai replies instantly. “No. I can’t—”

“You can’t,” Mori echoes, voice mocking. “You can’t what? Lie to her? Don’t make me laugh, Shuji-kun, you and I both know you’re well adept at lying to her face.”

Dazai tries not to let the shock show on his face, but he fails. He supposes that he should’ve assumed that Mori knows about what Dazai has been up to for the past month. His jaw tightens before he says, “You don’t know what—”

“I don’t know what I’m talking about?” Mori asks, amused. “I don’t know about your ties to the Armed Detective Agency? I don’t know that the Armed Detective Agency cut a deal with the government to try to knock the Port Mafia down a peg? I don’t know that they’re using you to get the information by getting close to her?”

Dazai doesn’t respond, throat spasming as he lifts his chin, swallowing thickly. 

“You’ll find that I know many things, Shuji-kun. Being dead has its perks. But as much as I find it quite ironic that you’ve stooped to doing exactly what I accused you of, there are more important matters at hand that we need to worry about,” Mori says, leaning forward a little. “Such as… What exactly do you plan to do with the information you got last night?”

Nothing, Dazai thinks with a frown. He hasn’t done anything with the information. It’s sitting back in his apartment. He spent all night staring at it after returning to his apartment. He threw up three times while considering bringing it to the Agency in the morning, and then, in typical Dazai fashion, he decided to be avoidant instead. So he chose to go to the address he found instead to stall the decision he inevitably has to make—more specifically, stall telling the Agency that he “didn’t find anything” after they were all counting on him to pull through.

“I haven’t done anything with it,” Dazai says after a moment, looking down. “I’m not going to. I just—I can’t… I can’t do that.”

“Hm,” Mori says, an odd expression on his face as he scrutinizes Dazai. He doesn’t look… pleased by Dazai’s words. Did he want Dazai to give the information over? But why? Just to be proven right? Or was it something else? “The Hunting Dogs cannot come to Yokohama.”

Dazai doesn’t physically react to that, but he does feel a bit unsure, biting his tongue as he waits for Mori to elaborate. When Mori realizes that Dazai has no inclination to respond, he lets out a heavy breath.

“Besides the fact that a conflict with the government would be… inopportune right now,” Mori says with a tight smile, “she has a… personal grudge against them. She will be reckless trying to get revenge if they end up coming here. We must avoid that at all costs.”

Dazai’s brows furrow. “Why does she have a personal grudge against them?” 

“The Hunting Dogs killed Itou Asahi.”

Dazai’s lips part to speak, but no words leave them. He blinks once, then twice, and looks down at the ground. Shit, Dazai thinks, glad that his hands are still in his pockets because his nails bite into his palms when he realizes what Mori is expecting of him. But Dazai can’t. He can’t cross that line. He can’t.

“I’m not going to hand over the transactions to the Agency,” Dazai says, shaking his head. When irritation flashes through Mori’s eyes, Dazai raises his chin. “I’m not. For all I know, you want me to hand it over because you want something to hold over my head so I can’t tell her that you’re alive. I don’t trust you, and I’m not doing anything you want me to.”

Mori sighs dramatically, turning his back to Dazai momentarily. “Shuji-kun, I thought you were smarter than this,” he murmurs. “Quite frankly, I don’t give a damn about your relationship with her. My concern is keeping her alive, and if you cared about her at all, it would be yours to.”

“And crippling the Port Mafia is going to going to keep her alive?” Dazai demands, stepping forward. “We don’t even know if handing this information over to the government will stop the Hunting Dogs from coming here. Dostoevsky wanted me to do it too, shouldn’t we maybe not play into his hands?”

“A necessary sacrifice,” Mori says, looking over his shoulder at Dazai briefly. “Concessions must be made for the Port Mafia’s survival. She did well expanding its reach over the past seven months, it gives us leverage we can use now against the government. Give up something we never originally had, and we can appease them. Appeasement buys time. Time buys survival. Even just a few days can turn the tides of war.”

Dazai exhales slowly, shaking his head as he looks away. “So you want me to do the dirty work? You want me to be the one to betray her, and you can keep your hands clean?”

Mori gives him a wry smile. “My survival is a betrayal to her,” he says quietly. “Regardless, Shuji-kun, I want you to answer this honestly: do you love her?” 

“Of course, I love her,” Dazai says immediately with a scoff. “I—”

“Then you are going to do what it takes to give her the best chance at coming out of this conflict intact. Even if it means betraying her,” Mori says coldly, and Dazai looks away. “I do not know if giving up Walter Lippmann’s office will be enough to completely deter the Hunting Dogs from coming to Yokohama, but it will buy us time, and time is the one thing we are all desperately running out of. Dostoevsky will make his first move as soon as the Hunting Dogs arrive in the city. We need to understand what his motives are and what he’s capable of before that.”

“You’ve had seven months to figure this out,” Dazai says tightly. “How much could you possibly figure out in however many weeks or days this might buy?”

“As I said, you’d be surprised how quickly the tides could turn in even just a few extra hours,” Mori murmurs.

Dazai feels sick as he looks away. “I don’t—”

“In exchange for your cooperation and silence regarding my survival, I will direct you to Tolstoy and Repin,” Mori interrupts, an oddly… expectant expression on his face as he levels his gaze back onto Dazai. This is some sort of test, and Dazai’s stomach sinks at the realization. “The painting that contains her memories of you will be destroyed. She will remember you.”

All of the breath whooshes from Dazai’s lungs as he stares at Mori. The painting—the whole reason why he agreed to do all of this. He wanted to get his hands on the painting, and now, it’s being handed to him on a silver platter. All for the slim price of betrayal. 

Is it worth it?

Is betraying you worth ensuring you remember him? Will you forgive him? Will you hate him? Will you let him come home? Dazai isn’t sure, but he is sure that he can’t keep doing this. The past month… it’s been nice, but it’s also been lies, and he cannot keep living a fucking lie. Not with you. He gets so bitter, so angry, so depressed, he can’t keep doing it. So even if you hate him or cast him out, he needs you to have your memories of him back.

One more betrayal in exchange for finally being able to stop the lies. 

But would it really stop the lies? Or would it just start a whole round of new ones? The painting in exchange for his silence—how the fuck is he supposed to keep Mori’s survival from you? How is he supposed to look you in the eye and pretend that the father you’re mourning, the father you thought you killed, is dead when he knows very well that he’s alive?

Dazai thinks that’s an issue for future Dazai to handle. Mori can go fuck himself for all Dazai cares—as soon as Dazai gets what he wants, all bets are off. 

But first, Dazai needs to get what he wants. He needs the painting. 

“Okay,” Dazai finally says, but the word tastes like ash on his tongue. “Okay. This week. I want the painting this week.”

“After the transactions are handed to the government,” Mori agrees, purple eyes sharp and calculating. “Then, I will ensure you get your painting.”

“Deal,” Dazai says quietly. “I’ll do it.”

Mori lets out a huff of laughter that makes Dazai’s skin crawl.

“I underestimated you, Shuji-kun,” Mori murmurs, amused. “I’m eager to continue our partnership.”

As if, Dazai thinks.

“Dazai,” he finally corrects, voice hard. “My name is Dazai.”

Mori’s lips curl up into a too-pleased smile. To Dazai’s surprise, Mori inclines his head and echoes, “Dazai-kun.”

For some reason, it makes the pit in Dazai’s stomach grow even more. 

---------

Your phone has been off for an hour, and you haven’t spoken a word to Albatross since you got in the car with him. He’s angry, you can tell from the way his knuckles are white around the wheel, but he has yet to broach the elephant in the room. Car. Whatever. But you know it’s only a matter of time, and since you’re reaching your destination, that ‘matter of time’ is any second now. 

“You can’t run away from this,” Albatross finally says, voice tight, still staring ahead. He can’t even bring himself to look at you, and that’s how you know he’s much angrier than he’s letting on. “You hear me, you cannot run away from this.”

“I’m not running away from anything,” you reply coolly, gaze sliding away from him so that you can look out the window. 

“No?” Albatross asks dryly. “You got your phone off and you’re making me drive you out to the countryside—”

“Beachside,” you correct absently.

“Same shit,” Albatross snaps. From the corner of your eye, you see his head snap to the side to look at you. “You’re fucking running when everything is on fire. Lippmann’s on the chopping block, he needs—”

“The last thing he needs is for me to come running to his rescue,” you say sharply, gaze cutting to the side to look at him. “Do you want me to give weight to accusations, Albatross? I understand your brain is hardwired for the more… hands-on aspects of the Mafia, but surely even you must realize there is nothing we can do about this right now without pulling the trigger on the gun pressed against the back of his head.”

“You’re running,” Albatross repeats, louder this time. “You did this when the Guild showed up, too. You ran to the beach house—”

You slam your hands against the dash of his car, finally losing your temper. You just want some peace, but clearly that’s too much to ask. The past two days have been a shit show—Lippmann is getting torn up by the media and the Ministry of Justice is knocking on his office door every hour of the day. He’s facing threats of removal from the governor of the Kanagawa Prefecture, and you know the charges will be on his desk any day now. He’s stubborn, so he’ll fight, and he might win—he’ll probably win—but when he does, conflict with the Hunting Dogs will be imminent, and you need to know what you’re going to do because you can’t be scrambling when they’re on your doorstep.

But you can’t fucking think when Klaus, Chuuya, Iceman, Doc, Piano Man, Akutagawa, Atsushi, Hirotsu, Kouyou, everyone is coming and demanding to know what the plan is. You don’t know what the goddamn plan is and no one is giving you the space to think. 

“I’m not fucking running,” you say again, voice rising. You don’t usually yell, and you suppose that’s why Albatross goes quiet. “I am not running, Albatross. I need to go somewhere I can think without people barging into my office every five seconds. Is that fucking alright with you? If Lippmann is thrown out of office, it’s only a goddamn matter of time before the Hunting Dogs come down on us—”

“What are you talking about?” Albatross demands. “Everyone’s saying that the only upside of the potential removal is that maybe now the government will back off. I—”

“The government will, but the Hunting Dogs won’t,” you say, shaking your head. “Even if Lippmann loses at his hearing and he’s actually removed, which I don’t think he will, the Hunting Dogs will come anyway. I know it.”

“How?” Albatross asks quietly. “What makes you think that?”

You exhale as you lean back in your seat, tired. “The Hunting Dogs are in Dostoevsky’s pocket,” you tell him. “I don’t know if it’s Fukuchi Ouchi himself or one of the other members, but I know that a member of the Hunting Dogs is his informant, and I know that he’s waiting on them to make their move on Yokohama so that he can make his. They will come here, Albatross, and we need to be ready, I need to be—”

You cut yourself off abruptly, looking away. The Hunting Dogs are the only ones in Japan’s top military units you don’t actively try to embed yourself in. All of the others, you’ve made a point of getting close to at events or inviting to dinners, because it’s good to have friends in high places in all parts of the government—you never know what might come in handy. But not the fucking Hunting Dogs.

Your throat tightens as you take a deep breath, hands smoothing out against the fabric of your slacks. Your lashes flutter shut, you see a flash of metal, a splatter of blood. There’s something—someone—heavy in your arms, and now you can’t open your eyes because you’re scared who you might find laying in them. Dying in them.

You’re not ready to face them again. Not yet.

“Hey,” Albatross says softly. He reaches out to grab your wrist gently, dragging you out of your thoughts. You let out a shaky sigh as you look at him again. “If the Hunting Dogs come to Yokohama, we’re gonna fuckin’ bury ‘em, alright? For Itou. For you.”

“They won’t be like anyone we’ve ever gone up against,” you tell him quietly, gaze drifting to the window again. “We’ll have to be careful. Even if they do come here against government orders, they’re still backed by the government, and if we engage them in open combat…”

“Hey, look at me,” Albatross says, squeezing your wrist. You sigh as you look at him again. “We will handle them when they get here. Don’t you worry your pretty little head about those fuckin’ mutts. You worry about how the fuck the government got their hands on our bank statements. We’ve got a leak, doll, and we need to plug it before things start going down.”

“Yeah,” you reply, voice soft. “I know. I will.”

Maybe you are being avoidant, because you don’t even want to think about how exactly the government got their hands on your bank statements. You know how the government got their hands on them, but you don’t want to broach that subject. Once you do…

You shake your head again as you look out the window. You’re on the long, windy road to Itou’s beach house now. You need a night, maybe two, here to clear your head, and then you’ll head back to the city. Then you’ll be ready. Then—

“Stop the car.”

Albatross skids to a stop so suddenly that you would’ve gone flying forward had his arm not shot out to hold you steady. He gives you an alarmed look, reaching for his gun instinctively, but your gaze is trained out to the beach, where a too familiar figure stands looking out at the sea. 

Fuck.

What the fuck is he doing here of all places? 

“The fuck?” Albatross mutters, pulling out his gun. “Isn’t that the kid you brought to the event Friday night?”

“Mhm,” you say quietly, a lump forming in your throat as you stare out at him. 

You didn’t want to have to confront this yet, but what fucking choice do you have now? If this isn’t proof that all of this has been set up from the beginning… You’d known from the beginning that it was. You knew it in your heart, it was all too convenient and all too sudden, but you wanted to pretend. 

How does he even know about this place? Itou has kept it so far off the grid—only you, Chuuya, and Albatross should know about it. Does that mean it’s compromised? Does whoever Dazai works for know about this place? Is Dazai even his name?

“I knew it was him, but I still went looking for him at the cafe the last three mornings,” you say quietly. His back is still to the car, you wonder if he knows it’s there, if he’s waiting for you. You feel Albatross looking at you but your gaze remains trained on Dazai. “I still brought him up to my office. Left him alone in there. Let him leave knowing he took something.”

Albatross takes in a deep breath. “He’s the leak,” he realizes.

“Yeah,” you whisper. “And isn’t it so weird that I know this and am still reluctant to kill him?”

So weird, you think bitterly. So fucking weird. You’ve never had trouble pulling the trigger before. You pulled the trigger on Mori—the man who rescued you, the man who treated you like his own daughter—and yet this boy makes you hesitate. You’ve hardly known him for a month.

“Do you love him?” Albatross asks quietly.

“No,” you say, ignoring the tight feeling in your chest, “but I think maybe I could have with more time.”

“You don’t have to kill him,” Albatross says, voice soft. “Send him away. Tell him not to come back to Yokohama.”

“He’s the reason Lippmann might be facing time in prison,” you remind him.

“Lippmann will be fine,” Albatross disagrees, “and you know damn well he’d never want you to torture yourself by doing this again.”

“Give me your gun, Albatross,” you say instead. “While I’m out there, I need you to get in contact with Iceman. I have a… piece of leverage up in Kyoto that I can use against the Hunting Dogs. I need him to go get it for me. He’ll know what I’m talking about.”

His expression twists in disappointment, but he nods and places the gun in your hand. You don’t say anything else as you step out of the car and shut the door behind you. The bay breeze is cool against your skin and the rising sun sets a pretty glow over the bay, but all you feel is dread building in your stomach and the heavy weight of Albatross’s gun in your hand. Your feet drag against the sand as you make your way over to Dazai’s familiar figure in the near distance. 

He doesn’t turn to look at you, and he must know you’re approaching by now, but you don’t come to stand next to him. Instead, you stop behind him. You don’t know what to say or how you should go about handling this—a part of you wonders if you should skip the pleasantries and press Albatross’s gun to the back of his head, but the larger part of you aches to give him one last chance even though you know you shouldn’t. 

You hate that your heart is still clinging to him when you know what he’s done, and you hate that logic isn’t enough to overpower the traitorous thing in your chest. You slide the gun into your pocket very bitterly, and then say quietly, “I was waiting for you at the cafe the last three mornings. You didn’t come.”

Dazai doesn’t respond—you didn’t really expect him to, but you still hoped that he would.

“Kissing me the way you did and then running out on me was pretty heartless, you know?” you try again. Though you try to keep your voice light, you know it comes out strained, too close to pleading. You’re begging him to give you something to work with, something you can hide behind so you don’t have to confront the truth. “And then to not even show up at our cafe the next morning? So rude.”

Our. You didn’t mean to say that, you hope he didn’t notice, but you think he did from the way his shoulders tense and how he finally decides to speak.

“You kissed me,” Dazai finally says, voice too rough for comfort. You know in your heart how this conversation is about to turn, and you still can’t brace yourself for it. 

“You kissed me back,” you remind petulantly, stalling for as long as you can—the weight of the gun in your pocket is too heavy, and you can’t even bring yourself to touch it. Your fingers graze the metal and it burns you.

What is wrong with you? Why are you so reluctant to kill someone who betrayed you? What is going on? You’re almost convinced that it’s some sort of ability—one like Lippmann’s, maybe, that prevents people from acting on their desire to kill him.

“What are you doing?” Dazai whispers, turning to look at you for the first time. His eyes are rimmed red, expression confused. “Why are you acting like this?”

You don’t reply for a moment, swallowing thickly as you look down at the sand. You don’t know how to answer—you don’t know why you’re acting like this. You walked out of the car with every intention of pulling the trigger, and now you can’t even bring yourself to touch the gun. You’re back to looking for excuses, back to trying to hide from the truth. 

Why?

You’ve never acted like this before, not when you’ve been slapped in the face with betrayal, stabbed in the back and then had the knife twisted. You can be avoidant sometimes, yeah, but never to the point of letting yourself look like a fool. Never like how you’ve been acting the past month with Dazai Osamu.

