snakegirllegs

[snakegirllegs]

I've started playing this new game when I'm bored where I look up shitty T-shirts with pictures and slogans on them intended to be worn to very specific occasions and I try to think of a different place where it would be way funnier to wear it

Some Examples:

ONE

EASTER SHIRT

Slogan or image: Easter bunny, "I have the best eggs"

Intended wear: Family event, community event

Funnier place to wear it: Fertility clinic

TWO

ST. PATRICK'S DAY SHIRT

Slogan or image: Man with two beers on green. "Dublin fistin"

Intended wear: At a bar with the boys

Funier place to wear it: BDSM club. With the boys

THREE

HALLOWEEN MATERNITY

Slogan or image: Skeletal ribcage aligned with the wearer's ribcage, and a cartoonish skeleton baby just below it.

Intended wear: Low-effort Halloween event

Funner place to wear it: Abortion procedure

[snakegirllegs]

Funny story from the other night:

A dad came into my cafe with his 3 year old daughter.  He bought her a cookie and himself a coffee.  They sit down, and I go back to my pre-closing cleaning.  Three minutes later the dad walks up to the counter again, so I stop cleaning and walk over to greet him again.

As I’m in the middle of saying “hi�� he cuts me off and says “Water.”

Not “Can I get a glass of water, please?” not “Where can I get water?” not even a confused “water?” like he’s not sure how to get water in this cafe.  Just a single word demand.

I work in silicon valley, so I’m kind of used to techies talking to me like I’m Siri or Alexa, but it still always drives me crazy when they do this.  Like, I don’t even care about the “please” anymore, I just want people to talk to me in complete sentences.  So I get the guy a cup of water, and he sits back down. 

As I’m about to go back to cleaning I hear his daughter go “Daddy, you did that WRONG.  You have to say ’CAN I have a glass of water PLEASE’”

My jaw hit the ground.  The dad suddenly became flustered and tried coming up with excuses “I-I said please…” “No you didn’t!” “Well she was busy…. I didn’t want to bother her…..” “You still got to be polite!”

When they were done eating the dad brought the dishes back to the counter and said “Thank you so much!” It’s amazing how fast someone’s manners can improve when a 3 year old calls them out.

Shout out to whoever is teaching that little girl manners, because you know it’s not her dad.  I hope she never stops calling rude people out.

[snakegirllegs]

You seriously think Five Little Monkeys is a children’s song? Lol okay

[snakegirllegs]

Laptops are always so much more Fucked than phones in my experience. A laptop is like a beautiful horse that wants nothing more than to break all of its legs. A decently solid android phone will act normal

[snakegirllegs]

fundamentaly embarrassing to show reference pictures to the hairdresser. Like yeah. Hey. Here's a picture of a guy who looks cool. One day I would liketo look cool as well. Can you try to make me look cool. With these paltry ingredients Can you try your very best to alchemize a guy who looks cool right now. In 30 minutes, can you make me into a person. Hey, for twenty five dollars, can you fuck my shit up forever? Could you give me a haircut. Is that too much to ask. Could you cut my hairs

[snakegirllegs]

Im sorry but the mental image of someone's packer falling out of their pant leg is so funny to me. Hey king uh you dropped your dick

[snakegirllegs]

the full month between these two tweets

[snakegirllegs]

Smile

Acrylic painting on canvas

Size 30 x 23 cm

[snakegirllegs]

Hey girl are you (think of something lesbians like) a sword, because (be honest with your feelings) I want you inside me (wait that's murder) and survive

[snakegirllegs]

Sony GV-200 Video Walkman from the late 90s. Records video and has built in TV tuner to watch and record shows. This chonky boy has been on my bench a while and has fundamental power supply issues. Maybe this winter I'll give it another crack .

[snakegirllegs]

We ask your questions so you don’t have to! Submit your questions to have them posted anonymously as polls.

[snakegirllegs]

As someone else who's previous assumption was that you'd had ffs you should thank your dad for having to bear the cross of being a cis guy with a hot girl's face just so he could pass it on to you to fulfill it's true destiny.

Or tell him to start hrt

[snakegirllegs]

Digging through old files and I found this sketchy comic from the spring.

[snakegirllegs]

to Han Solo's credit I think "oh our generals had Magic Powers that let them stop bullets and heal the injured because of our Secret Religion" is, in fact, a reasonable thing to be critical of if neither you nor anyone you know has met a Jedi.

Now, if your best friend who you spent all your time with was on first name basis with the spirutual leader of said religion-

[snakegirllegs]

i cant breathe

[snakegirllegs]

Comic strip artists from the 40’s draw their characters while blindfolded