snowflakeexplains-blog

[snowflakeexplains-blog]

ISIS is less than 1% of Islam Islam ≠ ISIS ISIS are extremists 99% of Muslims do no support Do not blame the 99% for the actions of the 1% If you're going to attack anyone's views, attack the people who committed and support the actions of ISIS, not people who are in the same religion. We do not hold other religions accountable for the actions a few so why do it with Islam? When people of other religions attack, we're quick to point it out as an individual's actions, but if they're Muslims we blame it on the religion and not the individual, even if they aren't connected to ISIS. 

The "us vs. them" mentality a lot of people have is why extremism continues on both sides. America has had soldiers who go into the army just for a chance to kill anyone who appears to be Muslim. We have soldiers who kill for sport, don't follow protocol, and who often aren't punished for it. America has Christian extremist who bomb mosques, attack Muslim women on the street, and murder Muslim children, all in the name of patriotism and Christianity. We have news stations that refuse to even acknowledge the destruction of schools and cities in the middle east, who won't say that the reason XYZ happened is because America did ABC. We have a major news station who has made billions off of Islamophobia and radicalizing Christians. We have military officers who lie about the reasons why they attack civilians and deny they murdered anyone at all (a lot of this are issues Chelsea Manning helped uncover) 

Those actions lead some Muslims to fear and hate Christians. They see how good people, people they know and love, are trying to escape extremism but are turned down because of religion. That bubbles up to a point where they turn to ISIS for community and understanding of their fears and hate. ISIS attacks and it leads to more Christian extremist, which leads to more ISIS recruitment. It's this fucked up cycle that we're going to perpetuate until we're all dead or make a change. We keep having this 'chicken and the egg' issue where one religion wants to say the other started it when really, it's something that's so deep historically it's impossible to pinpoint it. I don't have a full proof answer for it, but this back and forth shooting and bombing each other isn't the answer.

[snowflakeexplains-blog]

Honestly, it's some disturbing shit that white people, myself included, needed to see videos of black children being murdered over and over and over again before we even admitted that racism is still a problem on a large scale and took a stand against it. We ignored shit for years because we were told, and wanted to believe, that racism doesn't really exist anymore, that is was a thing that died out before we were born, that it was just a handful of extreme cases, that it's something our "crazy uncle" partook of. We denied stories, we made up excuses, we hid the truth and we refused to listen.

Whiteness is so fucked up, I don't even have the words to explain how deep that shit goes. Do you realize how fucked up it is that we had to watch videos of children, CHILDREN, being murdered to do anything? White people, we have some mentally fucked up shit wrong with us on a deep mental level.

[snowflakeexplains-blog]

If you are truly an anti-racist white person, you need to call out racism. If you can't do it face to face (anxiety, not physically feeling safe, have a disability that prevents it, etc.) then do it online. Share content that lets people know their racism is not okay and is not something you will ignore. Sometimes you might not know the right way to word something so asking a friend for help is great! Tag them in a comment where people of color are being attacked. Ask them to come to a protest with you. Have discussions that enable you to be a better activist. You need to also search for your own resources sometimes. Read what people of color are saying. Listen to people of color. Go out of your way to educate yourself. You can’t expect people to sit down and give you a play by play of the country’s entire history of racism, if you honestly do, the resources are out there, google them. 

White people holding other white people accountable is the only way certain white people are ever going to listen. Use your privilege to speak up for people who will be told they're "too emotional" or "too angry" or "too biased" for not being white. Screenshot racists and expose them to their families, friends, and co-workers. Use your body to physically protect people of color when they are in danger. Create human shields at protests when white officers threaten them or when Nazis and Klansmen show up.  Make sure they are okay. Help them get to a safe space. There’s a lot of trauma that people of color may experience with dealing with racists so seriously, check in on your friends. If there’s been a police shooting ask your friends how they feel. Maybe they need someone to vent to. Maybe they need to go out and take their mind off of it. Maybe they need to be left alone for a few days. Give them as much attention or space as they need. As white people, these are situations we can’t fully comprehend, but we can show compassion to those who do. 