Why?

“Why?” you demand, voice breaking over the word. Your hand finally wraps around the grip of the gun, but you don’t pull it out. “I don’t know, Dazai, why don’t you tell me why?”

Dazai draws back, an uncertain expression crossing his face. “What?” he breathes out. “What do you mean?”

Not uncertain. Confused, but fearful. Hopeful. 

Who is he?

You start to get more antsy—more nervous. You don’t understand what’s going on, and a part of you is scared of understanding what’s going on. All of the thoughts you repressed over the past month of getting to know him resurface—all of the times you paused mid-laugh because the conversation felt too familiar, all of the times he would smile at you and you would swear you’d seen that smile before, all of the strange images that flashed in your head when you were too tired or too drunk.

“Tell me why, Dazai,” you demand. “Tell me who you are. Tell me why you’re so familiar. Why was Chuuya against me getting to know you? Have we met before? Who are you?”

Dazai doesn’t respond. He stares at you like he doesn’t know what to do—like he doesn’t know if he should respond. He doesn’t speak for too long, and you swallow thickly before pulling the gun out of your pocket. You don’t point it at him, but you don’t need to. His gaze drifts down to it, but you pause when he looks almost… nostalgic at the sight of it.

“Would you… believe me if I told you this wasn’t the first time you pulled a gun out on me?” he asks quietly, amused.

“What?” you breathe out, blinking twice as his words process, but you did hear him correctly. “What? What do you mean? Who are you?” 

His expression crumbles again. He looks away.

“Why won’t you tell me?” you ask, voice rising in a terrible combination of fear and anger. “Answer the damn question. Who are you?”

“You won’t believe me,” he whispers, shaking his head. “There’s no point.”

“Tell me anyway,” you say tightly. “I need to know.”

Dazai stares at you, conflicted, and you’re on the verge of demanding answers again, but you can feel a lump swelling in your throat, and you’re afraid that if you try to speak now, you might choke over a sob. Not now. Not in front of someone who could be an enemy. 

“I…was someone you loved,” he finally replies, voice so faint—like he’s scared to speak the words out loud. “I was—am—someone who loves you. We loved each other. A lot.”

You don’t reply. You stare at Dazai carefully, scrutinizing him, trying to figure out if he’s lying. He doesn’t… seem to be—his gaze stays pinned on yours, he doesn’t shift nervously, there’s no twitching in his face. He’s either telling the truth or believes that he is, but… can you believe it?

You swallow thickly, trying to get rid of that lump in your throat so you can say something, but it only gets bigger. The longer you stay silent, the more uncertain Dazai becomes. He only starts shifting on his feet when a minute passes, and you still say nothing.

You remember the first time you met him—he was so familiar and you couldn’t place how. You convinced yourself it was from the back of the book you read, but you knew in your heart that the answer wasn’t so simple. You knew there was a reason Chuuya didn’t want you to get close to him, you knew it was strange how quickly you were so endeared by him, and you especially knew that something was wrong with the way you were so quick to avert your eyes from all of the red flags. 

Nothing had made sense—was this what Repin had taken away from you? 

No. It couldn’t be. You refuse to believe it.

Because if you believed it, you would have to believe that someone you loved—someone who claimed to love you—used you, manipulated you to get information to hand over to the government. Someone who claimed to love you betrayed you, and you just can’t—you can’t deal with that. Not right now. 

It’s only when you start to shake your head in disagreement that Dazai speaks again. His voice is ragged—cut open, exposed, it feels like a knife to the gut, hearing the pain in his words: “You remember. You have to remember. You remember, don’t you?”

You shake your head again, taking a step back. “You’re lying.”

His expression shatters. “No,” he breathes out, fingers tugging at his hair as he squeezes his eyes shut for a brief second. “No. Please, if you don’t remember on your own, then I—you have to remember something. Anything. You took me to get the suit I wore to the event the other day. You—you came to see me at the hospital instead of going to an executive meeting. You brought me here you—”

“Enough,” you breathe out. “Enough, I don’t—”

“You do,” he snaps angrily. No, not angry—desperate. “You do, you just can’t reach it. You need to reach it—” his voice cracks, and suddenly he’s the one shaking. “You were so scared to get close to me. You tried to push me away so much, but I was just so stubborn. I—I blackmailed you into taking me on dates, but it wasn’t really blackmail because you could’ve gotten the leverage any time, but you just wanted the excuse—”

“Stop,” you say. It sounds like you. It sounds like something you would do. It makes most of your actions over the past month make sense. It scares you. When you try to step away, he grabs your wrist. You want to pull away, but you’re frozen, your world is lopsided, and your hand is still on the gun, but you’ve forgotten why. “I’ve changed my mind. I don’t care for the truth.”

“I’m not a stranger to you. I was never a stranger. You know that, you’ve always known it, that’s why I was so familiar to you. That’s why you kept seeking me out,” he whispers, frantic now, begging you to understand. You don’t want to understand—not anymore. “You went to war with the Inagawa-kai for me. You almost died trying to save me from Arahabaki. You took over the Port Mafia and wiped everyone’s memories of me to protect me from Mori. You—”

“Enough,” you yell at him. “Shut up!”

Dazai draws back like he’s been slapped, his fingers fall from your wrist. You feel cold suddenly without his touch, but you take another step back. He looks sick as he stares at you silently, waiting for you to continue—too real of a reaction to be faked. But it can’t be real. Because if it is…

“You’re lying,” you say, grateful that your voice is steadier than you are. Dazai’s lips part in disbelief. You can see he’s on the verge of protest, so you force yourself to continue before he can. “You’re lying because if you loved me, you wouldn’t have used me to get close to me. You wouldn’t have lied to my face for weeks. You wouldn’t have stolen documents from my office to hand over to the government so they could fuck me over. I wouldn’t have killed my father for someone who was going to betray me in a few months.”

“It’s not what you think,” he says, voice breaking over the word. The expression on his face makes your chest tighten painfully—you can hardly even bear to look at it. “It’s not—I do love you. I love you so much it makes me sick. I never stopped loving you. Not once. Not when you decided to wipe your memories of me, and not when you looked me in the eye and asked me what my name was. I love you.”

“Just stop it,” you say quietly, looking away. You put the gun away instead of pulling the trigger. “Go.”

Dazai looks like he’s about to cry. “I—”

“Go,” you repeat before he can finish what he’s about to say. You turn away from him, not sure if it’s because you can’t handle the look on his face or if it’s because you don’t want him to see the expression on yours. “Don’t ever show your face to me again, because the next time I see you, I’ll pull the trigger.”

----------

Dazai doesn’t even really remember how he got to Port Mafia headquarters. He called someone to pick him up from the road near the beach house—Yosano, maybe, or Kunikida? He’s not sure which one he called, both of them came. He walked far enough down the road to make sure they didn’t see the beach house or have any inkling that he was at a safe house of yours. Dazai has done enough damage—the last thing he needed to do was take away one of the few places you have left that remind you of Itou. He knows you’ll never come back if you think it’s compromised. 

The last thing he really remembers is Yosano and Kunikida dropping him off at his apartment. They both offered to stick around, but he told them he wanted to be alone and then…

“Dazai, are you listening?” 

Dazai is startled out of his thoughts by the blonde man standing in the elevator with him—the infamous Leo Tolstoy he’s heard so much about from you. One of your most trusted confidants, and also, evidently, a traitor who is working behind your back with Mori.

Like Dazai.

Dazai shoves that thought to the back of his head instantly. Not like Dazai. Dazai isn’t a traitor—he’s not, he’s doing this for you. And you’ll understand once you remember everything, and then he can try approaching you again. It was a mistake to do it at the beach. He hadn’t even meant to run into you there; he just… wanted to go to the last place where things had been okay between the two of you. Before everything went to shit. 

He had no idea you would go there too, especially not with everything going down in Yokohama. He’d been careful not to go to the beach house the last seven months because he didn’t want to arouse any suspicion—he’s sure that you have cameras somewhere on the property, but he’s been aching to come back to this place. The first place you opened up to him, the first place you told him that you loved him, the first place he actually felt like he was worth something to someone. 

He needed to come here to remind himself that everything he’s done is just a means to an end. A way of getting you back. He didn’t betray you because he wanted to betray you, he didn’t give up those documents to hurt you—he’s doing all of this because he loves you, because he wants to do what he can to protect you, because he wants you back. Fuck, he just wants you back. That’s all he wants.

And he thought, maybe, he could get you back when you started demanding to know who he was, when you asked him why he was so familiar. He thought—maybe—that he wouldn’t have to take Mori up on his deal, that he could do this on his own and not even need to go looking for the painting, but you—

“Dazai,” Tolstoy says again, drawing him from his thoughts once more. “It would be great if you could listen.”

“I would listen if you were saying something important,” Dazai says instantly, voice dry. The blonde instantly gives Dazai a flinty look, and Dazai realizes that maybe he shouldn’t be antagonizing an ex-mob boss who is trying to help him, but he’s just not in the mood for needless conversation. “Can you just take me to the painting?”

Tolstoy lets out a heavy sigh, shaking his head. “My cousin is an asshole,” he finally says. “Don’t take anything he says to heart.”

Dazai rolls his eyes, not even deigning the comment with a response. He tilts his head back against the side of the elevator, eyes sliding shut as it lifts the countless floors of the tall black building. This was the building you used to live in—evidently now housing the former members of the Three Deaths. He wants to know what happened to your penthouse. If someone else is living up there and everything between the two of you has been destroyed.

It probably has, he thinks bitterly—he left too much stuff at your place to risk you going up there and seeing it. He bets the first thing Chuuya did in the aftermath of the memory wipe was rid your apartment of his existence. 

He detests the man even more.

“Why did you do it?” Dazai asks quietly, not looking at the man standing next to him. “She trusts you a lot, y’know. She spoke highly of you. Do you think she’ll forgive you when she finds out?” 

It’s not meant to be a dig, but it comes out as one from how Tolstoy inhales sharply. It’s mostly to gauge how your executives are seeing you and your mental state—he knows that you put up a front for him. As much as he’s confident in his ability to see through it, he knows that his limited encounters with you mean that he doesn’t see all of what’s going on behind the scenes, so he can’t know just how bad you’re doing.

“Honestly,” Tolstoy says dryly, shaking his head, “she’ll probably kill me.”

Dazai swallows thickly, lashes fluttering as he looks at the ground. He doesn’t know how you’ll react when you remember everything. He wants to believe that maybe you’ll come looking for him, that maybe things will be okay again, but… but he’s not stupid. He saw how you reacted to him trying to explain everything to you. You believed him, he knows you believed him, but you didn’t want to.

You didn’t want to because you couldn’t bring yourself to believe that someone who claims to love you would betray you the way Dazai has. He always has been the cause of his own undoing, hasn’t he?

He can feel Tolstoy looking at him, and he’s pretty sure the man is about to say something that’s going to annoy him, so Dazai instead says abruptly, “Mori said that you were initially planning to fight Chuuya.” He pauses and then adds, “But then backed down when she showed up. Why?”

Tolstoy doesn’t reply right away. The elevator hums beneath them, climbing floor after floor. Dazai doesn’t press—he watches as Tolstoy’s expression shifts as he figures out how he wants to answer the question.

Finally, Tolstoy exhales through his nose. “There are powers more dangerous than destructive ones,” he says slowly. “Nakahara Chuuya’s ability can level cities. Hers… twists people. It warps reason, intention, things you can’t fight with fists or strategy. Things you don’t even know are being influenced by someone else. It’s not something you can defend against or prepare for.”

“So it scared you,” Dazai says bluntly. “I thought her ability was a secret. How did you—”

“I didn’t,” Tolstoy cuts him off before he can finish his next question. “I didn’t know about it. Not at the time, at least, but I saw how my ability was reacting to her. There were six viable paths to victory against Nakahara Chuuya. Not high-probability outcomes, mind you—most of them had maybe a two to three percent success rate on a good day. But they were paths. Ways out. Reasons to hope. The fight was never meant to be the final battle, just a necessary detour. There were plans for what came next. Ways to resist the Port Mafia, undermine it, take it down.”

“But not when she showed up,” Dazai says, and Tolstoy nods.

“Not when she showed up,” he confirmed quietly. “All the variables collapsed. All of the paths splintered into dead ends. We could win, we could kill her way more easily than we would’ve been able to kill Nakahara, but what came after… Well, let’s just say death would’ve been too kind. She was already so entrenched in the world’s criminal underworld—the Family, the South’s Song, the Pale Flame… If we killed her, one or all would’ve come down on us in retaliation.”

“So you decided to bend the knee to the Port Mafia,” Dazai realizes, “but why not just bide your time?” 

“That was the original plan,” Tolstoy admits wryly, “but it didn’t work out that way.”

“Why not?”

Tolstoy grins suddenly, and Dazai casts him a curious expression. The man leans in like he’s going to tell Dazai a secret, “‘Cause once that girl has her claws in, you’re done. I couldn’t lift a hand against her if I wanted to. You know how people used to say that you could bite through your own finger as easily as a carrot, but your brain stops you from doing that much damage to your body.”

Dazai doesn’t think that’s necessarily true, but he frowns as he understands the implications of what he’s saying. “You’re saying she’s messed with your brain to the point that you literally couldn’t hurt her if you wanted to?”

Tolstoy lifts his hands in mock surrender. “I don’t know if that’s what it is,” he says honestly. “From what I know of her ability, I assume so, but it could also just be all me. That’s the problem with abilities like hers: you never know when they’re in effect and when they’re not. Never know if a thought or intention is yours or someone else’s. Regardless, she treats us well, so if you want my opinion—it doesn’t matter if it’s her ability or just me. I wouldn’t want to lift a hand against her. She’s a good friend of mine. She takes care of her people—you don’t see much of that in the underworld nowadays. I know if something happened to me, she wouldn’t jump ship like most in this world do, she’d fight for me. So quite frankly, I don’t give a damn what she thinks she needs to do to assure her own safety. We’ll never be in a situation where we have to find out if it’s her ability or my own will that stops me from wanting to turn against her.”

“Except you are in that situation,” Dazai says dryly as the elevator finally reaches the floor Tolstoy is bringing him to. “You betrayed her to work with Mori. Now with me too.”

Tolstoy shakes his head. “I did what I thought was best for her,” he disagrees quietly. “I wouldn’t say it’s betrayal—not in a way that implicates disloyalty to her, at least in terms of my perspective of it. But I knew how she would see it. I knew how this decision might end for me when I made it—treachery has only one punishment in our world.”

“Death,” Dazai murmurs more to himself than to Tolstoy. “So what? If she decides that you betrayed her, you’re just going to let her—”

“Yes,” Tolstoy interrupts before Dazai can even finish his question. “Yeah. I knew what I was doing when I made my decision, even if I do believe it’s in her best interests—I knew what the consequences would be.”

Dazai swallows thickly. “You can’t let her do that,” he says quietly. “You can’t let her think this is a betrayal. You have to explain to her, you—”

“I shouldn’t have to explain to you of all people that she acts quite quickly and efficiently when it comes to dealing with betrayal,” Tolstoy says dryly. “You were at the meeting where Ace was killed, weren’t you?”

Dazai looks away. He was there for the aftermath of it—his body was still warm on the executive’s round table when Mori beckoned Dazai to come into the meeting room. Still…

“She won’t be able to come to terms with it—with killing someone she considers a friend,” Dazai insists firmly. “You can’t let it come to that.”

“Well, I don’t exactly intend for it to, but it’s always a possibility,” Tolstoy replies dryly, leading Dazai into an apartment on one of the upper floors of the building. “Remember what I said about not taking anything he says seriously.”

Dazai side-eyes Tolstoy briefly before looking around the apartment. It’s deceptively simple—there’s no gaudy ornamentation or exorbitant decor on the tabletops or walls. Dazai might even go so far as to say it’s rather homely. There are a few paintings displayed—landscapes of what Dazai assumes is the Russian countryside and maybe the Italian coastline?—but none of them seem to be anything that might be storing your memories of him. He supposes that makes sense, they’d probably be hidden somewhere in case you came looking for Repin for some reason.

Though, the thought of you seeking out Repin in his apartment does make Dazai’s stomach churn uncomfortably. He remembers Dostoevsky’s comment too—about how he’s an old friend of yours, how he spent two years with you, how he plans to see you soon. Dazai makes himself sick at the thought, so he speaks up to try to distract himself.

“Where is the painting?” he asks impatiently. He wants to get out of here. He wants to get this painting and go find you. He’s been out of it since the conversation on the beach—how it ended, your reaction to him trying to tell you the truth. He won’t be settled until everything is okay again.

If everything is okay again.

“Be patient,” Tolstoy says flatly.

“I’ve been patient for seven months,” Dazai replies through grit teeth. “Do you know what it’s like to be erased from the lives of everyone you know?”

Tolstoy doesn’t even look at him leading him down a short hall to a back room. “I was under the impression you were only wiped from her and the executives’ memories. And anyone you met through them.”

Dazai’s throat tightens. “Yeah,” he agrees tightly. “I didn’t have anyone else.”

Tolstoy pauses in motion to open the door, as if digesting Dazai’s words. “I see,” he says mostly to himself, voice quiet. He looks back at Dazai after a moment, blue eyes carding over him before he says, “Well, I guess I understand then—I’m sorry that all of this came at such a high price to you. Let’s go get my cousin.”

