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shoutout to everyone

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i can’t endlessly retweet the original since i uninstalled stupid bird app, so i’m posting it here to endlessly reblog instead

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i can’t endlessly retweet the original since i uninstalled stupid bird app, so i’m posting it here to endlessly reblog instead

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i hate this cycle of constantly peeing

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Morning routine

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sigh

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just opened my banks app and it gave me a pop up for a fuckin. banking unwrapped?? and it turned out it was just unpersonalized customer statistics but for a brief glorious moment i was imagining a world where my bank was about to hit me with "you wasted $400 on GAY USELESS PURCHASES. you have spinal tap ungrungcore spending habits. your top transfer this year was: your landlord."

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kissss those you love this year!

<for ember>

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Ushiromiya Batter

Why won't you pitch to me, Beatrice? I'm the one you want!

Sorry Batter, but that's three outs! George, Shannon and now Kanon! The inning is over! Ahaha!

No! I won't accept it! Looking at the count, Kanon got three balls and three strikes. But if any one of those strikes was really a ball, he walks to first!

What? That's ridiculous. Doubting the umpire is a desperate stalling tactic.

Then say it in red! "Every pitch directed at Kanon this inning was called correctly!"

…I refuse. For no particular reason.

I knew it!

Don't celebrate yet, Batter. Even if you're right, it's on you to argue the nature of the incorrect pitches.

Ahaha! Yes, listen to your coach, Ushiromiya Batter! If you can't identify a miscalled pitch, we move on to the third inning! So which pitch are you going to contest?

Let's go in order then. Starting with the second pitch, it was extremely curved! From where the umpire is sitting, she could have easily judged it as inside when it wasn't!

Kanon swung at the second pitch! Swinging without contact makes it a strike, regardless of if the ball touched the strike zone!

Hmph. That just narrows down my options. The third pitch was right on the bottom corner… and the seventh was so fast, I couldn't tell where it was.

Let's try flipping the chessboard. How would I try to disguise a ball as a strike? I could throw just barely outside the strike zone, but that requires the umpire to call in my favor. Beatrice would want something more certain. What if…

Beatrice! Here's my theory! The seventh pitch was not a baseball at all! You threw something else, some special effect, and had Lucifer palm one of the previous pitches into her glove! This means that no seventh ball ever entered the strike zone!

The nature of the special effect is, of course, a Devil's Proof.

Sounds like you're accusing me of magic, Batterrrrrr…

Not magic! A special effect! You could have made some sort of hologram or reflection, or something! A baseball going over 170 kph is just a blur, you could fake it easily!

There were seven pitches at this at bat. Each of those pitches involved a unique baseball. No substitutions of the balls were made in their travel from the pitcher to home base.

And furthermore, the umpire did not misjudge any pitch on the edge of the strike zone.

Dammit, it's useless! It's all useless!

Ahaha! Foolish Batter! Don't you know there's no crying in baseball?

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the smiling grinner knows the worllds its dinner

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THE SHAPE MY FUCKING CAT IS MAKING RIGHT NOW?

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dear drips of water from the toothbrush, thank you for your service 🥺

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i need to meet this penis museum director one day