If you are truly an anti-racist white person you need to cut people out of your life for being racist. Stop laughing at your "racist uncle's" ignorance and call him out. Dump that ass hole who called your friend a slur. Letting that shit slide is exactly why white people keep finding their racism to be acceptable. Age and location are not excuses for racism. Some of the greatest activists are older southerners. Make them ashamed to be racist. Make them fear being called out for being racist. Make them fear public embarrassment and ridicule for being racist. Make them fear raising racist children. Make racism unacceptable at all cost.  

Stop letting white people be racist because "that's just the way they are"  People aren’t born racist, they are taught racism. “They’re set in their ways” is not an excuse. People change all the time. Be the person to change them. If you don’t do actual work to stop racism, you aren’t anti-racist. What you are is someone that’s aware blatant racism is viewed as being bad but you still finds comfort in white supremacy and don’t want to lose that comfort. 

[snowflakeexplains-blog]

Apple Trees & Abortions

If you plant a seed, wait a few weeks, then dig up the seedling you aren't cutting down a tree because seeds, seedlings and trees are not the same things.

The potential for a tree does not make a seed or a seedling a tree because seeds, seedlings, and trees aren't the same things.

Seeds and seedlings aren't developed enough to be a functioning tree because seeds, seedlings, and trees aren't the same things.

Holding an apple seed in your hand isn't the same thing as holding an apple tree in your hand because, you guessed it, seeds, seedlings, and trees aren't the same things.

You can't pick an apple off of an apple seed or seedling because they are not apple trees, they have not developed into apple trees yet because seeds, seedlings, and trees are not the same things.

#MetaphorMonday

[snowflakeexplains-blog]

The Polyamory Post

What does polyamory mean? Polyamory is, in a short definition, the desire for, or being in a relationship that is not strictly monogamous.

Isn't that cheating? No. Polyamory involves the consent and respect of everyone involved. Cheating is an act of betrayal in which one person is lied to and disrespected.

Isn't that just swinging? Swinging is a form of polyamory, but it's not the basis of polyamory.

So you basically just have sex with anyone you want? It can be, though, like with any other relationships, there are varying degrees in the level of sexual, romantic and platonic partners. There can be certain boundaries for home and social life, etc. Some couples prefer to have certain rules while others have no rules at all. I'll discuss varying factors later on.

Is there jealousy in polyamorous relationships? Yes, absolutely. Though not everyone who is polyamorous may feel jealous, jealousy is a natural emotion to feel and it's something you should be able to discuss and not be shamed for. For example, imagine your best friend, who you always hang out with on Tuesdays, decides they're going to hang out with someone else on Tuesday. You aren't against them having other friends, but you might feel a bit of jealousy for someone hanging out on a day you and your best friend typically do. Is it normal to feel that? Yes. Is it something you should be able to discuss with your friend? Yes, all friends should be able to discuss things with each other. Do some people view their feelings as silly later on? Yep. Are those feelings still completely valid? Absolutely!

What are some of the variations of polyamorous relationships? *Some people are polyamorous, but currently single or in a relationship with someone who is monogamous.

*Some people prefer not to use relationship labels at all but have romantic, sexual or other types of relationships with more than one person.

*Some people have a primary partner (usually someone they have been in a long term relationship with or are married to) and have secondary partners

*Some people don't have a primary or secondary partner, just people they're with on an equal level.

*Some couples like to include other partners in sex together but aren't comfortable with having sex or relationships with else alone.

*Some couples are 'swingers' who will have sex with other people at the same time but don't want it to be more than casual sex.

*Some couples have monogamous rules strictly in their home, such as no partners in their home, no sex is their home, no cuddling or kissing in their home, but are free to do whatever (or whoever) they want outside of their home.

*Some couples are comfortable with platonic or romantic partners hugging, cuddling and kissing, but are uncomfortable with sex being involved.

*Some couples encourage each other to have relationships outside of the one they're already in but don't encourage hookups.

*One person may be asexual so they may encourage their partner to have sex with whoever they want but choose not be sexually active themselves.

*One person may be unable physically to have sex or have body dysphoria and have uneasy feelings about their body and sex so they may encourage their partner to have sex* with other people.

*Some couples prefer to know who the other person/people involved are on a personal, friendship or acquaintance level are while others prefer not to know anything about them.

*Some people may have a partner or hookup they see on business trips or vacations but remain typically monogamous most of the time.

*Some couples are okay with online relationships or porn but aren't okay with anything physical.