Dazai doesn’t respond. He’s not sure that he can. The words hit something hollow in his chest—a gaping, lonely wound he’s been ignoring too long. He doesn’t want Tolstoy’s understanding. He wants yours. He wants things to go back, to rewind, to snap into place like they were before all of this started. He wants to matter to you again. He wants you to love him again. And now he doesn’t even know if you getting your memories back will be enough, because he might’ve ruined everything this past month.

Tolstoy finally turns the knob and pushes the door open. 

The room is darker than he expected—the blinds are drawn tight, only a candle lighting the far wall where there’s some quick movement that Dazai can’t make out. Tolstoy scoffs and turns on the light, and Dazai’s eyes narrow in on the man standing on the opposite side of the room.

“Must you always lurk in the darkness, Ilya?” Tolstoy complains, stepping to the side to lean against the wall as he frowns at his cousin. “It’s strange. You should stop.”

A man who must be Tolstoy’s cousin, Repin, sneers. “Must you always disturb me when I’m trying to paint? It’s irritating. You should stop.”

Tolstoy rolls his eyes, but before he can retort, Repin’s gaze focuses on Dazai, who immediately stiffens. He didn’t think he’d ever meet the ability user who stole all of the memories of him, and he’s not sure what he was expecting, but it definitely wasn’t… this. The man isn’t much older than him; he has deceptively soft features, paint smeared on his cheek. It’s only when he seems to realize who Dazai is that something malicious crosses his face.

“Wow, I’ve been dying to meet you,” Repin purrs, lips curling into an unkind smile. “You’re much… plainer than I expected.”

Dazai’s jaw tightens as he stares at the Russian, a sharp retort ready to fly off his tongue, but before he can let it loose, Tolstoy intervenes.

“Ilya, please,” Tolstoy says, voice strained. “Let’s just get this over with so we can get the cameras wiped before anyone realizes he’s here—or do you want Nakahara to catch us with him?” 

“Don’t tell me you weren’t thinking it too,” Repin says instead, tossing a fleeting smile over at Tolstoy, but his gaze remains on Dazai, nose scrunching judgmentally. “He’s so… I mean, I saw him in people’s memories, but I was still expecting something more… exciting. He’s not her usual type—I mean, look at him compared to Dostoevsky or Jia Baoyu or that Italian she played around with for a few months. It’s almost hard to believe that he’s the one she did all of this for, and I’m the one who witnessed all the memories when taking them.”

Dazai definitely does not need to hear about how he’s so clearly not your usual type and how he’s so much plainer than the people you usually seek out, especially after you outright rejected him when he tried to explain everything to you. And yes, he knows that you didn’t reject him because you didn’t want him—you rejected him because you couldn’t cope with the idea of someone who claims to love you betraying you (which is a bit worse, he thinks balefully)—and he knows that you fell for him not once, but twice (even if the second time was kind of cheating), but still, all those old insecurities that resurfaced night of the first event return with a vengeance. 

Naturally, he masks it with arrogance, raising his eyebrows at Repin, a mocking smile that he knows doesn’t reach his eyes curling at his lips. “Sounds to me like you’re jealous. Hm? She reject you?”

Repin scoffs, the judgmental look fading into a more irritated one—Dazai’s smile becomes a bit more genuine, and a bit more sharper, when he realizes that he was right on the nose.

“Aw, she did, didn’t she?” Dazai croons. “Must suck, can’t relate.”

Can relate, actually, but Repin doesn’t need to know that. 

“Y’know, it took her days to come to me when you were captured by the Guild, “ Repin says after a moment. Dazai stiffens, but the man’s condescending tone was replaced with a more curious one. “I doubted she cared about you as much as she claimed to. I told her that right to her face.”

“Yeah?” Dazai asks. “What’d she say to that?”

“She threatened to have my tongue removed,” Repin replies, sounding oddly amused by the memory of it, “and then my hands.”

The smile that rises to his lips is softer this time as his gaze drifts down to the ground. He misses you—he misses you so badly that his chest physically aches, he doesn’t think he feels whole without you anymore. He just wants things to be as they were, and he knows they never will be, but… they can’t be like this. That conversation at the beach can’t be his last with you.

“I thought with you out of the picture, I’d finally be able to get into her bed,” Repin says too crudely. Tolstoy clicks his tongue sharply a few feet away, casting the man a sharp look, and Dazai’s teeth grind together in irritation. Repin continues more quietly, “I tried. Usually, when I store someone’s memories in a painting, they’re still subconsciously there, but only triggered by certain things. A specific place, a specific food, a specific face… I don’t think her subconscious memories of you ever really disappeared.”

Dazai’s throat spasms as he swallows, the crushing guilt that has been weighing on him for the past few weeks intensifies with more confirmation that you have subconsciously remembered him. He wonders how relieved you felt when you finally met him that night at the bar—you probably didn’t recognize it in the moment, but he knows it’s why you turned a blind eye to all of his red flags. It’s why you continued seeking him out. It’s why you gave him another chance on the beach even knowing what he did. It’s why your heart believed him, and it’s why your brain couldn’t let you. 

The piece of you that had been missing, the answers you’d been seeking, you found them that night at the bar, and Dazai took advantage of it. 

“Did she subconsciously remember me or did she just really not want to sleep with you?” Dazai scoffs defensively. “Maybe you’re just looking for excuses to explain why she rejected you—ever think she just doesn’t want you.”

“She didn’t reject me,” Repin hisses indignantly. “She didn’t—she just—I underestimated her ability to romanticize garbage, I guess.”

Dazai doesn’t rise to this one. It hits too close to home, because he is garbage, isn’t he? He’s garbage for taking advantage of you, for using you, for betraying you. He wonders if maybe your brain refused to let you believe he was telling the truth not because you couldn’t come to terms with the fact that someone who claimed to love you could betray you like this, but rather, because you were afraid that if you remembered, you might forgive him. Maybe that’s what scares you the most. Maybe you really don’t want anything to do with him.

Dazai starts to spiral, but Tolstoy, thankfully, seems to have had enough of his cousin’s antics.

“Ilya,” he repeats, voice sharp and low. “Enough. This isn’t the time.”

Repin mutters something under his breath in Russian, then turns on his heel, stomping across the room to a door. Tolstoy nods for Dazai to follow, and he lets out a heavy sigh before doing so. The door leads to a wide room with paintings set up all over the walls and resting on the floor—there’s far too many to count. Dazai swallows thickly, wondering just how many memories Repin has stolen since he’s gotten to Yokohama.

“My cousin has taken many memories before. When he does, he feels them himself during the in-between period before he gets them into a painting,” Tolstoy murmurs as Repin scratches the back of his head, looking around the roof, seemingly trying to figure out where your painting is. “None have affected him the way hers of you did. I had never seen him like that before.”

“What do you mean?” Dazai asks, swallowing thickly. 

Tolstoy gives Dazai a small, sad smile. “She loves you very, very deeply, Dazai.”

Dazai’s grateful for the loud, “Aha,” Repin lets out so he can turn his face away from Tolstoy to hide the way his eyes go misty. He tries to focus on the other man as he makes his way over to where three paintings are resting atop each other on the ground propped up against the wall. The painting is small—smaller than he expected, unassuming in size and on an unframed canvas, but everything else about it is unmistakable.

It’s a portrait. A portrait of him. Not just of him—he recognizes the background, the moment. It’s from the day he ran into you near the ports so many months ago. He looks different. Dazai has never liked his own reflection. He looks ghoulish—his eyes are too dark and his skin is too pale, his features are sunken and uncanny. He’s never considered himself handsome, though he likes to put on a front of being god’s gift to the world.

But in this—through your eyes… Dazai swallows thickly as Repin passes the painting over to him. The sun is setting behind his head in the painting, casting a golden glow over him; there’s a soft smile curling at his lips and his eyes are rich golden color instead of the black he’s grown accustomed to in the mirror. He looks… good. He looks…

“... the sun hit you just right. You looked so pretty beneath it that I was almost tongue-tied. If we hadn’t been interrupted, I would’ve made a fool out of myself.”

Dazai almost wants to cry as your words from the beach house echo through his head. His throat tightens terribly, his knuckles are white around the canvas—he misses you, he wants you back so desperately. 

“Where are the others?” he asks, grateful that his voice is steadier than he feels. He forces himself to look up from the canvas to focus his gaze on Repin and Tolstoy. “Her subordinates and the other executives. I want those too.”

Repin and Tolstoy share a long look with each other and Dazai’s jaw tightens, ready to argue with them, but after what feels like an eternity, Repin lets out an exasperated sigh before returning to looking for the rest of the paintings. Dazai’s gaze drifts back over to where the Russian had grabbed his painting, swallowing thickly when he realizes that one of the other two there must be the one that implanted your fake memories of Mori’s death. It’s the one in front—Dazai can’t see the one behind it—you’re on your knees in the painting, and the older man is dead in your arms—a bullet to the head. He’s not close enough to be able to make out the expression on your face, but he can tell that you’re wailing, hunched over his body, probably screaming. 

“I wouldn’t have killed my father for someone who was going to betray me in a few months.”

Dazai can hardly look at it for more than a few moments without feeling nauseous. This is what you think happened seven months ago. This is what he’s going to have to lie to you about. No, he doesn’t have to—he can tell you the truth, but at what cost?

He’s been trying to figure out what he should do since he spoke to Mori that day. He knows that once he burns this painting, he could theoretically do whatever he wanted. He could run to you and he could tell you the truth. He could tell you Mori is alive and the painting that Repin used to implant the fake memories is here. 

But is Mori right? Will Dostoevsky know as soon as you know? Is that something he can risk? Is that something you would want to risk? 

He doesn’t know, and the uncertainty has been killing him. 

Repin makes his way over to Dazai, but Tolstoy intercepts. He watches with a frown as the two of them speak quietly in rapid-fire Russian before Repin rolls his eyes and removes several paintings from the pile he was bringing over. Dazai’s eyes narrow instantly, but before he has the chance to interrogate them, Tolstoy speaks up:

“Only the executives, the Flags, and her subordinates,” he says. “Everyone else is unnecessary. The less people that know about you, the better.”

Dazai doesn’t reply, reaching out to take the small pile of paintings. He has to shuffle them around to hold them comfortably, and he pauses when he sees the one on the top. It must be Klaus’s—it’s from that same day at the ports, but it’s an angle from above. He hadn’t even noticed the boy up there that day, too absorbed in the sight of you in the sunset.

From the rooftop, Klaus had a clear view of you, and Dazai swallows thickly when he sees the expression on your face. It’s soft, adoring almost—is that really the way you’ve been looking at him since the beginning? And he was having meltdowns thinking that you didn’t actually like him and he was forcing you to indulge him?

“Alright, leave now,” Repin says, physically shooing him out of the room. “I was on such a roll with my painting, and now you’ve ruined the ambience. If I can’t back into it, I’m making it your problem, Leo.”

“Whatever, Ilya,” Tolstoy says dryly, following Dazai out of the room. “Alright, let’s get you out of here before Nakahara shows up.”

Dazai immediately is looking around. He knows that he saw… there. He quickly makes his way over to the fire place on the opposite side of the room. He tosses some of the paintings immediately—he doesn’t like looking at the ones that he assumes are the Flags’. He can tell they’re from that night with the battle against Lovecraft where you almost died, and Dazai can hardly bear to look at them, because he remembers your body crumpled on the ground, the hole in your abdomen, and he doesn’t want to remember that. He pauses for a second before throwing Klaus’s in there with it, fingers tracing your expression, trying to commit to memory, and then he stares at the only one left. 

Yours.

“We really don’t have time for this,” Tolstoy says with a tight smile. “Toss it so we can go.”

“You’re that scared of the slug,” Dazai scoffs, swallowing the lump in his throat as he struggles to toss your painting into the fire with the rest. It’s what he’s wanted for so long—he wants your memories back, he wants you back, but now that it’s within reach, he’s scared. 

Will this be enough to get you back?

Will you regain your memories and come looking for him? Or has he ruined everything?

Dazai doesn’t know—there’s too much he doesn’t know, and he hates not knowing things. Your words from the beach ring through his ears again. The way you refused to believe him even though you knew in your heart he was telling the truth. The hurt expression on your face. The way that even after everything, you still tried to give him another chance. Would you understand when you regain your memories? Or would it make his betrayal hurt even more?

“Dazai,” Tolstoy insists when he doesn’t immediately toss the painting. “We have to go.”

Dazai tosses the painting in with the rest before he can think himself out of it. The canvas catches slowly, edges slowly curling as the fire licks at the paint like it’s savoring each flake of color. For a moment, the portrait fights back. The glow of the setting sun, the softness in his eyes, his smile—it stays preserved. It doesn’t last. The image slowly starts to warp as the fire eats away at it, and Dazai looks away as his face becomes as eerie and uncanny as he imagines it to be.

“Let’s get going,” Tolstoy says, nudging his shoulder. “Don’t be worried if you don’t hear from her immediately. The memories don’t come back all at once—it’ll take a few hours, maybe a bit longer for her to understand them.”

Dazai nods mutely, but still doesn’t immediately turn to follow him. Your memories will return by morning. Dazai should feel lighter—he finally achieved what he started all of this for. You’ll remember now. You’ll remember him. Everything.

Instead, dread coils in his stomach like a snake.

He wonders where you are right now. Whether your hands have started to tremble. Whether you’ve dropped something you didn’t know you were holding. Whether his name has just risen to your lips. Whether the pain in your chest has returned, suddenly, violently. Whether you’re crying and don’t know why.

He wonders if you’ll hate him.

He thinks that you will.

When Dazai follows Tolstoy out of Repin’s place, he’s half out of it—he had to shove his hands in his pockets to hide the way his fingers were suddenly shaking. Tolstoy opens the door and turns to say something to Dazai, but freezes when he realizes who is standing on the opposite side of it. 

Nakahara Chuuya stares at Dazai like he’s seeing a ghost. The look of someone realizing that the nightmare they’d been dreading has just come true. Dazai stares at the mafioso blankly—he wants to make a snide comment, maybe insult him a little bit, but his tongue is heavy in his mouth and his lips feel numb.

“What the fuck have you done?” Chuuya asks quietly.

Dazai’s throat spasms as he swallows. “I don’t know.”

----------

Dostoevsky wipes away a tear that you don’t even realize is rolling over your cheek. His thumb is cool against your skin—his touch has always been oddly cold, but never more than right now—still, you don’t pull away the way you usually would. You lift your hand to grab his wrist, fingers brushing the jagged scar you’ve become quite familiar with over the past few months. He raises his eyebrows slightly in surprise, taking advantage of the fact that you don’t shift away from his touch to let his thumb slide down your cheek to absently trace your lips.

His thumb rests on your bottom lip, heavy like a weight. He doesn’t question why you’re suddenly crying—he knows you well enough to realize that you probably don’t know why. But you’re grateful for it anyway, because you think if you tried to speak right now, you’d hardly get the words out over the lump that’s suddenly swollen in your throat.

What is going on?

“Why did you call me here so suddenly?” he hums, voice low and deceivingly soft.

You don’t answer his question right away. Instead, you stand very still, one hand pressed against your chest, where something inside you has shifted, tilted. Not enough to break, but enough to destabilize. Like the center of your world has warped by a few degrees and everything familiar is now just slightly off-center. 

Dangerous, considering your current company. 

You give Dostoevsky a long look. “Did you… do something to me?”

As soon as the question slips from your lips, you know that it isn’t him. 

“No,” he says simply. “Not me.”

You know who it was then. Warm brown eyes, bandaged arms, a soft smile. You taste ash in your mouth. Your lashes flutter as vague images flash behind your eyes—you can’t make any of them out, but you can feel them. You can feel the way your chest swells with fear, with anger, with distress, with love. You desperately try to push them away again, not ready for this. 

Shit.

You wanted so badly to believe he was lying at the beach. You knew in your heart he wasn’t, but it just wasn’t something you had time to come to terms with considering everything going on right now. You’d known you made a mistake as soon as you demanded the truth from him, but it had been too late.

“Why did you ask me to come here?” he asks again, hand cradling the side of your face as he looks down at you through his lashes. His touch suddenly feels wrong, but you can’t bring yourself to pull away.

Because you needed a distraction. Ever since you left him at the beach, your mind has been a dangerous, dangerous place. Echoes of a past that is so familiar and unfamiliar at the same time keep circulating through your head—a hospital bed, Itou’s beach house, a side street near the ports. Each time one of these memories flashes through your head, it becomes clearer and clearer, threatening to consume you. It’s only a matter of time that whatever these memories are—whatever this lost past of yours is—they become your new reality.

And you don’t want it.

You’re not ready for it.

Not now, maybe not ever. 

You don’t want what Dazai told you to be true. You don’t want to remember this. If you really did love him as much as he claims you did, then you won’t be able to handle his betrayal. All of the times you tried to hound Chuuya for answers, all of the moments where you reached desperately for the truth that’s been eluding you for months—now that it’s within grasp, you’re frantically pushing it away before it can destroy you. 

Because it will destroy you. It will destroy you knowing that you killed Mori for someone who lied to you for weeks, took advantage of your lost memories to get close to you, all for information to hand over to the government. You killed Mori for someone who betrayed you within a year. You killed the closest thing you’ve ever had to a father for a love that died as quickly as it flourished.

“Maybe I wanted to see you,” you whisper, lips curving up into a playful smile that doesn’t quite reach your eyes.

