snowflakesfire

[snowflakesfire]

[snowflakesfire]

It's important to read to your kids but not too much lest they start saying words like "perchance" and "undoubtedly"

[snowflakesfire]

[snowflakesfire]

guy who is definitely not about to fall into a surprise midday nap with an aftermath worse than a hangover: it seems like a really good idea to lay in bed and get cozy under the blanket as part of my plan not to fall asleep. I do not know why.

[snowflakesfire]

just saw some loser who had their car wipers on too fast when it was only light rain. Me and the fellow drivers pointed and laughed at him

[snowflakesfire]

Owning a black cat is awesome because you’ll leave the bathroom and The Shape will be waiting for you

[snowflakesfire]

Me: damn this situation I'm in sure isn't ideal, what am I gonna do about this

Suicidal Ideation Man who lives in my brain: perhaps I have a suggestion ☝️🤓

[snowflakesfire]

for my fellow solitaireheads

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[snowflakesfire]

[snowflakesfire]

one time i was having sex and i was going “i’m yours i’m yours i’m yours” and then my partner stopped all of a sudden and said “can we talk about new kinks before we introduce them during sex” and i was like yeah what but it turned out she thought i was saying im a horse im a horse im a horse

[snowflakesfire]

i assume you are kind of a loser

Well man this is tumblr

[snowflakesfire]

having gay sex is like the least problematic thing that has happened in that US senate hearing room

[snowflakesfire]

Some skinny pretty white girl needs to post a tiktok like "Come with me to get a library card 💞💞" and record herself going to the library and filling out the application and etc and it needs to go viral so people start going to the library

[snowflakesfire]

having a uterus SUCKS man bc all day you'll be feeling the "hey bestie check your pants 😃 check it right now 😃 you might be getting your period 😃 hey bestie i think youre bleeding 😃" and then when you check if you got your period and your body is like WRONG ❌️ its The Slime

[snowflakesfire]

So cool you dont even have to teach cats to use the litter theyre just born with a passion for peeing on sand

[snowflakesfire]

we're running out of time to fuck it we ball....