*One person may have kinks the other person isn't comfortable participating in, so they may prefer those kinks being acted out with someone else.

*Some may only feel comfortable being with people who don't identify as the same gender as their partner, though, a lot of times this can exclude trans people or be transphobic. For example; a cis man may be okay with his cis wife being with women, but not transwomen or transmen, or he may be okay with a non-binary person as long as they don't present themselves as 'too masculine', or he may choose to be with trans women on a very fetishized level. This kind of thing is very common with cis couples in heteronormative primary relationships and is something that needs to be discussed more in the polyamorous community.

These variations are limitless and can change over time. Someone who is in their first polyamorous relationship may not be comfortable with sex in a space they share with their primary partner but may find later on that it's not even an issue. Someone might be polyamorous but feel uncomfortable with extending to other people unless they have a well-established relationship with a primary or secondary partner. Someone may have sex with ___ amount of people one year but realize cuddling or a relationship or dates are all they're interested in later on.

Aren't rules in polyamorous relationships hypocritical? Some polyamorous people think so, but those people tend to be elitist. Polyamory is about being honest, respectful and consensual to everyone involved. Having certain boundaries doesn't make someone less polyamorous. It's a spectrum that needs to respected.

What about unequal boundaries? Do they exist? Yes, and they are extremely unhealthy. There are times when a partner says that they're polyamorous, but expects their partners to all be monogamous to them. Sometimes it involves cheating, which isn't a polyamorous relationship and other times it involves unfair boundaries that are often caused by abuse. It doesn't seem to be the norm, but when it does exist it needs to be addressed. There's a huge difference between someone dating 4 people who all chose to be monogamous themselves for different reasons and telling the 4 people you're dating they're not allowed to be polyamorous. One sided polyamory is disgusting as hell. Call that shit out when you see it and make sure the people not in power are safe and okay.

What's the point of being polyamorous and dating or being married? If you marry someone you need to be with just them right? Isn't your spouse enough? Let's go back to the best friend metaphor since it's a situation most people comprehend well. So your best friend is the most important person in the world to you. You spend every day with them. You trust them fully. You'd die for them... So why do you need other friends? Isn't their friendship enough?

Interactions with other friends are great and healthy. Hanging out with someone who isn't your best friend doesn't mean you love your best friend any less, it just means that you like having other people in your life too. Your best friend may like going to the beach while you hate it, so, they may ask someone else to go to the beach with them every now and then, or maybe every morning they take a walk by the beach. You might like going to the movies and eating popcorn while your friend hates the overpriced food or has anxiety being in a packed theater so you ask another friend to go with you.

Well, you said in a different post that you're pansexual, does that mean you're polyamorous too? Do you have to be with someone who isn't a man in order to be happy? That's something that only concerns me and partners I may or may not have. But, let it be known that being pansexual does not mean you need to have sex or any other type of relationship with two or more genders to be happy. There are plenty of people who are pansexual and monogamous. Also, people who are polyamorous often don't discuss it due to the stigma that surrounds it. No one owes you an answer to your questions. The more you push it, the more uncomfortable they feel. If someone 'comes out' as polyamorous to you, then please respect it.

What is something you wish more polyamorous people did or addressed? Outside of addressing the unequal boundaries before, I think polyamorous people need to be more accepting of the spectrum that surrounds this. While you and your partners may all be fully open and accepting of everything, not everyone feels that way. Respect that.

There are privileges that comes with being polyamorous ranging from financially being able to afford things like motel rooms and trips to visit your partners to living in communities where it's viewed as acceptable or even the norm. Understanding why some people may not want to join groups their family or friends can see shouldn't be shamed. Outing people as polyamorous is disgusting, even if you're "doing it to help them" Stop asserting yourself in other people's lives when you aren't needed or asked to. Look into the privileges that exist in your relationships, understand them and discuss them. Having certain privileges doesn't make you a bad person or anything, but you need to be aware of them and own up to them when they're being discussed.

Finally, using the word 'poly' is problematic since it was first claimed by Polynesians and makes it harder for them to find communities designed for them. It might be okay to use the term in your circles as an abbreviation, but don't use poly in your group name unless you're Polynesian. This has been discussed several times before and is often ignored. Ignoring it is a sign of privilege.