“Dangerous,” he repeats what he said the last time you gave him this explanation, a teasing curve to his lips as he looks down at you. “And untrue.” 

“Maybe I just want to be distracted tonight,” you amend, this time more truthfully as you tilt your head to the side into his touch, eyes imploring as you look up at him. “Indulge me?”

Dostoevsky’s throat bobs as he looks down at you. He doesn’t respond right away, fingers tensing against your skin. Then, he steps back—away from you, his hand falls from your face. You exhale to prepare yourself for rejection, but before you can, his hand slides down to your waist to pull your body closer to his.

He sits down on the chair behind him, and he pulls you down with him. Your breath catches when you find yourself straddling his lap, his hands resting on your hips, lithe fingers tracing patterns over the thin fabric of your dress. He tilts his head back to look up at you, black hair framing his face, violet eyes glittering, darker than they usually are.

When one of his hands slides up your body to cradle the side of your neck, fingers absently toying with your hair, you swear you can feel familiar rough bandages against your skin. You swallow thickly, looking down at Dostoevsky—for a moment, his eyes are a familiar soft brown instead of the sharp violet you’ve become accustomed to, but it passes too quickly. 

“I will indulge you in anything, darling.” 

[snowsilver2000]

Since request are open may i request xiao and zhongli with a hu li jing s/o? (their chinese foxes who shapeshifts and loves to seduce men but reader didnt seduce them) and maybe put some lore of hu li jing s/o and how they became the protector/god of liyue?

s/o who’s a huli jing — genshin hcs ⸝⸝

— warning[s]. n/a!

— synopsis . . . (char.) with a s/o who’s a húlijīng

— characters . . . zhongli , xiao

⭑ notes . . . you had me at húlijīng- i love chinese mythology (and mythology in general tbf) smmm it’s one of my favourite things to self study for fun (≧▽≦)

— “finally a lover that wont die on me-“

— in his long ass life he’s definitely interacted with countless of different species and creatures so your identity wasn’t surprising news per se

— don’t get me wrong he was still shocked that his own lover was anything but human , however he didn’t bat an eye at what you actually were

— being from liyue and all , he’s certainly heard of huli jing’s and he does recall telling stories , myths and legends about them but they are rather rare to come across since they blend in so well with others

— you remind him of himself in a way more or less! i mean you both act or pretend to be like something you aren’t (a human lol) whether your reasons differ from one another is a different story though

— speaking of stories , being the man of history he is, zhongli enjoys every thrilling tale you bestow upon him every evening which all include your journeys and adventures and even the story of your own creation

— he has put his entire trust in you , to not only cherish him as a lover but cherish the land of liyue as if it were your own - whenever he sees the glint in your eyes or the slight happy swaying of your tails when good news of liyue harbour get murmured amongst locals he can’t help but be intoxicated by your joyous attitude

— this dude has no problem in taking care of your ears and tails for you !! zhongli only wants to spoil you and being able to touch those silky tails of yours is a blessing within itself so never hesitate to ask about grooming your fur, he’ll make sure to thoroughly wash and brush it

— the whole ideology and stigma that huli jing’s are deceitfully evil creatures who only seduce men for fun is clearly neutralised when he met you - you remind him a of a field of glaze lilies on a warm summer afternoon, calm and carefree <3

— wtf are you ??

— being the almighty demon yaksha emo ass bitch he is , xiao will definitely attempt to hide his inner curiosity into learning more about what you are i mean you’re a fox . . but like human . . but he thought that kätzlein-

— safe to say , he’s intrigued ! on the days you come to visit him at wansghu inn , with a generous plate of almond tofu in hand , he tries to pick out some details about you and he’s not exactly the best at masking the fact he’s staring very intently at you

— after he gets a few good looks at you , he won’t really pay that much attention to it anymore , unless you end up mentioning the fact you’re also immortal which at that point he’s more than happy to sit and listen to you for a bit

— knowing you’re capable of handling yourself and that your life won’t escape like a drop of water in the ocean depths xiao would thank the geo archon a couple times for blessing him with something so gracious as yourself

— from all the myths he’s heard about (mostly from ganyu and zhongli) huli jing’s are meant to be seductive beings of malevolence , and he’s more than ashamed to admit he thought you’d fit that standard , but as the days got older it couldn’t have been farther from the truth

— he loves you sm !! <33 when the moons rise and fall and xiao’s karmic debt plagues his tormenting heart , simply you shapeshifting into cute animals can uplift his spirits , he especially loves the attention he’s getting

— don’t let his persona fool you ! he wants to be loved and held , if you want to spoil him with love be his guest ! pls . .

— ehem- he has no idea what he’s doing when it comes to helping you groom tho :’) he’ll try to pat your head first and then forget about what he’s meant to be doing same thing happens with your tails too

— he can’t help it ! you’re just too cute (๑>◡<๑) <3

IHEARTGANYU do not copy, steal or repost <33

⭑ notes : i wrote this late at night so pardon any spelling or grammatical errors i’m too tired to proofread :’)

[snowsilver2000]

―✧ 𝗴𝗲𝗻𝘀𝗵𝗶𝗻 𝗰𝗵𝗮𝗿𝗮𝗰𝘁𝗲𝗿𝘀 𝗮𝘀 𝘁𝘄𝗲𝗲𝘁𝘀 𝗶 𝘀𝗮𝘄 𝗼𝗻 𝗽𝗶𝗻𝘁𝗲𝗿𝗲𝘀𝘁 𝗽𝗮𝗿𝘁 𝗶𝗶:

― part i here !!

a/n: i love these hilarious tweets bc i can relate with most of them 😭

↺ MASTERLIST

[snowsilver2000]

the color of love is…

pairing: kaeya x gn!reader

summary: where kaeya accidentally drinks sucrose’s love potion, and you unfortunately happen to be the first person he sees. 14k

featuring: rivals to lovers, 2k backstory because i can’t write this trope without establishing one, drinking, minor violence, jealousy, misunderstandings, reader being the most oblivious person alive

Like any other night, Angel’s Share remained restlessly alive even after the neighboring houses had dimmed their lights and sunken into deep slumbers. The torch outside was blazing, quivering every time the drunken yells from inside shook the air. Tonight, the hollering was especially loud.

“Kaeya! Kaeya! Kaeya!” Adventurers, knights and citizens alike cheered as the disheveled captain tossed his head back, downed another shot, and slammed the glass onto the sticky table. The impact sent another one falling over the edge, and one of the spectators scrambled to catch it. 

“Your turn—” he hiccuped— “sweetheart.”

“Drop the name, asshole,” you slumped forward and grabbed a shot, finishing it in one gulp. The crowd erupted in awestruck cheers. One moment your head felt like it was being dragged to the bottom of the sea, and the other you were floating without gravity. Even in your state of disorientation, you refused to break eye contact with the figure in front of you.

You recalled in the back of your head how this was supposed to be a relaxing evening. You’d just spent the early afternoon in the laboratory helping Sucrose brew potions after potions, and your brain could’ve really used some loosening up. Turned out luck wasn’t on your side at all, for the moment you entered the tavern, the familiar face of Kaeya Alberich turned to you. There went your chances of getting a peaceful night.

Diluc happened to be absent today, off somewhere making deals with merchants. That’s the only reason why the two of you were even allowed to have a drinking contest in the first place, because god knows he’d kick you out before you could even start. 

However, this wasn’t a rare occurrence at all. Kaeya never missed an opportunity to drag you into contests that would surely result in a head-splitting hangover the following day. And you weren’t any better. All it took was a bit taunting for you to accept his declaration of war, like a moth to fire.

“Wre- wrestle.” You demanded, throwing your elbow onto the table. Unfazed, Kaeya clasped your hand tightly and— BAM , your knuckles hit the wood. More cheering.

“Fuck,” you murmured before drinking another shot.

Next to you were Venti (out for the count) and Rosaria (refused to participate in your ‘stupid game’). The latter had the heart to give your back a soothing pat as you suppressed the lump in your chest.

“Can one of you just give up? This is taking forever.” She said flatly.

“Sure,”

“No.”

You glared at Kaeya and his permanent shit-eating grin, “I’m gonna win this once and for all. I will ob… oble- ugh,”

“Obliterate?” Bruce suggested, having come down from upstairs for the show.

“Yea, that.” Your words came like waves, blurred and overlapping. “I’m the greatest wine-bubble in town.”

“Winebibber,” Rosaria said.

“Winebibble,” you nodded.

With an amused smirk Kaeya bowed his head to the side to get a good look at you. His hair, tousled after having his hands run through it for umpteen times, cascaded down like someone had just knocked over a cupful of night sky. “You’re tipsy already.”

You rolled your eyes at him. “I’m not. It’s your turn, asshole.”

The night dragged out, and another bottle was emptied. Charles watched from behind the bar, eyes grim with horror as you lined up the newly-filled tumblers in a horizontal line. You threw your satchel somewhere empty on the table, and the content flooded out. They were mostly miscellaneous samples Sucrose had given you as gifts of gratitude. You ignored the vials rolling around.

“Next one,” you sandwiched your face between your palms to keep it from spinning. By now his cape was already nowhere to be seen. “Blink and you lose.”

He scoffed. “You’ve never won before.”

“Try me.”

You narrowed your eyes in concentration, staring dead into Kaeya’s unmoving one. The air was thick with anticipation, all around you were heavy indrawn breaths as the crowd looked back and forth between you two.

After a tense beat where nothing moved, your mind started to wander. Lunch, bladework, dandelion seeds. Then you reckoned that, if you were to close your eyes, you could probably conjure an image of him that’s correct down to the very detail. You almost attempted right there until you remembered that you were in a staring contest. Perhaps you really were drunk.

A skilled reader of your expressions, Kaeya curled his lips when he realized that you were slipping away. Not only that, your lids were also fluttering, eyes begging for moisture.

Meanwhile Kaeya looked as unbothered as ever. Maybe he’d already blinked, you were just too drunk to notice it.

Moments before your body gave in, you gritted your teeth and kicked him under the table. It hit him right in the shin, and he doubled over in pain. His eye shut as he winced loudly. The crowd made a sound of mild surprise.

“You lost.”

“No, you cheated!” he said incredulously. He must’ve been so displeased, because as soon as his voice dropped, he split into two images. No matter how hard you blinked, he wouldn’t merge back into a singular Kaeya.

“I don’t care. There’s no rue- rule stating that I can’t disturb my opponent. Drink up,” you said, but your words sounded miles away. “Ah, ah, ah,” you made some random noises to make sure you were hearing correctly.

He looked like he still had a lot to say, but instead he clicked his tongue, snatched a glass and emptied it. You were still wondering about why there were two of him when he clicked his tongue. “What’s this? Tastes weird,”

Through the dizziness, you could still make out the color of the remaining liquid. Your heart sagged. Sweat gathered under your nose. “What d’you drink?”

“Something weird,” he repeated. “Ugh, it’s so sweet. Tastes like a…like a cloying love song,” whatever the hell that meant. “Why’s it pink?”

“Oh, hell no,” Rosaria muttered under her breath. You looked back and forth between the frowning man and the vial, the cogwheels in your head spinning and spinning and spinning until you realized what he’d just put inside his body.

You saw your bewildered reflection in Kaeya’s eye. The words formed in your throat but died on your tongue. You could tell the exact moment the potion took root.

He burped.

And then you passed out.

—

From the comfort of your slumber you were awakened by persistent knocks on the door. This morning, your body seemed hellbent on chastising you for the reckless intake of alcohol. Your head was screaming with murderous intent, and your throat felt like a desert that hadn't been touched by a single drop of water for eons. The ache in your limbs had you wonder whether you’d run through all of Mondstadt in your drunken state.

You lay unmoving in the position you'd woken up in, and contemplated staying like this forever. The sun was in your eyes, but the will to move had long left you. Events from last night eluded you. Trying to recall drunken memories was like looking for a seashell in a raging storm.

Another series of knocking. You promptly rolled out of the bed, the collision sending another wave of pain.

Death would be merciful in comparison.

Lisa was standing on the other side of the door, a basket hanging from her elbow. The sweet aroma of fresh bread enveloped you. “Mornin’, are you here to relieve me of my suffering?”

“As always,” she walked past with familiarity. “I heard about what happened last night.”

“Great, because I don’t remember a second of it,” you sat down at the dining table, watching her present the food in front of you. “All I know is that it’s probably that icy bastard’s fault.”

“If it’s any consolation, Kaeya called in sick today. You should probably do the same, because you look like you’ve been through hell and back,” Lisa pushed the toast toward you. The golden crust, the glorious sunny side up, and fresh jam stared back at you. A knot rose in your throat. 

“I wouldn’t be surprised if I actually did.” You turned away from the food. Perhaps your appetite would return a moment later. “Thank you for coming, by the way. Can you grab me the hangover cure?”

“You mean that large jar of suspicious brown substances?”

“Say what you want, but it works like a charm every time.”

The cure had been a recipe passed down from your ancestors. Evidently they were not exempt from the alcohol-loving nature of Mondstadters. 

Despite the strain on your back, you leaned in to get a peek inside the basket Lisa had been holding. Inside was another serving of toast. 

“Who’s the other toast for?” You asked.

“Make a guess?” She said from the kitchen.

Frankly, you’d known the answer before asking. “So you didn’t come especially for me after all? I’m hurt,”

Her airy chuckle echoed through the house. “Truth to be told, I was told by Jean to pay you two a visit. She knows how much you two like to torture yourselves for some childish glory.”

Your face scrunched up. “She’s not mad, is she?”

“Of course not,” she returned with a cup of ‘suspicious brown substance’ and pushed your bag out of the way. Her eyes caught on a piece of note. “What’s this?”

You grabbed the paper and squinted. Every word you read was a stab at your throbbing head.

you fucked up. big time. — Rosaria

“What’s that about?” Lisa chuckled. “Would you mind if I brought some of this cure for Kaeya?”

A mindless nod was all you could muster as you reread Rosaria’s note. The memory flooded up to you, albeit backward— her carrying your home, the slumping forward, the moment of astonishment shared between you and Kaeya, the drained vial…

“Oh no,” you shot up from your seat and snatched yesterday’s satchel, rummaging through the chaos inside. “Oh, no, no, no, please —“

Sucrose’s samples came clattering out one by one until you found, to your horror, a vacant one. 

Now Kaeya having drunk this specific concoction shouldn’t be a big deal. At least it wouldn’t kill him, Sucrose would never make something like that. In fact, these were mostly mild and experimental funsies, from truth potion to juice that makes you sound like a frog. But the reality wasn’t really better.

“What’s wrong?”

Your shoulders dropped. “Kaeya drank it. It’s a love potion.”

“Oh my,” Lisa’s hand hovered in front of her open jaw. 

“And considering its method of activation, I was the first person he made eye contact with.”

“…Which means he’s going to be head over heels for you?”

The broken wail you let loose could be heard from streets away.

“Okay,” you managed to calm yourself down before your neighbors could come and complain. “It’s not that bad. It might not even have worked, it was experimental after all. In fact it’s a favorable outcome, because now I can tell Sucrose whether her formula works,”

“Uh-huh,” Lisa cocked her eyebrow, not a bit convinced. “Are you going to tell him though?”

Your bravado faded as quickly as it’d come. “I don’t know. I don’t want to think right now.”

Tense silence draped over the room. Your head ran wild with tangled thoughts, most of which were imaginations of a very out of character Kaeya. All were enough to induce psychological horror.

“Alright, well…” Lisa tapped her finger against the table. “Since you don’t know for sure that it worked, maybe we should first confirm. When you see him again, look for signs he’s interested in you. I’ll help you out later, but I doubt I’ll get anything out of him,”

You nodded, temporarily incapable of giving a more animated response. 

“When are you going to see him?” She asked.

“Like tomorrow? We have a… we have to check out an area around Springvale. Stupid slimes have been going rampant lately.” The two of you as a team was nothing out of the norm. At the end of the day, you were still his second in command, as much as you hated to admit.

“Perfect. So when you’re out saving Mondstadt from perils, you can do some observations of your own. Just to let Sucrose know the effectiveness of her potion, of course,” she winked. “And if the potion really did work, you can just ask her for an antidote when you come back. Sounds good?”

In a lack of an alternative, you bobbed your head in agreement. Lisa shifted to ruffle your bed hair with a meaningful smile. Had you not been all up in your head, you might’ve even caught a hint of amusement in it. 

“Then I’ll leave you to it. I still have a drugged captain to visit after all.” 

Lisa excused herself and left you to ponder. The toast stared back at you, lonely and untouched. Once again your brain overheated from all the thinking, so you opted to take the cure and head back to bed instead.

—

If anyone were to ask about the origin of your rivalry, you would have to go way back to the first time you met each other, and without surprise, it was at the tavern.

Growing up, you had been known as nothing short of ambitious. Having had your vision bestowed upon you by the fair-minded hydro archon at the tender age of seven, there was only one noble aspiration you held: to become a knight of favonius. And surely enough, you were recruited during your fleeting adolescence.

As a new member, you made it your mission to get to know each and every knight. There was Godwin, who seemed to be so lovesick for Glory that he had no control over the words of love that spilled out of his mouth. There were also delightful minds like Jean, whose unerring determination sometimes put your own to shame.

As for the knights you couldn’t meet during the day, you decided that the tavern would be the optimal place for chance encounters. The smell of alcohol hit you the moment you stepped foot inside, chatters and laughter stacked upon each other. You gave Charles an acknowledging nod before looking around.

Here was your first impression of Kaeya Alberich: marked and distinctive. With his fancy outfit (an eyepatch? Fur collar? Why was the chest window even there?) and the sure way in which he carried himself, he stood out like a delicately-cut lapis in the crowd of sandstone. 

Even amidst the drunken hollers and chortles, his voice, smooth as silk, drew you closer. You cleared your throat behind him, and he whipped his head around—

His flowing hair hit you square in the face.

You shut your eyes, smiling solely out of courtesy.

“Oh, how terrible of me. I’m afraid I’m a bit tipsy,” his gaze focused on you. “Have we met before or am I just exceptionally fortunate tonight?” 

Second impression: a smooth talker, and an overly confident one at that. His voice was akin to waves lapping at the shore, gentle, but cold. Had the wind not been in his favor and carried it everywhere it went, you might’ve missed his words. 

“We’ve met, though we never introduced ourselves. I’m one of the newly recruited knights.” You gave your name.

“Kaeya Alberich. Pleasure to make your acquaintance.” He held out his gloved hand, a courteous gesture, and you shook it. “Which company are you under?”

“Calvary,” your voice was coated with pride you couldn’t suppress. “I hope to be captain one day.”

Something close to recognition dawned on Kaeya’s face. A few knights who had been listening in nodded meaningfully. It seemed that the term ‘calvary captain’ carried some sort of meaning to them.

At that time, the role of captain had been vacant long enough that people were starting to speculate about what might have caused the delay in a new assignment. You knew that the previous captain was Diluc Ragnvindr, born into noble status. You also knew that he was Kaeya’s brother. Other knowledge you held of him were all rumors and hearsays. 

His sudden withdrawal from the post had been one that shocked the city, but compared to the news of him leaving Mondstadt altogether, it caused mere ripples.

Regardless, the position was empty, and you had your sight set on it. 

“Captain, huh?” Kaeya pressed his lips to the side, long finger tapping the edge of the bar as the gears in his head turned. “To become one, you must possess the strongest will and the utmost loyalty. Not to mention outstanding combat skills and work efficiency. You sure you’re up for it?”

Your brows twitched, a barely concealed frown. “Sure I do. I’ve been training my whole life for this.”

“Your determination is admirable,” another knight said. “But I think the Grand Master already has a pick.”

Following his line of gaze, you realized that he was referring to Kaeya. 

“Nothing is set in stone yet, but it'd be nice to have competition; makes it all the more satisfying when I crush you." There was an attempt to give a wink, but due to his eyepatch, it just looked like he was blinking aggressively.

To define it as a declaration of war might be an exaggeration, but at that moment, his words inflamed a torch deep inside you. 

Following your initial meeting, the need to prove yourself would become your motivation for the next few months. After all, you would be nothing if not the best. During training, you often found yourself pitting against each other while others spectated with curiosity. You had your fair amount of wins, but they were always outnumbered by your losses. 

It stung to admit, but Kaeya was a force to be reckoned with. His swordsmanship and agility worked hand in hand to corner you until you were staring at the end of his blade. His movements were elegantly choreographed, and he dodged your offenses with such swiftness that he was able to leave snarky remarks in between.

In one match, you managed to parry his blow and force the sword out of his grip. Taking advantage of his moment of shock, you pushed him back onto the parched ground. But even with him pinned to the ground with your elbow and your knees caging his middle, to assume your victory and let your attention waver would be an amateur mistake. Until someone from the watching group announced the winner, you refused to take your eyes off him.

"This is quite the position." He said, and you rolled your eyes, trying to ignore his lopsided smirk, but it was hard to ignore something when you were staring directly at it. You definitely weren't fooling anyone with the way your attention darted around in a frenzy. 

"I like you so much better when you're not talking," you mustered as much strength as possible as you spoke those words, but archons — your mind wavered— the way his hair spilled out on the ground like waves and the way his chest heaved with every breath he took were nothing short of distracting.

Focus, focus, focus.

"So you do like me?"

"Dream on."

He moved his head to the side to squint at you, revealing the soft flesh of his neck. With an audible gulp you pushed yourself off of him, patting the dust from your clothes. 

Amateur mistake. You let out a short-living gasp as you were literally swept off your feet, your rear taking the blunt as you landed. The sun glaring at you when you opened them, and you had once again lost.

"Alberich, twenty. Y/N, thirteen." Miles announced. Kaeya bowed flamboyantly to the clapping crowd and turned to offer you a helping hand.

All the training and you got sidetracked by trivial things. You ignored his outstretched palm and hoisted yourself up.

Perhaps that was why you could've never been captain.

The day Varka called for the both of you, autumn was in the air, and so the breeze carried forth fragrances of flowers as you marched towards his office. The excitement in your chest dwindled when you saw Kaeya standing outside, staring down at the floor in deep thought.

Hearing your footsteps, he raised his head and cracked a smile. "So the Grand Master asked for you too. I wonder what this is about."

He was just teasing, of course. Both of you knew what this was about. Taking up the spot beside him, you could feel your heart beating in your ears. 

An hour or two later, the two of you emerged from his room, and were immediately surrounded by clamoring knights. Kaeya waved at them dismissively with a breath of lightness in his voice as you pushed your way through the crowd.

If you'd had to listen to his voice for a second longer, you would've let the anger crawling under your skin break free. Cavalry Captain , the words rang true and clear in your head. And the second in command . 

Your head pounded with fury as you sank onto the floor, fists so tight that your nails were digging into your skin. Atop you, the birds chirped and danced around each other, not a care in this world.

Here's a secret your pride would never let you know. In those moments of pure redness, your anger was neither directed at Kaeya nor the Grand Master. It was disappointment mixed with infuriation rumbling inside you, because you knew exactly who was to blame. You'd never been angry at Kaeya for being better, you were angry at yourself for not being enough. 

At the celebration feast, Kaeya managed to slip into the vacant seat next to you, a glass of wine in hand. You pointedly ignored his presence, but he paid no mind, instead opting to sit in silence. It was you who finally gave in. "What do you need?"

"Why so cold?" He propped his head up on his fist, observing. Beats of stillness passed with decades packed in each of them. Then he said in a matter-of-factly tone, "You're upset."

You'd always been an open book— or perhaps he was just a fast reader.

"Thank you for noticing," you grumbled. "Enjoying the party?"

"It's also yours, you know?" He dodged your question. "It's uncommon for a captain to have a second in command. Varka must’ve seen something in you that couldn't be wasted."

"Something, sure, but not enough."

He didn't say anything to that. For the first time after the conferment, you took a good look at him. While there was mirth smeared across his face, especially prominent in the corners of his lips, his eye was as pensive as a blackhole hoarding thousands of secrets. He didn't look half as happy as you would've expected him to be.

"I bet you knew all along. To be honest, even I myself was not surprised," you began, testing the water. 

"I had my speculations," he chuckled. "Funnily enough, I was still taken aback when I heard the news. Kaeya Alberich, you have proved your competence on numerous occasions, and so it is my greatest pleasure to bestow on you the title of Cavalry Captain ." His imitation of Varka was spot on, down to the very gasp he would take before each sentence he said. It made you wonder just how observant he was.

Once again, something you lacked.

"Perhaps I was taken aback because I didn't really want to be captain." He said. You waited for more, but it never came. 

"Why?" You insisted. It ached seeing someone dismiss the very thing you'd been wanting your whole life.

"...Who knows?" The ghost of the truth dimmed his eye, and then he was back to beaming again. "Do enjoy this evening, my dearest second in command. After all, it's not everyday you get a promotion."

The Kaeya that had just talked to you was a shell of memory now. Moments like that, when he let his vulnerable side show, were always too fleeting for you to hold on to. With an offended expression, you watched him return to the people, once again radiant. If anyone else had been around to hear his words, they would've thought him considerate, but you knew that it was his way of mocking you.

Why he didn't seem at all elevated escaped you– there was too little for you to work with. Yet for some reason, you had a hunch that it had something to do with the previous captain. Diluc Ragnvindr, his brother in another land.

Your pondering was interrupted by a clap of hands and the hushes that befell the participants. Kaeya had somehow gotten himself a stool and was standing tall. "I suppose it's only fair that I say a few words?"

A weaver of words, he satisfied his audience with ease. From a distance, you made a show of rolling your eyes skyward, bitter. Always so dramatic and conceited .

"...and of course, I have to thank my fellow colleagues, who have been absolute joys to drink with," a few of them chuckled. "But most of all I have to thank our lovely Y/N—"

The sudden mention of your name almost had you choking on air. You glared at him, flabbergasted and irked by the fact that he was forcing you under the spotlight when all you wanted was to wallow in your own failure. "--who has time after time pushed me to become the best version of myself. Without them, I doubt I'd even be standing here."

His gaze bore into you, arrogant. Patronizing, even. "With you as my subordinate , I dare say there'll be nothing I cannot achieve as captain . A toast, everyone!"

The crowd turned to you with terrifying synchronization. With a strained smile pasted on your face, you nodded at them before downing your own drink. Soon the crowd returned to chit-chatting, but your eyes were still fixed on the captain. Your veins blazed with the desire to wipe that permanent sneer off his face, chagrin morphing into the comfortable disguise of distaste.

Years later, Rosaria would find herself a frequent listener of your retelling of your relationship. You would ramble for hours and hours on end, about how he was always driving you up the wall, about the time you almost pushed him off a cliff because he wouldn’t stop shoving in your face the fact that he cleared more hilichurl camps than you did. Rosaria might not care, but even through her nonchalance, she saw one thing clearly.

You spoke of distaste and detestation, yet it was apparent that the anger was a shield. More often than not, your opinions of Kaeya hinted at respect instead of genuine contempt. The person you were mad at was yourself. The anger stemmed from the shame you felt at being inadequate, which was so great that you could barely live with it. It was much easier to assign blame. So you did.

The funniest part was that Kaeya just played along. He had absolutely nothing against you, but once he’d learnt how to ruffle your feathers, he wouldn’t give it up. It was yet another mystery why he enjoyed teasing you so, but Rosaria wasn’t going to probe. She already knew more than enough.

In her eyes, Kaeya Alberich wasn’t that good of a pretender after all.

—

Outside the sun dappled through trees, and the streets buzzed with activity as the early merchants set up their stalls. Remnants from yesterday's hangover had long dispersed, courtesy of the infallible cure. 

It occured to you over breakfast that you had no idea what kind of signs you were looking for. Love was not a myth, that much you knew, but it was foreign. You could scarcely recall the last time you felt it, so how were you supposed to recognize it all of a sudden?

Your mind wandered to the lovebirds in town. Beatrice, whose obsession was crystal clear as she chatted Quinn up basically every day, though the latter couldn’t be more blind. Raymond, who would incessantly speak of his wife when he’s drunk. There’s always this tender look he reserved just for her. And then there’s Nimrod, who had been trying hard to treat his alcohol addiction for his wife.

These were all sweet people. But when you tried to imagine Kaeya being as lovesick, it was like trying to dress an adult in toddler-sized shirts. It didn’t fit him. The mere thoughts of it made you flush from embarrassment. Chances were you were going to die from cringe.

As much as you’d like to run from the problem, you had a job to finish. Every step you took toward the city gate, where you usually rendezvoused with Kaeya, was tentative. Your eyes darted around as you looked for signs of him, hoping that you would at least have some time to prepare yourself.

“Why are you sneaking about?” 

Your breath jolted. Every hair on your body jerked up.

“Very nice of you, Alberich.” You snapped, hand hovering above your racing heart. He gave a hum of a laugh as you calmed down.

(That was the first sign you missed— the way his eye lit up when he saw you from behind.)

Right, your secret objective. You scanned his face briefly. Nothing seemed out of place. He wasn’t giggling like a teenager experiencing romance for the first time, neither was he throwing himself at you like a clingy kid—

“So, dear partner,” he swung his arm around your shoulder. Your brain sputtered. “Are you ready for our little date?”

Well. Shit.

Panic took over your limbs. You jabbed your fingers at his side, and he curled away with a gasp. 

“Don’t make me punch you in the face when we’ve barely started. I still haven’t held you accountable for the pain you put me through yesterday.”

“Right, yesterday. Thank you for the cure, by the way. Still waiting for the recipe though,”

“Too bad I’m taking it to the grave.” The two of you marched out of the city. “Say… aside from the hangover, did you feel weird in any other way?”

Something indecipherable passed across his face. “No. Should I have?”

“Not at all,” you rushed to answer. 

He might’ve been a little touchy, but that didn’t automatically mean that the potion was behind it, and you were no stranger to his flirtations. If the teasing bore any genuine feelings at all, then he would’ve been in love with you since forever.

"If you're worried that I'm not in tip-top condition, you can rest assured. I'll protect you from any harm that may come your way, as usual." 

This was going to be a long day.

—

"I think we should do plan K," Kaeya said while you were making your way through the green plains.

"What plan K?"

"Kitty cat?"

It took you a few seconds to catch on to his meaning. "No." You refused curtly.

Unlike their owners, your visions worked in perfect harmony. There was no enemy you couldn't freeze with a slash of your respective swords. Still, you were only two people. When confronted by mobs of enemies, trapping one or two of them in suffocating ice couldn't really help. The key was to gather them so you could drench them all at once.

It was only one time– the group of hilichurls on the cliff was truly too overwhelming for you. Even hot-headed as you were, you still knew not to go out without a plan. In the heat of the moment, you decided that the best way to grab their attention was to pretend to be a cat. After all, who wouldn't respond to their mewls?

You could still recall vividly the look on Kaeya's face as you forced the sounds out of your throat– like something had cracked him open. Surprise smeared his countenance even long after he'd turned the enemies into a dense pack of ice statues. It was one of the few times you got him to be speechless, which was in itself an achievement, but considering the context, it only made you want to crawl into a burrow.

"I didn't know you had such a knack for imitating animals. Can you do Rishboland Tigers?" He'd said. You proceeded to throw him a few insults before tying up the loose ends of your job. 

You should've known that he wouldn't let it slide that easily. This was Kaeya you were talking about. When had he ever passed on a chance to make your skin crawl?

"Come on, it was so effective last time." He pressed.

"Do slimes even recognize cats?" 

"Sure,"

"Bullshit." You said, and that was final.

Soon the striking windmill came into view, a silent indicator of your destination. Most of the residents had left the village for work, and the remaining ones were mostly lounging around. 

A man with hair the color of autumn spotted you first. Light steps brought him closer, and soon he was standing before you. 

"I’m Allan. You're from the knights?" 

"The Cavalry Captain, in the flesh," Kaeya said with just a hint of pride. You barely held back your snort. “Where may the reported problem be?”

“Just down the road.” Allan pointed. “We would’ve taken care of them ourselves, but a lot of us have gone far to hunt and have not come back.”

“Noted,” you said. “How many slimes are there?”

“Twelve, give or take.”

Your eyes rounded. Twelve is quite a large number, even for limbless balls of elemental energy. Kaeya moved in and whispered, “Kitty cat?”

“Not a snowball’s chance in hell.” You hissed, hating the way he always managed to send chills down your spine when he spoke in proximity, even more so when his words were thick with meanings. You turned back to Allan. “Alright then, we’ll go take care of them.”

“Yea,” Allan nodded, a bit absent-minded. “While you’re at it, can you look for Myweiss? Short hair, probably with a lyre. She went out this morning and hasn’t been back since.”

His words had a certain ominousness to them, though as a knight you still had to maintain a mask of nonchalance lest you reinforce his worry. “We’ll look into that too.”

It was just as Allan had said. A few turns later you found the road blocked by a pack of pyro slimes. From where you were hiding behind a rock, they formed a circle, bouncing in sync and looking awfully like they were holding a ritual. A figure in the middle drew your eyes.

“Is that Myweiss?” Your hand found its way to the hilt of your sword, body inclining with the urge to strike. Warmth enveloped your knuckle, and you looked down to see Kaeya pushing you back down.

“Don’t be rash,” he said.

“But someone’s—”

“— in danger and as knights we have to save them, yes,” he stole the words right from your mouth. At your slightly astonished gape he winked, “I know you more than you think.”

…Well, friends pay attention to each other all the time. You didn’t even like him one bit, yet you were still familiar with his patterns, from silent body language to layered words. So this was not enough proof that he was under the influence of a love potion.

Kaeya proceeded to lay out his plan, which was really just charging in head-on, but you were too busy ruminating on his words to call him out. 

He sprang out first, flitting through the air weightlessly. The slimes jolted in recognition and fled toward him like magnets. You seized the opening to rescue the trembling woman who’d curled into a ball. She flinched away when you put your hand on her shoulder.

“Hey, you’re alright. We’re here to save you.”

She peeked out from behind her crossed elbows. Your attire must’ve given your identity away as she grasped your hand in relief.

“Duck!” 

Your body responded quicker to the shout than your brain could register it. Ice spikes shot through the air, impaling the slime hovering above you.

“A hand would be nice,” Kaeya said. 

“Why, can’t handle a few slimes?” You cooed. Whipping out your polished sword, you slipped into a comfortable spot behind him. One man might still be prone to blunders, but two could form an impenetrable defense. There wasn't a single way to lay a finger on you without being struck down by some frigid ferocity first, and in return you covered all the spots Kaeya's eye couldn't track. You knew each other's patterns like the back of your hands. You scythed your swords with such fluidity that you were like comets weaving through constellations– ruthless, unfaltering, yes, but never once did you collide into the other's trajectory. 

You made quick work of the slimes without breaking a sweat. The last one exploded as a final attempt at retaliation, and all's left was scorched grass and your stiff pants.

"You got quicker," Kaeya stated as you approached Myweiss again, picking up the broken lyre on the ground. 

"Thank you, good sir, your compliment means an awful lot to me," you playfully bowed before turning back to the bard. "Are you hurt anywhere?"

"My… my ankle," she stuttered. You leaned forward and found her skin glaring with an angry burn. It wasn't severe, but it would probably require a few days to heal completely.

"We'll bring you back to Springvale," Kaeya offered his hand. Myweiss glanced at it before opting instead to loop her arm around your elbow, the action surprising you for a moment. The blue-haired captain had a comically puzzled frown on his face as you hoisted the lady up. You stuck your tongue out at him as you passed.

Allan jumped into action as soon as you came into view, taking her away to the village’s healer. As soon as you're alone, you tilted your head at Kaeya. "Seems like you've lost your charm."

"Or you got more alluring," he bent and wrapped himself around your arm, "Ah, I'm feeling a bit worn out from all the fighting. Mind if you carry me back to Mond, dear knight?"

"I'd rather leave you in the wild."

"Hurtful. Very hurtful," he feigned a pained expression. 

The sun swam overhead. By the time Myweiss had been fully bandaged, you'd already finished your quick lunch. She limped out with urgency, and broke into a smile when she realized that you hadn't left.

You, of course, failed to notice it as you walked up to her. "Feeling better?"

"Oh, a lot better. May I just add that you were phenomenal just now? I've never seen anyone fight as gracefully as you."

You flushed. "You're too kind. I was only doing my job."

"Well, consider it a job well done," she fidgeted a bit. "Say, do you have other business to attend to? Would you like to stay for a while? I can play you a song if you like– ah, nevermind, my lyre looks pretty worse for wear."

A break out here sounded pleasant enough, but you still had to report back to the headquarters. Before you could reply, Allan butted in despite the sharp glare Myweiss gave him. "Speaking of other business, I heard from others that there have been some treasure hoarders roaming around Dragonspine lately. Shouldn’t the knights do something about that too?"

"Certainly. I'll let the situation be known as soon as possible." Swiveling, you noticed Kaeya chatting with some other villagers with an easy curl of a grin. His eye was already on you when you regarded him, and he gave you a little wave.

Your hand was raised mid-air when Myweiss rapped, "That can wait, right? You should really stay. Perhaps I'll show you around, we've just had some fruitful harvests too." 

Even oblivious as you were, at this point you were starting to catch on to her desperation to keep you around. She reached out gingerly for your arm, lashes fluttering in a way that conveyed attraction. It was the first time in a while that you'd been hit on, and you found yourself at a loss of words.

"What's going on?" Kaeya must be addicted to putting his arm around your shoulder, though his presence made you somewhat more at ease. His eye traveled down to Myweiss' bandaged ankle. "You look better already."

"I could always use some assistance," she eyed you, begrudgingly withdrawing her hold.

"I'm sure Allan here is more than willing to provide it," he never wavered in his smile, but you couldn't help but note that it was the one that he used on people he didn't trust. His arm was also unusually tight around you, as if desperate to ensure that you wouldn't be snatched away.

Allan clicked his tongue. "Fine, whatever. Just go deal with the treasure hoarders as soon as possible, okay?"

"It's not like the knights are short on manpower, why can't you lounge around for some more?" Myweiss argued.

You sucked in a breath. "We aren't, but–" 

"But it'd be irresponsible to let the problem fester. In fact, my partner and I are going to eradicate it right away." Kaeya said.

"The enemies are on Dragonspine. We can't just charge in like this." You said.

"Why not? We've never failed a mission before."

"That's because we had prior preparations!"

"We can prepare on the way, or I'll just do all the work if you want."

After watching you two with enough intensity that the air crackled, Myweiss huffed in defeat. "Fine. Go do your job, I give up."

You offered to help her back, but she waved you off. "It's fine, I know I can't compete. Love is pointless after all. I should've known better than to hold out hope…"

Her words faded into the wind as you watched her leave with Allan, lips slightly ajar in confusion. Kaeya's arm slipped away, his warmth lingering on your skin like a ghost. "Let's go."

He really knew how to put his long legs to good use. You jogged to match his strides. "You mean to Dragonspine? Weren't you just making it up?"

"Why would I? It's just a mountain, nothing we can't handle."

There's an edge to his voice. It was like something grand had happened in the span of a second without your participation– Myweiss' abrupt drop in attitude, the lump in Kaeya's throat as he spoke. 

"Well, maybe hydro and cryo aren't the best combination when you're surrounded on all fours by snow."

Silence was all that greeted you.

Great.

There was another thing that bugged you– the way he put extra stress on his tongue when he said 'my partner'. While it wasn't unusual that he referred to you as such, he'd never named it with such sternness before. It was like he was trying to make an irrefutable point.

You'd heard the same tone somewhere else. Back when a foreigner had come to Mondstadt and unwittingly flirted with Quinn, Beatrice was all but fuming when she stepped in. That's my– my best friend, she'd said, ignoring the stuttering. It didn't take you long to put a name to the emotion smeared across her face. Jealousy.

"Were you jealous just now?" You let the words go, nevermind how ridiculous you sounded. Kaeya pursed his lips, as if considering, before exhaling sharply through his nose, "So what if I was?"

That was most expected. Of course he wouldn't answer you directly, only swerve around your question. 

"I was just trying to bail you out of that situation, that's all," he added, unprompted. "Though I can't deny that seeing someone being lovestruck before you put me down in the dumps for a bit. You know how much I adore you.”

You tried to fight off the weird tingling feeling in your stomach. His words had planted the root of something unnamable in you. It was not new– in fact you found yourself feeling it quite often when you were around him– but still considered a strange feeling.

Jealousy, a sure side effect of affection. The potion might’ve really kicked in then. Good news for Sucrose, but it was going to be a problem for you.

–

To pocket more time, you had to stray from the main road smoothed by feet that had come before. In short: less walking, more climbing up short cliffs and jagged rocks.

It must've taken you no less than two hours until you smelled frost in the air. The immenseness of the snow-capped mountain loomed before you as you entered the camp set nearby.

"Knights of Favonius," one of the people donning adventurers' attire greeted you. Iris, her name was. "Heading into Dragonspine at this hour?"

"We heard there've been some treasure hoarders in the vicinity lately, and our reliable captain here decided to nip them in the bud." You sprinkled your words with sarcasm.

"If you're really that afraid of the cold, I'm sure I can handle this alone."

You snorted, "Afraid? It seems that you're underestimating me."

"Well, uh," Iris dug through the pile of necessities laid out on the wooden bench. "We only have two overcoats here. Perhaps I can pack you some warm rum as well. Wait a sec,"

As she ran off to the chef, you examined the overcoats. They were huge even for Kaeya, and made out of wool. As warm as it seemed, it would probably restrict your movements as you mounted the sloped hills.

Still, it was better than freezing to death.

Something fluffy was draped around your shoulders. You turned and found your face buried in soft, white fur. Usually ostentatious, this ridiculous collar finally proved to be useful.

"I don't need it." You stated as he slipped his arms into the sleeves of the coat. It looked ridiculous on him. 

"Shh, just take it," he dismissed with half a heart. "What kind of partner would I be if I just let you turn into a frozen sculpture?"

"Are you saying you won't turn into one?"

"Of course not," he held up the remaining one and hugged the fabric around you, tugging it towards the middle. You glimpsed at him, the lower part of your face hidden behind the layers of fabric. The gesture warmed you more than the coat ever could.

Iris came back with the bottle, and off you ventured into the depth of the snow.

–

"Shouldn't there be torches nearby?" Kaeya mumbled, teeth clattering as he ran his hands up and down his arms. At this point, after eight refusals, you'd given up on putting the cape back on him.

The bottle of rum was effective, so much so that you already finished most of it. Every blow of the wind felt like spikes stabbing at your exposed skin, and snowflakes descended into your line of vision the further up you went. You tipped your head back and inhaled. A mistake. The cold invaded your airway and made you wheeze. You sought comfort in the fur again.

Dragonspine was not a place for wandering. All around you was plain white covering grey rocks. Even the knights would be hesitant to come to a place like this– devoid of life, harsh, unforgiving, a weapon forged by nature itself.

"Why aren’t you more resistant to the cold, cryo user?" You mumbled.

"If you threw Diluc into a fireplace, he'd still scream in pain."

"Touche,"

You pressed on doggedly. Naked branches and worn stones rolled past you. Finally, Kaeya sighted a glimmer of hope. It was a torch near the cliff, its branches stuck steadily into the snow. You both raced forward, only to realize that the fire had long gone out.

"It would be a good time to reveal your box of matches," he looked to you expectantly. You strained your mouth into a smile that said what do you think .

"This is pointless," you started pacing. "The sky is dimming, there's not a single sign of life within a ten miles radius, and we can't even light a dumb flame."

"Would you rather we head back?"

Your body screamed affirmative, but your determination was unflinching. You'd always despised giving up halfway, even in situations brought about by hands other than your own. Leaning forward to observe the gaping depth, you shook your head. "Let's… let's go a bit further. Ugh, what are the thieves even doing this far up–"

The moment you turned on your heels, the small piece of ground behind you gave way, crumbling into ashes. Your arms flung wildly in the air as you sought purchase, but the closest tree was already pulling away from you. 

Your breath suspended in your throat. Moments before you could feel the plummet, icy fingers grasped around your wrist and sent you lurching back to stable ground. Had your heart not been pumping at light speed, you would've noticed the shake in Kaeya's hand. You opened your eyes and found yourself pressed flush against him, like vines to a pillar. For the first time since you'd started walking the snow-covered paths, warmth enveloped you from head to toe.

"I know this circumstance is less than ideal, but did you really have to throw yourself off?" Kaeya forced a chuckle. His breaths were heavy, almost anxious, his cheeks raw and windblown.  "Or have you finally fallen for my charms?”

“What charms?” You faked confusion. “You’re not even my type,”

“Pshh, I’m the embodiment of your type,” he locked you even further into his hold, and blood rushed to your face.

After some shuffling, he hummed. “This is quite nice, don't you think? Works ten times better than this mess of a coat."

You kept your arms around him, not by will, but because every muscle in your body had been petrified by your closeness. If you were to cut your heart out and put it on the torch right now, it would probably blaze all night. 

“I… I suppose it’s not so bad.”

"Then let's stay close for a while." You could hear the satisfied smirk in his voice.

Your limbs relaxed with each passing second, fitting into him like you were two pieces of a shattered jade. Even under layers of covers, you could still feel the sinking and heaving of his chest, matching your own gradually. When he felt your hands grab at the fabric on his back, he moved to tug them inside his coat. If you felt the weight of his head atop yours, you didn’t mention it. He had always been warmer than his icy appearance would have people believe, and soon you found your energy recharged.

“We’d better get going,” it was you who decided to ruin the comfort. His head nudged against yours, a nod.

Neither of you moved. You had to count to three internally to peel yourself away, and even then you did not part until the very tip of your finger was too far away to linger on.

You didn’t find the tenderness rolling off him unfamiliar at all, contrary to what you’d believed in the morning. For a moment, you even felt a hint of sorrow knowing that it was all chemical reactions. You promptly ignored the weird ache behind your ribs. “Should we head up?”

“After you.”

As you braved the gales with revived strength, you had a hunch that the rest would go smoothly.

—

The road only grew narrower as you neared Skyfrost Nail. The cold had seeped into the gap of the wool again, and you resorted to walking side by side like twin popsicles. Soon, the torches you passed by were no longer bleak and vacant, but instead burning with newly-lit flames. Someone must be nearby.

Frigid fingers grazing your sheath, you pulled each other up broken steps until you found a boulder big enough to fit behind. Not too far away, the camp was set up on open ground with nary a disguise. It was almost like they were hoping to get caught. 

You counted six treasure hoarders, all armed, as they counted the valuables they’d managed to snatch from innocents today. As if dissatisfied, one of them threw a string of jewelry onto the ground.

“Think we could ambush them?” You suggested, turning back to Kaeya.

“Sure. Alternatively, you could distract them with Ki-”

“Oh my god. Give it up!”

“Over my dead body,” he said sheepishly. Shrugging off the heavy wool, he flexed his limbs, rigid from the cold, and stepped up. “Take the ones on the left.”

“Got it.”

As expected, the treasure hoarders were entirely unaware of your presence until Kaeya decided to give them a jumpscare by commenting on the poor quality of their loot from behind. Even then, they were no match against your quick strikes.

The remaining two were tougher, having had time to prepare, but lacking nonetheless. You dodged their clumsy arrows and harmless rocks, scythed the hilt of your sword onto one’s back, and he dropped with a loud thump.

Incapacitating them would be effortless, but it wouldn’t be very knightly to leave them to freeze up here. The standard procedure would be to teach them a lesson and chase them off, then record their information in the archive. Holding your sword before you, you inched closer toward the last enemy, face tight with warning.

His eyes darted between you and his affiliate who got the short end of the stick. Kaeya had been taunting the latter for the past few minutes, encouraging him to land a hit on him and then swerving away in the last second. Typical behavior. 

“Ugh, fuck it,” the man before you drew out a round device from his pocket. Your eyes rounded, brain screaming for action, but his thumb was faster as it pressed down.

Nothing happened. “What did you do?” You demanded.

“A reminder not to stick your nose into others’ business,” he smirked unnaturally, which fell when the ground rumbled. He grabbed his fallen comrades and scrambled away. Another quake came. Kaeya mirrored your look— confusion mixed with horror.

The next time the earth trembled, you realized it was not the earth at all. The thing you’d been standing on rose shakily. Kaeya darted forward to grab your arm before the two of you were thrown onto the ice-paved path, knocking the air out of you.

It was a ruin grader, bulkier than the usual machines scattered across the wilderness. Branches stuck out of its back like horns, and its four limbs were enhanced by an extra layer of metal. Its dull, lifeless eye scanned the both of you before a beam shot out, leaving a puddle of water and burned crisp between you.

“Since when do treasure hoarders know how to control ruin machines?” You yelled as you rolled away from the following beams, struggling onto your feet.

“Since today, apparently. What do you say we make this interesting?”

You already had a guess as to what he intended to propose. “Enlighten me,”

“First one to strike it dead in the eye wins.”

The murderous orb focused on you. An arm flung out. You barely dodged it. “And how shall the loser be punished?”

Kaeya sent an ice spike into its side, but it was in vain. “Pay for drinks for a month?”

“Deal.”

As though irritated by your lack of regard, the machine turned around and crouched, a telltale sign of the attack it was about to unleash. You ran for the spot behind a tree. The whole world shook as the missiles wrecked the land. Snapped branches and ravaged sunsettias tainted the carpet of snow.

As the machine turned its focus on Kaeya, you thrust your sword into the crack between its joints. Hydro swirled around the blade, threatening to drown the machine from the inside out, but it only sputtered a little before its leg reached up, hovering over you. You barely managed to get out of the way. The place you’d been standing just a second ago was now a dent.

“Think we could freeze this thing?” Kaeya shouted from the other side. It sprang into the air and created another cave in the ground. It was restless energy, programmed to only attack whatever was in sight.

“What makes you think I can drench this metal giant in water with just a sword?” You asked, once again dancing around its offenses. Though it was relentless, you still managed to notice a few weaknesses and swung your sword at them. But without destroying the core, obliterating this thing would take a dangerously long time.

“Alright, fine. I have an idea,” the wind brought his voice closer. “Distract it for a bit, will ya?”

“Just do it quickly!” It aimed its giant fist at you, and for a lack of time, you could only counter it with the flat of your sword. Reverberation spread from the point of impact to your hands, like vines overtaking a host. The force sent you flying into the snow, and you groaned at the pain exploding through your back. 

“Oh, come on!” You quickly got up as it prepared to throw up some missiles again. All the running had depleted your stamina, and your throat was as parched as sandpaper. Outside, the cold continued to slice its sharp blade at your ribs. You made a note never to come to Dragonspine again.

A figure behind the machine caught your eyes. Kaeya had managed to climb onto higher ground. With a huff, he pointed the tip of his steel at the machine beneath and leaped into a graceful arc, using the velocity of the fall to penetrate into the robot. The bright eye flickered, and its legs gave out.

All you could feel was your own panting and the light bruises burning all over your body. He crouched and landed in front of you with a flip. Surrounding you was a ruckus— everything shattered and coated with the juice of squashed sunsettias. It looked like a bloodbath.

“I won.” His mouth curled into a victorious sneer, but he had fatigue written all over him, from the pale lips to the slightly inclined posture. His left sleeve had been torn, and an angry wound opened its mouth greedily. Worry rose within you.

“We have to get it bandaged as soon as possible, come on.”

“Aw, are you worried about me, partner?”

You rolled your eyes at him. The sun had long drowned under the horizon, and the air was growing thin with each passing second. At night, Dragonspine would be even more unbearable. You had to leave as soon as possible.

Your lips parted, but then you paused. For a moment you almost thought you saw the grotesque blink of the cracked machine’s core, but it vanished just as abruptly as it’d come. It must’ve been your imagination—

It wasn’t. With its last dying force, it came alive with the intention to kill , kill , kill . It lifted its only unbroken arm, recharged, and swung it at the human who’d disabled it.

It was almost a reflex, the way you grabbed Kaeya’s arm and shoved him to the side. You didn’t even realize what you’d done until the fist came directly for you before the force of a meteorite had your body crashing into the side of the hill. 

The world slowed as Kaeya watched you fall limply to the ground. You were still, unmoving, quiet. His vision went white.

Tingling numbness possessed your body, then came the pain blossoming all over. A persistent ringing haunted your ear. You breathed and felt your ribs crack.

For a moment you thought you were going to die right there, but then the pain ceased amplifying, and the ringing began to subdue. You knew because you could hear Kaeya again, screaming the same words over and over again. It took a while to register them— your name in repeat, like a broken record.

“No, no no no no no,” he mumbled, a shaky hand reaching behind to hold your torso up. His other hand was pressed on the area below your aching ribcage. Once you felt strong enough, you lolled your head to the side to regard him.

“Just-just stay awake, okay?” His voice was strained with fear. You reached out to touch his hand, ignoring the brutal gash on your own. The side of your arm felt sticky. It could’ve been blood, you weren’t sure. You wanted to tell him you were fine, but your voice had been choked out of you the moment you were slammed.

His torso shifted, but his knees stayed grounded. Words spilled out of him like a waterfall, barely comprehensible. Meanwhile you were trying to make sense of why he was so on edge, because despite the injuries here and there, you didn’t feel like you were on the brink of death yet. 

That was until you looked down, wondering why he’d been exerting pressure on your stomach. Then you turned to the side and scanned the place you were lying on. There was red all over, on your clothes and on the ground, bright and sticky and… it didn’t make any sense. You hadn’t heard any tear in your flesh, nothing that could’ve made your blood spill.

“K-Kaeya—” 

“I’m sorry,”

You froze.

“Please, just- I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have let it happen again, please- this can’t be real,” 

You’d seen him waver before, losing his footing during battles, donning shock while ambushed, face tight in face of a dilemma. But not like this. Not like the whole world was crumbling to ashes in his hands. His confidence, which was usually indivisible from him, had long vanished. In its place was terror. The horror in his eye was a living thing, gnawing at him. Possessing him. It twisted his face into a portrait of agony.

He had never acted like this before. Even then you knew that this image would be seared into your brain forever as a painful thread of memory. 

You loosened your hold on him and touched the ‘wound’ on your stomach. A press. Nothing. Gingerly you brought your wet hand to your face. It smelled sweet and fresh.

Smashed sunsettias. Their color was less deep than blood, and the texture was stickier. You’d mistaken it for your own life. The absurdity was almost hilarious.

“Kaeya,” you called again, but he wouldn’t face you. Flakes had collected at his lashes, and tears were threatening to break the dam. You put your hand to his cold cheek. Finally he looked at you through a haze. “I’m fine, this- this isn’t blood,”

“What?” He croaked, still as a statue. There was an attempt to collect himself when he gazed around. He did the same thing— feel the texture, the smell, albeit with a lot more hesitation.

Realization, acknowledgement, relief. Wave after wave of emotions sprayed across his tight features like a slideshow. When his brows finally let loose, you half expected him to scoff, or maybe crack a joke about the ludicrousness of it all, but instead he sank his head onto your shoulder and held you like a fragile statue. 

He was trembling, you figured, with the effort he took to control the tears. Your heart lurched, and you wrapped your arms around him within an instant.

You’d done it. You’d scared the cavalry captain to the point of crying. Yet every gasp that came was a stab to your guts. His back shook against your hands, and you had this terrible thought that he was about to shatter into thousands unretrievable pieces.

Time passed without a sound and eventually dried his tears. You stayed still, holding onto each other, clinging onto life. The air was filled with your 

“Archons,” he breathed, slowly beginning to build up that wall around him. When he pulled away it almost sucked all the warmth out of you. “That was- that was scary,” he placed hand on his chest. “Why did you do that?” He reprimanded.

“Oh, I don’t know, I just really wanted to get punched by a ruin grader,” you chuckled in an attempt to draw at least a smile out of him, but it only resulted in a pained wince. “I think my ribs are broken.”

“Yea, and your hand.” He jutted his jaw at the wound.

“Aside from that, I’m as good as new,” with his help you sat yourself up, taking breaths as slowly as possible. Remnants of that broken expression were still lingering on his face. Pinkness surrounded his eyes. “And you? Are you alright?”

He scoffed. “Of course I am. Come on, I’ll help you down.”

“Sure you can do it?”

He nodded and let you sling your arm around his neck. You were both shivering. From the chill or fear, you weren’t sure, but with you leaning your weight on him, you leeched the warmth off of each other, a reminder that you weren’t alone. 

As you limped back the way you came, you almost lost his words to the wind: Please don’t do that again , they said. Kaeya’s face was as unreadable as ever, but his tight clutch around you said more than enough.

—

The adventurers all but scrambled towards you when they saw the ghastly states you were in. It felt like burning when you sat near the bonfire to thaw the cold clinging onto you. You flexed your limbs once they’d been bandaged. None of the wounds were too serious, and your broken ribs would probably heal after a few restful days.

Yet the night was no longer young, and it would be unwise to set out when you could barely breathe without wincing, so you decided at last to stay till the following morning. An hour or two must've gone by with everyone fussing around you. It was only after a brief dinner that Kaeya managed to steal a moment with you after all the stolen glances from a distance.

"A mora for your thoughts?" He claimed the spot next to you, overlooking the tranquil river and the moon, swaying among the waves like a sunken piece of jade. Met with a lack of response, he continued, "Two moras? Ten? My whole life-saving?"

"That's not really an upgrade from ten moras, is it?"

"Sounds like you are underestimating my financial well-being." 

He was not without injuries. With his sleeve rolled up, you could see the thick layer of bandage wrapped around his arm. There were a few bandaids decorating his skin here and there, but what really gave his fatigue away was his bleary eye. 

Images of his torn expression resurfaced. “I feel like I should apologize.”

He reclined, gaze elsewhere. “What for?”

“For giving you such a scare with that sunsettia stunt,” you waved at the stubborn stains on your clothes. 

“It won’t be that easy for your apology to be accepted.” He quirked his brow. “I’m going to need something more sincere.”

“Don’t tell me you want me to cover your drinking expenses for two months.”

“Tempting, but no,” his airy chuckle filled the air. “I just want you to answer this mystery that’s been plaguing me.”

You sighed and nodded.

“Why did you jump in to save me? You know what it could have cost.”

There were mysteries in life that just had no answers, and you were sure this was one of them. It was more of an instinct than an act of reason. The image of the metal fist coming down on him had planted a fear enormous enough that it’d swallowed your senses.

At last, you settled on: “I’m a knight. Saving people is kind of my job.”

“Yes, but aren’t we supposed to be rivals? Competitors? Something like that?”

“We are ,” you rushed to answer, though the word rang hollow in your head. “That doesn’t mean I have to watch you die.”

“It’s kind of hard to believe that when you seize every chance to make your loathing be known-”

“I don’t loathe you. You’re being dramatic”

“Right. We just don’t really see eye to eye.”

Your face tightened. There was a significant beat of silence where you could feel his eye burning holes on your back. 

The next time he spoke, his voice sounded almost foreign. “I don’t hate you, in case you think I do.”

“Then why do you keep getting on my nerves?” 

He shifted, huffing a little when he had to strain his injured arm to push his body up. You anticipated the possible answers: because it’s fun, because it’s entertaining, and just a tad bit cute. Because it fed his ego.

“Because I want to keep you around, and annoying you seems to be the key,”

You looked for the usual mischief on his face, anything to prove that he was joking, but to no avail.

“And… if I have to be absolutely honest, I quite like you.” The words rolled out of him like waves, descending into the river. Your mouth ran dry. Something was restricting your airway, and it wasn’t your broken bones. Not even in the most peculiar dreams would you have imagined him saying those words to you. 

But it was just the potion at work here, wasn’t it?

“You sure do an awful job of showing it.”

“You’re just awful at noticing it.” 

“Fine,” you scooted towards him pointedly. “Prove it then. Tell me just one thing you like about me.”

“That’ll be easy,” he said, tapping his chin. “Firstly, your hangover cure, the recipe of which is still hidden from the world”

"And it always will be,” you thinned your lips, feeling disappointment creep up on you. If he noticed, he didn’t say anything about it.

“Secondly, you’re one of the most competent knights I’ve ever known. There’s rarely a situation you can’t get yourself out of, and you handle my trials without fail.”

“Ah, yes. Your trials. Like that time you had us trapped in that labyrinth of a domain?”

“And you were the first to get out.”

You hadn’t thought that an acknowledgement from someone whom you’d always felt inferior to would mean anything to you, but it stirred your insides anyways, toying with the threads of your emotions. 

“The third reason, your unrivaled courage shines as brightly as the sun. Never once have you backed out from a challenge, although in exchange you’ve sustained quite the amount of injuries and put me in cardiac arrest.”

Evidently.

Carefully you asked, unexpected even to yourself, “Anything else?” 

“Your sense of responsibility. Your cat imitations-” he ignored your pointed look. “- the way you sometimes draw words from me unknowingly. Your silly habits, the way your words slur when you’re tipsy. And you wear your heart on your sleeve too, did you know that?”

You shook your head. “How so?”

“Do you remember the time Fischl invited us to some kind of Immernachtreich feast? And we thought it was going to be fine because Fischl usually isn’t that bad of a cook, but…”

“But she decided to create dishes that shouldn’t even exist and called them local cuisines? Yea, I remember,” you chuckled at the memory.

“You were trying really hard to finish the dishes— and you actually did, you have my respect for that— but everyone could see that you were struggling.”

You grimaced. “Even Fischl?”

“Especially Fischl. I had to comfort her and lie about you being sick prior to the feast to make her feel better.”

“Wows. Now I feel like a jerk,” you buried your head behind your folded arms, overriding your memories with the accurate one, until your chest jolted with laughter. Everything about that day was so ridiculous it’s funny, though further reminiscence would probably give you a stomachache.

Something light flitted across his face, a spark of recognition. The moonlight was fond of its favorites; it shone a round, silvery arc behind him, limning every strand of his hair. “Your laugh, too. That’s what I like about you, even though you rarely direct it at me,” he bowed his head. “You’re so clever, yet so oblivious. I always get sidetracked by the sound of your laughs, but you never noticed.

“You wanna know something else? You're unwavering, constant, like the sea. Doesn't matter if you're a tempest or calm water, I feel grounded just by looking at you." He breathed a laugh. "You know… I never know how to make people stay. Perhaps that's why you couldn't see how much you mean to me."

He lifted his head again, though his gaze escaped you. Instead, he watched with a lidded eye as his hand inched toward you, slowly, timidly, like a ghost creeping into the light. Slender fingers wrapped around yours, warmer than his vision would have you believe. 

“I really hope I’m right about this, but surely you feel the same, right?”

A part of you still adamantly wanted to say no, that you disliked him with every fiber of your being, that his teasing and self-assured ways irked you to no end, but you knew it wouldn’t be true. The truth lay dormant within you, lodged in your spine like a ragged dagger. You weren’t so unabashed that you would deny its unquestionable existence.

You never did hate him. It was just so much easier to be furious than to admit how badly you longed to have him in your heart. From the very beginning, you’d simply been a blind chaser of the unattainable moon, frustrated by the emptiness that greeted your grasps. 

“I do.” You admitted, quietly but surely. He smiled.

Air was zapped between you, an invisible string pulling him in, pushing you toward the precarious edge. He was so close you could feel the warmth of his breath, clouding your senses. There was no denying the eager jump in your throat, the blood pumping in your veins so vigorously it hurt. 

He reached for your cheek, palm resting there like it was made for him to hold.

Now, this moon was right in front of you, face bare and open with hope.

But you didn’t want it.

The bushes rustled, and out came one of the adventurers. “We’ve already set up the- oh. Oh, sorry-”

Both of your heads snapped towards him, and you tore yourself away, restoring that precious distance between you. “Be there in a minute.”

“Okay.” He looked pointedly between you and the quiet captain before scurrying away.

Your heart had not ceased trampling. You got up on your feet, “We should head back.”

“So soon?”

His hand, you realized, was still placed where you’d wrung yourself from him. Downcast was his eye as he waited for your answer.

You nodded, knowing better. It was all a cruel joke played by the hands of some mindless concoction. Even without everything he’d said, you’d already noticed the effects; fondness laced in his actions, tenderness in his words, everything fragile that you would lose in a blink. 

“…You’re right. We should get some rest.” was what he said, but the frozen hurt on his wound of a face told you otherwise.

Without surprise, you were the one who walked away first.

—

By the time the knights arrived it was already past noon. Your ribs got better in a flash, courtesy of the healer that came with.

Kaeya stuck around for the trek back to the city, but he was uncharacteristically quiet save for the short and light-hearted exchanges he shared with others. When you shot him a probing look, he only flashed you the usual smile, charming to most, hollow to you. 

“I was going to ask you to come grab a drink with me, but then I figured you’d better take a long rest,” he finally said when the windmills came into view. “Actually, you should take a few days off too, just in case someone accuses me of exploiting my partner."

"I could say the same about you," you referred to his bandaged arm. The truth was, it would really help to have something to numb yourself after spending an entire night rolling in a less than cozy tent while trying to ignore the obvious lumps against your back.

That, and the infinite train of thoughts running through your head at lightspeed.

No matter- you were going to find Sucrose and have her prepare an antidote and put your mind at ease. Case closed.

There were only a handful of places Sucrose could be, and you got it right with your first guess. Muffled chatters dropped silent as you knocked on the door to the laboratory, and out came a curious Sucrose. A smile graced her face as she took you in, and she opened the door to reveal Lisa, head swiveled around to meet you.

"Here you are, dear. How are you feeling?"

"Oh, right! How are your injuries? I could see if there's any medicine lying around," Sucrose followed you back into the room. On the table were several open books, filled to the edges with incomprehensible scribbles and complicated diagrams. Beakers and test tubes were set up on another bench, a sign that they were probably on something important.

"I'm already feeling as good as new, don't worry. I see that words spread like wildfire around here,"

"Pretty hard to ignore when you work inside the headquarters," Lisa said. A moment passed as she observed your facial expressions. "So? How did your little expedition go?"

You knew what she was hinting at. Heaving a sigh, you instead turned to Sucrose. "So, remember a few days ago when you gave me a bunch of potion samples?"

She nodded sharply. 

"Well… someone accidentally drank the love potion, and I'm pretty sure it took effect–" Lisa hummed meaningfully. "-- so I was wondering if you could make a cure for it?"

"Oh," realization dawned on her face, morphing into worry as she moved to flip through the worn, yellow pages. "That sounds awful, but just for science purposes, what symptoms did they show?"

"Flirting, being touchier than usual, unexplained jealousy, this and that." You chewed the inside of your cheek, decidedly leaving out the scene on Dragonspine. "And verbally expressing affection."

Her pen moved like lightning as she wrote. "I see… alright then, I'll make it right away!"

"Oh, thank you so much. I was worried that that pink stuff would have no antidote."

"There's always a solution to a problem," Lisa stated, a mischievous glint flashing in her eyes. "Maybe you would like to share more about the symptoms, you know, for research purposes?"

You were about to retort when Sucrose turned to you, confused. "Sorry, but…you’re sure it was a love potion?"

You nodded.

"But it was pink?"

Another bob of your head.

"That's weird. Love potions aren't pink, they're green."

"What?" You croaked. "No, that was– I mean, pink's for love, right?"

"Alchemy doesn't really care about sentiments. Or color theories, for that matter," she murmured. "If I remember correctly, the pink one should be a… truth potion. It forces someone to tell only the truth. Are you sure about the symptoms?"

"WIthout a doubt."

"Mm. But then that would mean…" she trailed off as the gears kicked off in your brain. Lisa looked as unfazed as ever, simply watching on with a knowing grin. 

That doesn't make sense. If Sucrose was right and it'd really been a truth potion that Kaeya had drunk, then it meant–

– everything he'd said was true. And if he had indeed been displaying signs of interest, then– 

"No," you muttered. "It's not possible."

"Darling, it's right in front of you," Lisa shook her head incredulously. "I'm surprised it took you this long to figure it out."

Figure what out? That Kaeya fricking Alberich actually, honestly, truthfully liked you? Not in the friendly kind, but in the romantic kind?

It’s not… possible. Right?

You started to rewind. Every single year you’d spent knowing him, every snippet of memory too short to hold onto…

It all sounded like a joke, but it only took a little thinking to realize that the clues had been there all along, scattered across time and space. Teasings you’d always mistaken for playfulness, gestures that could very well be genuine in their nature. And the things he said— all this time —

“If, um,” Sucrose grimaced at the blank state of your face, “If it’s a truth potion, you can just wait for it to wear out. The period of effectiveness is rarely long…”

“Okay,” you managed to utter a single word, because- damn it , the way you walked away last night after everything that had happened was nothing short of cruel.

You turned on your heels, desperation setting in. Lisa’s confused question hung and faded in the air as you excused yourself out of the room, a single motive standing out among the cluster of thoughts.

You had to fix things.

—

Kaeya’s office being vacant was nothing out of the ordinary, but when he was neither at the tavern or at home, you found yourself walking in circles through the streets, looking for just a brief sign of his whereabouts.

Muscle memory led you back home in the end, but as you turned the corner, you found the man you’d been searching for lingering in front of the door, now dragging a loose sack on the ground.

“Kaeya!” You called, picking up the pace. There wasn't anyone else around this neighborhood. He whipped his head around and, at the sight of you, bloomed into a smile. 

How could you have ever missed that?

“I thought I told you to get some rest. Where did you go wandering off to?”

“It’s not important. I need to- wait, why are you here?”

He clicked his tongue, lifting the sack by a mere inch. “Diluc ambushed me out of nowhere and chastised me for putting you in danger. And then he threw me this ugly bag and told me to deliver this to you,” he put a hand-sized container in your hand. “It’s an ointment. Works magic for cuts.”

“I’ll thank him later,” you pocketed it. “What’s in the sack?”

“Oh, you know, bandages, medicine and whatnot. I was expecting wine, but I guess this will do.”

Despite his offhand shrug, he donned a smile that warmed your heart— but that wasn’t why you were here. You shook off the distraction and sucked in a breath. “I need to tell you something.”

“Alright. But you should first know that I have very high standards and won’t accept just any love confessions.” He moved to lean against the wall.

You rolled your eyes. “Sure. It’s not gonna stop me from trying though.”

His smirk drooped. You were once again reminded of the eternal satisfaction of being able to catch him off guard. 

“It’s gonna sound totally absurd, but… I do like you. And it’s not as a friend.” The words stumbled out of you. Your heart was in a frenzy, jumping on a trampoline.

“As a colleague then?” He snickered at the irritation showing on your countenance. “Okay, sorry… You really mean it?”

“Absolutely.”

“I see,” his voice dropped in volume. “Then why did you leave me hanging last night?”

“I didn’t think you liked me.”

“I told you-”

“I know! But I thought you were…” you grimaced.

“Drugged?”

You froze. He spent a torturous moment confirming his theory before sighing. “I don’t usually get drunk, you know. Even if I do, I recall everything. I remember what I put inside my body. So what kind of potion was it?”

“A truth potion.” You murmured.

“And… you thought it was a love potion?”

“Congrats, you got it right,” you pursed your lips, the ordeal entirely too embarrassing for you to deal with. Your eyes dashed around, anxious for a response.

It was an ill-contained snicker. You frowned as laughter bubbled out of him, crinkles forming around the corner of his eye. “You really took the long way round, didn’t you? I can’t believe it took you this long.”

“Yea, go ahead and laugh. As if I’m not embarrassed out of my mind already.”

“You don’t need to be embarrassed,” he dropped the bag and cut off the distance between you with a bold step. “Although it is frustrating to watch, I can’t deny that it’s a bit endearing.”

You tilted your head up, “Is this you being honest or has the potion already expired?”

“It’s just me. Promise,” he cupped your face between his palms, playfulness smeared across his expression. Years of partnership, and this was the first time you saw him in a way that was true to your heart. You wanted to ask him about when he first fell for you, what all those words he’d muttered when he thought you’d been facing death meant, and many many more mysteries that coated around him. 

“You know,” you pulled back just as he was about to lean in. He looked offended at being rejected a second time. “About what you said last night…I’ll stay even if you don’t ask me to.”

He scoffed lightly, face softening. He didn't need to say anything for you to know what he was thinking.

This time, you were the one who made the move.

[snowsilver2000]

read the most recent bsd chapter and why did amenogozen just hit a fucking domain expansion

[snowsilver2000]

never change

[snowsilver2000]

he said it you guys

[snowsilver2000]

daily affirmations: at least I'm no longer 14

[snowsilver2000]

Idk if requests are still open or if you even read the beast manga at all buttt i think with how you write you’d do a wonderful job at the idea

But do you think you could write Regular/ADA!Dazai meeting Beast!Reader? The idea is that Ada/regular!Reader was hit with an ability that switched them with their beast counter part, and this version of them was dragged down the dark void thats Dazai Osamu just like he did with Beast!Chuuya, Atsushi & Kyouka, and now ADA!Dazai is forced to acknowledge that there is a universe out there where he ruined them, he hurt them and yet they still love him and stay by his side even if it hurts.

We Loved You in the Dark

Content Warnings: Emotional trauma, psychological manipulation, implied gaslighting, Stockholm syndrome, grief, references to abuse (non-physical), self-worth themes, typical violence (implied)

Author’s Note:

This story was a deeply personal attempt to explore the emotional weight of an alternate universe where Dazai’s choices turned darker—and how that version of him might affect the people closest to him. I tried my best to capture the request with as much care and intensity as I could, balancing lyricism with heartbreak.

If some parts feel confusing, I truly apologize—this was a heavy one, and I wanted the tone to linger in the quiet, between the lines. Your thoughts, interpretations, and feedback mean the world to me.

Writing this also inspired me to finally go back and finish the last volume of Beast—I’m currently wrapping up Stormbringer, and stepping into that headspace again definitely fueled the heart of this piece. Thank you for reading. ♡

ᐧ.˳˳.⋅ ⋅.˳˳.⋅ॱ˙ ˙ॱ⋅.˳˳.⋅ॱ˙ ˙ॱᐧ.˳˳. ᐧ.˳˳.⋅ ⋅.˳˳.⋅ॱ˙ ˙ॱ⋅.˳˳.⋅ॱ˙ ˙ॱᐧ.˳˳. ᐧ.˳˳.⋅ ⋅.˳

The first thing you notice is the ceiling. White. Quiet. Sterile. You blink slowly, fingers twitching against warm fabric. There’s a blanket tucked over your shoulders. A soft hum in the air—lights, maybe. Somewhere nearby, a window lets in pale morning sun. It smells like antiseptic. Clean. Like a hospital.

Or—

And then—you see him. Sitting in the corner of the room like a dream you weren’t ready to remember. Osamu Dazai.

His legs are crossed, one hand resting under his chin. That brown trench coat. Slouched posture. Those dark, impossible eyes tracking your every breath. You speak without thinking.

“…You stayed?” He tilts his head, and his mouth lifts into something familiar. “Of course. It’s not every day someone collapses right outside the office.” You blink. Once. Twice. The office? “You… brought me here?” “Where else would I take you?” he says lightly, voice playful. “You’re not the easiest person to carry, you know. I think I deserve a thank you.”

Your stomach twists. Something’s wrong. But it’s him, right? It’s always been him. You sit up slowly, arms sore, body tight with the tension of old bruises—healed-over habits your muscles haven’t forgotten.

“I didn’t think you’d come back.” Dazai blinks at that. “Back from where?” You try to smile, but it falters. “Wherever you disappear to when you’re done punishing me.” His expression flickers. “…Pardon?” But you don’t notice it. You’re already folding in on yourself, hands wringing the blanket.

“I get it,” you say softly. “I shouldn’t have said anything. Just—tell me what you need, and I’ll do it.” His voice is quieter now. Measured. “What I need?” “I mean, if this is about the last mission, I didn’t know the kid was going to fight back, and I didn’t mean to disobey—” “Hey,” he says suddenly, and there’s something real in his voice now. Something sharp. You flinch. Not at the volume—but at the tone. At him.

Your eyes dart to the door like you were calculating how fast you could run. What the hell happened to you? He keeps his voice level. Gentle. Steps closer, slow and deliberate. “You didn’t do anything wrong,” he says carefully. You frown at him, confused. “…You’re not angry?”

“No. Should I be?” You study him like a stranger wearing the face of someone you know. “You’re not… You’re not yelling. Or cold. Or…” His heart drops. Something awful takes shape behind his ribs.

You think I’d hurt you. That I have hurt you. You’re not just scared. You’re remembering. But of what?

He crouches down beside the couch, not touching, just watching. “Do you… remember how you got here?” You look at him again, and something in your face changes. Your eyes flicker around the room. The furniture. The light. The warmth. “…This isn’t my apartment,” you whisper.

“No,” he says. “This is the Armed Detective Agency.” Silence. You stare at him. At the sunlight streaming across the polished floor. At the warmth in his voice that doesn’t fit the shape of the man you know. And your mouth moves before your mind can stop it—“…You’re not Dazai.”

His face stills. Not a blink. Not a breath. Just stillness. Because it’s not just confusion in your voice. It’s horror. Like you’re staring at something wearing the skin of the man you love—the man you survive—and realizing too late that it doesn’t recognize you back. The coat is different. The voice is close. But the way he looks at you—no calculation. No leash tightening around your throat.

Where’s the sharpness? Where’s the cold smile that means you’ve disappointed him again? Where’s the warning in his silence? He says your name—gently, almost tender—and your body goes still.

No. No, no, no—he doesn’t say your name like that. He never says it like that. You press a hand to your chest. Your heart is beating too fast. “You’re not him,” you whisper. “You’re not—you’re not Dazai.” His stomach drops. Not because you’re scared of him. But because he doesn’t understand why. You’re shaking. You looked at him like he was salvation a second ago—and now he’s a ghost with the wrong face. What the hell is going on?

He crouches down slowly, voice steady, quiet. “I’m right here,” he says. “You’re safe.” But the moment he moves, you shift—subtle, instinctive— like you’re bracing for a blow that isn’t coming. And that is what breaks him. You’re afraid of him. But you’re not running. You’re waiting. Waiting to be punished. Waiting to be forgiven. Waiting to be his. But not this version of him. He reaches out, stops short of touching you. “Tell me where you came from.” You look at him again, and it’s not confusion anymore. It’s grief. “I don’t know,” you whisper. “But it’s not here.”

After you’ve settled, you sit across from him now, still in that borrowed blanket, hands gripping onto it. You haven’t looked at him since you said it. “You’re not Dazai.” He hasn’t moved since. But he watches you closely, patiently, like you’re a riddle only he knows how to unravel. The silence between you is tight—sacred. The kind that knows a single wrong word might shatter you both.

And then—“I used to follow the sound of his footsteps like prayer,” you whisper. “Even when they led to dark places.” Dazai’s brows lift slightly. He doesn’t speak. You’re not looking at him. You’re somewhere else. “I wasn’t afraid of dying,” you continue. “Not really. I was afraid of being left behind. Of being discarded before I was useful enough. Before I made myself… indispensable.” Indispensable. He’s heard that word before—used it himself.

To justify people like you. People who stayed. You look down into your hands like it might reveal the rest of your thoughts. “He never hit me,” you murmur. “He didn’t need to. There are softer ways to hollow someone out.” Your voice grows quieter. More distant. “He would disappear for days. Come back smelling like rain and blood and secrets I wasn’t allowed to ask about. But if I opened my arms… he’d sleep beside me like nothing happened. And I’d let him.” Your fingers tighten around themselves. “I thought that meant he trusted me. I thought it meant he needed me.” You laugh, but it’s soft and broken. “It just meant I was convenient.”

No names. No places. Just him.

He. Me. Another me.

You speak about him like a myth. Like a story told by someone still living inside it. Port Mafia. You haven’t said it. But it’s obvious now. That’s where you are from. That’s where he kept you. And you loved him. You feared him. You still do. And yet, you sit here now—so quiet. So careful. Like a porcelain thing someone taught to be useful before beautiful.

And he wonders—Would I have done the same? If Oda hadn’t died… would I have found her too? Would I have kept them in my cage, called it love, and convinced them to thank me for it? His throat tightens. I know the shape of that cruelty. I’ve worn it before. “You loved him,” Dazai says finally, voice low. You nod. “Of course I did.” “Why?” Your gaze drifts toward the window.

“He was constant,” you murmur. “He was terrible, but he was there. He noticed when I bled. He always knew when I lied. He remembered how I took my tea, even if he never made it. He would tell me I was his, then leave me to prove it.” You exhale shakily. “And I did. I always did.” And Dazai realizes—You didn’t escape. You were ripped away. You were displaced into a softer reality—his reality —and now you’re grieving the man who weaponized your love.

And the worst part? You miss him. The version of me that broke you. You’re still speaking in fragments. Your voice has softened, but your words are razors.

“He was brilliant,” you say. “A god to the ones who couldn’t see him clearly. And even the ones who did… they followed him.” Dazai doesn’t speak. He’s frozen. “Chuuya,” you continue. “He hated him. But he would’ve torn the world in half if Dazai asked. Like a dog straining against a leash he begged not to need.” Chuuya too? Even in that world… even there, they were Double Black. “Atsushi was worse,” you whisper. “He wanted to save people. And Dazai taught him how to destroy instead. He said it was mercy. I think he believed it.” Your hands curl in your lap. “And Kyouka… She smiled when he praised her. That was all it took. Just a few words, and she became a weapon for him.” You laugh, but there’s no joy in it. “He broke all of us. But we thanked him for it.”

Dazai’s heart feels like it’s caving in. Your voice is too calm. You speak like you’re reciting a lullaby. “And me?” You finally meet his eyes. “I knew he didn’t love me. But I still love him. I let him strip me down until there was nothing left but his name in my mouth. And I never once asked him to stop.”

Dazai is spiraling. You’re not just a victim of another me. You were his acolyte. You believed in his violence. Found meaning in his indifference. And you stayed—because he taught you how to need him.

He sees it now, in the way you sit too still, like moving wrong might upset the air. In the way you scan him constantly, like reading a man who’s always two lies ahead. In the way you never ask him for anything. And this version of me—this monster—still made you feel like he was all you had.

He reaches for you. Carefully. Gently. He means only to comfort you. His fingers brush your wrist—bare skin against bare skin. The world stutters. There’s a flash behind his eyes like lightning without thunder. Your form flickers—shifts— snaps.

And just like that—You’re gone.

And in your place: You. The real you. Curled under the blanket with wide, panicked eyes, gasping for breath like you’ve just surfaced from drowning.

You blink at him, confused, tears already spilling down your cheeks. “Dazai?” you whisper, lost. “What… what happened?” His hand is still on your wrist. But it feels like he’s miles away.

It was his ability. No Longer Human—a passive reflex. He didn’t mean to activate it. But now that version of you is gone.

You’re back in your reality. Back with him. With the version of himself that never left. That twisted love into survival. That raised devout monsters with soft eyes and firm hands.

And now, everything is back to normal. Except him. Because how does he go back to the jokes, the coffee, the Agency cases—knowing that out there, in another reality, he never left?

That there’s a version of him who stole loyalty from the broken. Who weaponized love and called it devotion. Who let a person rot in the name of staying close.

And they still thanked him for it. Still loved him. Still whispered his name like a prayer with no god at the end. He sits beside you while you cry, grounding yourself. And he wonders—quietly, painfully—what the other him would’ve done in this moment.

Would he have held you? Would he have punished you? Or would he have turned away, smug in the knowledge that you had nowhere else to go?

And then, softly, you reach for his hand. He lets you. But even as your fingers curl around his, warm and trusting and present—Dazai can’t help but think… There’s a world where I broke you. And you let me. And I’ll never forgive myself for that.

[snowsilver2000]

[snowsilver2000]

My fav trope is

Genius x Genius

Both are geniuses in completely different fields too

And making them rivals is just chefs kiss

[snowsilver2000]

I amneither going crazy or falling headfirst into depression

Idk man this bitch in the mirror does not identify as me

[snowsilver2000]

(drunkly) falling in love

summary ; the genshin boys are drunk and are mesmerized by you !

warnings ; a bit of mention of alcohol, reader in xiao's is hinted to be an adeptus/non-mortal, gn!reader, use of petnames [ honey, dear ]

pairings ; xiao, kazuha, scaramouche

notes ; i got bored during class and made these drabbles 😭😭

─ XIAO

lantern rite was one of the events xiao was willing to celebrate, though he'd celebrate any events with you if you asked him to, lantern rite was one he was looking forward to, though you expected it to go just as well as last year, you didn't expect your beloved adeptus to drink a few shots.

"hm.."

"xiao, are you okay? do you want to go back to our room?"

"..our room?"

"yes honey, our room."

"you'd willingly stay in a room with me??"

though also holding back a laugh yourself, hu tao and the traveller seemed to find it quite funny as they were laughing to their heart's content.

"yes.. like i have been, for the past 500 years."

"hu tao.. what kind of sick joke did you get your weirdly attractive friend to get in on?? i thought i told you before to pay respects to the adepti."

"but xiao it's not a joke, y/n has been your partner since forever."

and after that he just blankly stares at you, no words exchanged, completely silent except for the quiet and confused giggles from lumine and hu tao, you move closer to xiao as you hold his hands, a red hue takes over his face as he finally passes out.

"i'm never letting him forget this."

─ KAZUHA

"wow.."

"kazu, you okay?"

"beidou thank archons you let this gorgeous person aboard the crux.."

though most the crew was asleep, your husband and the captain was definitely wide awake.

"you mean you? you brought your spouse aboard kazuha, not me."

"SPOUSE???"

beidou's trying her best not to laugh at the ash haired male's out burst as he blinks in confusion, eyes darting between your figure and the hunched over captain's.

"yes dear, spouse.. we've been married for almost 3 years now."

"wow.."

and with that, kazuha is back to his staring, his eyes are burning holes onto your eyes at this point.

─ SCARAMOUCHE

"you're awfully attractive.."

"excuse me?"

"i said, you look attractive."

confusion settles in as you've never seen your boyfriend like this, and you've known him for a generous amount of time, quickly figuring out it was the sake, you took it from the table and hid it under, all while scaramouche was staring at your eyes.

"very pretty, but kinda slow- wait where's my alcohol?"

"hmm, i don't know maybe the big bad dendro archon took it."

"nahida... damn you."

masterlist